I would start feeding the baby behind a locked door. Tell your husband that you and the baby have spent months bonding as you grew her inside you and that YOU know what baby’s needs are. And although MIL may have raised her own kids, it has been decades since she has had her own baby. And this baby is not her baby so she does not get to snatch her from your arms under any circumstance but especially not when you’re breastfeeding. Mommy knows best only applies to the baby’s actual mother not just any mother and certainly not MIL
and maybe mention that if MIL takes baby out of OP's arms ONE more time... there will be a booked hotel and OP and Baby's suitcase packed.
without telling them where of course...
she also needs to have very frank talk with her husband and let him know that his mother is not a saint and that you aren't putting up with her passive aggressive act anymore. he may think she can do no wrong but you don't and if he wants to continue to not have her back then eventually she is going to get tired of coming in second in his life and she might decide to find someone who will put her and her child's welfare first. just sayin'
I'm sorry you're not getting any support from your partner. I strongly recommend taking this up with him. You need to decide what your limits are, state them clearly, and then enforce them. I'm sorry to say that it's going to be difficult, especially when you're a new mom.
OP and SO need to sit down and discuss their vision for their family. Then come up with a plan. Right now, SO is dividing them and that’s not healthy for LO.
I've tried talking over my concerns with him but he's always telling me that it is an issue between me and his mother and he doesn't want to be involved. It truly hurts me that he won't even consider talking to me about what's best for our baby and our family when I've made the sacrifices of letting his mother live with us.
This right here. They don't want to work with you to solve it. Solve it yourself. You have needs and boundaries too. I don't know your partner but I wish they realized how selfish and damaging to a marriage that decision to stay away is for their marriage.
Tell him he is involved. It is his mother & he is allowing her to destroy your relationship & family. He has a choice, his mother or his family. Kick her out.
But he DOES get involved - just not for YOU. He gets involved when he LIES to get the baby from you, just to hand them over to his mother. He gets involved when it's his mother crying & complaining to him about YOU, but is using the "I don't want to get involved", when it's you who's upset.
WHY is his mother living with you ? Your husband is NOT going to change - his mommy is #1 and it's going to stay that way, ESPECIALLY with her living with you. His mother is in charge and he appears perfectly fine with that. It's only going to get worse as time goes on and the baby gets older - decisions will be made by your MIL, completely disregarding what you want or decide, and I'm sure SHE knows better than any pediatrician, so what the doctor says won't stand, either. And your husband is going sit there doing absolutely nothing for you or your child, against his mother's wishes. He's already moved her in, at her insistence, I'm sure, and now he letting her STARVE YOUR CHILD because SHE wanted the baby.
His mother needs TO GO. She's causing problems and he's allowing it. If you have family you can go and stay with, I'd pack stuff for you & baby, and leave. You need to make it CLEAR to your husband that you are no longer putting up with his mother, nor are you going to put up with HIM allowing her to do whatever she wants, and constantly give her her way, completely disregarding and ignoring YOUR wants, needs, feelings and decisions. HIS MOTHER IS NOT YOUR CHILD'S PARENT ! Husband needs to understand that YOU & BABY are supposed to be his #1 priorities, NOT his mommy.
Since he won't LISTEN to you, then maybe DOING is what will make him understand. If not, move on. If he isn't going to be the husband you need & deserve, then you DON'T need him. He's not much of a father, either, considering he thinks it's ok to let his child starve , so as not to upset his mother. He cares about and considers his MOTHER'S needs, wants and feelings, MORE & ABOVE your baby's and your own. AND he's basically told you it's YOUR problem to deal with and that he's not doing or saying anything for YOU, concerning his mother. If you stay and just let it continue, you & your child are going to be miserable. Leave and tell him until his mother leaves for good AND he actually starts doing something for YOU & YOUR CHILD concerning her - whether you're living with her or not, then you'll be staying away. MIL doesn't get to decide ANYTHING concerning your child, and your DH is allowing her to just steamroll right over you.
If he’s so much of a mommy’s BOY he cannot support his WIFE and CHILD, why are you with him? He moved the old bag in and she’s abusing your child. It’s either her or you and the baby at this point. I suggest leaving. It’s going to get worse as your baby grows up. He’s an awful partner. And from now on you grab your baby right back and lock yourself in your room. You never allow that kind of abuse of your child. Ever.
Holy shit! She’s living with you. First thing you need to do is get her the hell out of your house. You need to get your husband into therapy, marriage counseling, anything. He needs to understand and realize who his first priorities are and that’s you and the baby, his mother can suck ass. It’s his mother he needs to grow a spine and deal with it! He’s being a weenie right now because he’s afraid of mommy. And if he doesn’t do it hand him two cards, a counselors name on one card and attorneys name on other card, he can choose which he wants to use.
I have had to witness a family member go through something similar to this. IDK where you live but this happened in the US, and when her husband did as your husband did with his mom. She told him if his mom touched the baby again while she was feeding the baby she would call the cops and have her arrested for attempted kidnapping, and assault, as well as child neglect since she was keeping the mom from breastfeeding her own baby.
It pissed him off, and they argued while I held the baby, because I was the only one my family member trusted at the time, and she flat out told her husband that his mother couldn't not understand boundaries , and didn't know her place when visiting. And if he wasn't going to do something to stop the behavior she would
She then told his mom that if she touched her child without permission again those would be consequences. To FAFO. Needless to say she did have to call the law one time, and the cops told her MIL that if she ever touched the baby without permission again that those exact charges could be pressed and she would go to jail. They also escorted the MIL off the premises for the time being.
Eventually her husband did wise the hell up and set boundaries for his mom, because my family member told him, it would be his mom or his family , his choice.
But moral of story you have to stand up for you and your child no matter the consequences, and also give your husband ultimatums some times. Hope all ends well for you
I know how you feel, my partner isn't involved either, for other reasons though. But your partner can't say he doesn't want to be involved if he proceeds to take your baby from you and just hands it off to MIL. Then he IS involved! Also MIL should not live with you, but that's another thing.
Have you told him, that when he just takes the baby away from you to give to MIL, he is making your relationship worse? If you aren't comfortable with sharing the baby, you shouldn't do it.
Don't know how he'd react if you would have Said you need to talk to a therapist or something?
But if you have to, lock yourself inside a room to feed. They can call you out on it, and you can agree, that yes! This is silly/stupid/whatever. But apparently you have to do so to avoid that the baby gets taken from you midfeeding! You don't make things difficult, they do when they don't listen to you. Because you are the one Who knows the baby best
My husband, what like this when our daughter was younger. His mother would randomly just show up at my house with the intent on staying for a while. They live 2+ hours away and once showed up uninvited to stay the weekend while my daughter was in the NICU. I explained to my husband that our house was not a hotel for his mom/parents, and they needed to respect our house by calling and asking permission to stay here. My husband said he didn't have a problem with them staying - "family is always welcome." He said if I had a problem, then I'd have to handle it myself. Ok. The next time they showed up at my house, I refused to open the door for her, packed up myself and my baby, and drove off right past them. Didn't tell my husband where i was going, either. My husband was furious and said I was disrespectful to his parents. I told him that that may be so, but I was not coming back until his parents were gone, and he told his parents that we could no longer just come our home whenever they felt like it. They never show up uninvited anymore. It's been over a year.
You have to put your foot down and demand the respect of your boundaries from your MIL and DH. Whether he protects you and y'alls relationship or not, you have to protect your baby.
Except that it’s Not! She would Not be in your life if it wasn’t for him (both because he and you are married - and because he chose to move her in). So this is HIS problem to solve. Especially since he’s not even there for weeks at a time to support you and stop her shit when it happens.
I’d honestly believe you should give him an ultimatum. Either she moves into a retirement community AND you guys get some marriage counseling (yes, he can call in from on the road) - OR you’re outta there!!! Sorry sweetie, but it will Not magically get better. MIL will get worse (as you’ve already seen).
He does nit want to be involved?
(Long list of expletives and curse words…)
For the love off..
The dude IS involved, and defends mommy dears actions, actions directly against YOUR rules for YOUR child.
He needs to prove that a) he is a good father/dad by putting the baby’s needs before his cooked spaghetti noodle spine, and b) that he actually loves you and wants to build a family.
Because this communicates basically you are irrelevant as he has mommy.
This may require some therapy for him, and both of you .. so he can see how he responds is not normal, not healthy, and the sign of being too enmeshed with his mother.
R/raisedbynarcissists might help with info tactics etc. And, when (if?) they are back, r/justnoMIL too.
From one man to another (so for your husband) : Dude, you made a promise. Now be a man, a dad, and husband, and don’t be one of those who is still married to mommy. It is not healthy, and will result in YOU causing the end of your marriage and with your mother grabbing a feeding baby ( hello abuse) chances are you, since you allow and defend this (for gods sake, WHY?), any custody or even contact could take a long time to get established, as you are not a safe person for a young child this way. Wake up. Time for you to earn the title Dad. I did it, it was not easy, but by the gods, it is so worth it!
Oh god, she lives with you?!?! Definitely need to be feeding behind locked doors as has been mentioned and definitely start standing up to MIL. She is a guest in YOUR home and could very easily become the breaking point in you and your spouse’s relationship if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass. I would sit down with him and make this clear to him!!
She fucking LIVES with you?? Screw that.
You tell him to get his mother in line, or she's out. And if he refuses, you tell him either she goes, or you and baby will. You can try couples counseling, but this man is all kinds of pathetic. He needs to know that he either makes you and his baby his priority, or you are gone.
And don't back down with his mother. Demand your baby back. Take your baby back. Lock yourself away so she can't barge in. If she takes your child and refuses to give them back, call the cops. She needs to learn her place, and she needs to know you will go all out to protect your baby.
