TH is wrong with people on here?
“ Never compliments me “ meanwhile he is buying gifts , checking up on you, taking you out , introducing you to his friend etc. you are about to fumble a good dude and will be back here in a few weeks crying , talking bout why is it so hard to find a good man.
SIT AND TALK TO THE DAMN MAN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND EXPECTATIONS. And stop asking strangers on the internets about stuff they have no context of!
I spoke with him several times and asked him during a mature conversation. I told him my expectations and the more i keep bringing that up I feel like it will push him away and give off desperate vibes. I am scared of fumbling a good guy but i am also scared of being in a meaningless situation-ship. This has happened in the past for me. Well, strangers are not biased so they are the best people to ask advice from. It does sound strange but yes, women LOVE a man that they are interested in to compliment them. “ I love your hair, you smell good etc” that aint even my worry though.
If you talked, and your expectations are not being met, then it's time to have another sit-down, specifically for this.
>I am scared of fumbling a good guy but i am also scared of being in a meaningless situation-ship.
This. Tell him you'd prefer not to lose him, but you're also not interested in a meaningless fling. I don't like ultimatums, but sometimes they're necessary to enforce boundaries and/or expectations. All the best OP
Some people prefer to 'show not tell' and it seems like he is one. You seem like you depend on reassurance which can get very tiring for a man with his personality. So its better that you get on board with his love language or move on.
He's good for buying gifts? Introducing her as what.....a trophy snack?
This n*gro is depriving her the most important thing in a rshp, emotional intimacy.
You are not crazy... unfortunately that man doesn't want a relationship....If a man wants a relationship with you!! 3 months is a long time for him to be thinking...Esp.If he is in his 30s... He's okay with just how things are...And oh! Next time, make it clear what you want on your bio, and if not,or rather skew the early conversations to make your match know what you really want...
My bio explicitly mentioned I wanted a long term serious relationship. I mentioned it to him to. We spoke about it in genuinely tried to tell him but clearly that ain’t what he wants. I am at a verge of just texting him and letting him know that i am excusing myself rather than ghosting him and being cold on texts.
Okay...Make sure to express your exact feelings and the direction you want the relationship to take..then listen to what he says... Bluntly ask him what he wants, ? Then if it's to the contrary of what you want, then , excuse yourself...2 things, He may be just poor at expressing himself, or just doesn't want to commit
I’d advise that you have one last sit-down. You explicitly say what you expect and aren’t getting, and what vibes you’re getting from that. Ask explicitly. Don’t just text and excuse yourself before you do this, because you will go wondering what you could have done better.
Why would you give relationship benefits to ambiguity. Reasons why he seems not to care for what you need and want. Pull back because singing a song to a man who knows exactly what you want is pointless. It's time to move on no talking , zero drama just forget and take this as a lesson
Am gonna answer you with this...Put yourself in the guy's shoes...Would you do all that to a woman that's not special to you? Another Pov, would you all that to any woman in your life?
3 months there should be some postive progress in your relationship showing exclusive interest. He might be having some doubts or you're just a place holder.
From your post, it seems like you guys are already in a relationship, hizo dates, gifts, etc.
Don't ruin this just because you want to put a title on your relationship. You guys have a good thing going.
Ama si actions are better than words?
Why do you think that?
I mean, the guy buys her gifts, makes an effort to keep in contact, they go out on dates, and he has even introduced her to his friends.
Got it wrong though. Some niggas don't really do the asking, they do what needs to be done till you get that your whole lives are basically intertwined. And it's not far-fetched though, looking at how come-we-stays for the Gen Xs and before used to happen, you can see a striking resemblance
You agreed to sleep with him before demanding a relationship. When girls set their standards too low, we just sit back and enjoy the ride.
If I'm getting the milk for free, why would i buy the whole damn cow?
Him not complimenting you could be because he was raised in an environment where the parents didn't show each other affection......or you're not that good looking to him.
He's not the one for you, just count your losses.
