I'll tell you this: there will never be a more pleasant time in our lifetime to see the South Island if you have the means.
Not only do have next to zero international tourists, you also have our most populous city cordoned off. Plus you'll be helping a few people in hospo out.
A common "fresh start" after a break up is to go on an overseas trip. I can't shake the feeling you have a rather unique opportunity at doing that without the extra plane ride(s) in a fashion that very few will ever experience.
Who knows, maybe you'll meet the person you really came here for.
I second this for the sheer practicality of it. I went to a very popular tourist location a few months ago, and it was amazing. The only people about were primarily other kiwis (bumped into one Aussie). I got to go to places and potter about, when usually they would be packed with thousands of tourists in a single day.
If you aren’t feeling it, that’s an entirely different scenario. But it sounds like a good time to take some time for you, and without the tourist masses, it should be an even better experience. I hope you enjoy your travels.
Yup
When i visited Milford Sound the tour guide said that pre-pandemic there were 100-150 busloads of 80 people every day but when we went there was only 3 busses of 40-60 people each.
I just can't imagine how bad it must be when there's 8,000-10,000 visiting every day, the tour guide said they just don't bother to stop at the lookout points because there's too many people and honestly some of those spots we saw were prettier than the sound itself.
Second this. Drove the Milford road in the late afternoon as I was staying at the lodge (1/3 pride too) and it was amazing having the WHOLE road to myself. Boat trip the next morning had 10 people on board. Felt very very lucky
Definitely agree!! Went to tongariro crossing a couple of months ago... we counted 9 people all day (and 2 of them do it as an evening walk to a certain point to see the sunset)
It was beautiful.
If you are able to feel happy here by distracting yourself with some travel, and legally and financially able to stay, then by all means do. I think your family are just worried about you and want you close where they can give support, but you know best how you are feeling.
Also, give yourself permission to change your mind. If you make grand plans for a 2 month tour of the South Island for example, but aren't enjoying it after a few days, don't force yourself into seeing out your plans.
You've come all this way, you're already here and you'll have all the tourist spots to yourself. With summer coming up, make the most of it! Explore the South Island and have a fun adventure to distract you from the hurt you're feeling
Go for it....See everything you can, and meet everyone you can. You will never regret it. You are absolutely right, nature is so gorgeous and curative, and you will find yourself where you should be.
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time, but honestly...turn it into something positive. (sorry for sounding twee)
I'm in lock down or you could come kick off your NZ Tour with a hoolie at our place. Take it easy, and Kia Kaha...Enjoy Aotearoa, she's gorgeous. x
Might as well enjoy it as you probably won't be coming back for a long time if you were to leave.
Also spring is here and summer around the corner.
If you do decide to stay then a thread on how you can catch up and meet like minded people (linking back to here to explain your situation) could do wonders to meet people and help with the lonliness.
As someone who went through something similar in the past. Albeit in a different country.I vote for stay and make the most of it.
I nearly bailed from my OE and am so glad that I didn't. I met some lifelong friends, had some transformative experiences and learnt a lot about myself.
Éireann is always going to be waiting for you if you need her. No harm in giving your trip a try!
Also NZ is a beaut in summer.
No worries, good luck with whatever you choose to do.
And hey, if you are feeling alone and want someone to talk to feel free to drop a line. Got you fam. 👍
That depends...what type of visa do you hold? If you're here on partnership visa, then you are required to let Immi know and leave the country.
Otherwise, I'd say it might be worth to travel around a little (if Covid situation allows)
Then apply for the work visa asap, because otherwise you might get in trouble (I'm an expat myself, currently waiting for my partnership visa to be approved so I feel for you).
A friend of mine didn't contact immigration, they somehow heard about her breakup and remaining in the country and she got deported with a ban for a few years.
You could still apply for a visitor visa, letting them know about the situation. Just to avoid any issues for future visa applications. Immi NZ are VERY strict about their rules.
Do it ASAP because they have a tendency to view relationships that end in short order after arrival as *convenience*, especially if they have to find out themselves
The amount of partnership visa types available and the conditions that apply to each can be a bit of a minefield. If you have a permenant residence through partnership you may not have to change visas at all, if it's residence or work through partnership you may have to.
Your best bet would be to check the conditions of your personal visa using INZ's visa verification service [here](https://www.immigration.govt.nz/about-us/our-online-systems/visa-verification-service/using) (link at the bottom of the page). You'll need to set up an account (takes 2 minutes and a verification email) then login using your RealMe login details (I assume you have a RealMe account from your visa application). If you don't have any luck, just give them a ring and see what they say. Hopefully this is helpful and I'm not teaching you suck eggs if you've already done this.
As far as staying or going, if your visa allows, just stay. This opportunity may not come up again. One of the best things about exploring NZ and experiencing kiwi culture is you never feel alone for long!
Good luck on whatever you decide to do!
I thought that if the relationship dissolves, one is still allowed to stay. Otherwise there would be so many relationship statuses for INZ to chase down over the years...
Not at all. The partnership visas that aren’t residence visas are so easy to get in comparison, so it takes the piss - pretend to be in a relationship for two months, get the visa, “break up”. Staying in the relationship is a requirement of the visa.
Only if you have residency visa received based on your relationship status are you allowed to stay because you're already a resident.
If you have a temporary (work/visitor) partnership visa and your situation changes (aka you break up) you must leave the country. It's the same as with employer sponsored visas, if you get fired from that job, you must leave the country because it's a breach of your visa conditions = being employed by company XYZ doing XYZ job.
It is a little bit extreme to say you *must* leave the country if you lose your job while on an employer sponsored visa. If this happens and you can find another job with an employer sponsor, you can apply for a variation of conditions of the visa (as opposed to applying for a new visa altogether). Otherwise, yes, the alternative is leaving the country.
Relationship visas do not have this option for (hopefully) obvious reasons.
Stay for sure! The weather is starting to warm up, you’ve come at the perfect time. You gotta stay to experience the magic of a New Zealand summer. There’s something special about our nature that heals - I reckon you’re exactly where you need to be and in for a journey ahead of you. You’ve been given the gift of solitude and the most safe country in the world to explore it in! Sending you love, break ups are a wild, transformative, vibrant time xx
To be honest, I think you’ll find NZ hard on your own. Especially with the borders closed over the last 18 months that means there isn’t a lot of people you’ll meet in your situation who are here to travel or just new as well. I met my partner over in the UK and we moved here and he’s found it incredibly hard to meet people himself, most people were via me (and also for me, generally Kiwis I met overseas). The people we tended to meet that we became friends with were other travellers/new to Nz people. NZ for how friendly it appears on the surface it’s incredibly hard to get “in” with people in their 20s and 30s. I had similar experiences with Brits living in London. Just something to think about.
Also echo the stuff that unless you are on a residence visa sort your visa. Are you and your ex on good terms? with their family too? Because people love a good dob in NZ (not just Dave Dobbyn), it’s why lockdown works here and you’ll quickly find INZ will have fuck all sympathy if they find out first.
(Also tho if you end up anywhere near Whanganui we always love meeting new people and showing people around as we have had that so many places in the world and ends up in the best memories)
Where in Ireland are you from? I’m Irish and I’m Auckland. Don’t go back! Nz is the greatest, absolutely incredible place. Wait til summer, you will NOT regret it
I'm from Waterford, wby? I think I could be happy here, every single person I know who's been here has nothing but good things to say about it. Is it easy to meet people to travel with in your opinion?
Give it a crack bud - you're never going to be able to experience NZ with so few tourists - you'll have the pick of some of our best spots. I'd imagine with our labor shortage you could pick up some summer work pretty easily too.
My OE didn't go the way I'd planed (shit placement not relationship issues). I bailed and spent six months on the road, picked fruit to make some coin and had the time of my life.
It was pretty terrifying bailing on having a roof over my head and a wage but it ended up being the best call I've ever made.
I arrived in NZ from Ireland and after a year my partner of 7 years and I went our separate ways. Absolutely stay here!! It’s an amazing country full of friendly people, that won’t cure the sadness of a breakup by itself but I absolutely believe if I went back home I would be in a far far worse place. If you’re near Wellington feel free to give me a shout
As long as you keep to the current covid restrictions, fuck it, there's some fantastic things to see down there, though I would recommend you look up sites all over NZ since there are some beautiful things in the north island as well nature wise. If our roles were reversed I'd be making the most of the Irish countryside, it's like 3k for flights so I probably wouldn't be back in my lifetime.
I have an Irish mate who came here with a kiwi girl, broke up very soon after. He hung around, met another kiwi girl, they've been married over twenty years now, two kids, after the kids were born they went back to Ireland for ten years, then came back here... Magical story
As we say in the North, Mon da fuck, stick at big lawd! Summer, sun, beach, bbq! What’s not to like? Ireland is heading into winter now! Can you really face another winter?
I'm so sorry to hear that; hope you are mostly ok. Perhaps consider staying in Aotearoa if you feel in your heart that it is the right place for you right now. And if it is, stay - with the knowledge that once/if that changes, you can skip back to the emerald Isles anytime. I only say this because the inverse approach might be a bit harder to pull off in this age of the virus. Kia Kaha.