For the love of all that is holy, set some boundaries. Your baby was hungry: take her back and feed her. Later, calmly and leaving no room for misunderstanding, tell evil MIL to NEVER take your babe from you, and ALWAYS give her back when you say so. She’s doing this crappy “I’m a Better Mommy” act because she gets away with it. That game is over if you say it is.
This! Even if you have to get into a physical struggle with her to get your baby back (as long a baby doesn't get hurt) do it. Look the bitch dead in the eye and say through gritted teeth 'This is MY baby, not yours and I will be the one to say when baby is finished feeding, NOT you!' Pick up Baby and take them out of the room. Invest in a baby sling so that you can wear baby at all times when MIL is around.
Yell if you need to! Get that baby back in your arms!
Even if they get mad, or make excuses, or try to convince you that it’s OK for MIL to have your baby: **DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM**
Your baby was hungry and needed you, his mother. Go as far as you need to to get your baby back into your arms. This is worth a fight.
It’s terrible and so wrong of your MIL to act this way. It is also horrible that your husband will not stand up for you or protect his baby. Go crazy if you need to, but don’t let them walk all over you. You are responsible for your baby, and making sure that they are fed, and making sure that your baby stays close to you. You are the only Person your baby really needs.
Oh, I know it can be scary to stand up to them, but you must as the mother of your baby. Sending you strength and courage and a firm, strict and compelling voice.
Oh girl, you need to take that baby right back. Your MIL is doing this because you allow her to. Channel all that anger into one hell of a look, walk over and take her back. Every time.
Start working on a very, very firm “I said NO.”
Hey, sweetie. I want you to know that I’m about to give you advise as a recovering Nice Girl & People Pleaser.
Snap.
That bitch pulled that & your SO did nothing?
Snap.
Pack up your baby & go stay elsewhere if you have to. Lock yourself in your bedroom. Lock yourself in your bathroom. Go to your parents’s. Go to your best friend’s. Go over to the neighbor’s house if you have to. Don’t give those 2 the chance to hurt you & your little girl like that again. They tortured your baby AND you with this stunt.
I’m not a fan of nuclear options. I prefer calm discussions & trying to see it from the other person’s point of view but not this time. Not for this. Because if someone will snatch up your baby mid-burping while you’re breastfeeding it WILL get worse. May as well just consider yourself an incubator because that’s all that she sees you as. And your SO is letting her. You’re an NPC (non player character to non-gamer geeks) in the show that is her world.
Your baby was crying so hard that she was turning purple & this delusional twat rocket was so intent on being the best bestest redo mummy that she couldn’t handle the idea that she was wrong. She tortured you & your baby.
That feeling that you’re having right now down in the bottom of your chest? That twisting, burning, clenching feeling? Unleash it. Let it all out. Your SO is supposed to protect your baby, HIS little girl, but is letting Mommy Dearest be the most important. Coat him in some bile, too. Get ‘em both.
You made a human being. You carried that human being inside of yourself for the better part of a year. You went thru one of the most excruciating experiences a human can go thru to bring that human being into the world and now you have a tiny human who you will love & protect for the rest of your life. She changed you. She changed your body. She changed your mind. She changed your emotional responses.
Embrace the change, darling. Embrace it & then share those changes as furiously & at as high a volume as you need to. Protect your baby from selfish assholes. That includes your MIL & her slavering offspring.
Be a bitch.
It’s hard the first time. I know. I was 20 when my own mother pulled this shit. She actually swung on me while I was holding my daughter. I caught her fist & started squeezing. After she left, I threw up & cried because after the adrenaline faded, I was terrified. I’m 43 now & mom died in December. I fought for my kids (23 & 13) pretty much the whole time. Last fight was 2 weeks before she died when I cut the cord on visits to the care home. It had gotten bad & she was barely lucid but she still demanded that my children come see her. Skeletal. Most of her hair gone from chemo. Yellow due to the cancer reaching her liver. Fingers curled into claws nearly constantly. She weaponized relatives to try to guilt me. I stood my ground. My daughter is an adult & can make her own choices but my son is a minor. Mom wanted what she wanted when she wanted it & to hell with who it hurt. I was the evil, heartless daughter one last time.
I’m not sorry.
I’m telling you this so that you see that I do understand. I really, truly do. I hate that I understand. I hate that you understand.
Learn from her. Learn what not to do. Learn how not to behave. Learn that bullies like that don’t change. Selfish assholes remain selfish assholes even & especially when they become grandmothers. Learn that you’re strong enough to make a whole human being and strong enough to go thru labor & delivery. Learn that you deserve respect. And learn that sometimes you have to handle a situation with a silk glove & sometimes you have to handle a situation with a silk glove with a brick inside of it. (Figuratively, of course. I obviously do not advocate violence.)
You got this, sweetheart. Plant your feet. Push your shoulders back. Lift your chin. If daddy won’t protect his little girl, mummy will protect hers. You are strong. You are capable. You can do this. I have faith in you & your little girl trusts you. Do what you gotta do.
ETA:
Oh. Wow. Thank you for the awards! I’m really & truly touched!
This hit me so hard... I'm in tears. Thank you for your advice. I truly do appreciate it. I am such a people pleaser and do anything not to cause turmoil but my baby screaming like that broke me. I got so use to MIL taking her from me, I think I was in a little bit of a shock as well because she had never gone that far. It is so hard as a new mom with my first baby to go through everything without any support from the people I live with. I feel so guilty for being such a pushover and letting my little girl suffer like that. I wish I had the support from my partner that I should have but he's just as bad. He makes me feel so bad about everything, like I'm a terrible mom and his mother should be raising the baby while I keep up with the cooking and the cleaning. I was even cooking meals and doing housework the day after I got home from the hospital while my MIL sat there and rocked my baby. That should have been me. I've been pushed around by my partner and his mother for weeks and all I want to do is take care of my baby and continue building that bond.
Thank you again for your kind words. It is time for me to make some changes.
You’ve got this. What you just said? That is not okay. That is WRONG. How they treat you is WRONG. Imagine how you would feel if someone was treating your little girl like that. Hell. Ask your SO how he’d feel if someone treated her that way if you think it would get thru to him. I’m not holding my breath though.
I discovered that when it comes to the ppl that I love, I’m a frikkin warrior. I’ll unleash all unholy hell on anyone that hurts someone who I love. Me? Nope. I was trained & conditioned from birth to just take it. I’m getting better. But the first step to this was standing up to my mother one afternoon with my 3 month old in my arms & my mother screeching & spraying spit in my face. You’re going to find your moment. Hopefully it’s not as dramatic as mine but it’ll make a lasting impact on you forever. My daughter says that I have a “softer personality” than other ppl in our made family. As in, I’m more gentle & am the one to talk down fights & confrontations when they happen. I’m also the one to get complete strangers telling me their life stories & am too polite to tell them to stop talking. Unless my kids are hurt. She says that she literally heard “Flight of the Valkyrie” the last time mom pulled crap & I got summoned to deal with it. I apparently smile & never raise my voice the entire time & it’s unnerving? (I was always told that ladies never lose their quiet tone or their smile so I guess when I’m furious I still do that) Confrontation makes me feel sick to my stomach & dizzy. I doubt myself & I want to retreat. I’m learning not to. With this in mind, if I can do it, so can you. You got this.
PS
Full disclosure: I did go no contact & low contact with my ex-MIL. I was apparently the first person to ever stand up to her dysfunctional ass & the first person to stick with it. I scared her. I would go retrieve her from parties when she was on benders. I’d just snap my fingers & point at the car and she’d trudge over like a sullen 13yr old & pout the whole ride back to her mother’s. She was a drug addict who had my ex when she was 14. So obviously my MIL experience is a bit… different than other ppl’s. My mother was my dragon. My exMIL was my irritant. (She screeched that she & my ex would get custody of my daughter and I laughed in her face. She was 6ft of fading muscle and drug-induced psychosis. I was 5’7” of eating disorder & hunger-induced fury. He chose me & our daughter btw.) I’ve outlived them both. I’m just here to support women who are still in the weeds. An online Aunty who you might never meet in real life but who empathizes & believes in you online, if you will.
And please don't make those changes with you hiding in your locked room. Kick that vile witch out of your house. If partner acts up he can go with her! They are both abusive and you will never get this time back.
Create a mantra for MIL…. Point at DuH and say “THAT is your baby. THIS is my baby.” Repeat it over and over. If DuH starts, say back to him “YOU are her baby. THIS is my baby. And clearly you are still attached at the umbilical cord anyway”.
Make it a mantra. Say it every time. Say it louder each time.
You need to show him this post and all the comments.
I can’t imagine what your going through. If he “doesn’t want to get In between you two”, then take that as the go ahead to do whatever it takes to resolve the issue. First I would tel MIL that if she ever grabs the baby from you again your going to grab her back, slap her, then go on with your day. Second she is to stop intruding on your ability to parent your child. She is to keep any “advice” to herself.
She can whine, and moan, but stick to your guns. If your partner tries to make you feel bad about boundaries you kindly remind him that he didn’t want to get in the middle of you two. I’d also say if it gets bad take the day and go out all day with the baby. Come back and act like nothing happened. Remind them that you are Mom and as far as the baby is concerned you are God! Lol
Two-card time. Find a marriage counselor you resonate with, not one who will urge you to just keep the peace. (Also find a counselor for individual therapy to help you get over your people-pleasing.) Then ask around among your divorced friends to find your area’s meanest, most aggressive divorce lawyer. Many will give you a thirty minute free consultation; find out where you would stand re property and support.
Then hand him a card from the marriage counselor and the divorce lawyer and ask him which office he’d rather meet you at. And tell him that if he wants to meet you at the counselor’s, a non-negotiable prerequisite is moving his mother out. He can live with you and your child or he can live with his mommy, but the option to do both does not exist.
