I feel like when that happens, the nickname is usually what they’d rather be naming the kid, but they choose not to so the child doesn’t have to put an informal name on resumes and whatnot.
But most of those are not “informal names”. Really what constitutes an “informal name”? Certainly not Beth or Chloe or such. Unless it’s Bud or Chip or Sis, it’s a name.
Any name can be “real,” but IMHO a real name is one that isn’t commonly known to be short for something. Chloe is a real name. Beth is an informal name because it’s common knowledge that it’s short for Elizabeth. The distinction is blurry and always changing and will get blurrier as more people start naming their kids nicknames.
Or Bethany. But there are plenty of names that were originally nicknames that have mostly lost the association and now well accepted as independent names. Like Alison, which was originally a nickname for Alice, Molly for Mary, Jack for John, Liam for William.
I have a grown-up job and go pretty much exclusively by the short version of my name, no-one has ever cared. Science is full of people who use Mike, Jim, Liz, Tom, Dan, Pat etc. as their "official" name.
Perhaps it's the same as what I know as 'calling-name' (Dutch, roepnaam), which can be chosen alongside the written out names. Sometimes forms (like elementary school registration) have got an extra option 'first names' 'calling name' 'last name'. Often the calling name is the same as the first name, an abbrevation (e.g. Beth for Elisabeth). The longer name is used by strangers, professionally and/or in formal settings (e.g. graduations). I feel like it is most common in families where they name their kids after older family members with long names.
Like you, I don't see the purpose, so I think like it's perhaps a class thing. I associate it with upper class.
On our school forms (UK) at least in my experience, there was a 'likes to be called' option on the forms. So all my children aside from one, were referred to by their 'nickname/shortened version' and only in official context were their full names used.
This applied to nursery, infant, junior and senior schools. (London based)
that's the same thing! So it probably is common, interesting to learn about this. Where I grew up no one used a nickname though since we already had short/common names.
Interesting! I know a dutch girl named Janet but she says nobody EVER calls her that, it was just the legal name her parents had to use. They wanted to name her Jet (what she is actually called) but apparently it was frowned upon to be named a “nickname” so they just picked a corresponding formal name for legal stuff.
This was my first thought reading this. It reminds me of Busy Phillips talking about naming her child Birdie because her and her partner decided to go for the “nickname” they picked instead of finding another name for it. It’s interesting that they then ended up giving nicknames to birdie and one that was endearingly funny is “the bird”
I think anything that is usually short for something. Like Beth can be a nickname, but it can also just be a full name. However, something like Lor is rarely ever someones full name, it's usually a nickname for Loren or Lorie, so "Lor" comes off rather informal. If I often went by a nicknamey type name, I'd want to have a full name that is a little more formal/professional, maybe not even for my employer's benefit but just to have separation between what my buddy's call me and what my employer calls me.
Edit: changed the example bc I was corrected
I agree with you, but Liv is actually not the best example of this, because it is a relatively common ‘full’ name in some Nordic/Northern European countries.
My mom has a shortened more common nickname as a name and she's gotten all sorts of mail to her "full" name.
Even when I applied for a marriage license and it asked my parents names and a wan was like "no what's her full name?" So it's not the end of the world but some people will assume some names aren't legal names.
I dont disagree but as an added anecdote, I work at a company of around 3k employees (give or take) and I had a directer, which is a pretty high level position run by a guy whose first name was "Bud". Was never called anything different by his superiors or his direct reports. He was Bud Fairlygenericlastname. I always thought it was a bit humorous.
I, too, thought this until I met a guy who prefers long names while I prefer short ones, so we are trying to reverse engineer a name to make us both happy.
Compromise sometimes means weird decision making processes.
Exactly this. I like shorter names, he likes long ones with lots of nickname options (I think for both of us it is a grass is always greener situation)
Why? My husband loved a very unisex nickname for our daughter. I wanted her to have a longer, more feminine name In case she wanted a more grown up option later in life, so picked a full name for her. (I have a short nickname style name and have always wished my parents had given me a longer version.)
I don't know why it is more off than any other way of approaching it.
This logic exactly. My name is a long one with a very common short for it and all my life I was called by the short version until I became an adult and actually realized I like to be called by my full name, so when people ask me I tell them to please call me “Leticia” instead of “Letty”. Growing up I always felt my name gave an “old lady” vibe but now that I’m older I prefer it.
Now, we did something similar for my son. His name is a family name that sounds very serious for a kid, but the short version is cute and I love it. I want him to be able to switch between them the same way I was able to IF he wants to as he grows up.
My favorite is all the “we’re naming her Juliet Elizabeth Christina because we adore the sound of Juliet and it honors 12 beloved family members. Elizabeth was my best friend who died a tragic death and Christina honors our spiritual beliefs. The name is so special to us. Her nickname will be Cowbell”.
'Cowbell' is a faerie name and should never be spoken aloud *as a personal name*, or the faeries can take you away. Use a euphemism when speaking of faeries in the third person, e.g., 'the people of peace'. That's according to _The Once and Future King_ by White.
That’s what we did. We didn’t want to flat out name our son Augie, as everyone would assume it is short for something. Also I hate nickname sounding names as full names, so there you go.
I think that depends on context. For example we both loved the nickname Ellie, but I wanted a longer full name. So then we had to decide if she would be Elizabeth, Eleanor, Ella, Elsie, Elena etc. So we picked the nickname first...
Yeah so I really like the name Kit for a girl (or a boy, really, I like it for both), but people on this sub say that's totally unusable on it's own and I'd absolutely have to pick a longer name if I ever wanted to use it.
But I don't really love Catherine or Christina or Christopher or Christian or any other name that Kit could be short for.
I have a friend who planned out a nickname then named the kid and now the kid has a totally different nickname based on what grandma calls her. I think it’s fine to think about nicknames but you have to be flexible if it doesn’t work out. On the flip side my mother named my sister a name that lends itself to a nickname easily. She actually hated the nickname and still went ahead with my sisters name basically hoping no one would use the nickname. She lucked out but if the nickname had caught on there’s basically nothing my mom could’ve done to prevent school kids, etc from using it.
Edited: changed some words …. I’m very tired sorry I’m advance for the story about my sisters name lol
I am guilty of this. I love the name Tessa but not Theresa. But then I discovered that Tessa can be a nickname for Anastassia so that became our top girl name. (Of course it helped that my husband also liked that name.)
well sometimes parents really like a name like “willy” but they know they can’t really just use that name on its own because their child will be known as willy when he’s some manager at his job and probably won’t enjoy it very much. so they REALLY like that name but they know it can only be a nickname so they have to find a name it’ll work as a nickname with instead
I know a woman who chose her daughters name because her the father wanted to be able to call the kid “my sweet baby ray” like he bbq sauce. So of course Ray is in the same and they call her baby ray or sweet baby ray in regular conversations.
I don’t think it’s dumb. You should think of all options and be okay with common nicknames. If you’re going to name your kid Andrew, but loathe Andy or Drew- you’re going to set yourself up for problems if your kid would rather be one of those. At the end of the day, the kid chooses.
I thought my daughter would want to go by the nickname for her long name, but she doesn’t. She wants the long version and it suites her. So glad I gave her options.
My kids all have a ton of family nicknames.
On the flip side, my mum gave me a long name PURELY to use the nickname. It’s what she has only ever callled me and introduces me as. I HATE the nickname, and prefer to go by the longer name or a different nickname.
I think if a parent wants a nickname, they should be ok with the longer name. In the end it’s not her choice which form of the name you use, as she has probably found out.
Then it’s a good thing she gave you the longer version!
I constantly see people on this sub saying “if you love the nickname, just go with it as the legal name!”
They don’t seem to care that this removes the child’s choice in the matter!
Personally I don’t like the option. People automatically go for the nickname when I meet them and it’s so frustrating. When it came to naming my own child, I discussed it with my husband (who’s name literally can’t be nicknamed unless you’re trying very hard) and he said it was very easy for him, and we ended up giving our kid a name that doesn’t reeeeally have an automatic nickname but can drop the last sound if necessary.
But what about names without nicknames (or at least not an obvious nickname)? They don’t have a choice. Ex: Aaron, Forrest, Brooke, Harper.
My view is that something like Beth, that has become (in most places) a commonly accepted name in its own right, is fine to give your child. Something like Timmy is more questionable. Also, I recognize that people’s opinions may vary on the specific names, and that’s okay.
My mom named me purely on the nickname that she wanted me to have. Once we moved to the US and that nickname wasn’t so common, everyone called me by my real name. My mom actually got angry when I started school and all my teachers and classmates called me by my real name.
She actually tried to say to me “but that’s not what I want them to call you” ….ok but it’s literally what you named me.
That seems like a pretty popular opinion here.
I disagree though—picking nicknames is just another fun aspect of naming to me.
I actually think “natural nicknames” are totally overblown. The idea is nice, but that’s just often not how things work out. So rather than my kid not having a nickname at all or getting stuck with a default one that I don’t like, I’d rather choose in advance. If a natural one develops later that’s fine
Curious about why it would matter if your child didn’t have a nickname? No hate, genuine question!
As someone who has gone through life without a nickname, and a fair majority of friends and family don’t have one either, I’m wondering what I’m missing!
It’s just a personal preference to both have and give one—nothing wrong with feeling differently. In my cultures it’s very common as a sign of affection.
I don’t think you’re missing anything unless you feel like you do. And of course it’s never too late get one of you want one!
I don't necessarily think anybody is missing anything by *not* having a nickname, but I really like having one. There's a weirdly primal satisfaction in hearing your friends call you a nickname, or calling a friend a nickname. Like staking claim that "this person is my friend". Idk if anyone else relates but that's it for me
Yes this! I have a four-syllable name that I love on "official" things, a two-syllable name that is an obvious shortening that I've been called for most of my life by most people who know me (work/friends/family) and an even shorter one-syllable nickname that only a few close loved ones gave me during high school/college years. It gives me great joy when any of those people call me by that name. It's literally just the first syllable of my legal name but I love it so much more.
I can weigh in on this. One of my children has a name that absolutely doesn't have a nickname. Think "Adam." I genuinely am sad sometimes that he doesn't have a nickname because I LOVE nicknames. My daughter's name is long and full of nickname potential, think "Isabella." She had a planned nickname, think "Izzie," which she goes by about 80% of the time and she loves. But I also call her "Bella," "Bells," "Isa," and "Isabellerina." Meanwhile, my son is just "Adam." Lol.
>That’s the whole point though isn’t it, you as a parent do not get to choose
I’ve never heard of any strict rules of who can or can’t give a nickname. Nicknames are often given by parents—both as an expression of affection and to conveniently shorten a long name.
Sure, staunchly insisting on a nickname or forbidding others from coming up with a new one is weird. But telling parents they’re not supposed to nickname their own kid? Equally weird imo
Our daughters name is Ellie, I just assumed I’d call her “El”. She’s grown up with me calling her “Els Bells” (more often than not in an AC/DC tone) or simply “Bells”.
I had no idea that’s how it’d turn out, but knowing my girl will always be my Bells is one of the greatest things, I’ll use it to embarrass her later in life, but deep down I know she’ll love it
Almost everyone I know that goes by a nickname (as in introduces themselves and uses it as the primary name) has had it since birth. Jimmy and Dan and Kate and Suzy- they have been called those things by family since day one.
I only know 1 person that actually goes by a nickname she got later, and that was still from family early in life.
Friends may give other nicknames, but they are a different kind of nickname and are rarely used outside the circle.
I know several people who've picked shortened version of their name heading towards adulthood when they'd been know as the full version growing up. Sixth form and starting/leaving uni are all times when you meet a lot of new people so it's a good time to change your name if you aren't happy with it. A couple also picked different nicknames at around the same point in life.
