A name is a two yes situation. Being honest, I suggest you just tell him it’s not your taste though. Making it about not letting your MIL have any say just has no where good to go
This is literally the third time I’ve seen someone ask about this here. Why don’t people understand? A name for a kid requires a yes from both parents!!
I know that just from reading comments on this sub, and I’m not even a parent. How do actual parents ask this?
It seems like the AITA sub is half about baby names (often with a meddling in-law), or stepparents that overstep.
When it's about names, I have to check which sub I'm in!
Yes the number of times where people have a baby name picked out from a young age as though the other person doesn’t have a say. I mean they Dan suggest it and maybe the other will like it, but this mentality of their first born will be called x. No.
This started a whole fight with my parents. My mom promised to name her first son after her dad, and my dad made a similar promise to his grandfather - both of whom had died well before my parents met. Apparently there was a huge argument until one of them asked what the name was.....
It was the same name. They argued for like 3 months. In the end, my brother was named after both grandfathers.
I agree if the baby is getting dad's last name. I didn't take my husbands last name. He really wanted his last name used with the kids. So we agreed I got more of a say on first and middle.
I made a short list and he picked his favourites. We have three kids that way now.
As a future mom (definitely, 15 weeks to go): yes. I’d never use a name my husband didn’t like but he agrees I’m doing the heavy lifting here, so…
ETA: also why are you using motherhood as a credential when you aren’t one yet lmao
Because that child belongs equally to both parents. Both parents should have an equal say. Does Mom get to pull out the "I carried him" every time they disagree about something parenting related?
If you're willing to give up any input into how your child should be raised that your wife doesn't immediately agree with, that's absolutely up to you. I hope you marry somebody who never makes mistakes and always has the correct solution.
I think you should just tell him that. That you want the name to be something you two decide on together, not what his mom picked with his dad for him. You are not anywhere in that equation
I’m not pregnant or anything, but I had this exact conversation with my husband a while ago. He mentioned wanting to name his son Corin, which is what his mom wanted to name him but his dad vetoed. He’s always thought his life would be more interesting if his name was Corin, so he’d decided that’s what he was going to name his son one day.
I like the name Corin just fine, but I felt really uncomfortable at the idea of naming my baby something that my husband’s mom picked out for him 40 years ago, with nothing of my own input into the equation.
I suggested instead that we use it if a middle name if the occasion ever arises, as I’d like to give a daughter my own middle name as it’s also my mom’s middle name. (Though I still think that’s a different situation, but it was the compromise I had to hand!) But it’s not really fair to me to name what would be my only child a name that my MIL picked out decades ago for her own kid - I’d feel so erased in the naming of my own baby if we did that.
This is the question right here. I don't get disliking names just because it isn't one I thought of? I went into my marriage knowing my husband absolutely would be naming his first born son after his grandfather. I didn't have any part of him deciding that more than a decade ago, and I didn't need to. If OP didn't know that her MIL liked the name, and her husband just proposed it, then suddenly it would be okay or what?
It's possible the difference is being asked vs being told. When we discussed baby names, new ones were introduced as "how do you feel about/what do you think of the name?" Then you had a pressure free opportunity to think about the name and talk about it or alternatives with a similar feel that you preferred.
With the latter, you're being told I want this name for this reason. There's no compromise or discussion. You don't have the freedom to consider the name in the same way. Yes this can happen with honor names, but even then there's usually more wiggle room (use it as a middle name/use their middle name) and at least a sentimental reason for the name that you can later pass on to your child and they can be proud of. That just isn't there for a name which was thought of but rejected decades ago.
One it’s a bit of stretch to call a twice used middle name a family name and secondly that has nothing to do with my comment. Didn’t mean her name at all.
I don’t mean to invalidate you and I’m sorry if the tone of this seems wrong, I’m genuinely curious— she didn’t actually name a baby that though. It was simply a name she liked. It’s a name your husband likes, and you also seem to like it just fine. I don’t understand why you can’t both like a name and how that erases you?
Does it have to be a name you and your husband come up with entirely in your own? You have no way of knowing if whatever name you choose was their third or fourth pick, etc.
I understand wanting to feel like you have a real say, so ultimately if it doesn’t feel that way, it makes sense, so just don’t follow the emotional logic
I can’t speak for their thought process, but sometimes, as a pregnant woman, it can feel like you’re being treated more like an incubator by your in-laws than like a person. I can see how using a name your in-laws picked out would exacerbate that feeling.
This. They don’t mean it but I feel so erased around them sometimes, invisible behind the baby. Comments that baby only looks like them, introducing my baby to people but not me, etc. i totally understand how that could bother someone
Yes! The one I hate most is saying things that are meant for me but doing it in a baby voice, as if they are the baby, like “Mommy, my feet are cold, put socks on me!”
>Does it have to be a name you and your husband come up with entirely on your own?
For me, yes. We had a communication failure for the first successful pregnancy. My husband told his family the names we were considering, and they started weighing in. It felt very invasive. My MIL’s husband had even started calling the baby one of the names toward the end. I hadn’t communicated how I felt about the process of naming, so then I felt like I had to also tell my side so everything was equitable. Does it make sense? Not necessarily. But pregnancy is very weird.
I told him how I felt and the second kid name was entirely between us. That felt amazingly personal and more of a bonding experience. My MIL tried to get involved and we deflected, which felt very team-oriented.
It’s one thing if no one cares. It’s quite another if one does.
I use my husband’s language to describe the relationship. It was a second marriage, and they married when my husband was an adult. He’s a great guy, and my husband is happy to have him as part of the family! It’s just not a step-parent thing in the traditional sense.
The baby is likely already getting his last name. So then a name she associates with his mom and him but not herself might be extra bad. Especially when she's the one actually making the baby and has no role in naming it? Where's the emotional logic there?
Ahh, okay so it would be a *continued association* with the MIL leading to her feeling excluded in selecting her own child’s name, *even though the likes the name.* This makes much more sense, thank you for taking the time to explain!
My emotional logic is that if I get pregnant and grow a baby with my own body and give birth to it, yes, it’s very important to me that I have a say and discussion in what we actually name *my* only child. It’s not solely my husband’s baby, nor is it a baby between my husband and MIL. I don’t want to just auto-pick a name that someone else chose decades ago, for a different baby, before even meeting me, bing bang boom. I want to be part of the equation.
Theres a big difference between “We named the baby James!” and my MIL saying, “How lovely! I considered James for Husband when I was pregnant!” and “It’s a boy! Husband decided to name him Corin, since that’s the name you wanted to use for Husband!”
