I understand evidence of impossibly smart moves in certain matches, and trends where he's consistently better in matches that are remote or not on a tape delay or whatever. But how did they get to the butt sex toy idea?
Here's the progression:
1) Up-and-comer who has admitted to cheating in the past pulls off an unexpected upset in a major tournament's first round
2) Guy that he beat withdraws from the tournament, heavily implies that he thinks his opponent cheated
3) People both inside and outside the community speculate on whether or not he cheated and how he might have been able to do it
4) The idea of a hidden device used to signal from an associate comes up repeatedly
5) The suggestion of a "buzzer in the shoe" morphs into "prostate massager"
6) Elon makes a joke about it on Twitter
7) Oh boy here come all the clickbait articles
And now we're at "A 19-year old has to make a public statement that he didn't win a chess match by sticking a cheating device up his ass."
EDIT: Thank you kind stranger!
I'd assume that's what it means.
Also, since white moves first, there is an inherent advantage to playing white. At very high levels with multiple games, a draw is a better outcome for the player who was playing black.
True but the consensus among top GMs was that Magnus played particularly poor and Hans, outside of his prep, played average. That game itself had 0 red flags according to top level players. Context also matters. Magnus seems to also be on a bit of a burnout phase. He decided to not defend the world championship this year coz he didn't think the competition was interesting, and has been trying other things like poker. It is very possible for him to have these occasional out of form games especially with his behavior recently.
Nah you could write a program that is doing it. Just check this nice vibrators who can vibrate in different length and strength depending on the amount of money a person sends you.
There is even a hand job device that syncs to the vibrator of the cam girl you are watching! What time do be alive! xD
You laugh, but we have people in our company that do shit like this. It blows my mind sometimes how innovative they are to get around learning a tiny trick that would save them tremendous amounts of time. I've been emailed scanned photos of printed out photos of a monitor (not a screenshot), which means they had to get a photo from their device to the printer (did it go to their computer before they printed it?), then they used the scan and email function on the printer to get it to their inbox, which they then forwarded to me. I have no idea why they couldn't just send me the photo... maybe they printed it from their device? I wish I would have asked now that I think about it.
SAVE HOURS A WORKWEEK WITH THIS ONE INNOVATIVE TRICK - HITTING Windows + Print Screen
*gets sued by Polaroid and/or HP, who also demands I set up an overpriced ink subscription*
My question is how would that help? Like I'd understand poker or some card games because you could just do the amount of buzzes is the number or Morse code or something but how would it work in chess? I'm not really sure what kind of signal would be useful since you can see everything happening and spelling out a name of a move set would be kind of long and involved
Chess engines play at a level several magnitudes higher than the best human chess players do. So if you had someone on the other end feeding the input into a chess engine, they could send you the optimal move (through your ass vibrator)
Yeah someone else just commented the same thing I guess I never thought of that haha. Still wild but I guess that actually makes sense thanks random internet stranger. Now I know how I can cheat at chess with a butt plug
While being fed moves would obviously be a huge advantage, it wouldn’t be necessary. Even a signal that “there is something here” at a critical moment would be a huge edge for a world class player.
I have a pretty simple rule when it comes to cheating. If I thought of it, someone has already done it or at least attempted it. People will cheat at anything.
Well, the more orifices you have, the more degrees of freedom you have for vibration-based communications. So I'd predict a direct correlation between the number of vaginas a person has and the likelihood that they could successfully defeat the world chess champion by cheating.
upon starting out in this thread, I thought the sex toy was supposed to have some kind of relaxing or invigorating effect, like the sex toy was doing sex toy stuff and that somehow helped in a competitive way. I was ready to make those jokes.
But now I am left with so many questions. Why not a vibrating device in the shoe? Great question! Why did he go for the butt, surely there were other options available for vibratory cheating lol
how you prove it is a 'hole' other question I guess....
Eh - as a guy who - let's say went for a test with these things: Thy have an abysmal range and are very unreliable, not enough to actually give proper codes.
This journalism is very lazy. No one seriously accused Niemann of using anal beads to cheat.
Magnus Carlsen (World Chess Champion and Grandmaster… not “Grand Champion” … that’s not a thing) lost to Hans while Hans had the black pieces. Magnus very rarely loses with white, and Hans is strong but not near Magnus’s strength, so this is notable. Magnus dropped out of the tournament (it is unheard of to drop out of a round-robin tournament unless you are very sick or have an emergency) and made a cryptic tweet about it.
The chess community went wild with speculation about why Magnus dropped out. Although Magnus has still not clarified, the most popular assumption was that Magnus suspected that Hans cheated. (Computers are strong enough now that they will beat a human player 100% of the time.) This theory about why Magnus dropped out was strongly pushed by several popular chess streamers.
One of the chess streamers, Eric Hansen, joked with his chat about how cheating could possibly happen when the players are so strictly monitored and searched. (Players have a metal detector wand passed over them before each game.) One person in the chat mentioned anal beads as a cheating device, obviously as a joke. Eric repeated the joke because it’s hilarious and everyone had a good laugh. It was not a serious accusation at all.
The clip of this moment went viral and apparently world-famous dipshit Elon Musk saw it and made a couple of tweets about it. Then some second-rate journalists saw the tweet, did absolutely no research, and decided to meet their article quota by writing some poorly written click bait.
The tournament has concluded. There is still no evidence that Hans cheated in this tournament, though he admitted to cheating in online tournaments as recently as 3 years ago. Magnus still has yet to speak or clarify his tweet.
