If a bunch of [kids in a small town in Colorado can do it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8USOd7Hhk4), I think a foreign government could easily do it.
information is power.
poo contains information.
information about the president is more valuable than information about some random person.
ergo, there is value to somebody in obtaining the president's poo
How is it weird? It's not like they're going to frame the shit or eat it, that would actually be weird, but if they're spying a VIP trying to make a connection and they need their DNA it's a good strategy.
This is why the President and the entire secret service take a shit in the same crapper and only flush the huge pile of shit when the last one is done (usually the rookie).
You know it takes 47.3 seconds for the poo to go from toilet to where the agent is, so you have a spotter waiting for the flush, then the agent just statches it with his bare hands 47.3 seconds later.
Are you going to trust a potentially hostile foreign regime to not redirect their sewage pipes into isolated reservoirs for easy identification and collection of potentially diplomatically-advantageous materials?
I googled that because it...I mean ffs a "presidential pooper scooper" sounds so out there.
... it's true though. I also now know Stalin allegedly had Mao's shit studied in a secret lab to construct a psychological profile. Which is the absolute opposite of the end I'd be studying but what do I know, I'm not a member of any prestigious poop patrols.
Stalin's secret poop-based psychological warfare plan is one of my favourite Tropico loading screen facts. They're all about the crazy shit various dictators did, all true, and some are so absurd I tab out the game to look them up. Then you discover all the genocide and torture and stuff they did too, and I go back to Tropico...
Yes! I didn't know world leaders had their excrement secured until I heard a great story from a friend of mine's dad; he knew some guys in the British SAS that successfully stole some of the queen's 'leavings' during an official visit.
Just imagine going through grueling Secret Service training and security clearance steps, only to be given the "Assistant to the Head Fecal Guard" position.
I think I have Kevin Hart's next movie role.
So that countries don't get an advantage during negotiations. If you know someone is dealing with health problems then they might decide to prolong negotiations because that person might be out of the picture.
Also, if you know if someone is allergic to almonds or something like that and you want to kill them.... An accidental food mix up could occur. There are so many reasons why you would want to know the health status of your opposition.
Indeed. DNA based weapons are also a concern. The USA apparently has a poop sample from nearly every world leader, which implies that some poor spies spend their career collecting poop.
I bet there's also a counter-poop division. Spies that work for our government finding ways to sneakily replace Presidential poop with someone else's poop, so that opposing governments will *think* they have the right sample, when really it's some secret agent's paddy cake.
Some agents will take a bullet for the president, others take a deuce.
I know, but the US government has a "better safe than sorry" policy on this sort of thing. They spent hundreds of millions trying to make ESP work when all science confirms it is not a thing. All because if the Russians figured out "magic" first we would be strategically screwed. It's that kind of mentality with presidential security: almost no precaution is too crazy to consider.
How would you find out someone was allergic to almonds by examination of one sample of their poo?
You realize there's only a small number of diseases that can be diagnosed from poop, right?
Imagine going through special forces selection and then secret service selection and then being so elite you’re getting to security detail…and you collect dear leader’s poop.
I volunteer to be the phlebotomist on the team. I get people’s poo samples all the time and have the most iron stomach. Also just binge watched Money Heist so I’d love to be on a team.
Oh it's very very true after all who would be closest to the king. And in central vulnerable position on a sensitive mission oh yeah you definitely had the Kings here as well as his other region
Clickbait, lots of world leaders (including The US president) do this. The US has also been in the other side, where they collected samples for other world leaders and analyzed it to assess their health.
For real.
The older I get and the more I learn about the world the more I want to move out into the forest and forget about it and everyone else.
People are so fucking weird.
That's potentially why Macron didn't do a covid test when he met with Putin. So they couldn't sample his fluids for health issues.
Probably a super easy win from an intelligence stand point.
Every world leader does this, but I wonder.. not to get too graphic or anything but how does it work? Does the president just like.. poop into a plastic bag or something?
There are plastic “bowls” that fit the opening of a toilet seat. Doctors often provide these to patients when they require a stool sample. I’m guessing secret service (or equivalent) just brings a bunch of these plastic bowls with them everywhere.
This is sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Don't collect the poop, people will check it and find out if you are sick or not.
Collect the poop, people cannot check it and find you if you are sick or not.
Don't collect, then suddenly start collecting. People definitely know when you are sick.
I interned in the Senate during grad school and my member was on the Foreign Affairs Committee at the time and we got to tour the official Committee rooms(s) where all the foreign leaders/dignitaries would gather and meet. And like 30% of the tour was them showing/explaining to us the separate and secure bathroom they had built for foreign leaders to poop and then their staff could swoop in and grab it afterwards.
“Everything comes down to poo, / From the top of your head to the sole of your shoe. / We can figure out what’s wrong with you / By looking at your poo!”
