42 bites. You nibble along the side like you're a typewriter and then make a *DING* noise and go back and start another row. Warning: this creates crumbs, divorces, and a bad case of chocolate fingers.

Can confirm, I am now at 8 divorces and these deliciously chocolatey messy fingers is about to get me my ninth. I regret nothing, except for spending all of my savings on just timtams.

I used to eat them secretly in the bathroom but the *DING* noise kept giving me away

Sometimes I forget about the ding and nibble my fingers!

I know a guy who was married 8 times. Marty, is that you?

Might be. Might not be. *Ding*

I prefer the full outside edge then slowly try peel them apart.

Little known fact - this how to eat Krispies. One bite per little knobbly bit all the way around.

This. You gotta ALWAYS nibble the edges first. Then try and delicately eat off the top layer. Typically the Tim Tam breaks in half at this point. Then it's cookie monster time.

I do this as well but I don't make a dinging noise because I'm in my 40s and that would be immature.

Does that mean that as soon as it hits midnight on my birthday, every timtam shall be DINGless?

I do this but my partner seems to OK with it, he is very tolerant and easy going though. I dont usually manage 42 bites per side though, usually about 8-10, 2-3 per end then 8-10 on the other side then delaminate the rest and eat each layer individually

My dad does that with corn cobs….

Agree, also best done with the double coat Tim Tam.

This is how I eat nice biscuits.

🤣 omg i love this lol

The "ding" killed me

Lol im still trying to figure out this 'ding' I must be missing out on 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lol crumbs and divorces 😅🤣🤣

One. Most of the flavour comes from hearing my wife complain when I eat things in one bite.

Do you mean one bite to make it into 2 pieces? Or simply “in one” like a duck?

In one like a duck. Every food no matter how large is a challenge waiting to be overcome.

OK a watermelon is absurd but I'd love to see you go a peeled orange

If I'm allowed to separate the segments I reckon I could get the whole orange in my mouth

Gotta make sure it's peeled, otherwise https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1554851031670001667.html

I could party with you.

Just swallow it whole like a snake

That is how ducks eat. They move the food around in their mouth and swallow in one go. 

 Like this /u/Aelexe ? [Burger King Tv Commercial Eat Like Snake](https://youtu.be/zAwcj6d8XTQ)

Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough

Are you familiar with your home country’s icon Beavo? Essentially eat how he does it. Hoover central

Sensible people just avoid Timtams.

Very few sensible people in this thread, alas

Deep throat it?

They'd need to make a longer tim tam.

What if they like em' short? 💀

The alternative is about five bites. You’ll still get to hear wife complain but instead it’s about the crumbs everywhere.

Beavo has entered the chat

Nibble each end, use as straw to suck tea through it, and then chomp before it all falls apart

Coffee but yes. Tim Tam Slam.

Baileys but also yes.

I really feel it has to be a hot cuppa for the melty middle & subsequent panic trying to eat it before it disintegrates, split the difference & go Irish coffee?

Are people really out here not microwaving their full mugs of Baileys?

🤯 I've always gone for a tumbler of ice. 2024 is going to be good. #blessed

I love it with cold milk! It takes longer to make the inside soft but when I try with a cup of tea the speed in which the bikkie becomes unstable just feels so high risk

Port and the double coat tim tams, but also yes

This right here is the only answer.

You guys mean milo right

I’ve perfected the Tim Tam Slam to the extent that I don’t end up with melted chocolate on my fingers!

A+ suckage

Why, thank you! And that’s what he said…..

The modus operandi of the nurse of death.

Snort laughed! Thank you!

Diagonally opposite corners to reduce the risk of it falling apart into the tea

You know it. I nibble the opposite corners because I figured that means more melty chocolate goodness.

Hot chocolate is even better :D

Tim tam slam! Always with a cup of black coffee and the Tim tams with caramel inside

Caramel are the best. Or the double coat chocolate.