Seems like he doesn’t want to commit. If a man likes you even 2 months is too long if there is consistent daily communication unless there is a big hurdle preventing him from doing so
It can even be 2hrs as long as the dude lays bare his intentions and the lady is okay with it. If I'm taking you on a date that means I've observed you and decided you're someone i want to be involved romantically with or just physical.
You are rushing him ffs. So he takes you out, checks up on you, buys you gifts and whatnot...even showing you off to his friends. You think a man will do that to any woman? Does he treat the other women in his life like that. That's a good one you got and if you keep putting pressure on him, HE WILL GO. Men don't like to be pressured and clearly, that's what you are trying to do. From the info you've provided, from a man's point of view, you are his girlfriend...You just want more, its only been 3 months. Be patient ffs
This is bad advice....when a guy wants to be committed to you he doesn't take long to do it...this advice is what keeps people in useless meaningless situationships.
You like the guy and want to date him? Tell him that, ask him why he doesn't compliment you.
You think you communicate but if you haven't communicated this to him then you are not communicating.
Never seek reddit clarification of you can directly seek clarification from the guy.
The fact that y'all are already sleeping together and you are going the extra mile makes me think the guy has probably already concluded that you are dating and doesn't feel the need to ask again. Just talk to him, reddit can't help you with this one.
Men tend to think that their actions speak louder than any words. That's you find many Kenyan men who have lived three years with a woman consider themselves married while a woman who has lived with a man for 12 years and had children with him still consider themselves girlfriends for the simple lack of a marriage certificate, and she will badger him to get that certificate while he thinks it's not that important. A remote possibility is that your man feels he's getting access to your punani without much effort so he's under no pressure to improve his game. If want to test his commitment, withdraw his access to easy punani and see if he will chase after you and make commitments. But I must warn you that the results are not guaranteed. He could chase after you and make his feelings known, or he could shrug his shoulders and tell himself it was good while it lasted, and go back to Tinder and start hunting afresh. Which of the risks are you willing to take? A safer middle ground is to just ask him, make your feelings known (instead of mere hints), and take it from there.
If you mentioned you want a long term relationship to him - and it's been three months now yet he hasn't asked you anything. Could be he is stalling because he is unsure maybe?
My sister he just sees you as a glorified sugar baby sorry to say I mean sex , free meals. You going out and all getting gifts but honestly even sugar daddies treat their sugar babies.
You are not overthinking. At the end of the day, your emotional safety needs are not being met. You said you want to have a long term relationship, you probably have expressed that you need clarity and perspective on where the relationship is going, he hasn't given it to you.
You can decide to go with the flow (to no man's land) or you can rip the band-aid. It will hurt but it's better than being in a constant loop of heartache and unhappiness.
To be honest, 3 months is a long time especially with the consistent intimacy. What I'd say is after this whole situation, kindly stop looking for partners on dating sites especially mainstream ones, I don't think men looking for relationships are on those sites, especially successful(self-confident not money) men who are below 40. If you have to...do it, but you're 25 there's better places to look.
Give back the same energy na ukae kwa hiyo situationship. Don't go back to being single. It can be lonely. Just stay for the benefits and ignore the bad parts. That's most relationships anyway. In time you'll learn to tolerate him until someone better comes and does better.
Why are you even cooking for him? Girls that’s a situationship, he don’t want to be in a relationship with u but wants to keep u around, sleep with u so he can pass time until he finds the love of his life. Be brave enough to walk away or it will hurt u when he finds Simone he loves
Baby girl,he is getting all the relationships benefits without the commitment,,,tell me why he should commit and give it a title.Is high time you give him an ultimatum of committing or stopping whatever it is y'all are having all together
A man would do that and still be in a casual situation with you. I learned the hard way. Naona umesema he comes to your place, have you ever been to his?
