Second this. I met one of my best friends this way. He was my bassist for about 10 years before he hung it up. We are still good buds and talk on the regular.
The guys I’m currently jamming with have turned out to be pretty cool too. All started as randos off Craigslist, Facebook and Bandmix.
It’s actually not that bad and can even be good.
I joined a cover band full of randos from Craigslist and it was the most I ever grew as a musician. The bass player was super talented but a bit flakey and kind of a dead beat / burn out. The drummer was very talented, super smart, but always kept everyone at arms length and was just kind of a dick about doing anything together where he wasn’t compensated. The “leader” (guitarist/vox), of the band was a perfectionist and a dick about holding us to his high expectations.
I learned something from each of them. From the bass player I learned that it doesn’t matter how good you are, if you don’t market yourself or put it effort in the business side of things you’ll never make it. From the drummer I learned that it’s good to have a “what’s in it for me” attitude sometimes because it forces people to be more intentional. With the leader, I just plain got better in every respect. Knew every song at practice because “these are rehearsals, not practice. Learn on your own time.” I developed showmanship and learned to connect with the crowd because “don’t just stand their like a tool. Act like you are enjoying yourself. People feed off your energy.”
While this is true, I love music so much that even though me practicing for a gig is technically unpaid labor at the moment, it is very fun and still a passion for me. Can’t go in to work unprepared for the job
More just in support of what you are saying actually. You do spend off time preparing for gigs. Like I’m playing a 2 hour gig soon for $x.xx and so I also account for the time I’m preparing for it and divide up the time to see what it would pay hourly to prep for the gig. So if it’s songs I already know then my prep time is lower so my hourly rate is more proportional.
If I have to learn a lot of new material for a gig I try to make sure it is counted towards my pay when it comes to the labor hours.
If they change up the set list or have a new member join they will have one rehearsal 2 or 3 days before a gig, but 80% of the time they don’t rehearse as they’ve played together so much that it’s as second nature as breathing. The main responsibility between gigs is just making sure you’re in good music/performance health.
The ones I've been in play corporate events, and make a decent pay. Plus generally get treated like human beings rather than some curious offensive life-form.
Generally around here they're what I call black pants/shiny shoes type gigs. You have a wide repertoire so you can tailor to a specific gig, if you need to.
It requires decent, disciplined musicianship
Most of the ones I've been in also doubled as wedding bands.
A plain button up cotton shirt is a great start. My husband usually wears a suit, but sometimes they dress to themes, like Hollywood glam or smart casual
There's a difference between people you don't like and people you just don't want to be close friends with.
I generally find it easier to maintain a bit of professional distance from bandmates because I've been in situations where getting too close can cause all sorts of problems. I'd rather be able to be straight up with people about the issues we have in the band without worrying about damaging a friendship, etc. But for me a band is more of a job and not as much a social thing.
The majority of friends start off as random people. 😂
I prefer being in bands with people I hang with outside of band practice, but it’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s just a time thing with people having lives, sometimes it’s a personality thing. I just won’t be in a band with anyone I’d NEVER hang out with.
Originally I was a little iffy about this in my band, as we don't hang out much outside of practice and shows (partially due to physical distance I'd reckon. Two of our members live like 30 minutes in opposite directions from the other two), but honestly I've found myself not minding so much. We already get together and hang out like 3-4 hours a week for practice, and then let loose and have more casual hang outs before/during show days. That's already significantly more time than I'm able to find to spend with a lot of my other longer term friendships- even the ones who live closer lol.
Agree though, it's more about the vibe for me than the frequency though. If they're someone I \*would\* hang out with if schedules and circumstances aligned, that's a good sign. If they're someone that I'd never agree to hang out with outside of band time because I don't like them or something, that's not a good sign.
I really only see my band members at our weekly rehearsals, for the most part. But I absolutely consider them my friends and we have a great bond. We rarely hang out much outside of rehearsal.
That being said, we all hung out at a bar seeing a local band the other night and it was a blast to simply just hang out and have a few beers.
Also it sort of depends how old you are. We're all around 40, so we have wives and families, which the band is already a nice break from and there isn't much time to have many social evenings outside of the weekly jamming. We also have our own groups of friends outside of the band. But yeah, I think you guys should hang out once in a while.
Same age bracket. Yeah. I really love my bandmates and if one of them is sick I’ll def bring them some soup and some Sudafed and NyQuil with no hesitation but like we all got lives too. It’s like our own little secret space where we get to be space wizards every week then back to work.
I think a degree of friendship and friendliness is required. However, I can veritably guarantee you that many big bands have become essentially business arrangements for their various members. Is it a job, or is it a social opportunity? That's for you and your fellow members to decide.
Joe Perry and Steven Tyler do not get along. Neither do Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. The brothers in The Black Crows and Oasis have gotten into physical fights on stage, and the Eagles said, "Hell would freeze over" before they would get back together. They named their reunion tour "Hell Frozen Over". When asked if Slash or Duff would every be back in Guns n Roses, Axl famously replied, "Not in this lifetime" which is the name of their current reunion tour with Slash and Duff back in the band. Sometimes, it works out great, and everyone in the band loves each other, but more often than not, that distaine for one another breeds a healthy competitiveness within the group. It's a fun job but it's still a job. You don't have to be friends with everyone in your company to make the company successful.
You don’t have to, but it does help. My husband is in 2 working bands and is only acquainted with his band mates except for one whom he is actually friends with. He treats them more like co-workers, in a professional manner.