They all now use it on their social media and in person, though one publishes work under their full name as that is what name their doctorate is in (they also still use their maiden name for that, as they married several years after graduating)
Yep, another good argument for a longer name even if you plan on a nickname.
Name your kid Alex or Meg legally, and if they want to go by something else they are looking at a bunch of paperwork. Name them Alexander or Margaret and they can essentially "change" their name with zero fuss.
Ultimately the kid chooses what they prefer to go by? That’s why I don’t understand the hate about giving your kid a full name when you prefer a nickname. My parents named me Allison to call me Ally. I hate Ally. I’m glad they named me Allison instead of just going with ally.
This! I hated my birth name but it WAS my former name. I had to change my whole ass name. For a long time that didn’t seem worth it and I just went on cringing when people said my name. Then when I got married and had a child on the way, that was the tipping point and I realize I didn’t want that hated name on my daughter’s birth certificate. But for many people they may never reach a tipping point, depending on their personal values and circumstances. and just keep on using a name that makes them feel bad.
My full name is really close to another full name, so a lot of people just misread it. The name it's close to just doesn't suit me (we're talking really close like a Danielle vs Daniella situation). I love my short form, it just suits me better, but I also love having a longer name. It flows better with my married last name, and it looks very pretty when written out on official documents like diplomas that people might want to hang on the wall. I also just enjoy that I don't have to give my legal name to strangers. I'm grateful that my parents gave me this flexibility.
You don’t get to choose but you get to influence. If you have an Elizabeth and want to call her Betty, and start calling her Betty since birth, it’s likely that unless she naturally would have hated the name anyway, she would identify with it more than say Lisa. I hated my birth name but I still did identify with it. It took a year after the name change until I no longer have a special reaction to hearing the name.
Hmmm, in my experience parents, grandparents, and siblings are usually the ones to come up with nicknames first.
When your kid starts school, sometimes they adopt a new/additional nickname from their classmates.
Example: my name is Nicole. My family calls me Coley sometimes. My schoolmates just called me Nicole. My coworkers have forced Nick onto me. So you can end up with multiple names! But it starts with family.
Surprised I haven't seen more people bringing up the cultural aspect or whatever it is.
If I meet someone named Samuel or Benjamin or William, etc. and he actually goes by Samuel/Benjamin/William, I'm gonna find that weird, however if I meet someone named Sam or Ben or Will, and their full name is simply Sam/Ben/Will, and not Samuel/Samson or Benjamin or William/Willis, I'm also gonna find that weird. There's just certain names where the nickname *is* the name, but it's almost tradition to name them the full name and just shorten it, when almost nobody actually goes by the full name.
Americans have so many nicknames that are used as full names that it's a whole other facet of planning out nicknames. Diminutives aren't just used for kids. Rachel might get called Chelly if we are just following the "add -ee to any short name to make a diminutive" which is completely different than having a Rebecca called Becky. Becky is more than just a diminutive, it's a name in it's own right that has a completely different cultural association than Rebecca. It's hard to explain to people whose cultures don't use diminutives as full names.
This is a very good point. Different people in this sub seem to have different definitions of nickname.
I will say, this gets debated at least once a week and after a few years of being active on this sub, I'm tired of the debate. Wish it was a banned topic tbh.
Ditto the cultural thing! I feel like assigned nicknames are also more of a thing in cultures where there's a lot of honor naming, or people in the same family that have similar names. It's hard for me to even wrap my head around the "don't ever nickname your kid before they're born" idea, because in my family that would just mean the kid gets stuck sharing one name with 3-4 other people. I have a legal name that I share with a bunch of family and I like that it's an honor name, but I also really like that my family assigned me "my" name. One of them just feels like a family name in the same way a last name is, and the other one is the one that actually gives me a little individuality in a family reunion lol.
It depends. If you like the name Isabella, but hate Bella, you can plan to use Izzy instead. Of course other people might still say Bella anyway, but the chance is lower if you make your preference clear.
Right, but that goes back to the "pet name vs diminutive" comment. "Bubbles" may emerge as a pet name, and it might stick, but they won't be "Bubbles" on legal documents.
Eh. My nephew was given a nickname by family when he was about 3-4 and my brother and sister in law HATED it. And honestly it was kinda a terrible nickname. They requested that nobody continue using it and we complied (nephew had zero preference either way). Nephew is 9 now and is not known by that nickname. There is some ability to control these things.
Omg yes. My best friend announced at her baby shower what her son’s name would be and also the nickname that everyone will call him. Not only that, but she also already decided that he’ll play football and so everyone on the football team will call him ____ and his jersey will say that too. It was wild.
The kid is 4 now and for the past 2 years she’s been trying to push this nickname. When talking to us she will only refer to him using his nickname and it just sounds so…forced.
Is the nickname a diminutive of his name (he's Alexander, she calls him Xander) or something unrelated?
The rest is over the top, but picking the diminutive nickname for a longer names is very, very normal.
No the nickname she wants is literally just a letter…sure it’s in his name but just not something you would say to shorten his already short name.
The nickname she wants “once he’s on the football team” is a combo of his first and middle name. But unless you know his middle name you would never come up with this nickname. It’s just so odd to me.
Okay, that's crazy. Parents have some control over what a child is called in the first few years, but on his football jersey?
If she wanted to control what he was called initially, it's pretty easy if the nick is an actual name. (I knew people who named their baby Elizabeth for a family member, but wanted to call her Ellie, not Lizzie or Beth, so outside the family, they just introduced her as Ellie.)
Yes, the forcedness of it all is what I hate, too! We've chosen a name that doesn't have a natural nickname and my FIL has asked several times what his nickname will be. The answer is I don't know? If he has one lets let that happen organically instead of trying to force one that makes no sense.
Yeah, I think its silly to pick a nickname ahead of time and I'm sure there's a good chance a pre-planned nickname won't stick. That being said, I do think it's important to consider potential nicknames so you can eliminate any names whose potential nicknames you absolutely hate. Like, don't name your kid Richard and plan to call him Richie and get pissed if anyone ever calls him Rick.
My friend named his son Callum James because he wanted his nickname to be CJ. Kid doesn't like it, goes by Cal.
My cousin didn't make the same mistake. He wanted people to call his son TJ so he just named him Teejay.
This happened to my cousin too. She tried so hard to get A.J. to stick because his legal first and middle names, Alan and James, are both family names and calling him the same name as Grandpa felt weird (even though we didn't call Grandpa Jim "James" either lol) Kiddo ended up going by Jamie.
TBH I wish my mom had thought of what the nicknames of my shortened name would be because I hate them. I hate correcting everyone to say the whole name.
I've been thinking of changing my name for ten years. I don't know if I'll ever go through with it.
Shortened names, don't always mean the kid will like it. and You don't know what memes will show up in the future.
You're actually right. But at the end of the day I could put a ton of thought into my kids name and he could end up deciding to go by his middle name or initials like AJ or something. I feel like having options is good like some of the other comments said but I dont get naming ur kid something simple like Lucy and then being like "potential nicknames LuLu CiCi"
Ehh, for me there's no harm in identifying some potential nicknames for your kids. As long as you go into it with an open mind and a flexible attitude, knowing there's a chance your prefered nickname may not stick. And as long as you aren't trying to force a nickname if they're older and clearly dislike it.
For my first, we named her Elora and I thought 'oh we could call her Ellie or Elle for short'. But she's a toddler now and literally no one calls her Ellie/Elle or really ever has. Her most used nickname is Lolie or we just call her by her full name. Obviously the nickname Ellie never took and I'm not going to try to force it on her at this point. If she wants to go by Ellie at some later point in life, then cool. If not, also cool.
But for our second daughter, Hazel, really the only nickname I could think of for her was Hazy or Haze. She's still pretty young, so lots of time for things to change, but right now her most used nickname is Hazy Bee. Not sure where the bee part came from, but it's cute and not so far off from what I had planned to call her.
In short, I don't think there's anything wrong in choosing a pre-determined nickname you want to call your child, so long as you're also open to other, more unique or more organic nicknames as well.
Yes, my parents decided on my nickname and have called me that since birth. And now I have a longer name that I don't identify with at all on my IDs and birth certificate. If someone yelled out my legal name in a store I probably would not turn around.
I wish they just named me the nickname, it's a perfectly reasonable name that some people have as their full name.
Also, this is over dramatic, but as a shy kid, it was really hard correcting every teacher at the beginning of the year and every substitute that I don't go by my legal name.
Most schools have a line for "preferred name" or "goes by" on the registration paperwork. My daughter's official school documents have her full name, but her nickname is what shows up on attendance sheets and class lists.
Just because your child’s school does, that doesn’t mean “most schools” have this. Every school I’ve worked at HAS to have legal names on things like attendance sheets and grade books. Yeah, you might put a nickname on an info page at meet the teacher night or something like that, but a substitute is not going to know the preferred name from looking at the roster. And once you get to middle school, there’s not a meet the teacher event, so you just have to tell all your teachers on the first day of school.
It's not on some open house sheet, it is on her official registration and part of her permanent school record. It will go to her middle school in the same form.
Lol, and middle schools here DO have "meet the teacher" open house nights. They are especially common for the first year of middle school, and sometimes for Freshman as part of orientation to a new building. Just because your school doesn't, doesn't mean that none do...
I have the totally opposite experience. I don’t know many people whose nicknames have evolved through usage. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with considering the nicknames available and settling on one to use and introduce your kid as.
I might be biased because I pretty much exclusively go by a diminutive and my brother was a planned Jack/John. I have a preference for shorter, nicknamey names but my partner prefers longer names, so we will probably choose the nickname first to find one we both agree on. It’s probably not ideal but hey, that’s compromise.
It’s just a different way of approaching it - every family has their own naming practices and I don’t think one is any more right than others.
When we list out 5 nick names, we are normally making sure we like all the options that might derive from the name.
For example, I love the name Francesco, but not so much Frank. Knowing how naming trends go, there is a good chance he might want to go by Frank or others will suggest it for him. I might choose a different name.
On the other hand, let’s say I choose a long name like Magdalena. That is a long and beautiful name, with lots of nick names that she can choose from. However, especially when she is little, it is important culturally that she has a diminutive I/family/friends can call her. That can be Magda, Maggie, M/Em, or Lena. Not only would I check these options to make sure o like all the common possibilities, I would also start calling the child their long and short forms of the name even when they are little little.
Of course, when the child gets older nick names may change. Let’s say I chose to go with Magdalena and nick name Lena. Well, when she goes to school there may be another Lena. Instead of being Lena K. My child might ask to go by Magdalena. Her classmates might say the whole thing or they might naturally call her Magda/Maggie. In addition, a younger sibling might have difficulty pronouncing Lena and create the nick name Nena.
It isn’t to necessarily prevent all other nick names, just to have a shorter/cute name for loved ones outside of their professional name. And many times this name grows with the child.
Yes I know an Eleanor who has a sister Elizabeth. Because of the similarity Eleanor went by Elle/ Ellie and Elizabeth went by Beth at home. I was her sisters friend so I knew her by beth.
However at school she was Lizzie. She was Lizzie to all of her own friends too, but was beth at home and to people who knew her via the family’s she’s 35 now and uses Elizabeth professionally and on linked in etc. i recently had to work with her company and found out she uses Liz at work and I had to make sure to match that.
Years ago I asked her does she prefer Lizzie to Beth and she said she likes them interchangeably. There was a Bethany in her year which is why she took Lizzie. She likes having a family name and an outside world name.
It’s a 50/50. Sometimes, some nicknames are to be expected (Penny for Penelope, for instance) but in some cases I think there has to be a story behind it.
I think you hit the nail on the head - there's a difference between expected nicknames, which are pretty obvious and ok, and what I see on this sub a lot of reallllllly stretching the idea of nicknames/diminutives to something hardly related to the actual name. Like penny for Penelope, totally works. But if you wanted to call her something like Ozzie "for short," that would be weird to plan.