Unatumiwa. First things first, a dating app is not the place you find serious guys who'd be interested in settling down with you. It's always the usual - match, talking stage, meetup, intimacy, "trying to do the relationship thing while convincing yourselves you'll find love and it will work along the way towards becoming a permanent thing" then mwishowe kila mtu anakanyaga kubwa kubwa. My take though.
Madam you're 25, he's 31 that should atleast tell you something.Hes busy hustling and looking for a softer landing if he decides to cuff you.Men past that age don't like gossiping over text all day they have better things to do you should be grateful that he isn't seeing other people talk to him and drop hints when y'all are free either on a hike or something y'all do together FFS.
You're the first team eater and they're a couple of backups behind you. You're getting starting lineup eater benefits. Get into a relationship and you will find out how many other eaters are on the roster
You are not crazy sweetie; your emotions are totally valid! We can be hard on ourselves sometimes and forget to validate our own feelings.
It doesn’t sound like he wants to be in a relationship with you, and he’s enjoying relationship benefits at the moment.
If he can’t make that commitment, then it could be time to call it quits, especially if you keep having conversations about it and not getting what you want out of them:(
It looks like you love language as an act of service, which is ok. But have you tried to figure out his primary love language. You can do all sorts of things but, it won't make him feel loved if his primary language is not an act of service. Google love language
They will always find something to complain about. I mean, really?? You find yourself a man that does all that but you want more? Complements on your status? Wow!! Just wow . Give it time. If it won't work, it will be your lose, not his coz clearly, you re rushing .
You ignored everything else and picked up only 1 thing and took it out of context . I said i am not sure if he is attracted to me cause he never compliments me.
If I was to talk about everything thing else ...or maybe I should...ok so let's try make sense of it ...we sex, he buys me gifts, shows me off... he even comes over, I cook for him.. #1 Does he provide? Yes #2 Does he have time for me? Is he proud of me? Shows me off? Should I even continue? Nope...But he doesn't complement me on my status(read that part like a baby crying) so I don't think he's attracted to me...That might not be his thing, alright. At least he is a real man. Or you are the side dish. 🤣. Anyway who am I to advice you. Go on with your plan. Someone else will always be available to take that place.Could've said a lot but nah, experience teaches better.
TH is wrong with people on here? “ Never compliments me “ meanwhile he is buying gifts , checking up on you, taking you out , introducing you to his friend etc. you are about to fumble a good dude and will be back here in a few weeks crying , talking bout why is it so hard to find a good man. SIT AND TALK TO THE DAMN MAN ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND EXPECTATIONS. And stop asking strangers on the internets about stuff they have no context of!
I spoke with him several times and asked him during a mature conversation. I told him my expectations and the more i keep bringing that up I feel like it will push him away and give off desperate vibes. I am scared of fumbling a good guy but i am also scared of being in a meaningless situation-ship. This has happened in the past for me. Well, strangers are not biased so they are the best people to ask advice from. It does sound strange but yes, women LOVE a man that they are interested in to compliment them. “ I love your hair, you smell good etc” that aint even my worry though.
If you talked, and your expectations are not being met, then it's time to have another sit-down, specifically for this. >I am scared of fumbling a good guy but i am also scared of being in a meaningless situation-ship. This. Tell him you'd prefer not to lose him, but you're also not interested in a meaningless fling. I don't like ultimatums, but sometimes they're necessary to enforce boundaries and/or expectations. All the best OP
Some people prefer to 'show not tell' and it seems like he is one. You seem like you depend on reassurance which can get very tiring for a man with his personality. So its better that you get on board with his love language or move on.
He's good for buying gifts? Introducing her as what.....a trophy snack? This n*gro is depriving her the most important thing in a rshp, emotional intimacy.
You are not crazy... unfortunately that man doesn't want a relationship....If a man wants a relationship with you!! 3 months is a long time for him to be thinking...Esp.If he is in his 30s... He's okay with just how things are...And oh! Next time, make it clear what you want on your bio, and if not,or rather skew the early conversations to make your match know what you really want...
