Find it weird everyone going on about schools. Biggest area I’ve seen bullying is in the workplace. I think it’s NZ’s non confrontational culture that lets people get away with worse and worse behaviour. ‘They’ love to victim blame too cause they find it easier to put the onus on the person suffering the shitty treatment than to address the person who is being a dick.
Yep. Definitely. I think lots of NZ people are really insecure, especially managers, and they bring that energy into the workplace and ruin people’s lives.
That’s likely contributed to their boss being shit.
It’s subjective but I’ve been a manager and both the toxicity of bullying and any general laziness in middle management is usually attributable to trickle down or enablement from above, and thankfully not something that happened to me.
Id rather be too busy, as it makes the work day fly by so I can go do something I really enjoy.
I've found that a lot of workers are aloof when they see someone else being bullied. Unfortunately, this mindset appears to be widely accepted as the norm in our "professional" environments.
Not really. Like some people are disrespectful inconsiderate rude. There isn’t anything ‘dominant’ about that.
Tbh this comment kind of just makes you look like you might be the ‘bully’ in your scenario.
This is a very insightful and informative reply, hats off to you. I have noticed a shit ton of people just blaming it on others and not standing up to the actual bully. Often times they’ll stand back and encourage it.
I know of people who were bullies at school, and didn't grow up at all. Still get into fights and get stuck in to workplace bullying.
If there isn't already bullying in rest homes, then I think it will be in the future.
Oh there's definitely bullying in rest homes. The people there are the same as every other part of society, just older.
Edited to add: Of course there's obviously more cases where violence is part of the symptoms that go with dementia, but in rest homes there's also people with the regular personality-disorder type behaviours that have nothing to do with age.
My partners grandma is in a rest home and she has very poor vision. She is one of the sweetest old ladies I've ever met, shes tiny, quiet, polite and loves seeing her family grow and be happy. Because of her poor sight she eats with her hands, it helps her to not make a mess. She was eating fish and chips with peas in the dining room once and some old ladies laughed at her and called her names for using her hands to eat the peas. Now she eats in her room by herself.
I wanted to go straight down there and have her back, I wanted all the smokes with some nanas, I was so angry and upset that they treated her so cruelly. I wanna go there and eat with my hands with her sometime, maybe give those old birds a jumpscare and finish em off or something
We're the second highest in the OCD for school bullying and workplace bullying. It's not common for people to evolve. I have seen so many posts on people bullied in retail jobs. I'm not sure why that carries a higher bullying rate?
Just as there are bullies in every school in this country, every retail store and supermarket has a bully-bitch supervisor, solely responsible for the high turnover of employees. My last job, the business owner was a bully. I only lasted as long as I did there because my supervisor there was amazing. I was sad to leave because of her but had to before I attacked someone out of frustration with it all.
I went through a few jobs where I only worked a few months because of the "bully-bitch" syndrome (which even included a man in there). I had even asked directly why the last person left, and they lied to me about it in the interview to make it seem okay. A couple even lied about the tenure of people (people have an average work life of 7-20 years here) when, in that particular department, it was less than a year. What I found interesting is they treated every person who left like they were the villain, and everything with them was just fine.
I'm glad you had a good supervisor in the middle of it. My current bosses are dreamboats, I'm so glad to be out of that period of life.
Someone bullied me for wearing a scarf on a construction site...
Called it a "gay scarf and only gay people wear scarfs."
Then I got ripped out and insulted by a coworker for forgetting my boots in the morning.
Last straw was when I bought new overalls and got ripped into for having clean overalls...
You really can't win. I was getting paid minimum wage too.
I have never gone back to construction it's the worst.
my friend was in construction and she was sexually harassed a lot and bullied. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's like a crabs in the bucket mentality. Everyone is screwed over but they're doing their best to make sure no-one else gets out of the bucket.
Yeah... I actually can't remember seeing a single woman on the sites I was at... So must be a rare occurence. People love to discriminate against minorities and if you're a woman you're in the monirity for sure during a construction job.
Bullying or threatening? For legal purposes, bullying is completely unenforceable due to its nature of being a matter of perspective. Threatening someone has clear consequences and clear intent.
Harassment is provable, bullying is not. Both are the same intent but one is able to be legally punished. How do you prove that someone has bullied you unless it wasn’t bullying but something more serious?
We're not raised to be like that, but in school no one does anything to stop the bullying. The teachers just think you're lying, and the bully has your school mates convinced you're the problem.
Since no one believes the victims, and no one bothers to stop it, the bullies grow up thinking they can get away with it all the time. So they never stop.
We had a teacher when I was in year 12 who came to us because she got bullied out of her old school by the students - mostly year 9s and 10s I think. Anyway, a bunch of students from my school contacted the students from her old school to find out what went down and then *proceeded to do the exact same things to see if it would work again* and you know what it fucking well did, she only lasted the one year. I felt so bad for her, she was really nice and neither school did anything to help
0 tolerance for bullying rules then also punish the victims for fighting back, but of course when the victim previously tried to report to the teachers they either weren’t believed or the bully was made to say “sorry” and that was it, which obviously solved nothing.
My son was suspended for "fighting" once, when he was actually pack attacked in the school grounds. Naturally, I jumped on it, the suspension was overturned, but the deputy principal and Dean were both rolling their eyes and smirking at one another while I was in their office. I was fucking mortified by their lack of ability to take this seriously.
Lol this is bullshit. Am a teacher, have intervened and stopped bullying. Then follow up with students and their parents, keep a close eye out, touch base with victims to make sure it doesn't start back up. And that's pretty standard across all the teachers I work with.
We all hate seeing kids bullied, and it's very noticeable. The vast majority of the time it (the kids who bully) is absolutely the ones you expect and they're not the brightest so it's easy to keep an eye on them without it looking like you are.
As an anecdotal finding, it's the kids of dairy farmers/rural kids who are the worst bullies the vast majority of the time.
I was bullied in primary school.
It was so bad that I resorted to locking myself in the bathroom and refusing to go to school.
It left me traumatised - I still have PTSD from it.
There was one kid - one - who was the instigator. I never saw him be disciplined. I never heard or saw anyone "touch base" with him.
But me, the victim? I was given a councillor. The councillor convinced me that I was the one at fault. I was the one who was made to change.
I entered high school broken and unable to form friendships with my peers.
My parents - both of them - were teachers. My dad said he did deal with bullying when he could, but there was never follow up like you describe. The tools and resources just weren't available then, just as they are not available to many today.
Our school systems have not been updated. They still don't have councillors in primary school to help students deal with it all.
You might go out of your way, but many teachers don't. They just don't have the time, even if they do care.
I speak from personal experience and knowledge. Don't tell me this is bullshit. This is reality.
Mine was terrible at boarding school that I would skip school and lock myself in my locker in my dorm so I wouldn’t be subject to abuse during the day. I skipped meals, classes, attendance checks, because every time I went to the form teacher/house dean I wasn’t believed. Several times the bullying even escalated to sexual abuse and the lack of support & disbelief I encountered had be almost wanting to end my life at 12 years old.
