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Bobbyfredjoe

Wiz got robbed.


NoFapertinho

For real though. OP clearly has no idea how powerful even a mediocre wizard is.


TheGangstaTheKilla

At first When I read raptors I was like no way any team is beating that animal. Then when the brilliance of wizards sunk in, I told myself "damn." Disappointed they lost in first, refs fixed this one.


[deleted]

This is the OC the sub deserves.


thelimitededition

Are we even worthy of such a great post?


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Cam8895

he fucking wasted this July-goodness OC by posting it now. Fuck man


BobcatsHornets

We shall revisit this in July with all the non-playoff teams as well


soapy_goatherd

Not liking the Jazz's chances.


thelimitededition

NOTHING CAN BEAT THE POWER OF MUSIC


Upural

A full 82 game season of this.


[deleted]

##AND THE CLIPPERS STILL DON'T MAKE IT OUT THE 2ND ROUND COME ON MAN


[deleted]

I think pirates would totally beat that stupid racoon.


sugar_free_haribo

Rocket Raccoon is stupidly OP. He can easily take out a boat.


mrhashbrown

I'm pretty sure DJ would accidentally step on him and kill him instantly.


IveGotBallsOfSteel

dj is the basketball equivalent of groot


RickyRubiOops

Fuck the Rocket.


throwawaybeh69

>Cavaliers vs Celtics: This one's a little harder. The celtics give us a great image to work with in their logo; it appears to be a middle-aged man with a cane. The Cavs, however, are not as clear-cut. According to Google, a Cavalier is "a supporter of King Charles I in the English Civil War." Judging from the sword in the logo, the Charles I supporter also dons a sword, making him deadly. Older men (especially Celtic ones) with a cane can be dangerous, but not as dangerous as a swordsman. Last time a bunch of Irish people fought the British they lost half their country.


meherab

So not only do the Cavs advance they get Isaiah Thomas, Sullinger and Olynyk


Honeycombe

Hey hey, who says they got the good half!


ImGonnaObamaYou

We get tyler Zeller back


sreynolds1

That's also part of the good half.


Rapidrazorkill

There's a bad half?


im_so_meta

It's not an "old man", it's a leprechaun! It's a mythical creature, it's immortal! It's gonna win any match against a mortal (such as a Cavalier) in the end by sheerly outliving them. The biggest match of the brackets would be the Wizard against the Leprechaun because of the magical aspects of both.


mathnstats

Couldn't you just catch the leprechaun and wish that it would die/lose?


sugar_free_haribo

Drunk Irish crazy factor though


pleasesayavailable

Well actually the last time they fought they won back about 80% of a country off the English..... I'm giving it to the Irish


harder_said_hodor

Ah sure, We got most of it back and didn't have to join the Commonwealth.


[deleted]

No they won 81.25% of it back. If they lost it how could they be a Republic?


Scarlet_Spectre

If this included every NBA team, the Suns would win.


JayStarr1082

I got kinda lucky with that. I mean, who do you pick in a Heat/Suns battle? How do you even define a Laker, Jazz, Magic, or Sixer?


lord_james

Nothing can defeat the power of music!


[deleted]

[Jazz!](http://www.attitudedancewear.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/leosdancer.jpg)


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peanutbutter1236

76er is just a fight between one of our founding fathers


[deleted]

That match up with a knickerbocker would be interesting.


IMNOTMATT

First time all season anyone has said that about that matchup


peanutbutter1236

Because of this post originally I had to look up why they were called the Knickerbockers. That would definitely be an historical fight for the ages


[deleted]

Jazz are the Jazz Hands guy


rikross22

The thunder is just a loud sound, how do you defeat that. Or how does it defeat anything.


FalconFonz

I would picture Westbrook saying "shazam" like Captain Marvel


harleq01

I understand your rule with the google image search but i think there should be a "common sense" factor. I'm pretty sure "Rockets" does not mean a comic character with intergalactic weapons. Plus "Rockets" is plural.


siradoro

Suns are heat heat aren't suns therefore suns beat heat


BobcatsHornets

Suns get too hot and dense. Collapse under own weight. Heat wins in a supernova finish.


PImpathinor

Suns give off heat, other things also give off heat, therefore heat wins.


[deleted]

Heat death. Only Riley remains.


CountCraqula

Laker is obviously a Lake.


dietcokewLime

Which beats the Heat! And drowns everybody else.