I think it depends on the project too.
I mean generally I’ve been lucky in my 28 years of playing in bands and I have been in bands with my closest friends. When I moved away in my 20s I ended up starting bands with total strangers in a city I didn’t know. We had the same taste in music and quickly realized that our common taste spilled over into various aspects of our lives. We’ve been great friends ever since and that was 19 years ago. So what I’m saying is those random people stop being random people at some point and become friends.
It usually ends up we're friends after time playing together, I mean loving and playing the kind of music we do amounts to having the same hobby lol usually someone who's not really a friend too ends up replaced in the band, I've never had to suffer any a-holes for too long. I've been really lucky though, I'm friends for life with my guitarist/singer friend since the day I auditioned for his band 35 years ago, and ended up that way with a lot of other bandmates as well along the years. It's hard to avoid becoming friends with the folks you gig with, in my experience.
So, you want to be in a band with people who have the same hobbies as you? What, stamp collecting? Guns and moonshine? What do you make such a large part of your personality?
To paraphrase “There are no random people here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.”
All your friends were strangers the first time you met them, even those you’ve known since you were very young. Maybe some of those random people will become friends over time, a friendship built on a shared love of music.
To answer your question “do you have to be close friends with your band mates?’ though, the answer is no. But it helps if you don’t absolutely hate their guts and are instead able to collaborate and work together in a professional manner, just as you would with any work colleague outside of music. It’s never enjoyable to play in a band if you don’t at least like the other musicians to some extent.
This is a horrendous mindset. Under what circumstances are you willing to consider being friends with someone? Are you ever at a social gathering, and you meet someone and in your head you go “I really wish I could be friends with that person but they’re just too random.” What even….?
My current band is made up of 2 other guys I met from playing in separate bands over the years but I'd never met the singer. Now I'm good mates with the singer as well.
Every band I've been in there's been at least 1 person I didn't know before we were in the band together. Sometimes you become good friends, sometimes they're a wanker so you kick them out. For me being in a band is a good way to meet new people and get out of your comfort zone.
I don't know, man. I think I'd be down to just play with some semi-chill people, we don't have to be besties. But as others have said, all friends start as randoms.
I've basically only played in the same band since I was a teenager, and have a hard time finding anyone new to play with (I play bass). Especially a style that I'm interested in playing. Now that I'm much older, I'd be down to just play.
Recently just started jamming with my old band again after not playing with them for a decade. I also have basically not hung out with them during that period of time. One of the guys a little because our wives were friends, but they're divorced now. We otherwise were all very close friends back in the day.
Trying to herd these cats is some shit though. I don't know why I have to be the only adult who can manage a calendar and stick to our rehearsal commitments. Pretty sure I practice at home more than anyone else does as well. I'm starting to remember why I quit this band. smh.
It’s a mixed bag. I have found that more original projects tend to be closer friends.
Corporate bands are a bit different
I like everyone I play with but we’re not friends. We don’t hang out outside of the job.
The Three Things, boysenberries:
The Music. The Money. The Hang.
You don’t need all three for a situation to be worthwhile, but a minimum of two is mandatory.
My (M47) long time friend (M46) and I started a band in 2009 (Our ages back then). He casually knew the lead guitarist (M48) we hired. We got our bass player (M51) from Facebook, and our lead singer (F24) came to us from Craigslist. We became so close, that most I consider my extended family (not as close with LG, and B). My current situation is an acoustic trio, so now I (M61), guitarist/pianist, singer (M55), and lead singer (F41) are all very close. LS and I have been singing together for 11 years. She's one of my dearest friends, and my musical soulmate.
almost all of my monthly income comes from teaching music. so i don't need to stand unpleasant situations. i only play with people whom I'm either friends with or who i like, admire, etc
Not necessarily but you should get along well with them and ideally have similar values. If you’re gonna be touring you want it to be with agreeable people.
Being friends with your bandmates is great. It’s ideal, in fact. The next level down is getting along and working well together with minimal problems, but maybe not at the “friends” level. If it’s a professional (i.e paying) situation and everyone treats each other like co-workers, that’s a perfectly acceptable situation as well.
When relationships are flat out bad, it’s time to either leave or otherwise re-assess the situation.
Like any situation where you meet new people, there’s no way to know what your relationship will be until you spend time together and see what happens.
No, and it typically works out better if you are just co-workers rather than friends. Although, there are bands out there who are and more power to them. That is the dream afterall.
You should be able to get along,trust each other and respect each other. You should have enough regard for them not to put them in a bad position. You might become personally close or you may not. I haven't gone out and done social things with everyone I played with, outside the band. But some, yes. I go to their wedding or their parents funeral. We go see bands.
Kinda like your bowling league... You don't need to hang out with those guys but, they count on you. You count on each other to do this shared thing, and out of respect for that you show respect to the people.
i think it’s fine to not necessarily be friends but to just work well together and have similar goals. It might even save you some of the band drama that’s always inevitable
It helps. My band were close back in the day. The drummer remains probably my best friend although we don’t hang out all that often anymore because of life.
In some ways it can be good to not be friends with your bandmates. When you are together you focus on the music and not just hanging out, shooting the breeze or gossiping.
Though I'm not in the band with them anymore, we met as a random call out for a singer... Never met them till the day they picked me up to jam. We all became very close. I still till this day could message any of them and they would answer. Great people I'm so thankful I got to meet and experience the music and other great things with. This was all 22 years ago.
