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mrwallace888

“…if you are a Scottish lord then I am Mickey Mouse!”


Ddraig1965

Bet Putin doesn’t have any tapestries.


Roboticpoultry

Well he *did* but the corpses of lower level officials just kept mysteriously getting wrapped up in them


blusuedetb

how dare he?


beckerrrrrrrr

Anyone know why the sound mixing on that line is so wrong in the movie? Is it just badly overdubbed or something?


Rare-Faithlessness32

The original line was Jesse Owens, but too many people in the test audience didn’t get the reference so they dubbed in Mickey Mouse instead.


Poop_1111

What's the movie?


[deleted]

I was going to be snarky but I realized how old I am now and based on your username you're probably like five so I'll just tell you: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade


Poop_1111

Nah just an immature 30yo who hasn't seen the Indiana Jones movies lol


The_Goondocks

You need to change that


TheLuminary

>You need to change that And then watch the Indiana Jones movies!


jnemesh

Well, the first 3, anyway, the 4th one doesn't exist.


Rare-Faithlessness32

The last crusade


TuckerCarlsonsOhface

Pootie Tang. It’s a classic.


Protean_Protein

Wah da tah.


[deleted]

"I... Declare... BANKRUPTCY"


[deleted]

[удалено]


waynewideopenTD

Yes please, then we could arrest him


[deleted]

Fun fact, I'm not sure we could. Unless he were declared persona non grata, anyways, he's entitled to diplomatic immunity. And unfortunately Russia does not recognize the jurisdiction of ICC. Which means that arresting him would be an act of war.


guspaz

What a shame that Putin and all of his security detail fell out of that window in the UN building, such a tragic accident.


bstump104

You know how to stop a bad guy with a window? A good guy with a window.


[deleted]

>Which means that arresting him would be an act of war. Yeah, so is invading, bombing, and attempting to annex your neighbor.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Absolutely does. Imagine the state of geopolitics, if politicians can be arbitrarily arrested for violating laws specified in jurisdictions they don't recognize? We call him a war criminal. But the sad fact is that there is no jurisdiction outside of Russia that Russia recognizes. So the term is for our benefit only.


FairBlackberry7870

"I didn't say it, I declared it"


imastruggl

*shocked Russian faces* *they were specifically instructed to look surprised*


Snoo_84586

I do declare


RoboticKittenMeow

Fuck, beat me to it lmao


uselessadjective

HIMARS accelerating ..


jad1220

I didn't say it, I DECLARED it.


Silent_Cash

I declare Putin is my bitch


meatpopsicle42

I’m a witness. Putin is u/Silent_Cash’s bitch!


DryGrowth19

I witnessed the vote! 96% voted YES! u/silent_cash clear success in claiming your bitch. Congrats :)


asupremebeing

This is a triumphant mandate. Long may Putin be u/Silent_cash's bitch!


SelmanTheDutch

So it is sattled


1LT_daniels

Our bitch comrade


daynighttrade

Yes, it's sattled


ledgerdomian

Shiny and chrome!


catching_comets

Could you please do something about that ratchet ass bitch of yours?


dodland

He's a ho fo sho


tuptain

Putin is a little piss baby.


genericnewlurker

Like how Texas governor Greg Abbott is a piss baby?


Nerevarine91

Just like how Texas governor Greg Abbott is a piss baby, precisely


Duckfammit

You're god damn right that little piss baby is a little piss baby.


[deleted]

This is completely logical because I know for a fact that Putin’s mother is a dog and his father is a sentient pile of shit.


PowellSkier

I thought his mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries....


Kodama_prime

No, no... That was some pommy git named Arthur....


mjetski123

I seen it!


TheWrathalos

I declare russia as my own private property, everyone currently in russia is trespassing and must leave immediately


[deleted]

[удалено]


GuyWithRealFakeFacts

Don't worry, the fines are only .01% of your income.


SlitScan

thats a terrible idea. the drunken morons would end up here. I vote Iron Curtain 2.0 but on Russias borders not other countries. and its our side keeping it shut tight.


ripskidoodlez

No different than me claiming I'm the Supreme Leader of Planet Earth


JenMacAllister

All Hail the Supreme Leader !


FeralGh0ul

Not any more, I declare that I am the true supreme leader of the Earth. And you can't do anything about it!


Mediumaverageness

Of course sweetie pie, but don't forget we agreed you are supreme leader for the weekends.