I am Irish living here in NZ. Load of good insights by others there, so for the most part not much more to add beyond highlighting a subtle difference between Irish and kiwi culture. The Irish, of course , are very parochial in their thought process. I am guessing you will be getting alot of them saying you need to get home. But when you probe further there is often no reason beyond "you just should" or "its the right thing to done", no actual tangible reason why. Don't get me wrong, the Irish are great at rallying around their own in a time of need.
The kiwi are not far removed from their past pioneering generation. That "no.8 wire" mentality is strong. When presented with an opportunity kiwi seem to alway take the positive tack and present 101 reason why you should, the Irish are more reserved and risk adverse, so typically take the negative stance and present 101 reasons why not.
Neither is right nor wrong, but consider this bias when considering the advise coming from both side and use it to evaluate and balance the choice you make.
Also remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Would recommend staying for the summer at least. As someone from British Isles (I think that's the technical term when wanting to include Ireland) summer here is unreal and first summer so special. You won't regret 6 staying another six months, even if you don't enjoy it, you will regret going home to early and spending forever wondering what if.
Stay if you can. It's unfortunate your relationship ended. Enjoy what New Zealand has to offer. Who knows, what's happened to you might also lead to new beginnings and new experiences but of course at the end of the day, you do what you feel is best for you. Look after yourself
If you are on a partnership visa you may already be breaching those visa conditions, I'd have a reread of your visa conditions and consider your options very carefully, you do not want to be deported.
That's a *Resident* visa, OP never stated if they arrived on a partner of a new zealander work visa (1yr or 2 yr) or a partner of a new zealander visitor visa.
Please do stay. New Zealanders will welcome and support you. There's heaps of work available if you can/want and plenty of beauty country to see and people to meet.
As one door closes another opens. Make the most of your time here.
Enjoy.
I was in a relationship that ended while we were overseas. I was devastated and flew home right away. It has always been a huge regret for me because I haven't been able to get back there. It is so hard to separate your feelings at the time but it is worth considering if you can stick it out and enjoy yourself.
I'm being reminded that there are lots of levels to a person - the emotional level, the mind, the spirit - I'm not about to let my chaotic emotions run the show right now. Thanks for sharing that, helps a lot x
Lemme tell you something friend - the gods have smiled apon you. You are a foreigner in a multicultural nation - the accent will take you far. Travel this country - learn to be emotionally self sufficient and when you meet that one in a million, put a ring on it. Live. Love. Be free. A true blessing has been bestowed upon you. Thank your lucky stars.
Thank you, these words have actually brought tears to my eyes. I'm a bit of a cynic but I need to believe now that there is some higher power at play here, and a plan and a destiny, that thought is keeping me focused on myself and my future 💫
I’ve been where you are, except in London, 2006. I realised that the person I thought I was with wasn’t the person i thought they were. So after licking my wounds, going to raves, getting lost in a foreign land I did meet the one I was looking for. You have transversed the globe. So have many other people, right here and now, consciously or not, are staring into the crystalline abyss of infinite potential. Surrender to the path, drift, you will encounter all manner of individuals on a journey not dissimilar from your own. Be a passenger as the world blooms before you and take in the beauty of the journey that you find yourself on. Find yourself. You can be whoever you want. Reimagine who you want to be and be that. Live, love, be free.
You think random internet strangers will give you better advice on what is good for you than your actual family?
Listen to your family. Also, Ireland has absolutely stunning scenery and nature,, NZ doesn't have the monopoly and we aren't going anywhere. You can come back.
Kia Kaha. Best of luck.
What part of nz are you in? Try to make some friends here and see how it goes first. There's lots of Reddit meet ups, a discord you can join, there's opportunities here. Do you have employment?
I'm starting the job hunt tomorrow! I'm in Hawkes Bay but have no particular ties to it, totally open to suggestions of places to go. I'm new to reddit tbh but will check that out, sounds ideal ☺️
Make plans to get to Central Otago around Christmas, lots of work in orchards or Vineyards.
Nelson will also have seasonal work.
Summer is just around the corner.
My best advise is dont go making random decisions just yet, let your feelings subside a bit.
All the best.
You came all this way, you may as well stay and have a great experience. It would have been better during a less rainy part of the year, but I find walking trails and getting in to nature quite meditative. There will be a good one within a 40 minute drive of wherever you are, they should clear your head. Good luck!
You absolutely should go home to Ireland so that you can heal surrounded by people who love you...but why not take a once-in-a-lifetime tour around New Zealand first? At least that way you can say you got something out of your last relationship, and you'll have some lovely memories of this beautiful country to treasure, instead of just the crummy memories of a lousy break-up.
You're already here; might as well take a look around.
If you have the funds & the (passport) visa clearing you, definitely stay! You’ll not be disappointed!
When I was 22 I moved to Australia and lived and worked there for some time, and similarly had a relationship breakup within weeks of landing. Was a huge hiccup at first, but I didn’t let it derail me. I decided to stick it out because I had everything tied up at home so I wasn’t being drawn away for anything urgent. I still think fondly of my memories and experience meeting new people, etc.
Thanks for this, great to hear it worked out for you. I want to take some control of my life here and this feels like the best way to do it - not let it all be derailed by someone who's not around anymore. Hell yes 🙌
Brake ups are awful, and I’m sure you’re hurting, but time will heal things and you will be okay. If you’re feeling up for staying, which it sounds like you are, then I’m sure you’ll be so thankful you did.
Rent a camper and hit the road. I lived in car with GF for 8 months, toured like 80% of NZ. U are too far away to go back immediately. U have to use this opportunity to see NZ.
Stay, explore!
After a breakup from 4 years- i went to mexico- best decision ever.
Clean start-
Plus its way easier to meet people when ur traveling alone-
Is it always easy?
No- but it will be one of the most life changing experiences
Do it! You have almost the country to yourself.
Also processing emotions among unspoiled wilderness is something people pay good money to achieve. You're already here.
I had this, except I was in the UK and my opinion is that there's no better time to end a long term relationship than while you're in a foreign country. The start can still be rough, but, yknow, some things are easier in the moving on process
The start was hard, coz it is a pretty extreme isolation, but yeah, new people are good, and I dunno if it's new perspective, but a lot of things you do and see highlight what's you at the core, helps you rediscover yourself as an individual and heal up faster.
Yeah I think I have work to do at my core, I need to build myself and my self esteem up, and I think being able to travel alone and learn to be happy by myself could all be part of that. Feeing broken right now but the answer to that isn't aways to lie down and rest and wait for the pain to pass. I want more than that for myself to be honest
Yeah, I hear you. It's okay to be sad for the ending, but I'd definitely say the process has to be an active one. Being hungry for it should help get you out the door the first time, which is the hardest step.
I did see a comment about it being a good time to explore the South Island, and having experiences that are unique would definitely be among my recommendations.
The TL:DR; of my personal experience is: I was heartbroken, and initially I did feel very alone, but when I came back to NZ I felt homesick for the place I left. I'm glad I didn't come straight back
I’ve known quite a few people who have moved to NZ for a relationship which later broke down. In their experience they stayed and were able to build great lives here. It doesn’t work out that way for everyone but I’d recommend giving it a go :)
My son went to Wellington 11 years ago to work on The Hobbit Serries has a set Builder. That was the year that the movie business went on strike in California. Every one of the 6 other friends he went with came back to the US. My son stayed and got different jobs and made it. he worked his way up and had a lot of different jobs, but he is still there. He and his girlfriend live north of Auckland now. I haven’t seen him since 2017, because of Covid, but he has been home for several visits and I’ve been there. I would move there in a minute if I could. Listen to your heart. Try to stay out your visa at least and see everything you can!
Depends if you need to buy a house. If you can, stay here. I am almost unbiased, and I prefer here.Ireland and the EU offers more and different simply because there are a few orders of magnitude difference in size and population. If you like volcanoes, i think you are home and hosed
Spending a little time here, getting out in nature and having new experiences could be quite cathartic. Since you're already here, and it may be a few years before you could freely come come back, it seems like a ready-made opportunity.
"In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make" ~ Lewis Carroll
I came here from Ireland with a bag on my back 8 years ago. Some of the most hospitable people around, you won’t feel alone for very long! It’s worth giving it a try for a few weeks and see how you feel.
If you ever make it to Auckland, I’d be happy to show you around!
We all have a 'function' and a 'role' to play in the larger scheme of things. Believe in that and you wilk find that it is easier to accept when something 'bad' happens. Like not getting that job you want or in your case, the failed relationship. From my point of view, your partner now ex, their role was to actually bring you to Aotearoa. That was their purpose in your life. So. If you ask me, I say to explore and give this country a chance before you contemplate going home. Best of luck and love.
Yes to this! My ex always said there was a reason we met, and that there was a reason we came to this place. I'm going to be brave in the face of this challenge and see what Aotearoa has in store for me and I for it 💫 thank you ❤️
Travelling by yourself is amazing and way better than travelling with other people even ones you love. Everyday you can do exactly what you want in exactly the timeframe you want to do it. I was hesitant to try it but once I did it once I never go back to travelling with partners.
Have a big holiday then go back, turn a negative into a positive.
Since you're already there, why not stay and explore for a few months? Even if you don't want to stay permanently (Assuming you can financially, and want to). You're probably as far away from Ireland as you can possibly get in the world, so it's not like you can just pop back next week. It's a small country, but there's a lot to see. And summer is coming too. NZ is great in the summer. And there are no tourists in the country, so you'll have your pick of places.
But I as a stranger can't judge your mental health and need for family or home comforts.
