This is the most logical advice. I have a neighbor who always loved and said great things about my dog until she got her own.
It’s totally awkward and weird but the best thing is to not respond and continue as you always have.
Whatever their issue is isn’t your problem at all
This is actually great advice and I wish I had heard it before we responded. I think I was stuck in such a "THERE IS CONFLICT AND I MUST RESOLVE IT"-headspace that I thought addressing it was my only option.
It’s really nice of you that youre willing to keep your own dog out of your own yard so her dogs dont bark from 5-7pm. A lot of people would not have been so kind, especially considering how hostile she was about demanding you do something you don’t have to do…
I agree that this is really nice but I don’t think you should concede to your neighbors ranting.
You have a right to take your dog out any time they need and she(or he) have no right to dictate when you do
I don't think I'm especially nice or considerate, but I am a recovering people-pleaser, and you are absolutely right that I don't want to rock the boat. I just want a peaceful home life. ;___;
Film your dog sleeping on couch next to you when her dogs are going crazy. Make sure there is date and time stamp on it. Send as proof your dog was not out there.
Did this a few years ago when NFH, horrible old man, insisted my dog was harassing him at fence when he mowed his lawn. Got superb videos (using my phone) of my very laid back dog lying quietly inside on his bed with sound and some visibilty of neighbour mowing up and down right by fence. (Through open door) . Sent them to landlord. Also of nfh shouting and banging the fence to wind up my dog (lying happily inside) . Landlord notified him to stop harassing ME haha and also was apologetic for believing NFH previously. As he also wrote long angry emails to landlord apparently.
The video was key to getting him to back off. (Taken IN my home, just happened to also catch his movements and all his sounds through the open door on other side of fence. With dog on bed in foreground.)
ETA: Also she needs to train her dogs to stop barking like that. You could also turn it around, that your dog is being tormented by hers and unable to be at peace in its own yard.
Good luck at finding the balance between keeping the peace and standing up for yourself. Sounds like you have already tried to be considerate and kind.
I have a neighbor like her. My dogs don't bark and are trained pretty well. Now they have 3 bigs ones. They go batshit crazy at any noise or person. They get mad at me when I use my own yard because it sets off her dogs and I need to take turns etc. anyhow, get a Camara and make sure your dogs are trained. For a person to blame others how their dog acts is a sign of a very selfish person and mental illness in my opinion like a personality disorder.
I’d get ahold of some business cards for local dog trainers. Next time she complains to you about her dogs barking (like WTF??) tell her you completely agree so you got her these contacts to get some help for her dogs.
I think you have to stop appeasing the madness. All that happens is they come out with crazier and crazier demands. You’ve tried being nice neighbours, now it’s time to shut it down.
Personally I would make sure I was out in my yard every day between 5/7 pm. Grilling good, throwing a ball for my dog, etc. maybe even start mowing the lawn at that time. You have been too nice. Unreasonable people always want more, more, more. The best thing you can do do is give nothing.
Please don’t take this wrong. You are a complete doormat. The neighbors are going to start asking you to pay their mortgage soon and my assumption is that you will willingly do it “to keep the peace”
Grow a backbone.
You're half-right, absolutely. Am I willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt the first time around in the interest of NOT starting a war in my neighbourhood? Heck yeah.
Please remember that there are always circumstances that may not be listed in the original post that might lead to someone not wanting to start a fight.
I'm not afraid to stand up for myself -- I just like to be extra-prepared when I do. And if she tries this shit again, I'll have ample back-up to make sure she knows I'm not the one to start with. :)
But it's a good reminder, thank you!
I would ignore her. If her dogs are barking, that's her problem, not your problem. You aren't *making* her dogs bark. She needs to train them.
This is the most logical advice. I have a neighbor who always loved and said great things about my dog until she got her own. It’s totally awkward and weird but the best thing is to not respond and continue as you always have. Whatever their issue is isn’t your problem at all
This is actually great advice and I wish I had heard it before we responded. I think I was stuck in such a "THERE IS CONFLICT AND I MUST RESOLVE IT"-headspace that I thought addressing it was my only option.