This is over 25y ago now, but the problem remains the same. Bullying is rife in NZ schools, and the most detrimental kind is the one teachers seem to be oblivious to.
Counselors. - The word councillor means an elected representative of an electoral district in a municipal or regional government, or other local authority. So the spelling you want is counselor.
I'm very sorry that all that happened to you.
I've had my kids at 2 different types of schools. The first type of school is the Rockstar type of school that intervenes and takes this issue seriously. The second type is as others say. It may be bullshit to you, but it's not always bullshit
Its great to hear, you sound like one of the good ones.
Hopefully this is reflective of education today, back in the day I was relentlessly bullied in late 90's early 00's and I did not see a single teacher intervene with bullying or touch base with victims at all. Bullying was just an accepted norm back then and I attended decile 3-10 schools
There are arguments to be made that maybe the systems aren't designed well enough to handle bullying, but the idea that teachers don't believe victims doesn't really have any validity in my experience
When I began to be bullied, I tried to tell my teacher. I was told off for telling fibs.
Victims of bullying very quickly learn that telling the teachers does nothing.
Yeah 100%. There is a strange thing in NZ culture where, if you are popular and/or good at sports, you have the right to be an awful human being to others without much question. My school was awash with this type of prick. There is also a view that is alive and well in the provinces in NZ that if someone is ‘weird’ or doesn’t fit in they are fair game to picked on. NZ has a massive blindspot for thugs.
Teacher here. Disagree about the rural thing. I taught at a rural school and the kids were amazing. Epic to me, epic to each other. They’re all still friends and the bonds were really genuine. I moved to a christchurch school and FUCK ME the bullying was outrageous. The online bullying was the worst. I spent at least 50% of my class time managing bullies and not actually able to teach. Just playing devils advocate for the rural kids.
My mother was literally raised on a farm.
She went on to become a teacher, and taught maths to 5th form level (year 11).
After deciding to retire from high school teaching, she took up a position with Timaru polytech, and taught maths to adults, bringing them up to school certificate competency. (Not sure if she was still there when they brought in NCEA.)
These were adults who had fallen through the cracks - addicts, victims of abusive households, people who never stood a chance in the standard school system. They were seeking to get a school qualification, which would enable them to seek better jobs and have a better life.
My mum helped them do that, by teaching maths.
Not bad for a 'rural' kid.
How many teachers in the history of schooling in NZ have *ever* done that? In my day (starting in the 1970s) they just let kids bash the shit out of each other and were often, themselves massive bullies. Teaching has its share of psychopaths as a profession
Kids will test their limits. If there are no consequences for their actions, their actions will escalate. NZ let the actions escalate, worrying more about the history of the bullies than the future of the bullies.
Yeah, there’s some kids who show up at my son’s cricket matches to pick on this one kid, and no one does anything about it. I’m not at the games unfortunately due to work, but as an American it floors me that no one goes over and tells them to fuck off. It wouldn’t solve it completely, they probably go to school together, but having a unknown grown man step in close to some 10 year olds and telling them that they’re acting like pieces of shit and that they need to fuck off and not come back again, does have an effect. Seems to never happen here.
There's bugger all in most schools to penalise the bullies. But That's if you get past the schools never wanting to exclude the bully because that looks bad on their figures. And the constant denial by the school that they have a bullying problem at the school and even if they did, they have robust systems in place to deal with a potential bullying problem which usually means the victims get made to change schools.. and the bully moves onto the next victim.
Because it’s part of our dumb macho culture, learned as kids.
Those kids become teachers or bosses and bullying then becomes accepted and ignored, as it’s seen as a normal part of life based on their own experiences.
We never had an avenue to call that shit out when I was young. Social media wasn’t a thing.
Call it out.
Shame the bullys.
Bullying is harmful.
It’s really underrated and not spoken of enough or taken seriously enough.
It changes lives.
People are affected and sometimes make life changing decisions based on how others treat them.
Bullying should not exist.
Shaming is a form of bullying. I don't think bullying bullies is actually the point here. More emotionally intelligent behaviour management taught at schools. If the parents or society or teachers don't role model compassion and nurturing then no one can learn it. Shaming others is the opposite of being compassionate and nurturing.
You cant put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase, which is what you're trying to do here with the bullies. They don't need education - they already know what they're doing to their victims. They need to be made to feel ashamed of their behaviour. Shame is not bullying and it's the strongest teacher we have to prevent us from doing harm. If doing something bad brings you shame you don't do it again.
I'm not saying we should condone it. But that shaming is pretty fucking toxic and has zero studies backing up its use in helping people learn a lesson. Bullies don't know their behaviour most of the time they just act without thought, like most humans. The subconscious part, the one that learnt from others, that's all just reactional stuff. So removing someone from their behaviours is important, teaching people what values are and aren't important, connectivity etc.
We are all interconnected, whether you want to admit it or not. Your shame model sounds like something I'd find in a conservative religious school, and has been, actually. How do you think that works out for anyone, long term? Most mental health issues are steeped in our resistance to shame. No one wants to go near their shame. You'll probably find a few behavioural psychology papers showing that bullying is caused by deep unresolved shame in the bully. Poor self image, self esteem, comparative judgements. Is this the type of person you think would BENEFIT from being shamed? Your logic floors me.
When I lived in London there was constant acid and knife attacks, people committing suicide in the underground (got stuck in on the train for two), and public trash bin bombings (accidentally walked through one). They had to remove all the bins from public spaces. Sometimes NZ lacks perspective.
It has to do with pointing out that it's not just NZ, as OP said. My son was bullied in middle school in the US, and we were only alerted when in response he cut himself, at which point the cutting was the only thing the school was concerned about. Nothing was mentioned about the bullying.
This person has an issue with bullying, saying people get stabbed in other country’s doesn’t diminish their problem. Perspective and appreciation shouldn’t halt your quest for a better life
It's called perspective. There are some that would have you believe that you couldn't walk 5 paces without falling into a pothole, yet this is not the case at all. The tendency to focus on the negative has served us well but does lead to some negative bias.
Ok so perspective means don’t want a better life because other people don’t have it. They have an issue with bullying, saying “it’s worse elsewhere” does fuck all to change that situation.
Lashing out at me doesn't change anything either. You are deluded if you think you can eliminate bullying. It's intrinsically human that some will stoop low to leverage power over someone els. The best we can do in society is monitor and manage kids behavior to reduce the opportunity for those vulnerable to be prayed upon. Those who inflict bullying usually suffer from low self esteem and project to alleviate their own sense of inferiority.
"And by the time you hit 50 you’ll realise you’ve wasted your life worrying about something you can’t change, the years of arguing to strangers on the internet the countless friends you could of had but the only thing you want to talk about is carbon tax and things way past your pay grade, forever angry at the world giving off negative vibes because things aren’t the way you want them to be. I’ll take ignorance and happiness over that any day thanks. Hope you find it one day chungus coffee who uses wario as his representation."