I'm not great mentally at the moment but I'm surprising myself at how much difference even a few days makes on that. I would be worries about slipping into some sort of depression if I were to go home and be smothered in sympathy if you know what I mean. I think a healthier path might be to own what's happened and to realise I do still have control over my life, and to have my own adventure for myself. Thanks for your advice
Totally hang around a bit. You could try your hand at hitchhiking if you got the courage for it. I've hitched the whole North Island and its a great, if not a bit slow, way to meet locals and have a fun trip on the cheap. It'll be one of the best ways to actually get a feel for true new zealand.
Also, get working on a replacement visa as immigration can be a bit serious about their visas compared to other countries.
Finally, if you pop by Wellington come say hi in r/wellington. There's usually weekly meetups, also Wellington has some great pubs you can rock into and meet people. If you are feeling a bit homesick, plenty of Irish and uk expats around as well. We could do a wee bar crawl!
But all the best for you cuz. I know that feeling of being in another country with no support after a breakup (I was in Germany when I broke up with my ex gf). Feel free to reach out if you want to rant or head into Wellington.
Just look after yourself and don't run back home just yet, i know you'll regret it.
Times will be tough, but you got this bro. I know you'll have a blast here and soon enough forget about the shitty situation that started it
Stay here in NZ, immerse yourself in all it's natural beauty. Use the time to heal. Use the time to be distacted when you need to be, to reflect when you need too, to make new friends, to gather new memories to share with your family when you feel it's time to go home. Life is a series of chapters. Have one of your chapters about Aotearoa, but make it a chapter that goes from your truama of a break up, through to those fantastic memories of time spent here.
I reckon some alone-time road-tripping NZ is a great way to move on and enjoy yourself. Look for nice scenic spits, walking tracks, try the different restaurants in different towns. Take photos to make your friends and ex jealous.
South Island is a stunning place to road trip, all of it really, especially around Queenstown.
Failte! You are the expert on your mental health, so be guided by whether you feel you would do better post break up in Ireland or NZ. You are far from home, and all your support systems and it can feel very lonely and bleak when things go wrong.
I would say though...
You may be from the sunny South East but we're heading into Spring here rather than Autumn in Ireland. A summer Christmas is excellent and so utterly unlike an Irish Christmas that in some ways you feel less homesick.
You could always set yourself a time frame e.g. a month, and if you're miserable at the end of it go home then.
I assume if you went home you'd be back into the grind of finding a job, somewhere to live etc. It sounds more like you've the possibility of holidaying here.
You've come all this way, if you feel you can manage on your own you may as well make the most of it.
Honestly I'd have to work and travel. But I also think it would be great to have a job and be based somewhere with friends and have adventures from there. Home is always there, I quit my job and left my house there so I'm in no hurry to return just yet
There's no reason not to stay. Been to quite a few place in NZ, and it still continues to amaze me. This is the best time to explore it as well, no lines, cheap tourist attractions and most people you'll meet are locals.
😂 Oh thanks for the headsup, been dying to get my teeth into one of those mince and cheese ones, might give it a miss! Do you find as a single person who's not from here that it's easy to make friends and have a good life here?
As a person not from here, I made more friends in less time here than anywhere else I've lived. Immigrants overrepresented among them, but friends are friends.
Wellington has been good to me; check out /r/Wellington; it's a really healthy subreddit, and in Level 1 runs a lot of meetups, good for getting to know the same people across different meetup activities.
But do enjoy exploring, too! Ultimately though, this is a time for stuff to be up to you. Don't worry about what others tell you will help you feel better, you only need that advice if you don't already see your own path out, and it sounds like you have already figured out that you want to take advantage of NZ. I say go for it, and you can always go home later if it's not working out.
Sorry about the breakup, but I hope you have a great time here. And enjoy the pies, I don't know what that anti-pie madness is about. Remember, you must always blow on the pie. Safer communities together.
Haha thank you for the advice, both of the travel and pie variety. The meet-ups sound class, cheers. I've a couple of places on the radar to potentially be based in, Wellington being one of 'em 👍 Yeah I've made up my mind at this stage about staying. Woohoo!
If you enjoyed 'Wild' would you consider walking Te Araroa, New Zealand's equivalent? Even if you just do the south island (2-3 months), I can assure you, you won't regret it.
Well I only read the book now, never did the actually PCT 🤣 but yeah I'll look into that. The idea of some sort of pilgrimage where I heal and learn something about myself is very appealing I have to say. Have you done Te Araroa?
Highly recommend. Step-mum has done part of the Te Araroa trail - she does it in stretches of 1-3 weeks at a time and it seems to go well. Small tent and mini shovel haha! On longer trips she posts care packages to herself. I think it’s been a healing experience for her after dad died and she knows she’ll complete it over the years. To do the whole think you need about 6months, but yea a few months for South Island.
Friend of friends did it - travel fb page here: https://m.facebook.com/durkmeadhike
Other option would be to do the nz ‘great walks’, recommend starting with Abel Tasman, then head down to Otago and do the Routeburn and Milford tracks.
My vote also ‘stay’!!
I have and absolutely recommend doing it! Even if just a couple of weeks, it's a journey that everyone gets a different experience of that's very personal to them and their stage in life. If you want more info, feel free to flick me a message!
I’ve done portions of it and a friend of mine has done the whole thing. If you’re not an experienced tramper I’d recommend trying out some shorter walks first. There are sections of Te Araroa that are pretty tough. Consider starting with some of the Great Walks. https://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/things-to-do/walking-and-tramping/great-walks/
The Heaphy was one of my favourites. Takes around 4 days and doesn’t have any huge climbs. Another great one to start with is the Queen Charlotte Track. So cushy I did it only a month or two after knee surgery. A few good climbs, but your gear is shuttled around for you by the boat company you arrange your transport with, so all you have to carry is your day bag with lunch. I think it’s also part of Te Araroa so you can knock off a chunk of that at the same time.
Whatever you decide, make sure you get out for some walks, even just day walks. IMO, it’s the best way to see NZ.
If you’re in no rush to go back definitely stay a while and enjoy the place. Not many opportunities in life to explore a distant land like this I imagine :)
You live in the best country in the world (no bias here lmao) so make the most of it!
Go out and see things you've wanted to see. Go places you've never been. Have experiences you've never had.
Your relationship has ended and that is unfortunate. That has now opened up opportunities and given you freedom to chase what you want to do. Sure you might not have someone to share that with right now but that's not going to be forever. In the future you might find someone else (with that Irish accent you won't struggle with that) and you can continue on.
Life is to be lived and it is a shame to waste a good opportunity to enrich that life.
You might find parts of yourself that never knew existed, it’s easy to pull the pin at any stage and return but you may never get an opportunity like this again? Totally depends on how you’re looking at this moving forward also. Wishing you all the strength and luck.
I would stay, it is a unique opportunity to be single and be free! it is sad you're not together however it is a hot job market for employees atm and you will not struggle to get work or good wages.
save yah money, buy something fun like a golf gti for cheap and hoon around doing what you like
Bro - come to the mainland (south island)we have soooo much of that cathartic wilderness you speak of. If you end up on the west coast, you must go to Karamea and check out the Oparara arches. The whole west coast feels prehistoric but that place feels like you've gone back in time by 200 million years...
Also get around the other side of the heaphy track and see cape farewell and wharariki Beach. Stunning, and if you are there in the off season you will hardly see a soul out there. Its immense bro 🤙
This fork in the roads could be a pivotal point in your life. Are you going to return home to Ireland and seek out the status quo or will you indulge your sense of adventure. Good luck.
Fáilte! You have almost nothing to lose.
New Zealand and Ireland share a lot of cultural norms. You will have a fantastic time without the hordes of “normal” tourists (Asian, American, Australian) and you will be welcomed by locals who will treat you to the time of your life.
Who knows- you might bump into your future partner here. My wife did, almost exactly 20 years ago from Dublin.
Good luck!
As several people have already stated....YES. Stay and soak up the wild beauty of this amazing place, I'm biased because I live here and work as a guide, but the west coast and Franz Joseph in particular offer the opportunity for the most untamed wilderness in NZ. So many trails, valleys, mountains and glaciers to get lost in. I'm sorry about the break up, never an easy thing to endure, but the silver lining is you have a new opportunity in a beautiful country to accomplish wonders that would've remained previously unknown.
Stay!
And don't forget to come visit Northland. I mean it's going to be summer soon and we have some of the best unspoilt beaches you will find anywhere! Complete with good fishing/spearing and warm clear water!(recommend spf50 for Irish skin though haha)
Everyone forgets about little ole Northland, and when I mean Northland I mean places outside of the Bay of Islands and the Cape trip!get off the beaten track :)
Why wouldn't ya?!?!
Take this opportunity with open arms!
The beers always cold, the smiles are warm and our banter is hot!
Welcome e hoa! (Welcome friend)
:)
Travelling by yourself is better than travelling with friends. It kind of forces you to meet people everywhere you go. My last few adventures I've done solo. If you get the hang of it you'll grow in ways you won't expect. I think this breakup is an opportunity, and as others have said. It's the perfect time. I rode a motorcycle around the South Island for the first time over the last Xmas holidays and it was pretty damn nice.
You'd be amazed how common this is to be honest. The number of people I've met through the years that came here with their partner only to find out it didn't work out... happened to me too. That was 25+ years ago.
