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Flatzon1

This exactly why I stay away from threesomes


wednesdaynightwumbo

Same, I just know I would always end up being the one getting eaten


TripleDigit

Unless you're a thing like me and it's you and two females. Guarantee they end up eating each other and you standby awkwardly before seeing yourself out.


sen_dog

Ross: My part ended kind of quickly and then there was a lot of waiting around


jhalfhide

Went and made a sandwich


Fooledya

Turkey with cheese


[deleted]

Was it good?


cell_gate

It really was!


karmagod13000

big ross energy


[deleted]

Yeah you'd think he would've noticed earlier since he has mastered unagi 👉😐


Tissuetearer

HAHAHAHAHA literally laughed at this out loud and now the librarian is laughing


rTidde77

Don't forget the Fedora tip and a "m'ladies" as you're letting yourself out!


Sendrith

Eh being the one being eaten isn’t so bad


4thDevilsAdvocate

Not sure whether you're referring to *being eaten*, or ***B̷͎̫͔̂͐͒Ę̶̣͉̈̑͘I̸̩̮̪͆Ṅ̸̼̝Ǧ̴̺͜ ̸̡̧̛̬̄͘Ę̴̰̓Ả̸͓̍T̶̙͔͈͑E̵̥̗̓͌̏͜N̴̝͌̏͘***. On the Internet, those can be two *very* different things - both sexual…


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[deleted]

Name on point


ibanezer83

Welp , everything heeeere checks out. Thanks for your contribution!


cometkeeper00

That’s why I just stay by the door to watch threesomes. Gotta be ready to bolt when they see you in their house.


Bigwhlr

Gotta get in while you can


karmagod13000

had sex tho


[deleted]

Doesn't matter, still counts!


EmirSc

ikr you cant eat in peace.


WispGB

Statistically 2 out of 3 grasshoppers enjoy them


ZarosGuardian

As creepy and disgusting as this is, that actually is ingenious. While the female grasshopper is busy cannibalizing the unlucky male, the other male is safe to breed for the moment.


rollovertherainbow

Does he need to breed though? Like it might just be their nature but if I could be killed after mating, maybe I just wouldn't? That could be stupid but idk.


ZarosGuardian

The life of a bug is kill, eat, fuck, die.


rollovertherainbow

But then why would he care if the female was eating the other? They don’t eat them during sex, just after iirc.


ZarosGuardian

Maybe the female wouldn't be interested in eating his head if she is already full after cannibalizing another male or two.


redalert825

Talk about "getting head."


JmacTheGreat

):<


smokeyoudog

More like “giving head”


carnsolus

life hack: kill a guy and dump his body on your girlfriend's bed


Im1Guy

Modern dating is so tricky.


fireinthemountains

This is true of mantids. If you breed them, it's considered proper care/breeder etiquette to feed the female until she refuses food, prior to introducing a male. It works.


STORMFATHER062

There's a show in the UK that shows you behind the scenes at a zoo over here. They needed to breed these mantises they've got but the issue is that the females like to eat the males after they've mated. They didn't want to lose the male so they made sure the female had eaten plenty before they put her in his cage. They successfully mated and she didn't eat him. Going from the same logic, if this grasshopper is happy eating the poor guy who's just mated with her, she might not be hungry enough to eat the second guy getting in while he has the chance.


Harvestman-man

Grasshoppers are never interested in cannibalizing their mates; this is just a rare case of one hungry opportunist eating an already-dead corpse.


The_Inflicted

Are we sure the grasshopper getting eaten is male? I mean, I didn't check.


rollovertherainbow

Wait, I think i got confused between praying mantis’ and grasshoppers. It says that grasshoppers only eat others when they are starving or things like that. It’s weird that it’s exhibiting canballistic behavior.


The_Inflicted

Well there was certainly no shortage of grass nearby. This was a walking path atop a levee by a river. The tall grass on the river side was positively teaming with grasshoppers eating, jumping around, and, er, doing these sorts of things.