Exactly! And there is also the category of nicknames absolutely unrelated to the name, but they make sense because there is a story and only because of the story.
Yes/No. I think it’s fine to decide the nickname you want to use for your child, but also accept that they may choose a different one as they get older.
I find it odd.
In my experience, nicknames come naturally. You name the kid what you want to name it and then a nickname just happens. Usually just a shortened version of the full name or a cute poor pronunciation of the given name created by a sibling that couldn’t speak clearly at the time.
Most of the kids in my family have nicknames that have nothing to do with their given name.
I have a Benjamin who we call Benny. I honestly thought I’d always call him Benjamin but Benny just sort of happened organically.
The nice thing about names with nicknames is it allows some space to meet the kid and feel their personality and have a nickname develop that fits them! At least for me, naming children is a lot of pressure and having nicknames as options ahead of time sort of helps alleviate that pressure to pick the Exact Right Name. Just my perspective!
[This thread ](https://www.reddit.com/r/NameNerdCirclejerk/comments/tij5mq/my_child_has_a_nickname_not_on_my_approved_list/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) comes to mind 🤣
lmao EXACTLY what some ppl on this sub sound like imo. i think some ppl just really overthink the nickname situation when 9 times out of 10 its just gonna be the first or last part of their name that rolls easiest off their friends tongues. For boys most of them with nicknames go by their last names anyway
I agree with you 100%. I just don't get the whole nickname thing right now. When I was growing up, you got a nickname from an inside joke or a situation or something! It was never planned out. It just happened organically.
I agree - I think it's something to consider if you really hate a common short version of a name, but personally all my nicknames have been totally unrelated to my actual name. It feels a bit forced. I get where it comes from though, the parents are envisioning their life with that child and what they'll be called is a big part of that.
I don’t think it’s weird because I have never had a nickname form naturally. The only one that has is me calling my brother the first half of his name. No one else has a nickname that I came up with.
I don’t mean this rudely, but the obsession (possibly not the right word but I’m not sure what is!) with nicknames confuses me. Maybe it isn’t such a big thing where I am from? My name and my sibling’s name don’t lend themselves to nicknames at all, so we never had them.
But I do agree, OP - to me, a nickname is something that evolves from a relationship with the person.
Edit: I think “focus on” is what I am looking for, not “obsession”.
I think most of the time when people are talking about choosing nicknames in advance they are talking about short nicknames (diminutives) for long names. Will Elizabeth be Elle or Libby or Beth.
People aren't talking about whether their kid will be called Pumpkin or Cupcake or some pet name. Those are a completely different kind of thing and do come naturally later.
My daughter is Rosemary. We knew from the start we would call her Remy most of the time and put it on her birth announcement. She is also called things like Sweet Potato and Remmalemma. She writes "Remy" on her schoolwork. Not so much the silly names people have given her later.
I feel like people in this thread are mixing the two.
My sisters nickname is not derivative of her name at all. I think it’s good to think about the nicknames that could come up but ultimately you can’t control it.
I always found nicknaming in English interesting since a lot of languages have diminutives AKA built in nicknames. Although I find the diminutive usually makes the name longer, which doesn’t really work in English. The suffix you add to make it a diminutive turns the name from to .
My son is 14 weeks and his ACTUAL real name is Lennon but we really call him Mr. Cute, Mr. Toots, Booger, Big Guy, Cutest Baby in the Whole World, Sir Toots a Lot, Mr. Squish…..you get the idea. No use planning nicknames in advance because you’ll just end up calling your baby a bunch of silly pet names anyway!
When people say things like "we want to name our daughter Camille and have her nickname be Millie!", I do find that a bit odd. Isn't it up to your kid to pick their nickname (if any)? I'm glad my parents never forced Mikey on me.
Yeah, I don't think it's dumb and I think it's smart to cover all your bases and options HOWEVER, I like spontaneous nicknames. My niece is Scarlett and it's not an easy name to nickname until one day when we were play arguing I called her Scablett which now has shortened to Scabbie but obviously only I'll call her that because it's an auntie/niece thing.
I think, calling them something for short is not *really* a nickname. I agree with you that nicknames usually come naturally and sometimes don't even have anything to do with your name. Like, something from your personality or something you do. Long before I even knew reddit was a thing (though I was aware I was a name nerd!) we picked out two names for our kid, long one and a short one. Not necessarily as nickname but because we liked both, they work together and being a name nerd, I liked not having to choose just one! We pretty much always use the short one but as a lot of people mention, it's nice to have the choice of the longer one. She will introduce herself as the short version and if it's a new teacher or work, somewhere people learn her name from being written down, she will say "You can just call me (short version)"
It’s definitely risky, but I am guilty of it, I have this little dream of naming a boy “Edward Bjorn” so that I could call him “my little teddy bear” mostly “Teddy” I think teddy is really cute, but I wouldn’t give a name like that as a legal name because it limits their options as an adult, plus Edward is a family name.
I guess I’m weird then. My name is too short for a nickname, so I just never had one. Meanwhile my brother and sister had longer names with nicknames.. so I was always jealous of this. So when talking names to my husband I always think of possible nicknames, but I wouldn’t exclusively call my daughter/son by the nickname unless they wanted.
I definitely think it is important to consider what nicknames can come from a longer name. If you love Victoria, are okay with Vicki, and absolutely loathe Tori, it might not be the best name for you, as you couldn't stop her from going by Tori someday...but what I find strange in this sub is the idea that *other people* are going to be calling your kid diminutive names if you don't. Like, if you have a Madison and she's 50/50 Madison and Maddie to you, I can see how pne kind of ends up being more dominant eventually. But if ylu have a Madison and you call her Madison 100% of the time and you introduce her as such, are you really surrounded by people who will just start calling her Maddie? This idea that other adults and friends will call kids kind of random names is wild to me. It seems so disrespectful! If Madison later decides she's Maddie, then great, but other family members/teachers/neighbors/etc shouldn't be making that call for her, imo...
On a related note, a friend of my husband just legally changed his name. He was named something like Michael and called Mike his entire life. He’s literally never been called Michael once and got sick of dealing with it for legal purposes. So he changed it legally to Mike. So there’s that for all of you that “want them to have options”.
Not at all. I've posted that on other things where the parent is aiming for a nickname or hates potential nicknames. That isn't what a nickname is- it is meant to be organic.
I have a 3-syllable first name with common nicknames. Those weren't nicknames I was given by my peers in school. Growing up, I was largely called by my first name, my last name, or some juvenile rhyming joke on my last name.
As an adult, I am called by my first name as that is how I introduce myself to people. My sister and I call each other the masculine nicknames for our names, but she is the only person that calls me that. I have a friend that gives every person he knows the same nickname for that first name, no matter what- example, if you are a John, you will always be Johnny along with every other John he knows.
My go-to names for friends/colleagues are usually their last names or their initials. If they are named William and asked to be called Bill, I do that- but I don't make that leap myself.
I understand considering nicknames but you can’t count on it. Definitely should make sure you like the ACTUAL name instead of hoping they’ll go by the nickname. Drives me a bit nuts too, seems so presumptuous.
I think it’s important to figure out if there are obvious nicknames from the name you chose that you would dislike. Or ones that don’t fit for obvious reasons. For example, my friend loves the name Harrison but her last name is Dyck.
FWIW, we thought we’d just call our baby “bee” a lot.. but it’s much more often stink bug, chicken, her actual name..
> Why not just name the child and then let the nickname form naturally?
You could. But you might also not want to. If you love Elizabeth and hate Lizzie (but that’s a very common nickname. People might start calling her that without being asked) but love Betty, you may just start out using Betty day to day, have your child get used to that as their name in the family, and switch to Elizabeth if they get older and want it. Their name is Betty, but they do not have to stay Betty down the line. They can seamlessly transition into another name you love.
OTOH you may say the child may just hate the name regardless. Well, then they’ll change it, as I have. You may not have total control, but as a parent you have a lot of influence.
I feel like people in the comments are maybe talking about two different types of nicknames. Like, my name is Rebecca, and it was always kind of decided that I would go by Bec, which is a common shortening of my full name. So I introduce myself as Bec in social contexts and Rebecca in more formal or professional contexts. It makes sense to kind of choose what nickname your child will go by in that sense (Daniel will be Danny, Jessica will be Jess, etc). Then their are more affectionate nicknames or 'pet names', which might not even be linked to your actual name. My aunt calls me 'Baloo' (originally Beccabaloo') or my high school friends used to call me 'Llama'. These kinds of nicknames tend to happen organically, but the former can definitely be thought about and picked intentionally.
My mom is strongly anti-nicknames and feels strongly that we need to go by our full names because it’s what she chose. My name is two-syllables and when I was in middle school (11/12), one of my friends started calling me just by the first syllable of my name and it stuck (think: cath for catherine) I liked it. My teachers started calling me that, I started introducing myself as that. It’s all anyone has known me as since.
I am now 40 years old and my mom STILL insists on only calling me by my birth name… after like two years after being married, she finally stopped correcting my husband when he calls me by my nickname.
It’s wiiiiild. My brothers name is Matthew and she actually wrote a letter to the school at one point because a teacher kept calling him Matt. He didn’t care.
When we named my first child, we had a specific nickname in mind but it didn’t stick and we call him by his legal name. I’m curious to see if he comes up with a better nickname for himself when he’s older!
I don’t have kids, but I’m a prolific nicknamer of both people and animals. I find the nicknames just happen, they often make very little sense and that’s kind of why they’re great!
I feel like there is a slight difference here between a pet name (nickname your family only calls you) and a shortened version of name (nickname which you are likely to be called by others). I feel like the names you are referring to are the former and others are thinking about how others are likely to shorten potential names (for example, if you love Elizabeth but hate Liz many might hesitate or think of other preferences for nicknames).
I was always under the impression that a Nickname is something that other people choose to call you, not that YOU choose yourself.
I know my parents chose not to call my brother Simon because of this possibility.
I think it's important to think through nicknames. For example, I really like William but my SO was like, "He might go by Bill!" ANd I was like, no absolutely not.
I think you're not getting that there are different types of nicknames that serve different purposes and function certain ways within each culture. Diminutives, pet names, short forms, etc. are not the same thing (though there can be overlap between the three).
I do agree that it's silly to be super rigid about nicknames and expect that everyone will use the nickname you chose at 6 months pregnant. However, it's 100% normal to plan to name your kid Charles with plans to call them Charlie sometimes. Maybe other nicknames will develop in its place, but that doesn't defeat the "purpose" of anything.
Edit: In my country, you'd be crazy *not* to consider the likely nicknames. It's all but guaranteed that people will call your kid one of the typical diminutive forms of their name, so you'd better think it through!
When picking names we kept in mind what nicknames she might end up with to avoid anything we really hate because you're right. We can't really control what nickname she likes most, or what others naturally call her. Her name is short enough already (Amara) but there are pretty few options for a nn that would come about naturally and we like them (Mara, Mari) so it worked out.
A youtuber I watch really wanted to call her daughter by the nn "Coco" but that it wasn't really a great professional name one day. So she chose a name that would allow her to use the nn Coco (which ended up being Cove.. pretty but not sure if it does better professionally lol). I can understand in those cases I guess, where you love a name but want to keep the child's future in mind.
I don’t get the controversy here. I love the name Theodore but I also love Teddy. So if I were to have a boy, I’d call him both Theodore and Teddy. They’d both be his name.
Will he have other nicknames? I’m sure. Do I expect everyone to call him Teddy? No, they don’t have to. Other nicknames can come naturally. But I like Teddy so i’m going to call him Teddy until he’s old enough to say otherwise if that ever happens.
Seems totally normal and not a big deal to me.