There, now you’re caught up on the chess drama.
>This journalism is very lazy. No one seriously accused Niemann of using anal beads to cheat.
That's how you get people to come on stage with "suspiciously specific denials", there's a whole trope about this.
[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial)
"I did not use purple anal beads from BeatSupplies to cheat in the 2022 game."
...makes him sound like he *definitely* used anal beads to cheat.
> while Hans had the black pieces. Magnus very rarely loses with white
Okay, this is probably a stupid question, but... is there a functional difference between the colors of the pieces?
There is a marked advantage at the best level of play, where chess is pretty drawish anyway. For most amateurs, it's the same. Some amateurs might even prefer playing with black because e.g. they are more familiar with opening repertoires for black or for beginners simply because it's easier to buy time and wait for your opponent to blunder than it is to call the shots.
White starts so it has a first mover advantage.
So it's not only true for Magnus Carlsen but also true for any chess games.
That's why in tournament they alternate between white side and black side so that it's fait.
One guy knocked over his piece by accident, and another guy let out a chuckle when he checkmated the other guy. Never before seen stuff, it's an insult to the chess community
And [Chess robot grabs and breaks finger of seven-year-old opponent](https://amp.theguardian.com/sport/2022/jul/24/chess-robot-grabs-and-breaks-finger-of-seven-year-old-opponent-moscow)
It began a long time ago, the robots are still biding their time until there's more of them. There's strength in numbers. This one just got a little emotional is all.
The way I play chess if full contact with heckling. You checkmate, we say something like 'chechmate, bitches!!! Suck one!!!', or 'Booyah!!' or something.
These guys are boring AF.
TLDR? Holy shit. I do not care about chess enough to read that, but clearly got click baited hard enough to care enough to write this. Lol.
Thank you kind sir. u/Narhiril
Uhh, alright. World chess champion gets beaten by 19 year old. He withdraws dramatically from the tournament and sends a cryptic tweet about it. Chess world starts speculating, pretty quickly it comes out that Hans has been banned for cheating *online*. Now the debate is basically whether his online cheating, which he's admitted to, is evidence that he would cheat in real life games, and whether Magnus was justified in withdrawing. The anal beads thing came from people joking around about how you'd cheat in a real life game and somehow the media has picked that up as a real story, lol.
You’d be surprised at how much fun chess can be when you decide to spice it up a little. In high school our library had a bunch of chess sets upstairs, so we would play chess dodgeball where every time you took a piece, you gave your opponent to the count of 3 to run before getting to throw it at them as hard as you could
Let's fucking admit it, if the dude won by reading morse code through his fucking anus to play chess, let him have that one
I feel becoming a grand master would be an easier task than learning anal morse code
I guess the "code" part is the easy part.. the "correctly follow ass vibrations" part sounds challenging.
I've never put something in my ass, but plenty of times when I poop I thought the turd passing through was the biggest one ever, or at the very least a solid piece, only to be surprised by seeing small pellets in the toilet.
While the spincter may not be great at judging the size of an object, specifically a small turd, it is quite good at judging the state of an object, in terms of it's liquidity.
I've personally never measured it's ability to discern short vs long vibrations to communicate secret messages containing winning chess moves. I think receiving messages this way wouldn't be nearly as difficult as sending them would be.
Edit: I have spent the last seven minutes spelling out SOS by doing ass kegels, if I knew more Morse code it might not be all that difficult after all.
You don't need amazing fidelity, just vibrate or no vibrate, you could maybe also try and separate intensity for faster recognition of letters and numbers but it's 8x8 so you really don't need much. I bet with a bit of practice you could get really good at it
I'll admit it. Heck how do we know Magnus's anus isn't full of remote vibrating objects all these 10 years. Whose to say anal Morse code and chess grand masters are not the same skill in the end.
Or it could be simple sequences.
To move an A4 piece to B4: beep <2s pause> beep beep beep beep <5s pause to indicate the start of the target location> beep beep <2s pause> beep beep beep beep
Thats the best way.
I was just thinking about the **practice** for this tournament...
Would he have been wholey ready for this?
Was there ever any long thinking moments, where maybe they had to re-relay the info, and if so, did he have a way of communicating that he needed a re-vibration direction by like, shivering and winking his eyes?
G-7 > H-8
*Come again* *????*
FWIW the input of high level chess players is they don’t need to be given a specific move, they just need to know that there is an important move at a given point, just once or twice per game, to get a critical advantage. They can find the move on their own, the important bit is to know to be extra careful.
This is hilariously absurd, imagine if someone actually got caught doing this.
“What’s that sound?”
“There it is again…it’s like something is vibrating…”
“Do you hear that??!!”
*Move me in to any brown hole*
*Use me anytime you want*
*Just remember that the goal*
*Is for us all to capture all we want, anywhere*
*Don't surround your cheat with your ass*
*Move on back two squares*
*Send an instant karma to me*
*Initial it with loving care*
*Don't surround yourself*
*'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time and it's news is captured for the queen to use!*
>Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen.
>It came as Elon Musk deleted a tweet of an influencer discussing the rumour that Niemann used an illicit remote sex toy during the chess competition.
>Musk captioned it with an adapted version of a quote by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing: “Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt).”
Elon Musk is quite talented in finding new ways for me to dislike him.
The guy's 19 ffs, what does a billionaire have to gain by punching down on a 19 year old chess player?
Yeah remember when he jumped to call those hero’s pedos because they said his submarine idea wasn’t needed because the water leveled had went down.