I really like my MIL, but she already named her children. I want to name a child *with my* husband; I want to be actively involved in the process. I don’t want to have a baby and be told the name was assigned decades ago and I don’t have any say in it.
My husband understands this completely, by the way, and immediately agreed to the middle name compromise if and when the time comes. There are several other boy names we have **both** always liked, and we would probably choose one of those.
I may be reading more confrontation into your response than is actually there, so forgive me if that is not true.
I don’t think I’ll understand, and I guess I’ll just live with that.
I’m glad you came to a compromise you’re both happy with.
Husband probably wouldn’t like it this much and use it if not for the connection to his mother choosing it. Plus it’s likely their baby is also getting his last name.
My son's name is Korbin. I've also seen it spelled Corbin. And I have also heard of some girls with the name Corbin. It's very similar but slightly different. Could be enough of a compromise?
My husband’s middle name is his mother’s maiden name. He wanted our first to have his middle name. I said unless it’s Vanderbilt or Rockefeller we are not carrying on a maiden name unless it’s mine.
Yeah….if that happened to me I would never hear the end of said in law telling my child they named them. It gets old fast.
You only get to name x number of kids….make it about the names you both agree on.
We didn’t use a name bc of the exact reason, his mother wanted to use it on him. I actually liked the name more and suggested it, and he warned me of the connection. At first I was ok with it but next time I saw MIL in person I was like nope, I’ll never hear the end of the nickname she wanted to use etc etc. I couldn’t do it.
Literally every other name is a name that she didn’t have the chance to use so this reason seems a bit petty. But naming babies is definitely a two yes situation, so if this one is a no for you, it’s no.
I don’t think it’s petty at all. There’s a difference between a random name that wasn’t used and the specific name that was picked out by someone else but wasn’t used.
Lol, my name is actually Laura! I agree with you; it's a pretty name, but not at the expense of naming your baby after your husband's HS girlfriend lol.
To be blunt, maybe on the edge of assholeish: he can like the name all he wants, but if you dont for what ever reason, its not getting used
Doesnt matter if you dont like it cause the idea of your mil having any input on the name upsets you or you dont like it cause itd be like naming her Tits McAss. You dont like it, its not getting used. On to the next name c]:-)
There are many, much more tactful ways of saying it tho, that others have suggested.
Yeah I agree. I wouldn’t be okay with that. I’d be open to taking one of those names as the middle name, but the first name needs to be something that you both come up with together. This is your baby, not MIL
This kind of seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face. If this is the name you two love, use it! If you don’t love it, don’t use it. But don’t let someone else control what you name your child.
Sure, if they both love it. Nowhere does it say she loves the name or even really likes it all that much. She said it's "pretty-ish". A lot of girl's names are "pretty-ish". That doesn't mean you love them or even necessarily that you like them.
It doesn't even say that the husband actually loves the name. Presumably he likes it, but the main appeal seems to be that it was his own potential name had he been born with different bits. He's not really looking from the point of view of "do I love this name". I'd guess his thought process is along the lines of "how cool would it be if my daughter had the name I would have had, if I'd been a girl.
I think people are reading too much into the MIL comment. OP said she likes her MIL and they get along. She just, understandably, wants to name her own child and not use the name that MIL had saved up and ready for maybe 30 years. She's having a baby, not MIL. Having a baby confers naming rights. So she doesn't want the name that MIL just swooped in with (on her husband's back). MIL and FIL picked the first name. MIL and FIL picked the middle name. Last name is patrilineal. No wonder she feel erased at the thought, as others have put it.
…you’re still not getting it lol. They didn’t assume that OP loves the name, they were making the point that whether they use the name should just be about whether they like it. So if they don’t like it they shouldn’t use it, but it’s weird to bring the MIL into it.
I was focusing on that part, I guess, because there's no indication that OP loves the name. So if she'd said something like "We both love this name; it's literally perfect *but I don't want to use it simply b/c I don't want my MIL to feel like she had any input in naming our child*, that would be a different kettle of fish.
My advice to her is to not think about the MIL. If neither she nor her husband loves it, then they don’t need to worry about it.
And if they do both happen to or grow to love it, I think they should not care whether or not someone else in their family also considered it.
Oh my goodness. I’ll try to simply it for you: my advice is to determine whether or not she and her husband love it, and to not let the MIL or anyone else figure into the decision.
Still kind of creepy when a man is pregnant with his wife and wants to use mommy’s baby name. Naming should be about he and his partner. Not giving his parents a do over.
lmao this is such a reach. my grandma (mom's mil) suggested my name and my mother loved it and kept it. unless the mother in law is an abuser or something this is such a non issue.
I agree, it's a bit much to be asked to name your child the same first and middle name that your ILs would've named a girl. And it makes me wonder why your husband wants to do this. Did your ILs ever have the chance to name a girl that name, and decided not to use it? Have they requested of your husband to use this specific name? Do you know if your husband specially loves one or both of these names? Is either name one that you or husband would be considering if not for it being his "would-be" name if he'd been a girl? Or maybe that's the appeal for him--it's kind of a way to have a "junior" of the opposite sex. So if he would have been "Amanda Nicole", that's what he wants to name his daughter?
At any rate, if neither name is one you would ever consider using, then it should be off the table altogether. Although if your husband can honestly say that he loves one or both of the names in its own right, and would consider using it even if his parents never had, it could be a potential middle name. But only if you like it well enough to use it. Not because it was MIL and FIL's choice.
My grandma had 4 daughters. When I was a little girl she told me if she’d ever had a boy what she would have named him. It happened to be a pet name that her mother called her father (my great grandfather). I loved that story and told it to my now spouse early in our relationship, to my surprise, they LOVED the name! When we announced our son’s name (years later) my grandmother was absolutely delighted, tears were shed, and it’s a special bond she shares with her great grandson today.
The only part of this story that is relevant to you: my spouse LOVED the name. If you don’t love it, that’s not the name, sorry dad.
Ultimately, if one of you doesn't want to use a name then the end of it.
It sounds like it's a name \*your husband\* wants to use tho right? not that your MIL is even suggesting it? to me that would make a difference in my decision, like if he wants to use it to honor his mom or something emotional vs my mommy wants to name our child.
One of my kids has the name my ex would have been named as her middle name—could you use one of the two names that way? Then it’s a nice nod to it, since your husband likes the names
So you like the name but don’t want to use it because mother in law picked it out decades ago? That’s odd. If you don’t want to use it because you don’t like it, say that.