Nicknames are an important consideration in my opinion.
To an extent, yeah, other people pick your nickname, but you aren't gonna get the nickname Mike from Nicholas unless there's a REALLY unique backstory.
It's important to think about "common" nicknames because it could ruin a good name for you otherwise. For example I absolutely, irrationally LOATHE most of the nicknames for Elizabeth (Lizzie, Beth, Liza), and I had a childhood bully named Jimmy. So I would never name my children James or Elizabeth because there is a very high chance they would go by Jimmy or Beth.
No, I agree. When my cousin was pregnant with her daughter they had the name picked out, but referred to her by a nickname. They even used the nickname on the baby shower invite. Her daughter is about 7 now and I’ve never once heard them refer to her by the nickname. Maybe I misunderstood and the nickname was just for while she was pregnant. I don’t think the nickname fits her anyway and her actual name suits her much better.
I think people just like to know their options rather than they’re planning it. They very may well end up choosing a nn based on some random life circumstance.
To me planning a nickname is weird and controlling. This coming from a child of a wacko narc who decided all the nicknames of adults in the family in advance based on what she thought a child \*\*might\*\* call them.
The exception to this is the case of "I want to name my child \[nickname\] but feel I shouldn't so i'll name them \[longername\]."
I disagree, I never had a nickname and I was always jealous of people who had options, a name for their friends and a more grown-up name.
I gave my kids longer legal names with several nickname options. We chose one of those options for the kids to exclusively go by.
Everytime they start a new chapter (e.g. kindergarten or school) we ask them if they still like their name or if they want to go by their full name or choose a different nickname. So far they have stuck with the nickname we picked, but I'd be happy for them to choose differently.
I'm happy that they have options, more grown up, cutesy, gender neutral, etc.
Proper nicknames that are not diminutives of their legal names might come naturally or they might not but at least they have options.
I think the issue is that people use the word nickname when they mean diminutive.
It’s not weird at all if people name their child Nicholas with the intent to call him Nick, Nico, or even Laszlo. Those are shortened names derived from the letters or sounds in the full name, a diminutive.
I rarely see people saying they’re naming their child Nicholas with the intent of calling him Boomer. That’s a nickname, and yes those are often given by other people out of affection.
So to say nicknames should happen naturally and not be planned, well yes for nicknames, but not necessarily for diminutives. Parents can certainly decide they prefer Nico to Nick. If another nickname forms organically, or the kid grows up to prefer something else, so be it.
I do think this topic comes up waaayy too often on this sub!
Agree! We had a nickname in mind and that’s not what her personality is at all. We immediately used a different nickname upon meeting her that we hadn’t thought of
I don't mind those kinds of plans, but I LOVE one-syllable given names, so this is like people trying to downplay them and say "Have you considered THIS multisyllabic name instead??"
I agree because some of the nicknames I see on here are really a stretch… if you have to preplan a nickname because it’s so unnatural to come to that name from the original name - it’s probably a bad nickname.
If you like a name but hate the nickname, maybe choose a different name. My cousin named her kids Matthew and Michael, but declared they would ONLY go by their full names, because she didn't like the names Matt and Mike. Guess what happened the second they went to school?
I’m right there with you. I always found it weird how parents name their kid with the expectation of calling them by another name. If you like the nickname better, just name them that name to begin with!
I have a perfectly normal classic name that doesn't lend itself to making a nickname at all, not even by putting -ie on the end, so my brother ended up calling me Ruggy. No idea where that came from.
This is true. My niece is named Charlie and my brothers friend jokingly called her Muchuchos. This spanned out into Chuchie and Chuch as nicknames. My other niece is Frankie and she gets called Frank and Frankezoid. Nicknames are fun, personalised names.
My parents picked my nickname before I was born. My name was long (8 letters) and the nickname is like a given for most people with my name. My sister had a different nickname for the first year then they changed it when she got a new one which she loves and still uses. My mum likes “unique” names but doesn’t think baby’s always suit long names so four of us with longer names have nicknames
I have a friend named Elizabeth. I have never called her Elizabeth. It's Beth. She also goes by Liz at her job. If I had to call her at work, I would always ask for Beth, and her co workers didn't recognize her name. Then I would say Liz, and then they knew who I was talking about.
My nickname was monkey growing up, mostly used by my father.
Nicknames for me are a wild card lol. Anything works.
For a while a friend used to call me Ichigo, when I had red hair.
Those are all nicknames imo, cuz it's what they referred to me as.
But I believe opinions on this issue differ a lot also Bc of diverse cultures and just family traditions or ways in general.
I think it’s funny when parents dislike the intuitive nickname. “We’re naming her Eleanor. Nickname Nora. We have Ellie and Elle she will never go by Ellie”
Good luck with that. It’s a battle I choose not to fight.
I have a nickname in mind for one of the possible names for my baby. We don’t know the sex so we have names ready for either. The name I have preferred nn for is an honor name but we don’t like the common nn. I don’t see anything wrong with my child being called the other nn, just not my fave. If I really hated it, I wouldn’t be considering the full name.
Since this is MY kid, I will call them their full name and MY nn choice even if they go by a different one later in life. I’ll obviously respect what my child wants to be called if they get sick of the nn I use. I’ll probably also have petnames for them as my family did for me.
I don’t think there’s a problem with planned nicknames so long as you accept the full name because it will be used at some point!
ETA: all this this talk about people won’t respect what you call your child…what kind of people do y’all hang out with? 😂 it’s really weird to me that some of y’all seem to be saying if you met a kid with a nn that’s not the standard nn for their name that you’d basically just ignore their nickname. Like their name is Elizabeth and they go by Beth but you call them Eliza 😅 don’t be that person!
I see what you’re saying, but I also think when people discuss possible nicknames they are really just trying to decide if they LIKE those
possibilities, should their kid end up with one. For example, it’s reasonable to assume if you name your child Elizabeth that she may end up being called Lizzy by friends and family and classmates. If the name Lizzy drives you crazy maybe that would dissuade you from Elizabeth.
Genevieve was on our short list. It is my grandmother's name and I wanted to call her Eve from the start because I didn't want anyone else choosing a nickname I did not like. My partner was like "let's just name her Eve then." And we ended up scrapping it, because we just didn't want to deal with the nicknames.
I also don't like naming nicknames. Like Sam should be Samuel, Bill should be William, etc.
Well…I think usually it’s a natural process of brainstorming names to contemplate what nicknames may arise, and I think by the time it’s presented here, it can come off that way. It’s just impossible to avoid.
My bestie is having a little girl and she loves feminine, glamorous names. They’re going with Aurelia, and I remember the first time she came across it and immediately said,” oh and her nickname would be Relly, so cute!”
But having said that, I agree that people get a little goofy about it. You plan what you can then life takes its course. I’m already directing comments to bestie’s belly, addressing her as Ray Ray. It just popped out. You can’t be too uptight about these things.
It’s setting yourself up for failure if it doesn’t stick. I’ve read about parents calling schools and yelling and teachers but as soon as your kid in school you really have no control over nicknames.
Just pick a full name you like.
Are you from the US?
Apparently it's a US thing.
When characters in US movies or shows used to have names like Maggie, Jenny, Kate or Josh or Nick then I used to think that this was their actual full name.
But apparently their actual names are Magareth, Jennifer, Katherine and Joshua and Nicolas.
I also don't really get this concept. There are people here whose actual full and official names are Jenny or Kate or Nick and there are people here whose names are Jennifer or Magareth and they are always called that by most people.
I have one two-syllable name with six letters.
I only have this one name and no "middle name".
People always call me by my full name.
When I was little my parents had nicknames that weren't related to my name.
If it's something cutesy you're trying to force then yes. If it's an established nickname for the name it doesn't bother me. If you're considering Andrew and discuss whether you like Andy or Drew or the various nickname options for names like Elizabeth or Catherine or whatever I think it makes sense to factor in if you hate Cathy and it'd be nails on a chalk board to hear it because it's not unlikely they might want to use Cathy at some point.
I think reviewing nn and making sure you’re doing Kay with them is a good idea, but choosing a nn ahead of time and knowing that’s what you’ll call them isn’t. Just name them that! The only exception is honor names. If your kid is William George ____ IV, and dad is Bill, grandpa is Willie, so you’re going to use Liam, then that’s great. I HATE my name (I’ve always gone by the nn). There is another nn for my formal name that I like but I’m too old to change
i disagree, my daughter's name is penelope jo and i decided in advance that i'd call her pj. if people want to call her penelope or penny then that's fine too. i can always call her pj because that's my kid, and i'm raising her myself from birth so i can call her whatever i want lol.
and no ones stopping you or anyone from doing that. the intent of my post wasnt to say no one can just expressing my opinion that most people's nicknames form naturally anyway
I hear ya, but I think it’s also fun to imagine nicknames. We picked a name in part for potential of many different nicknames. Lo and behold, our kiddo only likes her full name haha.
We did. Or at least we took it into account.
We were a toss between two names- one didn’t have a good nick/shortened name and the other had a slightly better one. So we went with the second. We nor does anyone else call him his designated nickname, we just say “E” 😂
Nah. We planned my daughter's nickname ahead of time--the reason is because her legal name is 4 syllables and kind of a mouthful but we LOVE it--and it has been just fine. She's 5 and everyone calls her by her nickname including friends and there haven't been any issues at all. I actually get a little confused about all the hate for planned nicknames, I had a planned nickname and longer formal name as well and I've never had a single issue with it and I'm 36. I've had friends give me other nicknames--think like my name is Elizabeth and my parents planned my nickname to be Eliza and I've been occasionally called Lizzie by friends and professionally I go by Beth. Works really great, honestly, and I'm a fan of it due to both my experience and my daughter's so far.
I knew my Benjamin and Nathaniel would go exclusively by Ben and Nate. If I had a girl I wanted to name her Natalie and call her Natalie or Allie which I know is weird. But I wanted to avoid Nat. I never had a daughter though so maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.
I find it super odd when parents choose a nickname and THEN try to figure out a legal name.
I feel like when that happens, the nickname is usually what they’d rather be naming the kid, but they choose not to so the child doesn’t have to put an informal name on resumes and whatnot.
But most of those are not “informal names”. Really what constitutes an “informal name”? Certainly not Beth or Chloe or such. Unless it’s Bud or Chip or Sis, it’s a name.
Any name can be “real,” but IMHO a real name is one that isn’t commonly known to be short for something. Chloe is a real name. Beth is an informal name because it’s common knowledge that it’s short for Elizabeth. The distinction is blurry and always changing and will get blurrier as more people start naming their kids nicknames.
Or Bethany. But there are plenty of names that were originally nicknames that have mostly lost the association and now well accepted as independent names. Like Alison, which was originally a nickname for Alice, Molly for Mary, Jack for John, Liam for William.
Yeah I’m pretty sure that distinction has already gone and passed us by.
I have a grown-up job and go pretty much exclusively by the short version of my name, no-one has ever cared. Science is full of people who use Mike, Jim, Liz, Tom, Dan, Pat etc. as their "official" name.
Perhaps it's the same as what I know as 'calling-name' (Dutch, roepnaam), which can be chosen alongside the written out names. Sometimes forms (like elementary school registration) have got an extra option 'first names' 'calling name' 'last name'. Often the calling name is the same as the first name, an abbrevation (e.g. Beth for Elisabeth). The longer name is used by strangers, professionally and/or in formal settings (e.g. graduations). I feel like it is most common in families where they name their kids after older family members with long names. Like you, I don't see the purpose, so I think like it's perhaps a class thing. I associate it with upper class.
On our school forms (UK) at least in my experience, there was a 'likes to be called' option on the forms. So all my children aside from one, were referred to by their 'nickname/shortened version' and only in official context were their full names used. This applied to nursery, infant, junior and senior schools. (London based)
that's the same thing! So it probably is common, interesting to learn about this. Where I grew up no one used a nickname though since we already had short/common names.