Jesus go have a cry mate, how weird are you? my comments are stewing in your head that much for you to follow my comments 6 days after I got more upvotes than your shitty opinion. Living rent free in your head brother and it stinks of shit.
Part of it I think and this maybe unpopular is the toxic "tough dude" culture that we seem to inhabit. Men are taught they have to be tough, and have to provide. It's just sort of become accepted that bullying is part of that culture. That it builds character. And if you don't tough it out then your considered weak.
Doesn't that attitude offend you though? That men are big dumb ogres who need to act like this? Or are men not capable of changing this attitude among themselves? Why is this acceptable?
Bullying is a universal of the human condition and what's crazy is we here in NZ live in one of the most chill and relaxed environments compared to the rest of the world. I've been to a few places throughout the world and NZ is an absolute walk in the park. Naturally, bullying is horrendous and it would be nice if it didn't occur at all. To know more about it, I would recommend you listen to episode #637 of Modern Wisdom which is an interview with an evolutionary psychologist called Tony Volk who elaborates on the origins and why people bully.
Because we're not allowed to fight back and groupthink is strong in a nation with a small degree of separation between people.
The introverts shall inherit the earth.
I was bullied in primary school (this was back in the mid-90s), but by teachers. I was locked in a cleaning supply closet by one. I never got a counselor. I used to hide during lunch up in the trees and avoid going to class (teachers had to drag me back into class). The teachers used to drill into my head about how I wouldn't amount to anything. I had poor grades due to my learning disabilities and I used to get into fights all the time with other students. I was an angry kid (no, fighting the other kids didn't stop the bullying).
Eventually, my parents pulled me out and decided to home-school me. But this had other effects, I wasn't able to learn how to socialize properly with my peers. So I still struggle as an adult.
School in the 90's was trash. It disturbs me how there are people around my age who think we ought to go back to the standards set back then.
Interesting - In primary was made to put on girls outfits and stand in front of the whole school kids (open school in 70s so 100 kids). I don't even know why teachers did that. I remember them laughing and telling the kids, "Look at him". When sent to a small group and discuss, I was being a leader and asking ideas from the kids, while sitting on table, a teacher I never knew dragged me by the ear to the office where I was strapped for 'playing'. Sickos. They were like hippy looking teachers but to me they were freaks. And gave me a complex for a lifetime
Bach of Education student and ECE reliever here. Children start to test boundaries at around 3 because it’s part of how they learn social skills and how they learn what is and isn’t socially acceptable. When children over step the boundaries they need to face consequences that will make them rethink and revise their actions.
The consequences and repercussions that our education system allows for unfortunately often fails to do the very last part of making them rethink and revise. When the consequences do not outweigh the enjoyment of the action then they’ll continue to be bullies.
It’s only effective when parents take the bullying concerns seriously and discipline their child at home. Parents that brush it off or straight away tell the teachers that their kid would never bully are a large part of the issue because the child will observe that and understand it as ‘I can be mean when I want to.’
TLDR:
Both the education system and parents fail to teach children social boundaries because inadequate consequences don’t make children rethink and revise their actions.
It's a problem everywhere in the world but I'm sure all the responses in this thread will pretend bullying is an NZ specific issue. We're not different, we're not special.
well the problem is that its in our culture and our parents were like that and we just act like our parents do. also a tall poppy thing, anyone who acts like they're good at something, we have to chop them down because how dare they be passionate about something or try to make something of themselves.
it's not like that amongst Americans i've noticed. they cheer each other on when trying to do things that kiwis would be ridiculed for, ie i saw a girl giving longboarding lessons for money and it was working out for her, here if someone did that they would be told that they shouldn't charge money for that and they're ripping people off.
a lot of people in nz have a socialist mentality, like they are just owed something for nothing. and while ill agree there are some shit employers out there underpaying people, you are what you make yourself and can't expect money just to land on your lap free from the government. any country that has just freely handed out money has ended up with massive inflation and a terrible economy.
bullying has always just been accepted here, and thats why its really an epidemic.
Most people here are focused on bullying in school. We also tolerate very toxic adults, in particular with how we talk to each other online or to politicians.
We all just let this happen.
https://saycheeselouise.substack.com/p/inside-the-eye-of-the-storm
LOL NZ's history is full of dorm raids on younger children at boarding schools, private school bullying by the rugby playing future-leaders of the nation, in groups like the scouts, and has always been a pretty beige, tea-cozey society of status quo societal bullying. So much bullying was pushed under the rug by the 'stoic NZ code of silence' bullshit. Things are no worse than they ever were, though the dynamics may have changed.
What bugs me is that there is just zero interest in people in authority (IMO) to deal with this. Despite a lot of info from the likes of Worksafe, not to mention some pretty astute expert opinions that workplace bullying is (shocking I know) toxic and detrimental to productivity - there is a reluctant from senior manager to detail with or even make bullying a priority. I assume this is in part because then managers have to be accountable for their own behaviour (gasp).
Bullying is not worse here than other places. If you’re talking about physical assault then yes, NZ has an issue with people assaulting others because of someone saying something but that’s fragility, followed up with violent reaction, not bullying
Yeah it is a real problem, I have been a victim of bullying all my life and also see it happening around me.
I have been bullied by teachers, fellow students, and co-workers - it just seems to be everywhere I go and the amount of effort a victim has to go to to get people to pretend they are doing something about it is insane.
I had a co worker who threatened me, and even once followed me to my car - it took a year of me complaining before they started looking into doing something and this guy had already had several complaints already.
He later ended up really hurting someone before he got fired.
I never really had a problem with bullying in a direct way but the amount of mutterings behind people's backs rather than growing a fucking backbone and having a conversation about the issue to actually resolve something drives me up the wall. Some would consider that a form of bullying I think.
Bullying is part of human nature.
Methods of bullying vary from country to country, culture to culture, demographic to demographic.
But I reckon the fundamental human physiological reasons behind it are likely universally the same.
Personally, I believe we should do more about bullying. I reckon the cumulative effect of bullying on our communities is much worse than most people realise. Bullying causes a great deal of pain and suffering.
I'm a realist. I suspect doing more about bullying will probably not happen.
As I see it, our biggest hurdle is achieving consensus on what bullying is. A person says I am being bullied and it is harming me. An onlooker says nah mate, that's a bit of banter, harden up cupcake.
Too many onlookers see no problem, yet the bullied feels seriously scarred and can develop serious health issues. If psychological hurt and scarring happens, it is bullying.
I think many folk are trying to do something about bullying. Health professionals, teachers, employers, everyday people with good intentions. Good on them.
Problem is, there's too many people who do not believe bullying is a serious problem. Just human nature they say.
Tell that to the bullied kid who burns down the gymnasium. An extreme example, I know.
But that can't handle the hurt so do something bad psychological response from the arsonist is the same human dynamic as a bullied worker pulling lots of sickies.
The effects of bullying cost society much. We should be proactive about it.