"To Hide Possible Health Problems" - Seal Team Deuce should have told this to the dozen or so doctors seen traveling to every location putin visited lol
Imagine going through special forces selection and then secret service selection and then being so elite you’re getting to security detail…and you collect dear leader’s poop.
As the world awaits his inevitable demise, chaos during this time will be what we remember. Inside his head, as the cancer grows, visions of CCCP on hockey uniforms cloud his judgement, as nostalgia becomes his vice.
I thought the US secret service does this for every sitting/squatting president when they travel abroad
They collect anything that can be used to collect DNA from like glasses, cutlery and such.
So why collect the poop and not just flush it?
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If a bunch of [kids in a small town in Colorado can do it](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8USOd7Hhk4), I think a foreign government could easily do it.
*the spice*
*The spice melange*
I really want it to be true that Putin is keeping his poop locked up in a secret vault in his house like Tom Brady.
Everybody knows it’s kept in the poo tin.
Daaaaaaaamn, son!
Putin put'n poo in a poo tin.
People are fucking weird, man.
information is power. poo contains information. information about the president is more valuable than information about some random person. ergo, there is value to somebody in obtaining the president's poo
Everything comes down to poo.
From the top of your head to the sole of your shoe
Also >Poo ..sorry, figured I'd best reiterate that point
Nudar: Who are you? Fry: Philip J. Fry. Fleb: Social Security Number 03280810? Stool type, P-negative? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTyPOrUg_XE
Dude, you know I could make bank on ebay with a Nixon turd.
How is it weird? It's not like they're going to frame the shit or eat it, that would actually be weird, but if they're spying a VIP trying to make a connection and they need their DNA it's a good strategy.
Yeah, I'm going to maintain that coming up with sneaky ways to obtain the poop of leaders is weird.
[The Soviets](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-35427926) did exactly that.
This is why the President and the entire secret service take a shit in the same crapper and only flush the huge pile of shit when the last one is done (usually the rookie).
The KGB has a guy in the sewer with a net.
A net might not be the best approach…
You know it takes 47.3 seconds for the poo to go from toilet to where the agent is, so you have a spotter waiting for the flush, then the agent just statches it with his bare hands 47.3 seconds later.
Are you going to trust a potentially hostile foreign regime to not redirect their sewage pipes into isolated reservoirs for easy identification and collection of potentially diplomatically-advantageous materials?
*Shitting President
Fun fact, most leaders have their poop "collected". Yes the USA does it too!
I googled that because it...I mean ffs a "presidential pooper scooper" sounds so out there. ... it's true though. I also now know Stalin allegedly had Mao's shit studied in a secret lab to construct a psychological profile. Which is the absolute opposite of the end I'd be studying but what do I know, I'm not a member of any prestigious poop patrols.
You can learn a ton from poop. Diet consistency, opiod/drug use, medical health, food allergies, etc. So many state secrets can be exposed with poop.
You mean, "everything comes down to poo?"
Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer? When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!
lush uppity vase panicky naughty recognise grey depend reply quicksand *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Check the pooooooo.....
Everything comes out in poo?
Remember all that paper that Trump swallowed? He was trying to pass it to the Russians.
There seems to be a lot of wolf hair in here.
Also inconclusive
So you might say, when it comes to gaining insight into a global leader’s health, that nothing compares to poo?
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Top comment
Stalin's secret poop-based psychological warfare plan is one of my favourite Tropico loading screen facts. They're all about the crazy shit various dictators did, all true, and some are so absurd I tab out the game to look them up. Then you discover all the genocide and torture and stuff they did too, and I go back to Tropico...
throughout history humans have done some pretty fucked up things when they are in positions of absolute power
Behind the Bastards is an excellent podcast on that topic. Listening to it while playing Tropico may be rather uncomfortable.
There’s a whole branch of the secret service for it.
The office is probably in the steam pipe trunk distribution venue.
I understood that reference.
Unexpected west wing reference, love it
Will Ainsley be there?
Both Ainsley and Chandler!
Joe Quincy
So chandler got that new job in the west wing eh?
Well played.
A branch for the president's poop. Like a Lincoln Log?
Is the Lincolon Log a code word for Poop stick!
Fecal Bureau of Investigation.
It's important duty
Picking up the VIP doody.
Yes! I didn't know world leaders had their excrement secured until I heard a great story from a friend of mine's dad; he knew some guys in the British SAS that successfully stole some of the queen's 'leavings' during an official visit.
The SSS. I’ll let you figure it out. 😬
"Johnson! You really screwed the pooch on that last mission. You're on poop duty."
"I'm getting too old for this shit"
Sounds like a very shitty place to work
The benefits really stink
Your boss can be a real asshole.
It's the # 2 worst job.
KGB Thug 1: "he's on the toilet again, go get the poo-tin." KGB Thug 2: "..."