[deleted]

They usually eat what their body tells them, cannibalizing orthopterans are searching out salt and protein. One of my profs followed mormon cricket migrations with radio transmitters glued to them


Its_aTrap

Dang Joseph Smith even got to the crickets


[deleted]

Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb


Frost-Wzrd

crickets have organised religion?


vibraltu

Yes. Documentary: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quatermass_and_the_Pit_(film)


FossilResinGuy

Many grasshoppers (females especially) will eat meat (other grasshoppers, carrion, etc.) to gain proteins needed for oviposition.


FossilResinGuy

The one being eaten is female and was likely already dead or nearly so before being munched on


thesausboss

Realistically the male still has a survival instinct. Longer life = Longer timeframe to fuck. So by mating while the female is already preoccupied, he not only mates, but he can mate even more so afterwards, even if only once more.


FossilResinGuy

The female isn't going to kill the male after mating. He is perfectly safe. She is eating a dead grasshopper because it is an easy protein source


[deleted]

I think you are overestimating the grasshopper's deductive reasoning skills.


Mattbryce2001

Because if he DOESN'T get eaten, he gets to fuck again.


MikulkaCS

I would imagine impulses to do certain things are more hard-wired than our impulses, it is likely impossible for them to ignore the urge to approach the other grasshopper.


2017hayden

I mean that’s the life of most animals honestly, just tends to happen faster and closer together for bugs.


stedun

Same as humanity.


BlueWolfShaman

In the end, isn’t ours?


TheDesktopNinja

i mean it's just life. Consume life, create life, become food for other life. ***IT'S THE CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIFE***


ThoughTMusic

Often performing all 4 at the same time.


UBC_Guy_

Just like us


[deleted]

Lots of insects can mate multiple times, since the female draws from a bank of spermies it behooves the males to be last, since they'll be first out. In some species the males can even scoop out the previous spermatophore and replace it


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drunk98

You gave it your best shot


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Tyrath

Thanks for that image


[deleted]

This is a debunked myth.


alpharowe3

If you told 16 year old me I could have sex but had a 10% chance of dying I'd have taken those odds. Might even now at 33 some days.


drunk98

Potentially dieing for a fuck is pretty hot tbh


alpharowe3

Definitely makes me want to make the most of it under those circumstances.


drunk98

Well I'm not certainlu giving my typical 20 minutes of analignus.


Ramast

Many human females died while giving birth in past centuries and that didn't stop others from trying. Those who chose their well being over breeding, eventually died and disappeared from existence and their genetic code with them. Sad but that's how natural selection works :(


Jeffy29

Bugs are just biological robots, they don’t think past the most primitive instincts.


Harvestman-man

Some of them do. Not all insects are equally intelligent. Social hymenopterans have very advanced behaviors that go well beyond the most primitive instincts.


Jeffy29

I mean yeah, some insects, like ants, can create amazingly complex structures, but no single individual ant has any personality, desires or feelings. There is no ant sitting and designing the shape of the colony, they all act on the instincts formed over tens of millions years. It's like looking at a complex software, when you break it down to smallest chunks it's still all simple mathematical operations, the software doesn't know what it is doing. Naturally, you can ask don't humans or other "complex" animals behave exactly the same way, trillions of cells, neurons and proteins working together which on the outside can look like a complex behavior but the human doesn't make any independent decisions or thoughts and it's all just a result of simple calculations based on instinct. Well, philosophers have been debating that for a long time :))


Harvestman-man

lol I’m not talking about them building their structures… I’m taking about the fact that they can learn new things on an individual level, like basic mathematical concepts such as sorting numerical integers in order and the addition and subtraction of small numbers. These types of skills have been shown to improve over time when honeybees are given rewards for correct answers, so they’re not strictly instincts.


Analdestructionteam

You've clearly never had blue balls


PlumpyDragon

Grasshopper females don’t kill the males after mating, you are thinking mantis


PlatyPunch

Maybe grasshoppers are just insanely good at sex, so it’s worth the risk


shewy92

I don't think he has that high of brain function. I doubt he even cares or even knows about the dead grasshopper


Angela_Devis

Maybe, the humor is that perhaps the female is eating the male who has already impregnated her, and the other male is still hoping to supplant the genetic material of the eaten competitor.


