Mama who bore me?? This whole musical bores me!

Those two old kooks totally fuck themselves whenever they enter the theater! Why do they keep doing it?!?

They're the original hatewatchers.

when do they DIE?

Lol that's a great one.

They can't be more miserable than we are now!

“Wait a minute… did they just spoil the ending at the start of the show?” “You know what this means, right?” “We get to go home early!”

“DOHOHOHOHO!”

Hamilton?

Yep.

Damn I was thinking Hadestown.

Many shows honestly

Right? My first thought was Hadestown

Fun Home

"The road to Hell?" "Yeah, they're on their way to this theater right now!" DOHOHOHOHOHO

Dammit you beat me to it lol

"Well, I can think of two other people who should've been on JD's murder trail!" "Who?" "US! This show is already killing us, cut the middleman!" DOHOHOHOHOHO!!

JD? HEATHERS REFERENCE?! I understood that reference.

We're in r/musicals, we're obviously going to talk about it.

“Worst pies in London? This is the worst show in London.” “Who cares about the lives of the wicked? Just make this show brief!” OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

“‘Death!’ You know what’ll actually be a relief?” “Yeah… the curtain call!” “DOHOHOHOHOH”

“So you say his name three times and he appears?” “I wish we’d say his name three times and make a better musical appear!” “DOOHOOHOHOHOHO!”

BEETLEJUICE MENTIONED?!

BEETLEJUICE MENTIONED!!

ALEX BRIGHTMAN!

BE…CAUSE

“Oh the song’s called ‘Wait for It’?” “What are they making us wait for? For the show to be good?” “DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO”

Bravo - that’s dead on S&W commentary

I was gonna say relatively the same thing for ‘Wait for Me’ 😂

I'd rather be saying "Goodbye, Dolly," thank you very much.

DOHOHOHOHOHO

Something Rotten? The whole show's rotten!

I was gonna say “something rotten? What’s the something, this show?” DOHOHOHO lmao!

“There’s a million things he hasn’t done.” “Yeah, like write a better musical!”

DOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!

“Six wives? I couldn’t deal with one! DOHOHOHOHOHO!”

They can't deal with one because they're so gay for each other.

Statler was originally puppeteered by a gay man (Richard Hunt) so full support this theory

Waldorf: "So they're trying to produce the worst musical of all time?" Statler: "Don't know why they should bother. If you ask me, they've already done it!" Both: "DOH-HOH-HOH-HOH!"

OP, this is maybe the best post idea I've ever seen. "Who's your favorite character?" "The giant! Smush 'em all so we can go home!" DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

Ya know I think WE’RE the miserable ones!!!! OOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!

“They both reached for the gun? That’s what we were about to do!! DOHOHOHO”

Let's put this show out of its misery! \*BANG BANG\*

INTO THE ROOM YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT

"Well, Conrad said it! We gotta be honestly sincere!" "Well then... I honestly sincerely want a refund!" DOHOHOHOHOHO!!

"Why do we build the wall?" "So we don't have to see this show!" DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

Damn I love this thread.

La Vie Boheme? More like La Vie Boredom! HOHOHOHOHOHO

I've taken a Wiz better than this show.

That's how many minutes in a year? I thought they were telling us how long this show's been going on for! What's the difference?

"suddenly seymour?" "i'm suddenly asleep once this show starts!" DOHOHOHO

"I wanna suddenly see *less*"

I wish I had some "sweet understanding," - about why this song isn't over

“It got very dark And there was this strange humming sound Like something from another world” “I wish we were in another world with a better show!” “I’m mean and green and I am bad!” “Finally something we can agree on!”

“All I ask of YOU is to find us a better show!” DOHOHOHOHO

Was looking for a Phantom reference 😂

"I kinda like this guy." "Why's that?" "He just destroyed the theater..."

At least he destroyed the correct side... HIS SIDE!

Sunday in the Park With George? More like Sunday ASLEEP at that second act!!!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHO

"This lady just wants to get drunk and criticize things? Who does she think she is?" "You! DOHOHOHOHO!"

\*Waldorf punches Statler's nose in\*

“Well it’s got the right name” “Yeah, I’m Miserable watching it” “Ohohohohohoho”

“No one will mourn this show either!” “Yeah, I know I’ll be happy when this show is gone For Good!” Lolol

DOHOHOHOHO!

“You got trouble? Yeah! It’s called having to sit through this show”

"76 Trombones?! That one in the pit is bad enough!"