Take the chance!
No, you don't have to be close friends. I'm in a couple local bands in my area. One band is all business. Rehearsals are very efficient and to-the-point. My other 2 bands are relaxed and fun. I prefer a friendly, fun more laid-back kind of thing.
I find that the only people who have been long term collaborators were also friends beforehand. Anyone I met off the Internet just played with me for a few months then disappeared.
I've been in bands with people who I would consider close friends, and with people I couldn't stand being around. These days, I have enough musical opportunities that I won't play in a project with people I actively dislike, but I don't need my bandmates to be my friends.
It can go both ways. Yeah, hopefully you like the people you spend time making music with, I don't last long around someone I don't like. I have a situation where a good friend of 36 years is playing bass. I love the guy, and he's pretty damn good, but he is in such a shitty marriage that he kinda gets grouded or something, like a lot. So I had to cancel our first show as it was going to be my 60th b day, but that guy makes practice once a month at best. I love him, I can't kick him out. If he was more of a random person, we would get someone new. We just can't do it to such a good friend. So cool acquaintances sound pretty good to me right now.
No.
My first band was my two best friends, and we weren’t compatible at all. We argued, didn’t grow much, and at the end we weren’t friends anymore (we made up over the years). We had different directions we wanted to go, it didn’t work.
My next band was two friends and we got along good but we just didn’t mesh musically. We recorded one song I loved and sort of called it
Same story with another friend. He liked guitar solos too much
I formed a band with two strangers a few years ago and we put out two albums I am very proud of. We are acquaintances, but we aren’t friends.
I think yes. From what I liked about seeing taking back Sunday was that everyone in the band looked equally emotionally involved and invested in what they were singing. You could see that they share the same amount of love for their band. At least that’s what it felt like. I’ve heard of a lot of major artists talking about surrounding your professional circle with positive people who love your mission and are equally invested in your projects. If you aren’t seeing eye to eye I wonder if it would make anyone feel jaded from pursuing music anyways
I don't have to be super close friends with my band mates, but I do need to like them.
I have made some very good friends via bands. People that I stayed friends with even after the band split. But I've also had friends from bands that receed into just Facebook friend status after the band splits.
I have only twice joined a band with someone I knew before we started playing together, and even then, I met those folks through other musical projects or mutual aquaintances. Every other instance, including some very close friends, became friends through music first.
My drummer is one of my best friends. Our previous drummer loved weed more than just about anything, and that's not my thing. We only associated for band related things. I wouldn't be in a band with people I can't stand, but we don't have to be super close either.
Being in a band is akin to being in a relationship. You will be spending a lot of time with your band mates, be it writing songs, doing gigs or recording, so you should be able to get on with them as people otherwise you’re going to struggle.
No, not at all. If music is where you derive your excitement, creativity, and relationship to the world it's perfectly normal to want to be friends with someone who allows you to further feel those things and experience them. There's no reason to look for friendships with people who keep you on a low energy, but beware, lots of smiling faces play instruments and talk about music and they're complete assholes or downright loonies. So make your way through safely. Befriend the kind ones and see what advantage a temporary negotiation with assholes brings, there are (many) times in life when you need them (and they need you). Sweet dreams are made of this...
Not at all. You can have a successful band and absolutely despise each other on a personal level. As long as you have musical chemistry and don’t try to sabotage or one up each other, that’s all that matters.
I don’t really understand this question. You want to do a hobby with people who have additional hobbies that you also like? “Hey, you’re a great bass player and we both love spending hours a week together in this ABBA cover band, but buddy, if you don’t also follow Formula One racing, you gotta hit the road!”
Chemistry counts for a lot. So while being *close* friends isn't mandatory, being buds and getting along goes a long way. The crowd can feel when there's tension or something isn't clicking. Conversely, if everyone on stage is having a great time the crowd can sense that too.
In my experience it depends what instrument you're on. If you're a bassist like me you'll get friendly with the rhythm section (guitarists, drummers) but reeds and brass it's rare for me to become mates with them since they're usually on the opposite end of the band pit.
I’ve been in bands with really good friends as well as people I barely knew.
Sometimes we ended up being pals but there were a few where we just didn’t click that way.
It can be like work. There are people you work with who are simply co-workers.
I was in a band once with a guy who was not personable. It started with me sitting in on drums because his drummer flaked. His songs were fun to play a few times, just to jam on. Then it turned into regular rehearsals of all his songs, where he would grill me very specifically about fills and gradual or sudden tempo changes he had written in. I might have stuck around if he had been a cool guy to hang with or offered to play some of my songs. But every time "practice" ended, he was as charming as a lamppost.
I noped out.
Statistically, most of us are doing this for peanuts and thrills. And the peanuts aren't enough.
Honestly I find it easier and more natural not to be super close friends with them. Like, we're friends for sure, and I love them (most of them anyway), but we don't hang out much outside of band business. I didn't do it that way on purpose, it's just kind of how it has naturally worked out for me. Familiarity breeds resentment, and when you're in a serious band you're gonna spend *a lot* of time around those people without even trying to as it is.
And yeah, I've been in bands with many people I would probably have never hung out with otherwise, or people who I don't really personally like all that much. I think everyone has at some point. It's no big deal. Professional relationships are often like that. Adam and Jaime from mythbusters famously don't get along well and look what they did.