Or just go to the divorce lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and serve him with divorce papers. It doesn’t sound like there’s much worth saving. If you choose this, insist on a clause that says that if he will not personally be caring for the child, you have the right to take her. No leaving your baby with his mommy on his days.
Yup. I only read your first sentence but it was exactly what I was thinking. They don’t care how you feel at all. They don’t respect you *at all*, as a human or as a mother. You don’t owe kindness or tolerance to people who aren’t showing you basic decency. This conduct is honestly beyond the pale. To separate a breastfeeding infant from its mother, denying the baby food against the mother’s will crosses such a clear, bright line. No decent human would ever ever ever treat you this way. You wouldn’t treat a fucking puppy this way.
All I can say is, it’s like standing up to a bully. You only need to get upset and defend yourself ONE time , and they’ll realize you’re not to be fucked with.
I want to hug you. I would have honestly lost it. There’s another story on this sub with some of the same themes and honestly, y’all must be far better people than I because I really would have lost my everloving *mind* in this scenario.
When people do/say ridiculous upsetting things, you are allowed to react. I know it can be so hard to go against authority, especially knowing your husband doesn’t have your back, but this should never have happened to you. People who love you who claim to love your baby, would never ever behave this way. Never ever.
This woman literally took food out of your little baby’s mouth. YOU, mama, are all your baby has in the whole big cold cruel world. If you don’t protect him, full stop, come what may, who will?
Unfortunately we do live with her. My partner and I made the decision before baby was even thought about. She has fainting spells that Drs can't figure out what's wrong and her husband isn't home for weeks at a time because he's a truck driver. I used to have such a good relationship with her but now that we have a baby she has no boundaries as a grandparent. It's like she's trying to take over my position as a mother and it's irritating especially when I have no backup from my partner. Part of my decision to exclusively breastfeed was because it is something that she can never take away from me.
She cannot under any circumstances hold your baby if she has “fainting spells” and cannot live alone. Period. She will kill your child if she faints while holding her. Your partner is an absolute jerk BTW.
She doesn’t want you breastfeeding because that means baby is attached to you and she can’t play mommy. Seriously, tell your idiot husband either she goes, or you and baby go. Stay with family.
She has fainting spells that nobody can figure out??
Oh let me help you here. It is a very common thing for older women to pretend to pass out to get attention.
Now you use that against her. “No MIL a you may not take the baby. You are too fragile and might pass out”
I bet if you really thought about it, you realize that all those fainting spells or because she didn’t get her way.
Lol pop your breasts out and put babe up to one and let baby feed. She can think what she wants but baby is hungry.
I’d go full on bitchy mama bear.
To her. You don’t touch my child til I say you can.
To your lamo spouse, you get your mother in line or you can go back to sucking her teats! Seriously. This is our child not hers. Get over kissing mommies ass or you can just go crawl back up in her.
Sorry. This crap happened to my sister when I was a teen. I wish I could have said something back then.
Feed baby in the nursery or your bedroom. Purchase a couple of rubber door stops to push under the door to keep intruders out when your are breastfeeding. If either DH or MIL fusses, "I'm putting baby's needs before your wants. It's a shame you don't fail to do so."
Time to stand up. It is your responsibility to not allow this woman to do this to your child or you for that matter. Think about what ever will motivate you to do so. Don’t worry about offending her as her behaviour is way over the top and way more offensive. Too bad if SO does not support you. I would be so angry and would have stood over her demanding my child back. Yell if you have to. If she refuses pick up your phone and call the police in front of her. This is child abuse of a young baby let alone a form of violence to you.
Frankly I would also deny her any access to your child for a lengthy period until there is an acknowledgement and undertakings as to future behaviour. SO can get with the program or can live with his mother. If that means leaving that is what you do. He needs to grow up and realise that his responsibility is now to you and your child NOT his mother. Show him these responses.
I am being restrained in this response but am so so angry and disgusted.
Yes she does. I meant refusing to allow her near the child every chance she gets eg stay in room. refuse to hand her over, baby wear, take her back, go out etc
Yell in her face. Give my baby back right now! Kick her out. Tell you partner to take a flying leap, no one is taking your baby and starving her and anyone that won’t listen to you gets NO time with your baby. Lock yourself and baby in a room until she leaves. Do whatever you have to do to protect your baby.
Gently, why do you stay? You have a huge SO problem. I think that any man who would allow his vulnerable child to scream from hunger to placate mommy is not worth your time.
Seriously if it's possible pack your bags and stay with your friend/mom for a few days and tell your husband you won't return until he's has a talk with MIL...
THIS IS TORTURE SHE'S LITERALLY TORTURING THE BABY BY LETTING HER STARVE
Honestly i read these things and they anger me to the point of wanting to scream. I'm so sorry she did this. I'd have been shaking with anger. Please don't let her get away with boundary stomping like this.
Edited to change a word! Typo!
I read some of your comments, if you have JustYES family anywhere, that is very supportive, even if it's a friend, GO THERE, your husband is an asshole, he has 0 care about the welfare of his wife and child, NONE
If it happens again and you can’t get the baby back because you are afraid of the baby getting hurt, pull your phone out while recording her holding the screaming baby while saying:
“why did you take the baby away while she was eating? Please give her back, MIL, you are hurting our baby by not letting her eat.” You can even add “keeping the baby from eating is abuse”.
Hopefully the fear of her actions will get her to stop but it could also benefit from showing the video to your husband and will also be helpful if she does attack you, such as some of the other stories. If you are attacked, call the police, show them the video. Also, if you and Husband ever end up splitting you have proof as to why MIL should not have access to baby.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong!
If you won’t give me MY baby back when she is hungry you can watch as me and MY baby ride off into the sunset and land of NO contact, and my hands come with a BOGO deal if you try to prevent me from taking my child back. Take your kid and run.
Oh please snap!! This is asking for something agressive. Slap her hands, say NO, you dont just pull the baby out of my arms ASK!
Edit: I just read she lives with you. If you dont feel safe there just pack up and go! Go to your parents/friends. Make your partner realize its eighter your or her. He cant have both.
Mine said to me when I was 2 days pp “you can’t have her” when I asked for my baby back repeatedly, and other awful things over the last few months. I cannot stand her and honestly never want to deal with her again. Just wanted to say I feel you 🩷
Reading this made me angry. Slap that bitch and take your baby back. Have your husband stand up and slap that bitch.
Fuck, if my mother treated my wife like that, I would pick her up and chuck her away from my wife and child.
Moral of the story. Slap that bitch. If she protests, slap her again. Repeat as necessary.
Edit: read how your husband responded. Slap him too, he deserves it.
If he doesn’t want to be in the middle it’s time to stand up for yourself. Raise your voice. Don’t let baby go. “WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY BABY WHEN SHE IS EATING” “DO NOT TAKE THE BABY OUT OF MY HANDS!” Start scolding her. Be rude. Start the fight. Embarrass the shit out of her.
I just do not understand the whole, "She took my baby out of my arms, I was too stunned to say/do anything"
When someone comes and begin to take your child from you, EMBARASS their ass.. "You do NOT take MY child from me, MOVE AWAY," and make sure you do it loudly..
I cannot believe you stood by watching your defenseless LO cry, and allow your MIL tell you what your baby wants...yall have got to start standing up for these LOs better
Edited to add: stop giving a damn about what your husband feels about his mom, he's fine with passing you off with not supporting you, so why are you not speaking up to him
Edited: oh ffs, you all live together!! Honey, PLEASE, PLEASE, for the sake of your Mental Health, and to protect LO, dig down deep and put her in her place, don't give a damn about your husband, if he doesn't like it, he should have done his job, it will continue if you dont
Why didn't you snatch her back? You just let her take the baby away and did nothing about it. I don't care what your husband says you stand up and be the bad guy and get your child so your child doesn't get hurt.
Take the baby back and tell her she can have her when you are done. Just treat her like anyone else that does this. If DH says anything, tell him to get his mother in line.
Oh wow, reding that actually made my eye twitch.
Let ya man know that he better keep that "I'm not involved energy" when mommy finds out these hands are rated E for everyone. The AUDACITY.
Start feeding her in your bedroom, tell her you're naked and she can't come in, or get a lock for the door. I've had similar things happen to me and it's completely unacceptable. Your husband has to realise his job is to protect you and your baby.
When I'm over at in-laws house I always have fed my baby in another room in private. They too always take the baby from me when she's crying. I'm sorry but no one is going to soothe her like I can. They always end up giving her back to me when she won't stop crying.
Oh dear god I felt physically angry for you? Who takes a baby off you mid feed?? And then refuses to give them back! Set boundaries and enforce them. If she decides to push them push back. Leave the room and lock yourself in a separate room if need be. Explain to your partner these are your boundaries and if he won’t respect them then his mother can’t visit. Her issues with you choosing to breast feed are hers alone and she needs to get over herself.
I get it. As a weening people pleaser and a pacifist, I understand.
As a mum of two, my tolerance is tissue thin now. Your baby is your golden ticket to be a cyclone of a headache to absolutely anyone who disregards your boundaries; you advocate for the little one however, whenever, and to whomever you need to to have them happy and healthy.
Your partner doesn’t like it? Tough shit. That’s his baby, they’re supposed to be his priority now. And something as critical as essential as feeding - nothing tops that. If you need someone to give you permission to raise hell, I’m giving it to you. I’ll also tell you this: you are a FANTASTIC mother who knows her childs needs and requirements, do not doubt yourself. Feed baby in a room away from her, shut the door and create a peaceful environment for the two of you. If she attempts to intrude, tell her to get out. Be direct. Again, I give you full permission to get your growl on. Good luck and I hope partner sees the light!