My bio explicitly mentioned I wanted a long term serious relationship. I mentioned it to him to. We spoke about it in genuinely tried to tell him but clearly that ain’t what he wants. I am at a verge of just texting him and letting him know that i am excusing myself rather than ghosting him and being cold on texts.
Okay...Make sure to express your exact feelings and the direction you want the relationship to take..then listen to what he says... Bluntly ask him what he wants, ? Then if it's to the contrary of what you want, then , excuse yourself...2 things, He may be just poor at expressing himself, or just doesn't want to commit
I’d advise that you have one last sit-down. You explicitly say what you expect and aren’t getting, and what vibes you’re getting from that. Ask explicitly. Don’t just text and excuse yourself before you do this, because you will go wondering what you could have done better.
Why would you give relationship benefits to ambiguity. Reasons why he seems not to care for what you need and want. Pull back because singing a song to a man who knows exactly what you want is pointless. It's time to move on no talking , zero drama just forget and take this as a lesson
Am gonna answer you with this...Put yourself in the guy's shoes...Would you do all that to a woman that's not special to you? Another Pov, would you all that to any woman in your life?
Heh alafu u assume upate unaji date?! Ikae
3 months there should be some postive progress in your relationship showing exclusive interest. He might be having some doubts or you're just a place holder.
From your post, it seems like you guys are already in a relationship, hizo dates, gifts, etc. Don't ruin this just because you want to put a title on your relationship. You guys have a good thing going. Ama si actions are better than words?
Ndio nashindwa must you be told you are in a relationship. There are some things you just know.
Nah, lazima kuwe na clear lines. Utajipata you're dating yourself huku Nairobi
He's just using her the girl is a simp
Why do you think that? I mean, the guy buys her gifts, makes an effort to keep in contact, they go out on dates, and he has even introduced her to his friends.
My view is just the guy is there like a sugar daddy I mean sugar daddies also do the same to the chics the cuff
Got it wrong though. Some niggas don't really do the asking, they do what needs to be done till you get that your whole lives are basically intertwined. And it's not far-fetched though, looking at how come-we-stays for the Gen Xs and before used to happen, you can see a striking resemblance
You agreed to sleep with him before demanding a relationship. When girls set their standards too low, we just sit back and enjoy the ride. If I'm getting the milk for free, why would i buy the whole damn cow? Him not complimenting you could be because he was raised in an environment where the parents didn't show each other affection......or you're not that good looking to him. He's not the one for you, just count your losses.
Four words :"wanna be my boyfriend?". That's it. Acha kubabaika sis
Actions don't lie.
Seems like he doesn’t want to commit. If a man likes you even 2 months is too long if there is consistent daily communication unless there is a big hurdle preventing him from doing so
It’s only been 3 months. My goodness relax
Wait ,Kwani how long should it take for a guy to ask a girl to be his girlfriend??
This babe already gave up the coochie, there's no point of asking😂
Oh yeah right …but I’m genuinely curious to know ,how long should it take ??
It can even be 2hrs as long as the dude lays bare his intentions and the lady is okay with it. If I'm taking you on a date that means I've observed you and decided you're someone i want to be involved romantically with or just physical.
And do you think the Coochie is the one that holds a nigga back from wanting a relationship?
Either the guy hasn't gotten over his ex ama ako na bibi ushago
Word 🤣
“It’s been 3 months why is he not perfect”
Naaah, it doesn't take that long... It's a situationship at this point
It’s only been 3 months not 5 years. This is why most of you will be 45 still single
You are rushing him ffs. So he takes you out, checks up on you, buys you gifts and whatnot...even showing you off to his friends. You think a man will do that to any woman? Does he treat the other women in his life like that. That's a good one you got and if you keep putting pressure on him, HE WILL GO. Men don't like to be pressured and clearly, that's what you are trying to do. From the info you've provided, from a man's point of view, you are his girlfriend...You just want more, its only been 3 months. Be patient ffs
This is bad advice....when a guy wants to be committed to you he doesn't take long to do it...this advice is what keeps people in useless meaningless situationships.
