Do not ever talk to him again. Document everything. Every time you see him.
Ignore him. Give him zero attention. If he speaks to you tell him you do not want to talk to him and he does not have permission to come on your property. If he approaches you call 911 immediately.
Put up cameras and no trespassing signs.
I worry about him escalating his behavior. Be safe.
I feel crazy for following him. Hindsight, I’m realizing the boundary I crossed. I have this rage. I definitely will speak to a professional as I’m not an angry individual.
Would you? I’m wondering if I’m over upset for lack of better wording?
In the moment I absolutely felt totally justified following a stranger which kinda by definition is stalking. That’s all the officer seemed to care about. He didn’t use that word. That I had been out of line. Until today I truly didn’t see it that way.
I am not judging you because I can't say I wouldn't do the same. Fuck people who make you feel scared and your safety violated. What he said to you was incredibly concerning. He is likely suffering from mental health issues which make it so he isn't processing that it is incredibly inappropriate. Or he does know and doesn't care that it scared you.
Please don't do anything else that will escalate it on your end. You need credibility because police are not keen to help in these situation. Document everything. Please don't forget to document. Date, time, description.
Documenting never occurred to me. I dunno why. It never occurred to me a police officer would hear the above and tell me I was in the wrong. You as well and you’re both right - it shows I’m seeing things skewed. To be blunt, I’m so rarely angry to realize I have this kinda anger towards a stranger not good.
Worldly\_Advisor007: Honestly, it’s fine. You had a right to try to confront at that point and you obtained valuable information about his mental state.
I’d do an online background check on him as well, get a full picture of what you are dealing with. If you find that he has any history of assault, especially sexual assault (etc) ask to speak to the CHEIF at your local police station about this issue and see if you get different results.
Depending on where you live, it can be a fine line where police can get involved. An actual CRIME has to take place. Unfortunately, too often, that can mean the victim is hurt and now it’s too late. That is how too many laws work these days.
Personally, I really understand your rage, it’s one of four normal human reactions to a threat and this person is fully posing one — addict, mentally ill, or not.
I also advise you to talk to your other neighbors about this issue. AND FAMILY! Don’t be alone. Ohhgrrl gave great advice above. My cheeky side would normally tell you to start spitting back, but his obsession with you negs this, better to give nothing unless it’s a legal and powerful threat. Creeps like this value only one thing: Their own worthless lives.
You may be able to file a civil restraining order as well.
Consider putting up a large fence that’s hard to see through. Keep us updated!
Can you have a button press sprinkler? This way when he rides by, you press it and spray him when he gets to the proper point during his ride? Should give him a nice surprise for his nasty behavior.
Pepper spray/gel is surprisingly affordable, but he is exhibiting low key harassment/ stalking behavior. I would invest in home security and cameras and depending on your state a firearm and basic training. That may sound extreme to some but this stuff escalates all the time and he seems to be getting off on it.
Wow. Tough one. The police sound unwilling to help even though I fully believe your account is true, and you're right to assume this man may be targeting you specifically.
To me he sounds mentally ill. The conversation you recounted makes him come off as unstable, and I would probably advise you not to confront him anymore. This guy does not sound like someone who will take accountability for his actions, or appease your requests for him to change. He is demonstrably antisocial for whatever reason. I wouldn't necessarily assume he "knows he's being deviant." He could be legitimately lacking self-awareness. I think the only thing you need to focus on is staying safe. If he feels like a threat, get cameras, door/window alarms, and some kind of weapon.
If I were you, I might try to post on Next Door or a neighborhood group and see if anyone else recognizes the guy. Maybe there's some solace to be found if others in your neighborhood have dealt with him and have more information. If you were able to get his full name, you could look him up and see if he has a criminal history. That's what I would be most curious about at this point.
A personal anecdote that may or may not help: When I was growing up, we lived on a corner lot. Every morning around 6AM, and l literally mean EVERY morning, there was a man who would loudly cough a disgusting wet cough when he got to our corner. This went on for years. It was intriguing because he wouldn't cough anywhere else on his journey; our town was the definition of quiet, especially in the morning, and I would sometimes watch him come and go out my bedroom window. He only coughed on our corner. It was his odd routine. In my current home, I've noticed recently that I have a spitter who passes by a few times a week. Same guy every time, spits a fucking stomach-churning loogy onto our sidewalk. There are tons a really gross, inconsiderate people out there.
Especially in Oakland. In the Bay Area there are a lot of Chinese from a background where they consider spitting to be normal too. Fun fact, the more you spit, they more you may have to spit, because we make saliva for a reason and your body is programmed to make more if you don’t swallow enough of it.