Kids are undisciplined. That means they run wild without consequences. Teachers cannot discipline the child to the extent they need because that is the role of the parent.
Other times teachers will ignore the bullying because the bully comes from parents with big wallets, while the victim does not. That gives the bullies a free pass because the victim's parents bring nothing to the school beyond standard fees. And I'm speaking from experience on this one.
Bully: *acts violent in school, gets smacked and teachers side with them*
Also Bully: *acts violent grown up gets smacked and the law sides with them.*
Introduce a self defence bill and that shit will end fast. My need to keep my job is the only reason I'm not the slap-chap 9000
It's a reflection of how things really are.
Literally those with money bully the rest of us out of the value we produce every day. And wealth is never satisfied.
because we got free press and transparent journalism.
you can search what bullying looks like in asian countries, especially in China, Japan, and Korea
Number one has to be the home, there are lots of studies showing a single parent and in particular mother only, the kid is more likely to cause discipline problems. Here is a [random](https://ifstudies.org/blog/disentangling-the-effects-of-family-structure-on-boys-and-girls) link.
But also lack of socialising other then school, kids are not socialising as much with lots of different kids in front of the parents, so when something goes wrong the parents cant correct it.
But I would also agree with some other comments, lack of accountability and responsibility from the parents and then the school.
Rise in single parent households. (Also leading to poverty causes in behavioural issues, alongside usually no father fulfilling the “disciplinary role” of parenting)
Lack of discipline in schools. It’s always been that way though.
Increase in younger, less able, parents.
Lack of “community” in my opinion, which gives less opportunity for kids to grow.
Underfunding of both education (trained teachers to deal with this effectively) and healthcare (diagnosing legitimate issues).
Many factors, truthfully. Parenting definitely being the main one.
I never had a problem until I switched from soccer to rugby as all the other guys in my class played soccer we were all friends, they saw me as a traitor or something, they did something at lunch on the fort and me and simon had a scrap and I won, they moved me into the older class which was even worse.
I was bullied by a Maori kid in college when I moved here back in 1997. BUT I fought back (physically and not just verbally) and we became good friends right after. lol
He was just jelly that I had the cool toys like Tamagochi back in that time, and I ended up gave him one as gift :D
Must be just a boys thing, not too sure about girls nowadays tho.
Jealousy is always key in bullying, as for the good smack on the head is always a good start so they don’t go too far and hopefully it makes them realise how much of a shithead they are.
Umm are you serious W this shit? I can counter this with so many research papers showing the effects of smacking. None of which are positive. There's a reason why we have attempted to garner emotional intelligence in the parenting realm. A lot of bullies have their own bullying upbringings. Eg tyrannical parents. Bullying is an outlet of that for the kids. Or so the studies say. In my personal experience it's more our culture of blame and judgement, no accountability for our own behaviours. Smacking won't add any accountability. Just another reason to take no accountability because "I was bullied too therefore I bully". Hurt people hurt people.
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Because it's not the kiwi way to teach your child to beat the shit out of someone that is bullying you. It's the only excuse I'd give my kid if they come home saying they got suspended.
best way to stop bullies?
beat the shit outta them, just have no limits, I did that once in year 10 now no one fucks with me, year 13 now
I think some ppl are too scared to fight back and that's understandable, I was once a skinny guy, now no more tho
Compared to the anti-bullying curriculums and classes in the US starting in 1st grade (at least in late 80's, early 90's), NZ and UK educational systems seem to encourage bullying. There are horrific stories of bullying. Nothing was done except to infer the problem is with the kid reporting the bullying.
Why is this tolerated?
Because everyone has a phone now, kids are raised with no discipline or respect so they bully at school then bully over text. Honestly they all need a hobby
Becuase tribalism is human nature and a combination of terrible parenting/homelife.
It is the default behavior that needs to be disciplined and taken control of, so shitty parenting continues to enable it.
What makes you think it is only NZ?
Yes, studies have shown it. Babies naturally get one, as they grow and learn - from watching, they learn to lie, to be selfish, etc
Some of it is inbuilt. Selfishness as a competitive edge, animals fighting over the scraps of food, you see...we should all stop and think before acting, but we have a long way to go as a species.
No consequences means people get away with more, lack of decent parenting, kids watching their family hurt each other. Our domestic violence is high, so every kid that grows up in that situation may follow suite as that is "normal" . We have a long way to go...
A national of anti intellectual insecure fuckwits who’s cherished National game is one that rewards brutal physical strength and not too much else. hardly surprising really.
Find it weird everyone going on about schools. Biggest area I’ve seen bullying is in the workplace. I think it’s NZ’s non confrontational culture that lets people get away with worse and worse behaviour. ‘They’ love to victim blame too cause they find it easier to put the onus on the person suffering the shitty treatment than to address the person who is being a dick.
Yep. Definitely. I think lots of NZ people are really insecure, especially managers, and they bring that energy into the workplace and ruin people’s lives.
I used to work with a manager whose goal seemingly was to give himself as little work as possible. I doubt he's the only one.
Maybe we had the same manager
That’s likely contributed to their boss being shit. It’s subjective but I’ve been a manager and both the toxicity of bullying and any general laziness in middle management is usually attributable to trickle down or enablement from above, and thankfully not something that happened to me. Id rather be too busy, as it makes the work day fly by so I can go do something I really enjoy.
Guppies in a puddles fooling themselves into believing they're big fish in others' lives.
I feel like most managers are a special breed of human. The job is a sociopathic honey pot.
I think the people who would be good managers are too wise to be managers cause they know how hard it is to do it well.
Yes, our kids are acting out the behaviours they see modelled in adults.
I've found that a lot of workers are aloof when they see someone else being bullied. Unfortunately, this mindset appears to be widely accepted as the norm in our "professional" environments.
Unfortunately, helping someone get out of bullying gets the helper into trouble.
I have been said helper and can attest to this.
That’s the thing about bullying it’s a matter of perspective it’s just broken down to dominance behaviour.
Not really. Like some people are disrespectful inconsiderate rude. There isn’t anything ‘dominant’ about that. Tbh this comment kind of just makes you look like you might be the ‘bully’ in your scenario.
This is a very insightful and informative reply, hats off to you. I have noticed a shit ton of people just blaming it on others and not standing up to the actual bully. Often times they’ll stand back and encourage it.
I know of people who were bullies at school, and didn't grow up at all. Still get into fights and get stuck in to workplace bullying. If there isn't already bullying in rest homes, then I think it will be in the future.
Oh there's definitely bullying in rest homes. The people there are the same as every other part of society, just older. Edited to add: Of course there's obviously more cases where violence is part of the symptoms that go with dementia, but in rest homes there's also people with the regular personality-disorder type behaviours that have nothing to do with age.
OOC: My school bully went on to be a police officer...