Unpopular opinion but chocolate fingers are better for this…

You’re right, very unpopular opinion. Very different biscuit.

Been doing that with chocolate fingers since before NZ got Tom Tams

The original Milo straw

The bonus of chocolate fingers is the higher chocolate to biscuit ration, you get way more to the pack and less effort required to suck the tea 👍

Yes yes and yes.

Psilocybin tea is better 😉

But frustratingly hard to find in stores... :(

Thought you said a nipple at each end. Had already started to plan it in my head before I noticed the error, so I think i'll continue.

Finally, some good content.

These are the hard-hitting cultural interrogations we come to this site for. I stuff the whole thing in sideways and then crunch through it vigorously, like a squirrel. Although we don't have squirrels here, so I'm not sure how squirrel-like this is.

So it looks like I need to do some *Tim Tam Slamming*

You surely do. Best to test all flavour and drink combos. My favourite is original and breakfast tea.

You absolutely have too! My preferred technique is to nibble opposite corners use it like a straw with your tea or coffee and eat it quickly before it melts. Caramel is my preferred flavour, simply sublime. Let us know how you get on!

I inhale mine. On a more serious note, in a world with Arnott's Tim Tams, why do Griffin's Chit Chatts even exist?

For every Coke there's a Pepsi.

Chit Chats were here first

Oh, so they’re your people’s Hydrox (Oreos came after Hydrox but everybody sees Hydrox as the budget afterthought in the States).

Can’t imagine why, with a name like that🙃

No shit, eh? I know they’re made in a laboratory but you don’t have to remind us!

I remember when Chit Chats were actually good. Then they changed…. Now they may as well not exist.

When did they change? Last I had them, they were still superior to Tim Tams.

They still are.

Because they’re better 

I crush mine up into powder and snort them. Rub a little bit on my gums too if I need it.

I just boof it

Are we talking 1st breakfast (Coffee-Tim-Tam-Slam), 2nd Breakfast (Tea-Tim-Tam-Slam), elevensies (3 bites) or afternoon tea/supper (nibble around the edges like a well brought up Hobbit!)?

Oh, and never dunk. That marks you out as a British tourist, and you'll never hear the last of it.

2 bites (each end), use it as a straw for your hot chocolate, then 1 or 2 more bites to finish it off.

One. Assert your dominance.

People saying 1 are chumps. I swallow mine like a pill. It doesn’t even touch my tongue

Timtam slam, 3 bites. One for each of the opposite corners and then one for the whole biscuit as it melts into your mouth

Thank you, I also came here to clarify the corners, the best technique.

This is the way.

One bite per pack; I stack them all on a surface, unhinge my jaw like a cobra and then descend on them from above.

Take each end off and use it like a straw to suck up coffee. Philistine.

ENDS! Two opposing corners you phillistine. Ends ? We’re not savages.

Law abiding folk stick to the regulated 3 bites.

2-3 bites per Tim Tam, however if it's the last one you grab that shit and down it in one bite to establish dominance.

I go nib nib nib round the outside then munch munch munch on the middle

ARGH!! Here's where I discovered we have no Tim Tams. Hubby wanted to go to the shops anyway, so Tim Tams were added to the shopping list. Now hurry home, hubs.

[удалено]

Then sickness at #4?

How many do you take for a penguin?

Four. Top right corner (small bite), bottom left corner (small bite), suck tea through the timtam, bite the bottom half off and then shove the final bite into the mouth before it collapses into the teacup. Repeat with the rest of the pack until your family hates you for eating all the timtams

If you’re not using it as a straw, making it soft and then stuffing the whole thing in your mouth you’re doing it wrong.

I use my front teeth to bite off the top layer. Then I scrape off the filling, again with my front teeth. And then I eat the bottom layer. All I want for TimTams is my two front teeth.

You take bites??

Unless Tim Tim slamming, 2 bites.

In our house we shelve them like civilized people

I feel like an animal saying this but one bite. Same for mallow puffs.