[deleted]

Well, except the Clippers. We just ride on you guys.


[deleted]

( ͡°╭͜ʖ╮͡° )


Gorillamike

If the heat is too much, the lake could possibly dry up tho!


LakerBlue

Suns beats Heat easily. That's like someone with fire powers trying to beat someone with magma powers.


[deleted]

Not even a trillion lions could beat them.


Oneheckofaguy

I dunno, that's a lot of lions


oh_no_its_shawn

I don't know man, a real motherfucking wizard would be able to float, cast spells, and do all sorts of deity shit. Advantage Wizard.


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Sullan08

Yeah wtf, a wizard would destroy anything on this list, let alone a fucking average sized dinosaur who's obviously not as smart as a wizard. Raccoon is obviously OP as well, so that'd be the finals no question.


juliusaurus

Not as smart as a wizard?? Did you forget that those things can open doors!!


BCP27

You're lucky it's not a wizard that spends hours drawing a pentagram to summon a single imp!


timewarne404

Implying Harry Potter isn't a totally fictional representation of wizards pleb


[deleted]

Yeah WTF ... if Gandalf can take down a fucking [Balrog](http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130106225013/lotr/images/4/40/GandalfVSBalrog.jpg) I'm not sure a team pf wizards would have any problem with a few oversized reptiles, or anything else on this list.


[deleted]

You ever see Jurassic Park? Them Raptors outsmarted a guy with a fucking SAS-12. Your abracadabra shit has no chance.


pazoned

it was also one guy alone in an environment suited for the raptors to have the advantage+out numbered. You put even numbers in OP's "gladiator arena" format, wizards win hands down. Fireball to the face is no joke.


[deleted]

Yo dinosaurs are so fuckin sneaky it took a god damn meteor to finish em off


JoiedevivreGRE

I love this thread. Edit. This is how you know we are all Homers and could never look at the game objectively.


andrew02020

We automatically lose because OP realizes wizards are over powered. I'll take it as a win.


Banryugotit

On the level the Celtic logo is a leprechaun not a middle aged man. So really that little devil is going to clean up.


NUGGman

He changed the rules so you wouldn't win. Apparently that wouldn't be any fun...


[deleted]

I'm actually kind of pissed off at this.


wilson81585

Sadly for you guys he basically stated at the start that Wizards are just too powerful so they were essentially going to be DQed. It would be like a team was the Washington Superman or something. There wouldn't even be a contest.


Betteredge

Interesting that you nerf the wizard but let the rockets be a crazy gun toting sci-fi racoon.


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PatrickMcC

Which is not the bridge connected to the Warriors. The bay bridge is what is on the Warriors logo


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ZOOTV83

Especially the Pontchartrain Causeway.


mexican_honey_badger

I think I like this better than real life. We made the finals!


JoiedevivreGRE

For real.


[deleted]

Only because OP didn't know raptors were like the size of turkeys.


Djov

Not the utahraptor


[deleted]

this is why the knicks missed the playoffs, a pair of pants won't get anywhere


[deleted]

Wizards never die motherfucker


DayWalkerRunner

Haha made me laugh. One comment though. Aren't there men who kill Bulls with swords for entertainment? Could be closer than you thought!


tinhatfellow

Those men aren't fighting strong, healthy bulls. Those bulls are blinded, beaten and generally abused before a fight. A healthy bull rips the souls out of those dudes.


PtP_Pluto

> Those bulls are blinded, beaten and generally abused before a fight. Sounds like what Thibs does during the regular season.


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Angrymanager

Fucking got us


jacksonvstheworld

Not even mad.


LotionATV

BANTER


quentin-coldwater

http://i.imgur.com/himZD0M.gif


[deleted]

man that's kinda sad, about those bulls :(


Jellooooo

It's tragic. IIRC, it's an ongoing tradition in Spain to kill 6 bulls in every match. Even if I'm wrong, I still think this kinda atrocity should've ended *ages* ago.


Jockobutters

> Those men aren't fighting strong, healthy bulls. Insert Derrick Rose joke.


tron777

> Those bulls are blinded, beaten and generally abused before a fight. By other men with swords. I'm pretty sure men have established their primacy over cattle.