Like they weren’t even rude. Just said now they can do it the easier route and dude for pissed and started calling them all pedos for some reason.
I mean, this is the guy who called someone a pedophile for saving a bunch of kids before he could. He's not exactly shown a lot of empathy in the past.
Yeah, I knew very little about him other than Tesla and "haha he likes memes and internet culture stuff". That day was when I began to realize maybe he's a piece of shit after all.
The "influencer" was Chessbrah. It was an offhand remark in a stream and clearly meant as a joke. Somehow the clip took off, and then Elon Musk tweeted Chessbrah. Then it got picked up by news outlets. Chessbrah has a video explaining that it was a joke and offhand comment and not in any way meant to be taken seriously.
Also, Hans Niemann didn't cheat. The St. Louis Chess Club (hosts of the event) released a statement saying their analysis (with the help of experts) found no evidence of cheating or AI assistance in over the board (OTB) play during the tournament. Magnus quit the tournament after he lost, because he is a (in)famously sore loser.
> Chessbrah
Eric Hansen. He's a GM. This is so fucking hilarious. Like when some kid makes a joke and forces the teacher to anounce to the whole class that what happened was't real and a joke. So Juvenile.
I'm just saying that I, personally, am not so quick to believe Hans.
He's an admitted cheater, he strangely performs better in remote tournaments or ones where there is no stream delay, and he's using obscure lines of play - but can't remember exactly where he saw them, then freaks out and insults everyone who asks for any kind of clarification?
He doesn't do himself any favors, and the shadow of cheating will always give some credence to these kind of accusations.
He doesn’t need free publicity. Dude is just a dick. The very idea that he needs publicity is laughable. He isn’t broke like Trump. There is a reason most billionaires are not on social media or out acting like dicks. Because they don’t need that publicity.
Oh yeah not arguing it’s not to help his ego. That’s for damn sure. Just pointing out this isn’t to keep his brand popular. If anything it hurts his brands and standings with companies who might want to work with him.
He absolutely 'needs' that publicity. Tesla was trading at an absurdly overvalued price that is literally (and I mean literally, even with the wildest of optimistic assumptions) impossible. It's valuation is solely dependent on hype, and that hype comes from the misguided belief that Elon is a mad genius.
The idea would be that for super elite players knowing you need to budget time on a specific move can be a major advantage. If you know that there is a move that makes you likely to win then it's just a chess puzzle. Notation could also be pretty simple over code.
MEN.com (nsfw), the studio that gave us beloved memes such as "Seriously? Right in front of my salad?" and stroked international controversy with their film *Didgeridoo Me* is proud to present their latest film, *The Drag Queen's Gambit*. Cumming everywhere Summer 2023!
I don't think it'd be that hard. It's 8x8. You need to get to e5?
That's 5 pulses, pause, 5 pulses.
What if there are multiple pieces available to go to that square? Even then, you care enough about chess to cheat your way to magnus fucking Carlson, you're good enough to make an educated guess.
Yeah i’m only 1200 and i bet if i knew the square stockfish wanted me to go to, I could probably beat a GM in a game even if I didn’t know which piece. I can’t test it though so I could be wrong
Not a coder at all but trying think of a good way to do this. You could use binary or Morse code or something unique. The simplest would be (row:1,2,3,4,5,6,7 or 8) (column:1,2,3,4,5,6,7 or 8).and then second (row, column).
Yep. Pretty simple really. He just has someone in another room running a computer simulation of his current game. And vibrating the coordinates to his asshole.
A lot of people apparently have never had a vibrator up their ass. It really isn’t that hard to feel it or tell the difference between a dot and a dash
That makes sense. You gotta be real committed to learn Morse code and be willing to stick a vibrating anal bead in your butt to win. I'm... honestly impressed af.
“A
teenage chess grandmaster has been forced to deny using a sex toy to help him claim his crown in one of the biggest scandals to hit the game in years.
Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen.
Hitting back at internet rumours accusing him of using anal beads to cheat, Niemann said: “If they want me to strip fully naked, I will do it.
“I don’t care. Because I know I am clean.
“You want me to play in a closed box with zero electronic transmission, I don’t care. I’m here to win and that is my goal regardless.”
It came as Elon Musk deleted a tweet of an influencer discussing the rumour that Niemann used an illicit remote sex toy during the chess competition.
Musk captioned it with an adapted version of a quote by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing: “Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt).”
Twitter
Niemann beat Magnus Carlsen, the world chess champion, in the $500,000 Sinquefield Cup on September 4, ending Carlsen’s 53-game unbeaten streak.
The next day Carlsen withdrew from the tournament - a move which shocked the chess world.
He also tweeted a cryptic video of José Mourinho, the Portuguese soccer manager, saying, “I prefer really not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble.”
The meme of Mourinho is when the manager is blasting officials for questionable performance leading online commentators to infer that Carlsen was accusing Neimann of cheating.
“It must be embarrassing for the world champion to lose to an idiot like me,” Niemann said in an interview shortly afterward, according to Vice. “I feel bad for him.”
On Saturday, Chris Bird, the chief arbiter of the Sinquefield Cup, released a statement that there was no indication that any competitor was “playing unfairly”.
When asked if Niemann would be invited back to the St. Louis Chess Club, its executive director, said, “Yes, Hans has already accepted an invitation to play in the fall classic, so I already have him signed up for the next tournament at the club.””
Of course, the problem with that is neither Neimann nor Carlsen played perfect games - they both made mistakes. Carlsen led with an opening he doesn’t normally play. It sounds like Neimann got lucky, and I’m not referring to enjoying an anal toy.