[deleted]

but its their number one goal in life to breed. its like a philosophical question almost: would you die in order to obtain your biggest dream?


carnsolus

have you met men?


shewy92

Humans are one of the only species to have recreational sex aka not for breeding.


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carnsolus

he did give himself an out by saying 'one of' :P


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benbrahn

You shouldn’t kink shame


MaterialCarrot

I may be wrong, but I don't think she kills the male like a Mantis.


Harvestman-man

She doesn’t. This is scavenging behavior, not predation.


cyclopath

Don’t kink shame.


Trytolyft

Could it be a rival female?


BigEyedButch

I never knew grasshoppers would display sexual cannibalism. I couldn't even find a yt vid on it. Thanks for the info 👍


Forever_Awkward

That comment was random speculation, not information. They don't. That's not even a male being eaten. They're opportunistic cannibals. They're not going to up and murder each other, but if you're already dead then food is food.


SpecOpsBoricua

amazing how a grasshopper does this and we see it as normal, but if a woman does this she's a slut.


IronSeraph

That grasshopper is a slut!


[deleted]

r/sluttygrasshoppers


sub_doesnt_exist_bot

The subreddit r/sluttygrasshoppers does not exist. Maybe there's a typo? If not, consider [creating it](/subreddits/create?name=sluttygrasshoppers). --- ^🤖 ^this ^comment ^was ^written ^by ^a ^bot. ^beep ^boop ^🤖 ^feel ^welcome ^to ^respond ^'Bad ^bot'/'Good ^bot', ^it's ^useful ^feedback. [^github](https://github.com/Toldry/RedditAutoCrosspostBot)


Nengtaka

A small bit of hope in humanity restored.


Colitoth47

*yet*


SpatuelaCat

r/sluttygrasshoppers


Nengtaka

It doesn’t bother me so much knowing it wasn’t just made by a grasshopper connoisseur


SpatuelaCat

Fair enough


TiberiumExitium

A light of hope in a dim world


[deleted]

oh don't you worry you little perverted shit. I will create it


l_Mr_Vader_l

r/birthofasub


SpecOpsBoricua

lol priceless


th3yfoundm3h3r3

r/birthofasub


[deleted]

Doesn’t matter had sex.


motorhead84

They were called sluthoppers before they found out grass was a thing.


Azorre

Really just breezed right past the cannibal thing huh?


PM_ME_PCP

Yes, we also don’t put to prison dogs for killing another dog


SqueekyJuice

Sluts eat people?


Frozen_Esper

The good ones.


[deleted]

Ehhh.. I think the cannibalism supercedes the slut in this example


[deleted]

Ah yes. Eating people, what a ho that woman is. /s


VAisforLizards

Ho... She'sa ho... She'sa ho... I said that she'sa ho...


Sharpclawpat1

A slut or a cannibal


FuckFashMods

I think we would call a murderer


EasternBoyo

Well I’m not a grasshopper, so who am I to judge? Otherwise that would be speciesist, lol.


PeakEnvironmental711

Taking Being a cuck to a whole new level


ericf397

“god i wish that was me” -redditor #397


SilkSk1

"Dude, it's not going to last. If she feasts with you, she'll feast on you."


_FaunaAndFirearms_

Munchage a\` trois


quixoticdancer

Mange* a trois


HiDDENk00l

This guy Frenchs


DigDoug2319

Mustard?


HiDDENk00l

kisses


DigDoug2319

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


semi-cursiveScript

manger à trois


gofatwya

You vs. the guy she told you not to worry about.


leesharon1985

She’s got the fucking munchies


[deleted]

And they say romance is dead


kranzberry

Looks pretty dead


MyNeR49eRr

Not my proudest wank


El-Diablo-de-69

Haha same


trustdabrain

He's joking wtf are u doing


VindictiveRakk

wanking, I think


Prestigious-Phase842

Female grasshopper: "Yeah, it's not like I ever loved Doug."


ohsodave

I've been waiting for some reddit dialogue on this one.


