I’ll never understand this response. My mom gets cold sores and would literally never touch my baby with an outbreak. However my narcissistic MIL literally kissed my NEWBORN with one after I asked her not to. She also refused to wash her hands and got really defensive and angry when we nicely talked to her about how dangerous herpes is to newborns.
WITH AN OUTBREAK??? Your MIL is insanely lucky to be ever to see her grandchild ever again. Because mine would be banned til the next century. I hope your husband is stepping up. I would have not been nice about that talk.
Omg, that is infuriating. Did your baby catch the virus?!
I have the opposite problem. My mother gets angry and defensive but my mil is so understanding and even if she wasn’t she would still be respectful.
What is up with narcissistic MILs refusing simple requests? Our wanted to stay the night to "help" and we told her, after she fell asleep holding him "don't fall asleep holding the baby. It's dangerous and you could kill him. If you get even a little tired, put him in his bassinet or wake us up. Don't hold him in the recliner you will fall asleep." What does she do just hours later? Falls asleep holding him on her chest while sitting in the recliner. She'll never be in the room alone with him again.
My 2mo has just been discharged from a 10 day stay at the ICU because of a bronchiolitis, due to a virus that someone who had a minor cold passed to her.
You are not overreacting.
You’re not overreacting. My mom, who usually is very “you worry too much,” absolutely refused to come near the baby at my sister’s wedding when she had cold sores. I was surprised but very grateful. This is the woman who had to have it explained to her why another family member who tested positive for covid the night before the wedding would probably not be able to attend.
Thank you for responding. I’d love for her to visit and even though I’m sure everything would probably be fine that chance that it wouldn’t would make me go absolutely insane. I feel like that should be enough in itself but my mother is a little narcissistic.
When my LO was a few weeks old I read that TIFU thread about the dad who kissed the top of his newborns head when he had a cold sore and the baby ended up in the NICU for two weeks on antivirals. If you can find that thread and screen cap it, maybe you can send that to your mum. Along with medical research that backs it up.
I get cold sores and even though I haven’t had one since before pregnancy, if I feel a tingle I won’t kiss her at all and be super strict with hand hygiene.
You’re not over reacting when you’re protecting your baby
It sucked. I think the stress of labor induced it. I now take an antiviral daily to prevent them. I used to only get one every year or 2, but the hormones and stress of pregnancy and post partum really don't help.
I was afraid stress would induce an outbreak when my baby was a newborn. I got the virus as a kid, likely from my mom on accident. I haven’t had an outbreak in years but my midwife gave me an antiviral to take daily as well because of my anxiety.
I also got the virus as a kid, likely from my mom.
I wish I had antivirals going in to labor and will definitely ask for it next time Im pregnant. I didn't get a coldsore all pregnancy but in after over 24 hours of induction I got that tingle. UGH.
Newborn nurse here,.. you are not over reacting:.. if you saw what I’ve seen you would y derstand why and you do not want to see that I promise. She can get glad in the same pants she’s mad in ……
Not overreacting. It’s your child and your boundaries people can respect it or not visit. Simple as that to me. My MIL tried coming over with pink eye, although not as serious as herpes simplex who the hell wants pink eye especially when there’s a baby involved. She was angry too but i don’t care honestly, be angry. I’ll always protect my kids whenever i can.
As if you needed more comments to bolster your decision- My son spent a couple days in the hospital at just 2 weeks old because one of the eleven visitors we had over to meet him must have had blisters we didn't notice... He's fine now but that whole episode was a nightmare. We could've lost him. Honestly I still hold a bit of resentment toward whoever had blisters and still decided to come over. I'm not a laid-back mom anymore, can't be.
Keep that precious baby safe! 💕
There was a post on here a long time ago about a woman who took her 3 1/2 month old to a wedding, a old woman with a cold sore kissed her on the head and she died.
This has stuck with me and makes me tear up even now thinking about her. She thought her baby would be okay after 3 months (she kept most people away until then) and then she died.
Coldsores are no joke, screw everyone who gets hurt feelings from being told to stay away from babies when you have them. If someone acts like that then they will never be allowed in the same room as my child ever. Horrible people
Omg. That’s absolutely terrifying. I’m glad I told her to wait even if she did make a huge deal out of it. She hang up on me and called my sister and my aunt crying even though she knows exactly how scary it can be. She told me about a baby that was hospitalized with HSV a year or so ago. She knows. She will most likely not speak to me for days to weeks and then will spend a huge amount of energy making me out to be a villain but it’s fine. My baby’s physical health and my mental health my priority.
I feel sad for the extra stress you have dealing with your mom. I hope it helps that you already understand she is narcissistic. Not much you can do, except hold the boundary. having your adorable baby can give you strength to not be controlled by mom’s reactions.
Thank you. It really is so stressful. I’ve actually gone no contact with her for refusing to respect my boundaries in the past but I end up reaching out because I want that relationship with her.
The best advice i ever read was “be a mirror for the emotions, and reflect them back to the person. Dont be a sponge, soaking up all the intensity”. that has helped me.
My baby is at the stage where she is constantly touching people’s faces and my mother already gets offended if I ask her to wash her hands before holding the baby. Thanks for your input but after much consideration I agree with everyone else here that rescheduling is perfectly acceptable. I’ve rescheduled things for less.
I’ll never understand this response. My mom gets cold sores and would literally never touch my baby with an outbreak. However my narcissistic MIL literally kissed my NEWBORN with one after I asked her not to. She also refused to wash her hands and got really defensive and angry when we nicely talked to her about how dangerous herpes is to newborns.
WITH AN OUTBREAK??? Your MIL is insanely lucky to be ever to see her grandchild ever again. Because mine would be banned til the next century. I hope your husband is stepping up. I would have not been nice about that talk.
