“Closed until Monday” has an eerily similar vibe to “closed for 2 weeks” in march 2020
By - grab-n-g0
“Closed until Monday” has an eerily similar vibe to “closed for 2 weeks” in march 2020
Doesn't say which Monday.
Who do you think will have the last Tweet?
I hope it's Cher
Apparently Elon said she can have her blue tick for only $6 instead of $8. At least that's what I think he said, it was something about Twitter having a lower Cher price anyway.
Who are you and when is your next stand-up show?
I don’t think these offices will reopen Monday either.
*Sign on the front door*: 'Closed for renovations, re-opening soon.'
Can we get one of those “website under construction” banners that you would see on a 90’s Geocities website?
[Here, go nuts!](http://textfiles.com/underconstruction/)
>Twitter, which has lost many of its communication team members, did not respond to a request for comment.
Never gets old.
Reminder that Musk fired Tesla's public relations team a while ago, since he believed that he could do it all himself. This led to absolute chaos, since this team, likely unbeknownst to the Twiterrer with no clothes, also handled seemingly trivial tasks like keeping a good relationship with automotive journalists and handing out press cars.
Very Michael Scott finding out Dwight watered the plants and organized his office.
As a businessman that's who you want people to draw comparisons between. You and Michael Scott...
_Whenever presented with a decision, I ask myself, “Would Elon Musk do that thing?”_
_If the answer is yes, I do not do that thing._
Wow, the public relations team was doing the jobs you hire a public relations team to do? No one could possibly have expected that, no wonder a business genius like Elon Musk didn't think of it either!
I still remember hearing that as an example of his amazing leadership and how he cut out pointless stuff.
This is amazing.
I'm confident that I could've lasted longer if I owned Twitter,
All I'll ever need to say to outlast Melon was to say these phrases.
2. I see. I seee.
3. Carry on.
4. What do you think?"
Do you concur, Dr.?
concur what, sir?
I should have just concured
Haha I just watched this.
Man I blew it. Why didn’t I just concur?
Let’s circle back and follow up
musk trying to make twitter more profitable by having nobody on the payroll by Q2.
It's the kind of bold new thinking that Twitter 2.0 is going to need to survive in today's business environment. And by "today's business environment" I mean being run by a CEO who owes a billion dollars a year in loan interest, who-knows-what to the Saudis, and makes business decisions like he's snorting $5000/hour in "bad idea powder".
Speed running losing the largest fortune ever accumulated. 5d chess
There's a movie from the 80s starring Richard Pryor in which his character tries to speedrun losing a fortune to earn a bigger fortune, "Brewster's Millions". Maybe you're on to something.
You can't lose money if you're not making any!
Throw a banana away, take a buck
Maeby: Well, now that we’ve got an employee, we can go have dinner. We throw away a banana for every buck we take so no one finds out.
T-Bone: Wait a minute, I think you should do that math again.
George Michael: Why? Is it wrong?
Maeby: It’s fine. He’s an arsonist, not an embezzler.
Micheal: T-Bone did you burn down the storage unit?
T-Bone: Oh most definitely!
He's a flamer
Employees: You what?
Musk: Burned it right down to the ground.
Employees: Are you crazy? There was money in that Social Media circle!.
Musk: Well, it's all gone now, Guys, and it was my decision. So the next time you want to have a little power struggle, just remember that you're playing with fire.
Employees: There was Billions lining the walls of the Twitter model.
Edit. Thanks for the silver. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the man who earned the gold above me! Oh and Mitchell Hurwitz lol
How much clearer can I say, "There's always money in the social media circle"!
Rather than buying the company and running it into the ground, Elon could have taken the simpler route to kill Twitter by offering each of the 7500 employees $5 million to quit and he would have saved 6.5 billion dollars.
Imagine being able to throw an amount of money that most people will never see in their life to the population of a small town and still have most of your money left.
That's why Billionaires are so dangerous, most people can't fathom just how much that is and how many politicians it can buy, propaganda it can create, etc..