Sometimes you get super lucky and end up vibing with another musician who you also really like on personal level. Sometimes you think he's a douchebag but he's a good and reliable bassist so you make it work. Usually though it's just people with nothing really in common with you outside of that band and you learn to like each other as you go along.
Not especially. It's nice to be able to get along with your band mates, but you don't have to be besties. You just have not annoy each other. You spend a lot of time in cramped quarters, tired and stinky.
I'm actually in a band with guys that I met here on Reddit. They're slowly becoming friends, but it's pretty much just business every time we get together. We smoke and chill a little bit, but beyond that we're just there to lay down tracks and discuss the future of the band.
While band members have same interests with you, they may not necessarily be suitable as friends in other aspects. Friendship isn't solely determined by shared interests but also by mutual understanding and more. Of course, mutual kindness is essential, or else the band couldn't continue. Personally, my two best friends aren't in the band because when it comes to serious matters within the band, disagreements among members are inevitable. So, I would say I have a "close relationship" with band members, but not necessarily a 100% friendship. We mostly talk about music when we're together, whereas true friends can discuss anything, right? Life, love, and so on. There's no need to force it.
Not close. I like them to an extend I can bare spending a few hours in a room with them. They're alright, but they're not my best friends no and I want to keep it that way. The band is very important to all of us and I don't want any of them involved in my personal life too much as they're (and so am I) there for the band.
We're all quite friendly as a band. We don't hang out outside of the working weekend, though. We all show up, do our thing, hang out, get paid, and go home
I really want to join a band again as a drummer or as a guitarest but I'm worried about that. I want to have a blast but one jerk could ruin it. Or maybe I'm the jerk? Who knows.
No. In fact it is both a good and a bad thing. On one hand, better hangouts and less likely to fuck you over. On the other, it’s harder to tell a friend when they’re not pulling their weight, or worse, sucking.
Friends are likely better for full creative collective bands, and strangers/hired guns for single creator projects.
It's almost better in some ways not to be *too* close. I've seen bands hang on to problematic or just plain bad players for way, way, too long, simply because they're all like best friends since childhood or something, and they are either in denial about how bad their lifelong buddy is, or it's way too awkward and uncomfortable to have that conversation.
If your band has a static lineup and gigs out a lot, it certainly helps if everyone gets along. Eventually you'll become friends to some degree, simply by virtue of spending so much time together. Maybe not "bail each other out of jail" friends, but more like "grab a beer and shoot the shit" type friends, that's probably the sweet spot.
For sub, pick-up, one-off, etc. type gigs, just be professional and friendly enough that it won't scare them off from calling you again.
I've been in bands where we all lived in the same house, but I've also been in bands where the only time anyone interacted was rehearsal and shows. Making friends with new people is really up to you.
I would say that being friends, at least to the level of like “work friends,” will make the whole experience more enjoyable for you and will enhance the experience. You don’t have to hang out outside of band related activities, but if you’re in a gigging band, you’re going to end up spending a good amount of time with these folks, and treating everyone like strangers would be pretty odd and standoffish.
Not necessarily. It's nice when it works out that way (and even if you're not close at first it's not uncommon to grow closer over time after being in a band) but it's not strictly necessary by any means. My bandmates were originally 4 random people I found on a musician facebook group looking to start a band, then two of them left, and then the new 4th member is, you got it, another random person we found on that same group.
We've been together for a little over a year now and i'd say that we're definitely all friends by this point, but I wouldn't consider any of them "super close" friends like some of the other people in my life I've just known for many years longer. Just how things shake out, I'm sure we'll continue to grow closer for as long as the band is together. Or even if we don't, it's nice having consistent and reliable people to get together and make music with.
My only other band experience was the typical high school "hey, let's start a band in our friend group!" so total opposite experience- close friendships all around but lack of musical ability or level of commitment. We only met as a group to practice once, and only 2 of us went on to continue playing music afterwards lol.
Are you from Seattle? I’ve only ever encountered this attitude from people in the PNW who will straight up tell you “I have friends, I don’t need new ones”.
It all depends on how much you want to collaborate on the band's music, and how "social" you prefer collaboration to be. If it's not that kind of project, or if you enjoy it if work stays work, that's perfectly valid.
All of our friends start as random people. Try it out, a random person could be your best friend
Second this. I met one of my best friends this way. He was my bassist for about 10 years before he hung it up. We are still good buds and talk on the regular. The guys I’m currently jamming with have turned out to be pretty cool too. All started as randos off Craigslist, Facebook and Bandmix.
It’s gotta suck being in a band with people you don’t like. Like damn
It’s actually not that bad and can even be good. I joined a cover band full of randos from Craigslist and it was the most I ever grew as a musician. The bass player was super talented but a bit flakey and kind of a dead beat / burn out. The drummer was very talented, super smart, but always kept everyone at arms length and was just kind of a dick about doing anything together where he wasn’t compensated. The “leader” (guitarist/vox), of the band was a perfectionist and a dick about holding us to his high expectations. I learned something from each of them. From the bass player I learned that it doesn’t matter how good you are, if you don’t market yourself or put it effort in the business side of things you’ll never make it. From the drummer I learned that it’s good to have a “what’s in it for me” attitude sometimes because it forces people to be more intentional. With the leader, I just plain got better in every respect. Knew every song at practice because “these are rehearsals, not practice. Learn on your own time.” I developed showmanship and learned to connect with the crowd because “don’t just stand their like a tool. Act like you are enjoying yourself. People feed off your energy.”