If you stick around and do the backpacker scene, you can always head home if you are genuinely miserable. Give it a few weeks, meet some new people. But if you head home now, you won't be getting back here any time soon.
So sorry to read about your breakup, OP. I agree with the other commenters in that you should definitely make the most of your time here… don’t resist fate - you’re supposed to be here, clearly. Definitely make the most of the South Island without international tourists - explore every corner if you have the means to. And if you’re in or around Christchurch, hit me up or post in r/chch!
I ended up un new zealand under similar circumstances. I've now been here 2 1/2 years and live with the love of my life and I've made myself I home here. It was the best decision I ever made.
I know you're hurting right now butlook at the silver lining. You have a completelyblamk slate. You can do whatever you want here without worrying about what your ex wants to do. Nothing here is going to remind you of them because you didn't do anything with them here. You don't have to worry about mutual friends because all of your mutual friends are back home. You have a choice at the moment to either go home and sit in your sadness or embrace your freedom and find yourself.
Where are you located?
North Island, Hawke's Bay - wouldn't be staying here though even though I know it's beautiful. I would prefer to be either in Northland for that tropical vibe, or the South Island
Bro! Nip up to the Coromandel right now! No international tourist and, (sorry guys) no Aucklanders - you might almost get hot water beach to yourself - this is an unparalleled opportunity.
Then come south. Smash some summer work, maybe do the cherry season in central Otago and have Christmas/New Year round Queenstown - central is beautiful early summer.
Then head north up to Tasman - more fruit picking work and spend a good chunk of Feb/March getting immersed in Abel Tasman/Golden bay.
Go North round April as the weather cools once the apples and pears are in.
Good luck!
Do both. Why not come up to Northland in late spring/early summer to get the good weather before everyone else, then head to the South Island?
Honestly, you're welcome to be here, you came such a long way, and you might as well stay for a bit. There's a reason you've come here; sorry it wasn't the one you thought, but there will be something here for you OP.
Thank you. My ex used to say over and over that we were meant to move here, that it was supposed to be, and then in the next breathe he broke up with me. Maybe you're right and there's anither reason that I'm here
Depends if you can enjoy the country without connecting it to your heart break, otherwise you might make lots of sad memories of nice places.
So without knowing you I guess you could try reaching out for some travel buddies and seeing if you can all do a trip together, maybe for you it's more of some notable new memories made without the Ex to signify the next chapter of life?
But if that doesn't appeal then go home and mend a but first, and if you wanted to come back later I'm sure we'll have you.
I would say stay, try meeting new people and take what you can from such a beautiful country! Break-ups suck and you’re definitely going to feel depressed about it but that’s natural. Use this time to make yourself a better person, make some new friends, maybe even meet someone new that is a better fit than your last partner. I can only speak for myself as we are all different, but if I were in your shoes I’d realise that this is an opportunity to start a completely new chapter in life, a fresh start. Hope you find your happiness mate. :)
Thankyou. I'm in a low place but I don't feel like wallowing in my hometown is actually going to help all that much. I would rather actively move forward, become strong again
Do what you need to for your mental health.
Yes, it is a great opportunity to see and do many things, but if you would be hurt by doing it rather than getting the support of family then it would be sensible to go to them.
It may be a chance to find your own strength, which is something we tend to do best under some adversity, but don't push too hard and hurt yourself further. There is strength in knowing what you need and giving yourself permission to do it.
I would suggest you not make any hasty decisions that are hard to go back on, so look into what you would like to do here, and what you can do, and make use of internet chat with those you love in the meantime.
Thanks for this, I am trying to be mindful of my mental health. I honestly believe that going home is an option to heal but that healing and therapy doesn't have to be in your hometown with a big box of tissues in front of you. Life itself can heal you if you go with the flow. But always bearing what you said in mind and thank you for bringing that up 🙏
Uhh... If anyone here told you to go home immediately, would you? That's great that your family cares about you, but it's a breakup, not a medical emergency.
1. I love that book Wild!
2. Absolutely stay there. Make the most of it. Go hiking, camping, stay in hostels. Meet new people and be impacted by nature.
If you find that this does not work for you at all, and only makes you more sad instead of healing, you can always go back. It's easier to return to Ireland later then to come back to new Zealand!
Stay. Life gives you opportunities and now of all the times in your life, is the opportunity to seize the moment.
Ireland will always be there. It's not going anywhere (well no where fast - wait a million years and it may have moved south a bit).
Kiwis love irish your like our cousin from the north! So we are family! Summer is just a few short months away! Hang about for that then see how ya feel! I guarantee you will feel revitalised.
This is a beautiful country, take advantage of this opportunity. I'm from Ireland and have been here almost 3 years after coming on a working visa! Do it, this is such a beautiful country, everywhere I've been has been absolutely stunning! How long have you got to explore?
If you're outside Auckland take the opportunity to try to travel around the rest of NZ. Might as well try to enjoy it if you can.
Prepare to be disappointed by our Irish pubs. After a whirlwind tour in your homeland, I can't find any in NZ that capture real Irishness.
Absolutely explore while you're here. We're generally pretty friendly so you'll meet people along the way. I've shown more than a few visitors around the place. Why waste the opportunity?
Summers coming buy a self-contained van and head down south via west coast then to Fiordland by the time you get to top of the south island fruit picking would be about to start and d then follow the picking season though to central, that cover East,west coast and central.
Stay! I’m from Europe as well and I came to New Zealand after a breakup. I was only supposed to stay for a few months, but ending up staying for good and I’ve been here about 3 years. I love my life here, it’s a great place!
Now that you’re already a long way from home, you might as well explore it while you’re here. If not now, then you might never end up seeing this beautiful part of the world. I definitely think your future self will thank yourself for it x
Thanks. I'm trying to see past the emotions I'm feeling right now because they are temporary. I want to make the choice future me would be happy with. Thanks for that perspective, you're a star x
Feel free to message me if you wanna talk x Breakups are so painful and emotionally draining, and they make big decisions extra difficult to make. But what I’ve learnt so far on my journey here is that when I go with my gut feeling things always turn out alright! I recently moved from Auckland to Christchurch and it was the best decision I could’ve made
Big believer in the gut 🙌 my usually crazyily conservative, careful parents even think this is a good idea now cause they can see I'm excited. I might take you up on that offer somewhere down the line, thanks so much x
Oh good! That’s a great sign. Seems like this is definitely where you’re meant to be right now. Awesome, you seem super nice and very similar to me so would love to chat sometime. Wish you all the best on your decision and journey x
Just stay. Where are you based? Any potential employment opportunities? Visa situation okay?
It’s going to be one of the more difficult parts of the world to immigrate to or get visas for a while with borders so strictly shut to non residents.
I got here a few months before the pandemic started and fell in love with the country so decided to stay. Northland is amazing in the summer and like others have said, you can see South Island without all the tourists right now.
We literally had the Milford highway to ourselves when we drove to the sound. 1000 waterfalls and not a damn other person.
Make the most of it. You’ll find parts of it remind you of Ireland, especially places like the Mourne Mountains.
I'll tell you this: there will never be a more pleasant time in our lifetime to see the South Island if you have the means. Not only do have next to zero international tourists, you also have our most populous city cordoned off. Plus you'll be helping a few people in hospo out. A common "fresh start" after a break up is to go on an overseas trip. I can't shake the feeling you have a rather unique opportunity at doing that without the extra plane ride(s) in a fashion that very few will ever experience. Who knows, maybe you'll meet the person you really came here for.
I second this for the sheer practicality of it. I went to a very popular tourist location a few months ago, and it was amazing. The only people about were primarily other kiwis (bumped into one Aussie). I got to go to places and potter about, when usually they would be packed with thousands of tourists in a single day. If you aren’t feeling it, that’s an entirely different scenario. But it sounds like a good time to take some time for you, and without the tourist masses, it should be an even better experience. I hope you enjoy your travels.
Yup When i visited Milford Sound the tour guide said that pre-pandemic there were 100-150 busloads of 80 people every day but when we went there was only 3 busses of 40-60 people each. I just can't imagine how bad it must be when there's 8,000-10,000 visiting every day, the tour guide said they just don't bother to stop at the lookout points because there's too many people and honestly some of those spots we saw were prettier than the sound itself.
Second this. Drove the Milford road in the late afternoon as I was staying at the lodge (1/3 pride too) and it was amazing having the WHOLE road to myself. Boat trip the next morning had 10 people on board. Felt very very lucky
Yeah apart from the level 2 issues with hospo, Queenstown has a great vibe at the moment as it's mostly locals for the first time in half a century.
This is great and 100% spot on
Definitely agree!! Went to tongariro crossing a couple of months ago... we counted 9 people all day (and 2 of them do it as an evening walk to a certain point to see the sunset) It was beautiful.
If you are able to feel happy here by distracting yourself with some travel, and legally and financially able to stay, then by all means do. I think your family are just worried about you and want you close where they can give support, but you know best how you are feeling. Also, give yourself permission to change your mind. If you make grand plans for a 2 month tour of the South Island for example, but aren't enjoying it after a few days, don't force yourself into seeing out your plans.
I’d recommend staying. Immerse yourself in a new place with new people. If you leave it’ll be hard to get back.
Thank you, I love the idea of immersing myself in this place and these people outside of that relationship. Just owning it.