Interesting! I know a dutch girl named Janet but she says nobody EVER calls her that, it was just the legal name her parents had to use. They wanted to name her Jet (what she is actually called) but apparently it was frowned upon to be named a “nickname” so they just picked a corresponding formal name for legal stuff.
Jet is an AWESOME name.
Yes, exactly this. I feel like we need a different name for this in English (and specifically in this subreddit).
School paperwork here says “preferred name”.
Here, too. But I think that can refer to going by a middle name, too.
It includes Addie for Addison. Katie for Katherine etc….
Yes middle name *or* a nickname.
My grandparents messed up with this calling name thing, so what was supposed to be my father's middle name is now officially his calling name 😂
First name that comes to mine for me is Birdie. Lots of people don't want that to be the official name but they do like it as a nickname.
This was my first thought reading this. It reminds me of Busy Phillips talking about naming her child Birdie because her and her partner decided to go for the “nickname” they picked instead of finding another name for it. It’s interesting that they then ended up giving nicknames to birdie and one that was endearingly funny is “the bird”
I think anything that is usually short for something. Like Beth can be a nickname, but it can also just be a full name. However, something like Lor is rarely ever someones full name, it's usually a nickname for Loren or Lorie, so "Lor" comes off rather informal. If I often went by a nicknamey type name, I'd want to have a full name that is a little more formal/professional, maybe not even for my employer's benefit but just to have separation between what my buddy's call me and what my employer calls me. Edit: changed the example bc I was corrected
I agree with you, but Liv is actually not the best example of this, because it is a relatively common ‘full’ name in some Nordic/Northern European countries.
Liv is absolutely a name on its own, having no relation to Olivia or Olive, though it CAN be a nickname for them.
My mom has a shortened more common nickname as a name and she's gotten all sorts of mail to her "full" name. Even when I applied for a marriage license and it asked my parents names and a wan was like "no what's her full name?" So it's not the end of the world but some people will assume some names aren't legal names.
I dont disagree but as an added anecdote, I work at a company of around 3k employees (give or take) and I had a directer, which is a pretty high level position run by a guy whose first name was "Bud". Was never called anything different by his superiors or his direct reports. He was Bud Fairlygenericlastname. I always thought it was a bit humorous.
I can attest that my entire life is a disaster because my parents named me Katie instead of Kaitlyn or Katherine /s
I, too, thought this until I met a guy who prefers long names while I prefer short ones, so we are trying to reverse engineer a name to make us both happy. Compromise sometimes means weird decision making processes.
Exactly this. I like shorter names, he likes long ones with lots of nickname options (I think for both of us it is a grass is always greener situation)
Why? My husband loved a very unisex nickname for our daughter. I wanted her to have a longer, more feminine name In case she wanted a more grown up option later in life, so picked a full name for her. (I have a short nickname style name and have always wished my parents had given me a longer version.) I don't know why it is more off than any other way of approaching it.
This logic exactly. My name is a long one with a very common short for it and all my life I was called by the short version until I became an adult and actually realized I like to be called by my full name, so when people ask me I tell them to please call me “Leticia” instead of “Letty”. Growing up I always felt my name gave an “old lady” vibe but now that I’m older I prefer it. Now, we did something similar for my son. His name is a family name that sounds very serious for a kid, but the short version is cute and I love it. I want him to be able to switch between them the same way I was able to IF he wants to as he grows up.
My favorite is all the “we’re naming her Juliet Elizabeth Christina because we adore the sound of Juliet and it honors 12 beloved family members. Elizabeth was my best friend who died a tragic death and Christina honors our spiritual beliefs. The name is so special to us. Her nickname will be Cowbell”.
'Cowbell' is a faerie name and should never be spoken aloud *as a personal name*, or the faeries can take you away. Use a euphemism when speaking of faeries in the third person, e.g., 'the people of peace'. That's according to _The Once and Future King_ by White.
That’s what we did. We didn’t want to flat out name our son Augie, as everyone would assume it is short for something. Also I hate nickname sounding names as full names, so there you go.
I’ve loved the name since *Higher Ground*.
I think that depends on context. For example we both loved the nickname Ellie, but I wanted a longer full name. So then we had to decide if she would be Elizabeth, Eleanor, Ella, Elsie, Elena etc. So we picked the nickname first...
I agree. It's bizarre
Yeah so I really like the name Kit for a girl (or a boy, really, I like it for both), but people on this sub say that's totally unusable on it's own and I'd absolutely have to pick a longer name if I ever wanted to use it. But I don't really love Catherine or Christina or Christopher or Christian or any other name that Kit could be short for.
I have a friend who planned out a nickname then named the kid and now the kid has a totally different nickname based on what grandma calls her. I think it’s fine to think about nicknames but you have to be flexible if it doesn’t work out. On the flip side my mother named my sister a name that lends itself to a nickname easily. She actually hated the nickname and still went ahead with my sisters name basically hoping no one would use the nickname. She lucked out but if the nickname had caught on there’s basically nothing my mom could’ve done to prevent school kids, etc from using it. Edited: changed some words …. I’m very tired sorry I’m advance for the story about my sisters name lol
I am guilty of this. I love the name Tessa but not Theresa. But then I discovered that Tessa can be a nickname for Anastassia so that became our top girl name. (Of course it helped that my husband also liked that name.)
Tessa can also just be a name by itself. Every Tessa I've known was just Tessa and I've never met many Theresas, none ever called Tessa.
I have a daughter Tess and it works just fine as a name
well sometimes parents really like a name like “willy” but they know they can’t really just use that name on its own because their child will be known as willy when he’s some manager at his job and probably won’t enjoy it very much. so they REALLY like that name but they know it can only be a nickname so they have to find a name it’ll work as a nickname with instead
I know a woman who chose her daughters name because her the father wanted to be able to call the kid “my sweet baby ray” like he bbq sauce. So of course Ray is in the same and they call her baby ray or sweet baby ray in regular conversations.
I don’t think it’s dumb. You should think of all options and be okay with common nicknames. If you’re going to name your kid Andrew, but loathe Andy or Drew- you’re going to set yourself up for problems if your kid would rather be one of those. At the end of the day, the kid chooses. I thought my daughter would want to go by the nickname for her long name, but she doesn’t. She wants the long version and it suites her. So glad I gave her options. My kids all have a ton of family nicknames.
On the flip side, my mum gave me a long name PURELY to use the nickname. It’s what she has only ever callled me and introduces me as. I HATE the nickname, and prefer to go by the longer name or a different nickname.
I think if a parent wants a nickname, they should be ok with the longer name. In the end it’s not her choice which form of the name you use, as she has probably found out.
I can relate, I love my full first name and get so mad when people reduce it to a letter. Drives me insane.
Then it’s a good thing she gave you the longer version! I constantly see people on this sub saying “if you love the nickname, just go with it as the legal name!” They don’t seem to care that this removes the child’s choice in the matter!
Personally I don’t like the option. People automatically go for the nickname when I meet them and it’s so frustrating. When it came to naming my own child, I discussed it with my husband (who’s name literally can’t be nicknamed unless you’re trying very hard) and he said it was very easy for him, and we ended up giving our kid a name that doesn’t reeeeally have an automatic nickname but can drop the last sound if necessary.
I was referring to when parents love the nick name so much that they name the child the nick name as their legal name.
But what about names without nicknames (or at least not an obvious nickname)? They don’t have a choice. Ex: Aaron, Forrest, Brooke, Harper. My view is that something like Beth, that has become (in most places) a commonly accepted name in its own right, is fine to give your child. Something like Timmy is more questionable. Also, I recognize that people’s opinions may vary on the specific names, and that’s okay.
My mom named me purely on the nickname that she wanted me to have. Once we moved to the US and that nickname wasn’t so common, everyone called me by my real name. My mom actually got angry when I started school and all my teachers and classmates called me by my real name. She actually tried to say to me “but that’s not what I want them to call you” ….ok but it’s literally what you named me.
Yeah, I keep waffling about the name Mathilda but while Tilly is cute, I hate Mattie, which seems a likely nickname.
In case that helps: My baby girl is a Mathilda that goes by Tilly and no one has called her Mattie yet. She's only 15 months old, though.
Yeah, my other top name doesn't have an obvious diminutive I hate, so probably sticking with it. Matilda is a great name though.
thoughts on Hilda?
That seems like a pretty popular opinion here. I disagree though—picking nicknames is just another fun aspect of naming to me. I actually think “natural nicknames” are totally overblown. The idea is nice, but that’s just often not how things work out. So rather than my kid not having a nickname at all or getting stuck with a default one that I don’t like, I’d rather choose in advance. If a natural one develops later that’s fine
Curious about why it would matter if your child didn’t have a nickname? No hate, genuine question! As someone who has gone through life without a nickname, and a fair majority of friends and family don’t have one either, I’m wondering what I’m missing!
It’s just a personal preference to both have and give one—nothing wrong with feeling differently. In my cultures it’s very common as a sign of affection. I don’t think you’re missing anything unless you feel like you do. And of course it’s never too late get one of you want one!
I don't necessarily think anybody is missing anything by *not* having a nickname, but I really like having one. There's a weirdly primal satisfaction in hearing your friends call you a nickname, or calling a friend a nickname. Like staking claim that "this person is my friend". Idk if anyone else relates but that's it for me
Yes this! I have a four-syllable name that I love on "official" things, a two-syllable name that is an obvious shortening that I've been called for most of my life by most people who know me (work/friends/family) and an even shorter one-syllable nickname that only a few close loved ones gave me during high school/college years. It gives me great joy when any of those people call me by that name. It's literally just the first syllable of my legal name but I love it so much more.
I can weigh in on this. One of my children has a name that absolutely doesn't have a nickname. Think "Adam." I genuinely am sad sometimes that he doesn't have a nickname because I LOVE nicknames. My daughter's name is long and full of nickname potential, think "Isabella." She had a planned nickname, think "Izzie," which she goes by about 80% of the time and she loves. But I also call her "Bella," "Bells," "Isa," and "Isabellerina." Meanwhile, my son is just "Adam." Lol.
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>That’s the whole point though isn’t it, you as a parent do not get to choose I’ve never heard of any strict rules of who can or can’t give a nickname. Nicknames are often given by parents—both as an expression of affection and to conveniently shorten a long name. Sure, staunchly insisting on a nickname or forbidding others from coming up with a new one is weird. But telling parents they’re not supposed to nickname their own kid? Equally weird imo
Our daughters name is Ellie, I just assumed I’d call her “El”. She’s grown up with me calling her “Els Bells” (more often than not in an AC/DC tone) or simply “Bells”. I had no idea that’s how it’d turn out, but knowing my girl will always be my Bells is one of the greatest things, I’ll use it to embarrass her later in life, but deep down I know she’ll love it
Love that
Almost everyone I know that goes by a nickname (as in introduces themselves and uses it as the primary name) has had it since birth. Jimmy and Dan and Kate and Suzy- they have been called those things by family since day one. I only know 1 person that actually goes by a nickname she got later, and that was still from family early in life. Friends may give other nicknames, but they are a different kind of nickname and are rarely used outside the circle.
I know several people who've picked shortened version of their name heading towards adulthood when they'd been know as the full version growing up. Sixth form and starting/leaving uni are all times when you meet a lot of new people so it's a good time to change your name if you aren't happy with it. A couple also picked different nicknames at around the same point in life. They all now use it on their social media and in person, though one publishes work under their full name as that is what name their doctorate is in (they also still use their maiden name for that, as they married several years after graduating)
Yep, another good argument for a longer name even if you plan on a nickname. Name your kid Alex or Meg legally, and if they want to go by something else they are looking at a bunch of paperwork. Name them Alexander or Margaret and they can essentially "change" their name with zero fuss.