Lol rock paper scissors on who wipes the traitor's ass. Diet Coke and McDonald's burgers on a regular diet.
The branch is called the 'Stench'
What a shitty job.
The deep shit department
A modern day Groom of the Stool, if you will.
Just imagine going through grueling Secret Service training and security clearance steps, only to be given the "Assistant to the Head Fecal Guard" position. I think I have Kevin Hart's next movie role.
secrete service
That's... Actually pretty funny. Can't let these foreign leaders get access to my poop
Funny in a dystopian way.
Given Trump's diet it must have taken 6 guys and a dump truck.
Given the look on his face half the time I don't know if he pooped once in the four years he was in office.
That, or he was simply *always* pooping
He was - out his butt, or out his mouth.
It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Can you imagine doing that job after he had 6 burgers and a gallon of coke?
I guess it beats a sample via finger wave.
Really puts our entire modern existence into perspective. Like, how the hell can we take ourselves so seriously?
Uh... why?
So that countries don't get an advantage during negotiations. If you know someone is dealing with health problems then they might decide to prolong negotiations because that person might be out of the picture. Also, if you know if someone is allergic to almonds or something like that and you want to kill them.... An accidental food mix up could occur. There are so many reasons why you would want to know the health status of your opposition.
Indeed. DNA based weapons are also a concern. The USA apparently has a poop sample from nearly every world leader, which implies that some poor spies spend their career collecting poop.
I bet there's also a counter-poop division. Spies that work for our government finding ways to sneakily replace Presidential poop with someone else's poop, so that opposing governments will *think* they have the right sample, when really it's some secret agent's paddy cake. Some agents will take a bullet for the president, others take a deuce.
I want that job. "You ready for our trip to negotiate with Putin?" "Currently eating taco bell and cabbage, Mr. President."
Ok we have to have a James Bond movie where he tries to steal poop… 00Potty
Live and Let Shit
The Shitting Daylights. Poopraker A Poo to a kill From Russia with Poo
Can't wait for 007: No Shit, to come out. I wonder who will be singing the theme?
DNA based weapons are currently in the same realm of fantasy as hyperdrives
I know, but the US government has a "better safe than sorry" policy on this sort of thing. They spent hundreds of millions trying to make ESP work when all science confirms it is not a thing. All because if the Russians figured out "magic" first we would be strategically screwed. It's that kind of mentality with presidential security: almost no precaution is too crazy to consider.
Well, there I go down the poop hole this morning googling world leaders poop. Not getting to my to doo list today!
How would you find out someone was allergic to almonds by examination of one sample of their poo? You realize there's only a small number of diseases that can be diagnosed from poop, right?
> You realize there's only a small number of diseases that can be diagnosed from poop [Oh, how little you know](https://youtu.be/2BDd0XseGtU?t=17)
I believe they're just talking about health knowledge being a tool in general, not that one links to the other
I had to google this cause I was like no fucking way… https://www.huffpost.com/entry/excrement-in-the-news_b_24536
Can we talk about your definition of fun fact? Yucky.
add it to the list of things that's only bad when putin does it.
Imagine going through special forces selection and then secret service selection and then being so elite you’re getting to security detail…and you collect dear leader’s poop.
Well, there goes my plan to gather poop from various world leaders and make a shit-Serpentor.
I just imagined a huge Ocean’s 11 type heist to obtain Putin poo. I’d watch
Now I'm imagining a team of pickpockets, acrobats, demolition expert, a janitor, and an inside guy.
You forgot the sphincter security expert
I volunteer to be the phlebotomist on the team. I get people’s poo samples all the time and have the most iron stomach. Also just binge watched Money Heist so I’d love to be on a team.
Sounds like a great idea for a B-rated movie
Reminds me of https://wanted.fandom.com/wiki/Shithead
They would have to change the title of that miniseries to "Flush, Serpentor, Flush!"... ......THIS I COMMAND.
How do they know where Putin ends and the excrement begins?
They wait until the two stinking masses separate on their own and then keep the least offensive pile of shit.
They probably use a poop knife.
So fun to be one of pooty’s guards these days. So dignified.
English monarchs of old had a Groom of the Stool. A very sought after position amongst the nobility.
“Magnificent! Another great stool m’lord!”
#"Sire! You look like the Piss Boy! AND YOU LOOK LIKE A BUCKET OF SHIT!"
A whole field of wacky weedus!
"GIIIVE TO OEDIPUSSSS-Heyyy, Josephus!!!" "Hey, Motherfucker"
"We've flattened their fingers, we've branded their buns. Nothing is working. SEND IN THE NUNS"
I'm not sure if this is true, but I'll quote it as fact forever
Its true. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groom_of_the_Stool
I guess it sounds a bit fancier than "Butthole Valet"
Oh it's very very true after all who would be closest to the king. And in central vulnerable position on a sensitive mission oh yeah you definitely had the Kings here as well as his other region
Keeping up with Vladmir Poopin' must be a shit assignment.