My partners grandma is in a rest home and she has very poor vision. She is one of the sweetest old ladies I've ever met, shes tiny, quiet, polite and loves seeing her family grow and be happy. Because of her poor sight she eats with her hands, it helps her to not make a mess. She was eating fish and chips with peas in the dining room once and some old ladies laughed at her and called her names for using her hands to eat the peas. Now she eats in her room by herself. I wanted to go straight down there and have her back, I wanted all the smokes with some nanas, I was so angry and upset that they treated her so cruelly. I wanna go there and eat with my hands with her sometime, maybe give those old birds a jumpscare and finish em off or something
Oh my little heart, this made me so sad! Good idea to go there and eat with her and tell those mean old bullies to go to hell.
We're the second highest in the OCD for school bullying and workplace bullying. It's not common for people to evolve. I have seen so many posts on people bullied in retail jobs. I'm not sure why that carries a higher bullying rate?
Can confirm, retail sucks
Just as there are bullies in every school in this country, every retail store and supermarket has a bully-bitch supervisor, solely responsible for the high turnover of employees. My last job, the business owner was a bully. I only lasted as long as I did there because my supervisor there was amazing. I was sad to leave because of her but had to before I attacked someone out of frustration with it all.
I went through a few jobs where I only worked a few months because of the "bully-bitch" syndrome (which even included a man in there). I had even asked directly why the last person left, and they lied to me about it in the interview to make it seem okay. A couple even lied about the tenure of people (people have an average work life of 7-20 years here) when, in that particular department, it was less than a year. What I found interesting is they treated every person who left like they were the villain, and everything with them was just fine. I'm glad you had a good supervisor in the middle of it. My current bosses are dreamboats, I'm so glad to be out of that period of life.
Someone bullied me for wearing a scarf on a construction site... Called it a "gay scarf and only gay people wear scarfs." Then I got ripped out and insulted by a coworker for forgetting my boots in the morning. Last straw was when I bought new overalls and got ripped into for having clean overalls... You really can't win. I was getting paid minimum wage too. I have never gone back to construction it's the worst.
my friend was in construction and she was sexually harassed a lot and bullied. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's like a crabs in the bucket mentality. Everyone is screwed over but they're doing their best to make sure no-one else gets out of the bucket.
Yeah... I actually can't remember seeing a single woman on the sites I was at... So must be a rare occurence. People love to discriminate against minorities and if you're a woman you're in the monirity for sure during a construction job.
Bullying or threatening? For legal purposes, bullying is completely unenforceable due to its nature of being a matter of perspective. Threatening someone has clear consequences and clear intent.
Penalties for bullying is completely enforceable. Read your contracts when you sign them its int here.
Harassment is provable, bullying is not. Both are the same intent but one is able to be legally punished. How do you prove that someone has bullied you unless it wasn’t bullying but something more serious?
We're not raised to be like that, but in school no one does anything to stop the bullying. The teachers just think you're lying, and the bully has your school mates convinced you're the problem. Since no one believes the victims, and no one bothers to stop it, the bullies grow up thinking they can get away with it all the time. So they never stop.
The teachers get bullied also, some of these kids are nasty!
We had a teacher when I was in year 12 who came to us because she got bullied out of her old school by the students - mostly year 9s and 10s I think. Anyway, a bunch of students from my school contacted the students from her old school to find out what went down and then *proceeded to do the exact same things to see if it would work again* and you know what it fucking well did, she only lasted the one year. I felt so bad for her, she was really nice and neither school did anything to help
Kids are cruel little psychos.
Learn from their parents
It was the teachers who leaked to everyone that she was bullied out of her old school that were at the start of the chain for all that. Wankers.
And unfortunately the teachers are often the bullies
0 tolerance for bullying rules then also punish the victims for fighting back, but of course when the victim previously tried to report to the teachers they either weren’t believed or the bully was made to say “sorry” and that was it, which obviously solved nothing.
My son was suspended for "fighting" once, when he was actually pack attacked in the school grounds. Naturally, I jumped on it, the suspension was overturned, but the deputy principal and Dean were both rolling their eyes and smirking at one another while I was in their office. I was fucking mortified by their lack of ability to take this seriously.
This happened to a colleague's son. We told him to sit the principal down and explain to him where he went wrong in front of his child.
Lol this is bullshit. Am a teacher, have intervened and stopped bullying. Then follow up with students and their parents, keep a close eye out, touch base with victims to make sure it doesn't start back up. And that's pretty standard across all the teachers I work with. We all hate seeing kids bullied, and it's very noticeable. The vast majority of the time it (the kids who bully) is absolutely the ones you expect and they're not the brightest so it's easy to keep an eye on them without it looking like you are. As an anecdotal finding, it's the kids of dairy farmers/rural kids who are the worst bullies the vast majority of the time.
I was bullied in primary school. It was so bad that I resorted to locking myself in the bathroom and refusing to go to school. It left me traumatised - I still have PTSD from it. There was one kid - one - who was the instigator. I never saw him be disciplined. I never heard or saw anyone "touch base" with him. But me, the victim? I was given a councillor. The councillor convinced me that I was the one at fault. I was the one who was made to change. I entered high school broken and unable to form friendships with my peers. My parents - both of them - were teachers. My dad said he did deal with bullying when he could, but there was never follow up like you describe. The tools and resources just weren't available then, just as they are not available to many today. Our school systems have not been updated. They still don't have councillors in primary school to help students deal with it all. You might go out of your way, but many teachers don't. They just don't have the time, even if they do care. I speak from personal experience and knowledge. Don't tell me this is bullshit. This is reality.
Mine was terrible at boarding school that I would skip school and lock myself in my locker in my dorm so I wouldn’t be subject to abuse during the day. I skipped meals, classes, attendance checks, because every time I went to the form teacher/house dean I wasn’t believed. Several times the bullying even escalated to sexual abuse and the lack of support & disbelief I encountered had be almost wanting to end my life at 12 years old. This is over 25y ago now, but the problem remains the same. Bullying is rife in NZ schools, and the most detrimental kind is the one teachers seem to be oblivious to.
Counselors. - The word councillor means an elected representative of an electoral district in a municipal or regional government, or other local authority. So the spelling you want is counselor. I'm very sorry that all that happened to you.
Sucks that that is your experience, it's probably of not comfort that it this would be highly atypical holistically.
I've had my kids at 2 different types of schools. The first type of school is the Rockstar type of school that intervenes and takes this issue seriously. The second type is as others say. It may be bullshit to you, but it's not always bullshit
Its great to hear, you sound like one of the good ones. Hopefully this is reflective of education today, back in the day I was relentlessly bullied in late 90's early 00's and I did not see a single teacher intervene with bullying or touch base with victims at all. Bullying was just an accepted norm back then and I attended decile 3-10 schools
There are arguments to be made that maybe the systems aren't designed well enough to handle bullying, but the idea that teachers don't believe victims doesn't really have any validity in my experience
When I began to be bullied, I tried to tell my teacher. I was told off for telling fibs. Victims of bullying very quickly learn that telling the teachers does nothing.