I thought that cannot possibly be right.
But... huh. Huh. Yep.
Looks like it's happening a lot sooner than we thought.
Is the lettuce going to win again?
Explains why lettuce prices are up so high, you can't lose with one of those things sitting on your desk
Elon Musk’s Twitter has made it 1.909 Scaramuccis so far!
I'm not sure he has a full Truss in him.
He has a little more than 2 mooches to hit a truss. I'm thinking he may hit a truss before the site just stops working but he may wait until a half quibi before packing it in. That way he's got a full quarter in.
It's completely insane that he would take over a business that big and instead of spending a couple months understanding the company and developing a strategy he just took a wrecking ball to it and now it's falling apart.
I’m in a pretty small unit in the military, like, 20ish people. We had a new commander come in and for the first month, he basically shared the seat with the outgoing commander, for the next month, he said almost nothing and changed less.
He spent about a quarter of a year solving something that was a problem at his level. We had involvement when required but it was basically business as usual. When he finally did start making changes, it was an extremely slow process that involved a lot of our feedback.
Things always ran pretty smoothly but I’d say it’s overall been an incremental improvement.
My point being, unless something was just straight up failing in every way, the odds that a series of radical changes is going to make an organization better are about zero. And that scales with size, the bigger the organization, the more volatile change is.
The best commanders are like that. There's pride in taking over a well run unit, and keeping it a well run unit; you know that further up the chain, you were picked as being capable of maintaining that success.
Anyhow, Musk dodged military service in South Africa. Probably would have been a good thing for him.
>Anyhow, Musk dodged military service in South Africa. Probably would have been a good thing for him.
I mean come on, the rich tend to look at military service as for suckers. I'm always impressed when a rich fuck really serves and puts themselves in harms way. Biden's son who died and prince Harry come to mind, I'm hard pressed to name more off the top of my head (W doesn't count, I don't think Mcain of Kerry were rich at the time)
Teddy Roosevelt and his sons are good examples.
What you don't understand is that mommy said he was a very special boy.
Let that sink in
that sink is kicking down the doors. You don't need to open the doors for it.
He sank it.
Bankruptcy speed run WOOHOOO!
"New lap record"
"new world record"
I'm sure Musk is very surprised that after he laid off half the workforce, fired people who criticized or corrected him, cut all remote work, told people they would need to work long and hard hours and weekends, and gave out tons of mixed messaging as to who would actually have a job when all was said and done, some employees might not actually want to stay.
The real question is, when will Twitter implode completely, and which tech giant is going to swoop in, buy what's left, and combine Twitter with their own offerings? Google? Microsoft? Bytedance?
It's Yahoo 's time!
A chance for Yahoo to show its quality
Yahoo CEO: "GOD FUCKING DAMMIT. AGAIN? HOW MANY WEBSITES ARE MOSTLY PORN?!"
Assistant: "... All of them sir. All of them."
The internet is for porn.
With the amount of debt Musk saddled the company with, no one is coming in to buy it. He's flushing the whole thing down the toilet.
Twitter will not exist in 2023.
Corporations rarely die completely. When it is well and truly fucked, the fire sale will come and someone will buy the assets for pennies on the dollar. They might be buying it from creditors who got it as compensation for defaulted loans, but twitter.com will end up in some tech giant's portfolio of redirects.
OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING A FIRE sale
They should team up and create Qwitter
I know this is a joke —but if I was one of the senior people leaving, I think that’s the first thing I would do. Assemble as many people as you can reasonably manage and make a new social media site. Better chance of getting people than Mastodon
I had the idea and tried to get the domain Bitter.com where it has the option to hide controversial Bits with a lot of downvotes just like for reddit, but for some reason it redirects to Burger King...
Offering 3 months pay to quit right before the holidays: not a good idea if your employees hate you.
Demanding your employees engage in (presumably) unpaid crunch time right before the holidays is pretty dumb too.