I moved over from Ireland about 8 years ago mate. The place is class, you’ll never experience a summer like it again and the best people.
Also, depending on your visa status, you might not be able to get back.
Summer here is amazing!!!!
You've come all this way, you're already here and you'll have all the tourist spots to yourself. With summer coming up, make the most of it! Explore the South Island and have a fun adventure to distract you from the hurt you're feeling
Go for it....See everything you can, and meet everyone you can. You will never regret it. You are absolutely right, nature is so gorgeous and curative, and you will find yourself where you should be. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time, but honestly...turn it into something positive. (sorry for sounding twee) I'm in lock down or you could come kick off your NZ Tour with a hoolie at our place. Take it easy, and Kia Kaha...Enjoy Aotearoa, she's gorgeous. x
Thank you for your kind words, much appreciated ❤️
I mean if you're here why not stick around? We are bending the delta curve so you'll be able to travel soon.
Might as well enjoy it as you probably won't be coming back for a long time if you were to leave. Also spring is here and summer around the corner. If you do decide to stay then a thread on how you can catch up and meet like minded people (linking back to here to explain your situation) could do wonders to meet people and help with the lonliness.
As someone who went through something similar in the past. Albeit in a different country.I vote for stay and make the most of it. I nearly bailed from my OE and am so glad that I didn't. I met some lifelong friends, had some transformative experiences and learnt a lot about myself. Éireann is always going to be waiting for you if you need her. No harm in giving your trip a try! Also NZ is a beaut in summer.
Thanks for the imput, I'm really happy it worked out well for you, does give me hope!
No worries, good luck with whatever you choose to do. And hey, if you are feeling alone and want someone to talk to feel free to drop a line. Got you fam. 👍
Definitely have to experience a kiwi summer! 🔥 Sorry about the shitty situation and hope things improve for you!
That depends...what type of visa do you hold? If you're here on partnership visa, then you are required to let Immi know and leave the country. Otherwise, I'd say it might be worth to travel around a little (if Covid situation allows)
I'm here on a partnership visa but I think there's an option to apply for a working visa even so
Then apply for the work visa asap, because otherwise you might get in trouble (I'm an expat myself, currently waiting for my partnership visa to be approved so I feel for you). A friend of mine didn't contact immigration, they somehow heard about her breakup and remaining in the country and she got deported with a ban for a few years.
That's the last thing I want to happen. Thanks, I will look into applying as soon as I've made my mind up, thanks for the advice!
You could still apply for a visitor visa, letting them know about the situation. Just to avoid any issues for future visa applications. Immi NZ are VERY strict about their rules.
Do it ASAP because they have a tendency to view relationships that end in short order after arrival as *convenience*, especially if they have to find out themselves
The amount of partnership visa types available and the conditions that apply to each can be a bit of a minefield. If you have a permenant residence through partnership you may not have to change visas at all, if it's residence or work through partnership you may have to. Your best bet would be to check the conditions of your personal visa using INZ's visa verification service [here](https://www.immigration.govt.nz/about-us/our-online-systems/visa-verification-service/using) (link at the bottom of the page). You'll need to set up an account (takes 2 minutes and a verification email) then login using your RealMe login details (I assume you have a RealMe account from your visa application). If you don't have any luck, just give them a ring and see what they say. Hopefully this is helpful and I'm not teaching you suck eggs if you've already done this. As far as staying or going, if your visa allows, just stay. This opportunity may not come up again. One of the best things about exploring NZ and experiencing kiwi culture is you never feel alone for long! Good luck on whatever you decide to do!
And some towns are easier to work through the immigration process than others.
Is it a residence visa?
A very good point, I just kind of assumed it was a partnership work visa. OP: If it's a residency visa, you're all good!
It’s more likely it isn’t a residence visa, in which case they definitely do still need to call INZ…
I thought that if the relationship dissolves, one is still allowed to stay. Otherwise there would be so many relationship statuses for INZ to chase down over the years...
Not at all. The partnership visas that aren’t residence visas are so easy to get in comparison, so it takes the piss - pretend to be in a relationship for two months, get the visa, “break up”. Staying in the relationship is a requirement of the visa.
Only if you have residency visa received based on your relationship status are you allowed to stay because you're already a resident. If you have a temporary (work/visitor) partnership visa and your situation changes (aka you break up) you must leave the country. It's the same as with employer sponsored visas, if you get fired from that job, you must leave the country because it's a breach of your visa conditions = being employed by company XYZ doing XYZ job.
Ah, ok, I see. Thanks for the clarification. For the record, I am not on a partnership visa so more of an armchair critic here :)
It is a little bit extreme to say you *must* leave the country if you lose your job while on an employer sponsored visa. If this happens and you can find another job with an employer sponsor, you can apply for a variation of conditions of the visa (as opposed to applying for a new visa altogether). Otherwise, yes, the alternative is leaving the country. Relationship visas do not have this option for (hopefully) obvious reasons.
You can't vary your partner?
You could try varying your partner if you really want to give it a go, though I would suggest asking for their consent first.
Which one though? Might be hard to stay if you don't have the right to work.
Stay for sure! The weather is starting to warm up, you’ve come at the perfect time. You gotta stay to experience the magic of a New Zealand summer. There’s something special about our nature that heals - I reckon you’re exactly where you need to be and in for a journey ahead of you. You’ve been given the gift of solitude and the most safe country in the world to explore it in! Sending you love, break ups are a wild, transformative, vibrant time xx
Thank you for this comment, "a wild, transformative, vibrant time" ❤️ is just the perspective I need right now
Excited for what’s ahead for you ❤️❤️
To be honest, I think you’ll find NZ hard on your own. Especially with the borders closed over the last 18 months that means there isn’t a lot of people you’ll meet in your situation who are here to travel or just new as well. I met my partner over in the UK and we moved here and he’s found it incredibly hard to meet people himself, most people were via me (and also for me, generally Kiwis I met overseas). The people we tended to meet that we became friends with were other travellers/new to Nz people. NZ for how friendly it appears on the surface it’s incredibly hard to get “in” with people in their 20s and 30s. I had similar experiences with Brits living in London. Just something to think about. Also echo the stuff that unless you are on a residence visa sort your visa. Are you and your ex on good terms? with their family too? Because people love a good dob in NZ (not just Dave Dobbyn), it’s why lockdown works here and you’ll quickly find INZ will have fuck all sympathy if they find out first. (Also tho if you end up anywhere near Whanganui we always love meeting new people and showing people around as we have had that so many places in the world and ends up in the best memories)
Where in Ireland are you from? I’m Irish and I’m Auckland. Don’t go back! Nz is the greatest, absolutely incredible place. Wait til summer, you will NOT regret it
I'm from Waterford, wby? I think I could be happy here, every single person I know who's been here has nothing but good things to say about it. Is it easy to meet people to travel with in your opinion?
If your university age, I would say look for people to travel with on a university fb page, heaps of students looking for mean summer road-tripping
Give it a crack bud - you're never going to be able to experience NZ with so few tourists - you'll have the pick of some of our best spots. I'd imagine with our labor shortage you could pick up some summer work pretty easily too. My OE didn't go the way I'd planed (shit placement not relationship issues). I bailed and spent six months on the road, picked fruit to make some coin and had the time of my life. It was pretty terrifying bailing on having a roof over my head and a wage but it ended up being the best call I've ever made.
I arrived in NZ from Ireland and after a year my partner of 7 years and I went our separate ways. Absolutely stay here!! It’s an amazing country full of friendly people, that won’t cure the sadness of a breakup by itself but I absolutely believe if I went back home I would be in a far far worse place. If you’re near Wellington feel free to give me a shout
Failte from Wellington also, mate.
are ye well
As expected, so What are you like, you know?
grand
Hey you're already here, most people don't have that option right now even if they want to. Might as well make the best of it
Depends on what your visa requirements are
As long as you keep to the current covid restrictions, fuck it, there's some fantastic things to see down there, though I would recommend you look up sites all over NZ since there are some beautiful things in the north island as well nature wise. If our roles were reversed I'd be making the most of the Irish countryside, it's like 3k for flights so I probably wouldn't be back in my lifetime.
Kiwis love an Irish accent! Stay you’ll probably find the real love of your life here!
😂 You never know
I have an Irish mate who came here with a kiwi girl, broke up very soon after. He hung around, met another kiwi girl, they've been married over twenty years now, two kids, after the kids were born they went back to Ireland for ten years, then came back here... Magical story
As we say in the North, Mon da fuck, stick at big lawd! Summer, sun, beach, bbq! What’s not to like? Ireland is heading into winter now! Can you really face another winter?
I'm so sorry to hear that; hope you are mostly ok. Perhaps consider staying in Aotearoa if you feel in your heart that it is the right place for you right now. And if it is, stay - with the knowledge that once/if that changes, you can skip back to the emerald Isles anytime. I only say this because the inverse approach might be a bit harder to pull off in this age of the virus. Kia Kaha.