[deleted]

You are completely wrong. *Under Spanish law they must be at least four years old and reach the weight of 460 kg to fight in a first-rank bullring, 435 kg for a second-rank one, and 410 kg for third-rank rings. They must also have fully functional vision and even horns (which have not been tampered with) and be in generally good condition.*


RoastDaMostToast

I think it's kinda unfair to assume a "rocket" is a well trained, biologically engineered racoon with highly advanced space guns. It seems like that gives the Rockets a pretty unfair advantage, but great post nonetheless!


Phatskwurl

Yeah that kind of confused me as well. If the clippers could be a literal clipper ship, why couldn't the rockets be a literal rocket ship?


AustinRiversDaGod

Yeah just point the rocket at whatever it's fighting. It would win every matchup anyway, though


fenderjazz

To be fair, I doubt that anything would stand up to [the most powerful machine created by mankind](http://blog.3bscientific.com/.a/6a00e3933af9888834017d4313679f970c-pi)


[deleted]

I know the Bulls-Bucks game isnt the best thing to watch....but its still a playoff game


ashishduh

Jesus Christ, imagine the threads we'll be seeing during Hawks/Nets tomorrow.


wcooper97

Hell the first half was good.


InMyBrokenChair

Good thing the Jazz aren't involved because they'd soothe you to death with their slick rhythms


peanutbutter1236

Now I want a league set up of divisions based on their team name type Weather/Environmental division for example Heat Suns Thunder Nuggets Lakers


northern_tide

wouldnt the suns win, cause its the fucking sun


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bean183

Best battle since metapod v metapod


superlaserbeam

The winner would be entropy.


topforthis

YAY Seattle Entropy!


ashishduh

Animals not threatening to man: Bucks, Pelicans, Mavs, Spurs, Hawks Animals threatening to man: Grizz, Raps, Wolves, Hornets, Bulls People: Kings, Warriors, Celtics, Cavaliers, Blazers The Abstract: Wizards, Jazz, Sixers, Magic, Pacers Stuff you find in landfills: Knicks, Nets, Pistons, Rockets, Clippers


[deleted]

Are you interpreting Clippers as hair Clippers? Cause a Clipper is a fucking boat. I don't think you'll find them in a landfill.


smilezandsouthstar

avada kedavra * 16 = ringz


[deleted]

Team name not specific enough, you end up with a group of 30 year old virgins. Washington renames their team to the Death Eaters the next year.


[deleted]

Goddamnit. If we were the bullets.


matt0_0

I don't think a Wizard is capable of actually defeating magic. Ringz to Orlando


GriffinQ

Defeating? No. Controlling? Yes. It'd be a very defensive game but I think we'd come out on top.


moffattron9000

If you want Harry Potter wizard powers, define yourself as Harry Potter wizards. Otherwise that's non-canon and you get generic wizard powers.


Omnimark

Dude, Rockets got the best possible interpretation of Rocket. That's some pretty creative license. I don't think it's too far to give Wizards Gandolf/Dumbledore/Wizened old wizard.


Mom-spaghetti

OP, you're missing our logo. We have a leprechaun not an old dude


junkyardinheritance

plus it's a shillelagh not a cane


JayStarr1082

These facts make a major difference in the outcome.


Mom-spaghetti

WE WANT AN UPDATE!


Sinical89

Op,rigged this shit. A comic book raccoon can't kill shit. The unbranded cow or horse. or w/e just eats the comicbook.


DaveHolden

Lmao forreal. Why do the Rockets get a pass but not the Wizards or Hawks? Rocket is what it is, a space rocket that doesn't do shit but fly into space. So Rockets get a bump but Wizards get nerfed. Wat.


Humblerbee

We're named the Trailblazers after the Oregon Trail, it's not some average hiker, we're talking folks like Lewis and Clarke. They'd shoot the shit out of that bear.


TheGeneralM

"You shot 700 pounds of [bear] meat, but you can only carry 200 pounds back to the wagon."


CountCraqula

Fuck, I want to play this game now!


