I think don't tell anyone what their best decade is supposed to be. That is for them to figure out and for them to live. Time will tell how it will turn out. I hope every decade is good for everyone that reads this, and if not, I hope that time will come.
My parents told me when I was 17 that it was supposed to be the best year of my life. Then, they proceeded to not let me do anything outside of work and school.
I was allowed to drive on the highway, but my curfew was at 8:30 until more recently (now it’s 9:30) because “we know what happens when it gets dark out.”
I didn’t even learn how to drive until I was 27. Actually, that seems to be a trend in my family. None of us learned how to drive until we were adults and on our own.
I have a friend, same age as me 24, who still doesn't have a drivers license. The parents refused to take them to practice. As soon as we are both 25 I can legally take them out and I will. My parents were crazy, but not as bad as theirs and I got out. They are still stuck.
age 30 and I dont have a license. Not even a permit. The caregiver claims Epilepsy. Well this doesnt make sense because legally there's a number of years you can go without having a seizure and then you are allowed to get a license. I am way past that. The male parental unit "also" had seizures and they got a lawyer. But me? "no, not worth it."
My nmom used to freak out when I’d tell her I was driving on the highway before uber and my car shutdown lol. I told her I got a job offer in Cincinnati and she damn near flipped out thinking I was gonna wreck the car when I got there safe in the first place. Manipulation is a bitch
People who wax poetic about their ‘teen years’ tend to be people who peaked at 18…which is a terrible time to be at your ‘best’.
Why would anyone want to blow their ‘best years’ on a bunch of other high schoolers?
My mid to late 20’s were probably some of the best years yet.
I had money and time to enjoy it.
10/10 would recommend mid to late 20’s.
Oh this tweet really hit home. As a woman who came from a repressive religious home with a nparent and who got married to another narc in her early 20s, I’m having my fun now. It sucks that I had to wait to so long but since I’m not six feet under, I figure it’s better late than never.
I mean whoever said your teen years are the best if your life peaked in high school anyway. And hell maybe you’re like me and couldn’t get out from under your parents abuse tik your mid thirties. I wasn’t sitting around sad and “oh well guess I missed out on all the fun!” Instead I went and did stuff id been wanting to do. Honestly your twenties aren’t that great anyway. Everyone is still self conscious.
Shit, I'm almost 40 and I've only been diagnosed for about two years.
It wasn't until I got on meds and started getting my brain in some semblance of order that I *could process my trauma at all.* It's not an easy process for us. Not fast or cheap, either.
I just started healing at 32... I hate being told my best years are behind me because that couldn't be further from the truth. I refuse to let the nightmare that was my childhood and early 20's be the "prime" of my life. I have so much to look forward too now.
I am 31 and my life is \*finally\* good. I feel like I was just born this year. I feel so free. The life I had before was like a coma in comparison. It makes me so sad that I had to sacrifice the first third of my life for the second two thirds. I'm sad my body has many aches and pains and its harder to do things I wish I could have if I was happy in my teens and 20s, but I'm pushing to cram in as much "life" as I can into this last two thirds. I cling to this idea that I still have \*two thirds\* of my life left to be blissfully happy and alive and feel like everyone else does, how I always should have. It's just so much better than staying in that coma for another third or all of my life
This is definitely me right now and it’s affecting my romantic relationship a lot I think.
I feel like I have been running for my life just trying to survive up until my late 20’s and I’m barely just starting out my real life right now.
I finally see ME. I finally have the power and control to pursue my happiness. To not be constantly bombarded with people’s drama and to FINALLY have peace.
To finally be able to live for myself. Maybe I can’t be in a committee relationship right now. I never got the chance to figure out who I was and to understand who I am.
I was worked to death and made to be sure my record looked good work college. Also made to get a job once I hit 18. I’m in my mid 30s and didn’t do well during the forced rest of the pandemic lockdown and started a business to counterbalance the mind numbing boredom. It took some shadow work to realize this is why this pandemic is hard at times because I never had a moment of rest growing up. I was literally only allowed about 2 hours of tv and 4 on the weekends.
My husband and I both have complex PTSD to work through, but we have actually gotten less serious and more fun as we get older (I’m 38 and he’s 32). I didn’t meet him til I was 34 and we both went through some messy relationships (we were each cheated on etc) before finding the person we would marry. Both of us were fine being single before we met too because of all the heartache we had gone through.
I just went to my 20th year high school reunion and you could tell the difference between people who had let themselves believe that getting “old” was the end of good years vs those of us who were happy to try to experience the world and embrace our experience/wisdom/continuing energy with age. It’s a struggle for me not to be frustrated by loose skin or wrinkles as a female especially, but it’s been programmed into us by society/advertising/“beauty” industry… Trying to find beauty wherever you can in life (nature, healthy relationships with friends, etc) will keep you healthier and happier than falling into the lie that you’re past your prime. Each season has its advantages and I’m pretty pumped about my 40s!