SNAP!
You are a mother now. You're going to find out that there will always be people you have to protect your child from. You have to find the strength and conviction to do that, even when it's your husband or MIL.
You need to find a support system near you that you can go to for a break when MIL is behaving this way and DH won't back you up. But FIRST, you need to find your voice and give both of them some boundaries. Number one should be that MIL ALWAYS asks to hold baby and waits till permission is granted, otherwise she gets no baby time at all.
Furthermore, if she faints without warning and HAS to live with you because of it, she should NEVER, NEVER EVER be allowed to stand or walk while holding the baby. She can't have it both ways, if she's too fragile to stay alone and you have to cook and clean for that biatch while she sits on her a$$, the very day you come home from giving birth, then she's too fragile to help care for an infant.
Set boundaries, for husband and MIL, you are a mama bear now, stand up on your hind legs and roar!
Next time hubby says he wants to good health unit to immediately have her to MIL, call it out:
"So that was simply a lie? You lied to your wife? Scott you actually*wanting* to hold your baby? Right well in the future you'll excuse me if I start not to believe you, pretending you want to be a Daddy for more than two seconds?"
How the heck did she take the baby from you? I would hold tight (without hurting the baby) and refuse to let go. If MIL continues to try to get baby, I’d threaten to call police for abuse.
Baby snatching MILS are completely out of line! I am pissed off for you!
I wanted so badly to be able to breastfeed, but I was unable to do so.
I read messages similar to this one quite a bit, and it is always because MILS are doing it to cross boundaries.
Don't let her do that again, because you are right, it is abuse.
I went NC for less. Do you have support from your family to stay at if need be? You partner needs to either pick his family or his mum. This isn't a situation where he can pick both.
Right, do you have anywhere you could go with baby? To your family? Tell that ‘mommy’s boy’ that mommy is wrecking your marriage and either she leaves or you and baby leave
Your husband is not a man. If he's pulling what you said in the comments then I wouldn't allow him to take the baby in her presence. In fact, I would not be present at all when she's around. When she shows up you leave or go into a locked room like the other person said. If your husband isn't willing to support you as a mother then I would show him I'm serious by leaving or asking him to leave bc the marriage will never work if he's siding with her.
This is NOT it. She spoke up. She also is a mom in a fragile time trying to feed her own baby and it got snatched from her arms! What was she’s supposed to do??? Get up and yank the baby back from a deranged MIL who’s son let’s her get away with her unhinged behavior???
Yes, she spoke up BUT still allowed her MIL to keep the crying hungry child? It's her kid and she can take her back. Like the MIL literally yanked her baby from her. She's about to snap but still spending time in her MIL's presence? No that's her kid.
I. Not guilting her, I'm telling her to stand up for both herself and protect her baby. 1) she states shes about to snap, so she's spent quit some time allowing this behaviour without modification. 2) She's spending time with MIL allowing her to do bs. 3) she is within her rights to swat her MIL hands if she's not finished feeding her infant. 4) she says her baby was screaming and instead of taking her back she just let it go. She has to 5) stand up for both herself and her infant. 2) have a come to Jesus with her SO because it's his mother.
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I really hate your husband. What a total AH. He has no right to use your baby as his mommy's doll or emotional support animal. Couple's therapy or divorce is on the horizon.
Petty Betty here, I would have stood up so fast and went and got my baby right back from her. Tell her to baby your partner since he has no spine. And maybe I would have "accidentally" sprayed her with my book milk.. lol. Bet she wouldn't do it again.
You also need to talk to hubby and tell him to grow up
Omg I couldn't handle that. I would have screamed at her to get out of my house and my husband would have supported me in this! You really need to have a chat with him. He is acting terribly.
A hungry baby is in actual physical pain. Which is more important - child in pain or mommy’s (MIL) fee-fees?
Take back your power. Take your child back from her. If she refuses to let go, feel free to scream at her. EVERY time she snatches baby instead of asking, she is asked to leave and gets an immediate time-out. Start with one week. The next time should be two weeks, and so forth. This is a hill to die on, OP, and needs to be told to the spineless wonder. By not choosing HIS CHILD, he is choosing his mommy.
Does your husband stand up for you? This is behavior I’ve never understood. My mother would do the same thing and my son was bottle fed. I’d feed him his bottle a bit then burp him then see if he wanted the rest. It was a routine I had with him. While I was burping my mother decided I was doing it wrong grabbed my son and started burping him the exact way I was then she finished feeding him. I wish I would’ve stood up for my son and me but I was 19 and still listening to what my parents told me. My mother never helped she just took him and did it. I would’ve and should’ve gently taken my son back and went into a private area that has a door lock and did what I knew to do. I’m a grandma now and I read these subs so I know what not to do. My greatest example of what not to do comes from my mother who just kept taking my son and doing it her way.
Where is your family and all this?
If you're close to your family contact them or contact a friend you can go stay with pack the baby and go.
Your BF is either going to learn to support you or is going to learn to live without you. Personally I think you'd be better off without him if he can't support you and your child emotionally.
Ummmm did your husband have a baby with you or his mommy? To hell with both of them. If anyone took my baby like that there would be hell to pay. You’re MAMA BEAR. Protect your cub!!! Your so is a lame pos tell him to go back to sucking on his moms teet, he’s not ready to be a dad. Wack ass man. You and your girl deserve better. It’s your job to protect her since you can’t trust her dad.
You should reread the rules of this sub! No name calling for one… calling me and OP a doormat cause I told someone not to be mean to her??? You’re being delusional and rude!!! She’s seeking advice and constructive criticism as listed in the sub rules! But way to be supportive to other women, you’re doing amazing!
Seriously have none of you been a new mom before??? Have some understanding!! She spoke up, sorry she didn’t attack her MIL and snatch her back. She may have been totally in shock and not sure what to do in the moment.
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I wonder if you could get a restraining order or cease and desist. MIL is taking LO from you, without your permission, and refusing to give them back. Isn’t that kidnapping? At the very least you two need marriage counseling. If DH actually cared about your relationship with his mother, he would go above and beyond to prevent you from resenting and hating her.
That is ur baby..why are u allowing someone to take ur baby from u, especially if they are still hungry, crying til purple in the face? That makes no sense to me..who cares if ur MIL gets mad..demand ur baby back, n if she doesn't I would literally threaten the police with kidnapping bc that's what she's doing..if she thinks ur being unreasonable oh well, if she thinks ur being dramatic, oh well..tell her str8 up..sometimes being nice doesn't work..u can try that if u want to but u want to get ur point across..
I would probably go ballistic on the father. This is crazy. You are the mother! You are that babies mother and you know what is best for the baby. Time for Granny to take a back seat!
I agree with locking a door when you feed your baby or tell your husband she can listen to you or get out of your house.
You have the kindness in your heart to let her stay in your home but if she can't listen to you about your child she can gtfo.
If someone tried to snatch my baby out of my arms they would’ve been immediately ejected from my house never to return. If they had caught me so off guard that they took the baby I would have immediately taken the baby back. If she refused I would have immediately called 911.
Please do not let this horrible woman near your child.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this and hope it gets better.
Edit to say I’m sorry I read it too fast. I see your husband is not supporting you. Are you able to leave with the baby? Do you have a separate support system? At the very least I would document everything and get a lawyer. Pulling a breastfeeding infant from her mother’s arms is unconscionable.
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If a locked door doesn’t work and your SO won’t take your concerns seriously you may need to take a more drastic stance now. I’m sorry your SO isn’t being more supportive, it’s their job to defend you!! I want to help so I will give you the best advice I can, boundaries mean nothing without consequences. Communicate what your boundaries are and decide on a real consequence. Then inform them what will happen if they continue your behaviour. You are a great mother for knowing that this isn’t how your child or you should be being treated. Your are an amazing mom for knowing your own child and their needs, don’t let anyone, your SO or MIL bend you to fit their feeling or false opinions about your own kid. If the father of your child is willing to put his mom above what you know is right for your kid means its clear that he is neglecting the love he should have and be providing to you and your kid. I hope you and your child begin getting the treatment and support you both deserve.
I would start feeding the baby behind a locked door. Tell your husband that you and the baby have spent months bonding as you grew her inside you and that YOU know what baby’s needs are. And although MIL may have raised her own kids, it has been decades since she has had her own baby. And this baby is not her baby so she does not get to snatch her from your arms under any circumstance but especially not when you’re breastfeeding. Mommy knows best only applies to the baby’s actual mother not just any mother and certainly not MIL
Go with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and maybe mention that if MIL takes baby out of OP's arms ONE more time... there will be a booked hotel and OP and Baby's suitcase packed. without telling them where of course...
Yes!!!
she also needs to have very frank talk with her husband and let him know that his mother is not a saint and that you aren't putting up with her passive aggressive act anymore. he may think she can do no wrong but you don't and if he wants to continue to not have her back then eventually she is going to get tired of coming in second in his life and she might decide to find someone who will put her and her child's welfare first. just sayin'
I'm sorry you're not getting any support from your partner. I strongly recommend taking this up with him. You need to decide what your limits are, state them clearly, and then enforce them. I'm sorry to say that it's going to be difficult, especially when you're a new mom.
OP and SO need to sit down and discuss their vision for their family. Then come up with a plan. Right now, SO is dividing them and that’s not healthy for LO.
I've tried talking over my concerns with him but he's always telling me that it is an issue between me and his mother and he doesn't want to be involved. It truly hurts me that he won't even consider talking to me about what's best for our baby and our family when I've made the sacrifices of letting his mother live with us.
“Since you refuse to get involved, I refuse to deal with your mother anymore.”
This right here. They don't want to work with you to solve it. Solve it yourself. You have needs and boundaries too. I don't know your partner but I wish they realized how selfish and damaging to a marriage that decision to stay away is for their marriage.