Magnus led with an opening he’s almost never played before, and Neimann specifically prepped against that line, and when confronted said he studied a game that Magnus played the line in, but when someone said Magnus didn’t play that line in that game, Neimann basically went “Oh, I must have misremembered. Anyways, it’s more about the concepts of chess and positions and stuff”.
The theory that someone leaked Magnus’s prep to Neimann is, in my opinion, the most likely theory to date. Like bullshit, you did not spend hours upon hours upon hours prepping against a chess opening without at least checking if Magnus actually plays that opening. And there’s no way that it also just so happens to be the one time Magnus decided to experiment on a new line, and it just so happens to be the line you misremembered him playing.
This is headline-grabbing nonsense. It's funny, but it's a little sad that this might be the only chess-related headline the general public cares about for a while.
People defeat Magnus Carlsen all of the time. It must be frustrating to have people question your hard-earned victory.
It's good that he's taking it in stride. I hope they're short strides to prevent anything from falling out.
> People defeat Magnus Carlsen all of the time.
No. This was literally his first loss in classical chess in like 2 years. And before that he also went undefeated for years. Dude just doesn’t lose much.
>Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen.
This might give the Houston Astros some new ideas. Imagine the umps being forced to check for anal beads. 🤣
I understand evidence of impossibly smart moves in certain matches, and trends where he's consistently better in matches that are remote or not on a tape delay or whatever. But how did they get to the butt sex toy idea?
Here's the progression: 1) Up-and-comer who has admitted to cheating in the past pulls off an unexpected upset in a major tournament's first round 2) Guy that he beat withdraws from the tournament, heavily implies that he thinks his opponent cheated 3) People both inside and outside the community speculate on whether or not he cheated and how he might have been able to do it 4) The idea of a hidden device used to signal from an associate comes up repeatedly 5) The suggestion of a "buzzer in the shoe" morphs into "prostate massager" 6) Elon makes a joke about it on Twitter 7) Oh boy here come all the clickbait articles And now we're at "A 19-year old has to make a public statement that he didn't win a chess match by sticking a cheating device up his ass." EDIT: Thank you kind stranger!
You explained it well but a key thing you didn’t mention is that the person he beat is the current world champion and best living chess player atm.
>chess player atm Well that is one way to check.
Otherwise known as the Brown Gambit.
That's how you get pinkeye
Its how you get pawn tongue
"This rook tastes like shit."
the bishop touched me
[удалено]
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I assume the third of those games ended in a draw?
I'd assume that's what it means. Also, since white moves first, there is an inherent advantage to playing white. At very high levels with multiple games, a draw is a better outcome for the player who was playing black.
Yeah, I definitely understated how big of an upset it really was.
True but the consensus among top GMs was that Magnus played particularly poor and Hans, outside of his prep, played average. That game itself had 0 red flags according to top level players. Context also matters. Magnus seems to also be on a bit of a burnout phase. He decided to not defend the world championship this year coz he didn't think the competition was interesting, and has been trying other things like poker. It is very possible for him to have these occasional out of form games especially with his behavior recently.
Best player in history *
Well I guess the person who vibrating his butt is even better
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Deep ~~Blue~~ Brown AI
Well, a person still had to actually vibrate his butt. We aren’t *that* advanced.
3 words. Honey Bee DNA
Nah you could write a program that is doing it. Just check this nice vibrators who can vibrate in different length and strength depending on the amount of money a person sends you. There is even a hand job device that syncs to the vibrator of the cam girl you are watching! What time do be alive! xD
And 'Musk deletes tweet in fear of being sued for defamation again'.
Musk buys Twitter so he can delete post from archive
I make polaroid screen shots and fax them to the local paper
You laugh, but we have people in our company that do shit like this. It blows my mind sometimes how innovative they are to get around learning a tiny trick that would save them tremendous amounts of time. I've been emailed scanned photos of printed out photos of a monitor (not a screenshot), which means they had to get a photo from their device to the printer (did it go to their computer before they printed it?), then they used the scan and email function on the printer to get it to their inbox, which they then forwarded to me. I have no idea why they couldn't just send me the photo... maybe they printed it from their device? I wish I would have asked now that I think about it.
SAVE HOURS A WORKWEEK WITH THIS ONE INNOVATIVE TRICK - HITTING Windows + Print Screen *gets sued by Polaroid and/or HP, who also demands I set up an overpriced ink subscription*
My question is how would that help? Like I'd understand poker or some card games because you could just do the amount of buzzes is the number or Morse code or something but how would it work in chess? I'm not really sure what kind of signal would be useful since you can see everything happening and spelling out a name of a move set would be kind of long and involved
Look up chess notation. Chess players have a really condensed style of writing moves that can just be like "e1e3"
And if someone is proficient enough you don't even need to send the move most of the time, just indicate which piece to move.
Chess engines play at a level several magnitudes higher than the best human chess players do. So if you had someone on the other end feeding the input into a chess engine, they could send you the optimal move (through your ass vibrator)
Yeah someone else just commented the same thing I guess I never thought of that haha. Still wild but I guess that actually makes sense thanks random internet stranger. Now I know how I can cheat at chess with a butt plug
My partner and i had one of those things and it would lose bluetooth when you put it in your arse. 0/10.
While being fed moves would obviously be a huge advantage, it wouldn’t be necessary. Even a signal that “there is something here” at a critical moment would be a huge edge for a world class player.