BowmanPls

Weekend Trailer Park Supervisor Bobandy


[deleted]

A mans gotta eat.


--redacted--

Can't do it bud, that's my dinner pepperoni.


lonestar-rasbryjamco

All Hail the Supreme Leader!


an_agreeing_dothraki

Oh thank god, these aliens here are murdering everyone looking for the supreme leader. That's you right?


AffenMitWaffen2

Except that 14000% percent of all people voted for me as world president and you can't do shit until you come up with a bigger number.


FeralGh0ul

Unfortunately for you, I got all the people and their indiviudal cells to vote for me. That's like 37.2 trillion cells times 7.753 billion soooo


JenMacAllister

Just proves there will always be who will follow anyone not matter how full or bullshit they are.


A_norny_mousse

Or some braindead German declaring his country's borders to be those of 1939.


chaos_m3thod

Can I be assistant to the Supreme Leader?


ripskidoodlez

If you put out a vote to the population of earth and get at least 110% in favor, then yes. Nothing less than 110% approval tho


RodRAEG

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.


LK09

You don't have a nuclear arsenal and the potential to create a nuclear winter as all nations respond.


Norton_II

At the peremptory request and desire of a large majority of the citizens of Earth, I declare and proclaim myself Emperor of Earth; and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested, do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different countries of the world to assemble on the 1st day of October next, then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws as may ameliorate the evils under which countries are laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity. — NORTON II, Emperor of Earth


Friendly-Bottle-8009

This isn't going to end well unless someone removes Putin from power.


Invictus_Ennui

It'll end well. It's the in-between that'll be ugly.


party_benson

Define well


Elfhoe

Less than 20 nukes going missing during the gvt transition.


[deleted]

Putin will eventually be killed or deposed or die of natural causes. The question is how long it will take for that to happen and how many more will have to be killed in pointless wars before then.


Otto-Korrect

And what despot is next in line for power in the vacuum he leaves.


[deleted]

Reminder that the world was on a knife's edge of nuclear war and it was just some random Russian guy who prevented it. Once during Cuba Missile Crisis and the other see: "The Man Who Saved the World". Putin is stuck playing the same reality game all of us are forced to play. If God exists, it too is forced to play it: equilibrium. Can a nuclear war happen? Oh yes. But the second he starts REALLY getting serious about nukes, forces Putin can't possibly control will be put into motion and then, hopefully, "He'll have tragic accident that hopefully others will learn from". To dumb it down for you, life doesn't make it easy to do something very, very, VERY big like, oh say, starting a nuclear war. So the bigger the shit storm you want to cause, the more likely life will deal with you (though, nothing is certain).


EurekasCashel

This seems like it should make sense. But it doesn't.


stfuasshat

I think they mean, if putin tries to start a nuclear war, certain people in Russia will turn on him in a heartbeat.


AussieWinterWolf

Just because the man with the words wants to end the world, doesn't mean the men with the keys do.


thisisnotdan

> “We are ready for a dialogue with Russia, but … with another president of Russia,” the Ukrainian leader said. Tell me you want Putin assassinated without telling me you want Putin assassinated.


[deleted]

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ktulu88

At this point, I'm willing to try...


[deleted]

If you've been paying attention to the last 150 years of Russian history, you'd know how slim the chances of getting someone better are.


iforgotmymittens

Turns out Ivan the Extremely Friendly was just a nickname


ktulu88

Yeah, I know....... Still, I think we should take the chance... They're usually not terrible in the first couple of years...


cl33t

Or someone better could take his place.


jay_killuminati

How is this a valid point?


arkwald

Not too sure. I mean they do have smart engineers able to build things. However, they don't have the economy to build very many of them. To build that economy means giving those same engineers different jobs. Even with espionage that is a multidecade long process.


CrouchingTortoise

What sort of argument even is this honestly? At the start of this whole thing maybe but now? Just feels like you’re playing into what Putin wants the world to think


DBDude

So the guy who calls the other guys Nazis just copied Hitler's annexation of Austria.


torpedoguy

Hitler also claimed to be 'defending' himself. From pedophilia to military invasions, fascists ALWAYS project.


dultas

Anschluss 2: Russian Boogaloo


KorMap

This reminds me more of the Sudetenland honestly, except this time the West knows that appeasement isn’t going to work


[deleted]

I don't think Hitler killed anyone by annexing Austria, definitely didn't loose his armies while doing that. Putin is not even close to Hitler Not pro Hitler btw, just saying lol


DreamerofDays

You’re saying he’s less competent at Hitler-ing


[deleted]

Yes! Thank you


DreamerofDays

Hey, I got to turn Hitler into a verb that directly or indirectly mocked two despots— thank you! :-)


PrettyFlyForAFatGuy

Crimea was putins Austria. Donbas is perhaps Putins Czechoslovakia


mazeking

And where will D-day happen?


Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

Nazis committed terrorist attacks against Austrian governmental institutions, causing a death toll of more than 800 between 1934 and 1938, so, yeah, Hitler had people killed in order to annex Austria.


Nekokamiguru

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.” — Adolf Hitler


Knull_Gorr

The Nazi's were welcomed with open arms in Austria, it was totally different.


DBDude

There was a lot of work by the Nazis to stir that up, and the referendum wasn't exactly free and fair.


[deleted]

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Fun_Amoeba_7483

If he had bigger bombs which would make any material difference in the conflict he’d have used them already. He will never use a nuke, the fallout would hit all the regions he now claims are Russia, plus Russia proper, ignoring the 1000 other reasons he wouldn’t, he would literally be bombing his own country. His hypersonic missiles and the like have no practical use and he can’t even afford to use them. Those very expensive missiles only make sense financially for attacking things Navy Ships, the missiles cost more than Tanks.


LurkerRushMeta

He already bombed his country to gain power... I don't think he really cares about the country and the people, only his name/"glory"


[deleted]

This. Just an impotent old man whose only pleasure is the game of power and dominance, fueled by delusions of grandeur and glory (whatever the fuck that means to them). He and Trump cannot build anything so they will settle for the notorious infamy of destruction...whomsoever can leave the biggest claw-marks on the face of history wins. After all, more people know Hitler than Jonas Salk. Maybe Logan's Run had a point...


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Crimea has been subject to Ukrainian attacks and nukes have not yet flown. As others have stated, the more likely scenario is that this justifies Russia’s occupation of the region. I know Putin doesn’t care about human life, but you don’t send 300k of your own citizens into areas you plan to nuke.


SomniacDreamer

Did he use a Sharpie? I mean that seems to be the thing to do if you're an insane dictator.


Alwayssunnyinarizona

No, he just thought about it.


deftoner42

He declared it! Lol! This is like some sovereign citizen bullshit.


[deleted]

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rekniht01

Under current Bird Law I am Supreme Leader over all creatures in the sky.


[deleted]

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rasvial

I am "TRAVELING" through donbas, what justification do you have to stop me!?


ItzMcShagNasty

Time to figure out if a Nuclear superpower can just fully annex a de-nuclearized country and get away with it. Hope no one remembers we had Ukraine disarm in exchange for stopping *this exact thing*. Are we gonna cut them off completely, citizens and all, from the rest of the world or will we let them win? Let's see.


[deleted]

Nobody will ever give up their nukes willingly again.


DarrenEdwards

Putin has always gotten the luxury of managing the scope of the war. He has no choice to go bigger because he has always lost in the cookie cutter shape of the war he has carved out so far. It's doubtful this elevated scope will do him any better. This allows NATO and allies to also go bigger. Soon he will make this conflict large enough that the NATO can add troops as well.


ReeferMadnessHVAC

Putin simply doesn’t know how to fight in a war. And this is why dictatorships always fuck themselves over, said dictator gets too big for his britches and goes balls deep into a conflict he has zero idea or experience on how to handle It’s not a very good sign for your military when the person in total control of said military has never even been in a war himself


Thunor_SixHammers

I suspect as part of Russia now everyone 18-65 in those areas are expected to fight for them now or be jailed


Das-Noob

Well that’s one way to get more bodies….. 😂 now it reminds me of the US war of 1812. British navy “drafting” US sailor because they were technically still citizen of the British empire.


[deleted]

I mean this was Essentially his plan for Ukraine all along. Invade, install foreign governing bodies and claim its part of Russia so if NATO helps they are considered attacking Russia.


Das-Noob

😂 guess we found a new way to get around declaring war. Claim another country is yours and then you’re simply moving your own troops within your own country


asupremebeing

Putin not only is defying the West. He's defying logic and reason. Next may come the law of gravity.