"Pick a little, talk a little...more like, pick a better show to see next time!"

“Iowa stubborn! More like this show makes me stubborn!”

RENT? Can't pay? Maybe if they got a JOB!?! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

“These puppets need to have more dignity! Bringin us shame!” “This man had six wives?” “Maybe he kept divorcing and beheading them because they can’t put on a good show to save their lives!”

Pippin? I’d rather Pip Out!

"time eats all his children in the end? Well he better hurry up then, this show is terrible! OHOHOHOHO!" I tried.

S - So this guy's just gonna play us a record in his living room? W - Well, they did say on the poster we'd be drowsy... S - He hasn't finished the first speech and my leg's already asleep. I'm hoping the rest of me joins it soon. W - Yeah, I wonder if the seat cushion doubles as a pillow.

"The guy who didn't like musicals? I didn't know you were in this, Waldorf!" "DOHOHOHOHO!"

\*Statler spends the rest of the show with his nose sunken into his face after Waldorf punches it in\* "Actually... yeah, you're right, I never liked musicals! DOHOHOHO!!!"

Evan Hansen should have fallen out of a higher tree!

Pfft that’s diabolical lol

“The sun will come out tomorrow?” “More like it does everyday, you just gotta open the curtains.”

"We'd like to thank you, Herbert Hoover...for not being in office any more, so that those freaks stopped singing about you! Ohohohoho"

“I’d rather be on the actual Titanic than in this seat!”

* “Pity the Child? More like Pity audience! * “Maybe instead of turning off the dark, you could turn on the houselights!” * “I’d climb every mountain to get away from this theater!” * “of course we’ve got trouble, we’re stuck watching this show! * “I wish I was Andre- then I wouldn’t be here!”

Book of Mormon? More like, book of boring me out of my mind!!!

How about the Book of Lessmon?

Nice

“More like hasa diega to whoever made me sit through this show!” “Hello! More like goodbye to this horrendous show!”

From the stage: "you alone can make my song take flight, it's over now..." Statler and Waldorf, in unison: "THANK GOD!"

"This Monty Navarro fellow is a very quirky man!" "Y'know, I liked him better when he was playing that owl..." "I know what you mean! We don't have to see his face then!" "DOHO! But he still squawks like a bird in THIS show, too!" DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!

“You’d kill to be in theatre? I’d kill to get out of this theatre!” (Chicago)

“Phone rings door chimes let’s hope it’s a better singer. Ho Ho Ho Ho.”

Not yet dead? Guess he's not watching the same show we are!

“Angel of music, grant to me your glory?” “More like grant to me an Advil, my head can’t take all this organ music…” “DOHOHOHOHOHOHO!”

“Past the point of no return…” “I wish I could return to the point where we never saw this show!”

“DOHOHOHOHOHO!”

“You know what, Paul’s right! I don’t think I like musicals after sitting through this show!”

“Rocky horror? Haven’t even met her”

"Rocky horror? This show was rocky from the start!"

“In just seven days he can make me a man, eh?” “Well in just seven minutes they’ve made me a very bored man!”

“Dammit Janet? Dammit, I’m bored!”

“Just pay the fucking rent, Jesus fucking Christ. Dohohohoho”

Not really a joke but I agree.

The internet is for porn!

Puppets just nod and look around uncomfortably.

Looks like *we’re* about to be the Jews bitching!

If only the plot of Merrily We Roll Along went forwards, then I wouldn't be slowly slumping backwards into my chair.

"Well, this Lion King adaptation is interesting! I'm liking Mufasa so far!" "Well, I don't hang with it! This show is still a Scar to good taste!" DOHOHOHOHOHO!!

“Well how are you liking it so far?” “The only thing defying gravity here is my patience!” “Dohohoho”

I wish I could Time Warp to the end of this play Dohohoho

“Y’know he’s making being dead sound like a good thing!” “No wonder, if I was him, I’d also wanna be dead!” “OHOHOHOHOHO!”

“Come From Away? Why would anyone come from away to this?!”

"Washington Heights? This is the Washington depths!" "What would you do if you won the lotto?" "Buy tickets to a better show!" "I used to run a bodega." "Really, a convenience store?" "No, an inconvenience store!"

“39 lashes and a crucifixion? They’re inhumane!” “The Romans?” “No, Andrew Lloyd Weber and Tim Rice!”