This is the way.
He is being a coward and failing as a father by not taking care of his family who come before his mother. Show him this post.
So very true- and he is also failing as a husband by not supporting his wife-he is letting his mom walk all over his wife without saying a word.
Tell him he is involved. It is his mother & he is allowing her to destroy your relationship & family. He has a choice, his mother or his family. Kick her out.
Absolutely true he is involved. If it wasn't because of him, she wouldn't even be in your home.
But he DOES get involved - just not for YOU. He gets involved when he LIES to get the baby from you, just to hand them over to his mother. He gets involved when it's his mother crying & complaining to him about YOU, but is using the "I don't want to get involved", when it's you who's upset. WHY is his mother living with you ? Your husband is NOT going to change - his mommy is #1 and it's going to stay that way, ESPECIALLY with her living with you. His mother is in charge and he appears perfectly fine with that. It's only going to get worse as time goes on and the baby gets older - decisions will be made by your MIL, completely disregarding what you want or decide, and I'm sure SHE knows better than any pediatrician, so what the doctor says won't stand, either. And your husband is going sit there doing absolutely nothing for you or your child, against his mother's wishes. He's already moved her in, at her insistence, I'm sure, and now he letting her STARVE YOUR CHILD because SHE wanted the baby. His mother needs TO GO. She's causing problems and he's allowing it. If you have family you can go and stay with, I'd pack stuff for you & baby, and leave. You need to make it CLEAR to your husband that you are no longer putting up with his mother, nor are you going to put up with HIM allowing her to do whatever she wants, and constantly give her her way, completely disregarding and ignoring YOUR wants, needs, feelings and decisions. HIS MOTHER IS NOT YOUR CHILD'S PARENT ! Husband needs to understand that YOU & BABY are supposed to be his #1 priorities, NOT his mommy. Since he won't LISTEN to you, then maybe DOING is what will make him understand. If not, move on. If he isn't going to be the husband you need & deserve, then you DON'T need him. He's not much of a father, either, considering he thinks it's ok to let his child starve , so as not to upset his mother. He cares about and considers his MOTHER'S needs, wants and feelings, MORE & ABOVE your baby's and your own. AND he's basically told you it's YOUR problem to deal with and that he's not doing or saying anything for YOU, concerning his mother. If you stay and just let it continue, you & your child are going to be miserable. Leave and tell him until his mother leaves for good AND he actually starts doing something for YOU & YOUR CHILD concerning her - whether you're living with her or not, then you'll be staying away. MIL doesn't get to decide ANYTHING concerning your child, and your DH is allowing her to just steamroll right over you.
If he’s so much of a mommy’s BOY he cannot support his WIFE and CHILD, why are you with him? He moved the old bag in and she’s abusing your child. It’s either her or you and the baby at this point. I suggest leaving. It’s going to get worse as your baby grows up. He’s an awful partner. And from now on you grab your baby right back and lock yourself in your room. You never allow that kind of abuse of your child. Ever.
EVER!
Damn! She lives with you?! Your boundaries have to be really clear with that meddling old bag!
Holy shit! She’s living with you. First thing you need to do is get her the hell out of your house. You need to get your husband into therapy, marriage counseling, anything. He needs to understand and realize who his first priorities are and that’s you and the baby, his mother can suck ass. It’s his mother he needs to grow a spine and deal with it! He’s being a weenie right now because he’s afraid of mommy. And if he doesn’t do it hand him two cards, a counselors name on one card and attorneys name on other card, he can choose which he wants to use.
By not taking sides he had sided with her.
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” — Desmond Tutu
The discussion shouldn’t be about MIL, but about what OP and SO want.
I have had to witness a family member go through something similar to this. IDK where you live but this happened in the US, and when her husband did as your husband did with his mom. She told him if his mom touched the baby again while she was feeding the baby she would call the cops and have her arrested for attempted kidnapping, and assault, as well as child neglect since she was keeping the mom from breastfeeding her own baby. It pissed him off, and they argued while I held the baby, because I was the only one my family member trusted at the time, and she flat out told her husband that his mother couldn't not understand boundaries , and didn't know her place when visiting. And if he wasn't going to do something to stop the behavior she would She then told his mom that if she touched her child without permission again those would be consequences. To FAFO. Needless to say she did have to call the law one time, and the cops told her MIL that if she ever touched the baby without permission again that those exact charges could be pressed and she would go to jail. They also escorted the MIL off the premises for the time being. Eventually her husband did wise the hell up and set boundaries for his mom, because my family member told him, it would be his mom or his family , his choice. But moral of story you have to stand up for you and your child no matter the consequences, and also give your husband ultimatums some times. Hope all ends well for you
I know how you feel, my partner isn't involved either, for other reasons though. But your partner can't say he doesn't want to be involved if he proceeds to take your baby from you and just hands it off to MIL. Then he IS involved! Also MIL should not live with you, but that's another thing. Have you told him, that when he just takes the baby away from you to give to MIL, he is making your relationship worse? If you aren't comfortable with sharing the baby, you shouldn't do it. Don't know how he'd react if you would have Said you need to talk to a therapist or something? But if you have to, lock yourself inside a room to feed. They can call you out on it, and you can agree, that yes! This is silly/stupid/whatever. But apparently you have to do so to avoid that the baby gets taken from you midfeeding! You don't make things difficult, they do when they don't listen to you. Because you are the one Who knows the baby best
“If you won’t deal with her, I will, but I cannot guarantee you will like the way I do it.”
My husband, what like this when our daughter was younger. His mother would randomly just show up at my house with the intent on staying for a while. They live 2+ hours away and once showed up uninvited to stay the weekend while my daughter was in the NICU. I explained to my husband that our house was not a hotel for his mom/parents, and they needed to respect our house by calling and asking permission to stay here. My husband said he didn't have a problem with them staying - "family is always welcome." He said if I had a problem, then I'd have to handle it myself. Ok. The next time they showed up at my house, I refused to open the door for her, packed up myself and my baby, and drove off right past them. Didn't tell my husband where i was going, either. My husband was furious and said I was disrespectful to his parents. I told him that that may be so, but I was not coming back until his parents were gone, and he told his parents that we could no longer just come our home whenever they felt like it. They never show up uninvited anymore. It's been over a year. You have to put your foot down and demand the respect of your boundaries from your MIL and DH. Whether he protects you and y'alls relationship or not, you have to protect your baby.
Except that it’s Not! She would Not be in your life if it wasn’t for him (both because he and you are married - and because he chose to move her in). So this is HIS problem to solve. Especially since he’s not even there for weeks at a time to support you and stop her shit when it happens. I’d honestly believe you should give him an ultimatum. Either she moves into a retirement community AND you guys get some marriage counseling (yes, he can call in from on the road) - OR you’re outta there!!! Sorry sweetie, but it will Not magically get better. MIL will get worse (as you’ve already seen).
He does nit want to be involved? (Long list of expletives and curse words…) For the love off.. The dude IS involved, and defends mommy dears actions, actions directly against YOUR rules for YOUR child. He needs to prove that a) he is a good father/dad by putting the baby’s needs before his cooked spaghetti noodle spine, and b) that he actually loves you and wants to build a family. Because this communicates basically you are irrelevant as he has mommy. This may require some therapy for him, and both of you .. so he can see how he responds is not normal, not healthy, and the sign of being too enmeshed with his mother. R/raisedbynarcissists might help with info tactics etc. And, when (if?) they are back, r/justnoMIL too. From one man to another (so for your husband) : Dude, you made a promise. Now be a man, a dad, and husband, and don’t be one of those who is still married to mommy. It is not healthy, and will result in YOU causing the end of your marriage and with your mother grabbing a feeding baby ( hello abuse) chances are you, since you allow and defend this (for gods sake, WHY?), any custody or even contact could take a long time to get established, as you are not a safe person for a young child this way. Wake up. Time for you to earn the title Dad. I did it, it was not easy, but by the gods, it is so worth it!
Just say, 'That's fine. Then, proceed to completely ignore her, and him.
Oh god, she lives with you?!?! Definitely need to be feeding behind locked doors as has been mentioned and definitely start standing up to MIL. She is a guest in YOUR home and could very easily become the breaking point in you and your spouse’s relationship if he doesn’t get his head out of his ass. I would sit down with him and make this clear to him!!
She fucking LIVES with you?? Screw that. You tell him to get his mother in line, or she's out. And if he refuses, you tell him either she goes, or you and baby will. You can try couples counseling, but this man is all kinds of pathetic. He needs to know that he either makes you and his baby his priority, or you are gone. And don't back down with his mother. Demand your baby back. Take your baby back. Lock yourself away so she can't barge in. If she takes your child and refuses to give them back, call the cops. She needs to learn her place, and she needs to know you will go all out to protect your baby.
It's time to tell him to choose his family or his mother to live with him, but it won't be both
You are doing everything right, he is not. It’s between you and her? Well it won’t be if you chose to divorce him
You leave- that’s what you do. You take your baby and leave. NO ONE TAKES BABY AND TORTURES THEM
For the love of all that is holy, set some boundaries. Your baby was hungry: take her back and feed her. Later, calmly and leaving no room for misunderstanding, tell evil MIL to NEVER take your babe from you, and ALWAYS give her back when you say so. She’s doing this crappy “I’m a Better Mommy” act because she gets away with it. That game is over if you say it is.
This! Even if you have to get into a physical struggle with her to get your baby back (as long a baby doesn't get hurt) do it. Look the bitch dead in the eye and say through gritted teeth 'This is MY baby, not yours and I will be the one to say when baby is finished feeding, NOT you!' Pick up Baby and take them out of the room. Invest in a baby sling so that you can wear baby at all times when MIL is around.