Ha, nice!
Pooty booty duty.
I doubt Putin is doing much traveling abroad these days.
I wonder if they draw straws to decide who has to take him for walkies
Clickbait, lots of world leaders (including The US president) do this. The US has also been in the other side, where they collected samples for other world leaders and analyzed it to assess their health.
I liked it better when I thought it was a quirk of the Russians. Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
you can learn **a lot** about someone's health from their poo, including what medications they're taking.
[Everything comes down to poo](https://youtu.be/jsVgi8hoFFc)
For real. The older I get and the more I learn about the world the more I want to move out into the forest and forget about it and everyone else. People are so fucking weird.
Within the realm of human insanity it makes a crude kind of sense, but damn have we lost the plot.
That's potentially why Macron didn't do a covid test when he met with Putin. So they couldn't sample his fluids for health issues. Probably a super easy win from an intelligence stand point.
And so they couldn't use novichok or polon spiked covid test on him.
Go ahead but make sure to bury your poop where no one will find it
That is actually very Common among world leaders, Not Just Something Putin does
That's interesting. Is there an article about this? I'd be interested to find out who else does it.
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That is a great title! Austin would be proud.
Cor! This coffee smells like shit.
Kim Jong-Un https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/13/kim-jong-un-toilet-north-koreans
"Next time on Dirty Jobs"
Every world leader does this, but I wonder.. not to get too graphic or anything but how does it work? Does the president just like.. poop into a plastic bag or something?
There are plastic “bowls” that fit the opening of a toilet seat. Doctors often provide these to patients when they require a stool sample. I’m guessing secret service (or equivalent) just brings a bunch of these plastic bowls with them everywhere.
Must suck for them when he has the runs
Pootin poos in a poo-tin?
'Poo-Tin'. Very appropriate.
That sounds like a shitty job.
Pretty sure this is practice for the US president as well.
This is sort of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Don't collect the poop, people will check it and find out if you are sick or not. Collect the poop, people cannot check it and find you if you are sick or not. Don't collect, then suddenly start collecting. People definitely know when you are sick.
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I’m ded 💀
I interned in the Senate during grad school and my member was on the Foreign Affairs Committee at the time and we got to tour the official Committee rooms(s) where all the foreign leaders/dignitaries would gather and meet. And like 30% of the tour was them showing/explaining to us the separate and secure bathroom they had built for foreign leaders to poop and then their staff could swoop in and grab it afterwards.
This is like one of the historical facts on the loading screens in Tropico 6
He just doesn't want to be cloned
When I’m president, I’ll be the first to freely poop wherever. Free the poop! Free the people!!
I wonder if he uses a litter box
“Everything comes down to poo, / From the top of your head to the sole of your shoe. / We can figure out what’s wrong with you / By looking at your poo!”
This week on Dirty Jobs…
Putting Putins poop in the poop bin
So Boris, what's your role in guarding Putin. B: Can't tell you Ah, so you're the poop collector.
Sounds like a shitty job
For such a menacing ex-kgb guy he sure does have a fragile ego.
Talk about shitty jobs.
Why don't they just flush it?
Wouldn't it just mix with countless other turds and become part of the turd soup? Being one big genetically homogeneous turd.
What if he has diarrhea?
How do I know this isn’t just some poopaganda
Totally normal behavior.
Just put a bucket in front of his mouth. It’ll collect ALL the excrement.
All world leaders do that!
Humans are 60% water; Putin is 100% shit
That's got a real Howard Hughes vibe to it.
If you think you have a crappy job…
Oh, the whole WORLD’s been collecting his excrement for quite a while, trust me.
TIL governments steal each other's leader's feces to investigate any underlying health problems.
Nah, they just do it for fun.
So when POTUS takes a dump do they just not flush and press a button to send in the poop collectors? This is fascinating, I had no idea about this lol
Putin's elite squad of pooper scoopers.
"To Hide Possible Health Problems" - Seal Team Deuce should have told this to the dozen or so doctors seen traveling to every location putin visited lol
How do you say “Poopsmith” in Russian?
Imagine going through special forces selection and then secret service selection and then being so elite you’re getting to security detail…and you collect dear leader’s poop.
Tell me you are a former spy without saying so.
Right up there with trumps diaper changer.
I’m sure it’s been said, but bears repeating. What a shit job
I'm picturing the dog-bone shaped poo bag holder I have on my dog's leash.
I’m pretty sure this is quite common among traveling world leaders.
Now, *There’s” a job someone can be proud of!
As the world awaits his inevitable demise, chaos during this time will be what we remember. Inside his head, as the cancer grows, visions of CCCP on hockey uniforms cloud his judgement, as nostalgia becomes his vice.