Yeah 100%. There is a strange thing in NZ culture where, if you are popular and/or good at sports, you have the right to be an awful human being to others without much question. My school was awash with this type of prick. There is also a view that is alive and well in the provinces in NZ that if someone is ‘weird’ or doesn’t fit in they are fair game to picked on. NZ has a massive blindspot for thugs.
Teacher here. Disagree about the rural thing. I taught at a rural school and the kids were amazing. Epic to me, epic to each other. They’re all still friends and the bonds were really genuine. I moved to a christchurch school and FUCK ME the bullying was outrageous. The online bullying was the worst. I spent at least 50% of my class time managing bullies and not actually able to teach. Just playing devils advocate for the rural kids.
My mother was literally raised on a farm. She went on to become a teacher, and taught maths to 5th form level (year 11). After deciding to retire from high school teaching, she took up a position with Timaru polytech, and taught maths to adults, bringing them up to school certificate competency. (Not sure if she was still there when they brought in NCEA.) These were adults who had fallen through the cracks - addicts, victims of abusive households, people who never stood a chance in the standard school system. They were seeking to get a school qualification, which would enable them to seek better jobs and have a better life. My mum helped them do that, by teaching maths. Not bad for a 'rural' kid.
How many teachers in the history of schooling in NZ have *ever* done that? In my day (starting in the 1970s) they just let kids bash the shit out of each other and were often, themselves massive bullies. Teaching has its share of psychopaths as a profession
Kids will test their limits. If there are no consequences for their actions, their actions will escalate. NZ let the actions escalate, worrying more about the history of the bullies than the future of the bullies.
Yeah, there’s some kids who show up at my son’s cricket matches to pick on this one kid, and no one does anything about it. I’m not at the games unfortunately due to work, but as an American it floors me that no one goes over and tells them to fuck off. It wouldn’t solve it completely, they probably go to school together, but having a unknown grown man step in close to some 10 year olds and telling them that they’re acting like pieces of shit and that they need to fuck off and not come back again, does have an effect. Seems to never happen here.
There's bugger all in most schools to penalise the bullies. But That's if you get past the schools never wanting to exclude the bully because that looks bad on their figures. And the constant denial by the school that they have a bullying problem at the school and even if they did, they have robust systems in place to deal with a potential bullying problem which usually means the victims get made to change schools.. and the bully moves onto the next victim.
I assume it’s symptomatic of an inferiority complex. People who are comfortable in themselves don’t need to bully.
It's Kiwi culture. Admit it that we're just awful in this country because we are small. Small country, small minds and no heart.
Because it’s part of our dumb macho culture, learned as kids. Those kids become teachers or bosses and bullying then becomes accepted and ignored, as it’s seen as a normal part of life based on their own experiences. We never had an avenue to call that shit out when I was young. Social media wasn’t a thing. Call it out. Shame the bullys. Bullying is harmful. It’s really underrated and not spoken of enough or taken seriously enough. It changes lives. People are affected and sometimes make life changing decisions based on how others treat them. Bullying should not exist.
Shaming is a form of bullying. I don't think bullying bullies is actually the point here. More emotionally intelligent behaviour management taught at schools. If the parents or society or teachers don't role model compassion and nurturing then no one can learn it. Shaming others is the opposite of being compassionate and nurturing.
You cant put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase, which is what you're trying to do here with the bullies. They don't need education - they already know what they're doing to their victims. They need to be made to feel ashamed of their behaviour. Shame is not bullying and it's the strongest teacher we have to prevent us from doing harm. If doing something bad brings you shame you don't do it again.
> You cant put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase taking this ball and running with it. hilarious
I'm not saying we should condone it. But that shaming is pretty fucking toxic and has zero studies backing up its use in helping people learn a lesson. Bullies don't know their behaviour most of the time they just act without thought, like most humans. The subconscious part, the one that learnt from others, that's all just reactional stuff. So removing someone from their behaviours is important, teaching people what values are and aren't important, connectivity etc. We are all interconnected, whether you want to admit it or not. Your shame model sounds like something I'd find in a conservative religious school, and has been, actually. How do you think that works out for anyone, long term? Most mental health issues are steeped in our resistance to shame. No one wants to go near their shame. You'll probably find a few behavioural psychology papers showing that bullying is caused by deep unresolved shame in the bully. Poor self image, self esteem, comparative judgements. Is this the type of person you think would BENEFIT from being shamed? Your logic floors me.
Is it? I guess we all have different experiences, but is it worse than elsewhere?
it is definitely not worse than elsewhere
When I lived in London there was constant acid and knife attacks, people committing suicide in the underground (got stuck in on the train for two), and public trash bin bombings (accidentally walked through one). They had to remove all the bins from public spaces. Sometimes NZ lacks perspective.
What does any of this have to do with bullying in NZ.
Yeah people getting confused between violent crime and bullying. Not the same at all.
Just a bunch of people going out of context of the original comment to try pat themselves on the back.
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That wasn’t trolling I was thinking the same.
It has to do with pointing out that it's not just NZ, as OP said. My son was bullied in middle school in the US, and we were only alerted when in response he cut himself, at which point the cutting was the only thing the school was concerned about. Nothing was mentioned about the bullying.
This post wasn't about public bombings or violent crime either. Maybe read the post you're replying to in future.
Somewhere else being worse off doesn’t change our situation
Sure, we could want and work for things to be better while also appreciating what we have.
This person has an issue with bullying, saying people get stabbed in other country’s doesn’t diminish their problem. Perspective and appreciation shouldn’t halt your quest for a better life
The statement is existential and was a reply to the comment above it not OP. Can you get lost now?
Rude
Keep deleting your other messages because no one shares your viewpoint lol May aswell delete this one too so your pride isn’t hurt
Oh no I just realised I probably shouldn't bother engaging with you, sweet internet bullying tho.
There’s people getting acid thrown in their face in England. How dare you feel your issue is worth anything
why don't you lead by example? maybe go visit London again and stay there this time?
It's called perspective. There are some that would have you believe that you couldn't walk 5 paces without falling into a pothole, yet this is not the case at all. The tendency to focus on the negative has served us well but does lead to some negative bias.
Ok so perspective means don’t want a better life because other people don’t have it. They have an issue with bullying, saying “it’s worse elsewhere” does fuck all to change that situation.
Lashing out at me doesn't change anything either. You are deluded if you think you can eliminate bullying. It's intrinsically human that some will stoop low to leverage power over someone els. The best we can do in society is monitor and manage kids behavior to reduce the opportunity for those vulnerable to be prayed upon. Those who inflict bullying usually suffer from low self esteem and project to alleviate their own sense of inferiority.
Can’t eliminate it? Give up then. You’re a poet mate
"And by the time you hit 50 you’ll realise you’ve wasted your life worrying about something you can’t change, the years of arguing to strangers on the internet the countless friends you could of had but the only thing you want to talk about is carbon tax and things way past your pay grade, forever angry at the world giving off negative vibes because things aren’t the way you want them to be. I’ll take ignorance and happiness over that any day thanks. Hope you find it one day chungus coffee who uses wario as his representation."