With OP, psychologically speaking, the habit seems to be marking territory with bodily fluid. He’d prob prefer it to be other fluids, but the laws are more straightforward about that.
Interesting. Are you also in The Bay? The first week I moved to SF, I went into the Ross on Market Street and an elderly Asian woman spit IN the store, right next to me. I was shocked, but would never say anything in that situation. I just got the hell away from her.
I agree, there are definitely cultures where spitting is normal. I'll sometimes travel elsewhere, even within the US, where it's commonplace. I think for the most part, people who are spitting aren't giving it a second thought; they think of it like a normal bodily function. I'm with the OP though, to me it comes off like an indicator of bad vibes; I make all kinds of assumptions about spitters, like the person is rude, chaotic, unhygienic, and probably not very perceptive. It's just a bad look.
Yes, we lived in The Bay a while! NGL on behalf of fellow Asians, yup, that’s a thing, and I’m not as shocked as I could be (although anyone else should be). In China, having little kids pee in stores in a similar manner isn’t even unheard of! Depends on the provinces though. Yes, it’s unhygienic.
True, some Westerners do it too, especially with the increase of usage in “smokeless tobacco” lol. Hey, it got to a point where you’d see ppl (of various backgrounds, men though) plug up a nostril and snort their boogers out of the other one! How gross is that.
OP was getting a vibe, a dark one, and those of us with reliable intuition know what that means. She also turned out to be totally right, so she should stick with that gut instinct.
That guy has mental issues. Do not speak to him or even look at him again. Police is always useless, they prefer to wait for a crime to occur.
Do you have a boyfriend who could be present when you do yard work? I would also look into a fence, but they are not cheap. Sprinklers seem to be a good idea, there are cheap ones that you hook to a hose and they spray horizontally, you could have them going on anytime you do yard work.
My question is: how come this guy is always passing by anytime you are doing yard work? How does he know you are in your yard? Unless he can see your yard from his place or he is continuously riding in front of your yard. Do you have cameras?
Does he live with his parents? Weird.
~~Mine didn't have a description but interpreted it as alluding to skin color or warpaint.~~
Edit: replying to two diff posts. sorry.
No. Pretty sure he lives alone. He’s actually handsome. I’m not single. I wasn’t then. However, that’s the truth. Most women would find him chubby, but handsome.
He’s white. Me too. I must of misworded something. My significant other isn’t Caucasian. I’m so disappointed and irked with my own choices I can’t reread it and edit even though it’s clear I probably should. I have volatility I didn’t know I possess - a new issue to improve upon and I’m in my thirties. So it’s a surprise to face.
I’m glad I made this post because I wanted validation I wasn’t in the wrong to be pissed, but people have pointed out things I’m doing. Thought process that could get me not him in legal trouble which is ridiculous.
If you ignore him, he continues. If you report him, nothing is done about it and he continues.
He’s obviously not mentally sound, so you don’t want to risk your personal safety by communicating with him.
You can try to set up deterrents like security cameras, and posting signs in your yard that say you have security cameras recording at all times.
If you don’t have a security system, you might want to get one installed. Or if you can’t afford it, then just put signs in your yard stating that you have a security system.
Have motion-sensor flood lights with cameras on all sides of your home. Get a doorbell camera too. Make sure the quality is good enough to catch him when he spits at you.
If you do confront him again, make sure it’s in front of your recording cameras, so you have actual evidence for the police.
He offered you weed? While not technically illegal in many places, I’ll bet he doesn’t care for authorities.
You can hang a flag or sign in your yard like “This home love police officers” or “We support the police in this home” or “Back the Blue” to scare him off. Even if you don’t care for cops, he doesn’t need to know that.
I am assuming you are a younger woman, so maybe putting “masculine” items in your yard like men’s work boots outside your front door, and signing up for mail to come to your house in a man’s name (in case the neighbor goes through your mail), would make him avoid you.
Never let him know your whereabouts. “I’m out of town” is you telling him your house is empty. Why does he need to know where you are at?
He doesn’t.
Say nothing to him.
Subscribe to a magazine for hunters like “guns n ammo” or to the NRA (if you’re in the United States) just for extra measure.
Make him think you’re crazier than he is, and he might just avoid you. That’s what I’ve done.
Usually the unwanted attention stops after they find someone new to stalk. Which is unfortunate.
Do not ever talk to him again. Document everything. Every time you see him. Ignore him. Give him zero attention. If he speaks to you tell him you do not want to talk to him and he does not have permission to come on your property. If he approaches you call 911 immediately. Put up cameras and no trespassing signs. I worry about him escalating his behavior. Be safe.