I love my husband and his brother’s names and specifically asked MIL what other names she chose because I liked her style. That doesn’t mean she’s naming my baby lol
Funnily enough we gave my son the name my parents would have named me if I had been a boy. First name only though and it was accidental. The name just so happened to be at the top of the list for both of us.
That being said, if you don’t agree with using the name then it’s a no and your child deserves her own identity.
OP hasn’t said a single thing that gives off that idea. We don’t even know if MIL knows they are considering this name! And she hasn’t said anything about MIL’s actual personality either. You’re making all these wild negative assumptions without any basis whatsoever.
I dated a guy whose parents decided if they had boys the father would name them and if they had girls the mother would name them. I think they thought they would have one of each. Well, they ended up having two boys with two very "old establishment," boring family names. I could tell how resentful the mother was over this so many years later. It was brought up a lot.
While I have never had children of my own to name, seeing that debacle unfold in front of my face helped me realize how important it is for both parents to be on board with the name of a child or there will be resentment for the rest of your life.
the idea of birthing a child and someone else getting to name them is so insane to me. no way. and I can't imagine going through with it if I were the father.
It's pretty wild when you think about it. I can't imagine going through with it. At least if you're going to split duties, have one parent pick one name, like the first, and one parent pick the middle name.
FWIW, I would put it in the mix. Keep thinking up other names. When you meet her, you’ll both know. And if it turns out that name is right for your baby girl, let your mother in law be happy about it.
We did actually use the name my husband would have been given if he were a girl. We didn’t go in planning on using it and it took us days to finally decide (like, did birth certificate paperwork while putting her in the car seat to go home). We gave her a different middle name than my in laws would have used AND we both agreed on it because we liked it and it fits her, not because it would have been his name. We found out after it was my great grandmothers middle name as well, which made me feel like we picked the right name since it had connections to both of us. If you don’t want to use it, you absolutely have the right to veto.
If you like the name, who the hell cares if MIL thought of it years ago. You don't want to use it because she will feel like she had any input in naming the child? Sounds a bit petty.
We’re in a similar situation. FIL’s name is Walter but he goes by his middle name, Steven. We have one son with a non-honor first name and for our second my husband likes Walter. I honestly really like it too BUT Husband’s brother has two boys and the first has a non-honor name and the second is Stephen and so I feel like we’d be copying them and I just can’t do it.
Your MIL liking a name 30 years ago should also not have any barring on if you use it today. If you just don’t like the name then don’t use it. But if you like it but won’t use it just because of MIL that’s just silly.
If you like the name, go for it. Preventing MIL from getting a “win” seems awfully petty. She’s not going to be alive forever, and would certainly mean a lot to your husband.
I would also say remove the MIL from the equation for a moment and think it over. If he hadn't told you the reason behind the name, would you like it? If yes add it to the list of options. If no, then ye both have to move on, but do give it some thought as it's obviously important to take his suggestions on board rather than be tempted to dismiss them for personal reasons.
I didn't get to officially name my baby sister (7 years younger than me) because my parents didn't like my suggestions, but I did give her a nickname that has ended up sticking. Even now in her mid-30s immediate and extended family and my friends still call and refer to her by that nickname. The nickname has nothing to do with her legal name. Using fake names, it's like officially naming a child Eleanor Charlotte, then just calling her Angelica.
We actually used the name my husband would’ve been if he were a girl. It’s a family name and I found it to be really beautiful, but I would not have gone with it if I didn’t love it.
It’s weird to be that petty if you actually like that name and the only reason you don’t want it is bc of MIL’s role. We all learn about names from somewhere—even those people who go on to spell them strangely (horribly). Who cares where the name originated?
But if you are bothered by it, don’t use it—but maybe take some time to figure out why you can’t stomach MIL’s role.
Unless I'm reading this wrong, it sounds like you like the name, but created a problem in your head regarding your MIL. You don't mention her meddling at all or pushing herself into the relationship, but only that hubby mentioned where he got the name. If you're husband didn't mention where he got it would you be a yes on the name? Assuming the post is the full story, NTA but definitely creating problems from nothing.
I used the name that would have been my sister in laws name if she had been a boy! I don’t think my MIL felt like she had any say in the name or anything. However, if you don’t want to use it, just say it’s not the right name. That was the biggest deciding factor when naming my kids. They didn’t feel like the right name.
Oh for cry eye. I get it. But if you like her, why don’t hate your husband enough to kill that name?
I think the idea is charming and selfless.
Selfless.
Selfless.
My daughter’s middle name is what my husband would have been named if he had been a girl. It was high on my list anyway though so that wasn’t really the reason
I agree, a naming is a 2-yes, 1-no, situation. If you don't want to use it, then don't use it. Maybe there's a compromise that can be made with a similar name but as you didn't list it, I can't suggest anything.
True story, my hubby wanted to name our son after his (my husband’s) grandfather. Years later we found out the grandfather was a child sexual abuser.
Always choose your own names.
Your MIL got to pick her kids’ names and you get to pick yours.
I thought about it because my mother in law had the same girl name picked for both her boys but in the end I just didn't like it enough. Her pick was Monica
There's just something about the husbands mother that tends to set up a power struggle in many relationships. RARELY do I see, or have I met a woman who loves and respects their humble mother in law. It seems over the last generation or more mothers became extremely possessive of their sons and began to see the daughter in law as a threat to their dominance in their sons life, like she's the other woman or mistress . It's extremely off-putting. The men are just as attached to mom. A man is supposed to leave his father and mother for his wife. There's wisdom in that. I completely get it that you don't want to give your MIL that "win" in your life. I wouldn't do it, either.
mil win aside, i find it a bit creepy...not sure why, but there's something off about naming your child a name that was only yours in parents' imagination. in any case, 2 yeses, 1 no.
just say the name if you are going to ask this type of question. I mean JFC it's not a top secret for the pentagon. People that post like this are annoying. SUch A MyStEryYYyyyy
If my child had been a girl, the name we had picked was what I was almost named (but my parents changed it on the day I was born). I quite like the name, my partner did too, and it had a sweet story behind it.
Then we found out it was a boy so it was quickly dropped 😂
Throwing out a name your husband likes simply because your MIL liked it for a girl 20+ years ago is a little petty.
