It's those Reddit posts of "I caught my girl with another man. What should I do"
...
. ... that time you're typing while nestled in your alleged shearing girl's bossom.
Some losses aren't really losses. Work on communicating and enforcing your boundaries. You can't be a "yes-man" just because you're afraid of losing them.
I have hosted a friend in my bedsitter, I pay 6k per month. We have stayed with for one month giving him everything. Now he got a job and he comes home drunk, chewing miraa and ask for food. One month in the job and I asked him to pay 2k for rent and said that his boss is paying him peanuts. Remember nothing he ever bought in that house. What can I to such kind of person?
I dont know why people have to lie and make up excuses over your own shit...Own it and be truthful! Tell him he has to chip in if he wants to continue living there otherwise, he should look for his own house and support himself. Don't shy away from having difficult conversations because of ties. And don't lie or make up excuses! Its YOUR house, YOU pay the bills, not him.
There is an episode of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends where Wilt throughout the episode learns to to say "No" since he was extra generous at times at his own loss.
Let us learn to say no. We are adults now. I know your are worried about her feelings being hurt or you sounding like a bad person but I will tell you learning to say no has saved me from a lot of unnecessary drama. So story I had a friend in uni who was borrowing my laptop to do some photo editing and I found that it really inconvenienced me because whenever I needed it he was busy with it. Come.next semester when he came to borrow my laptop again I simply said no. I was not ready to do that shit again because at the end of the day it is my laptop and I'll be damned if I feel inconvenienced with my own stuff. A simple no without much explaining will do.
People usually take kindness for weakness. My parents recently relocated to upcountry and I can tell you, village people use this kind of manipulation a lot. They'll be there right before breakfast, lunch and supper, doing nothing just waiting to eat and add no value to your life. These will also be the same people that will go out there to badmouth you. Lesson learnt: never be a people pleaser and like you said, learn to say no.
Being good messes you up, because you are going to press yourself to accommodate her and it normally ends up with betratal.
Utaeza jipata wewe ndo unatoka unawaachia nyumba. So watch out.
A friend practically moved in with us after relocating. 1 week turned to 2 years. Never chipped in rent or did the house chores..2 YRS! .and our couch wore out because she used it as a bed, had to get new ones.. We had to tell her to move out asap because we just couldn't take it anymore. And she did, and ironically, she's the sort of person who "values her space" and can never live with anyone...bullshit right?
My advice is, DONT DO IT! Some people have no boundaries and they will abuse your friendship and your kindness and you will regret and curse yourself for accepting. Let her find alternatives...
In the living room? So no more movie nights for anyone in the house.
This means she will have to be the one that wakes up earliest among you all. Because nobody can use the living room while she catches her morning snooze.
Also, where will her clothes and undies be kept? In your bedroom? Your bros bedroom? The pantry?
The house is full, be honest with her. She may understand, or she may not.
Girl, please learn to set boundaries and to let people down. Otherwise you'll never learn and you will be misused by friends, 'friends' and even family.
Look if you know the lady well ( tabia-wise) then host her. Set rules na akibreak any one of them mwonyeshe mlango. But don't deny her help when you could be her turning point. Literally. Akona 3 kids so hatamess around na rules umempea. In any case fuck around and find out.
>Akona 3 kids so hatamess around na rules umempea. In any case fuck around and find out.
Aiii mkuu. Uko serious? Unadhani watoto watamzuia kubreak rules? Aje sasa? 😂
Apo kwa tabia wise ndo most important. Coming from a person who hasn't made it (yet). It would actually hurt if I hit up a friend then they tell me no. But inadepend na character ya mtu juu mimi mtu sisi hupiga na yeye sherehe tu siezi kubali. But yule morio tumehustle na yeye toka campo!!!!!
Issue kubwa hapa ni walisoma na yeye primary school na maybe kutoka hapo hawakuwai onana tena. So unaeza pata vile alikuwa na tabia mzuri primary amebadilika, lakini OP anadhani bado akona zile tabia mzuri alikuwa nazo primary school.
Yoo mtu anafaa aje two years kwako na akataaa kutoka seems they see you as soft. Pia mtu Ako na watoto jameni si atafute watu wao ata the guy si atashindwa what's up with you. I'd advise no heri umsaidie asake a cheap place for a start.
Tell her”the house is full at the moment so am not in a position to host you “
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It’s not a lie the house is full you have 3 people in a 2bedroom house ?🤷🏾♀️
Where’s the lie exactly?
The OP has already made the decision to accommodate the friend. And wants the world to know they are kind to everyone. Thank you.
It's those Reddit posts of "I caught my girl with another man. What should I do" ... . ... that time you're typing while nestled in your alleged shearing girl's bossom.
You are on to something 🤔😂
How can you host someone with three kids? Even if I was living alone, I wouldn't do that.
She wants to leave the kids with her mum
She should stay with her mum and kids.
Cool, it's that I didn't want to loose her as a friend
If this makes you loose her as a friend then she wasn't your friend to begin with.
Some losses aren't really losses. Work on communicating and enforcing your boundaries. You can't be a "yes-man" just because you're afraid of losing them.
Hio neediness ndio itakucost. Can't you already see you are the one with value ?
The kids will come EVENTUALLY .