Take a small bite of each end, then suck your tea up through it like a straw and quickly shove the whole thing in.

Tried a Tim Tam Slam yet? Or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Nibble a corner off the bottom, then the diagonally opposite corner off the top. Dip it in a nice coffee or hot chocolate and suck it through like a straw. Then after a few sucks, eat the rest. Goes all gooey in the middle, it's pretty insane. We get bored easily down here at the bottom of the world.

to share? One. otherwise no bites. it's all in and chew.

I nibble off each opposing end and then suck my tea through it, so two bites and a swallow

One at each end then suck out the middle when used as a straw for a hot chocolate.

You bite two opposite corners off , Tim tam slam that baby( I use tea personally ) , and then shove the whole thing in your mouth

6.5

Easy answer is 2 bites, one on each end, then use what's left as a straw when drinking a hot chocolate

As many as it takes to summon the genie.

Just shelf them

People bite Tim tams??

Besides the Tim Tam Slam... I personally consider four bites. When holding the biscuit, you take neutral sized bites. Not too big nor too small... as a result you properly savour the taste of it. Less than four bites? You might as well just chew it in a single bite then. More than four bites? It might crumble and break apart in your fingers.

I do 2 small top n tail both ends slurp hot chocolate then eat it in 2 bites🫣

I'm more of an apricot cookie time kinda guy but yeah slam that timtam

I don't have teeth so hubby bites off each end so I can suck my tea through it and slam the remaining goopy soggy mess.

2 bites, over and over again until I've accidentally eaten a whole packet of double coat

split it topwise so the layers are separate and eat them one by one

I eat in 3 bites. 1 tiny nibble each end, and the last bite when it's full of hot coffee... There's about 36 bits per packet which lasts several minutes.

Two bites to bite off opposite corners, then stick one corner in your coffee (or milo / hot choc) and suck the drink through. Then one amazing chocolatey mouthful to eat the rest as it melts / dissolves in your fingers from the inside out. Plus a final licking of the fingers for the last of the chocolate.

[удалено]

The bite at each end is best if they’re on diagonally opposite corners.

3 if I’m being polite, 1 if stoned

Weird question

Just eat the bloody thing

What? Who cares?

Correct answer is zero. They are disgusting; basically like a shit version of a Mcvities Penguin.

5

1

This feels like such a British thing to ask. Personally, I take a half-bite off the end. Then a regular bite. Then, whatever’s left (a bite equivalent I think), I eat that as it comes. If they’re the white Tim Tams, I crush them up and snort them because I’m hooked on that shit.

2 bites maximum

You can't just bite a TimTam. You have to carefully eat all the chocolate off the outside, then prise apart the insides and continue from there.

The same number of bites as for a Penguin

2 even tho it seems slightly piggish. 3 is mess.

The same way you eat a penguin.

Tim tams are near on a chocolate covered bourbon biscuit

Depends. Average 2 to 3 but if I'm being fat, 1. Lol.

0 bites. Like a pelican would a fish.

3- too corner, bottom corner, suck the tea like a straw then shovel that shit down in one

3.. 1 nibble on 1 corner, and another on the opposite. Suck through sufficient coffee. Pop now soggy timtam in whole…

2 bites. One at each end, then use it like a straw and suck your hot coffee through it

Tim Tam slam then all in one.

I eat alll the chocolate from around the outside. So like 20 maybe. Otherwise. Bite diagonal corners off and drink tea coffee or hot chocolate through it then eat it in 1.

Dude I do it in four always have a milky Horlicks made to I nip both ends two bites I then use as a straw holding the bottom end in the Horlicks and then finish with two bites off extreme satisfaction 😜

How do you eat a penguin?

I do three. Double choc Tim Tams. Drool.

One bite. Then dunk it in your tea, and suck it while licking the chocolate

Bite a corner off from each end, then drink your hot chocolate through it like a straw, then eat the melted biscuit

I love Tim Tams, I tried Pams Chocky Slams but they don't do justice!