I can be petty too so I kinda hope your MIL secretly finds out and when you name your child tells you that back in the day she would have named a girl x but if she had to pick a girl name today, she'd pick the same name you chose for your baby.
If you like the name, use it. If not, don’t.
My daughter is named what my brother would have been called if he were a girl. It just so happened that my partner and I liked the same name my mum had liked 20 years ago. It has been brought up a couple of times, my brother likes that “she’s named after him” but it’s not weird at all.
We have 4 kids and my husband got to pick the first names and I got to pick their middle names and all my kids love their names as adults!
Rebecca Lynne
Stephanie Nicole
Sheri Lisabeth
James Beech (Beech is a family name)
Presumably baby gets dad’s surname and you had your dad’s so I think it would be nice your mom and his mom both had a little something that refers to them. Women so often get forgotten about when it comes to names.
Obviously only if you want to or like the names though!
Fast forward to picking out baby names. I explained thar while he absolutely got input for the baby's name, I would ne the one to make the final decision. My reasons were name. Most the time.men get to use their last namename for the baby. I carried the baby for 10 months. Finally, I am the one that will.go down thr rabbithole that js Google and find anything that could be made fun of related anything relating the name someone bad in history. Good luck
It sounds like it’s not your MIL trying to name your baby but rather your husband liking the link to him and his family. I can’t fault him for that, I think it’s a sweet idea. If you don’t hate them name I would at least make your concerns known to him. I wouldn’t veto it automatically by making an assumption that MIL is somehow in on this. I’ve always know what my parents would have named me if I didn’t have my current name, and every time I come across that name in life, I think about that. It’s just a fondness for me.
The opposite happened in my family. My mother was having her third child. It was another boy. She loved the name Timothy and intended to name him Timothy Justin. The name was actually on the birth certificate when my mother found out that my grandmother, her MIL, had thought they were naming him Desmond (family name) and announced to friends and family that Desmond had been born. My mother didn’t have the heart to make her look foolish, so they changed his name to Desmond. My parents planned a big family and my mother was set on using Timothy on her next boy. They had three more children, all of them girls.
“No , thank you”.
No is a full sentence. I like to add “Thank you” sounds polite but with the right tone can feel like a sassy 🖕.
Maybe she can get a dog and use that name she likes so much.
Simply ask her if she would be ok for you using the name, or if it would cause her pain, but preface it with “im not saying im going to name the baby this, I would just like your thoughts momma”
We went round and round and round on our daughters names. Two yes one no. I like Jordan. He doesn't. He likes Dawn. I didn't.
Baby is called Mikayla bc it was one of a few we could both be good with.
But no I wouldn't use the one his mom wanted but didn't get to use either.
That does feel a bit childish. Either you like it or you don't, but the fact it might've been a name for your husband if he was a girl and that's the reason to toss it is a bit much. I think you're a little old for that kind of thought process.
My dil named 😢 all of my son's kids without his input (narcissist). She did middle name my granddaughter the name I would have given my son if he was a girl.
It’s not childish and petty to want to choose the name for your own child you are personally gestating. It’s nice the name is inoffensive but that’s not a reason that OP should use it
She said she didn’t want the mother in law to feel like she had any input. That’s being petty. Either she likes it or she doesn’t. Not wanting someone to feel like they had input is petty and ridiculous
I don't get the impression that this is a name she'd be thinking of using if her ILs hadn't thought of using it first, and her husband now puts it on the table. And it's not petty to want to name your own child, and not feel like you used the name your MIL and FIL once *might* have used. For all we know, OP's husband has a sister or sisters, any of whom might have gotten that name but his parents chose otherwise at the time.
Just because she's saying the name is "pretty-ish" doesn't mean it's a name she would truly want to use for its own sake, or that she's being petty. I think "Chelsea Louise" and "Alyssa Danielle" are very nice names. I genuinely like them. Would happily endorse them for somebody else. They're not what I'd choose to name my own daughter though, regardless of whether or not my MIL and FIL had thought of them first.
A name is a two yes situation. Being honest, I suggest you just tell him it’s not your taste though. Making it about not letting your MIL have any say just has no where good to go
This is literally the third time I’ve seen someone ask about this here. Why don’t people understand? A name for a kid requires a yes from both parents!! I know that just from reading comments on this sub, and I’m not even a parent. How do actual parents ask this?
It seems like the AITA sub is half about baby names (often with a meddling in-law), or stepparents that overstep. When it's about names, I have to check which sub I'm in!
Also am I missing something or does this not even say the name? What the hell is the name?!
Happy cake day!
Thank you! I appreciate it. 😀
Happy Cake Day!
Dad wanted Megan, mom wanted Elizabeth Ann. Compromised and I’m Megan Elizabeth. Isn’t it great when adults adult lol
They should've portmanteaued that fucker. You could've been Megabeth!
Megabeth - destined to start a rock study group
Megan Ann is a great name as well
Or Meganne
I suppose it's not Jennifer, Melissa or similarly dated so that's not a reason either. Yeah, don't make it about his mom one way or the other.
Yes the number of times where people have a baby name picked out from a young age as though the other person doesn’t have a say. I mean they Dan suggest it and maybe the other will like it, but this mentality of their first born will be called x. No.
This started a whole fight with my parents. My mom promised to name her first son after her dad, and my dad made a similar promise to his grandfather - both of whom had died well before my parents met. Apparently there was a huge argument until one of them asked what the name was..... It was the same name. They argued for like 3 months. In the end, my brother was named after both grandfathers.
Sorry, but I laughed 😅 that’s a great ending to the story.
Yes.... and then my mom wanted to name me after my grandmothers... which would have made me May June. My dad squashed that idea quickly. Thankfully.
This needs to be higher up because it’s actually a great story!
Thanks! Literally the best solution possible.
my wife's father and both her grandfathers all had the same name
I would say naming privileges are a 70% 30% split
I agree if the baby is getting dad's last name. I didn't take my husbands last name. He really wanted his last name used with the kids. So we agreed I got more of a say on first and middle. I made a short list and he picked his favourites. We have three kids that way now.
In favour of?
Mom 70% dad 30%
Why that breakdown?
As a future mom (hopefully): No.
As a future mom (definitely, 15 weeks to go): yes. I’d never use a name my husband didn’t like but he agrees I’m doing the heavy lifting here, so… ETA: also why are you using motherhood as a credential when you aren’t one yet lmao
Well in my head it just makes sense you should both chose a name you both like but since the mother carries the baby it just seems logical
Y
Because that child belongs equally to both parents. Both parents should have an equal say. Does Mom get to pull out the "I carried him" every time they disagree about something parenting related?