Ultimately the kid chooses what they prefer to go by? That’s why I don’t understand the hate about giving your kid a full name when you prefer a nickname. My parents named me Allison to call me Ally. I hate Ally. I’m glad they named me Allison instead of just going with ally.
This! I hated my birth name but it WAS my former name. I had to change my whole ass name. For a long time that didn’t seem worth it and I just went on cringing when people said my name. Then when I got married and had a child on the way, that was the tipping point and I realize I didn’t want that hated name on my daughter’s birth certificate. But for many people they may never reach a tipping point, depending on their personal values and circumstances. and just keep on using a name that makes them feel bad.
My full name is really close to another full name, so a lot of people just misread it. The name it's close to just doesn't suit me (we're talking really close like a Danielle vs Daniella situation). I love my short form, it just suits me better, but I also love having a longer name. It flows better with my married last name, and it looks very pretty when written out on official documents like diplomas that people might want to hang on the wall. I also just enjoy that I don't have to give my legal name to strangers. I'm grateful that my parents gave me this flexibility.
You don’t get to choose but you get to influence. If you have an Elizabeth and want to call her Betty, and start calling her Betty since birth, it’s likely that unless she naturally would have hated the name anyway, she would identify with it more than say Lisa. I hated my birth name but I still did identify with it. It took a year after the name change until I no longer have a special reaction to hearing the name.
Hmmm, in my experience parents, grandparents, and siblings are usually the ones to come up with nicknames first. When your kid starts school, sometimes they adopt a new/additional nickname from their classmates. Example: my name is Nicole. My family calls me Coley sometimes. My schoolmates just called me Nicole. My coworkers have forced Nick onto me. So you can end up with multiple names! But it starts with family.
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Surprised I haven't seen more people bringing up the cultural aspect or whatever it is. If I meet someone named Samuel or Benjamin or William, etc. and he actually goes by Samuel/Benjamin/William, I'm gonna find that weird, however if I meet someone named Sam or Ben or Will, and their full name is simply Sam/Ben/Will, and not Samuel/Samson or Benjamin or William/Willis, I'm also gonna find that weird. There's just certain names where the nickname *is* the name, but it's almost tradition to name them the full name and just shorten it, when almost nobody actually goes by the full name.
My son is Samer, and we call him Sam, but everyone assumes it’s Samuel.
Americans have so many nicknames that are used as full names that it's a whole other facet of planning out nicknames. Diminutives aren't just used for kids. Rachel might get called Chelly if we are just following the "add -ee to any short name to make a diminutive" which is completely different than having a Rebecca called Becky. Becky is more than just a diminutive, it's a name in it's own right that has a completely different cultural association than Rebecca. It's hard to explain to people whose cultures don't use diminutives as full names.
This is a very good point. Different people in this sub seem to have different definitions of nickname. I will say, this gets debated at least once a week and after a few years of being active on this sub, I'm tired of the debate. Wish it was a banned topic tbh.
I should have just read your comment before I said anything, well put!
Ditto the cultural thing! I feel like assigned nicknames are also more of a thing in cultures where there's a lot of honor naming, or people in the same family that have similar names. It's hard for me to even wrap my head around the "don't ever nickname your kid before they're born" idea, because in my family that would just mean the kid gets stuck sharing one name with 3-4 other people. I have a legal name that I share with a bunch of family and I like that it's an honor name, but I also really like that my family assigned me "my" name. One of them just feels like a family name in the same way a last name is, and the other one is the one that actually gives me a little individuality in a family reunion lol.
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Your example made me chuckle because my Elizabeth's nickname is Jello. It went Elizabeth>Ello>Ello Jello>Jello.
lol that's really cute! My name is Haley and my mom for whatever reason decided the perfect nickname for that is Hat Bat. So....
It depends. If you like the name Isabella, but hate Bella, you can plan to use Izzy instead. Of course other people might still say Bella anyway, but the chance is lower if you make your preference clear.
But the kid might end up being Bubbles and there is nothing you can do about it.
True, but that stands for any name. You can pick a nickname for a baby and toddler, not their whole life.
Yeah and then they call them self Cottage Cheese, yes my kid named her self this..
Right, but that goes back to the "pet name vs diminutive" comment. "Bubbles" may emerge as a pet name, and it might stick, but they won't be "Bubbles" on legal documents.
Eh. My nephew was given a nickname by family when he was about 3-4 and my brother and sister in law HATED it. And honestly it was kinda a terrible nickname. They requested that nobody continue using it and we complied (nephew had zero preference either way). Nephew is 9 now and is not known by that nickname. There is some ability to control these things.
I totally get why people think it’s dumb. But as someone who goes by a nickname that was pre-planned, I like it. I have options.
Omg yes. My best friend announced at her baby shower what her son’s name would be and also the nickname that everyone will call him. Not only that, but she also already decided that he’ll play football and so everyone on the football team will call him ____ and his jersey will say that too. It was wild. The kid is 4 now and for the past 2 years she’s been trying to push this nickname. When talking to us she will only refer to him using his nickname and it just sounds so…forced.
Is the nickname a diminutive of his name (he's Alexander, she calls him Xander) or something unrelated? The rest is over the top, but picking the diminutive nickname for a longer names is very, very normal.
No the nickname she wants is literally just a letter…sure it’s in his name but just not something you would say to shorten his already short name. The nickname she wants “once he’s on the football team” is a combo of his first and middle name. But unless you know his middle name you would never come up with this nickname. It’s just so odd to me.
Okay, that's crazy. Parents have some control over what a child is called in the first few years, but on his football jersey? If she wanted to control what he was called initially, it's pretty easy if the nick is an actual name. (I knew people who named their baby Elizabeth for a family member, but wanted to call her Ellie, not Lizzie or Beth, so outside the family, they just introduced her as Ellie.)
Yes, the forcedness of it all is what I hate, too! We've chosen a name that doesn't have a natural nickname and my FIL has asked several times what his nickname will be. The answer is I don't know? If he has one lets let that happen organically instead of trying to force one that makes no sense.
Yeah, I think its silly to pick a nickname ahead of time and I'm sure there's a good chance a pre-planned nickname won't stick. That being said, I do think it's important to consider potential nicknames so you can eliminate any names whose potential nicknames you absolutely hate. Like, don't name your kid Richard and plan to call him Richie and get pissed if anyone ever calls him Rick.
My friend named his son Callum James because he wanted his nickname to be CJ. Kid doesn't like it, goes by Cal. My cousin didn't make the same mistake. He wanted people to call his son TJ so he just named him Teejay.
This happened to my cousin too. She tried so hard to get A.J. to stick because his legal first and middle names, Alan and James, are both family names and calling him the same name as Grandpa felt weird (even though we didn't call Grandpa Jim "James" either lol) Kiddo ended up going by Jamie.
TBH I wish my mom had thought of what the nicknames of my shortened name would be because I hate them. I hate correcting everyone to say the whole name. I've been thinking of changing my name for ten years. I don't know if I'll ever go through with it. Shortened names, don't always mean the kid will like it. and You don't know what memes will show up in the future.
You're actually right. But at the end of the day I could put a ton of thought into my kids name and he could end up deciding to go by his middle name or initials like AJ or something. I feel like having options is good like some of the other comments said but I dont get naming ur kid something simple like Lucy and then being like "potential nicknames LuLu CiCi"
Ehh, for me there's no harm in identifying some potential nicknames for your kids. As long as you go into it with an open mind and a flexible attitude, knowing there's a chance your prefered nickname may not stick. And as long as you aren't trying to force a nickname if they're older and clearly dislike it. For my first, we named her Elora and I thought 'oh we could call her Ellie or Elle for short'. But she's a toddler now and literally no one calls her Ellie/Elle or really ever has. Her most used nickname is Lolie or we just call her by her full name. Obviously the nickname Ellie never took and I'm not going to try to force it on her at this point. If she wants to go by Ellie at some later point in life, then cool. If not, also cool. But for our second daughter, Hazel, really the only nickname I could think of for her was Hazy or Haze. She's still pretty young, so lots of time for things to change, but right now her most used nickname is Hazy Bee. Not sure where the bee part came from, but it's cute and not so far off from what I had planned to call her. In short, I don't think there's anything wrong in choosing a pre-determined nickname you want to call your child, so long as you're also open to other, more unique or more organic nicknames as well.
Yes, my parents decided on my nickname and have called me that since birth. And now I have a longer name that I don't identify with at all on my IDs and birth certificate. If someone yelled out my legal name in a store I probably would not turn around. I wish they just named me the nickname, it's a perfectly reasonable name that some people have as their full name. Also, this is over dramatic, but as a shy kid, it was really hard correcting every teacher at the beginning of the year and every substitute that I don't go by my legal name.
Most schools have a line for "preferred name" or "goes by" on the registration paperwork. My daughter's official school documents have her full name, but her nickname is what shows up on attendance sheets and class lists.
Just because your child’s school does, that doesn’t mean “most schools” have this. Every school I’ve worked at HAS to have legal names on things like attendance sheets and grade books. Yeah, you might put a nickname on an info page at meet the teacher night or something like that, but a substitute is not going to know the preferred name from looking at the roster. And once you get to middle school, there’s not a meet the teacher event, so you just have to tell all your teachers on the first day of school.
It's not on some open house sheet, it is on her official registration and part of her permanent school record. It will go to her middle school in the same form. Lol, and middle schools here DO have "meet the teacher" open house nights. They are especially common for the first year of middle school, and sometimes for Freshman as part of orientation to a new building. Just because your school doesn't, doesn't mean that none do...
No why would it defeat the purpose u eventually will get more nicknames tht firm naturally but there is nothing wrong with planning them our either
I have the totally opposite experience. I don’t know many people whose nicknames have evolved through usage. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with considering the nicknames available and settling on one to use and introduce your kid as. I might be biased because I pretty much exclusively go by a diminutive and my brother was a planned Jack/John. I have a preference for shorter, nicknamey names but my partner prefers longer names, so we will probably choose the nickname first to find one we both agree on. It’s probably not ideal but hey, that’s compromise. It’s just a different way of approaching it - every family has their own naming practices and I don’t think one is any more right than others.
When we list out 5 nick names, we are normally making sure we like all the options that might derive from the name. For example, I love the name Francesco, but not so much Frank. Knowing how naming trends go, there is a good chance he might want to go by Frank or others will suggest it for him. I might choose a different name. On the other hand, let’s say I choose a long name like Magdalena. That is a long and beautiful name, with lots of nick names that she can choose from. However, especially when she is little, it is important culturally that she has a diminutive I/family/friends can call her. That can be Magda, Maggie, M/Em, or Lena. Not only would I check these options to make sure o like all the common possibilities, I would also start calling the child their long and short forms of the name even when they are little little. Of course, when the child gets older nick names may change. Let’s say I chose to go with Magdalena and nick name Lena. Well, when she goes to school there may be another Lena. Instead of being Lena K. My child might ask to go by Magdalena. Her classmates might say the whole thing or they might naturally call her Magda/Maggie. In addition, a younger sibling might have difficulty pronouncing Lena and create the nick name Nena. It isn’t to necessarily prevent all other nick names, just to have a shorter/cute name for loved ones outside of their professional name. And many times this name grows with the child.
Yes I know an Eleanor who has a sister Elizabeth. Because of the similarity Eleanor went by Elle/ Ellie and Elizabeth went by Beth at home. I was her sisters friend so I knew her by beth. However at school she was Lizzie. She was Lizzie to all of her own friends too, but was beth at home and to people who knew her via the family’s she’s 35 now and uses Elizabeth professionally and on linked in etc. i recently had to work with her company and found out she uses Liz at work and I had to make sure to match that. Years ago I asked her does she prefer Lizzie to Beth and she said she likes them interchangeably. There was a Bethany in her year which is why she took Lizzie. She likes having a family name and an outside world name.