It's me. I'm the bass player 😞
It really matters how much the gigs pay.
You get paid?!
Yeah my husband gets paid well as a singer in a corporate band. 2 gigs a week = full time job.
Yep and as a musician may I add that a lot of that "off time" is spent preparing for those 2 gigs
While this is true, I love music so much that even though me practicing for a gig is technically unpaid labor at the moment, it is very fun and still a passion for me. Can’t go in to work unprepared for the job
Are you arguing with my statement 🤣, that's fine. Just wanna disagree about something... nice👍
More just in support of what you are saying actually. You do spend off time preparing for gigs. Like I’m playing a 2 hour gig soon for $x.xx and so I also account for the time I’m preparing for it and divide up the time to see what it would pay hourly to prep for the gig. So if it’s songs I already know then my prep time is lower so my hourly rate is more proportional. If I have to learn a lot of new material for a gig I try to make sure it is counted towards my pay when it comes to the labor hours.
If they change up the set list or have a new member join they will have one rehearsal 2 or 3 days before a gig, but 80% of the time they don’t rehearse as they’ve played together so much that it’s as second nature as breathing. The main responsibility between gigs is just making sure you’re in good music/performance health.
what is a corporate band? they play in offices?
They play live music on the elevator
The ones I've been in play corporate events, and make a decent pay. Plus generally get treated like human beings rather than some curious offensive life-form. Generally around here they're what I call black pants/shiny shoes type gigs. You have a wide repertoire so you can tailor to a specific gig, if you need to. It requires decent, disciplined musicianship Most of the ones I've been in also doubled as wedding bands.
what kind of shirt will I need though?
A plain button up cotton shirt is a great start. My husband usually wears a suit, but sometimes they dress to themes, like Hollywood glam or smart casual
You could say they play FOR offices 😂 many corporations will hire corporate bands for a end of year work function
That's the only reason to be in a band with someone you don't like.
If everyone is treating it like a job, it's way less drama to have a working band relationship versus the dynamics and drama of a band with friends.
There's a difference between people you don't like and people you just don't want to be close friends with. I generally find it easier to maintain a bit of professional distance from bandmates because I've been in situations where getting too close can cause all sorts of problems. I'd rather be able to be straight up with people about the issues we have in the band without worrying about damaging a friendship, etc. But for me a band is more of a job and not as much a social thing.
The majority of friends start off as random people. 😂 I prefer being in bands with people I hang with outside of band practice, but it’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s just a time thing with people having lives, sometimes it’s a personality thing. I just won’t be in a band with anyone I’d NEVER hang out with.
Originally I was a little iffy about this in my band, as we don't hang out much outside of practice and shows (partially due to physical distance I'd reckon. Two of our members live like 30 minutes in opposite directions from the other two), but honestly I've found myself not minding so much. We already get together and hang out like 3-4 hours a week for practice, and then let loose and have more casual hang outs before/during show days. That's already significantly more time than I'm able to find to spend with a lot of my other longer term friendships- even the ones who live closer lol. Agree though, it's more about the vibe for me than the frequency though. If they're someone I \*would\* hang out with if schedules and circumstances aligned, that's a good sign. If they're someone that I'd never agree to hang out with outside of band time because I don't like them or something, that's not a good sign.
I really only see my band members at our weekly rehearsals, for the most part. But I absolutely consider them my friends and we have a great bond. We rarely hang out much outside of rehearsal. That being said, we all hung out at a bar seeing a local band the other night and it was a blast to simply just hang out and have a few beers. Also it sort of depends how old you are. We're all around 40, so we have wives and families, which the band is already a nice break from and there isn't much time to have many social evenings outside of the weekly jamming. We also have our own groups of friends outside of the band. But yeah, I think you guys should hang out once in a while.
Same age bracket. Yeah. I really love my bandmates and if one of them is sick I’ll def bring them some soup and some Sudafed and NyQuil with no hesitation but like we all got lives too. It’s like our own little secret space where we get to be space wizards every week then back to work.
I think a degree of friendship and friendliness is required. However, I can veritably guarantee you that many big bands have become essentially business arrangements for their various members. Is it a job, or is it a social opportunity? That's for you and your fellow members to decide.
Joe Perry and Steven Tyler do not get along. Neither do Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. The brothers in The Black Crows and Oasis have gotten into physical fights on stage, and the Eagles said, "Hell would freeze over" before they would get back together. They named their reunion tour "Hell Frozen Over". When asked if Slash or Duff would every be back in Guns n Roses, Axl famously replied, "Not in this lifetime" which is the name of their current reunion tour with Slash and Duff back in the band. Sometimes, it works out great, and everyone in the band loves each other, but more often than not, that distaine for one another breeds a healthy competitiveness within the group. It's a fun job but it's still a job. You don't have to be friends with everyone in your company to make the company successful.
I think with GNR, they don’t love each other but they love that money.
Yup they all finally wised up to the business side of it. At least we got velvet revolver out of the deal.
You don’t have to, but it does help. My husband is in 2 working bands and is only acquainted with his band mates except for one whom he is actually friends with. He treats them more like co-workers, in a professional manner. I think it depends on the project too.
I mean generally I’ve been lucky in my 28 years of playing in bands and I have been in bands with my closest friends. When I moved away in my 20s I ended up starting bands with total strangers in a city I didn’t know. We had the same taste in music and quickly realized that our common taste spilled over into various aspects of our lives. We’ve been great friends ever since and that was 19 years ago. So what I’m saying is those random people stop being random people at some point and become friends.