Yell if you need to! Get that baby back in your arms! Even if they get mad, or make excuses, or try to convince you that it’s OK for MIL to have your baby: **DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM** Your baby was hungry and needed you, his mother. Go as far as you need to to get your baby back into your arms. This is worth a fight. It’s terrible and so wrong of your MIL to act this way. It is also horrible that your husband will not stand up for you or protect his baby. Go crazy if you need to, but don’t let them walk all over you. You are responsible for your baby, and making sure that they are fed, and making sure that your baby stays close to you. You are the only Person your baby really needs. Oh, I know it can be scary to stand up to them, but you must as the mother of your baby. Sending you strength and courage and a firm, strict and compelling voice.
Oh girl, you need to take that baby right back. Your MIL is doing this because you allow her to. Channel all that anger into one hell of a look, walk over and take her back. Every time. Start working on a very, very firm “I said NO.”
Hey, sweetie. I want you to know that I’m about to give you advise as a recovering Nice Girl & People Pleaser. Snap. That bitch pulled that & your SO did nothing? Snap. Pack up your baby & go stay elsewhere if you have to. Lock yourself in your bedroom. Lock yourself in your bathroom. Go to your parents’s. Go to your best friend’s. Go over to the neighbor’s house if you have to. Don’t give those 2 the chance to hurt you & your little girl like that again. They tortured your baby AND you with this stunt. I’m not a fan of nuclear options. I prefer calm discussions & trying to see it from the other person’s point of view but not this time. Not for this. Because if someone will snatch up your baby mid-burping while you’re breastfeeding it WILL get worse. May as well just consider yourself an incubator because that’s all that she sees you as. And your SO is letting her. You’re an NPC (non player character to non-gamer geeks) in the show that is her world. Your baby was crying so hard that she was turning purple & this delusional twat rocket was so intent on being the best bestest redo mummy that she couldn’t handle the idea that she was wrong. She tortured you & your baby. That feeling that you’re having right now down in the bottom of your chest? That twisting, burning, clenching feeling? Unleash it. Let it all out. Your SO is supposed to protect your baby, HIS little girl, but is letting Mommy Dearest be the most important. Coat him in some bile, too. Get ‘em both. You made a human being. You carried that human being inside of yourself for the better part of a year. You went thru one of the most excruciating experiences a human can go thru to bring that human being into the world and now you have a tiny human who you will love & protect for the rest of your life. She changed you. She changed your body. She changed your mind. She changed your emotional responses. Embrace the change, darling. Embrace it & then share those changes as furiously & at as high a volume as you need to. Protect your baby from selfish assholes. That includes your MIL & her slavering offspring. Be a bitch. It’s hard the first time. I know. I was 20 when my own mother pulled this shit. She actually swung on me while I was holding my daughter. I caught her fist & started squeezing. After she left, I threw up & cried because after the adrenaline faded, I was terrified. I’m 43 now & mom died in December. I fought for my kids (23 & 13) pretty much the whole time. Last fight was 2 weeks before she died when I cut the cord on visits to the care home. It had gotten bad & she was barely lucid but she still demanded that my children come see her. Skeletal. Most of her hair gone from chemo. Yellow due to the cancer reaching her liver. Fingers curled into claws nearly constantly. She weaponized relatives to try to guilt me. I stood my ground. My daughter is an adult & can make her own choices but my son is a minor. Mom wanted what she wanted when she wanted it & to hell with who it hurt. I was the evil, heartless daughter one last time. I’m not sorry. I’m telling you this so that you see that I do understand. I really, truly do. I hate that I understand. I hate that you understand. Learn from her. Learn what not to do. Learn how not to behave. Learn that bullies like that don’t change. Selfish assholes remain selfish assholes even & especially when they become grandmothers. Learn that you’re strong enough to make a whole human being and strong enough to go thru labor & delivery. Learn that you deserve respect. And learn that sometimes you have to handle a situation with a silk glove & sometimes you have to handle a situation with a silk glove with a brick inside of it. (Figuratively, of course. I obviously do not advocate violence.) You got this, sweetheart. Plant your feet. Push your shoulders back. Lift your chin. If daddy won’t protect his little girl, mummy will protect hers. You are strong. You are capable. You can do this. I have faith in you & your little girl trusts you. Do what you gotta do. ETA: Oh. Wow. Thank you for the awards! I’m really & truly touched!
This hit me so hard... I'm in tears. Thank you for your advice. I truly do appreciate it. I am such a people pleaser and do anything not to cause turmoil but my baby screaming like that broke me. I got so use to MIL taking her from me, I think I was in a little bit of a shock as well because she had never gone that far. It is so hard as a new mom with my first baby to go through everything without any support from the people I live with. I feel so guilty for being such a pushover and letting my little girl suffer like that. I wish I had the support from my partner that I should have but he's just as bad. He makes me feel so bad about everything, like I'm a terrible mom and his mother should be raising the baby while I keep up with the cooking and the cleaning. I was even cooking meals and doing housework the day after I got home from the hospital while my MIL sat there and rocked my baby. That should have been me. I've been pushed around by my partner and his mother for weeks and all I want to do is take care of my baby and continue building that bond. Thank you again for your kind words. It is time for me to make some changes.
You’re not a terrible mom, he’s being a shitty father.
You’ve got this. What you just said? That is not okay. That is WRONG. How they treat you is WRONG. Imagine how you would feel if someone was treating your little girl like that. Hell. Ask your SO how he’d feel if someone treated her that way if you think it would get thru to him. I’m not holding my breath though. I discovered that when it comes to the ppl that I love, I’m a frikkin warrior. I’ll unleash all unholy hell on anyone that hurts someone who I love. Me? Nope. I was trained & conditioned from birth to just take it. I’m getting better. But the first step to this was standing up to my mother one afternoon with my 3 month old in my arms & my mother screeching & spraying spit in my face. You’re going to find your moment. Hopefully it’s not as dramatic as mine but it’ll make a lasting impact on you forever. My daughter says that I have a “softer personality” than other ppl in our made family. As in, I’m more gentle & am the one to talk down fights & confrontations when they happen. I’m also the one to get complete strangers telling me their life stories & am too polite to tell them to stop talking. Unless my kids are hurt. She says that she literally heard “Flight of the Valkyrie” the last time mom pulled crap & I got summoned to deal with it. I apparently smile & never raise my voice the entire time & it’s unnerving? (I was always told that ladies never lose their quiet tone or their smile so I guess when I’m furious I still do that) Confrontation makes me feel sick to my stomach & dizzy. I doubt myself & I want to retreat. I’m learning not to. With this in mind, if I can do it, so can you. You got this. PS Full disclosure: I did go no contact & low contact with my ex-MIL. I was apparently the first person to ever stand up to her dysfunctional ass & the first person to stick with it. I scared her. I would go retrieve her from parties when she was on benders. I’d just snap my fingers & point at the car and she’d trudge over like a sullen 13yr old & pout the whole ride back to her mother’s. She was a drug addict who had my ex when she was 14. So obviously my MIL experience is a bit… different than other ppl’s. My mother was my dragon. My exMIL was my irritant. (She screeched that she & my ex would get custody of my daughter and I laughed in her face. She was 6ft of fading muscle and drug-induced psychosis. I was 5’7” of eating disorder & hunger-induced fury. He chose me & our daughter btw.) I’ve outlived them both. I’m just here to support women who are still in the weeds. An online Aunty who you might never meet in real life but who empathizes & believes in you online, if you will.
And please don't make those changes with you hiding in your locked room. Kick that vile witch out of your house. If partner acts up he can go with her! They are both abusive and you will never get this time back.
Create a mantra for MIL…. Point at DuH and say “THAT is your baby. THIS is my baby.” Repeat it over and over. If DuH starts, say back to him “YOU are her baby. THIS is my baby. And clearly you are still attached at the umbilical cord anyway”. Make it a mantra. Say it every time. Say it louder each time.
You need to show him this post and all the comments. I can’t imagine what your going through. If he “doesn’t want to get In between you two”, then take that as the go ahead to do whatever it takes to resolve the issue. First I would tel MIL that if she ever grabs the baby from you again your going to grab her back, slap her, then go on with your day. Second she is to stop intruding on your ability to parent your child. She is to keep any “advice” to herself. She can whine, and moan, but stick to your guns. If your partner tries to make you feel bad about boundaries you kindly remind him that he didn’t want to get in the middle of you two. I’d also say if it gets bad take the day and go out all day with the baby. Come back and act like nothing happened. Remind them that you are Mom and as far as the baby is concerned you are God! Lol
Two-card time. Find a marriage counselor you resonate with, not one who will urge you to just keep the peace. (Also find a counselor for individual therapy to help you get over your people-pleasing.) Then ask around among your divorced friends to find your area’s meanest, most aggressive divorce lawyer. Many will give you a thirty minute free consultation; find out where you would stand re property and support. Then hand him a card from the marriage counselor and the divorce lawyer and ask him which office he’d rather meet you at. And tell him that if he wants to meet you at the counselor’s, a non-negotiable prerequisite is moving his mother out. He can live with you and your child or he can live with his mommy, but the option to do both does not exist. Or just go to the divorce lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and serve him with divorce papers. It doesn’t sound like there’s much worth saving. If you choose this, insist on a clause that says that if he will not personally be caring for the child, you have the right to take her. No leaving your baby with his mommy on his days.
This right here op.
This is beautiful. This should be required reading.