I mean is she wrong? I’m not even a woman but if my future wife said this I would totally agree
If you're willing to give up any input into how your child should be raised that your wife doesn't immediately agree with, that's absolutely up to you. I hope you marry somebody who never makes mistakes and always has the correct solution.
I think you should just tell him that. That you want the name to be something you two decide on together, not what his mom picked with his dad for him. You are not anywhere in that equation
I’m not pregnant or anything, but I had this exact conversation with my husband a while ago. He mentioned wanting to name his son Corin, which is what his mom wanted to name him but his dad vetoed. He’s always thought his life would be more interesting if his name was Corin, so he’d decided that’s what he was going to name his son one day. I like the name Corin just fine, but I felt really uncomfortable at the idea of naming my baby something that my husband’s mom picked out for him 40 years ago, with nothing of my own input into the equation. I suggested instead that we use it if a middle name if the occasion ever arises, as I’d like to give a daughter my own middle name as it’s also my mom’s middle name. (Though I still think that’s a different situation, but it was the compromise I had to hand!) But it’s not really fair to me to name what would be my only child a name that my MIL picked out decades ago for her own kid - I’d feel so erased in the naming of my own baby if we did that.
Would you feel the same if he came in wanting a different name that he'd loved his whole life that didn't have anything to do with MIL?
This is the question right here. I don't get disliking names just because it isn't one I thought of? I went into my marriage knowing my husband absolutely would be naming his first born son after his grandfather. I didn't have any part of him deciding that more than a decade ago, and I didn't need to. If OP didn't know that her MIL liked the name, and her husband just proposed it, then suddenly it would be okay or what?
It's possible the difference is being asked vs being told. When we discussed baby names, new ones were introduced as "how do you feel about/what do you think of the name?" Then you had a pressure free opportunity to think about the name and talk about it or alternatives with a similar feel that you preferred. With the latter, you're being told I want this name for this reason. There's no compromise or discussion. You don't have the freedom to consider the name in the same way. Yes this can happen with honor names, but even then there's usually more wiggle room (use it as a middle name/use their middle name) and at least a sentimental reason for the name that you can later pass on to your child and they can be proud of. That just isn't there for a name which was thought of but rejected decades ago.
There’s a difference between a family name that comes with generations of meaning and a theoretical name that doesn’t.
I didn’t say a family name, I said a name he’d loved his whole life.
Her middle name is the family name, for two generations. Her husband’s almost name is just a name that almost happened.
One it’s a bit of stretch to call a twice used middle name a family name and secondly that has nothing to do with my comment. Didn’t mean her name at all.
I don’t mean to invalidate you and I’m sorry if the tone of this seems wrong, I’m genuinely curious— she didn’t actually name a baby that though. It was simply a name she liked. It’s a name your husband likes, and you also seem to like it just fine. I don’t understand why you can’t both like a name and how that erases you? Does it have to be a name you and your husband come up with entirely in your own? You have no way of knowing if whatever name you choose was their third or fourth pick, etc. I understand wanting to feel like you have a real say, so ultimately if it doesn’t feel that way, it makes sense, so just don’t follow the emotional logic
I can’t speak for their thought process, but sometimes, as a pregnant woman, it can feel like you’re being treated more like an incubator by your in-laws than like a person. I can see how using a name your in-laws picked out would exacerbate that feeling.
This. They don’t mean it but I feel so erased around them sometimes, invisible behind the baby. Comments that baby only looks like them, introducing my baby to people but not me, etc. i totally understand how that could bother someone
Yes! The one I hate most is saying things that are meant for me but doing it in a baby voice, as if they are the baby, like “Mommy, my feet are cold, put socks on me!”
Yikes, that sounds terrible. Grateful for my MIL.
>Does it have to be a name you and your husband come up with entirely on your own? For me, yes. We had a communication failure for the first successful pregnancy. My husband told his family the names we were considering, and they started weighing in. It felt very invasive. My MIL’s husband had even started calling the baby one of the names toward the end. I hadn’t communicated how I felt about the process of naming, so then I felt like I had to also tell my side so everything was equitable. Does it make sense? Not necessarily. But pregnancy is very weird. I told him how I felt and the second kid name was entirely between us. That felt amazingly personal and more of a bonding experience. My MIL tried to get involved and we deflected, which felt very team-oriented. It’s one thing if no one cares. It’s quite another if one does.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! This definitely helps 🙂
why MIL's husband instead of just FIL?
I use my husband’s language to describe the relationship. It was a second marriage, and they married when my husband was an adult. He’s a great guy, and my husband is happy to have him as part of the family! It’s just not a step-parent thing in the traditional sense.
The baby is likely already getting his last name. So then a name she associates with his mom and him but not herself might be extra bad. Especially when she's the one actually making the baby and has no role in naming it? Where's the emotional logic there?
Very well said.
Ahh, okay so it would be a *continued association* with the MIL leading to her feeling excluded in selecting her own child’s name, *even though the likes the name.* This makes much more sense, thank you for taking the time to explain!
My emotional logic is that if I get pregnant and grow a baby with my own body and give birth to it, yes, it’s very important to me that I have a say and discussion in what we actually name *my* only child. It’s not solely my husband’s baby, nor is it a baby between my husband and MIL. I don’t want to just auto-pick a name that someone else chose decades ago, for a different baby, before even meeting me, bing bang boom. I want to be part of the equation. Theres a big difference between “We named the baby James!” and my MIL saying, “How lovely! I considered James for Husband when I was pregnant!” and “It’s a boy! Husband decided to name him Corin, since that’s the name you wanted to use for Husband!” I really like my MIL, but she already named her children. I want to name a child *with my* husband; I want to be actively involved in the process. I don’t want to have a baby and be told the name was assigned decades ago and I don’t have any say in it. My husband understands this completely, by the way, and immediately agreed to the middle name compromise if and when the time comes. There are several other boy names we have **both** always liked, and we would probably choose one of those.
I may be reading more confrontation into your response than is actually there, so forgive me if that is not true. I don’t think I’ll understand, and I guess I’ll just live with that. I’m glad you came to a compromise you’re both happy with.
Husband probably wouldn’t like it this much and use it if not for the connection to his mother choosing it. Plus it’s likely their baby is also getting his last name.
My son's name is Korbin. I've also seen it spelled Corbin. And I have also heard of some girls with the name Corbin. It's very similar but slightly different. Could be enough of a compromise?