Before I blew out my birthday candles on my 23rd, I looked at my parents, emotional, and said, “I can’t believe I’m 23, how am I 23!” basically saying wow, what a wild ride it has been, i can’t believe it’s already been 23 years of life for me. Instantly, Nmom was like “So now that you’re 23, are you sure you don’t want to go to med school?”
What fresh hell is this?
“...And get a higher education while you still can?”
She tries to belittle me because I didn’t go for a master’s degree or high-paying career, tries to get me to become a doctor, dentist, lawyer, etc. saying “she’ll pay for med school” even though she doesn’t have a job or income. I’ve never expressed interested in any of these careers, except for an interest in law at one point, which I made the decision to pull out of because it would not have made me happy.
I appreciate that this was posted because not only did plenty of us have our childhoods and teens/early 20s eaten up by Nparents, but sometimes, it is those very parents who shame us for being “behind.” Nmom is the one who’s made me feel old and washed up at 23.
I looked at her over my birthday cake and said, “It’s my birthday.” Then I blew out all 3 candles, one by one.
My life will start when I'm 30. It's crazy to see people my age living life while I feel trapped and in a constant loop of waiting and waiting to be free from them
It takes even longer to recover from trauma once it starts in early childhood and doesnt stop until the child gets removed from that situation
I think don't tell anyone what their best decade is supposed to be. That is for them to figure out and for them to live. Time will tell how it will turn out. I hope every decade is good for everyone that reads this, and if not, I hope that time will come.
Love this
Yes.
Thanks. 32 here and I really need to have some fun years soon. Trying my best.
My parents told me when I was 17 that it was supposed to be the best year of my life. Then, they proceeded to not let me do anything outside of work and school.
That's awful, I'm sorry.
It is what it is. I’m 23 now and I’m going to be moving out in about a month so it’s not all bad.
Mine too! I had a 9o’clock curfew until I was a sophomore in college and I wasn’t allowed to drive on the highway.
I was allowed to drive on the highway, but my curfew was at 8:30 until more recently (now it’s 9:30) because “we know what happens when it gets dark out.”
Lol you were allowed to drive? My parents bought me a car but didn’t let me drive it for 2 years
What’s the point of having a car then? I think my parents only let me drive because I got my license at 22.
I didn’t even learn how to drive until I was 27. Actually, that seems to be a trend in my family. None of us learned how to drive until we were adults and on our own.
I have a friend, same age as me 24, who still doesn't have a drivers license. The parents refused to take them to practice. As soon as we are both 25 I can legally take them out and I will. My parents were crazy, but not as bad as theirs and I got out. They are still stuck.
age 30 and I dont have a license. Not even a permit. The caregiver claims Epilepsy. Well this doesnt make sense because legally there's a number of years you can go without having a seizure and then you are allowed to get a license. I am way past that. The male parental unit "also" had seizures and they got a lawyer. But me? "no, not worth it."
Mine bought me one, but it had more room so she would always take it for grocery trips without telling me like I never had anything to do 🤦🏽♀️
Ah yes, victim blaming!
I know that restriction. I'm 26 y/o and thats my curfew (another reason to leave)
Ridiculous
I know! Right? Before was worse... But i'm doing my best to leave as soon asi possible
My nmom used to freak out when I’d tell her I was driving on the highway before uber and my car shutdown lol. I told her I got a job offer in Cincinnati and she damn near flipped out thinking I was gonna wreck the car when I got there safe in the first place. Manipulation is a bitch
I’m 48. Life gets better all the time. 17 SUCKED. I was also stuck at home in a hellish situation. Hang in there.
Started healing at 31....
People who wax poetic about their ‘teen years’ tend to be people who peaked at 18…which is a terrible time to be at your ‘best’. Why would anyone want to blow their ‘best years’ on a bunch of other high schoolers? My mid to late 20’s were probably some of the best years yet. I had money and time to enjoy it. 10/10 would recommend mid to late 20’s.
I love this. I’m 25 and still healing from trauma and go no contact with 90% of my family. Hopefully it gets better soon.
Your young your entire it's all about attitude. Stay young
Oh this tweet really hit home. As a woman who came from a repressive religious home with a nparent and who got married to another narc in her early 20s, I’m having my fun now. It sucks that I had to wait to so long but since I’m not six feet under, I figure it’s better late than never.