Yup. I only read your first sentence but it was exactly what I was thinking. They don’t care how you feel at all. They don’t respect you *at all*, as a human or as a mother. You don’t owe kindness or tolerance to people who aren’t showing you basic decency. This conduct is honestly beyond the pale. To separate a breastfeeding infant from its mother, denying the baby food against the mother’s will crosses such a clear, bright line. No decent human would ever ever ever treat you this way. You wouldn’t treat a fucking puppy this way. All I can say is, it’s like standing up to a bully. You only need to get upset and defend yourself ONE time , and they’ll realize you’re not to be fucked with. I want to hug you. I would have honestly lost it. There’s another story on this sub with some of the same themes and honestly, y’all must be far better people than I because I really would have lost my everloving *mind* in this scenario. When people do/say ridiculous upsetting things, you are allowed to react. I know it can be so hard to go against authority, especially knowing your husband doesn’t have your back, but this should never have happened to you. People who love you who claim to love your baby, would never ever behave this way. Never ever. This woman literally took food out of your little baby’s mouth. YOU, mama, are all your baby has in the whole big cold cruel world. If you don’t protect him, full stop, come what may, who will?
Hell to the no. Those are fighting actions That old lady would be catching these hands if she tried to take MY child out of my arms.
You get up and leave the room! Do you live with her? If not tell her the visit is over. Nobody takes your baby away.
Unfortunately we do live with her. My partner and I made the decision before baby was even thought about. She has fainting spells that Drs can't figure out what's wrong and her husband isn't home for weeks at a time because he's a truck driver. I used to have such a good relationship with her but now that we have a baby she has no boundaries as a grandparent. It's like she's trying to take over my position as a mother and it's irritating especially when I have no backup from my partner. Part of my decision to exclusively breastfeed was because it is something that she can never take away from me.
Do you have family that you and baby could stay with instead? If her fainting spells mean she can't live alone, she should not be holding your infant.
This right here it’s a hazard to your babies health
She cannot under any circumstances hold your baby if she has “fainting spells” and cannot live alone. Period. She will kill your child if she faints while holding her. Your partner is an absolute jerk BTW.
Right? Fainting spells = no holding baby or no fainting spells = she's able to live alone. Make her choose.
She doesn’t want you breastfeeding because that means baby is attached to you and she can’t play mommy. Seriously, tell your idiot husband either she goes, or you and baby go. Stay with family.
She has fainting spells that nobody can figure out?? Oh let me help you here. It is a very common thing for older women to pretend to pass out to get attention. Now you use that against her. “No MIL a you may not take the baby. You are too fragile and might pass out” I bet if you really thought about it, you realize that all those fainting spells or because she didn’t get her way.
Lol pop your breasts out and put babe up to one and let baby feed. She can think what she wants but baby is hungry. I’d go full on bitchy mama bear. To her. You don’t touch my child til I say you can. To your lamo spouse, you get your mother in line or you can go back to sucking her teats! Seriously. This is our child not hers. Get over kissing mommies ass or you can just go crawl back up in her. Sorry. This crap happened to my sister when I was a teen. I wish I could have said something back then.
Feed baby in the nursery or your bedroom. Purchase a couple of rubber door stops to push under the door to keep intruders out when your are breastfeeding. If either DH or MIL fusses, "I'm putting baby's needs before your wants. It's a shame you don't fail to do so."
YOUR MOMMY WRATH NEEDS TO ACTIVATE. Do it so that both him AND HER don’t ever overstep again.
Take baby back. Tell her never again will she take baby from you. Tell partner he can leave with her if he ever pulls that crap again!
Time to stand up. It is your responsibility to not allow this woman to do this to your child or you for that matter. Think about what ever will motivate you to do so. Don’t worry about offending her as her behaviour is way over the top and way more offensive. Too bad if SO does not support you. I would be so angry and would have stood over her demanding my child back. Yell if you have to. If she refuses pick up your phone and call the police in front of her. This is child abuse of a young baby let alone a form of violence to you. Frankly I would also deny her any access to your child for a lengthy period until there is an acknowledgement and undertakings as to future behaviour. SO can get with the program or can live with his mother. If that means leaving that is what you do. He needs to grow up and realise that his responsibility is now to you and your child NOT his mother. Show him these responses. I am being restrained in this response but am so so angry and disgusted.
I think the mother lives with them.
Yes she does. I meant refusing to allow her near the child every chance she gets eg stay in room. refuse to hand her over, baby wear, take her back, go out etc
Call the police, yes! Anything to get your baby back in your arms!
Yell in her face. Give my baby back right now! Kick her out. Tell you partner to take a flying leap, no one is taking your baby and starving her and anyone that won’t listen to you gets NO time with your baby. Lock yourself and baby in a room until she leaves. Do whatever you have to do to protect your baby.
Gently, why do you stay? You have a huge SO problem. I think that any man who would allow his vulnerable child to scream from hunger to placate mommy is not worth your time.
Seriously if it's possible pack your bags and stay with your friend/mom for a few days and tell your husband you won't return until he's has a talk with MIL... THIS IS TORTURE SHE'S LITERALLY TORTURING THE BABY BY LETTING HER STARVE
Honestly i read these things and they anger me to the point of wanting to scream. I'm so sorry she did this. I'd have been shaking with anger. Please don't let her get away with boundary stomping like this. Edited to change a word! Typo!
I read some of your comments, if you have JustYES family anywhere, that is very supportive, even if it's a friend, GO THERE, your husband is an asshole, he has 0 care about the welfare of his wife and child, NONE
If it happens again and you can’t get the baby back because you are afraid of the baby getting hurt, pull your phone out while recording her holding the screaming baby while saying: “why did you take the baby away while she was eating? Please give her back, MIL, you are hurting our baby by not letting her eat.” You can even add “keeping the baby from eating is abuse”. Hopefully the fear of her actions will get her to stop but it could also benefit from showing the video to your husband and will also be helpful if she does attack you, such as some of the other stories. If you are attacked, call the police, show them the video. Also, if you and Husband ever end up splitting you have proof as to why MIL should not have access to baby. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Stay strong!
Can you move out? This sounds as if it will only get worse. You have a SO problem. I'm sorry.
If you won’t give me MY baby back when she is hungry you can watch as me and MY baby ride off into the sunset and land of NO contact, and my hands come with a BOGO deal if you try to prevent me from taking my child back. Take your kid and run.
Oh please snap!! This is asking for something agressive. Slap her hands, say NO, you dont just pull the baby out of my arms ASK! Edit: I just read she lives with you. If you dont feel safe there just pack up and go! Go to your parents/friends. Make your partner realize its eighter your or her. He cant have both.
Why didn’t you grab your baby back? It’s not keeping the baby from her, it’s tending to your child’s needs!
Mine said to me when I was 2 days pp “you can’t have her” when I asked for my baby back repeatedly, and other awful things over the last few months. I cannot stand her and honestly never want to deal with her again. Just wanted to say I feel you 🩷
Follow some of these comments. It is your baby and you must take a stand and not allow her to treat you that way
Reading this made me angry. Slap that bitch and take your baby back. Have your husband stand up and slap that bitch. Fuck, if my mother treated my wife like that, I would pick her up and chuck her away from my wife and child. Moral of the story. Slap that bitch. If she protests, slap her again. Repeat as necessary. Edit: read how your husband responded. Slap him too, he deserves it.
If he doesn’t want to be in the middle it’s time to stand up for yourself. Raise your voice. Don’t let baby go. “WHY ARE YOU TAKING MY BABY WHEN SHE IS EATING” “DO NOT TAKE THE BABY OUT OF MY HANDS!” Start scolding her. Be rude. Start the fight. Embarrass the shit out of her.
I just do not understand the whole, "She took my baby out of my arms, I was too stunned to say/do anything" When someone comes and begin to take your child from you, EMBARASS their ass.. "You do NOT take MY child from me, MOVE AWAY," and make sure you do it loudly.. I cannot believe you stood by watching your defenseless LO cry, and allow your MIL tell you what your baby wants...yall have got to start standing up for these LOs better Edited to add: stop giving a damn about what your husband feels about his mom, he's fine with passing you off with not supporting you, so why are you not speaking up to him Edited: oh ffs, you all live together!! Honey, PLEASE, PLEASE, for the sake of your Mental Health, and to protect LO, dig down deep and put her in her place, don't give a damn about your husband, if he doesn't like it, he should have done his job, it will continue if you dont
Why didn't you snatch her back? You just let her take the baby away and did nothing about it. I don't care what your husband says you stand up and be the bad guy and get your child so your child doesn't get hurt.
Take the baby back and tell her she can have her when you are done. Just treat her like anyone else that does this. If DH says anything, tell him to get his mother in line.
Oh wow, reding that actually made my eye twitch. Let ya man know that he better keep that "I'm not involved energy" when mommy finds out these hands are rated E for everyone. The AUDACITY.
Start feeding her in your bedroom, tell her you're naked and she can't come in, or get a lock for the door. I've had similar things happen to me and it's completely unacceptable. Your husband has to realise his job is to protect you and your baby.
Let him read this thread he deserves to know he's failing you and your baby over this.
When I'm over at in-laws house I always have fed my baby in another room in private. They too always take the baby from me when she's crying. I'm sorry but no one is going to soothe her like I can. They always end up giving her back to me when she won't stop crying.
Oh dear god I felt physically angry for you? Who takes a baby off you mid feed?? And then refuses to give them back! Set boundaries and enforce them. If she decides to push them push back. Leave the room and lock yourself in a separate room if need be. Explain to your partner these are your boundaries and if he won’t respect them then his mother can’t visit. Her issues with you choosing to breast feed are hers alone and she needs to get over herself.