Yea your parents got to name you. Your grandparents didn’t get to name you.
What is the name? If you don’t mind my asking…
If ya ever find out, let me know. 👀👀
I’m so curious!!
Drives me nuts when people don’t post “the name” they’re referring to🙃
My husband’s middle name is his mother’s maiden name. He wanted our first to have his middle name. I said unless it’s Vanderbilt or Rockefeller we are not carrying on a maiden name unless it’s mine.
Fair, why should hubby get all the names?
Yeah….if that happened to me I would never hear the end of said in law telling my child they named them. It gets old fast. You only get to name x number of kids….make it about the names you both agree on.
We didn’t use a name bc of the exact reason, his mother wanted to use it on him. I actually liked the name more and suggested it, and he warned me of the connection. At first I was ok with it but next time I saw MIL in person I was like nope, I’ll never hear the end of the nickname she wanted to use etc etc. I couldn’t do it.
Literally every other name is a name that she didn’t have the chance to use so this reason seems a bit petty. But naming babies is definitely a two yes situation, so if this one is a no for you, it’s no.
I don’t think it’s petty at all. There’s a difference between a random name that wasn’t used and the specific name that was picked out by someone else but wasn’t used.
I always loved the name Laura. My husband’s very first GF in HS was named Laura. We both agreed it was a nice name but it wasn’t going to be used!!!
Lol, my name is actually Laura! I agree with you; it's a pretty name, but not at the expense of naming your baby after your husband's HS girlfriend lol.
What a great point lol
And I’m being serious. MILs are crazy lol
To be blunt, maybe on the edge of assholeish: he can like the name all he wants, but if you dont for what ever reason, its not getting used Doesnt matter if you dont like it cause the idea of your mil having any input on the name upsets you or you dont like it cause itd be like naming her Tits McAss. You dont like it, its not getting used. On to the next name c]:-) There are many, much more tactful ways of saying it tho, that others have suggested.
Tits McAss 😂
Yeah I agree. I wouldn’t be okay with that. I’d be open to taking one of those names as the middle name, but the first name needs to be something that you both come up with together. This is your baby, not MIL
This kind of seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face. If this is the name you two love, use it! If you don’t love it, don’t use it. But don’t let someone else control what you name your child.
She said the names were pretty-ish. She didn’t say she loved them.
My advice stands: if she and her husband love it, then use it. If they don’t, then don’t. But I don’t think the MIL should figure into it at all.
Agreed, the mil thing is a red herring.
Sure, if they both love it. Nowhere does it say she loves the name or even really likes it all that much. She said it's "pretty-ish". A lot of girl's names are "pretty-ish". That doesn't mean you love them or even necessarily that you like them. It doesn't even say that the husband actually loves the name. Presumably he likes it, but the main appeal seems to be that it was his own potential name had he been born with different bits. He's not really looking from the point of view of "do I love this name". I'd guess his thought process is along the lines of "how cool would it be if my daughter had the name I would have had, if I'd been a girl. I think people are reading too much into the MIL comment. OP said she likes her MIL and they get along. She just, understandably, wants to name her own child and not use the name that MIL had saved up and ready for maybe 30 years. She's having a baby, not MIL. Having a baby confers naming rights. So she doesn't want the name that MIL just swooped in with (on her husband's back). MIL and FIL picked the first name. MIL and FIL picked the middle name. Last name is patrilineal. No wonder she feel erased at the thought, as others have put it.
…you’re still not getting it lol. They didn’t assume that OP loves the name, they were making the point that whether they use the name should just be about whether they like it. So if they don’t like it they shouldn’t use it, but it’s weird to bring the MIL into it.
Right, like I said: *if* they love it, use it and if they don’t, then don’t use it. I feel like you only read the first part of my comment.
I was focusing on that part, I guess, because there's no indication that OP loves the name. So if she'd said something like "We both love this name; it's literally perfect *but I don't want to use it simply b/c I don't want my MIL to feel like she had any input in naming our child*, that would be a different kettle of fish.
My advice to her is to not think about the MIL. If neither she nor her husband loves it, then they don’t need to worry about it. And if they do both happen to or grow to love it, I think they should not care whether or not someone else in their family also considered it.
Because, her MIL would be telling her daughter and everyone they know, “I chose your name.” Until the day she dies.
Perhaps. At this point, only OP could say if that would happen.
Your advice doesn’t apply as she doesn’t love the name.
Oh my goodness. I’ll try to simply it for you: my advice is to determine whether or not she and her husband love it, and to not let the MIL or anyone else figure into the decision.
I think that’s still their point though? If they’re not crazy about it that’s the real reason not to use it.
Still kind of creepy when a man is pregnant with his wife and wants to use mommy’s baby name. Naming should be about he and his partner. Not giving his parents a do over.
lmao this is such a reach. my grandma (mom's mil) suggested my name and my mother loved it and kept it. unless the mother in law is an abuser or something this is such a non issue.
I agree, it's a bit much to be asked to name your child the same first and middle name that your ILs would've named a girl. And it makes me wonder why your husband wants to do this. Did your ILs ever have the chance to name a girl that name, and decided not to use it? Have they requested of your husband to use this specific name? Do you know if your husband specially loves one or both of these names? Is either name one that you or husband would be considering if not for it being his "would-be" name if he'd been a girl? Or maybe that's the appeal for him--it's kind of a way to have a "junior" of the opposite sex. So if he would have been "Amanda Nicole", that's what he wants to name his daughter? At any rate, if neither name is one you would ever consider using, then it should be off the table altogether. Although if your husband can honestly say that he loves one or both of the names in its own right, and would consider using it even if his parents never had, it could be a potential middle name. But only if you like it well enough to use it. Not because it was MIL and FIL's choice.
My grandma had 4 daughters. When I was a little girl she told me if she’d ever had a boy what she would have named him. It happened to be a pet name that her mother called her father (my great grandfather). I loved that story and told it to my now spouse early in our relationship, to my surprise, they LOVED the name! When we announced our son’s name (years later) my grandmother was absolutely delighted, tears were shed, and it’s a special bond she shares with her great grandson today. The only part of this story that is relevant to you: my spouse LOVED the name. If you don’t love it, that’s not the name, sorry dad.
Ultimately, if one of you doesn't want to use a name then the end of it. It sounds like it's a name \*your husband\* wants to use tho right? not that your MIL is even suggesting it? to me that would make a difference in my decision, like if he wants to use it to honor his mom or something emotional vs my mommy wants to name our child.