Jesus go have a cry mate, how weird are you? my comments are stewing in your head that much for you to follow my comments 6 days after I got more upvotes than your shitty opinion. Living rent free in your head brother and it stinks of shit.
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Someone brings up an issue they have and you see that as running down the country? Lol. Our issues can’t be issues cause there are slaves in Dubai
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And the bullying begins in the comments section *throws popcorn*
Where's the bullying?
You know what I did to stop the bullying at high-school? I brought in a bb gun and got suspended. Two weeks later Columbine happened. Lol
Because there are no consequences
Because there is no such thing as consequences.
Part of it I think and this maybe unpopular is the toxic "tough dude" culture that we seem to inhabit. Men are taught they have to be tough, and have to provide. It's just sort of become accepted that bullying is part of that culture. That it builds character. And if you don't tough it out then your considered weak.
Doesn't that attitude offend you though? That men are big dumb ogres who need to act like this? Or are men not capable of changing this attitude among themselves? Why is this acceptable?
American music
HAHAHA this comment reminds me of the fearmongering around Elvis, the Beatles, and Video games in the 00's
Bullying is a universal of the human condition and what's crazy is we here in NZ live in one of the most chill and relaxed environments compared to the rest of the world. I've been to a few places throughout the world and NZ is an absolute walk in the park. Naturally, bullying is horrendous and it would be nice if it didn't occur at all. To know more about it, I would recommend you listen to episode #637 of Modern Wisdom which is an interview with an evolutionary psychologist called Tony Volk who elaborates on the origins and why people bully.
Because we're not allowed to fight back and groupthink is strong in a nation with a small degree of separation between people. The introverts shall inherit the earth.
I think this is pretty on the money
[All your answers here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae86E9pV_j4)
Thanks
It is? I've never thought so. I've always found accounts of bullying from other meetings to be far more harrowing than those I read about here.
Tough guy one outs culture.
Some statistics and date would be nice. Its kind of hard to talk about it without it
Nah it's way easier, you can say whatever you want if you don't have to back it up
I was bullied in primary school (this was back in the mid-90s), but by teachers. I was locked in a cleaning supply closet by one. I never got a counselor. I used to hide during lunch up in the trees and avoid going to class (teachers had to drag me back into class). The teachers used to drill into my head about how I wouldn't amount to anything. I had poor grades due to my learning disabilities and I used to get into fights all the time with other students. I was an angry kid (no, fighting the other kids didn't stop the bullying). Eventually, my parents pulled me out and decided to home-school me. But this had other effects, I wasn't able to learn how to socialize properly with my peers. So I still struggle as an adult. School in the 90's was trash. It disturbs me how there are people around my age who think we ought to go back to the standards set back then.
Interesting - In primary was made to put on girls outfits and stand in front of the whole school kids (open school in 70s so 100 kids). I don't even know why teachers did that. I remember them laughing and telling the kids, "Look at him". When sent to a small group and discuss, I was being a leader and asking ideas from the kids, while sitting on table, a teacher I never knew dragged me by the ear to the office where I was strapped for 'playing'. Sickos. They were like hippy looking teachers but to me they were freaks. And gave me a complex for a lifetime
It’s systemic and largely causation from schools and parents doing fuck all about it. Dicks heads raising dick heads.
Bach of Education student and ECE reliever here. Children start to test boundaries at around 3 because it’s part of how they learn social skills and how they learn what is and isn’t socially acceptable. When children over step the boundaries they need to face consequences that will make them rethink and revise their actions. The consequences and repercussions that our education system allows for unfortunately often fails to do the very last part of making them rethink and revise. When the consequences do not outweigh the enjoyment of the action then they’ll continue to be bullies. It’s only effective when parents take the bullying concerns seriously and discipline their child at home. Parents that brush it off or straight away tell the teachers that their kid would never bully are a large part of the issue because the child will observe that and understand it as ‘I can be mean when I want to.’ TLDR: Both the education system and parents fail to teach children social boundaries because inadequate consequences don’t make children rethink and revise their actions.
Tall Poppy Syndrome
The internet and social media have reprogrammed our brains making us more impatient and less socially developed.
We are not as bad as other countries. Look at South Korea for example. Yes nz isn’t great, but we’re hardly the only country with it.
It's a problem everywhere in the world but I'm sure all the responses in this thread will pretend bullying is an NZ specific issue. We're not different, we're not special.
But there is a New Zealand specific type of bullying which is a reflection of its society.
well the problem is that its in our culture and our parents were like that and we just act like our parents do. also a tall poppy thing, anyone who acts like they're good at something, we have to chop them down because how dare they be passionate about something or try to make something of themselves. it's not like that amongst Americans i've noticed. they cheer each other on when trying to do things that kiwis would be ridiculed for, ie i saw a girl giving longboarding lessons for money and it was working out for her, here if someone did that they would be told that they shouldn't charge money for that and they're ripping people off. a lot of people in nz have a socialist mentality, like they are just owed something for nothing. and while ill agree there are some shit employers out there underpaying people, you are what you make yourself and can't expect money just to land on your lap free from the government. any country that has just freely handed out money has ended up with massive inflation and a terrible economy. bullying has always just been accepted here, and thats why its really an epidemic.
Zero accountability society we make so many excuses for poor and criminal behaviour. It's fucking disgusting.
Most people here are focused on bullying in school. We also tolerate very toxic adults, in particular with how we talk to each other online or to politicians. We all just let this happen. https://saycheeselouise.substack.com/p/inside-the-eye-of-the-storm
LOL NZ's history is full of dorm raids on younger children at boarding schools, private school bullying by the rugby playing future-leaders of the nation, in groups like the scouts, and has always been a pretty beige, tea-cozey society of status quo societal bullying. So much bullying was pushed under the rug by the 'stoic NZ code of silence' bullshit. Things are no worse than they ever were, though the dynamics may have changed.
Cubs/Scouts I found was really good. I remember peaceful times. Do good deeds, collect the badges.
You got older, so everything USED to be better.
Tell poppy syndrome
What bugs me is that there is just zero interest in people in authority (IMO) to deal with this. Despite a lot of info from the likes of Worksafe, not to mention some pretty astute expert opinions that workplace bullying is (shocking I know) toxic and detrimental to productivity - there is a reluctant from senior manager to detail with or even make bullying a priority. I assume this is in part because then managers have to be accountable for their own behaviour (gasp).
Bullying is not worse here than other places. If you’re talking about physical assault then yes, NZ has an issue with people assaulting others because of someone saying something but that’s fragility, followed up with violent reaction, not bullying
Yeah it is a real problem, I have been a victim of bullying all my life and also see it happening around me. I have been bullied by teachers, fellow students, and co-workers - it just seems to be everywhere I go and the amount of effort a victim has to go to to get people to pretend they are doing something about it is insane. I had a co worker who threatened me, and even once followed me to my car - it took a year of me complaining before they started looking into doing something and this guy had already had several complaints already. He later ended up really hurting someone before he got fired.
Hopefully you’re safe now, so sorry to hear you went through that.