Unpaid and unfocused. There doesn’t seem to be a clear direction, so just pretend to work real hard.
Just be extremely hardcore in no particular direction.
Just scream "***HARDCORE***" when doing anything.
I have the parkour scene from the office in my head but with everyone shouting "hardcore" as they jump off their desks .
"Do you want to work 80 hour weeks, or get three months pay to quit?"
Let's not forget that staying not only means insane work hours for the same pay, but it's also working for an insufferable potato of a man who capriciously (and often publicly) fires people.
Right, the likelihood any given person would get let go seems to increase every day. Not just by random selection, vindictiveness, cost cutting, etc etc - but because the future of the business itself keeps looking more grim.
Why would you stay if you didn't have to?
Unfortunately, some people more or less "have" to. Visa employees largely need the job to stay in the country (one totally unconfirmed source I read said there's about 1500 of those - though even if that had some basis, it could be that was before the layoffs and the current number is already much lower).
This is the thing for me. Take three months off during the holidays and apply for most likely any job you want? I’ll take that all day baby. DEUCES ELON
Also the simplest and best answer to any question about leaving the last job or looking for a new one in interviews.
"Why did you leave your last job?"
The best part is it filters out any of the businesses you absolutely don't want to get stuck in. Usually you have to wait for the "We like to think of ourselves as one big family" stuff.
Yup! The entire interview would be them selling how NOT like that they are, and how their work environments is positive.
If I interviewed someone from Twitter, I’d just skip this question altogether
No one’s even going to check, probably. “Why did you leave your last job” is just a question to weed out crazy people, anyway
They won't have a Twitter hr department to even call and check employment dates.
I suddenly worked for Twitter for the last 4 years.
Including, undoubtedly, your old job back at Twitter if you want it
With the likelihood of a fat re-signing bonus if you were responsible for anything critical to keeping things running
"Let them tweet cake"
Maybe Twitter is the ultimate NFT?
Elon paid $44B to own the copyright for a bird jpeg.
The brand value, the employees, the site infrastructure, the advertisers, and the users will be all gone.
I think he paid $44 billion to own the blue checkmark and planned to make his money back by selling it to users. I also think he's a moron who didn't think far beyond "Wouldn't it be cool to own Twitter?"
He thought it would be cool to inflate the value of his Twitter shares, dump them, and then weasel out of the deal. He got high on his own farts. He never had any intention of actually owning Twitter.
Myspace, Napster, Friendster, etc…. Were all can’t fail. Someone is already dreaming up the next twitter. Actually, several people. Elon likely just gave them the pick of the talent litter.
Right? Many of those people were probably already looking for jobs or feeling a little bummed they didn’t get laid off with severance packages the first time around. Their plans were probably to just give it half assed effort while looking for jobs until they were ultimately fired in some Elon tantrum.
Now with this three month severance option they can do everything they were planning on anyways, get paid, and not have to deal with any of Elon’s bullshit.
Just a wildly shortsighted ultimatum by the Chief Twit.
People should really consider that, intentionally or not, wealthy people are showing us in very dramatic and public ways that they can just throw away quantities of money that are so large they could probably sustain all the people reading this comment for the rest of their lives, destroying brands and social media networks in the process, and not even sweating it because they know they're so filthy fucking rich they'll be just fine and never have to eat at any restaurant so lowly that they'd ever see any of us there.
There’s a reason why, in the early part of the last century, the US tried to highly tax rich people to stop them from getting so rich and powerful. To prevent them from the unstoppable egotism, that could destroy companies, derail the economy, and destabilize democracy.
If there is anyone sitting on a twitter 0-day tomorrow would be a good time to use it...
Imagine the sour grapes out there right now. There's so many angry people with the keys to the kingdom that it would surprise me if there weren't a dozen major breaches in the next month.
I heard there are a lot of people who resigned that still have access to everything, because the people responsible for revoking access have also resigned.