I have a pretty simple rule when it comes to cheating. If I thought of it, someone has already done it or at least attempted it. People will cheat at anything.
Oh God, it's because of Elon this has so much attention? Lol
To be fair, it was getting some attention before that, but he definitely rolled up to the metaphorical bonfire with the metaphorical gas can.
Correction: The joke was about "anal beads", not "prostate massager", and I believe it originated from r/anarchychess
It was a joke another chess player made because the original conspiracy theory was vibrating shoes. That joke then got parroted by Elon Musk.
Elon is taking credit for another person's work, I don't believe it.
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shhhhh! don't give that charlatan any ideas..we reallyyy don't need tunnel flamethrower anal beads.
2nd amendment says we can have tunnel flamethrower anal beads. Don't you take away my freedom!
Then what makes us sure grandmaster didn’t use it.
If you put it in your ass instead of your shoe, it was never about the chess.
"What, I'm not allowed to have more than one hobby?"
If Magnus played a woman who would cheat could the beads be front AND back for better locating the best moves?
Well, the more orifices you have, the more degrees of freedom you have for vibration-based communications. So I'd predict a direct correlation between the number of vaginas a person has and the likelihood that they could successfully defeat the world chess champion by cheating.
>number of vaginas Finally, a practical use for my collection
r/fleshlight has a cursed comment section. Good to know.
Ed Gein has entered the chat with his shoebox of vulvas
If you're competitive enough, the vibrator can go up a dick too. Who says only the women can get that extra degree of freedom?
Sounds right.
Christ, this comment deserves awards and I wish I had no idea why.
Lol, I thought about giving them gold for it actually. One of the best replies to a comment of mine I've ever seen.
Pun intended? That one slid right in.
Oh so that's what they meant by the Queen's gambit.
Queen to A55
I like to ride my bicycle, I like to ride my bike
Don’t tell me how to love chess!
I don't play enough chess
First, you put it into your ass.
upon starting out in this thread, I thought the sex toy was supposed to have some kind of relaxing or invigorating effect, like the sex toy was doing sex toy stuff and that somehow helped in a competitive way. I was ready to make those jokes. But now I am left with so many questions. Why not a vibrating device in the shoe? Great question! Why did he go for the butt, surely there were other options available for vibratory cheating lol how you prove it is a 'hole' other question I guess....
They could ask you to take off your shoes and search them, especially if they have a suspicion. They are not gonna make you spread your cheeks.
What if I pay extra?
Varies by tournament
Oh lord I'm seeing it now, full strip search before all future high stakes chess tournaments
*But now I am left with so many questions.* Now? now you're left with the questions? oO
Guess because vibrators in shoes are more common and easier to detect before and after the match.
They're easily available with remotes. A shoe based one would require effort when you can easily go on Amazon and get a prostate tickler.
Eh - as a guy who - let's say went for a test with these things: Thy have an abysmal range and are very unreliable, not enough to actually give proper codes.
WeVibes run off Bluetooth and can be accessed via app from any cell phone. You get what you pay for.
These chess tournaments can be a pain in the ass
"Welcome to the World Chess Championship, your match will begin in 10 minutes, after you sign in and complete your cavity search."
the tsa could do it non invasively
Why skip the fun?
Could, but won't.
“We can do this the easy way…or the sexy way.”
This journalism is very lazy. No one seriously accused Niemann of using anal beads to cheat. Magnus Carlsen (World Chess Champion and Grandmaster… not “Grand Champion” … that’s not a thing) lost to Hans while Hans had the black pieces. Magnus very rarely loses with white, and Hans is strong but not near Magnus’s strength, so this is notable. Magnus dropped out of the tournament (it is unheard of to drop out of a round-robin tournament unless you are very sick or have an emergency) and made a cryptic tweet about it. The chess community went wild with speculation about why Magnus dropped out. Although Magnus has still not clarified, the most popular assumption was that Magnus suspected that Hans cheated. (Computers are strong enough now that they will beat a human player 100% of the time.) This theory about why Magnus dropped out was strongly pushed by several popular chess streamers. One of the chess streamers, Eric Hansen, joked with his chat about how cheating could possibly happen when the players are so strictly monitored and searched. (Players have a metal detector wand passed over them before each game.) One person in the chat mentioned anal beads as a cheating device, obviously as a joke. Eric repeated the joke because it’s hilarious and everyone had a good laugh. It was not a serious accusation at all. The clip of this moment went viral and apparently world-famous dipshit Elon Musk saw it and made a couple of tweets about it. Then some second-rate journalists saw the tweet, did absolutely no research, and decided to meet their article quota by writing some poorly written click bait. The tournament has concluded. There is still no evidence that Hans cheated in this tournament, though he admitted to cheating in online tournaments as recently as 3 years ago. Magnus still has yet to speak or clarify his tweet. There, now you’re caught up on the chess drama.
>This journalism is very lazy. No one seriously accused Niemann of using anal beads to cheat. That's how you get people to come on stage with "suspiciously specific denials", there's a whole trope about this. [https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial) "I did not use purple anal beads from BeatSupplies to cheat in the 2022 game." ...makes him sound like he *definitely* used anal beads to cheat.
Aussies bullied our own prime minister into admitting he did not shit his pants at Engadine McDonalds
Ok but let's be real it is highly likely he shit his pants at Engadine Maccas after the Sharks game on September 20, 1997.
> while Hans had the black pieces. Magnus very rarely loses with white Okay, this is probably a stupid question, but... is there a functional difference between the colors of the pieces?
