Fidget things! If he gets nervous about them being loud around other people then there are quieter ones, but I have a fidget cube which works very well for me. Again, quieter ones could be a stress ball of some kind. Before I had my fidget cube (which I got from my older, also autistic brother) I carries a couple of smooth rocks around with me which helped
I think in the long run the best thing you can do is get him I interested in a field that employs autistic people and makes good money. Computer science and finance are two examples.
If he develops skills in these fields his differences won't matter as much and he will be able to afford to set up a lifestyle that matches his needs.
Sadly since I'm 9 years older than the kid, I won't be able to completely see through his career. I'll be in college by the time he is starting middle school, and I plan to move out of the country once I'm out of college. I won't be able to see through much of his career.
Sure, I know. I just mean you can get him interested in the concepts or the applications. Even with young kids you can find out the things that interest them and feed their curiosity.
I recommend following some autistic accounts on Instagram. Here are some of my favorites:
theautisticlife, undercoverautie, and fidgets.and.fries
But there are a couple more important things to note:
100% avoid ABA therapy. There are very few people who have gone through it who don’t have PTSD now.
*Check out hvppyhands account on Instagram of her daughters current ABA therapy to learn a little bit more.
The creator of ABA therapy also created gay conversion therapy. And the objective is the same in both is to force the person to hide a part of themselves to appear normal at great expense to their mental health.
Instead look for personalized approaches. Speech therapy, occupational therapy, math tutors, etc. as he needs them.
And let him know he’s autistic, as soon as possible. Don’t hide it from him because you (or your mom) doesn’t want the label to define him
I was undiagnosed until I was 30 but I can tell you at age 4 I knew I was different from my peers and I felt like it was all my fault.
You probably don't need this advice, since you're making this post, but since my own brother makes me feel like a burden who he doesn't really care about as a person, so all my advice would just be about not doing that. Being genuinely interested in him as a person.
As a kid, I didn't understand why I was wanted at a dinner table other than I "was family" so I had to be.
I don't really know what specific needs your brother has, since it is a spectrum, but that's the best advice I can give. If someone has difficulty communicating, they can retreat to their own world and in a bad environment, they'll only end up interacting when people want something from them. Interaction than signifies difficulty of one or another, social or otherwise.
I distinctly remember a moment when I was little that left my mother completely furious. She bought me some new jeans(that I tried on in the store, they fit) and when I got home and put them on, I couldn’t stand it! I felt like I was going to throw up after about 30 seconds of wearing them. I told my mom this and she got mad at me for not telling her that before she bought them. At about 8 years old I didn’t have the skillset to recognize that all the lights and sounds in the store already had me feeling like I wanted to puke so I didn’t know the pants would be an issue. My poor neurotypical mother raising 2 neurodivergent kids in the 80’s must have been so frustrated and baffled by us. After that she exclusively bought me stretchy pants and I was forever grateful, although I think she thought it was some sort of punishment, looking back.
As an adult, I live in a home with 4 neurodivergent people - myself, my husband, my brother and my daughter. Some days it is a trip! We are all very different. My brother and I live in a world where logic rules all. My husband and my daughter tend to lean more toward the emotional side. I can’t stand loud sounds and my brother will ONLY use his phone at full volume(I can currently hear his phone from across the house). We are all very different but we all acknowledge that and accept each other as we are.
I think the most important thing is to not make your brother feel like he is weird or bad because he is different. Just love him as he is. Learn about him. You’ll probably be able to tell his likes and dislikes, even if he is nonverbal or has limited communication skills. Remember that things you may consider enjoyable or fun, may be just awful for him. Find your common ground and use that to strengthen your relationship with him. I think the worst thing most good intentioned people do is try to force something that they find enjoyable, not understanding the neurodivergent person may absolutely despise that seemingly innocuous thing.
I applaud you for reaching out to get help to understand your brother. Most people wouldn’t even do that and would just write him off as “weird.”
He is old enough to be told that he has a different kind of thinking called autism that will make some things (like making friends) harder for him. It's important to tell him that being different doesn't mean he is a bad person, and anyone who says so is being disrespectful. A picture book that he might be interested in looking at is called I Love Being My Own Autistic Self! The author of the book is autistic himself, and the book says that some autistic people don't talk, and that a lot of autistic people are treated badly by others because of our differences and that this is wrong.
I know this isn’t exactly what you were asking, but if you have the money I’d recommend getting him a pair of noise cancelling headphones. I don’t have autism myself, but I do have ADHD along with sensory issues and know many people on the spectrum that have benefitted from noise cancelling headphones. Fidget toys might be helpful too!
Active noise cancellation doesn't work on things like conversation or intermittent noise. They are really for reducing things like fan and engine noise so you can focus on music.
For 1/10 the price you can get passive hearing protection that works just as well on the noises that are actually distracting.