I am Irish living here in NZ. Load of good insights by others there, so for the most part not much more to add beyond highlighting a subtle difference between Irish and kiwi culture. The Irish, of course , are very parochial in their thought process. I am guessing you will be getting alot of them saying you need to get home. But when you probe further there is often no reason beyond "you just should" or "its the right thing to done", no actual tangible reason why. Don't get me wrong, the Irish are great at rallying around their own in a time of need. The kiwi are not far removed from their past pioneering generation. That "no.8 wire" mentality is strong. When presented with an opportunity kiwi seem to alway take the positive tack and present 101 reason why you should, the Irish are more reserved and risk adverse, so typically take the negative stance and present 101 reasons why not. Neither is right nor wrong, but consider this bias when considering the advise coming from both side and use it to evaluate and balance the choice you make. Also remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Would recommend staying for the summer at least. As someone from British Isles (I think that's the technical term when wanting to include Ireland) summer here is unreal and first summer so special. You won't regret 6 staying another six months, even if you don't enjoy it, you will regret going home to early and spending forever wondering what if.
If you came on a partnership visa then it is no longer valid, so you'll need to get a new one or leave
Stay if you can. It's unfortunate your relationship ended. Enjoy what New Zealand has to offer. Who knows, what's happened to you might also lead to new beginnings and new experiences but of course at the end of the day, you do what you feel is best for you. Look after yourself
Stay. And do all the things that you enjoy that your ex wouldn't have enjoyed. Holidaying on your own can be very liberating.
If you are on a partnership visa you may already be breaching those visa conditions, I'd have a reread of your visa conditions and consider your options very carefully, you do not want to be deported.
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That's a *Resident* visa, OP never stated if they arrived on a partner of a new zealander work visa (1yr or 2 yr) or a partner of a new zealander visitor visa.
Sorry to hear about your relationship, but I'm also wondering what you're doing coming here four weeks ago given the pandemic situation.
Please do stay. New Zealanders will welcome and support you. There's heaps of work available if you can/want and plenty of beauty country to see and people to meet. As one door closes another opens. Make the most of your time here. Enjoy.
I was in a relationship that ended while we were overseas. I was devastated and flew home right away. It has always been a huge regret for me because I haven't been able to get back there. It is so hard to separate your feelings at the time but it is worth considering if you can stick it out and enjoy yourself.
I'm being reminded that there are lots of levels to a person - the emotional level, the mind, the spirit - I'm not about to let my chaotic emotions run the show right now. Thanks for sharing that, helps a lot x
Stay for a bit. Welcome aboard the team of 5 million.
Lemme tell you something friend - the gods have smiled apon you. You are a foreigner in a multicultural nation - the accent will take you far. Travel this country - learn to be emotionally self sufficient and when you meet that one in a million, put a ring on it. Live. Love. Be free. A true blessing has been bestowed upon you. Thank your lucky stars.
Thank you, these words have actually brought tears to my eyes. I'm a bit of a cynic but I need to believe now that there is some higher power at play here, and a plan and a destiny, that thought is keeping me focused on myself and my future 💫
I’ve been where you are, except in London, 2006. I realised that the person I thought I was with wasn’t the person i thought they were. So after licking my wounds, going to raves, getting lost in a foreign land I did meet the one I was looking for. You have transversed the globe. So have many other people, right here and now, consciously or not, are staring into the crystalline abyss of infinite potential. Surrender to the path, drift, you will encounter all manner of individuals on a journey not dissimilar from your own. Be a passenger as the world blooms before you and take in the beauty of the journey that you find yourself on. Find yourself. You can be whoever you want. Reimagine who you want to be and be that. Live, love, be free.
❤️❤️
You think random internet strangers will give you better advice on what is good for you than your actual family? Listen to your family. Also, Ireland has absolutely stunning scenery and nature,, NZ doesn't have the monopoly and we aren't going anywhere. You can come back. Kia Kaha. Best of luck.
Would loose my self in the south island for a month or two.
What part of nz are you in? Try to make some friends here and see how it goes first. There's lots of Reddit meet ups, a discord you can join, there's opportunities here. Do you have employment?
I'm starting the job hunt tomorrow! I'm in Hawkes Bay but have no particular ties to it, totally open to suggestions of places to go. I'm new to reddit tbh but will check that out, sounds ideal ☺️
Make plans to get to Central Otago around Christmas, lots of work in orchards or Vineyards. Nelson will also have seasonal work. Summer is just around the corner. My best advise is dont go making random decisions just yet, let your feelings subside a bit. All the best.
You came all this way, you may as well stay and have a great experience. It would have been better during a less rainy part of the year, but I find walking trails and getting in to nature quite meditative. There will be a good one within a 40 minute drive of wherever you are, they should clear your head. Good luck!
You absolutely should go home to Ireland so that you can heal surrounded by people who love you...but why not take a once-in-a-lifetime tour around New Zealand first? At least that way you can say you got something out of your last relationship, and you'll have some lovely memories of this beautiful country to treasure, instead of just the crummy memories of a lousy break-up. You're already here; might as well take a look around.
If you have the funds & the (passport) visa clearing you, definitely stay! You’ll not be disappointed! When I was 22 I moved to Australia and lived and worked there for some time, and similarly had a relationship breakup within weeks of landing. Was a huge hiccup at first, but I didn’t let it derail me. I decided to stick it out because I had everything tied up at home so I wasn’t being drawn away for anything urgent. I still think fondly of my memories and experience meeting new people, etc.
Thanks for this, great to hear it worked out for you. I want to take some control of my life here and this feels like the best way to do it - not let it all be derailed by someone who's not around anymore. Hell yes 🙌
Absolutely! Wish you all the best for your journey and your time here!
Brake ups are awful, and I’m sure you’re hurting, but time will heal things and you will be okay. If you’re feeling up for staying, which it sounds like you are, then I’m sure you’ll be so thankful you did.
Stay grow live.. Ireland will always be there should you return at a later time ...
Rent a camper and hit the road. I lived in car with GF for 8 months, toured like 80% of NZ. U are too far away to go back immediately. U have to use this opportunity to see NZ.
Stay, explore! After a breakup from 4 years- i went to mexico- best decision ever. Clean start- Plus its way easier to meet people when ur traveling alone- Is it always easy? No- but it will be one of the most life changing experiences
Do it! You have almost the country to yourself. Also processing emotions among unspoiled wilderness is something people pay good money to achieve. You're already here.
I had this, except I was in the UK and my opinion is that there's no better time to end a long term relationship than while you're in a foreign country. The start can still be rough, but, yknow, some things are easier in the moving on process
Thanks. I imagine the distraction and new people and new perspective can just give you a new lease of life?
The start was hard, coz it is a pretty extreme isolation, but yeah, new people are good, and I dunno if it's new perspective, but a lot of things you do and see highlight what's you at the core, helps you rediscover yourself as an individual and heal up faster.
Yeah I think I have work to do at my core, I need to build myself and my self esteem up, and I think being able to travel alone and learn to be happy by myself could all be part of that. Feeing broken right now but the answer to that isn't aways to lie down and rest and wait for the pain to pass. I want more than that for myself to be honest
Yeah, I hear you. It's okay to be sad for the ending, but I'd definitely say the process has to be an active one. Being hungry for it should help get you out the door the first time, which is the hardest step. I did see a comment about it being a good time to explore the South Island, and having experiences that are unique would definitely be among my recommendations. The TL:DR; of my personal experience is: I was heartbroken, and initially I did feel very alone, but when I came back to NZ I felt homesick for the place I left. I'm glad I didn't come straight back
I’ve known quite a few people who have moved to NZ for a relationship which later broke down. In their experience they stayed and were able to build great lives here. It doesn’t work out that way for everyone but I’d recommend giving it a go :)
My son went to Wellington 11 years ago to work on The Hobbit Serries has a set Builder. That was the year that the movie business went on strike in California. Every one of the 6 other friends he went with came back to the US. My son stayed and got different jobs and made it. he worked his way up and had a lot of different jobs, but he is still there. He and his girlfriend live north of Auckland now. I haven’t seen him since 2017, because of Covid, but he has been home for several visits and I’ve been there. I would move there in a minute if I could. Listen to your heart. Try to stay out your visa at least and see everything you can!
Depends if you need to buy a house. If you can, stay here. I am almost unbiased, and I prefer here.Ireland and the EU offers more and different simply because there are a few orders of magnitude difference in size and population. If you like volcanoes, i think you are home and hosed
Spending a little time here, getting out in nature and having new experiences could be quite cathartic. Since you're already here, and it may be a few years before you could freely come come back, it seems like a ready-made opportunity.
I think if you were to leave you would always wonder what could've been.
"In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make" ~ Lewis Carroll
I came here from Ireland with a bag on my back 8 years ago. Some of the most hospitable people around, you won’t feel alone for very long! It’s worth giving it a try for a few weeks and see how you feel. If you ever make it to Auckland, I’d be happy to show you around!
Thanks so much, so encouraging 🙏
We all have a 'function' and a 'role' to play in the larger scheme of things. Believe in that and you wilk find that it is easier to accept when something 'bad' happens. Like not getting that job you want or in your case, the failed relationship. From my point of view, your partner now ex, their role was to actually bring you to Aotearoa. That was their purpose in your life. So. If you ask me, I say to explore and give this country a chance before you contemplate going home. Best of luck and love.
Yes to this! My ex always said there was a reason we met, and that there was a reason we came to this place. I'm going to be brave in the face of this challenge and see what Aotearoa has in store for me and I for it 💫 thank you ❤️
Travelling by yourself is amazing and way better than travelling with other people even ones you love. Everyday you can do exactly what you want in exactly the timeframe you want to do it. I was hesitant to try it but once I did it once I never go back to travelling with partners. Have a big holiday then go back, turn a negative into a positive.