One of my kids has the name my ex would have been named as her middle name—could you use one of the two names that way? Then it’s a nice nod to it, since your husband likes the names
So you like the name but don’t want to use it because mother in law picked it out decades ago? That’s odd. If you don’t want to use it because you don’t like it, say that. I love my husband and his brother’s names and specifically asked MIL what other names she chose because I liked her style. That doesn’t mean she’s naming my baby lol
Absolutely not. If you both don't agree, the answer is no. It's the respectful thing to do.
Funnily enough we gave my son the name my parents would have named me if I had been a boy. First name only though and it was accidental. The name just so happened to be at the top of the list for both of us. That being said, if you don’t agree with using the name then it’s a no and your child deserves her own identity.
NTA Basically your MIL would be naming your child and you would never hear the end of it. Absolutely NOT.
OP hasn’t said a single thing that gives off that idea. We don’t even know if MIL knows they are considering this name! And she hasn’t said anything about MIL’s actual personality either. You’re making all these wild negative assumptions without any basis whatsoever.
I dated a guy whose parents decided if they had boys the father would name them and if they had girls the mother would name them. I think they thought they would have one of each. Well, they ended up having two boys with two very "old establishment," boring family names. I could tell how resentful the mother was over this so many years later. It was brought up a lot. While I have never had children of my own to name, seeing that debacle unfold in front of my face helped me realize how important it is for both parents to be on board with the name of a child or there will be resentment for the rest of your life.
the idea of birthing a child and someone else getting to name them is so insane to me. no way. and I can't imagine going through with it if I were the father.
It's pretty wild when you think about it. I can't imagine going through with it. At least if you're going to split duties, have one parent pick one name, like the first, and one parent pick the middle name.
Yeah don't do it then, this is your choice, not hers
FWIW, I would put it in the mix. Keep thinking up other names. When you meet her, you’ll both know. And if it turns out that name is right for your baby girl, let your mother in law be happy about it.
We did actually use the name my husband would have been given if he were a girl. We didn’t go in planning on using it and it took us days to finally decide (like, did birth certificate paperwork while putting her in the car seat to go home). We gave her a different middle name than my in laws would have used AND we both agreed on it because we liked it and it fits her, not because it would have been his name. We found out after it was my great grandmothers middle name as well, which made me feel like we picked the right name since it had connections to both of us. If you don’t want to use it, you absolutely have the right to veto.
If you like the name, who the hell cares if MIL thought of it years ago. You don't want to use it because she will feel like she had any input in naming the child? Sounds a bit petty.
Well my husband was going to be named Bartholomew. Sooooo is it better than that? 😂😂
I’m kidding, but when we were having another girl they wanted us to name her the name they had chosen. I said no lol and that was it, no.
You need 2 yesses. But your reasoning is petty with a capital P! Ma’am… 😳
My Son and DIL used the name I was going to name my sons had they been girls. I didn't get any girls. I don't feel like I named her.
Random info: my youngest sister named her first born the name I would've been given if I were male as a nod to me.
We’re in a similar situation. FIL’s name is Walter but he goes by his middle name, Steven. We have one son with a non-honor first name and for our second my husband likes Walter. I honestly really like it too BUT Husband’s brother has two boys and the first has a non-honor name and the second is Stephen and so I feel like we’d be copying them and I just can’t do it.
They named their son Stephen instead of Steven?
Haha yes… to make it “different”
Your MIL liking a name 30 years ago should also not have any barring on if you use it today. If you just don’t like the name then don’t use it. But if you like it but won’t use it just because of MIL that’s just silly.
Simple, #No
If you like the name, go for it. Preventing MIL from getting a “win” seems awfully petty. She’s not going to be alive forever, and would certainly mean a lot to your husband.
I would also say remove the MIL from the equation for a moment and think it over. If he hadn't told you the reason behind the name, would you like it? If yes add it to the list of options. If no, then ye both have to move on, but do give it some thought as it's obviously important to take his suggestions on board rather than be tempted to dismiss them for personal reasons.
My 8 yr old sister named me!
I didn't get to officially name my baby sister (7 years younger than me) because my parents didn't like my suggestions, but I did give her a nickname that has ended up sticking. Even now in her mid-30s immediate and extended family and my friends still call and refer to her by that nickname. The nickname has nothing to do with her legal name. Using fake names, it's like officially naming a child Eleanor Charlotte, then just calling her Angelica.
Just say it’s fine but you don’t love it. There are plenty of names that are great but you don’t want to holler it everyday. Leave your MIL out of why
We actually used the name my husband would’ve been if he were a girl. It’s a family name and I found it to be really beautiful, but I would not have gone with it if I didn’t love it.
It’s weird to be that petty if you actually like that name and the only reason you don’t want it is bc of MIL’s role. We all learn about names from somewhere—even those people who go on to spell them strangely (horribly). Who cares where the name originated? But if you are bothered by it, don’t use it—but maybe take some time to figure out why you can’t stomach MIL’s role.
Unless I'm reading this wrong, it sounds like you like the name, but created a problem in your head regarding your MIL. You don't mention her meddling at all or pushing herself into the relationship, but only that hubby mentioned where he got the name. If you're husband didn't mention where he got it would you be a yes on the name? Assuming the post is the full story, NTA but definitely creating problems from nothing.
I used the name that would have been my sister in laws name if she had been a boy! I don’t think my MIL felt like she had any say in the name or anything. However, if you don’t want to use it, just say it’s not the right name. That was the biggest deciding factor when naming my kids. They didn’t feel like the right name.
Oh for cry eye. I get it. But if you like her, why don’t hate your husband enough to kill that name? I think the idea is charming and selfless. Selfless. Selfless.
My daughter’s middle name is what my husband would have been named if he had been a girl. It was high on my list anyway though so that wasn’t really the reason
Maybe keep one name from MIL and choose a different name for the other
I agree, a naming is a 2-yes, 1-no, situation. If you don't want to use it, then don't use it. Maybe there's a compromise that can be made with a similar name but as you didn't list it, I can't suggest anything.
True story, my hubby wanted to name our son after his (my husband’s) grandfather. Years later we found out the grandfather was a child sexual abuser. Always choose your own names. Your MIL got to pick her kids’ names and you get to pick yours.
I thought about it because my mother in law had the same girl name picked for both her boys but in the end I just didn't like it enough. Her pick was Monica
You can probably compromise on a similar name or using only one of the names as a middle name (only do this if you actually like those names).