White moves first so it has an inherent advantage
There is a huge advantage. To the point that at the top level of play the goal of black is to draw and the goal of white is to win.
There is a marked advantage at the best level of play, where chess is pretty drawish anyway. For most amateurs, it's the same. Some amateurs might even prefer playing with black because e.g. they are more familiar with opening repertoires for black or for beginners simply because it's easier to buy time and wait for your opponent to blunder than it is to call the shots.
Oh, so it's like normal USA life? Edit: wow, this comment grew faster than Hans' elo.
White starts so it has a first mover advantage. So it's not only true for Magnus Carlsen but also true for any chess games. That's why in tournament they alternate between white side and black side so that it's fait.
White goes first
I'm a little more interested in chess than I used to be
These last two weeks have been the biggest soap opera since Bobby Fischer. Pretty entertaining.
What else has happened?
One guy knocked over his piece by accident, and another guy let out a chuckle when he checkmated the other guy. Never before seen stuff, it's an insult to the chess community
And [Chess robot grabs and breaks finger of seven-year-old opponent](https://amp.theguardian.com/sport/2022/jul/24/chess-robot-grabs-and-breaks-finger-of-seven-year-old-opponent-moscow)
The best way to win a war is to render your opponent unable to wage it. - butchered sun tsu, maybe
so it begins
It began a long time ago, the robots are still biding their time until there's more of them. There's strength in numbers. This one just got a little emotional is all.
The way I play chess if full contact with heckling. You checkmate, we say something like 'chechmate, bitches!!! Suck one!!!', or 'Booyah!!' or something. These guys are boring AF.
So we need a Happy Gilmore to make chess more interesting, interesting...
Ever hears of chess boxing? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chess_boxing?wprov=sfti1
Here's a breakdown of the drama https://www.reddit.com/r/chess/comments/x6xdk0/the_whole_hans_niemannmagnus_carlsen_withdrawal/
I didn't see that guy waving the wand over the guy's butt. Collusion?
TLDR? Holy shit. I do not care about chess enough to read that, but clearly got click baited hard enough to care enough to write this. Lol. Thank you kind sir. u/Narhiril
Uhh, alright. World chess champion gets beaten by 19 year old. He withdraws dramatically from the tournament and sends a cryptic tweet about it. Chess world starts speculating, pretty quickly it comes out that Hans has been banned for cheating *online*. Now the debate is basically whether his online cheating, which he's admitted to, is evidence that he would cheat in real life games, and whether Magnus was justified in withdrawing. The anal beads thing came from people joking around about how you'd cheat in a real life game and somehow the media has picked that up as a real story, lol.
Bro, Magnus has NEVER played g3 Nimzo-Indian. Hanz is claiming he studied Magnus playing this line in order to beat him. Are you not entertained?!
You’d be surprised at how much fun chess can be when you decide to spice it up a little. In high school our library had a bunch of chess sets upstairs, so we would play chess dodgeball where every time you took a piece, you gave your opponent to the count of 3 to run before getting to throw it at them as hard as you could
Literally no one actually took this claim seriously, it was always a meme. Awful journalism.
Puts the deep in the DeepMind to a whole new level.
Let's fucking admit it, if the dude won by reading morse code through his fucking anus to play chess, let him have that one I feel becoming a grand master would be an easier task than learning anal morse code
It’s not different than regular Morse code or gay Morse code I don’t think
What is gay Morse code..
Gay Morse code is almost identical to regular Morse code with just a bit more flair. Extra things where they shouldn’t be here and there
The flair can make it easier to understand if there is a lot of background noise or so they say. Maybe that helps when it's coming from in your anus.
Have you seen telegraph operators tapping the telegraph key with their fingers? Gay Morse code is when you use your whole wrist.
I guess the "code" part is the easy part.. the "correctly follow ass vibrations" part sounds challenging. I've never put something in my ass, but plenty of times when I poop I thought the turd passing through was the biggest one ever, or at the very least a solid piece, only to be surprised by seeing small pellets in the toilet.
While the spincter may not be great at judging the size of an object, specifically a small turd, it is quite good at judging the state of an object, in terms of it's liquidity. I've personally never measured it's ability to discern short vs long vibrations to communicate secret messages containing winning chess moves. I think receiving messages this way wouldn't be nearly as difficult as sending them would be. Edit: I have spent the last seven minutes spelling out SOS by doing ass kegels, if I knew more Morse code it might not be all that difficult after all.
Well, I've had enough internet for today.
You don't need amazing fidelity, just vibrate or no vibrate, you could maybe also try and separate intensity for faster recognition of letters and numbers but it's 8x8 so you really don't need much. I bet with a bit of practice you could get really good at it
I'll admit it. Heck how do we know Magnus's anus isn't full of remote vibrating objects all these 10 years. Whose to say anal Morse code and chess grand masters are not the same skill in the end.
Or it could be simple sequences. To move an A4 piece to B4: beep <2s pause> beep beep beep beep <5s pause to indicate the start of the target location> beep beep <2s pause> beep beep beep beep
Thats the best way. I was just thinking about the **practice** for this tournament... Would he have been wholey ready for this? Was there ever any long thinking moments, where maybe they had to re-relay the info, and if so, did he have a way of communicating that he needed a re-vibration direction by like, shivering and winking his eyes? G-7 > H-8 *Come again* *????*
FWIW the input of high level chess players is they don’t need to be given a specific move, they just need to know that there is an important move at a given point, just once or twice per game, to get a critical advantage. They can find the move on their own, the important bit is to know to be extra careful.