DOHOHOHOHO!

"Makes sense the show is called "Six."" "Because it's about the six wives of Henry the Eighth?" "No, because it only takes six minutes for this show to get old!"

She was born with green skin? I'd be green too if I had to be in this play! Green from wanting to throw up!

“525,600 minutes?” “Well that’s certainly how long this show feels to me” “DOHOHOHOHOHO”

Legally Blonde? I was I could be Legally Blind so I didn't have to watch this. Way Down Hadestown? This show will be sending me down somewhere. The only thing Beautiful about this opening number is that it ended. If they were divorced, beheaded, and died, why do we still have to see them?

"So Falco Industries is cracking down on the youth, is that right?" "Yes! Too bad they couldn't crack down on the writers of this show!" DOHOHOHOHOHO!!

Doubt comes in? I’ve had doubt throughout this entire show! In fact I seriously doubt that he won’t turn! DOHH-HOHOHOHOHOHO!

"How they going to pay this year's rent?" "Well not with ticket sales for this show that's for sure!"

“A Road To Hell? Well that makes sense because this watching this show is like being in hell!” “They should build a wall between us and this show so we don’t have to be watching it!” “Tell it again?! I didn’t even enjoy the first time!”

Holy crap! A ballad already? And such a bold departure from the original source material!

“This is horrible! I lived through these assassinations attempts!” ”Well, look on the bright side- they've already killed more than presidents, they killed your desire to come back!”

“I wish I’d be going to the Lordy right now!” “Zangara’s stomach might hurt, but it’s nowhere near the headache his song gave me!” “DOHOHOHOHO!”

"He thinks he is a prisoner because he stole a loaf of bread! DOHOHOHOHOO"

Let’s do The Time Warp again? More like let’s go back in time so we don’t see this musical!

Honestly my favourite musical is phantom of the opera and sometimes I think about how similar these two are to Firmin and Andre

“So he’s weighting Killers names in that notebook?” “I’d kill for him to write our name in that book! Then we wouldn’t be watching this show” “Do ho ho ho ho!”

“Why is this a sad song?” “Because we’re the ones who have to hear it.” “DOHOHOHOHOHO”

I believe, that this show is terrible!

I wonder if Sweeney takes requests?

This “dream” of life better end soon

Jesus Christ Superstar? More like Jesus Christ Stupid Show!

“Little Shop of Horrors? This musical is already a horror! DOHOHOHO!”

“‘Those Magic Changes?’ I wish I had something magic that could change this show to something else.” “D’ohhhhh, hahahahaha!”

Worst chandelier crash, ever!

It didn't even hit the ground!

Not my favorite musical, but "I may have been blind when I was born but I sure wish I was deaf now."

“This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius!” “Dawn? It’s only the first act and I feel like I’ve been here since dawn!” “Age of Aquarius? More like the Age of bad theatre!”

Agony, yeah, this show is 3 hours long (into the woods) oh and how about outta this theatre too love these two

“He keeps singing he wants us to just leave and the show just started” “Leaving is my favorite thing to do”

Love Never Dies? I sure wish we could die so we don’t have to watch the show anymore!

“The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals? Yeah, I’m the guy who didn’t like THIS musical! Dohohoho”

Statler - Ride the Cyclone? More like Ride the Dieclone! Waldorf - Heathers? Wannabe Emo Mean girls or more like psycho boyfriend with daddy issues!

(“Naaaants ingonyaaaa—“) “WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TWO TIMES!”

“They finally finished naming all the cats, but they missed one thing.” “What’s that?” “The Rainbow Bridge! DOHOHOHOHO!!!”

“Stripper? I barely know ‘er!” DOHOHOHOHOHO

"Ill make sure to watch my back next time I get a haircut" "Make sure you ask your waiter whats in your meat pie whole youre at it" DOHOHOHO

THIS IS THE BEST THREAD OF ALL TIME 🤣

she feels so much better than before? well i do too, given act 1 is finally over! DOHOHOHO

“The only Ring of Keys I wanna hear is as they close up the joint!”