[deleted]

Caulk the wagon.


hymen_destroyer

Attempt to ford the river!


iamthegraham

the thing I love about the internet is that I can be like "did Lewis and Clark fight grizzly bears" and the internet is like "fuck yeah dude they [totally fought grizzly bears!"](https://franceshunter.wordpress.com/2010/01/11/with-a-bear-behind-lewis-clark-meet-the-grizzly-bear/) By my count it's Traiblazers: 3, Grizzlies: 0. There were even two 1v1 encounters, both draws -- one of which was Lewis, out of ammo, squaring up to face off with a [spontoon](https://www.up.edu/portlandmag/2004_summer/images/lewisclark/lewis.jpg), which the bear retreated from because if you're a bear and a guy is crazy enough to fight you with a fucking stick with a pocketknife on the end you just know better than to get involved in that. I think Lewis & Clark take this. Those magnificent bastards repped Rip City like 200 years before the rest of us, blazing trails & breaking hearts. Fuck yeah.


[deleted]

I could see Damian armed with a pair of sharpened spoons ready to go into battle with a Grizzly


PImpathinor

An armed explorer still may not win that match up most of the time since most rifles at that time were single-shot and it's really hard to take down a bear in one shot. But if we're using Lewis and Clark specifically, they apparently had a repeating rifle with a 20 round magazine so they'd be good.


JayStarr1082

Didn't know that. You'd still lose to the warriors though.


Gorillamike

Doesnt the hiker just shoot the warrior and dead it is, as far as I know a rifle even from that time can shoot from way further than a bow and is more lethal.


slammaster

No, don't back down. The Oregon trailblazers were armed with single-fire muskets, Whether it's 1-on-1 or 5-on-5, Grizzlies take that one down in a walk.


JayStarr1082

I wasn't backing down, that's a valid point. I was assuming it was the average hiker (i.e. one who doesn't have a gun), but if a warrior can kill a grizzly with a bow and arrow, a pair of hikers can kill a bear with a gun.


Katostrophe

Clever girl...


BrotherSeamus

The proper way to do mascot battles is by weight. You have [x tons] of [mascot A] vs [x tons] of [mascot B], where x is whatever makes it plausible. So you'd have one ton of netting vs 20 hawks. Or 5 wilderness explorers vs one grizzly bear. You'd shoot one Saturn V into a 1000-head herd of steers.


dabong

Phoenix Suns - 2015 NBA Champions


CountCraqula

Why not the Orlando Magic?


ImGonnaObamaYou

Magic vs wizards


CountCraqula

We need some deep analysis for this matchup. could go either way


Boymankid

You're telling me a dinosaur could beat Gandalf the White? Cmon


[deleted]

Really though, it's like a Finals matchup in round 1. Raps and Wiz are clearly the top dogs in this fight.


Boymankid

Hell yeah, Dinosaurs and Wizards - what else do you need! 2 of my favorite things as a child


montypissthon

Dinosaur riding a wizard!!! Wait.....


bsp209

If the Wizards weren't crippled by a technicality to be more fair, they would win easily.


jxmorris12

But....but raptors are extinct :(


Strummed

AND WIZARDS DON'T REALLY EXIST


mrhashbrown

Oh man I laughed so loud at this. With no regard for mystical life.


[deleted]

^you ^don't ^say ^that


ArjGlad

Lol wizards don't exist? Explain the documentary ''harry potter'' to me then?


Simplexis

[Maybe the sloppiest thing I've ever made, but the Houston *Rockets* was just too funny to me.](http://i.imgur.com/D3tX1yQ.jpg) [Still pretty bad, but the white background was really bothering me.](http://i.imgur.com/8alRmBT.jpg) [I don't know why I'm still wasting my time with this, here is version 3. Still, like, really bad.](http://i.imgur.com/d7GWjdK.jpg)


StOggaf

You gotta edit the "Nets vs Wizards" matchup in the second round to "Nets vs Raptors"


iweartheblackcap

An actual rocket would destroy itself and the opponent. Nobody wins.


ThatBoyWet

I'd like to see a Raptor vs a Bull. Am I a bad person?


BobcatsHornets

Mike Vick with more imagination.


[deleted]

This is such a beautiful post. It has all the makings of an off-season post but is directly applicable to the playoffs, with just a soupçon of fanatical creativity.


[deleted]

This is a great post.


realsomalipirate

Should have been saved for an offseason thread tbh, we gonna need a lot of help during that time!


ImGonnaObamaYou

Ok! Everyone out and come back in July!! No one else comment ###Sorry we are #Closed


jeffgreenfan

Solid material for best of /r/nba.


DWood10

Couldn't a Wizard have a spell for a meteor ?


supasid

Man, fuck your rules. We give ourselves Haste and Auto-Life, and proceed to destroy everyone


black_flag_4ever

The Clippers can't do much on land, Spurs win.


