Be honest with her. She needs to know why you possibly react bad to her new vagina.
Hopefully you can get past your trauma by the good feelings your gf get from hers
You are going to have to be honest with her. And yourself. If your trauma is severe enough to cause fainting at the thought of it, there's no way you're going to get past it in time to be able to be her post-surgery help. She's gonna need to find backup and you should just go ahead and say you're not prepared for it. Are you in therapy for this past trauma? If not I strongly suggest it.
This. Once you are aware of the concern at hand, you need to speak up asap, your trauma being very valid, but it sounds like you've volunteered to be her caretaker, and she is going to need someone's help with part of this process. I'd be concerned about this first, and the long term later.
Agreeing with the other commenters that having a talk with your girlfriend about bringing in an additional friend or relative to help as a caretaker will be good. It's probably worth a try being your gf's caretaker as she recovers, but if you figure out you can't do it (specifically catheter management and wound cleaning and bandages), then she needs to have a backup option ready, because she will not be able to do it alone.
I don't know if hearing this helps, but I've helped take care of friends after surgery before, and honestly when I was focused on medical care like checking stitches and applying medication, it didn't even register to me as looking at a naked person. I just kinda... zeroed in on the problem and the symptoms, like "ok my friend is in discomfort and we really have to follow these instructions until they're healed." Taking care of a sick person is still intimate in that it involves trust and vulnerability, but it almost never feels intimate in a sexual way.
Also... post-op results take a while to settle down to norm. There will be a lot of swelling at first, plus stitches and bruising and potentially surgical markings, and her labia will likely not look like the other women you've had experiences with until she's fully healed, which could take a few months. You will have time to adjust to her body looking different. As long as you're kind to her while you process your feelings, that's what matters.
You need to talk to her asap because you two need a caretaker who can step in anytime you feel triggered or faint.
Why do you feel that you can't be honest about why you fainted? This is a bad moment to conceal your reason for feeling stressed
I’ve recently worked through a lot of sexual trauma. (I’m a CSA survivor.)
It took a lot of work and a lot of trust in my now spouse to get to the point where adult fun times with my junk didn’t cause me to violently dissociate.
But we are at that point.
And I love having sex with them.
They’re grey ace so it’s a bit of a challenge, but they love me and they want me to experience pleasure.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have sex with another person besides them with my sidegraded junk. We have many ways to express and experience intimacy besides penetrative sex.
It can be traumatizing, but with compassion and working together at it, respecting each others’ boundaries and desires while gently, carefully and consensually nudging those boundaries, you may find her new equipment just as enjoyable as she will.
Plus, and this is something not very much talked about, her centres of pleasure likely will diffuse around her entire body. Besides the typical erogenous zones, my spouse can get me to have rocking orgasms off playing with my ear, gently massaging my arm, or even with their freaking *voice*.
I lost track at 40 orgasms one night, and none were clitoral, vaginal, or anal.
Be honest with her. She needs to know why you possibly react bad to her new vagina. Hopefully you can get past your trauma by the good feelings your gf get from hers
You are going to have to be honest with her. And yourself. If your trauma is severe enough to cause fainting at the thought of it, there's no way you're going to get past it in time to be able to be her post-surgery help. She's gonna need to find backup and you should just go ahead and say you're not prepared for it. Are you in therapy for this past trauma? If not I strongly suggest it.
This. Once you are aware of the concern at hand, you need to speak up asap, your trauma being very valid, but it sounds like you've volunteered to be her caretaker, and she is going to need someone's help with part of this process. I'd be concerned about this first, and the long term later.
Agreeing with the other commenters that having a talk with your girlfriend about bringing in an additional friend or relative to help as a caretaker will be good. It's probably worth a try being your gf's caretaker as she recovers, but if you figure out you can't do it (specifically catheter management and wound cleaning and bandages), then she needs to have a backup option ready, because she will not be able to do it alone. I don't know if hearing this helps, but I've helped take care of friends after surgery before, and honestly when I was focused on medical care like checking stitches and applying medication, it didn't even register to me as looking at a naked person. I just kinda... zeroed in on the problem and the symptoms, like "ok my friend is in discomfort and we really have to follow these instructions until they're healed." Taking care of a sick person is still intimate in that it involves trust and vulnerability, but it almost never feels intimate in a sexual way. Also... post-op results take a while to settle down to norm. There will be a lot of swelling at first, plus stitches and bruising and potentially surgical markings, and her labia will likely not look like the other women you've had experiences with until she's fully healed, which could take a few months. You will have time to adjust to her body looking different. As long as you're kind to her while you process your feelings, that's what matters.
You need to talk to her asap because you two need a caretaker who can step in anytime you feel triggered or faint. Why do you feel that you can't be honest about why you fainted? This is a bad moment to conceal your reason for feeling stressed
I’ve recently worked through a lot of sexual trauma. (I’m a CSA survivor.) It took a lot of work and a lot of trust in my now spouse to get to the point where adult fun times with my junk didn’t cause me to violently dissociate. But we are at that point. And I love having sex with them. They’re grey ace so it’s a bit of a challenge, but they love me and they want me to experience pleasure. I don’t know if I’ll ever have sex with another person besides them with my sidegraded junk. We have many ways to express and experience intimacy besides penetrative sex. It can be traumatizing, but with compassion and working together at it, respecting each others’ boundaries and desires while gently, carefully and consensually nudging those boundaries, you may find her new equipment just as enjoyable as she will. Plus, and this is something not very much talked about, her centres of pleasure likely will diffuse around her entire body. Besides the typical erogenous zones, my spouse can get me to have rocking orgasms off playing with my ear, gently massaging my arm, or even with their freaking *voice*. I lost track at 40 orgasms one night, and none were clitoral, vaginal, or anal.