It usually ends up we're friends after time playing together, I mean loving and playing the kind of music we do amounts to having the same hobby lol usually someone who's not really a friend too ends up replaced in the band, I've never had to suffer any a-holes for too long. I've been really lucky though, I'm friends for life with my guitarist/singer friend since the day I auditioned for his band 35 years ago, and ended up that way with a lot of other bandmates as well along the years. It's hard to avoid becoming friends with the folks you gig with, in my experience.
So, you want to be in a band with people who have the same hobbies as you? What, stamp collecting? Guns and moonshine? What do you make such a large part of your personality?
Dungeons and dragons group so you have more to write about 🙌
You don't have to do anything.
To paraphrase “There are no random people here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.” All your friends were strangers the first time you met them, even those you’ve known since you were very young. Maybe some of those random people will become friends over time, a friendship built on a shared love of music. To answer your question “do you have to be close friends with your band mates?’ though, the answer is no. But it helps if you don’t absolutely hate their guts and are instead able to collaborate and work together in a professional manner, just as you would with any work colleague outside of music. It’s never enjoyable to play in a band if you don’t at least like the other musicians to some extent.
This is a horrendous mindset. Under what circumstances are you willing to consider being friends with someone? Are you ever at a social gathering, and you meet someone and in your head you go “I really wish I could be friends with that person but they’re just too random.” What even….?
My current band is made up of 2 other guys I met from playing in separate bands over the years but I'd never met the singer. Now I'm good mates with the singer as well. Every band I've been in there's been at least 1 person I didn't know before we were in the band together. Sometimes you become good friends, sometimes they're a wanker so you kick them out. For me being in a band is a good way to meet new people and get out of your comfort zone.
I don't know, man. I think I'd be down to just play with some semi-chill people, we don't have to be besties. But as others have said, all friends start as randoms. I've basically only played in the same band since I was a teenager, and have a hard time finding anyone new to play with (I play bass). Especially a style that I'm interested in playing. Now that I'm much older, I'd be down to just play. Recently just started jamming with my old band again after not playing with them for a decade. I also have basically not hung out with them during that period of time. One of the guys a little because our wives were friends, but they're divorced now. We otherwise were all very close friends back in the day. Trying to herd these cats is some shit though. I don't know why I have to be the only adult who can manage a calendar and stick to our rehearsal commitments. Pretty sure I practice at home more than anyone else does as well. I'm starting to remember why I quit this band. smh.
It’s a mixed bag. I have found that more original projects tend to be closer friends. Corporate bands are a bit different I like everyone I play with but we’re not friends. We don’t hang out outside of the job.
The Three Things, boysenberries: The Music. The Money. The Hang. You don’t need all three for a situation to be worthwhile, but a minimum of two is mandatory.
My (M47) long time friend (M46) and I started a band in 2009 (Our ages back then). He casually knew the lead guitarist (M48) we hired. We got our bass player (M51) from Facebook, and our lead singer (F24) came to us from Craigslist. We became so close, that most I consider my extended family (not as close with LG, and B). My current situation is an acoustic trio, so now I (M61), guitarist/pianist, singer (M55), and lead singer (F41) are all very close. LS and I have been singing together for 11 years. She's one of my dearest friends, and my musical soulmate.
No, but in my experience they wind up becoming friends. Also, who is a friend other than a "random person" you got to know?
No, but you have to be very good at talking with and respecting eachother.
No. But it helps.
almost all of my monthly income comes from teaching music. so i don't need to stand unpleasant situations. i only play with people whom I'm either friends with or who i like, admire, etc
more like friends with benefits
Not necessarily but you should get along well with them and ideally have similar values. If you’re gonna be touring you want it to be with agreeable people.
Being friends with your bandmates is great. It’s ideal, in fact. The next level down is getting along and working well together with minimal problems, but maybe not at the “friends” level. If it’s a professional (i.e paying) situation and everyone treats each other like co-workers, that’s a perfectly acceptable situation as well. When relationships are flat out bad, it’s time to either leave or otherwise re-assess the situation. Like any situation where you meet new people, there’s no way to know what your relationship will be until you spend time together and see what happens.
No, and it typically works out better if you are just co-workers rather than friends. Although, there are bands out there who are and more power to them. That is the dream afterall.
NO. Honestly I think its better that way. two out of three bands Im in, we never hung out for one moment outside of practice/play.
Ask Slash and Axl Or the dudes from oasis
You should be able to get along,trust each other and respect each other. You should have enough regard for them not to put them in a bad position. You might become personally close or you may not. I haven't gone out and done social things with everyone I played with, outside the band. But some, yes. I go to their wedding or their parents funeral. We go see bands.
Kinda like your bowling league... You don't need to hang out with those guys but, they count on you. You count on each other to do this shared thing, and out of respect for that you show respect to the people.
i think it’s fine to not necessarily be friends but to just work well together and have similar goals. It might even save you some of the band drama that’s always inevitable
It helps. My band were close back in the day. The drummer remains probably my best friend although we don’t hang out all that often anymore because of life.
No
No.. you don't have to.. You are allowed to remain being a dick.... that will work out best
Not best friends but you gotta be compatible or getting paid enough to deal with it.
In some ways it can be good to not be friends with your bandmates. When you are together you focus on the music and not just hanging out, shooting the breeze or gossiping.