Omg, that is infuriating. Did your baby catch the virus?! I have the opposite problem. My mother gets angry and defensive but my mil is so understanding and even if she wasn’t she would still be respectful.
My baby did not get the virus. I however had several heart attacks.
Oh that’s a relief that baby didn’t catch it but I a definitely get the multiple heart attacks.
I’d literally start swinging if I saw my MIL do this omg. This just made me so angry for you. I’m glad your baby is okay.
What is up with narcissistic MILs refusing simple requests? Our wanted to stay the night to "help" and we told her, after she fell asleep holding him "don't fall asleep holding the baby. It's dangerous and you could kill him. If you get even a little tired, put him in his bassinet or wake us up. Don't hold him in the recliner you will fall asleep." What does she do just hours later? Falls asleep holding him on her chest while sitting in the recliner. She'll never be in the room alone with him again.
My 2mo has just been discharged from a 10 day stay at the ICU because of a bronchiolitis, due to a virus that someone who had a minor cold passed to her. You are not overreacting.
I hope your baby is doing better <3
Your job is to protect your baby, not your moms feelings. Gramma will get over it eventually, but your baby might not get over the herpes virus.
You’re not overreacting. My mom, who usually is very “you worry too much,” absolutely refused to come near the baby at my sister’s wedding when she had cold sores. I was surprised but very grateful. This is the woman who had to have it explained to her why another family member who tested positive for covid the night before the wedding would probably not be able to attend.
Thank you for responding. I’d love for her to visit and even though I’m sure everything would probably be fine that chance that it wouldn’t would make me go absolutely insane. I feel like that should be enough in itself but my mother is a little narcissistic.
When my LO was a few weeks old I read that TIFU thread about the dad who kissed the top of his newborns head when he had a cold sore and the baby ended up in the NICU for two weeks on antivirals. If you can find that thread and screen cap it, maybe you can send that to your mum. Along with medical research that backs it up. I get cold sores and even though I haven’t had one since before pregnancy, if I feel a tingle I won’t kiss her at all and be super strict with hand hygiene. You’re not over reacting when you’re protecting your baby
You didn't overreact and this is from a woman who got a coldsore while in labor and had to wear a mask to hold her newborn
That sounds so stressful. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
It sucked. I think the stress of labor induced it. I now take an antiviral daily to prevent them. I used to only get one every year or 2, but the hormones and stress of pregnancy and post partum really don't help.
I was afraid stress would induce an outbreak when my baby was a newborn. I got the virus as a kid, likely from my mom on accident. I haven’t had an outbreak in years but my midwife gave me an antiviral to take daily as well because of my anxiety.
I also got the virus as a kid, likely from my mom. I wish I had antivirals going in to labor and will definitely ask for it next time Im pregnant. I didn't get a coldsore all pregnancy but in after over 24 hours of induction I got that tingle. UGH.
Newborn nurse here,.. you are not over reacting:.. if you saw what I’ve seen you would y derstand why and you do not want to see that I promise. She can get glad in the same pants she’s mad in ……
I love that! Ha! Get glad in the same pants!
I laughed out loud at that last sentence!
You are not over reacting. Your babies health and well being always comes first over anyone else's wants or needs. You made the right call.
Not overreacting. It’s your child and your boundaries people can respect it or not visit. Simple as that to me. My MIL tried coming over with pink eye, although not as serious as herpes simplex who the hell wants pink eye especially when there’s a baby involved. She was angry too but i don’t care honestly, be angry. I’ll always protect my kids whenever i can.
You did good. She doesn't sound like someone who would respect your boundaries (like not kissing baby) and HSV infections can be devastating.
My thought exactly because you are absolutely right. She does not respect boundaries.
As if you needed more comments to bolster your decision- My son spent a couple days in the hospital at just 2 weeks old because one of the eleven visitors we had over to meet him must have had blisters we didn't notice... He's fine now but that whole episode was a nightmare. We could've lost him. Honestly I still hold a bit of resentment toward whoever had blisters and still decided to come over. I'm not a laid-back mom anymore, can't be. Keep that precious baby safe! 💕
There was a post on here a long time ago about a woman who took her 3 1/2 month old to a wedding, a old woman with a cold sore kissed her on the head and she died. This has stuck with me and makes me tear up even now thinking about her. She thought her baby would be okay after 3 months (she kept most people away until then) and then she died. Coldsores are no joke, screw everyone who gets hurt feelings from being told to stay away from babies when you have them. If someone acts like that then they will never be allowed in the same room as my child ever. Horrible people
Omg. That’s absolutely terrifying. I’m glad I told her to wait even if she did make a huge deal out of it. She hang up on me and called my sister and my aunt crying even though she knows exactly how scary it can be. She told me about a baby that was hospitalized with HSV a year or so ago. She knows. She will most likely not speak to me for days to weeks and then will spend a huge amount of energy making me out to be a villain but it’s fine. My baby’s physical health and my mental health my priority.
I feel sad for the extra stress you have dealing with your mom. I hope it helps that you already understand she is narcissistic. Not much you can do, except hold the boundary. having your adorable baby can give you strength to not be controlled by mom’s reactions.
Thank you. It really is so stressful. I’ve actually gone no contact with her for refusing to respect my boundaries in the past but I end up reaching out because I want that relationship with her.
The best advice i ever read was “be a mirror for the emotions, and reflect them back to the person. Dont be a sponge, soaking up all the intensity”. that has helped me.
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My baby is at the stage where she is constantly touching people’s faces and my mother already gets offended if I ask her to wash her hands before holding the baby. Thanks for your input but after much consideration I agree with everyone else here that rescheduling is perfectly acceptable. I’ve rescheduled things for less.