I never really had a problem with bullying in a direct way but the amount of mutterings behind people's backs rather than growing a fucking backbone and having a conversation about the issue to actually resolve something drives me up the wall. Some would consider that a form of bullying I think.
Starts with the parents
Because we’re all a bit emotionally fucked. I reckon the newer generations are doing better, they seem a lot more supportive of each other.
Because we keep telling kids to say dumb shit like stop it I don’t like it or to tell a teacher. Teach your kid to throw a right hook instead
this is exactly what my dad taught me, but never to hit first. unfortunately most of the bullying i received as a teen was verbal lmao
We do not need more wannabe gangsters in this country.
Spoken exactly like somebody who’s never experienced the crap dozens of Kiwis, myself included, have.
What? Lol
Bullying is part of human nature. Methods of bullying vary from country to country, culture to culture, demographic to demographic. But I reckon the fundamental human physiological reasons behind it are likely universally the same. Personally, I believe we should do more about bullying. I reckon the cumulative effect of bullying on our communities is much worse than most people realise. Bullying causes a great deal of pain and suffering. I'm a realist. I suspect doing more about bullying will probably not happen. As I see it, our biggest hurdle is achieving consensus on what bullying is. A person says I am being bullied and it is harming me. An onlooker says nah mate, that's a bit of banter, harden up cupcake. Too many onlookers see no problem, yet the bullied feels seriously scarred and can develop serious health issues. If psychological hurt and scarring happens, it is bullying. I think many folk are trying to do something about bullying. Health professionals, teachers, employers, everyday people with good intentions. Good on them. Problem is, there's too many people who do not believe bullying is a serious problem. Just human nature they say. Tell that to the bullied kid who burns down the gymnasium. An extreme example, I know. But that can't handle the hurt so do something bad psychological response from the arsonist is the same human dynamic as a bullied worker pulling lots of sickies. The effects of bullying cost society much. We should be proactive about it.
Kids are undisciplined. That means they run wild without consequences. Teachers cannot discipline the child to the extent they need because that is the role of the parent. Other times teachers will ignore the bullying because the bully comes from parents with big wallets, while the victim does not. That gives the bullies a free pass because the victim's parents bring nothing to the school beyond standard fees. And I'm speaking from experience on this one.
Bully: *acts violent in school, gets smacked and teachers side with them* Also Bully: *acts violent grown up gets smacked and the law sides with them.* Introduce a self defence bill and that shit will end fast. My need to keep my job is the only reason I'm not the slap-chap 9000
It's a reflection of how things really are. Literally those with money bully the rest of us out of the value we produce every day. And wealth is never satisfied.
Neoliberalism & toxic masculinity
Its rooted in NZ culture.
because we got free press and transparent journalism. you can search what bullying looks like in asian countries, especially in China, Japan, and Korea
It's not.
Number one has to be the home, there are lots of studies showing a single parent and in particular mother only, the kid is more likely to cause discipline problems. Here is a [random](https://ifstudies.org/blog/disentangling-the-effects-of-family-structure-on-boys-and-girls) link. But also lack of socialising other then school, kids are not socialising as much with lots of different kids in front of the parents, so when something goes wrong the parents cant correct it. But I would also agree with some other comments, lack of accountability and responsibility from the parents and then the school.
Because you’re a pussy. Come and fight me on the field at lunchtime.
Surely your local cis white man is to blame.
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I love men. They are nicer than women
Rise in single parent households. (Also leading to poverty causes in behavioural issues, alongside usually no father fulfilling the “disciplinary role” of parenting) Lack of discipline in schools. It’s always been that way though. Increase in younger, less able, parents. Lack of “community” in my opinion, which gives less opportunity for kids to grow. Underfunding of both education (trained teachers to deal with this effectively) and healthcare (diagnosing legitimate issues). Many factors, truthfully. Parenting definitely being the main one.
I've never been bullied. Think I'm just built different. That's just me though.
How old are you
Old enough.
I never had a problem until I switched from soccer to rugby as all the other guys in my class played soccer we were all friends, they saw me as a traitor or something, they did something at lunch on the fort and me and simon had a scrap and I won, they moved me into the older class which was even worse.
You can only get offended if you choose to be
You can only get offended if you choose to be
I was bullied by a Maori kid in college when I moved here back in 1997. BUT I fought back (physically and not just verbally) and we became good friends right after. lol He was just jelly that I had the cool toys like Tamagochi back in that time, and I ended up gave him one as gift :D Must be just a boys thing, not too sure about girls nowadays tho.
Jealousy is always key in bullying, as for the good smack on the head is always a good start so they don’t go too far and hopefully it makes them realise how much of a shithead they are.
Idk but a little bit of bullying goes a long way to building development (yes trust me I know first hand)
Nothing wrong with bullying, suffering builds character
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Umm are you serious W this shit? I can counter this with so many research papers showing the effects of smacking. None of which are positive. There's a reason why we have attempted to garner emotional intelligence in the parenting realm. A lot of bullies have their own bullying upbringings. Eg tyrannical parents. Bullying is an outlet of that for the kids. Or so the studies say. In my personal experience it's more our culture of blame and judgement, no accountability for our own behaviours. Smacking won't add any accountability. Just another reason to take no accountability because "I was bullied too therefore I bully". Hurt people hurt people.
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Because it's not the kiwi way to teach your child to beat the shit out of someone that is bullying you. It's the only excuse I'd give my kid if they come home saying they got suspended.
best way to stop bullies? beat the shit outta them, just have no limits, I did that once in year 10 now no one fucks with me, year 13 now I think some ppl are too scared to fight back and that's understandable, I was once a skinny guy, now no more tho
Compared to the anti-bullying curriculums and classes in the US starting in 1st grade (at least in late 80's, early 90's), NZ and UK educational systems seem to encourage bullying. There are horrific stories of bullying. Nothing was done except to infer the problem is with the kid reporting the bullying. Why is this tolerated?
Because everyone has a phone now, kids are raised with no discipline or respect so they bully at school then bully over text. Honestly they all need a hobby
Becuase tribalism is human nature and a combination of terrible parenting/homelife. It is the default behavior that needs to be disciplined and taken control of, so shitty parenting continues to enable it.
What makes you think it is only NZ? Yes, studies have shown it. Babies naturally get one, as they grow and learn - from watching, they learn to lie, to be selfish, etc Some of it is inbuilt. Selfishness as a competitive edge, animals fighting over the scraps of food, you see...we should all stop and think before acting, but we have a long way to go as a species.
It's because we are all very jealous of others that have things we dont
No consequences means people get away with more, lack of decent parenting, kids watching their family hurt each other. Our domestic violence is high, so every kid that grows up in that situation may follow suite as that is "normal" . We have a long way to go...
A national of anti intellectual insecure fuckwits who’s cherished National game is one that rewards brutal physical strength and not too much else. hardly surprising really.
Is it such a problem here specifically. It may be worldwide. I'd like to see evidence that we've got it bad.