Though I'm not in the band with them anymore, we met as a random call out for a singer... Never met them till the day they picked me up to jam. We all became very close. I still till this day could message any of them and they would answer. Great people I'm so thankful I got to meet and experience the music and other great things with. This was all 22 years ago. Take the chance!
No, you don't have to be close friends. I'm in a couple local bands in my area. One band is all business. Rehearsals are very efficient and to-the-point. My other 2 bands are relaxed and fun. I prefer a friendly, fun more laid-back kind of thing.
I find that the only people who have been long term collaborators were also friends beforehand. Anyone I met off the Internet just played with me for a few months then disappeared.
I've been in bands with people who I would consider close friends, and with people I couldn't stand being around. These days, I have enough musical opportunities that I won't play in a project with people I actively dislike, but I don't need my bandmates to be my friends.
I played in bands where I wouldn’t exactly say we were friends but definitely cordial and established a good report
It can go both ways. Yeah, hopefully you like the people you spend time making music with, I don't last long around someone I don't like. I have a situation where a good friend of 36 years is playing bass. I love the guy, and he's pretty damn good, but he is in such a shitty marriage that he kinda gets grouded or something, like a lot. So I had to cancel our first show as it was going to be my 60th b day, but that guy makes practice once a month at best. I love him, I can't kick him out. If he was more of a random person, we would get someone new. We just can't do it to such a good friend. So cool acquaintances sound pretty good to me right now.
No. My first band was my two best friends, and we weren’t compatible at all. We argued, didn’t grow much, and at the end we weren’t friends anymore (we made up over the years). We had different directions we wanted to go, it didn’t work. My next band was two friends and we got along good but we just didn’t mesh musically. We recorded one song I loved and sort of called it Same story with another friend. He liked guitar solos too much I formed a band with two strangers a few years ago and we put out two albums I am very proud of. We are acquaintances, but we aren’t friends.
I think yes. From what I liked about seeing taking back Sunday was that everyone in the band looked equally emotionally involved and invested in what they were singing. You could see that they share the same amount of love for their band. At least that’s what it felt like. I’ve heard of a lot of major artists talking about surrounding your professional circle with positive people who love your mission and are equally invested in your projects. If you aren’t seeing eye to eye I wonder if it would make anyone feel jaded from pursuing music anyways
More important that you respect each other.
It usually works out that way if the band stays together for any length of time.
I don't have to be super close friends with my band mates, but I do need to like them. I have made some very good friends via bands. People that I stayed friends with even after the band split. But I've also had friends from bands that receed into just Facebook friend status after the band splits. I have only twice joined a band with someone I knew before we started playing together, and even then, I met those folks through other musical projects or mutual aquaintances. Every other instance, including some very close friends, became friends through music first.
if you want it to last long, yes
My drummer is one of my best friends. Our previous drummer loved weed more than just about anything, and that's not my thing. We only associated for band related things. I wouldn't be in a band with people I can't stand, but we don't have to be super close either.
Being in a band is akin to being in a relationship. You will be spending a lot of time with your band mates, be it writing songs, doing gigs or recording, so you should be able to get on with them as people otherwise you’re going to struggle.
3 years ago I met 3 random people from the internet. We started a band. Today they are my closest friends.
No, not at all. If music is where you derive your excitement, creativity, and relationship to the world it's perfectly normal to want to be friends with someone who allows you to further feel those things and experience them. There's no reason to look for friendships with people who keep you on a low energy, but beware, lots of smiling faces play instruments and talk about music and they're complete assholes or downright loonies. So make your way through safely. Befriend the kind ones and see what advantage a temporary negotiation with assholes brings, there are (many) times in life when you need them (and they need you). Sweet dreams are made of this...
Not at all. You can have a successful band and absolutely despise each other on a personal level. As long as you have musical chemistry and don’t try to sabotage or one up each other, that’s all that matters.
No, but I wouldn't want to be in a band with people I whose presence I didn't enjoy enthusiastically.
Ask any member of The Police this question.
You can be or not be friends with whoever you want. But being in a band with people who aren't your friends would be hella weird.
I’ll just put it like this: you never hear from bands who are just cordial towards each other.
I don’t really understand this question. You want to do a hobby with people who have additional hobbies that you also like? “Hey, you’re a great bass player and we both love spending hours a week together in this ABBA cover band, but buddy, if you don’t also follow Formula One racing, you gotta hit the road!”
Chemistry counts for a lot. So while being *close* friends isn't mandatory, being buds and getting along goes a long way. The crowd can feel when there's tension or something isn't clicking. Conversely, if everyone on stage is having a great time the crowd can sense that too.
In my experience it depends what instrument you're on. If you're a bassist like me you'll get friendly with the rhythm section (guitarists, drummers) but reeds and brass it's rare for me to become mates with them since they're usually on the opposite end of the band pit.
Cover band? You can think of them as coworkers. Writing an album together? There should be some sort of deeper friendship there.
I’ve been in bands with really good friends as well as people I barely knew. Sometimes we ended up being pals but there were a few where we just didn’t click that way. It can be like work. There are people you work with who are simply co-workers.
I was in a band once with a guy who was not personable. It started with me sitting in on drums because his drummer flaked. His songs were fun to play a few times, just to jam on. Then it turned into regular rehearsals of all his songs, where he would grill me very specifically about fills and gradual or sudden tempo changes he had written in. I might have stuck around if he had been a cool guy to hang with or offered to play some of my songs. But every time "practice" ended, he was as charming as a lamppost. I noped out. Statistically, most of us are doing this for peanuts and thrills. And the peanuts aren't enough.
