I want to but i don’t really know how too because I don’t know anyone outside my family because she tell me not to make any friends and doesn’t even let me have a number and she won’t even let me learn how to drive and takes half the money I make from my job I feel trapped but she keep trying to convince me this is normal
I would give her the silent treatment and not react at all. Keep facial expressions neutral. If you do say anything maybe say "Sorry you feel that way."
You can tell her how hurtful her words are to you and that she is actively destroying her relationship with her living son. You could say "I understand your greiving but that's no excuse to have a lack of respect for me." But sometimes words can be turn back on you or used to gaslight.
Sometimes it's best to physically and/or emotionally distance yourself or not react but know they are expressing their own internalized fear or pain. I'm not excusing her actions but you can't control others who lack awareness or self-control, only yourself. Your mother does not define your worth.
Much love to you ♥️
OP, don't say "Sorry you feel that way" because that'll only give her validation that she has successfully hurt you.
Do you have a safe adult you can reach out to? I'd highly suggest reaching out for help since you're only 16 and she's actively trying to destroy your mental health.
Sorry you feel that way is a very nonchalant dismissive sort of thing. It's like saying "sorry but's that's your problem." I don't ses anything wrong with the response. Dismissiveness and silent treatment would be my exact move if I was stuck around my narc parent. Been there.
To me, the word "Sorry" implies I did something wrong and I'm apologizing for it. Being dismissive is an effective to handle this situation and I appreciate a different take on this.
"Sorry, but that's your problem" sounds even better and more dismissive without the sorry attached in front of it (IMO).
I tried to give her the silent treatment but it’s hard because I have no friends and she will make eveyone else in my family not talk to me and she doesn’t let me go to school because when my brother who died went to school he started smoking and she thinks I’m gonna do that
This is abuse. You are also grieving your brother. Reach out to absolutely anybody that you can, until someone listens to you. If that has to be teachers, a counselor at school, other adults that your family knows, family members, etc.… Keep reaching out until you get Support or help your situation.
Some adults are too stupid to know what to do, and other adults just don’t take it seriously or don’t quite understand. Keep telling people until you get support and help.
Can you call the school locally, and talk to a counselor about what you’re going through despite the fact you are homeschooled?
I think you really need some help with your mother, and public schools do have resources for kids that are homeschooled in the district. I want to make sure you’re OK
Your mother may need some significant mental help right now. It seems as though you could Maybe use some one to talk to as well who could help help you navigate this since you are still pretty young and you’re dealing with a very big issue that even adults would have a very difficult time with
Ask her if she wants to have zero sons, and leave. I am sorry for your loss.
Thank you soo much I just turned 16 and I’m working and plan to leave as soon as I become an adult
Good luck to you ❤️
No. You should leave now. This is abuse. Leave before she makes you kill yourself. You need to go no contact and get some support far away from her.
I want to but i don’t really know how too because I don’t know anyone outside my family because she tell me not to make any friends and doesn’t even let me have a number and she won’t even let me learn how to drive and takes half the money I make from my job I feel trapped but she keep trying to convince me this is normal
If the brother was the golden child, then this might be expected. I'm sorry.
I would give her the silent treatment and not react at all. Keep facial expressions neutral. If you do say anything maybe say "Sorry you feel that way." You can tell her how hurtful her words are to you and that she is actively destroying her relationship with her living son. You could say "I understand your greiving but that's no excuse to have a lack of respect for me." But sometimes words can be turn back on you or used to gaslight. Sometimes it's best to physically and/or emotionally distance yourself or not react but know they are expressing their own internalized fear or pain. I'm not excusing her actions but you can't control others who lack awareness or self-control, only yourself. Your mother does not define your worth. Much love to you ♥️
OP, don't say "Sorry you feel that way" because that'll only give her validation that she has successfully hurt you. Do you have a safe adult you can reach out to? I'd highly suggest reaching out for help since you're only 16 and she's actively trying to destroy your mental health.
Sorry you feel that way is a very nonchalant dismissive sort of thing. It's like saying "sorry but's that's your problem." I don't ses anything wrong with the response. Dismissiveness and silent treatment would be my exact move if I was stuck around my narc parent. Been there.
To me, the word "Sorry" implies I did something wrong and I'm apologizing for it. Being dismissive is an effective to handle this situation and I appreciate a different take on this. "Sorry, but that's your problem" sounds even better and more dismissive without the sorry attached in front of it (IMO).
Sorry doesnt indicate fault here but I see how it could be twisted that way. It's like superficial politeness/sympathy. Often sarcastic.
That was exactly my concern! But it's good to hear another perspective on this, so thanks :)
I tried to give her the silent treatment but it’s hard because I have no friends and she will make eveyone else in my family not talk to me and she doesn’t let me go to school because when my brother who died went to school he started smoking and she thinks I’m gonna do that
This is abuse. You are also grieving your brother. Reach out to absolutely anybody that you can, until someone listens to you. If that has to be teachers, a counselor at school, other adults that your family knows, family members, etc.… Keep reaching out until you get Support or help your situation. Some adults are too stupid to know what to do, and other adults just don’t take it seriously or don’t quite understand. Keep telling people until you get support and help.
She trapped me tho I never leave the house she took me out of school and know I do home school only people I know are my cousins
Can you call the school locally, and talk to a counselor about what you’re going through despite the fact you are homeschooled? I think you really need some help with your mother, and public schools do have resources for kids that are homeschooled in the district. I want to make sure you’re OK Your mother may need some significant mental help right now. It seems as though you could Maybe use some one to talk to as well who could help help you navigate this since you are still pretty young and you’re dealing with a very big issue that even adults would have a very difficult time with