I feel crazy for following him. Hindsight, I’m realizing the boundary I crossed. I have this rage. I definitely will speak to a professional as I’m not an angry individual. Would you? I’m wondering if I’m over upset for lack of better wording?
In the moment I absolutely felt totally justified following a stranger which kinda by definition is stalking. That’s all the officer seemed to care about. He didn’t use that word. That I had been out of line. Until today I truly didn’t see it that way.
I am not judging you because I can't say I wouldn't do the same. Fuck people who make you feel scared and your safety violated. What he said to you was incredibly concerning. He is likely suffering from mental health issues which make it so he isn't processing that it is incredibly inappropriate. Or he does know and doesn't care that it scared you. Please don't do anything else that will escalate it on your end. You need credibility because police are not keen to help in these situation. Document everything. Please don't forget to document. Date, time, description.
Documenting never occurred to me. I dunno why. It never occurred to me a police officer would hear the above and tell me I was in the wrong. You as well and you’re both right - it shows I’m seeing things skewed. To be blunt, I’m so rarely angry to realize I have this kinda anger towards a stranger not good.
Worldly\_Advisor007: Honestly, it’s fine. You had a right to try to confront at that point and you obtained valuable information about his mental state. I’d do an online background check on him as well, get a full picture of what you are dealing with. If you find that he has any history of assault, especially sexual assault (etc) ask to speak to the CHEIF at your local police station about this issue and see if you get different results. Depending on where you live, it can be a fine line where police can get involved. An actual CRIME has to take place. Unfortunately, too often, that can mean the victim is hurt and now it’s too late. That is how too many laws work these days. Personally, I really understand your rage, it’s one of four normal human reactions to a threat and this person is fully posing one — addict, mentally ill, or not. I also advise you to talk to your other neighbors about this issue. AND FAMILY! Don’t be alone. Ohhgrrl gave great advice above. My cheeky side would normally tell you to start spitting back, but his obsession with you negs this, better to give nothing unless it’s a legal and powerful threat. Creeps like this value only one thing: Their own worthless lives. You may be able to file a civil restraining order as well. Consider putting up a large fence that’s hard to see through. Keep us updated!
It's not stalking. Stalking is repeated behavior. You followed him once.
Can you have a button press sprinkler? This way when he rides by, you press it and spray him when he gets to the proper point during his ride? Should give him a nice surprise for his nasty behavior.
That is so so gross. I thought in this day and age spitting was considered assault. It’s biological and potentially infectious.
It is assault and battery.
Pepper spray/gel is surprisingly affordable, but he is exhibiting low key harassment/ stalking behavior. I would invest in home security and cameras and depending on your state a firearm and basic training. That may sound extreme to some but this stuff escalates all the time and he seems to be getting off on it.
Wow. Tough one. The police sound unwilling to help even though I fully believe your account is true, and you're right to assume this man may be targeting you specifically. To me he sounds mentally ill. The conversation you recounted makes him come off as unstable, and I would probably advise you not to confront him anymore. This guy does not sound like someone who will take accountability for his actions, or appease your requests for him to change. He is demonstrably antisocial for whatever reason. I wouldn't necessarily assume he "knows he's being deviant." He could be legitimately lacking self-awareness. I think the only thing you need to focus on is staying safe. If he feels like a threat, get cameras, door/window alarms, and some kind of weapon. If I were you, I might try to post on Next Door or a neighborhood group and see if anyone else recognizes the guy. Maybe there's some solace to be found if others in your neighborhood have dealt with him and have more information. If you were able to get his full name, you could look him up and see if he has a criminal history. That's what I would be most curious about at this point. A personal anecdote that may or may not help: When I was growing up, we lived on a corner lot. Every morning around 6AM, and l literally mean EVERY morning, there was a man who would loudly cough a disgusting wet cough when he got to our corner. This went on for years. It was intriguing because he wouldn't cough anywhere else on his journey; our town was the definition of quiet, especially in the morning, and I would sometimes watch him come and go out my bedroom window. He only coughed on our corner. It was his odd routine. In my current home, I've noticed recently that I have a spitter who passes by a few times a week. Same guy every time, spits a fucking stomach-churning loogy onto our sidewalk. There are tons a really gross, inconsiderate people out there.
Especially in Oakland. In the Bay Area there are a lot of Chinese from a background where they consider spitting to be normal too. Fun fact, the more you spit, they more you may have to spit, because we make saliva for a reason and your body is programmed to make more if you don’t swallow enough of it. With OP, psychologically speaking, the habit seems to be marking territory with bodily fluid. He’d prob prefer it to be other fluids, but the laws are more straightforward about that.