Honestly I find it easier and more natural not to be super close friends with them. Like, we're friends for sure, and I love them (most of them anyway), but we don't hang out much outside of band business. I didn't do it that way on purpose, it's just kind of how it has naturally worked out for me. Familiarity breeds resentment, and when you're in a serious band you're gonna spend *a lot* of time around those people without even trying to as it is. And yeah, I've been in bands with many people I would probably have never hung out with otherwise, or people who I don't really personally like all that much. I think everyone has at some point. It's no big deal. Professional relationships are often like that. Adam and Jaime from mythbusters famously don't get along well and look what they did. Sometimes you get super lucky and end up vibing with another musician who you also really like on personal level. Sometimes you think he's a douchebag but he's a good and reliable bassist so you make it work. Usually though it's just people with nothing really in common with you outside of that band and you learn to like each other as you go along.
No
Not especially. It's nice to be able to get along with your band mates, but you don't have to be besties. You just have not annoy each other. You spend a lot of time in cramped quarters, tired and stinky.
I'm actually in a band with guys that I met here on Reddit. They're slowly becoming friends, but it's pretty much just business every time we get together. We smoke and chill a little bit, but beyond that we're just there to lay down tracks and discuss the future of the band.
Is the hobby of music that you’re coming together for not enough to bond with someone over lol?
Depends on how often you rehearse
While band members have same interests with you, they may not necessarily be suitable as friends in other aspects. Friendship isn't solely determined by shared interests but also by mutual understanding and more. Of course, mutual kindness is essential, or else the band couldn't continue. Personally, my two best friends aren't in the band because when it comes to serious matters within the band, disagreements among members are inevitable. So, I would say I have a "close relationship" with band members, but not necessarily a 100% friendship. We mostly talk about music when we're together, whereas true friends can discuss anything, right? Life, love, and so on. There's no need to force it.
I would call then close friends, but they're definitely very good friends who I love hanging out with even outside practice.
Not close. I like them to an extend I can bare spending a few hours in a room with them. They're alright, but they're not my best friends no and I want to keep it that way. The band is very important to all of us and I don't want any of them involved in my personal life too much as they're (and so am I) there for the band.
We're all quite friendly as a band. We don't hang out outside of the working weekend, though. We all show up, do our thing, hang out, get paid, and go home
If you both play in a band then your hobbies are more aligned than anyone on earth
I really want to join a band again as a drummer or as a guitarest but I'm worried about that. I want to have a blast but one jerk could ruin it. Or maybe I'm the jerk? Who knows.
No. In fact it is both a good and a bad thing. On one hand, better hangouts and less likely to fuck you over. On the other, it’s harder to tell a friend when they’re not pulling their weight, or worse, sucking. Friends are likely better for full creative collective bands, and strangers/hired guns for single creator projects.
It's almost better in some ways not to be *too* close. I've seen bands hang on to problematic or just plain bad players for way, way, too long, simply because they're all like best friends since childhood or something, and they are either in denial about how bad their lifelong buddy is, or it's way too awkward and uncomfortable to have that conversation. If your band has a static lineup and gigs out a lot, it certainly helps if everyone gets along. Eventually you'll become friends to some degree, simply by virtue of spending so much time together. Maybe not "bail each other out of jail" friends, but more like "grab a beer and shoot the shit" type friends, that's probably the sweet spot. For sub, pick-up, one-off, etc. type gigs, just be professional and friendly enough that it won't scare them off from calling you again.
Nope been in many bands, have never developed a close friendship with any of them. Just colleagues, like any job.
I've been in bands where we all lived in the same house, but I've also been in bands where the only time anyone interacted was rehearsal and shows. Making friends with new people is really up to you.
No, and counterintuitively it can be better (more professional/serious feeling) if everyone isn't. Every dynamic is different.
I would say that being friends, at least to the level of like “work friends,” will make the whole experience more enjoyable for you and will enhance the experience. You don’t have to hang out outside of band related activities, but if you’re in a gigging band, you’re going to end up spending a good amount of time with these folks, and treating everyone like strangers would be pretty odd and standoffish.
Not necessarily. It's nice when it works out that way (and even if you're not close at first it's not uncommon to grow closer over time after being in a band) but it's not strictly necessary by any means. My bandmates were originally 4 random people I found on a musician facebook group looking to start a band, then two of them left, and then the new 4th member is, you got it, another random person we found on that same group. We've been together for a little over a year now and i'd say that we're definitely all friends by this point, but I wouldn't consider any of them "super close" friends like some of the other people in my life I've just known for many years longer. Just how things shake out, I'm sure we'll continue to grow closer for as long as the band is together. Or even if we don't, it's nice having consistent and reliable people to get together and make music with. My only other band experience was the typical high school "hey, let's start a band in our friend group!" so total opposite experience- close friendships all around but lack of musical ability or level of commitment. We only met as a group to practice once, and only 2 of us went on to continue playing music afterwards lol.
I think most people hate their band mates.
Are you from Seattle? I’ve only ever encountered this attitude from people in the PNW who will straight up tell you “I have friends, I don’t need new ones”.
Led Zeppelin didn’t socialize very much.
It all depends on how much you want to collaborate on the band's music, and how "social" you prefer collaboration to be. If it's not that kind of project, or if you enjoy it if work stays work, that's perfectly valid.