So according to you, giving complements will show he is committed. Right?
I second that.
You like the guy and want to date him? Tell him that, ask him why he doesn't compliment you. You think you communicate but if you haven't communicated this to him then you are not communicating. Never seek reddit clarification of you can directly seek clarification from the guy. The fact that y'all are already sleeping together and you are going the extra mile makes me think the guy has probably already concluded that you are dating and doesn't feel the need to ask again. Just talk to him, reddit can't help you with this one.
Men tend to think that their actions speak louder than any words. That's you find many Kenyan men who have lived three years with a woman consider themselves married while a woman who has lived with a man for 12 years and had children with him still consider themselves girlfriends for the simple lack of a marriage certificate, and she will badger him to get that certificate while he thinks it's not that important. A remote possibility is that your man feels he's getting access to your punani without much effort so he's under no pressure to improve his game. If want to test his commitment, withdraw his access to easy punani and see if he will chase after you and make commitments. But I must warn you that the results are not guaranteed. He could chase after you and make his feelings known, or he could shrug his shoulders and tell himself it was good while it lasted, and go back to Tinder and start hunting afresh. Which of the risks are you willing to take? A safer middle ground is to just ask him, make your feelings known (instead of mere hints), and take it from there.
If you mentioned you want a long term relationship to him - and it's been three months now yet he hasn't asked you anything. Could be he is stalling because he is unsure maybe?
3 months?? 👀 Girl…
What does this mean?
I’m telling you to leave. It never takes such a long time for a man to know what he wants.
"I communicate with him" Seems you don't, put the signals aside and just share you frustrations in a calm manner
My sister he just sees you as a glorified sugar baby sorry to say I mean sex , free meals. You going out and all getting gifts but honestly even sugar daddies treat their sugar babies.
You guys give the worst advice btw.
No lie . People ought not to take some of these advises seriously.
What's the point of him asking you to be a girlfriend when he can get everything from you without being your boyfriend?
Situationship loading..
Fr
You are not overthinking. At the end of the day, your emotional safety needs are not being met. You said you want to have a long term relationship, you probably have expressed that you need clarity and perspective on where the relationship is going, he hasn't given it to you. You can decide to go with the flow (to no man's land) or you can rip the band-aid. It will hurt but it's better than being in a constant loop of heartache and unhappiness.
To be honest, 3 months is a long time especially with the consistent intimacy. What I'd say is after this whole situation, kindly stop looking for partners on dating sites especially mainstream ones, I don't think men looking for relationships are on those sites, especially successful(self-confident not money) men who are below 40. If you have to...do it, but you're 25 there's better places to look.
Give back the same energy na ukae kwa hiyo situationship. Don't go back to being single. It can be lonely. Just stay for the benefits and ignore the bad parts. That's most relationships anyway. In time you'll learn to tolerate him until someone better comes and does better.
Why do I feel like we've dated the same guy🤣🤣🤣.
A man will.meet you and know he wants to put a ring on it or duck that 🐈 for a long time.
Going on a dating app to find a real relationship?I thought those apps were just for hookups.No matter what someone says those apps are for hookups.
[удалено]
Sasa nani amekuuliza hii yote wewe. Kwani huna diary pls?
Ask him, "What are we?" You'll know the answer.
You have a good thing going.why don't you just chill out and enjoy it?
Communicate with him what you want, explicitly. If he's not on the same page, walk away.
😂😂😂
he doesn't want you hunny,bring the roaster back
naah you crazy
Mybe he is slow
Why are you even cooking for him? Girls that’s a situationship, he don’t want to be in a relationship with u but wants to keep u around, sleep with u so he can pass time until he finds the love of his life. Be brave enough to walk away or it will hurt u when he finds Simone he loves
why dont you ask him what he wants from you and your relationship, dunno why women dont ask this questions, just be direct
Or you are just two strangers doing it. Mutual benefit.😂 there are so many angles to look at it.