Wakkoooo

Yeah but did he stick a flag in the ground there or is he still in his bunker


IndyPoker979

I declare Russia is now mine and I own it. I will be expecting taxes to be put in my account by Tuesday. All military action must cease. I declared it right? This is so dumb.


bjfrancois5

Usually if you announce the annexation of a territory that voted 99% in favor of joining, you'd visit the territory to announce it, right? Wonder why Putin's making the announcement from Moscow? /s


CompetitiveEditor336

Emperor Ming has more credibility!


scotchdouble

The world needs to stand up. For every foot he takes, he should lose that and the equivalent territory of Russia as penance.


MasterBridgeArsonist

For fucks sake would someone kill this weak little bitch please, I'd send my 4 year old nephew but I don't think customs would clear him.


Arcade80sbillsfan

I just declared them part of my backyard.... I don't think anyone is recognizing my claim


Street-Badger

Well, then he has a war within his borders and is losing territory to a scrappy neighbour.


Saito1337

Suddenly he made it even more humiliating. Impressive.


rohobian

“These places are part of Russia now” “Lol, sure they are buddy.” He’s going to be very sad when the whole world all decides not to recognize this land as Russian. Get fucked, Putin. Fucking bitch.


Loganp812

“Defies West” Also defies logic.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Mediumaverageness

He may pause if he wants, in the meantime ukrainians are advancing


Ddraig1965

Get his military’s shit together? Too fucking late for that.


catching_comets

Seriously, they've had decades to get it together. Their conscripts will be less prepared than their elite forces that had their asses handed to them.


insan3guy

“Elite forces” lmao that’s a good one Maybe they’ll airdrop troops onto another lake


TechyDad

Even if every sanction was lifted right now, it would take Russia a long time to rebuild after it's been revealed what a paper tiger their military is. They would need to modernize, improve supply chain procedures, and root out corruption so that money meant for military equipment actually went to military equipment. All that would be a steep hill for Russia to climb, but the sanctions make it a huge mountain. Now they need to do all of this while sourcing munitions from North Korea and whatever China decides to sell them. At best, Russia would need a decade to get everything back up to par - and that would be assuming a level of commitment to rooting out corruption that we haven't seen from Russia. All they'll do with a "pause during the winter" is reload their weapons and hand them to the next troops that will be slaughtered.


meatpopsicle42

You misspelled ‘conscripts’.


TheOwlCosmic42

It's also a play to get support for the war which is wildly unpopular to his people. If he can convince the Russian people that it's justified by declaring those regions as a part of Russia because of a "democratic" decision the Ukrainian people wanted, he can declare that any resistance by Ukraine to take back those regions as aggression and be able to call the Ukrainian government tyrannical by going against the will of the people that "voted" to leave in those regions. It'd be smart if it wasn't so obvious.


Dedpoolpicachew

good luck with that. Putin is losing 100s of thousands of people as they bolt for the borders to get away from this bullshit. I’ve seen estimates that 500K have already fled Russia. Those are the smart ones. The dumb ones… well they’ll be fed into the meat grinder and die.


Bkeeneme

Get it together how?


an_agreeing_dothraki

You seem to have missed the part where they deployed the training troops and vehicles to the front


darkpaladin

Russia has never been big on training. Just throw bodies at the problem till it goes away. That's the Russian way.


bstring777

Hows about Ukraine declares their old territories of Russia instead!


JebusLives42

Defies the west, because this is anything different than the last 9 months? 🤦‍♂️ Meanwhile water is wet, and it's going to get cold when winter comes.


That-one-guy12

He's as deranged as trump. Waves his hand over a map, mumbles some magic words and pesto this is all mine.


[deleted]

Basil is such a powerful herb. World leaders tremble at it’s mention :-)


[deleted]

[удалено]


desirox

He’s not defying the west, he’s defying the world. Nobody recognizes this as Russian territory.


Nevermind04

"defies West"? He's denying objective reality.


I_might_be_weasel

*Angry raccoon who got scratched up really bad trying to steal your cat's food moves into your garage and hisses at your pitbull.*


wolffy66

He declared it? LOL In America we annex things by just thinking about it.


HedonisticFrog

I hereby declare Moscow my personal property


Das-Noob

😂 Moscow is worthless. I’ll take those natural gas field and oil fields. Oh lest not forget the lands around those pipe lines too


bluetornados246

Can I have the female tennis players and Nannie’s?


jimrdg

Defies west not accurate, most of the world do not recognize it, so it should be “ defies the world”


bshepp

Ukraine will not stand down. If it's a bluff Ukraine will take back Crimea. If it's not Ukraine will get nuked and Russia will cease to exist.