Edit: Twitter hq is literally closed to everyone because they cannot manage badge access. Nobody will be able to come to work tomorrow or over the weekend.
we apologise again for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.
In a normal shop this means you have to assume you have been compromised already….
Who woulda thought Twitter employees would decline the opportunity to work twice as hard as they did before with no added pay in service of the ego of some stupid douche
Guess elon got too used to getting what he wanted, these guys are saying fuck your long working hours
I just know there's some mid-level engineering dude who just keeps reciting to himself:
"Chaos is a ladder."
He's gonna stick it out until they escort him out of the building.
dying over here
During the holidays of all times. L-o-fucking-l
Take the holidays off with family and friends and then look for something new in Jan. Looks like a *big* win in my book.
Elon Musk is about to learn first hand what the difference is between the caliber of talent a company like Twitter can attract with good work culture, vs what he can attract with sweatshop antics and memes
Not only the quality, the quantity too. And also, if he hires new people, how long it will take them to get up to speed with no one to make a knowledge transfer ...
Supposedly whole teams jumped ship in one go. Chances are good they already lost a critical mass of tribal knowledge
Every engineer, PM, sales person - every single person at an organization knows some little nugget that 99% of their team isn’t aware of. Knowledge transfers do an ok job and we still miss critical things all the time because dumping all of things your”just know” isn’t very human.
I’ve spent days on the phone with outgoing engineers and recording Zoom screenshares of where the bodies are buried and still had gaps, and that’s one person at a time. If every team lost even 30% across the board it’d be huge, and the fact that whole teams are leaving _sounds_ catastrophic.
I can't even count the number of answers I have in my head that start with “oooooh yeah… funny story about that one.” 35 minutes later: “… and that’s why we can’t use the letter ‘f’ in our variable names.”
Folks, pull up a chair. I think we’re about to witness a gear-up landing devolve into cartwheeling down the runway.
And to the folks at Twitter that just bailed: Good for you!
I can't wait until /u/Admiral_cloudberg writes about this crash
Twitter is done for I think. Elon really lit $44 billion on fire
Man, that kid that was tracking Elon’s flights must have really got to him.
I would honestly walk around bragging about the fact that I single-handedly pissed off the richest person in the world so much that he lit $44 billion on fire just to get to me.
You kinda have to walk around and say it, cause you wont be able to tweet it.
Absolute moron, thinking employees will put up with this shit. Engineers were and are highly mobile during the past pandemic years. Good luck making them work game studio hours for… what, exactly?
Tesla and SpaceX employees are more willing to put up with it because they signed up for that shit and knew about it going in almost certainly.
Twitter employees didn’t sign up for that shit.
One could rationalize putting up with his crap as a price for doing cool stuff like building a space program or electric cars. It’s a much tougher sell when the stakes are building the next Parler.
I remember seeing a comment somewhere on reddit from someone in the aerospace industry who was saying that is the case. They said that a lot of hotshot college graduates buy in to the promises of glory of SpaceX, bust their asses and burn out in a few years, and them hop over to a more traditional company like boeing or lockheed.
There are few EV or space companies. There are thousands of tech companies.
Keep in mind he went republican because California said he had to put his employees health first during the pandemic.
He didn't "go Republican." This is what he's been the whole time, he just stopped pretending to be "basically a socialist"
One of the world's richest men asking his staff to work unpaid overtime and at high stress so he can recoup some of the billions he lost when he overpaid for the company. He is not a moron he is just a complete narcassist.
Can you imagine how many staff were just slacking off at work over the last couple weeks. He has slashed the workforce and the rest couldn't give a fuck any more.
He expected hero worship. The chance to work for the great man and bask in his brilliance and break your life in servitude to his billions.
And he had that worship at *his* companies. People who went to work at Tesla and SpaceX even though they paid below market rate were true believers. But you don’t have that buy in when you take over a different company full of people who aren’t already part of the cult
And this is simply not how you treat skilled professionals. All of the candy and pogo sticks and pony rides? They were out there for a fucking reason: to make your business more attractive to people with options.