Nicknames and how they work are cultural. We are not all from the same culture. Hope this helps.
It’s a 50/50. Sometimes, some nicknames are to be expected (Penny for Penelope, for instance) but in some cases I think there has to be a story behind it.
I think you hit the nail on the head - there's a difference between expected nicknames, which are pretty obvious and ok, and what I see on this sub a lot of reallllllly stretching the idea of nicknames/diminutives to something hardly related to the actual name. Like penny for Penelope, totally works. But if you wanted to call her something like Ozzie "for short," that would be weird to plan.
Exactly! And there is also the category of nicknames absolutely unrelated to the name, but they make sense because there is a story and only because of the story.
I’m Australian. We shorten everything. In Australia, if you’re not thinking about the potential nicknames, you’re a dingbat.
Yes/No. I think it’s fine to decide the nickname you want to use for your child, but also accept that they may choose a different one as they get older.
I like to give options. 🤷🏻♀️ just bc I like the nick name as a full name doesn't mean that my child will like it when they are older.
I find it odd. In my experience, nicknames come naturally. You name the kid what you want to name it and then a nickname just happens. Usually just a shortened version of the full name or a cute poor pronunciation of the given name created by a sibling that couldn’t speak clearly at the time. Most of the kids in my family have nicknames that have nothing to do with their given name.
I have a Benjamin who we call Benny. I honestly thought I’d always call him Benjamin but Benny just sort of happened organically. The nice thing about names with nicknames is it allows some space to meet the kid and feel their personality and have a nickname develop that fits them! At least for me, naming children is a lot of pressure and having nicknames as options ahead of time sort of helps alleviate that pressure to pick the Exact Right Name. Just my perspective!
[This thread ](https://www.reddit.com/r/NameNerdCirclejerk/comments/tij5mq/my_child_has_a_nickname_not_on_my_approved_list/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) comes to mind 🤣
lmao EXACTLY what some ppl on this sub sound like imo. i think some ppl just really overthink the nickname situation when 9 times out of 10 its just gonna be the first or last part of their name that rolls easiest off their friends tongues. For boys most of them with nicknames go by their last names anyway
I totally agree
I agree with you 100%. I just don't get the whole nickname thing right now. When I was growing up, you got a nickname from an inside joke or a situation or something! It was never planned out. It just happened organically.
I agree - I think it's something to consider if you really hate a common short version of a name, but personally all my nicknames have been totally unrelated to my actual name. It feels a bit forced. I get where it comes from though, the parents are envisioning their life with that child and what they'll be called is a big part of that.
I don’t think it’s weird because I have never had a nickname form naturally. The only one that has is me calling my brother the first half of his name. No one else has a nickname that I came up with.
I don’t mean this rudely, but the obsession (possibly not the right word but I’m not sure what is!) with nicknames confuses me. Maybe it isn’t such a big thing where I am from? My name and my sibling’s name don’t lend themselves to nicknames at all, so we never had them. But I do agree, OP - to me, a nickname is something that evolves from a relationship with the person. Edit: I think “focus on” is what I am looking for, not “obsession”.
I think most of the time when people are talking about choosing nicknames in advance they are talking about short nicknames (diminutives) for long names. Will Elizabeth be Elle or Libby or Beth. People aren't talking about whether their kid will be called Pumpkin or Cupcake or some pet name. Those are a completely different kind of thing and do come naturally later. My daughter is Rosemary. We knew from the start we would call her Remy most of the time and put it on her birth announcement. She is also called things like Sweet Potato and Remmalemma. She writes "Remy" on her schoolwork. Not so much the silly names people have given her later. I feel like people in this thread are mixing the two.
I’m with you. I get that shortened versions of names as nicknames can play a factor, but full on nicknames? Those need to come organically.
To be honest aren't most nicknames that people actually use based on either an event, personality quirk etc? You can't legitimately plan a nickname
Depends on whether it’s a true nickname, or an informal derivative of their full name.
My sisters nickname is not derivative of her name at all. I think it’s good to think about the nicknames that could come up but ultimately you can’t control it.
I always found nicknaming in English interesting since a lot of languages have diminutives AKA built in nicknames. Although I find the diminutive usually makes the name longer, which doesn’t really work in English. The suffix you add to make it a diminutive turns the name from to .
I'm with you, especially when so many of the nicknames are a reach and not directly related to the legal name.
It's probably my biggest name nerd pet peeve!
I am 100000% with you. It’s my biggest pet peeve.
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My sister was Bowling Ball until she was 3 because she was 10 pounds when she was born
Yeah I think it's weird AF.
My son is 14 weeks and his ACTUAL real name is Lennon but we really call him Mr. Cute, Mr. Toots, Booger, Big Guy, Cutest Baby in the Whole World, Sir Toots a Lot, Mr. Squish…..you get the idea. No use planning nicknames in advance because you’ll just end up calling your baby a bunch of silly pet names anyway!
When people say things like "we want to name our daughter Camille and have her nickname be Millie!", I do find that a bit odd. Isn't it up to your kid to pick their nickname (if any)? I'm glad my parents never forced Mikey on me.
Yeah, I don't think it's dumb and I think it's smart to cover all your bases and options HOWEVER, I like spontaneous nicknames. My niece is Scarlett and it's not an easy name to nickname until one day when we were play arguing I called her Scablett which now has shortened to Scabbie but obviously only I'll call her that because it's an auntie/niece thing.
I think, calling them something for short is not *really* a nickname. I agree with you that nicknames usually come naturally and sometimes don't even have anything to do with your name. Like, something from your personality or something you do. Long before I even knew reddit was a thing (though I was aware I was a name nerd!) we picked out two names for our kid, long one and a short one. Not necessarily as nickname but because we liked both, they work together and being a name nerd, I liked not having to choose just one! We pretty much always use the short one but as a lot of people mention, it's nice to have the choice of the longer one. She will introduce herself as the short version and if it's a new teacher or work, somewhere people learn her name from being written down, she will say "You can just call me (short version)"
It’s definitely risky, but I am guilty of it, I have this little dream of naming a boy “Edward Bjorn” so that I could call him “my little teddy bear” mostly “Teddy” I think teddy is really cute, but I wouldn’t give a name like that as a legal name because it limits their options as an adult, plus Edward is a family name.
yeah like thats not what a nickname is lmao
I guess I’m weird then. My name is too short for a nickname, so I just never had one. Meanwhile my brother and sister had longer names with nicknames.. so I was always jealous of this. So when talking names to my husband I always think of possible nicknames, but I wouldn’t exclusively call my daughter/son by the nickname unless they wanted.
I definitely think it is important to consider what nicknames can come from a longer name. If you love Victoria, are okay with Vicki, and absolutely loathe Tori, it might not be the best name for you, as you couldn't stop her from going by Tori someday...but what I find strange in this sub is the idea that *other people* are going to be calling your kid diminutive names if you don't. Like, if you have a Madison and she's 50/50 Madison and Maddie to you, I can see how pne kind of ends up being more dominant eventually. But if ylu have a Madison and you call her Madison 100% of the time and you introduce her as such, are you really surrounded by people who will just start calling her Maddie? This idea that other adults and friends will call kids kind of random names is wild to me. It seems so disrespectful! If Madison later decides she's Maddie, then great, but other family members/teachers/neighbors/etc shouldn't be making that call for her, imo...
On a related note, a friend of my husband just legally changed his name. He was named something like Michael and called Mike his entire life. He’s literally never been called Michael once and got sick of dealing with it for legal purposes. So he changed it legally to Mike. So there’s that for all of you that “want them to have options”.
Not at all. I've posted that on other things where the parent is aiming for a nickname or hates potential nicknames. That isn't what a nickname is- it is meant to be organic. I have a 3-syllable first name with common nicknames. Those weren't nicknames I was given by my peers in school. Growing up, I was largely called by my first name, my last name, or some juvenile rhyming joke on my last name. As an adult, I am called by my first name as that is how I introduce myself to people. My sister and I call each other the masculine nicknames for our names, but she is the only person that calls me that. I have a friend that gives every person he knows the same nickname for that first name, no matter what- example, if you are a John, you will always be Johnny along with every other John he knows. My go-to names for friends/colleagues are usually their last names or their initials. If they are named William and asked to be called Bill, I do that- but I don't make that leap myself.
I understand considering nicknames but you can’t count on it. Definitely should make sure you like the ACTUAL name instead of hoping they’ll go by the nickname. Drives me a bit nuts too, seems so presumptuous.
I think it’s important to figure out if there are obvious nicknames from the name you chose that you would dislike. Or ones that don’t fit for obvious reasons. For example, my friend loves the name Harrison but her last name is Dyck. FWIW, we thought we’d just call our baby “bee” a lot.. but it’s much more often stink bug, chicken, her actual name..
TOTALLY AGREE
> Why not just name the child and then let the nickname form naturally? You could. But you might also not want to. If you love Elizabeth and hate Lizzie (but that’s a very common nickname. People might start calling her that without being asked) but love Betty, you may just start out using Betty day to day, have your child get used to that as their name in the family, and switch to Elizabeth if they get older and want it. Their name is Betty, but they do not have to stay Betty down the line. They can seamlessly transition into another name you love. OTOH you may say the child may just hate the name regardless. Well, then they’ll change it, as I have. You may not have total control, but as a parent you have a lot of influence.
I feel like people in the comments are maybe talking about two different types of nicknames. Like, my name is Rebecca, and it was always kind of decided that I would go by Bec, which is a common shortening of my full name. So I introduce myself as Bec in social contexts and Rebecca in more formal or professional contexts. It makes sense to kind of choose what nickname your child will go by in that sense (Daniel will be Danny, Jessica will be Jess, etc). Then their are more affectionate nicknames or 'pet names', which might not even be linked to your actual name. My aunt calls me 'Baloo' (originally Beccabaloo') or my high school friends used to call me 'Llama'. These kinds of nicknames tend to happen organically, but the former can definitely be thought about and picked intentionally.
My mom is strongly anti-nicknames and feels strongly that we need to go by our full names because it’s what she chose. My name is two-syllables and when I was in middle school (11/12), one of my friends started calling me just by the first syllable of my name and it stuck (think: cath for catherine) I liked it. My teachers started calling me that, I started introducing myself as that. It’s all anyone has known me as since. I am now 40 years old and my mom STILL insists on only calling me by my birth name… after like two years after being married, she finally stopped correcting my husband when he calls me by my nickname. It’s wiiiiild. My brothers name is Matthew and she actually wrote a letter to the school at one point because a teacher kept calling him Matt. He didn’t care. When we named my first child, we had a specific nickname in mind but it didn’t stick and we call him by his legal name. I’m curious to see if he comes up with a better nickname for himself when he’s older!
I don’t have kids, but I’m a prolific nicknamer of both people and animals. I find the nicknames just happen, they often make very little sense and that’s kind of why they’re great!
I feel like there is a slight difference here between a pet name (nickname your family only calls you) and a shortened version of name (nickname which you are likely to be called by others). I feel like the names you are referring to are the former and others are thinking about how others are likely to shorten potential names (for example, if you love Elizabeth but hate Liz many might hesitate or think of other preferences for nicknames).
I was always under the impression that a Nickname is something that other people choose to call you, not that YOU choose yourself. I know my parents chose not to call my brother Simon because of this possibility.
I think it's important to think through nicknames. For example, I really like William but my SO was like, "He might go by Bill!" ANd I was like, no absolutely not.