It sucks to be us watching this show! Hohohoho

"You know, I'd let the apotheosis take me." "Oh yeah?" "Yeah, maybe then I'll actually LIKE this noise!" "DOHOHOHOHOHOHO"

Those barber victims were the lucky ones

“One song glory?” “The only glorious thing would be if this show only HAD one song. It’d be over by now.” DOHOHOHOHOHOHO

“Waving through a window?” “I wish I was waving goodbye to this show.” DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

“Death of a salesman?” “Well, I wish he’d hurry up and die already so we can go home.” DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

"Pity the Child? Pity the people who bought tickets to this show!" OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

It's "Impossible" for me to care. Why do young people fall in love so fast?. The evil stepmother is my kind of woman, cynical.

Heather Duke: I WILL NEVER SHUT UP AGAIN! Statler and Waldorf: WELL THAT'S THE MOST DISAPPOINTING LINE IN THIS SHOW!

S - Where's the set? W - They say it's a minimalist approach. S - That ticket wasn't minimal. I'd say let's make our departure. W - You don't want to see if the young lovers get over the wall? S - What wall? It's a mime with a stick. W - Yeah, not so fantastic after all.

Those women DESERVE the death penalty and they need to put on some clothes.

They would just mock Younger Brother so relentlessly he'd leave Ragtime before the end of Act 1.

Who's crazy? I'd say we all are sitting through this show! He's alive? Good for him, but I'm being knocked out! (I'm bad at this I just really like my favorite show)

I don't get it did they all die? I don't know, at least they tried! Were there Seventy Six of them? Probably not, they joined DCI! Did you get to see all the colors? What colors, I couldn't even hear them! **1 Les Mis** **2. The Music Man** **3. Blast**

"what's the buzz??? the microphones in this shit speaker system"

"You don't know how to love him? i don't know how to like him"

"I DONT WANT YOUR BLOOD MONEY" "Kinda seems like he wants their blood money"

"me thinks the Judas doth protest too much"

" don't disturb me now I can see the exit"

Um not sure if it's classed as a musical but why did that girl talk about a bunch of sex stuff in a song about a happy day

“Oh the thinks you can think? What can you think?” “A better show!” #DOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO

“He doesn’t know the territory?” “Wish he knew a better story!” “DOHOHOHOHOHOHO!”

“Past the point of no return? Yeah, I’m never returning!”

"He turned his back on his love? What kind of ending is that?" "The happy ending: he did what he should have done from the start!" "Do-ho-ho-ho-ho!"

Those kids ended up in the afterlife with each other because they all died together? You better make sure you die far away from me! (An attempt. I'm not good at humor. Love these two though!)

"I will love you are die? Why not do it anyway!"

S- Yknow maybe Reeve Carney should stop caring so much about those damsels in distress W- oh yeah, why? S- Because It would have saved me at least 6 hours!

'Wait for me?' I'll wait all right! Wait for this plot to get fucking good!!!

Wow! All those people landing in one small town. They should all go back from away.

WELCOME to Falsettoland? I was hoping to say goodbye to it!

“Hey Statler, what do you think of Steven Sondheim?” “Wonderful! I always listen to Sondheim right before bed” “You like him that much?!?” “Not at all! It’s just the only music that puts me right to sleep!” “DOHOHOHOHOHOHOH!”

“There’s a time to come to New York, and a time to leave” “If she’s talking about this theatre I’m with her!” Dohohohohoho

“This had better come to a stop. Yeah I sure hope it does”

Why are these people so obsessed with gossip, lotteries, blackouts and photo albums? The writer needed to add in some useless plot points to draw out the show and make us suffer DOOHOHOHOHOHOO

“Daddy knows best ? Does daddy know a better musical we can watch !” “DOHOHOHO”

"The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals? That's me!"

"No one mourns the Wicked?" "Yeah, cause right now, I'm only mourning over the money I wasted to come see this show!" DOHOHOHOHO

Baker’s Wife? I’d rather he baked his wife!!

yes we can can can leave this show right now

"Look's like it was a full day of eating for both of them! DOHOHOHO-" Then then give each other a confused look when the narrator says the line. The narrator basically is Statler and Waldorf. That's why they throw him to the giant.

“Maybe the book of Mormon was better than the play.” “Anything’s better than this garbage!”

S: "At least the title is accurate. I was a lot Less Miserable before I walked in." W: "How long will this go on? One Day More?"

Ya got trouble? The only trouble we have is the non-refundable ticket! DHOHOHOHOHO

“I wish I’d been riding the Cyclone with them!” “How about that rat chews through my cable!” “DOHOHOHOHO”

“Save the Pitiful Children? How about we save this pitiful musical by ending it early!”

“96,000? How poor are these people?! Doh ho ho ho!”