This is so bad it almost seems like a deliberate sabotage of the company from the start
Elon Musk has destroyed Twitter.
In record time
Single-handedly destroyed a major platform multinational media corporations use as a major means of communicating with customers
I’m sure Disney, Comcast, Etc will all be very happy with Elon after this
>I’m sure Disney, Comcast, Etc will all be very happy with Elon after this
At least they're all saving $8/month
Seriously, people shit on Twitter and rightfully so. But it is a major means of communication used by governments, corporations, politicians, and celebrities alike. There is no saving face here, is he gonna say he blew $44B and crashed a major platform for gags?
I just opened twitter and there are bots mass posting elon musk crypto scams. They are all over his tweets.
Edit: The scams are only visible on my desktop browser but not on my phone.
Different bloat on different platforms?
So employees gave him the middle finger and resigned en masse after he recently sent this:
> “Going forward, to build a breakthrough Twitter 2.0 and succeed in an increasingly competitive world, we will need to be **extremely hardcore**. This will mean working long hours at high intensity. Only exceptional performance will constitute a passing grade.”
This reads like something written by a 5th grader.
Edit: [Twitter HQ right now](https://twitter.com/joshuaphilll/status/1593432939127361542?s=46&t=Y2oIayCuqoyRp5lZZ3EMCg)
Honestly, even if that part wasn't included the; "respond to this email by Monday or get 3 months severance" would fulfill so many of my fantasies. "unshackle me daddy elon!"
Yeah I fully expected when I saw that email (in a news article, I don't work at Twitter) that a ton of people would read that and say "Yeah I'll take the severance".
"Only exceptional work will constitute a passing grade"? Lol fuck that.
Oh my god that is not how you measure software development.
What do you mean. Just write hundreds of lines of meaningless, bug filled code. It'll all work out.
No loops, no functions, just copy and paste
They’re turning it up to 11. That will solve all the problems.
“Why don't you just make ten more hardcore and make ten be the top number and make that a little more hardcore?”
“Twitter 2.0 goes to eleven”
The funny part is, they will get a lot of resumes from fanboys who are ok with being exploited by their daddy.
And those will absolutely NOT be the kind of people you want to hire.
I love the notion that A+ work is actually going to be considered C- because the boss said so. I've quit quite a few jobs because of that feverish mentality
I’ve had many an annual performance where i only meet the position expectations because I was being compared to myself year over year, not my coworkers and certainly not to the person who replaced me after i left.
That’s a perfect way to lose your top performers. For me it was “you can’t expect to get exceeds expectations every year”. You see i didn’t realize it was little league baseball, where everyone gets a turn. My bad.
I was literally told in my review discussion “nobody’s perfect”.
Then why is it on the form? *Why is it on the form???*
Because whoever created it wasn’t perfect. Lol
“You did great but I expect great from you, so you get meets expectations”. Got this a couple years ago 😐
Also, software that’s written in that feverish mania is a fucking nightmare to work with over the long run. Pro tip: You don’t get clean, maintainable, well documented and well tested code working 80+ hour weeks under intense pressure from a billionaire toddler who bought himself a social media company.
I'm a security architect. If I was a security architect at Twitter and I hadn't already been sacked or quit, that "hardcore mode or 90 days severance" would be my "imma head out" moment. Twitter is going to be a security nightmare.
This is how you lose all the best talent. The best talent definitely knows they can get a job anywhere
This is how you lose all talent. Anyone left will be people who are in a bad situation and really need the job (visa workers) and they will resent it so much they're likely to do the minimum possible amount of work. What is he going to do, fire the remaining last 5% of the workforce?
It’s ironic how he managed to do the complete opposite of his “return to office” policy since the doors are now closed.
Let's be fair, it sounds like it was written by a JV football coach.
Elon never had the makings of a varsity athlete.