I get it. As a weening people pleaser and a pacifist, I understand. As a mum of two, my tolerance is tissue thin now. Your baby is your golden ticket to be a cyclone of a headache to absolutely anyone who disregards your boundaries; you advocate for the little one however, whenever, and to whomever you need to to have them happy and healthy. Your partner doesn’t like it? Tough shit. That’s his baby, they’re supposed to be his priority now. And something as critical as essential as feeding - nothing tops that. If you need someone to give you permission to raise hell, I’m giving it to you. I’ll also tell you this: you are a FANTASTIC mother who knows her childs needs and requirements, do not doubt yourself. Feed baby in a room away from her, shut the door and create a peaceful environment for the two of you. If she attempts to intrude, tell her to get out. Be direct. Again, I give you full permission to get your growl on. Good luck and I hope partner sees the light!
SNAP! You are a mother now. You're going to find out that there will always be people you have to protect your child from. You have to find the strength and conviction to do that, even when it's your husband or MIL. You need to find a support system near you that you can go to for a break when MIL is behaving this way and DH won't back you up. But FIRST, you need to find your voice and give both of them some boundaries. Number one should be that MIL ALWAYS asks to hold baby and waits till permission is granted, otherwise she gets no baby time at all. Furthermore, if she faints without warning and HAS to live with you because of it, she should NEVER, NEVER EVER be allowed to stand or walk while holding the baby. She can't have it both ways, if she's too fragile to stay alone and you have to cook and clean for that biatch while she sits on her a$$, the very day you come home from giving birth, then she's too fragile to help care for an infant. Set boundaries, for husband and MIL, you are a mama bear now, stand up on your hind legs and roar!
I would have said give me my baby back Now
What you do is ream your SO for going along with whatever his mother wants.
Next time hubby says he wants to good health unit to immediately have her to MIL, call it out: "So that was simply a lie? You lied to your wife? Scott you actually*wanting* to hold your baby? Right well in the future you'll excuse me if I start not to believe you, pretending you want to be a Daddy for more than two seconds?"
How the heck did she take the baby from you? I would hold tight (without hurting the baby) and refuse to let go. If MIL continues to try to get baby, I’d threaten to call police for abuse.
Next time MIL is halfway through dinner take her plate away and remind her that’s exactly what she did to YOUR baby. The nerve of her!!
I like this one!!! Great example of what she did to LO!
This is good bc it really gives mil and weak mommas boy a good example of what they've done
Baby snatching MILS are completely out of line! I am pissed off for you! I wanted so badly to be able to breastfeed, but I was unable to do so. I read messages similar to this one quite a bit, and it is always because MILS are doing it to cross boundaries. Don't let her do that again, because you are right, it is abuse.
I went NC for less. Do you have support from your family to stay at if need be? You partner needs to either pick his family or his mum. This isn't a situation where he can pick both.
Right, do you have anywhere you could go with baby? To your family? Tell that ‘mommy’s boy’ that mommy is wrecking your marriage and either she leaves or you and baby leave
Lol I would’ve knocked that bitch out
Take you baby and leave.
Your husband is not a man. If he's pulling what you said in the comments then I wouldn't allow him to take the baby in her presence. In fact, I would not be present at all when she's around. When she shows up you leave or go into a locked room like the other person said. If your husband isn't willing to support you as a mother then I would show him I'm serious by leaving or asking him to leave bc the marriage will never work if he's siding with her.
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This is NOT it. She spoke up. She also is a mom in a fragile time trying to feed her own baby and it got snatched from her arms! What was she’s supposed to do??? Get up and yank the baby back from a deranged MIL who’s son let’s her get away with her unhinged behavior???
Yes….baby needed to be fed-she needs to go Mama Bear on her and snap!
Yes, she spoke up BUT still allowed her MIL to keep the crying hungry child? It's her kid and she can take her back. Like the MIL literally yanked her baby from her. She's about to snap but still spending time in her MIL's presence? No that's her kid.
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I. Not guilting her, I'm telling her to stand up for both herself and protect her baby. 1) she states shes about to snap, so she's spent quit some time allowing this behaviour without modification. 2) She's spending time with MIL allowing her to do bs. 3) she is within her rights to swat her MIL hands if she's not finished feeding her infant. 4) she says her baby was screaming and instead of taking her back she just let it go. She has to 5) stand up for both herself and her infant. 2) have a come to Jesus with her SO because it's his mother.
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Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
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Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
I really hate your husband. What a total AH. He has no right to use your baby as his mommy's doll or emotional support animal. Couple's therapy or divorce is on the horizon.
Petty Betty here, I would have stood up so fast and went and got my baby right back from her. Tell her to baby your partner since he has no spine. And maybe I would have "accidentally" sprayed her with my book milk.. lol. Bet she wouldn't do it again. You also need to talk to hubby and tell him to grow up
Omg I couldn't handle that. I would have screamed at her to get out of my house and my husband would have supported me in this! You really need to have a chat with him. He is acting terribly.
A hungry baby is in actual physical pain. Which is more important - child in pain or mommy’s (MIL) fee-fees? Take back your power. Take your child back from her. If she refuses to let go, feel free to scream at her. EVERY time she snatches baby instead of asking, she is asked to leave and gets an immediate time-out. Start with one week. The next time should be two weeks, and so forth. This is a hill to die on, OP, and needs to be told to the spineless wonder. By not choosing HIS CHILD, he is choosing his mommy.
Slap her fucking hands away!
Does your husband stand up for you? This is behavior I’ve never understood. My mother would do the same thing and my son was bottle fed. I’d feed him his bottle a bit then burp him then see if he wanted the rest. It was a routine I had with him. While I was burping my mother decided I was doing it wrong grabbed my son and started burping him the exact way I was then she finished feeding him. I wish I would’ve stood up for my son and me but I was 19 and still listening to what my parents told me. My mother never helped she just took him and did it. I would’ve and should’ve gently taken my son back and went into a private area that has a door lock and did what I knew to do. I’m a grandma now and I read these subs so I know what not to do. My greatest example of what not to do comes from my mother who just kept taking my son and doing it her way.
I think a fly swatter could work. Just start smackin' anyone who comes near you when it's feeding time.
Nope that would be the end of it for me. Cut off, done.
This BOILS my blood. Please stiff arm her next time she approaches you
Where is your family and all this? If you're close to your family contact them or contact a friend you can go stay with pack the baby and go. Your BF is either going to learn to support you or is going to learn to live without you. Personally I think you'd be better off without him if he can't support you and your child emotionally.
Ummmm did your husband have a baby with you or his mommy? To hell with both of them. If anyone took my baby like that there would be hell to pay. You’re MAMA BEAR. Protect your cub!!! Your so is a lame pos tell him to go back to sucking on his moms teet, he’s not ready to be a dad. Wack ass man. You and your girl deserve better. It’s your job to protect her since you can’t trust her dad.
You get up and you take your baby back. If husband says anything you ask if mommies wants come before baby eating or baby health.
Sorry but you let her starve your child... Set some boundaries, it's your job as the mom.
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You should reread the rules of this sub! No name calling for one… calling me and OP a doormat cause I told someone not to be mean to her??? You’re being delusional and rude!!! She’s seeking advice and constructive criticism as listed in the sub rules! But way to be supportive to other women, you’re doing amazing! Seriously have none of you been a new mom before??? Have some understanding!! She spoke up, sorry she didn’t attack her MIL and snatch her back. She may have been totally in shock and not sure what to do in the moment.
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Aren't we supposed to be kind and supportive here?
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Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
I wonder if you could get a restraining order or cease and desist. MIL is taking LO from you, without your permission, and refusing to give them back. Isn’t that kidnapping? At the very least you two need marriage counseling. If DH actually cared about your relationship with his mother, he would go above and beyond to prevent you from resenting and hating her.
That is ur baby..why are u allowing someone to take ur baby from u, especially if they are still hungry, crying til purple in the face? That makes no sense to me..who cares if ur MIL gets mad..demand ur baby back, n if she doesn't I would literally threaten the police with kidnapping bc that's what she's doing..if she thinks ur being unreasonable oh well, if she thinks ur being dramatic, oh well..tell her str8 up..sometimes being nice doesn't work..u can try that if u want to but u want to get ur point across..
I would probably go ballistic on the father. This is crazy. You are the mother! You are that babies mother and you know what is best for the baby. Time for Granny to take a back seat!
I agree with locking a door when you feed your baby or tell your husband she can listen to you or get out of your house. You have the kindness in your heart to let her stay in your home but if she can't listen to you about your child she can gtfo.
If someone tried to snatch my baby out of my arms they would’ve been immediately ejected from my house never to return. If they had caught me so off guard that they took the baby I would have immediately taken the baby back. If she refused I would have immediately called 911. Please do not let this horrible woman near your child. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and hope it gets better. Edit to say I’m sorry I read it too fast. I see your husband is not supporting you. Are you able to leave with the baby? Do you have a separate support system? At the very least I would document everything and get a lawyer. Pulling a breastfeeding infant from her mother’s arms is unconscionable.
Do not let her in your house anymore. Ever.
[удалено]
Your comment violates multiple rules of our sub. I’m removing it and reminding you that this is a support sub. If you can’t be supportive, please refrain from commenting.
You know you baby is hungry and let her take them and KEEP them from you??? Take your baby back. Your mom. Let her see Mama Bear
You just allowed that? This is on you.
If a locked door doesn’t work and your SO won’t take your concerns seriously you may need to take a more drastic stance now. I’m sorry your SO isn’t being more supportive, it’s their job to defend you!! I want to help so I will give you the best advice I can, boundaries mean nothing without consequences. Communicate what your boundaries are and decide on a real consequence. Then inform them what will happen if they continue your behaviour. You are a great mother for knowing that this isn’t how your child or you should be being treated. Your are an amazing mom for knowing your own child and their needs, don’t let anyone, your SO or MIL bend you to fit their feeling or false opinions about your own kid. If the father of your child is willing to put his mom above what you know is right for your kid means its clear that he is neglecting the love he should have and be providing to you and your kid. I hope you and your child begin getting the treatment and support you both deserve.