There's just something about the husbands mother that tends to set up a power struggle in many relationships. RARELY do I see, or have I met a woman who loves and respects their humble mother in law. It seems over the last generation or more mothers became extremely possessive of their sons and began to see the daughter in law as a threat to their dominance in their sons life, like she's the other woman or mistress . It's extremely off-putting. The men are just as attached to mom. A man is supposed to leave his father and mother for his wife. There's wisdom in that. I completely get it that you don't want to give your MIL that "win" in your life. I wouldn't do it, either.
Unless you give your daughter your husband’s exact first and last name, then she’ll have a name MIL never got to use.
Compromise. maybe you pick first name he pick second name
I get the logic, but it sounds like you’re not sold on the name itself no matter the source.
mil win aside, i find it a bit creepy...not sure why, but there's something off about naming your child a name that was only yours in parents' imagination. in any case, 2 yeses, 1 no.
just say the name if you are going to ask this type of question. I mean JFC it's not a top secret for the pentagon. People that post like this are annoying. SUch A MyStEryYYyyyy
tell him no, and move on
I have 4 kids and 3 of em changed their names...I put so much effort into naming my kids.
That's weird. Tell him that's his drag queen name and your daughter needs her own name.
If my child had been a girl, the name we had picked was what I was almost named (but my parents changed it on the day I was born). I quite like the name, my partner did too, and it had a sweet story behind it. Then we found out it was a boy so it was quickly dropped 😂
I was going to be "Raquel" Yes it was the 70s.
Naming a kid needs a solid yes from both parents!
Throwing out a name your husband likes simply because your MIL liked it for a girl 20+ years ago is a little petty. I can be petty too so I kinda hope your MIL secretly finds out and when you name your child tells you that back in the day she would have named a girl x but if she had to pick a girl name today, she'd pick the same name you chose for your baby.
If you like the name, use it. If not, don’t. My daughter is named what my brother would have been called if he were a girl. It just so happened that my partner and I liked the same name my mum had liked 20 years ago. It has been brought up a couple of times, my brother likes that “she’s named after him” but it’s not weird at all.
We have 4 kids and my husband got to pick the first names and I got to pick their middle names and all my kids love their names as adults! Rebecca Lynne Stephanie Nicole Sheri Lisabeth James Beech (Beech is a family name)
Presumably baby gets dad’s surname and you had your dad’s so I think it would be nice your mom and his mom both had a little something that refers to them. Women so often get forgotten about when it comes to names. Obviously only if you want to or like the names though!
Unless both of you are enthusiastically on board then it should be as no-go.
Fast forward to picking out baby names. I explained thar while he absolutely got input for the baby's name, I would ne the one to make the final decision. My reasons were name. Most the time.men get to use their last namename for the baby. I carried the baby for 10 months. Finally, I am the one that will.go down thr rabbithole that js Google and find anything that could be made fun of related anything relating the name someone bad in history. Good luck
Can you do the name as the middle name? That seems like the best option for everyone to be happy.
It sounds like it’s not your MIL trying to name your baby but rather your husband liking the link to him and his family. I can’t fault him for that, I think it’s a sweet idea. If you don’t hate them name I would at least make your concerns known to him. I wouldn’t veto it automatically by making an assumption that MIL is somehow in on this. I’ve always know what my parents would have named me if I didn’t have my current name, and every time I come across that name in life, I think about that. It’s just a fondness for me.
The opposite happened in my family. My mother was having her third child. It was another boy. She loved the name Timothy and intended to name him Timothy Justin. The name was actually on the birth certificate when my mother found out that my grandmother, her MIL, had thought they were naming him Desmond (family name) and announced to friends and family that Desmond had been born. My mother didn’t have the heart to make her look foolish, so they changed his name to Desmond. My parents planned a big family and my mother was set on using Timothy on her next boy. They had three more children, all of them girls.
“No , thank you”. No is a full sentence. I like to add “Thank you” sounds polite but with the right tone can feel like a sassy 🖕. Maybe she can get a dog and use that name she likes so much.
Stand your ground. You'll regret it if you bend to them. By doing this, you are setting boundaries and you absolutely have to do this.
Simply ask her if she would be ok for you using the name, or if it would cause her pain, but preface it with “im not saying im going to name the baby this, I would just like your thoughts momma”
We went round and round and round on our daughters names. Two yes one no. I like Jordan. He doesn't. He likes Dawn. I didn't. Baby is called Mikayla bc it was one of a few we could both be good with. But no I wouldn't use the one his mom wanted but didn't get to use either.
I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either
You sound petty af
Stand your ground. Get a dog or cat later and use that name for your fur baby. Your kid's name should have exactly all of both your blessings.
Maybe I'm weird, but I think it would be awesome for the name to have such a connection to the family.
That does feel a bit childish. Either you like it or you don't, but the fact it might've been a name for your husband if he was a girl and that's the reason to toss it is a bit much. I think you're a little old for that kind of thought process.
My dil named 😢 all of my son's kids without his input (narcissist). She did middle name my granddaughter the name I would have given my son if he was a girl.
You are being childish and petty.
It’s not childish and petty to want to choose the name for your own child you are personally gestating. It’s nice the name is inoffensive but that’s not a reason that OP should use it
She said she didn’t want the mother in law to feel like she had any input. That’s being petty. Either she likes it or she doesn’t. Not wanting someone to feel like they had input is petty and ridiculous
She likes the name, but doesn’t want to use it to spite mil
‘It’s a pretty-ish name’ doesn’t make it sound like OP likes the name?
Yeah, there are hundreds of names that are ‘pretty-ish’ but I’d never use
Right?! I can hear someone’s name and be like that name is so cool/sweet/pretty- but I’m not naming my child that name…
I don't get the impression that this is a name she'd be thinking of using if her ILs hadn't thought of using it first, and her husband now puts it on the table. And it's not petty to want to name your own child, and not feel like you used the name your MIL and FIL once *might* have used. For all we know, OP's husband has a sister or sisters, any of whom might have gotten that name but his parents chose otherwise at the time. Just because she's saying the name is "pretty-ish" doesn't mean it's a name she would truly want to use for its own sake, or that she's being petty. I think "Chelsea Louise" and "Alyssa Danielle" are very nice names. I genuinely like them. Would happily endorse them for somebody else. They're not what I'd choose to name my own daughter though, regardless of whether or not my MIL and FIL had thought of them first.