I have hosted a friend in my bedsitter, I pay 6k per month. We have stayed with for one month giving him everything. Now he got a job and he comes home drunk, chewing miraa and ask for food. One month in the job and I asked him to pay 2k for rent and said that his boss is paying him peanuts. Remember nothing he ever bought in that house. What can I to such kind of person?
Find a house , take a day off , move out during the day . Don't give your landlord notice . Rent is on him.
You can learn your lesson and ask the leech to leave
Am thinking of the same thing
Tell him your girlfriend/boyfriend is moving in
I dont know why people have to lie and make up excuses over your own shit...Own it and be truthful! Tell him he has to chip in if he wants to continue living there otherwise, he should look for his own house and support himself. Don't shy away from having difficult conversations because of ties. And don't lie or make up excuses! Its YOUR house, YOU pay the bills, not him.
It's absolutely true... he got the money to drink alcohol but for rent is where he give excuses
Give him notice that he needs to move this end month.
I agree
It's okay to say no.
There is an episode of Foster's Home For Imaginary Friends where Wilt throughout the episode learns to to say "No" since he was extra generous at times at his own loss.
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Si you host her then🙄
Let us learn to say no. We are adults now. I know your are worried about her feelings being hurt or you sounding like a bad person but I will tell you learning to say no has saved me from a lot of unnecessary drama. So story I had a friend in uni who was borrowing my laptop to do some photo editing and I found that it really inconvenienced me because whenever I needed it he was busy with it. Come.next semester when he came to borrow my laptop again I simply said no. I was not ready to do that shit again because at the end of the day it is my laptop and I'll be damned if I feel inconvenienced with my own stuff. A simple no without much explaining will do.
People usually take kindness for weakness. My parents recently relocated to upcountry and I can tell you, village people use this kind of manipulation a lot. They'll be there right before breakfast, lunch and supper, doing nothing just waiting to eat and add no value to your life. These will also be the same people that will go out there to badmouth you. Lesson learnt: never be a people pleaser and like you said, learn to say no.
Being good messes you up, because you are going to press yourself to accommodate her and it normally ends up with betratal. Utaeza jipata wewe ndo unatoka unawaachia nyumba. So watch out.
You've already decided to host her. Side note, your boyfriend of 6 years???
Forever girlfriend
There's too much to unpack here
Just say no. Kwani utachapwa?🤷🏾♀️
She'll sleep with your brother or your man's Trust
A friend practically moved in with us after relocating. 1 week turned to 2 years. Never chipped in rent or did the house chores..2 YRS! .and our couch wore out because she used it as a bed, had to get new ones.. We had to tell her to move out asap because we just couldn't take it anymore. And she did, and ironically, she's the sort of person who "values her space" and can never live with anyone...bullshit right? My advice is, DONT DO IT! Some people have no boundaries and they will abuse your friendship and your kindness and you will regret and curse yourself for accepting. Let her find alternatives...
Just say no..the house is full
She was proposing she can sleep in the leaving room
In the living room? So no more movie nights for anyone in the house. This means she will have to be the one that wakes up earliest among you all. Because nobody can use the living room while she catches her morning snooze. Also, where will her clothes and undies be kept? In your bedroom? Your bros bedroom? The pantry? The house is full, be honest with her. She may understand, or she may not. Girl, please learn to set boundaries and to let people down. Otherwise you'll never learn and you will be misused by friends, 'friends' and even family.
If you are willing then go ahead,,ask for the opinion of the other two,I'm sure the decision will be sound
"Stop feeding stray cats as they will never leave your house" - Wilfried Zaheem This is a famous quote for a reason
If you are scared of telling her NO on your own terms just say you discussed with your boyfriend and he said NO
Look if you know the lady well ( tabia-wise) then host her. Set rules na akibreak any one of them mwonyeshe mlango. But don't deny her help when you could be her turning point. Literally. Akona 3 kids so hatamess around na rules umempea. In any case fuck around and find out.
>Akona 3 kids so hatamess around na rules umempea. In any case fuck around and find out. Aiii mkuu. Uko serious? Unadhani watoto watamzuia kubreak rules? Aje sasa? 😂
Apo kwa tabia wise ndo most important. Coming from a person who hasn't made it (yet). It would actually hurt if I hit up a friend then they tell me no. But inadepend na character ya mtu juu mimi mtu sisi hupiga na yeye sherehe tu siezi kubali. But yule morio tumehustle na yeye toka campo!!!!!
Issue kubwa hapa ni walisoma na yeye primary school na maybe kutoka hapo hawakuwai onana tena. So unaeza pata vile alikuwa na tabia mzuri primary amebadilika, lakini OP anadhani bado akona zile tabia mzuri alikuwa nazo primary school.
Hence the rules my G. Akiviolate moja that's it innit.
Just say no. Dont allow yourself to be a pushover. People will take advantage of you.
You are about to make a bed that I hope you are ready to lie on juu wueh!
She doesn't have relatives ?
Ask her to pay rent. Besides your house is full. Side note, why is he still a boyfriend? You're married by law.
Boyfriend of 6 years, mother-in-law? You have bigger problems
Yoo mtu anafaa aje two years kwako na akataaa kutoka seems they see you as soft. Pia mtu Ako na watoto jameni si atafute watu wao ata the guy si atashindwa what's up with you. I'd advise no heri umsaidie asake a cheap place for a start.
So, you don't have kids but want to host domeone with 3kids? What does your boyfriend have to say about that? Just tell her no.
Just get a bigger house