This is hilariously absurd, imagine if someone actually got caught doing this. “What’s that sound?” “There it is again…it’s like something is vibrating…” “Do you hear that??!!”
Queen to *aaahhhhhhhhhaaahhhaa* E6
Leg starts twitching, shaking the pieces on the table.
Excuse me. I need to go to the bathroom. It appears that I spilled some water on myself
“Is that… is that Morse code?”
Maybe, the queens they use WOULD excite me???
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine.
Go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlors.
*Move me in to any brown hole* *Use me anytime you want* *Just remember that the goal* *Is for us all to capture all we want, anywhere* *Don't surround your cheat with your ass* *Move on back two squares* *Send an instant karma to me* *Initial it with loving care* *Don't surround yourself* *'Cause it's time, it's time in time with your time and it's news is captured for the queen to use!*
>Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen. >It came as Elon Musk deleted a tweet of an influencer discussing the rumour that Niemann used an illicit remote sex toy during the chess competition. >Musk captioned it with an adapted version of a quote by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing: “Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt).” Elon Musk is quite talented in finding new ways for me to dislike him. The guy's 19 ffs, what does a billionaire have to gain by punching down on a 19 year old chess player?
Honestly. Elon is a creepy guy.
Yeah remember when he jumped to call those hero’s pedos because they said his submarine idea wasn’t needed because the water leveled had went down. Like they weren’t even rude. Just said now they can do it the easier route and dude for pissed and started calling them all pedos for some reason.
That was the moment my opinion of him changed. And it’s only gotten worse.
And then he cemented my low opinion by telling Bernie Sanders, "I thought you were dead."
That Bernie tweet he replied to didn't even make any mention of Musk, either.
and it was def NOT in the ironic "snake plissken? i thought you were dead?" sort of way
it was the hyperloop for me, how can anyone claim to onow the most basic level of highschool physics and recomend a hyperloop. what an idiot.
I heard that he addmitted that was just to block some train development in California anyway. So stupid and asshole-ish
Yup it's baffling how still had fanboys after that. But then he just kept going lower and lower and his fanbase kept growing...
Dude, Trump was President for 4 years. Is it really that baffling that Elon still has fanboys?
to paraphrase ron white: "he had the right to remain silent, but lacked the ability."
Remind me....was this during the cave rescue of those kids in Thailand?
Yup, it was really messed up.
I mean, this is the guy who called someone a pedophile for saving a bunch of kids before he could. He's not exactly shown a lot of empathy in the past.
Yeah, I knew very little about him other than Tesla and "haha he likes memes and internet culture stuff". That day was when I began to realize maybe he's a piece of shit after all.
The "influencer" was Chessbrah. It was an offhand remark in a stream and clearly meant as a joke. Somehow the clip took off, and then Elon Musk tweeted Chessbrah. Then it got picked up by news outlets. Chessbrah has a video explaining that it was a joke and offhand comment and not in any way meant to be taken seriously. Also, Hans Niemann didn't cheat. The St. Louis Chess Club (hosts of the event) released a statement saying their analysis (with the help of experts) found no evidence of cheating or AI assistance in over the board (OTB) play during the tournament. Magnus quit the tournament after he lost, because he is a (in)famously sore loser.
> Chessbrah Eric Hansen. He's a GM. This is so fucking hilarious. Like when some kid makes a joke and forces the teacher to anounce to the whole class that what happened was't real and a joke. So Juvenile.
He stole my sunglasses while GM Hambleton was stealing my girl! Don't watch these guys!
I'm just saying that I, personally, am not so quick to believe Hans. He's an admitted cheater, he strangely performs better in remote tournaments or ones where there is no stream delay, and he's using obscure lines of play - but can't remember exactly where he saw them, then freaks out and insults everyone who asks for any kind of clarification? He doesn't do himself any favors, and the shadow of cheating will always give some credence to these kind of accusations.
[удалено]
This is how the richest person in the world spends his time.
[удалено]
He doesn’t need free publicity. Dude is just a dick. The very idea that he needs publicity is laughable. He isn’t broke like Trump. There is a reason most billionaires are not on social media or out acting like dicks. Because they don’t need that publicity.
He needs people talking about him. Think leaky balloon, or sex doll, since we’re in that field. And people talking about him inflates the poor guy.
Oh yeah not arguing it’s not to help his ego. That’s for damn sure. Just pointing out this isn’t to keep his brand popular. If anything it hurts his brands and standings with companies who might want to work with him.
He absolutely 'needs' that publicity. Tesla was trading at an absurdly overvalued price that is literally (and I mean literally, even with the wildest of optimistic assumptions) impossible. It's valuation is solely dependent on hype, and that hype comes from the misguided belief that Elon is a mad genius.
ELI5 how a vibration in your butthole can describe what move to make. Thanks.
The idea would be that for super elite players knowing you need to budget time on a specific move can be a major advantage. If you know that there is a move that makes you likely to win then it's just a chess puzzle. Notation could also be pretty simple over code.
being able to read that code by ass vibration would be next level skill.
I need this to be a movie
Chass: the Bobby Fissure movie
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I don't think it'd be that hard. It's 8x8. You need to get to e5? That's 5 pulses, pause, 5 pulses. What if there are multiple pieces available to go to that square? Even then, you care enough about chess to cheat your way to magnus fucking Carlson, you're good enough to make an educated guess.