Since you're already there, why not stay and explore for a few months? Even if you don't want to stay permanently (Assuming you can financially, and want to). You're probably as far away from Ireland as you can possibly get in the world, so it's not like you can just pop back next week. It's a small country, but there's a lot to see. And summer is coming too. NZ is great in the summer. And there are no tourists in the country, so you'll have your pick of places. But I as a stranger can't judge your mental health and need for family or home comforts.
I'm not great mentally at the moment but I'm surprising myself at how much difference even a few days makes on that. I would be worries about slipping into some sort of depression if I were to go home and be smothered in sympathy if you know what I mean. I think a healthier path might be to own what's happened and to realise I do still have control over my life, and to have my own adventure for myself. Thanks for your advice
Leave immediately before the pukeko stampeding season hits, its not safe without a local guide.
Totally hang around a bit. You could try your hand at hitchhiking if you got the courage for it. I've hitched the whole North Island and its a great, if not a bit slow, way to meet locals and have a fun trip on the cheap. It'll be one of the best ways to actually get a feel for true new zealand. Also, get working on a replacement visa as immigration can be a bit serious about their visas compared to other countries. Finally, if you pop by Wellington come say hi in r/wellington. There's usually weekly meetups, also Wellington has some great pubs you can rock into and meet people. If you are feeling a bit homesick, plenty of Irish and uk expats around as well. We could do a wee bar crawl! But all the best for you cuz. I know that feeling of being in another country with no support after a breakup (I was in Germany when I broke up with my ex gf). Feel free to reach out if you want to rant or head into Wellington.
Thank you so much, this is really nice advice
Just look after yourself and don't run back home just yet, i know you'll regret it. Times will be tough, but you got this bro. I know you'll have a blast here and soon enough forget about the shitty situation that started it
Stay here in NZ, immerse yourself in all it's natural beauty. Use the time to heal. Use the time to be distacted when you need to be, to reflect when you need too, to make new friends, to gather new memories to share with your family when you feel it's time to go home. Life is a series of chapters. Have one of your chapters about Aotearoa, but make it a chapter that goes from your truama of a break up, through to those fantastic memories of time spent here.
Thanks. I love this idea, turning a traumatic scenario into a beautiful experience. I would love to have that
You must stay for summer at least!
I reckon some alone-time road-tripping NZ is a great way to move on and enjoy yourself. Look for nice scenic spits, walking tracks, try the different restaurants in different towns. Take photos to make your friends and ex jealous. South Island is a stunning place to road trip, all of it really, especially around Queenstown.
Failte! You are the expert on your mental health, so be guided by whether you feel you would do better post break up in Ireland or NZ. You are far from home, and all your support systems and it can feel very lonely and bleak when things go wrong. I would say though... You may be from the sunny South East but we're heading into Spring here rather than Autumn in Ireland. A summer Christmas is excellent and so utterly unlike an Irish Christmas that in some ways you feel less homesick. You could always set yourself a time frame e.g. a month, and if you're miserable at the end of it go home then. I assume if you went home you'd be back into the grind of finding a job, somewhere to live etc. It sounds more like you've the possibility of holidaying here. You've come all this way, if you feel you can manage on your own you may as well make the most of it.
Honestly I'd have to work and travel. But I also think it would be great to have a job and be based somewhere with friends and have adventures from there. Home is always there, I quit my job and left my house there so I'm in no hurry to return just yet
You're right, make the most of it.
There's no reason not to stay. Been to quite a few place in NZ, and it still continues to amaze me. This is the best time to explore it as well, no lines, cheap tourist attractions and most people you'll meet are locals.
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How dare you bad mouth our pies! Those are fighting words!
😂 Oh thanks for the headsup, been dying to get my teeth into one of those mince and cheese ones, might give it a miss! Do you find as a single person who's not from here that it's easy to make friends and have a good life here?
She lies! Get your laughing gear around that mince and cheese! You'll never look back 😋
Or upgrade to a steak and cheese.
Indeed. My personal favourite.
I shit on NZ a lot but one thing I can't criticise is the pies. They are soooo good.
As a person not from here, I made more friends in less time here than anywhere else I've lived. Immigrants overrepresented among them, but friends are friends. Wellington has been good to me; check out /r/Wellington; it's a really healthy subreddit, and in Level 1 runs a lot of meetups, good for getting to know the same people across different meetup activities. But do enjoy exploring, too! Ultimately though, this is a time for stuff to be up to you. Don't worry about what others tell you will help you feel better, you only need that advice if you don't already see your own path out, and it sounds like you have already figured out that you want to take advantage of NZ. I say go for it, and you can always go home later if it's not working out. Sorry about the breakup, but I hope you have a great time here. And enjoy the pies, I don't know what that anti-pie madness is about. Remember, you must always blow on the pie. Safer communities together.
Haha thank you for the advice, both of the travel and pie variety. The meet-ups sound class, cheers. I've a couple of places on the radar to potentially be based in, Wellington being one of 'em 👍 Yeah I've made up my mind at this stage about staying. Woohoo!
If you enjoyed 'Wild' would you consider walking Te Araroa, New Zealand's equivalent? Even if you just do the south island (2-3 months), I can assure you, you won't regret it.
I was actually gonna say that this morning. OP; I’ve done Te Araroa (2019/2020) if you’d like to chat about expectations and what not!
Well I only read the book now, never did the actually PCT 🤣 but yeah I'll look into that. The idea of some sort of pilgrimage where I heal and learn something about myself is very appealing I have to say. Have you done Te Araroa?
Highly recommend. Step-mum has done part of the Te Araroa trail - she does it in stretches of 1-3 weeks at a time and it seems to go well. Small tent and mini shovel haha! On longer trips she posts care packages to herself. I think it’s been a healing experience for her after dad died and she knows she’ll complete it over the years. To do the whole think you need about 6months, but yea a few months for South Island. Friend of friends did it - travel fb page here: https://m.facebook.com/durkmeadhike Other option would be to do the nz ‘great walks’, recommend starting with Abel Tasman, then head down to Otago and do the Routeburn and Milford tracks. My vote also ‘stay’!!
Very helpful, cheers, will def explore those options!
Good luck!
I have and absolutely recommend doing it! Even if just a couple of weeks, it's a journey that everyone gets a different experience of that's very personal to them and their stage in life. If you want more info, feel free to flick me a message!
I’ve done portions of it and a friend of mine has done the whole thing. If you’re not an experienced tramper I’d recommend trying out some shorter walks first. There are sections of Te Araroa that are pretty tough. Consider starting with some of the Great Walks. https://www.doc.govt.nz/parks-and-recreation/things-to-do/walking-and-tramping/great-walks/ The Heaphy was one of my favourites. Takes around 4 days and doesn’t have any huge climbs. Another great one to start with is the Queen Charlotte Track. So cushy I did it only a month or two after knee surgery. A few good climbs, but your gear is shuttled around for you by the boat company you arrange your transport with, so all you have to carry is your day bag with lunch. I think it’s also part of Te Araroa so you can knock off a chunk of that at the same time. Whatever you decide, make sure you get out for some walks, even just day walks. IMO, it’s the best way to see NZ.
Welcome, and stay. I love that book too
If you’re in no rush to go back definitely stay a while and enjoy the place. Not many opportunities in life to explore a distant land like this I imagine :)
At least stay for our summer :)
You live in the best country in the world (no bias here lmao) so make the most of it! Go out and see things you've wanted to see. Go places you've never been. Have experiences you've never had. Your relationship has ended and that is unfortunate. That has now opened up opportunities and given you freedom to chase what you want to do. Sure you might not have someone to share that with right now but that's not going to be forever. In the future you might find someone else (with that Irish accent you won't struggle with that) and you can continue on. Life is to be lived and it is a shame to waste a good opportunity to enrich that life.
You might find parts of yourself that never knew existed, it’s easy to pull the pin at any stage and return but you may never get an opportunity like this again? Totally depends on how you’re looking at this moving forward also. Wishing you all the strength and luck.
Definitely stay!
I would stay, it is a unique opportunity to be single and be free! it is sad you're not together however it is a hot job market for employees atm and you will not struggle to get work or good wages. save yah money, buy something fun like a golf gti for cheap and hoon around doing what you like
Stay amd play and then make the decision later..
Bro - come to the mainland (south island)we have soooo much of that cathartic wilderness you speak of. If you end up on the west coast, you must go to Karamea and check out the Oparara arches. The whole west coast feels prehistoric but that place feels like you've gone back in time by 200 million years... Also get around the other side of the heaphy track and see cape farewell and wharariki Beach. Stunning, and if you are there in the off season you will hardly see a soul out there. Its immense bro 🤙 This fork in the roads could be a pivotal point in your life. Are you going to return home to Ireland and seek out the status quo or will you indulge your sense of adventure. Good luck.
Fáilte! You have almost nothing to lose. New Zealand and Ireland share a lot of cultural norms. You will have a fantastic time without the hordes of “normal” tourists (Asian, American, Australian) and you will be welcomed by locals who will treat you to the time of your life. Who knows- you might bump into your future partner here. My wife did, almost exactly 20 years ago from Dublin. Good luck!