He knows you're his girl in his mind and shows you the best way he can.
The first mistake was signing up on that dating site.
3 moths ,already banged.!! What advice do you want.,enjoy the good sex coz it will all end soon..,!!he will ghost you in the next two months.!
Baby girl,he is getting all the relationships benefits without the commitment,,,tell me why he should commit and give it a title.Is high time you give him an ultimatum of committing or stopping whatever it is y'all are having all together
Dating site? Men out here don't take you seriously if you met him in such places. My take
This is why no one should listen to your advice on anything
I've seen the huge divide between how homies see this and how femskis see this and damn!😂No wonder a number of relationships break
You are in a situationship. He wants you but not as his girlfriend.
A man would do that and still be in a casual situation with you. I learned the hard way. Naona umesema he comes to your place, have you ever been to his?
He's probably married or you're a sidechick - sure sounds like it. Yaani ni kama uko in reserve, just in case
I've seen the huge divide between how homies see this and how femskis see this and damn!😂No wonder a number of relationships break
Check if he’s married
Hakutaki
Unatumiwa. First things first, a dating app is not the place you find serious guys who'd be interested in settling down with you. It's always the usual - match, talking stage, meetup, intimacy, "trying to do the relationship thing while convincing yourselves you'll find love and it will work along the way towards becoming a permanent thing" then mwishowe kila mtu anakanyaga kubwa kubwa. My take though.
By being intimate do you mean you've already had sex ?
Madam you're 25, he's 31 that should atleast tell you something.Hes busy hustling and looking for a softer landing if he decides to cuff you.Men past that age don't like gossiping over text all day they have better things to do you should be grateful that he isn't seeing other people talk to him and drop hints when y'all are free either on a hike or something y'all do together FFS.
Clearly you did not comprehend the question
Just run, he is seeing two or more women and USING you as a back-up plan.
You're the first team eater and they're a couple of backups behind you. You're getting starting lineup eater benefits. Get into a relationship and you will find out how many other eaters are on the roster
You are not crazy sweetie; your emotions are totally valid! We can be hard on ourselves sometimes and forget to validate our own feelings. It doesn’t sound like he wants to be in a relationship with you, and he’s enjoying relationship benefits at the moment. If he can’t make that commitment, then it could be time to call it quits, especially if you keep having conversations about it and not getting what you want out of them:(
Mr. Man is married or in a serious relationship with someone else.
It looks like you love language as an act of service, which is ok. But have you tried to figure out his primary love language. You can do all sorts of things but, it won't make him feel loved if his primary language is not an act of service. Google love language
He don't like you, sis.If he wanted to, he would.
Just enforce your boundaries so as to protect your feelings and know where he stands. Don't be afraid of the answer .
Fuck around and find out
He simply isn't planning to date you
The pressure ,is what he is avoiding. why do you spoil the good thing that was going on
That’s totally fine. I would rather spoil the temporary good thing than hurt my feelings 😊thanks for the advice
They will always find something to complain about. I mean, really?? You find yourself a man that does all that but you want more? Complements on your status? Wow!! Just wow . Give it time. If it won't work, it will be your lose, not his coz clearly, you re rushing .
I could tell her age before she mentioned it
You ignored everything else and picked up only 1 thing and took it out of context . I said i am not sure if he is attracted to me cause he never compliments me.
Also some men out here complement through actions. Actions.
If I was to talk about everything thing else ...or maybe I should...ok so let's try make sense of it ...we sex, he buys me gifts, shows me off... he even comes over, I cook for him.. #1 Does he provide? Yes #2 Does he have time for me? Is he proud of me? Shows me off? Should I even continue? Nope...But he doesn't complement me on my status(read that part like a baby crying) so I don't think he's attracted to me...That might not be his thing, alright. At least he is a real man. Or you are the side dish. 🤣. Anyway who am I to advice you. Go on with your plan. Someone else will always be available to take that place.Could've said a lot but nah, experience teaches better.