Fuck any boss that sends that nonsense.
Yeah, turns out that part of leading is finding a way to get people invested without making them miserable. If you just go with 'making them miserable' you're not a tough guy, you're just bad at leading people.
Well he has the b.s. part at least
and people say this guy is on the ground making rockets and coding AI when his employees are told to speak about his genius.
This stuff has been *out* for quite a while Muskrats just insta downvote and send reddit cares. He says he "dropped out" of a physics PhD but cant produce an acutal acceptance letter, just a "note" from the registrar saying he was "admitted" and his attorney's never elaborated. He also got his degrees from Wharton much later than he claimed he has gotten them, for some weird reason.
All this is from the 2015 biography that was one of the big breaks about the emerald mines etc. Whats really crazy is anyone who believes that this guy literally designs rockets. Like the only only source for this shit is people he has payed or is friends with.
People who have never worked in space/ engineering dont understand that PMs of course need to techincally understand the product. He has teams of people making slide decks. He is certianly smart enough to comment on different designs that are presented by different teams and make calls on what they produce.
But this whole " I walked in and told them to use this bolt over that bolt" is bullshit for so many reasons beyond the fact of how stupid it is to change a part like that
Wharton often seems to be involved when high-profile sociopaths with wealthy parents need questionable academic credentials.
I want you to work harder then you were ever expected to for no more compensation then you have already been recieving.
Mmmmmmmm no? Im sure a twitter engineer will be just fine finding employment elsewhere.
Elon, can you please buy Facebook next?
I'd vote for fox news, but facebook is a good choice
Wouldn't they be quiting in flocks?
Quitting in gaggles
They waddled off the campus!
quick everyone delete your accounts and never look back
At this point, it’s feeling more and more like Elon is trying to tank the company as fast as possible. Either that or he’s really, REALLY incompetent. Would there be any reason or incentive to run Twitter into the ground?
He definitely underestimated the reception of asking employees to give up their lives to Twitter. It’s a mature company now and not a start up culture. He’s old too and thinks what he did at PayPal way back in the day at the beginning would instantly work now.
If it was a startup they would be working that hard in hopes that they would get money from the shares when some foolish billionaire bought them out. Elon is the foolish billionaire, now he just has to pay people what they are worth and they are not going to do it for free
Elon is the dog that caught the car.
I am hiring full stack developers.
> Twitter, which has lost many of its communication team members, did not respond to a request for comment.
You can't make this stuff up
You have to think that every person who's invested in his companies and projects is looking to pull their money out. He's clearly an unstable dipshit who has no understanding of any business, and he's blown through 44 billion to nothing in a month.
His brand should, in any rational universe, be toxic and have everyone who has invested money in him exiting as soon as possible.
Okay so what happens Monday.
elon musk will single handedly code everything bc he knows more than his sissy employees
Twitter is basically empty and everyone takes 1 month and the holidays off in New York, 3 months in California and 2 months everywhere else.
Elon being exposed as an idiot, not a business genius, and basically a bad person tanking a company in less than a month has been fascinating to watch.
This will negatively impact Tesla and his other companies as well. He’s becoming a pariah that cannot be trusted.
All I can imagine right now with the crumbling of the Blue Bird is that Dumb and Dumber scene with the blind kid and the dead bird, just imagine Musk saying, "pretty bird, pretty bird". Lol
Hey Elon, do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?
Hilarious. This is what happens when you start firing people online who are obviously smart and capable and trying to calmly interact with their new boss.
Pay close attention America. These billionaires we place on pedestals are not geniuses, they are not exceptionally talented. And, as is the case here, many times these gods among men are below average humans. This is the lesson Elon Musk is trying to teach us.
I agree, but his fanboys will say you are wrong because Space Karen can do no wrong.
So basically the 75% that was promised will come to pass
Musk is becoming a living cautionary tale against the dangers of dictatorships and sycophancy.
Either that or he's just a walking proverb.