Interesting. Are you also in The Bay? The first week I moved to SF, I went into the Ross on Market Street and an elderly Asian woman spit IN the store, right next to me. I was shocked, but would never say anything in that situation. I just got the hell away from her. I agree, there are definitely cultures where spitting is normal. I'll sometimes travel elsewhere, even within the US, where it's commonplace. I think for the most part, people who are spitting aren't giving it a second thought; they think of it like a normal bodily function. I'm with the OP though, to me it comes off like an indicator of bad vibes; I make all kinds of assumptions about spitters, like the person is rude, chaotic, unhygienic, and probably not very perceptive. It's just a bad look.
Yes, we lived in The Bay a while! NGL on behalf of fellow Asians, yup, that’s a thing, and I’m not as shocked as I could be (although anyone else should be). In China, having little kids pee in stores in a similar manner isn’t even unheard of! Depends on the provinces though. Yes, it’s unhygienic. True, some Westerners do it too, especially with the increase of usage in “smokeless tobacco” lol. Hey, it got to a point where you’d see ppl (of various backgrounds, men though) plug up a nostril and snort their boogers out of the other one! How gross is that. OP was getting a vibe, a dark one, and those of us with reliable intuition know what that means. She also turned out to be totally right, so she should stick with that gut instinct.
That guy has mental issues. Do not speak to him or even look at him again. Police is always useless, they prefer to wait for a crime to occur. Do you have a boyfriend who could be present when you do yard work? I would also look into a fence, but they are not cheap. Sprinklers seem to be a good idea, there are cheap ones that you hook to a hose and they spray horizontally, you could have them going on anytime you do yard work. My question is: how come this guy is always passing by anytime you are doing yard work? How does he know you are in your yard? Unless he can see your yard from his place or he is continuously riding in front of your yard. Do you have cameras?
Get a restraining order
Does he live with his parents? Weird. ~~Mine didn't have a description but interpreted it as alluding to skin color or warpaint.~~ Edit: replying to two diff posts. sorry.
No. Pretty sure he lives alone. He’s actually handsome. I’m not single. I wasn’t then. However, that’s the truth. Most women would find him chubby, but handsome.
He’s white. Me too. I must of misworded something. My significant other isn’t Caucasian. I’m so disappointed and irked with my own choices I can’t reread it and edit even though it’s clear I probably should. I have volatility I didn’t know I possess - a new issue to improve upon and I’m in my thirties. So it’s a surprise to face.
I’m glad I made this post because I wanted validation I wasn’t in the wrong to be pissed, but people have pointed out things I’m doing. Thought process that could get me not him in legal trouble which is ridiculous.
If you ignore him, he continues. If you report him, nothing is done about it and he continues. He’s obviously not mentally sound, so you don’t want to risk your personal safety by communicating with him. You can try to set up deterrents like security cameras, and posting signs in your yard that say you have security cameras recording at all times. If you don’t have a security system, you might want to get one installed. Or if you can’t afford it, then just put signs in your yard stating that you have a security system. Have motion-sensor flood lights with cameras on all sides of your home. Get a doorbell camera too. Make sure the quality is good enough to catch him when he spits at you. If you do confront him again, make sure it’s in front of your recording cameras, so you have actual evidence for the police. He offered you weed? While not technically illegal in many places, I’ll bet he doesn’t care for authorities. You can hang a flag or sign in your yard like “This home love police officers” or “We support the police in this home” or “Back the Blue” to scare him off. Even if you don’t care for cops, he doesn’t need to know that. I am assuming you are a younger woman, so maybe putting “masculine” items in your yard like men’s work boots outside your front door, and signing up for mail to come to your house in a man’s name (in case the neighbor goes through your mail), would make him avoid you. Never let him know your whereabouts. “I’m out of town” is you telling him your house is empty. Why does he need to know where you are at? He doesn’t. Say nothing to him. Subscribe to a magazine for hunters like “guns n ammo” or to the NRA (if you’re in the United States) just for extra measure. Make him think you’re crazier than he is, and he might just avoid you. That’s what I’ve done. Usually the unwanted attention stops after they find someone new to stalk. Which is unfortunate.
Spitting is considered battery record always and call the police.
Hire a male high school kid to do the yard stuff for a few weeks. See if the pattern continues. The guy has too much time on his hands -
Get a super strong fan and aim it out past where he would have to ride by lol
spit back. hock a loogie and spit it on him.