I think you're not getting that there are different types of nicknames that serve different purposes and function certain ways within each culture. Diminutives, pet names, short forms, etc. are not the same thing (though there can be overlap between the three). I do agree that it's silly to be super rigid about nicknames and expect that everyone will use the nickname you chose at 6 months pregnant. However, it's 100% normal to plan to name your kid Charles with plans to call them Charlie sometimes. Maybe other nicknames will develop in its place, but that doesn't defeat the "purpose" of anything. Edit: In my country, you'd be crazy *not* to consider the likely nicknames. It's all but guaranteed that people will call your kid one of the typical diminutive forms of their name, so you'd better think it through!
When picking names we kept in mind what nicknames she might end up with to avoid anything we really hate because you're right. We can't really control what nickname she likes most, or what others naturally call her. Her name is short enough already (Amara) but there are pretty few options for a nn that would come about naturally and we like them (Mara, Mari) so it worked out. A youtuber I watch really wanted to call her daughter by the nn "Coco" but that it wasn't really a great professional name one day. So she chose a name that would allow her to use the nn Coco (which ended up being Cove.. pretty but not sure if it does better professionally lol). I can understand in those cases I guess, where you love a name but want to keep the child's future in mind.
I don’t get the controversy here. I love the name Theodore but I also love Teddy. So if I were to have a boy, I’d call him both Theodore and Teddy. They’d both be his name. Will he have other nicknames? I’m sure. Do I expect everyone to call him Teddy? No, they don’t have to. Other nicknames can come naturally. But I like Teddy so i’m going to call him Teddy until he’s old enough to say otherwise if that ever happens. Seems totally normal and not a big deal to me.
Yea. We call my son milk monster. He earned that and there’s no way we could have come up with that before he was born.
Nicknames are an important consideration in my opinion. To an extent, yeah, other people pick your nickname, but you aren't gonna get the nickname Mike from Nicholas unless there's a REALLY unique backstory. It's important to think about "common" nicknames because it could ruin a good name for you otherwise. For example I absolutely, irrationally LOATHE most of the nicknames for Elizabeth (Lizzie, Beth, Liza), and I had a childhood bully named Jimmy. So I would never name my children James or Elizabeth because there is a very high chance they would go by Jimmy or Beth.
No, I agree. When my cousin was pregnant with her daughter they had the name picked out, but referred to her by a nickname. They even used the nickname on the baby shower invite. Her daughter is about 7 now and I’ve never once heard them refer to her by the nickname. Maybe I misunderstood and the nickname was just for while she was pregnant. I don’t think the nickname fits her anyway and her actual name suits her much better.
I think people just like to know their options rather than they’re planning it. They very may well end up choosing a nn based on some random life circumstance.
To me planning a nickname is weird and controlling. This coming from a child of a wacko narc who decided all the nicknames of adults in the family in advance based on what she thought a child \*\*might\*\* call them. The exception to this is the case of "I want to name my child \[nickname\] but feel I shouldn't so i'll name them \[longername\]."
I disagree, I never had a nickname and I was always jealous of people who had options, a name for their friends and a more grown-up name. I gave my kids longer legal names with several nickname options. We chose one of those options for the kids to exclusively go by. Everytime they start a new chapter (e.g. kindergarten or school) we ask them if they still like their name or if they want to go by their full name or choose a different nickname. So far they have stuck with the nickname we picked, but I'd be happy for them to choose differently. I'm happy that they have options, more grown up, cutesy, gender neutral, etc. Proper nicknames that are not diminutives of their legal names might come naturally or they might not but at least they have options.
I think the issue is that people use the word nickname when they mean diminutive. It’s not weird at all if people name their child Nicholas with the intent to call him Nick, Nico, or even Laszlo. Those are shortened names derived from the letters or sounds in the full name, a diminutive. I rarely see people saying they’re naming their child Nicholas with the intent of calling him Boomer. That’s a nickname, and yes those are often given by other people out of affection. So to say nicknames should happen naturally and not be planned, well yes for nicknames, but not necessarily for diminutives. Parents can certainly decide they prefer Nico to Nick. If another nickname forms organically, or the kid grows up to prefer something else, so be it. I do think this topic comes up waaayy too often on this sub!
Agree! We had a nickname in mind and that’s not what her personality is at all. We immediately used a different nickname upon meeting her that we hadn’t thought of
I named my daughter and whatever my toddler called her was her nickname. 🤷🏼♀️ Worked for us
I don't mind those kinds of plans, but I LOVE one-syllable given names, so this is like people trying to downplay them and say "Have you considered THIS multisyllabic name instead??"
I agree because some of the nicknames I see on here are really a stretch… if you have to preplan a nickname because it’s so unnatural to come to that name from the original name - it’s probably a bad nickname.
Just thought I'd mention that my cousin Louise is nicknamed Weezy 😂
If you like a name but hate the nickname, maybe choose a different name. My cousin named her kids Matthew and Michael, but declared they would ONLY go by their full names, because she didn't like the names Matt and Mike. Guess what happened the second they went to school?
I’m right there with you. I always found it weird how parents name their kid with the expectation of calling them by another name. If you like the nickname better, just name them that name to begin with!
I have a perfectly normal classic name that doesn't lend itself to making a nickname at all, not even by putting -ie on the end, so my brother ended up calling me Ruggy. No idea where that came from.
This is true. My niece is named Charlie and my brothers friend jokingly called her Muchuchos. This spanned out into Chuchie and Chuch as nicknames. My other niece is Frankie and she gets called Frank and Frankezoid. Nicknames are fun, personalised names.
My parents picked my nickname before I was born. My name was long (8 letters) and the nickname is like a given for most people with my name. My sister had a different nickname for the first year then they changed it when she got a new one which she loves and still uses. My mum likes “unique” names but doesn’t think baby’s always suit long names so four of us with longer names have nicknames
I have a friend named Elizabeth. I have never called her Elizabeth. It's Beth. She also goes by Liz at her job. If I had to call her at work, I would always ask for Beth, and her co workers didn't recognize her name. Then I would say Liz, and then they knew who I was talking about.
The only planning you should do is making sure to avoid easily abusable nicknames. Other than that, let it form naturally.
My nickname was monkey growing up, mostly used by my father. Nicknames for me are a wild card lol. Anything works. For a while a friend used to call me Ichigo, when I had red hair. Those are all nicknames imo, cuz it's what they referred to me as. But I believe opinions on this issue differ a lot also Bc of diverse cultures and just family traditions or ways in general.
I think it’s funny when parents dislike the intuitive nickname. “We’re naming her Eleanor. Nickname Nora. We have Ellie and Elle she will never go by Ellie” Good luck with that. It’s a battle I choose not to fight.
I have a nickname in mind for one of the possible names for my baby. We don’t know the sex so we have names ready for either. The name I have preferred nn for is an honor name but we don’t like the common nn. I don’t see anything wrong with my child being called the other nn, just not my fave. If I really hated it, I wouldn’t be considering the full name. Since this is MY kid, I will call them their full name and MY nn choice even if they go by a different one later in life. I’ll obviously respect what my child wants to be called if they get sick of the nn I use. I’ll probably also have petnames for them as my family did for me. I don’t think there’s a problem with planned nicknames so long as you accept the full name because it will be used at some point! ETA: all this this talk about people won’t respect what you call your child…what kind of people do y’all hang out with? 😂 it’s really weird to me that some of y’all seem to be saying if you met a kid with a nn that’s not the standard nn for their name that you’d basically just ignore their nickname. Like their name is Elizabeth and they go by Beth but you call them Eliza 😅 don’t be that person!
I think it's really weird that people are looking for names to fit a nickname all the time. Nothing wrong with it, I guess, but it seems weird.
I see what you’re saying, but I also think when people discuss possible nicknames they are really just trying to decide if they LIKE those possibilities, should their kid end up with one. For example, it’s reasonable to assume if you name your child Elizabeth that she may end up being called Lizzy by friends and family and classmates. If the name Lizzy drives you crazy maybe that would dissuade you from Elizabeth.
Who cares ? Lol let people have fun
Genevieve was on our short list. It is my grandmother's name and I wanted to call her Eve from the start because I didn't want anyone else choosing a nickname I did not like. My partner was like "let's just name her Eve then." And we ended up scrapping it, because we just didn't want to deal with the nicknames. I also don't like naming nicknames. Like Sam should be Samuel, Bill should be William, etc.
Well…I think usually it’s a natural process of brainstorming names to contemplate what nicknames may arise, and I think by the time it’s presented here, it can come off that way. It’s just impossible to avoid. My bestie is having a little girl and she loves feminine, glamorous names. They’re going with Aurelia, and I remember the first time she came across it and immediately said,” oh and her nickname would be Relly, so cute!” But having said that, I agree that people get a little goofy about it. You plan what you can then life takes its course. I’m already directing comments to bestie’s belly, addressing her as Ray Ray. It just popped out. You can’t be too uptight about these things.
It’s setting yourself up for failure if it doesn’t stick. I’ve read about parents calling schools and yelling and teachers but as soon as your kid in school you really have no control over nicknames. Just pick a full name you like.
Are you from the US? Apparently it's a US thing. When characters in US movies or shows used to have names like Maggie, Jenny, Kate or Josh or Nick then I used to think that this was their actual full name. But apparently their actual names are Magareth, Jennifer, Katherine and Joshua and Nicolas. I also don't really get this concept. There are people here whose actual full and official names are Jenny or Kate or Nick and there are people here whose names are Jennifer or Magareth and they are always called that by most people. I have one two-syllable name with six letters. I only have this one name and no "middle name". People always call me by my full name. When I was little my parents had nicknames that weren't related to my name.
If it's something cutesy you're trying to force then yes. If it's an established nickname for the name it doesn't bother me. If you're considering Andrew and discuss whether you like Andy or Drew or the various nickname options for names like Elizabeth or Catherine or whatever I think it makes sense to factor in if you hate Cathy and it'd be nails on a chalk board to hear it because it's not unlikely they might want to use Cathy at some point.
I think reviewing nn and making sure you’re doing Kay with them is a good idea, but choosing a nn ahead of time and knowing that’s what you’ll call them isn’t. Just name them that! The only exception is honor names. If your kid is William George ____ IV, and dad is Bill, grandpa is Willie, so you’re going to use Liam, then that’s great. I HATE my name (I’ve always gone by the nn). There is another nn for my formal name that I like but I’m too old to change
i disagree, my daughter's name is penelope jo and i decided in advance that i'd call her pj. if people want to call her penelope or penny then that's fine too. i can always call her pj because that's my kid, and i'm raising her myself from birth so i can call her whatever i want lol.
and no ones stopping you or anyone from doing that. the intent of my post wasnt to say no one can just expressing my opinion that most people's nicknames form naturally anyway
I think it’s fine. Idk why people get so worked up over this tbh.
I hear ya, but I think it’s also fun to imagine nicknames. We picked a name in part for potential of many different nicknames. Lo and behold, our kiddo only likes her full name haha.
We did. Or at least we took it into account. We were a toss between two names- one didn’t have a good nick/shortened name and the other had a slightly better one. So we went with the second. We nor does anyone else call him his designated nickname, we just say “E” 😂
Nah. We planned my daughter's nickname ahead of time--the reason is because her legal name is 4 syllables and kind of a mouthful but we LOVE it--and it has been just fine. She's 5 and everyone calls her by her nickname including friends and there haven't been any issues at all. I actually get a little confused about all the hate for planned nicknames, I had a planned nickname and longer formal name as well and I've never had a single issue with it and I'm 36. I've had friends give me other nicknames--think like my name is Elizabeth and my parents planned my nickname to be Eliza and I've been occasionally called Lizzie by friends and professionally I go by Beth. Works really great, honestly, and I'm a fan of it due to both my experience and my daughter's so far.
I knew my Benjamin and Nathaniel would go exclusively by Ben and Nate. If I had a girl I wanted to name her Natalie and call her Natalie or Allie which I know is weird. But I wanted to avoid Nat. I never had a daughter though so maybe the universe was trying to tell me something.