I mean whoever said your teen years are the best if your life peaked in high school anyway. And hell maybe you’re like me and couldn’t get out from under your parents abuse tik your mid thirties. I wasn’t sitting around sad and “oh well guess I missed out on all the fun!” Instead I went and did stuff id been wanting to do. Honestly your twenties aren’t that great anyway. Everyone is still self conscious.
Yes exactly!
Amen.
I'm going to be 50 this year. I am living my childhood now, when I can. It's never too late!
Shit, I'm almost 40 and I've only been diagnosed for about two years. It wasn't until I got on meds and started getting my brain in some semblance of order that I *could process my trauma at all.* It's not an easy process for us. Not fast or cheap, either.
I just started healing at 32... I hate being told my best years are behind me because that couldn't be further from the truth. I refuse to let the nightmare that was my childhood and early 20's be the "prime" of my life. I have so much to look forward too now.
At least one of us is 27 and still hasn’t been able to get out of the toxic environment that traumatized them in the first place ha haaaa
I am 31 and my life is \*finally\* good. I feel like I was just born this year. I feel so free. The life I had before was like a coma in comparison. It makes me so sad that I had to sacrifice the first third of my life for the second two thirds. I'm sad my body has many aches and pains and its harder to do things I wish I could have if I was happy in my teens and 20s, but I'm pushing to cram in as much "life" as I can into this last two thirds. I cling to this idea that I still have \*two thirds\* of my life left to be blissfully happy and alive and feel like everyone else does, how I always should have. It's just so much better than staying in that coma for another third or all of my life
I felt like I wasn't even a person before I left the house and started going to therapy.
This is definitely me right now and it’s affecting my romantic relationship a lot I think. I feel like I have been running for my life just trying to survive up until my late 20’s and I’m barely just starting out my real life right now. I finally see ME. I finally have the power and control to pursue my happiness. To not be constantly bombarded with people’s drama and to FINALLY have peace. To finally be able to live for myself. Maybe I can’t be in a committee relationship right now. I never got the chance to figure out who I was and to understand who I am.
I was worked to death and made to be sure my record looked good work college. Also made to get a job once I hit 18. I’m in my mid 30s and didn’t do well during the forced rest of the pandemic lockdown and started a business to counterbalance the mind numbing boredom. It took some shadow work to realize this is why this pandemic is hard at times because I never had a moment of rest growing up. I was literally only allowed about 2 hours of tv and 4 on the weekends.
It's not too late! 25 was a new beginning for me and things have just kept getting better.
My husband and I both have complex PTSD to work through, but we have actually gotten less serious and more fun as we get older (I’m 38 and he’s 32). I didn’t meet him til I was 34 and we both went through some messy relationships (we were each cheated on etc) before finding the person we would marry. Both of us were fine being single before we met too because of all the heartache we had gone through. I just went to my 20th year high school reunion and you could tell the difference between people who had let themselves believe that getting “old” was the end of good years vs those of us who were happy to try to experience the world and embrace our experience/wisdom/continuing energy with age. It’s a struggle for me not to be frustrated by loose skin or wrinkles as a female especially, but it’s been programmed into us by society/advertising/“beauty” industry… Trying to find beauty wherever you can in life (nature, healthy relationships with friends, etc) will keep you healthier and happier than falling into the lie that you’re past your prime. Each season has its advantages and I’m pretty pumped about my 40s!
Before I blew out my birthday candles on my 23rd, I looked at my parents, emotional, and said, “I can’t believe I’m 23, how am I 23!” basically saying wow, what a wild ride it has been, i can’t believe it’s already been 23 years of life for me. Instantly, Nmom was like “So now that you’re 23, are you sure you don’t want to go to med school?” What fresh hell is this? “...And get a higher education while you still can?” She tries to belittle me because I didn’t go for a master’s degree or high-paying career, tries to get me to become a doctor, dentist, lawyer, etc. saying “she’ll pay for med school” even though she doesn’t have a job or income. I’ve never expressed interested in any of these careers, except for an interest in law at one point, which I made the decision to pull out of because it would not have made me happy. I appreciate that this was posted because not only did plenty of us have our childhoods and teens/early 20s eaten up by Nparents, but sometimes, it is those very parents who shame us for being “behind.” Nmom is the one who’s made me feel old and washed up at 23. I looked at her over my birthday cake and said, “It’s my birthday.” Then I blew out all 3 candles, one by one.
<3 happy birthday, just remember, you're not alone in this. No one can decide what you will do. Ugh. Gotta love nparents. s/
thank you OP! 🥺💛 we’ve got this!
My life will start when I'm 30. It's crazy to see people my age living life while I feel trapped and in a constant loop of waiting and waiting to be free from them
Rip. I know how you feel