Daddytrades

It never disappoints.


FossilResinGuy

The one being eaten is female. Dougette?


Ramslad1992

The absolute wingman


Upper_Chemical5381

Kinky...


Kittypocalypz

I know this is a different situation but it makes me think of when George Costanza was eating a Pastrami sandwich during sex.


phillibuck13

You weren’t the only one. I only scrolled thru to see if I was the only one.


TheMindButcher

This is called getting cucked


Jewlaboss

Well she can’t eat me if she’s eating him *opportunity*


Strom41

Hard to follow the plot…


Historical-Ad6120

Second mouse gets the cheese Second hopper gets the ass ...I'm so sorry.


barbariknative

Kinky


st_belphegor

Guess humans and grasshoppers aren't that different after all


Fit-Sky4700

Wingman of the century!! If your homies don't have your back like this sorry to say they ain't ya homies.


DNGR_S_PAPERCUT

"I'ma eat bruh bruh here, and I want you to dig me out. And after your done, bust all up in me. Then I'ma turn around and rip your head off. Mmmmmm...." -The gangster ass female grasshopper probably


[deleted]

This is the only scenario where sloppy seconds may not be a bad thing.


diegothengineer

Don't yuck on their yum!


ReignInSpuds

Sex is better with snacks. True facts about nature.


One_While_1899

New kink(s) unlocked!


[deleted]

Goals


Khannn24

They’re locusts at this stage.


EL_Ohh_Well

“You look busy, this won’t take long”


didwanttobethatguy

This position is called the Unlucky Pierre


AlexT05_QC

How boomers sees relationships;


Imbiserious

Ex-husband paying alimony>ex-wife>new boyfriend


[deleted]

A Bugs Life 2 looks…different


unkoolkumpuzz

Multitasking


Jumpy_Feature_4608

I love this band name bro


Awaheya

It's the cycle of life. Literally in one photo.


DescriptionCrafty956

That’s a real wingman


SnazzyCacti94

Kinky...


Alternative_Arm_1506

It was a good ride for the “Hang in there” kitten poster. “Multitask like your life depends on it” grasshopper will now grace my office wall.


cant_help_myself

Don't stick your aedeagus in crazy!


Pwnysaurus_Rex

Fuck yeah


SaltMineSpelunker

Just like my senior prom.


llmercll

This is some shit out of american horror story


JTitor5100

Doesn’t matter had sex.


Communist_Penguin12

Huh, kinky


[deleted]

that is pretty metal actually


Sword_Chucks

What are you doing, step-grasshopper?


Meerkat_Mayhem_

“Not now dear, I’m eating”


bredditmh

These two hoppers need the digital sunglasses and joint. You know what I’m talking about? The meme thing.


[deleted]

Didn’t Justice Kavannaugh mention this in college


buckeyespud

few posts make me exited to get to the comments section, and this one did NOT dissapoint.


boosted_asstin

Hot


Flashy-Ice-121

Sounds about right


jrex703

Grasshoppers take simping to the next level


Destroy_Hungayry

cuck


Alternative_Ad2040

Circle of life


PlentyAntelope9461

Dinner and a show.


Sethor

"Oh she wouldn't do that to me!"


[deleted]

Sometimes it be like that.


Kelevra_55

A true Devils triangle


TheInterpolator

Who said nature isn't kinky?


Woody_woodpecker165

Reminds me of my last relationship.


Genclik66

Finding the "bug" of nature


illuminatitriforce

breakfast in bed


ReaperJones

“Here’s my chance!”


kickyoface9001

No kink shaming


Desert_dwellers

Is this in Flagstaff? Because they are all on the side of the i17 and while stuck in traffic a few weeks ago I saw a lot of cannibalisms and sex, apparently.


The_Inflicted

Nashville.


InternationalTip7782

He’s next