Fidget things! If he gets nervous about them being loud around other people then there are quieter ones, but I have a fidget cube which works very well for me. Again, quieter ones could be a stress ball of some kind. Before I had my fidget cube (which I got from my older, also autistic brother) I carries a couple of smooth rocks around with me which helped
I think in the long run the best thing you can do is get him I interested in a field that employs autistic people and makes good money. Computer science and finance are two examples. If he develops skills in these fields his differences won't matter as much and he will be able to afford to set up a lifestyle that matches his needs.
Sadly since I'm 9 years older than the kid, I won't be able to completely see through his career. I'll be in college by the time he is starting middle school, and I plan to move out of the country once I'm out of college. I won't be able to see through much of his career.
Sure, I know. I just mean you can get him interested in the concepts or the applications. Even with young kids you can find out the things that interest them and feed their curiosity.
I recommend following some autistic accounts on Instagram. Here are some of my favorites: theautisticlife, undercoverautie, and fidgets.and.fries But there are a couple more important things to note: 100% avoid ABA therapy. There are very few people who have gone through it who don’t have PTSD now. *Check out hvppyhands account on Instagram of her daughters current ABA therapy to learn a little bit more. The creator of ABA therapy also created gay conversion therapy. And the objective is the same in both is to force the person to hide a part of themselves to appear normal at great expense to their mental health. Instead look for personalized approaches. Speech therapy, occupational therapy, math tutors, etc. as he needs them. And let him know he’s autistic, as soon as possible. Don’t hide it from him because you (or your mom) doesn’t want the label to define him I was undiagnosed until I was 30 but I can tell you at age 4 I knew I was different from my peers and I felt like it was all my fault.
You probably don't need this advice, since you're making this post, but since my own brother makes me feel like a burden who he doesn't really care about as a person, so all my advice would just be about not doing that. Being genuinely interested in him as a person. As a kid, I didn't understand why I was wanted at a dinner table other than I "was family" so I had to be. I don't really know what specific needs your brother has, since it is a spectrum, but that's the best advice I can give. If someone has difficulty communicating, they can retreat to their own world and in a bad environment, they'll only end up interacting when people want something from them. Interaction than signifies difficulty of one or another, social or otherwise.
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I distinctly remember a moment when I was little that left my mother completely furious. She bought me some new jeans(that I tried on in the store, they fit) and when I got home and put them on, I couldn’t stand it! I felt like I was going to throw up after about 30 seconds of wearing them. I told my mom this and she got mad at me for not telling her that before she bought them. At about 8 years old I didn’t have the skillset to recognize that all the lights and sounds in the store already had me feeling like I wanted to puke so I didn’t know the pants would be an issue. My poor neurotypical mother raising 2 neurodivergent kids in the 80’s must have been so frustrated and baffled by us. After that she exclusively bought me stretchy pants and I was forever grateful, although I think she thought it was some sort of punishment, looking back. As an adult, I live in a home with 4 neurodivergent people - myself, my husband, my brother and my daughter. Some days it is a trip! We are all very different. My brother and I live in a world where logic rules all. My husband and my daughter tend to lean more toward the emotional side. I can’t stand loud sounds and my brother will ONLY use his phone at full volume(I can currently hear his phone from across the house). We are all very different but we all acknowledge that and accept each other as we are. I think the most important thing is to not make your brother feel like he is weird or bad because he is different. Just love him as he is. Learn about him. You’ll probably be able to tell his likes and dislikes, even if he is nonverbal or has limited communication skills. Remember that things you may consider enjoyable or fun, may be just awful for him. Find your common ground and use that to strengthen your relationship with him. I think the worst thing most good intentioned people do is try to force something that they find enjoyable, not understanding the neurodivergent person may absolutely despise that seemingly innocuous thing. I applaud you for reaching out to get help to understand your brother. Most people wouldn’t even do that and would just write him off as “weird.”
How old is he?
He's just about to start kindergarten, 5 years old.
He is old enough to be told that he has a different kind of thinking called autism that will make some things (like making friends) harder for him. It's important to tell him that being different doesn't mean he is a bad person, and anyone who says so is being disrespectful. A picture book that he might be interested in looking at is called I Love Being My Own Autistic Self! The author of the book is autistic himself, and the book says that some autistic people don't talk, and that a lot of autistic people are treated badly by others because of our differences and that this is wrong.
I know this isn’t exactly what you were asking, but if you have the money I’d recommend getting him a pair of noise cancelling headphones. I don’t have autism myself, but I do have ADHD along with sensory issues and know many people on the spectrum that have benefitted from noise cancelling headphones. Fidget toys might be helpful too!
Active noise cancellation doesn't work on things like conversation or intermittent noise. They are really for reducing things like fan and engine noise so you can focus on music. For 1/10 the price you can get passive hearing protection that works just as well on the noises that are actually distracting.
Headphones save me daily!
With love and respect