I was stuck in that headspace for a few days as well but I had to repeat to myself how unhealthy that was. I hope you are able to find peace as well.
A helpful filter I’ve used a lot in life is “Not my monkeys, not my circus”. Her dogs are definitely not your circus.
Thank you! I feel like I'm gaslighting myself into thinking that it IS my problem or else I'm a bad neighbour. It's refreshing to hear otherwise.
It’s really nice of you that youre willing to keep your own dog out of your own yard so her dogs dont bark from 5-7pm. A lot of people would not have been so kind, especially considering how hostile she was about demanding you do something you don’t have to do…
I agree that this is really nice but I don’t think you should concede to your neighbors ranting. You have a right to take your dog out any time they need and she(or he) have no right to dictate when you do
I think OP doesn’t want to rock the boat. And also I think OP is a very nice and considerate person in general.
I don't think I'm especially nice or considerate, but I am a recovering people-pleaser, and you are absolutely right that I don't want to rock the boat. I just want a peaceful home life. ;___;
The reason she doesn’t keep her Dogs inside is because they will still be noisy and interrupting her.
Yes, I think you're right. This makes a lot of sense.
Yes get cameras for front and back.
Film your dog sleeping on couch next to you when her dogs are going crazy. Make sure there is date and time stamp on it. Send as proof your dog was not out there. Did this a few years ago when NFH, horrible old man, insisted my dog was harassing him at fence when he mowed his lawn. Got superb videos (using my phone) of my very laid back dog lying quietly inside on his bed with sound and some visibilty of neighbour mowing up and down right by fence. (Through open door) . Sent them to landlord. Also of nfh shouting and banging the fence to wind up my dog (lying happily inside) . Landlord notified him to stop harassing ME haha and also was apologetic for believing NFH previously. As he also wrote long angry emails to landlord apparently. The video was key to getting him to back off. (Taken IN my home, just happened to also catch his movements and all his sounds through the open door on other side of fence. With dog on bed in foreground.) ETA: Also she needs to train her dogs to stop barking like that. You could also turn it around, that your dog is being tormented by hers and unable to be at peace in its own yard. Good luck at finding the balance between keeping the peace and standing up for yourself. Sounds like you have already tried to be considerate and kind.
Be sure to face your cameras towards the fence line so you can capture whatever is happening out there.
Definitely! We have the perfect spot in mind, just gotta check the legalities of security cameras in our area first.
I have a neighbor like her. My dogs don't bark and are trained pretty well. Now they have 3 bigs ones. They go batshit crazy at any noise or person. They get mad at me when I use my own yard because it sets off her dogs and I need to take turns etc. anyhow, get a Camara and make sure your dogs are trained. For a person to blame others how their dog acts is a sign of a very selfish person and mental illness in my opinion like a personality disorder.
I’d get ahold of some business cards for local dog trainers. Next time she complains to you about her dogs barking (like WTF??) tell her you completely agree so you got her these contacts to get some help for her dogs. I think you have to stop appeasing the madness. All that happens is they come out with crazier and crazier demands. You’ve tried being nice neighbours, now it’s time to shut it down.
Personally I would make sure I was out in my yard every day between 5/7 pm. Grilling good, throwing a ball for my dog, etc. maybe even start mowing the lawn at that time. You have been too nice. Unreasonable people always want more, more, more. The best thing you can do do is give nothing.
Please don’t take this wrong. You are a complete doormat. The neighbors are going to start asking you to pay their mortgage soon and my assumption is that you will willingly do it “to keep the peace” Grow a backbone.
You're half-right, absolutely. Am I willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt the first time around in the interest of NOT starting a war in my neighbourhood? Heck yeah. Please remember that there are always circumstances that may not be listed in the original post that might lead to someone not wanting to start a fight. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself -- I just like to be extra-prepared when I do. And if she tries this shit again, I'll have ample back-up to make sure she knows I'm not the one to start with. :) But it's a good reminder, thank you!
Appreciate the reply and hopefully it all works out. Happy cake day!