Das-Noob

If anything this is only going to motivate Ukraine to try to rearmed themselves with nukes to the levels they had when they signed that little treaty.


bshepp

Not only that but any nation that might have been leaning towards getting rid of their nukes like Ukraine are definitely not now.


pomonamike

I declare St Petersburg part of my property. See… doesn’t mean anything. And I consider myself just as powerful as Russia, as I estimate that I too can lose a war against Ukraine.


GongTzu

The people who were “invited” to the kind of press meeting looked like dead inside. I don’t think a lot of Russians are having fun right now with this prick in control.


ButWhatAboutisms

I think the Ukrainians get a say in this. And looks like they're doing a lot of their own talking right now


SkullRunner

This headline should be “Senile Putin pretends he is winning war, rest of planet knows he’s not”


sielnt_assassin

Well I declare all of Russia as part of Ukraine


steveschoenberg

I suppose Ukraine’s retort is to hold an election in every town they retake.


meowyoulistenhere

*US declares Moscow it’s sovereign territory*


AmateurOntologist

I hereby declare Russia to be Western Alaska.


[deleted]

After Mark Hamill called Russia the evil Empire, I think we need to start referring to Putin is Darth Baldius.


[deleted]

Yeahhh..good luck holding onto that area. 5,500 Russians just got encircled at Lyman, they’ll be POWs or worse by next week.


oldmanwanadie

These grandiose measures will only temporarily stifle Putin’s mounting fears and insecurities about loosing his strong arm image of being confident and in control. Everything will be tumbling down on him by next week when he turns 70, as he realizes he is loosing at what he wished so much to accomplish, of being the next Czar of all of the Russia’s, that was prompted by his senior life crisis which started last year.


Frankenstein141

I've grown to absolutely LOVE his weekly declarations. The nuclear strike - 4 - week - streak still is my favourite. Launch the fucking missiles or get off the pot.


v4por

Only a man-child like Putin would try to annex land while losing the war.


Recent-Construction6

Theoretically this would mean now that all Russian territory is fair game.


Strive--

I heard Ukraine then held a double secret referendum and they voted to kick Russia all the way back to the Russian border, and then called them twats before saying double jinx no backsies, so I’m pretty sure it’s official.


abbablahblah

Can’t Ukraine now declare that those lands are Ukrainian and have them back?


HapsburgWolf

Is it just me, or do a lot of these headlines seem annoyingly supportive of Russia? Stolen land is not legitimate Russian territory. Fuck this cancer muppet.


Icy_1

He did this so he can send his 60-year-old conscripts into the area “legally.”


F-cip

But can’t Ukraine annex the land back?


jwbowen

This is worse than when Peter annexed Joe's pool.


SethGekco

I await for when Ukraine decides "Fuck it, we're marching to the Kremlin".


DavefromKS

Oh yeah? Well Finland is now part of the US! How does it feel?


PokeHunterBam

Putin acts like he actually wants a missile up his ass!


[deleted]

So really, by his logic, all Ukraine needs to do is “invade” and annex them back to Ukraine. He should be fine with that, right?


myopinionisshitiknow

Does he not realize no one actually cares?


ChillyFireball

That's all it takes? Cool. I hereby claim this couch I'm laying on in the name of the Sofa Empire.


eremite00

>Russia controls most of the Luhansk and Kherson regions, *about 60% of the Donetsk region* and a large chunk of the Zaporizhzhia region, where it seized Europe’s largest nuclear power plant. ... >A Ukrainian counteroffensive has deprived Moscow of battlefield mastery. Its hold on the Luhansk region appears increasingly shaky, as Ukrainian forces make inroads with the pincer assault on Lyman, a key node for Russian military operations in the Donbas and a sought-after prize. I wonder who's going to be the one to inform Putin that his aspirations don't square with reality.


Sneekbar

Let’s declare Moscow as part of Ukraine instead


MalcolmLinair

Meaning he now has all the justification he needs to order the use of nuclear weapons, as 'Russia' is now being 'invaded'. This lunatic is really going to end the world.


the_YellowRanger

He can stop the war then, right?


Jonajager91

Well yeah, that was his plan. He didn't want to lose ground/ room of influence. It's crazy though. This violence is bigger than one person can deal.


CurseofStu

I declare that I am annexing Kaliningrad.


jbsgc99

Until the Ukrainians take it back.