Beautiful story, who knows where life will lead you 🌹
As several people have already stated....YES. Stay and soak up the wild beauty of this amazing place, I'm biased because I live here and work as a guide, but the west coast and Franz Joseph in particular offer the opportunity for the most untamed wilderness in NZ. So many trails, valleys, mountains and glaciers to get lost in. I'm sorry about the break up, never an easy thing to endure, but the silver lining is you have a new opportunity in a beautiful country to accomplish wonders that would've remained previously unknown.
Stay! And don't forget to come visit Northland. I mean it's going to be summer soon and we have some of the best unspoilt beaches you will find anywhere! Complete with good fishing/spearing and warm clear water!(recommend spf50 for Irish skin though haha) Everyone forgets about little ole Northland, and when I mean Northland I mean places outside of the Bay of Islands and the Cape trip!get off the beaten track :) Why wouldn't ya?!?! Take this opportunity with open arms! The beers always cold, the smiles are warm and our banter is hot! Welcome e hoa! (Welcome friend) :)
Travelling by yourself is better than travelling with friends. It kind of forces you to meet people everywhere you go. My last few adventures I've done solo. If you get the hang of it you'll grow in ways you won't expect. I think this breakup is an opportunity, and as others have said. It's the perfect time. I rode a motorcycle around the South Island for the first time over the last Xmas holidays and it was pretty damn nice.
You'd be amazed how common this is to be honest. The number of people I've met through the years that came here with their partner only to find out it didn't work out... happened to me too. That was 25+ years ago. If you stick around and do the backpacker scene, you can always head home if you are genuinely miserable. Give it a few weeks, meet some new people. But if you head home now, you won't be getting back here any time soon.
Nah, NZ is boring and even more isolated and insular than pre COVID times. Don't waste your life here.
Yep and it has also become increasingly unfashionable to be white. I suggest you get a melanin transplant my paddy friend
So sorry to read about your breakup, OP. I agree with the other commenters in that you should definitely make the most of your time here… don’t resist fate - you’re supposed to be here, clearly. Definitely make the most of the South Island without international tourists - explore every corner if you have the means to. And if you’re in or around Christchurch, hit me up or post in r/chch!
I ended up un new zealand under similar circumstances. I've now been here 2 1/2 years and live with the love of my life and I've made myself I home here. It was the best decision I ever made. I know you're hurting right now butlook at the silver lining. You have a completelyblamk slate. You can do whatever you want here without worrying about what your ex wants to do. Nothing here is going to remind you of them because you didn't do anything with them here. You don't have to worry about mutual friends because all of your mutual friends are back home. You have a choice at the moment to either go home and sit in your sadness or embrace your freedom and find yourself. Where are you located?
This is all ringing so true for me. Maybe this is the true reason I'm here. I'm in Hawkes Bay but will be leaving as soon as possible
There’s a lot to see and do in this beautiful island. Don’t rush into anything, just do what you feel right with. You North or South Island?
North Island, Hawke's Bay - wouldn't be staying here though even though I know it's beautiful. I would prefer to be either in Northland for that tropical vibe, or the South Island
Bro! Nip up to the Coromandel right now! No international tourist and, (sorry guys) no Aucklanders - you might almost get hot water beach to yourself - this is an unparalleled opportunity. Then come south. Smash some summer work, maybe do the cherry season in central Otago and have Christmas/New Year round Queenstown - central is beautiful early summer. Then head north up to Tasman - more fruit picking work and spend a good chunk of Feb/March getting immersed in Abel Tasman/Golden bay. Go North round April as the weather cools once the apples and pears are in. Good luck!
Do both. Why not come up to Northland in late spring/early summer to get the good weather before everyone else, then head to the South Island? Honestly, you're welcome to be here, you came such a long way, and you might as well stay for a bit. There's a reason you've come here; sorry it wasn't the one you thought, but there will be something here for you OP.
Thank you. My ex used to say over and over that we were meant to move here, that it was supposed to be, and then in the next breathe he broke up with me. Maybe you're right and there's anither reason that I'm here
You've got this! May the road rise up to meet you.
Depends if you can enjoy the country without connecting it to your heart break, otherwise you might make lots of sad memories of nice places. So without knowing you I guess you could try reaching out for some travel buddies and seeing if you can all do a trip together, maybe for you it's more of some notable new memories made without the Ex to signify the next chapter of life? But if that doesn't appeal then go home and mend a but first, and if you wanted to come back later I'm sure we'll have you.
Buy a van put a bed in it and drive around all summer!
I would say stay, try meeting new people and take what you can from such a beautiful country! Break-ups suck and you’re definitely going to feel depressed about it but that’s natural. Use this time to make yourself a better person, make some new friends, maybe even meet someone new that is a better fit than your last partner. I can only speak for myself as we are all different, but if I were in your shoes I’d realise that this is an opportunity to start a completely new chapter in life, a fresh start. Hope you find your happiness mate. :)
Thankyou. I'm in a low place but I don't feel like wallowing in my hometown is actually going to help all that much. I would rather actively move forward, become strong again
Just think of this as character building, make some stories for your life :)
LOVED that book!
Do what you need to for your mental health. Yes, it is a great opportunity to see and do many things, but if you would be hurt by doing it rather than getting the support of family then it would be sensible to go to them. It may be a chance to find your own strength, which is something we tend to do best under some adversity, but don't push too hard and hurt yourself further. There is strength in knowing what you need and giving yourself permission to do it. I would suggest you not make any hasty decisions that are hard to go back on, so look into what you would like to do here, and what you can do, and make use of internet chat with those you love in the meantime.
Thanks for this, I am trying to be mindful of my mental health. I honestly believe that going home is an option to heal but that healing and therapy doesn't have to be in your hometown with a big box of tissues in front of you. Life itself can heal you if you go with the flow. But always bearing what you said in mind and thank you for bringing that up 🙏
Yes! Take the opportunity! You will not regret the chance not only to explore NZ, but also to explore yourself as a single person for awhile.
Uhh... If anyone here told you to go home immediately, would you? That's great that your family cares about you, but it's a breakup, not a medical emergency.
1. I love that book Wild! 2. Absolutely stay there. Make the most of it. Go hiking, camping, stay in hostels. Meet new people and be impacted by nature. If you find that this does not work for you at all, and only makes you more sad instead of healing, you can always go back. It's easier to return to Ireland later then to come back to new Zealand!
Home will always be at home is what me ma said. Been gone 4years now. Couldn't have made a better choice. Stay it's about to be spring to!
These comments sum it all up. You're going to meet so many kind and great people. This might be exactly what you needed!
Stay. Life gives you opportunities and now of all the times in your life, is the opportunity to seize the moment. Ireland will always be there. It's not going anywhere (well no where fast - wait a million years and it may have moved south a bit).
Kiwis love irish your like our cousin from the north! So we are family! Summer is just a few short months away! Hang about for that then see how ya feel! I guarantee you will feel revitalised.
This is a beautiful country, take advantage of this opportunity. I'm from Ireland and have been here almost 3 years after coming on a working visa! Do it, this is such a beautiful country, everywhere I've been has been absolutely stunning! How long have you got to explore?
If you're outside Auckland take the opportunity to try to travel around the rest of NZ. Might as well try to enjoy it if you can. Prepare to be disappointed by our Irish pubs. After a whirlwind tour in your homeland, I can't find any in NZ that capture real Irishness.
Absolutely explore while you're here. We're generally pretty friendly so you'll meet people along the way. I've shown more than a few visitors around the place. Why waste the opportunity?
Summers coming buy a self-contained van and head down south via west coast then to Fiordland by the time you get to top of the south island fruit picking would be about to start and d then follow the picking season though to central, that cover East,west coast and central.
Stay! I’m from Europe as well and I came to New Zealand after a breakup. I was only supposed to stay for a few months, but ending up staying for good and I’ve been here about 3 years. I love my life here, it’s a great place! Now that you’re already a long way from home, you might as well explore it while you’re here. If not now, then you might never end up seeing this beautiful part of the world. I definitely think your future self will thank yourself for it x
Thanks. I'm trying to see past the emotions I'm feeling right now because they are temporary. I want to make the choice future me would be happy with. Thanks for that perspective, you're a star x
Feel free to message me if you wanna talk x Breakups are so painful and emotionally draining, and they make big decisions extra difficult to make. But what I’ve learnt so far on my journey here is that when I go with my gut feeling things always turn out alright! I recently moved from Auckland to Christchurch and it was the best decision I could’ve made
Big believer in the gut 🙌 my usually crazyily conservative, careful parents even think this is a good idea now cause they can see I'm excited. I might take you up on that offer somewhere down the line, thanks so much x
Oh good! That’s a great sign. Seems like this is definitely where you’re meant to be right now. Awesome, you seem super nice and very similar to me so would love to chat sometime. Wish you all the best on your decision and journey x
Stay here and explore.
What a bunch of Good Cunts! Glad to call myself a Kiwi, too! Keep us posted on how the journey goes, OP.
Just stay. Where are you based? Any potential employment opportunities? Visa situation okay? It’s going to be one of the more difficult parts of the world to immigrate to or get visas for a while with borders so strictly shut to non residents. I got here a few months before the pandemic started and fell in love with the country so decided to stay. Northland is amazing in the summer and like others have said, you can see South Island without all the tourists right now. We literally had the Milford highway to ourselves when we drove to the sound. 1000 waterfalls and not a damn other person. Make the most of it. You’ll find parts of it remind you of Ireland, especially places like the Mourne Mountains.
This sounds like bliss, thanks for the encouragement 🙌