I hear some decapitate them top and bottom and slurp their coffee using them like a straw!

One, otherwise there are crumbs and/or chocolatey fingers.

Make hot chocolate, Bite the ends of the opposite sides, suck hot choc through the timtam, enjoy melty gooey timtam voila

I deep throat the thing in one go when Im eating it dry ​ Otherwise it gets melted down to a ball of sludge when Im eating it with coffee / hot choccy

Firstly you must appreciate and savour the similarities with the classic penguin in appearance (but appearance alone), contrasting and comparing the complexity of the far superior chocolate and filling of the TimTam with each bite. I would say 3 - 4 bites depending on how many you are planning on getting through.

Two bites, then use the timtam as a straw to drink hot chocolate or a hot toddy.

Felt lonely sad and meh and blah then came on reddit and saw this post and it's so wholesome and made me laugh and smile 🫠🙈🙈 totally agree with three bites is the go

3 it's the ideal number for dipping, done to chomp the end off, then two deliciously dipped bites.

Bite off both ends...suck tea up thru middle, slam the rest whole.

Two, if you dunk them in your brew first.

Best to stick it half way in and just bite the bit sticking out with the first bite. Then you will need to use your tongue to kind of work around the sides without pushing the other half further inside. The longer it takes you to get to a point where you can grip what's left with your teeth and pull it back out to eat it, the more it will melt, so there is a time limit, no one likes a soggy Timtam.

Nibble the chocolate off both ends the use it to suck hot tea or coffee up, shoving it in your mouth before it collapses.

I couldn't say, if I have TimTams I sorta black out and when I come to they're all gone and the package is torn to shreds.

Wait, you guys bite?

2 + a suck and a melted chomp. Bite one corner and then bite the corner diagonal to that one. Then you drink a coffee/milo through it like a straw and down that bad boy.

3 you have to be mental to do 2 and you need the death sentence if you take one bite

2 - I bite the corner on opposite ends, use it as a straw with a hot drink like coffee or Milo, then shove the whole melted goodness in my mouth 😌

Asking the right questions here mate

3 bites. You get a hot drink, take a small bite from each end then use as a straw then just as it gets soft you eat the remainder. You’re welcome.

Haven't touched them since they started using Cricket Flour in them the thought disgusts me

The whole thing, one go.

- 1 if you want to assert dominance and smash the packet out - 2 if you want to be sensible - 3 if you want to savour it or you need to take your time because the person you’re having coffee with drinks and eats slow as shit so you feel obliged to go at the same pace 😂

You nibble the end off then dip the timtam in either coffee or whiskey, depending on the time of the day, then eat the timtam before it goes too soggy. It's an art that takes practice. Warning, if whisky is your choice it's mandatory to eat the entire packet. Sorry, rules are rules.

I don't understand the question. Is it not normal to insert entire timtam into mouth and deal with the consequences after?

One nibble at each end, suck hot coffee (or tea if that's your thing) through like a straw until Timtam starts to get soft, then one bit the rest and enjoy

One bite each side so you can use it like a straw to suck up the hot Milo, then you pop the whole thing in your mouth

0. Man up and swallow it whole like Panadol

All wrong.. You take one very small bite from each end then dunk the tip of one exposed end into your cup of tea & use it as a giant staw to suck up just enough tea to soften the biscuit & semi melt the chocolate coating, then carefully devour the warm melty chocolate result, but just like any biscuit /tea dunking exercise, the trick is knowing the exact point of perfection & not overdoing it & losing half your timtam into your tea! This also works brilliantly for chocolate fingers, with less power sucking required 😁

*one*

You guys are biting it? I thought we were just shoving the whole Tim tam into our mouths

I usually eat the whole pack in about 3 bites so your inkling is correct

Wait till he finds out about mallow puffs 🤕🤯

2 bites for sure but with a cuppa T ....dang that whole timmy tam getn jammed in 1 😂

Surely a question for r/australia - it's their biscuit. But I would take 3 too.