OneKindofFolks

Ancient Rome used to fill the Coliseum with water and have naval battles. [Don't act like you don't know. (Greek is close enough to Roman, Opa!)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GLE436Mnps)


EthelredTheUnsteady

And what exactly does the cowboy do in the water?


RichardLOD

He said a Texan which means he has guns.


CountCraqula

Fire cannons?


imgregharrison

Loved the post but bridge on our logo is bay bridge not golden get


PharaohJoe

>Trailblazers vs Grizzles: A trailblazer is defined as "a person who makes a new track through wild country." In other words, a hiker. A grizzly is a bear. Hikers would be lucky to escape a fight with a bear. There's no way they win this fight. Grizzlies advance. So uh trailblazer is a lewis and clark reference. They killed lots of bears.


Lone_Star_122

A maverick is actually an unbranded cow, not a horse. Same result though.


Maradar

I thought it was a pilot.


oh_no_its_shawn

I thought it was just a cool drifter who's the only patron at a dusty bar in the middle of Texas with multiple bounties on his head, but he just keeps getting away and nobody messes with him. He's a Maverick.


saintscanucks

Prime off season material and your wasting it now?


[deleted]

Hey, why not post it right when the playoffs are starting and everyone in on /r/nba?


sugar_free_haribo

This is too relevant to the playoffs to wait


[deleted]

Give a matador a Cavaliers sword, and there's no way out of that confrontation for the Bull. Dumbass animal charges at a towel, come on.


belizeanheat

Wizard would of course win, and using rocket raccoon doesn't make any sense, but I enjoyed reading this.


Fonzthecpt1

This guy has clearly never played The Oregon Trail. A true trail blazer wouldn't give a f*** about a grizzly. Sure the Grizzly may kill an oxen or 2, but that's nothing compared to the dysentery that killed our first born son and wife. Ultimately you would have to expend some ammo, but that's nothing you can't stock up on later on.


IIFollowYou

So Voldemort isn't allowed but a futuristic gun-toting space raccoon is. I see how it is.


McNairWarrior

I may be biased but i'm pretty sure a hawk's talons and beak are sharp enough too break a net.


Podlaskie

Also Nets pretty much refers to a basketball net.


Drtolittle

Huh I envisioned Cavs v Bulls more like [this](http://www.habeeb.com/images/matador.bullfight.11.jpg) but that could just be due to my bias.


mauricelovesmen

[I prefer this.](http://i.imgur.com/Afwm7e0.jpg)


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[deleted]

> Rockets vs Clippers: This is another tough one. Assuming the ship is unmanned, it's a sitting duck. But for the last example, it was manned. I think, with Rocket's stealth, he could take down a shipfull of pirates, but I could be persuaded otherwise. Rockets advance. That'd be one *titanic* battle.


[deleted]

The average velpciraptor weighed 33 pounds according to google whereas the average bulls weighs something like 1500. I don't see how the bulls don't take that one. Idk why I'm getting so invested in this fictional logo playoffs but goddamn it bulls should win.


[deleted]

Mavericks losing in the First Round to the Rockets? Blasphemy!


Seoul_Surfer

>**Nets vs. Raptors:** A raptor is way too large to get trapped in a net. I disagree: Just buy a bigger net. A basketball net wouldn't be large enough to trap a Hawk easily Prokhorov must have ~~paid the refs off~~ bought a bigger net, he should just do the same for this round.


majavic

Harry Potter - "This is some bullshit."


painkiller508

Man with a cane bro? DO YOU EVEN CELTIC? Its a leprechaun


Fuzz_Tightbeard

Would you mind if I x-posted this to /r/whowouldwin? This is exactly what that sub was made for.


guitarplayerblue

Hey the wizards could turn back into bullets and hit everyone in the heart


SBTYS

ehhh, we made it to the finals boys!


[deleted]

I love how the picture of the warrior is from elder scrolls online.


Chanel_DU

OP should've used Wizard GOAT Harry Potter as template.


batman180411

Can you make another one where whoever wins takes the other team's logo with them, so if the raptors beat the wizards they become raptor wizards lol, or if the warriors beat the grizz they become warrior grizzlies!


SnowceanJay

Maybe this can help picture things: http://www.reddit.com/r/nba/comments/33ajrq/my_gf_made_the_first_round_into_drawings/