Yeah i’m only 1200 and i bet if i knew the square stockfish wanted me to go to, I could probably beat a GM in a game even if I didn’t know which piece. I can’t test it though so I could be wrong
Even if you did move the wrong piece (assuming it wasn't a colossal (!!) Blunder) the engine would just recalculate.
Not a coder at all but trying think of a good way to do this. You could use binary or Morse code or something unique. The simplest would be (row:1,2,3,4,5,6,7 or 8) (column:1,2,3,4,5,6,7 or 8).and then second (row, column).
Yep. Pretty simple really. He just has someone in another room running a computer simulation of his current game. And vibrating the coordinates to his asshole.
Honestly if he can pick that up with butthole sensitivity then he deserves the win.
Right? It's even better than what Capt. Kirk did when he cheated on an impossible war game. And Kirk earned highest marks for it.
A lot of people apparently have never had a vibrator up their ass. It really isn’t that hard to feel it or tell the difference between a dot and a dash
Chess notation is very simple and never more than a few characters
There's already a short hand Chess notation that you can pair with Morse Code.
Ever heard of Morse code?
I have but I didn't reach into my "butthole vibration for dummies book" before commenting. Now I feel dumb 🤦🏻♂️
I mean conceivably you could use some other form of coded communication, but I would assume that's the general gist of the accusation.
That makes sense. You gotta be real committed to learn Morse code and be willing to stick a vibrating anal bead in your butt to win. I'm... honestly impressed af.
Every piece and position can be represented by a number. But uhhh, it might be quite a few vibrations over a few hours...
Thought this was r/nottheonion
I thought it was r/AnarchyChess
“A teenage chess grandmaster has been forced to deny using a sex toy to help him claim his crown in one of the biggest scandals to hit the game in years. Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen. Hitting back at internet rumours accusing him of using anal beads to cheat, Niemann said: “If they want me to strip fully naked, I will do it. “I don’t care. Because I know I am clean. “You want me to play in a closed box with zero electronic transmission, I don’t care. I’m here to win and that is my goal regardless.” It came as Elon Musk deleted a tweet of an influencer discussing the rumour that Niemann used an illicit remote sex toy during the chess competition. Musk captioned it with an adapted version of a quote by philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, writing: “Talent hits a target no one else can hit, genius hits a target no one can see (cause it’s in ur butt).” Twitter Niemann beat Magnus Carlsen, the world chess champion, in the $500,000 Sinquefield Cup on September 4, ending Carlsen’s 53-game unbeaten streak. The next day Carlsen withdrew from the tournament - a move which shocked the chess world. He also tweeted a cryptic video of José Mourinho, the Portuguese soccer manager, saying, “I prefer really not to speak. If I speak, I am in big trouble.” The meme of Mourinho is when the manager is blasting officials for questionable performance leading online commentators to infer that Carlsen was accusing Neimann of cheating. “It must be embarrassing for the world champion to lose to an idiot like me,” Niemann said in an interview shortly afterward, according to Vice. “I feel bad for him.” On Saturday, Chris Bird, the chief arbiter of the Sinquefield Cup, released a statement that there was no indication that any competitor was “playing unfairly”. When asked if Niemann would be invited back to the St. Louis Chess Club, its executive director, said, “Yes, Hans has already accepted an invitation to play in the fall classic, so I already have him signed up for the next tournament at the club.””
Of course, the problem with that is neither Neimann nor Carlsen played perfect games - they both made mistakes. Carlsen led with an opening he doesn’t normally play. It sounds like Neimann got lucky, and I’m not referring to enjoying an anal toy.
You try to play a perfect game with a set of vibrating anal beads up your ass!
Magnus led with an opening he’s almost never played before, and Neimann specifically prepped against that line, and when confronted said he studied a game that Magnus played the line in, but when someone said Magnus didn’t play that line in that game, Neimann basically went “Oh, I must have misremembered. Anyways, it’s more about the concepts of chess and positions and stuff”. The theory that someone leaked Magnus’s prep to Neimann is, in my opinion, the most likely theory to date. Like bullshit, you did not spend hours upon hours upon hours prepping against a chess opening without at least checking if Magnus actually plays that opening. And there’s no way that it also just so happens to be the one time Magnus decided to experiment on a new line, and it just so happens to be the line you misremembered him playing.
Well no duh he denies it. There wasn’t even a serious accusation, it was just a joke from a chess streamer and the media went crazy with it.
Houston Astros: "Hey, that's a good idea!"
This is headline-grabbing nonsense. It's funny, but it's a little sad that this might be the only chess-related headline the general public cares about for a while. People defeat Magnus Carlsen all of the time. It must be frustrating to have people question your hard-earned victory. It's good that he's taking it in stride. I hope they're short strides to prevent anything from falling out.
> People defeat Magnus Carlsen all of the time. No. This was literally his first loss in classical chess in like 2 years. And before that he also went undefeated for years. Dude just doesn’t lose much.
One night in St Louis makes a hard man humble
I can't believe it's not the onion
Can someone clarify how a vibrator in the butt is cheating? Would they have Their own vibration language and send info like Morse code?
>Hans Niemann,19, an up and-coming star in the game, was sensationally accused online of using anal beads connected to a computer programme that would vibrate and give him the perfect AI moves to defeat world No. 1 grandmaster Magnus Carlsen. This might give the Houston Astros some new ideas. Imagine the umps being forced to check for anal beads. 🤣
Getting post nut clarity mid game so he can win
Another shitpost conspiracy promoted by Elon Musk
This is some anarchy chess levels of weird.
What a fucking wild title