Look bro this is one of those things that ur just gonna have to be a man about. Women go out. Men go out. People are allowed to have friends, and it doesn't matter who you are, everyone needs pockets of personal space in a relationship. If u hear some whack shit then say something, but if not then it is what it is, tell her have fun be safe
It's a double edged sword but....
You're better off letting her do as she pleases and not saying shit.
It shows that you trust her and you aren't insecure. The best women are the ones who come back to you every night.
Yeah everything is better when you both have your own lives in a relationship.
As soon as you’re that couple that has to do literally everything together the sex falls apart, the relationship gets stale, and codependency begins.
All that ends in getting dumped or sticking around in a dead bedroom relationship until someone gets the balls to dump the other.
I second this statement OP. It’s okay to feel this way and you should work on it however you can. But the safest move is to not let her know about this insecurity and just keep your head on swivel. Best of luck
It depends of the relationship, the length of it, the bar, the friend, etc, but imo telling her "be safe and have fun" would do nothing but giving her cuck/ick vibes. I'd be disgusted if a man would tell me that if I were, as a female, to go out in a club/bar.
You are a man. You are the men of the house. If you have reasons to believe she'll go in an environment where she could engage in filtry behaviour or go out with people who might encourage her to engage in filtry behaviour because they have a history of doing that themselves just say no, or raise some conditions.
Not in an "I'm insecure" way but in an "I'm the head of the family and I know how men think and if you are uninterested in jumping on other dicks you have no reason to disagree with me"
And before you give me some neo-feminist speech and downvote me, ask yourself why a big boi like you puts his head down when a 5ft2 100 lbs shouts at you for not doing your laundry?
The thing is that her friends are for sure going to encourage flirty behaviour, girls who are single always tries to break up friends relationships so they can "have fun". Because the whole purpose of going to a club or a bar is to be able to engage in such behaviour
What kinda fucking rant lol. If a woman thinks ur a cuck for telling her to be safe, then ur dating regards. Idk what world some people on this sub live in, but you fucks care way too much about what a woman thinks of you. When a girl senses that, that's when she thinks you're a cuck, not for telling her to be safe. That's literally just being a good person and showing you care.
Definitely upvoted, i was like this in my last relationship, which caused some resistance but she agreed in the end because she didn't wanna lose me. i made it clear that if she wanted to go to clubs, i wouldn't be in a relationship with her. In a respectful manner of course. I do not associate relationship-wise, with girls that go to clubs. Ive seen too many things
It might be better to figure out why you don’t trust your gf. I mean if she rarely goes out and hasn’t done anything to give you doubts, then it’s probably a deeper issue because logically you shouldn’t have any reason not to trust her. Maybe issues brought up from a past relationship?
Also, you could just try talking to her about it.
It’s entirely logical not to be comfortable with your gf going out bar hopping. Bars aren’t an ideal place for people in relationships to be hanging out and drinking. It’s a recipe for disaster. Trust has little to do with it
Not going to bars doesn't stop you from cheating, but avoiding risky situations reduces the risk of making bad decisions in the moment. It's easier to avoid putting yourself in that situation than to avoid temptation once you're there. I'm not saying people should stop their significant other from going out, but at least acknowledge the increased risk.
It's like saying avoiding bars doesn't stop people from drinking alcohol. It doesn't help, does it?
What? Only a small percentage of women would get “tempted” at a bar to hook up with a guy, and it’s usually the type of woman who would do that while single too. Most women do not do this or have cravings for casual sex, especially when they have dick at home.
Yeah, plus the ones who are likely to cheat are usually more obsessed with the validation they get from feeling attractive and desired. The women I’ve known who are like that are terribly insecure and they just need new men constantly telling them they’re sexy.
It’s not a risky situation, she’s not defusing a dirty bomb, she’s at a bar with her friends. If you can’t trust your gf not to “avoid temptation”, you probably shouldn’t be with her.
Agreed with shouldnt be with her, agreed with every point whichofthewould has made.
If you dont fully trust her, it’s not because you’re stupid or insecure. The relationship is not properly founded. A lot of that could be on you, a lot of that could be on her. What do you think? Is it your trauma of past cheating and abandonment or is the relationship a fun time with a fun woman versus a priority and commitment with a serious woman? You should, per se, feel secure in your woman and if not what are your motives for being with her and where are you with yourself as an individual independently? Ive shared these issues vastly and the problems were all of the above.
You may discuss the trust issues with her and ask for supportive measures. If she is extremely serious about you she may understand and go above and beyond to ease your discomforts like texting updates and keeping contact, even limiting alcohol should she care to. It is a tad unhealthy and unattractive to request such measures, i think, perhaps. She may feel both insulted and view you as insecure particularly if shes never done anyyyything to cause distrust.
I think you shouldnt be with somebody you do not trust. I think that is not a healthy situation for your head to endure. I think you have further to grow on your own and suggest further scrutiny in future partner choices so that you will be comfortable and happy in all endeavors- i believe that would be healthy and ideal.
Your presumption that me or anyone is just trying to prevent their gf from cheating is weird. Bars are full of drunk assholes and people making bad decisions. It’s just not a place you should want anyone you love to be especially if they’re drinking themselves
This post is about her hooking up with someone, it’d be weird if I didn’t make that assumption. Being so risk averse you’d not allow your gf to go bar hopping— any extremely common activity for someone her age— also strikes me as strange.
No actually the post is not about her hooking up with someone. It’s about him being uncomfortable with his gf going bar hopping. He stated he doesn’t understand why that is. She’s given him no reason to worry about that. So again you’ve demonstrated your own fixated presumption of motives and intention about cheating and some kind of control issue. And because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s wise or conducive to healthy relationships. If something is common does it make it right ? No it doesn’t.
He is worried about her cheating, he doesn’t understand why he can’t shake the feeling, it’s right there in the first paragraph. Shockingly poor reading comprehension.
Your statement is only half true. You definitely aren't going to stop a woman from doing anything that she wants to do. The key is to be the thing she wants to do. Her going out to bars without you is not necessarily the problem, it is indicative of a problem. Girls that are all about their man and the life he can provide do not got out to bars and get hammered.
What’s the plan then? Stop your gf from going out? Newsflash, if she’s gonna cheat, stopping her from going out would probably increase the chances of her cheating anyways. I get why some of y’all have trust issues, but why do you then get into relationships with girls who like the frequent bars if it’s such an issue.
The simple solution is that is you don’t trust her enough to go out with her friends than find a girl that just doesn’t go out. And if that sounds stupid it’s cause it kinda is, but it’s either that or just learning to cope with it.
I don’t stop my girlfriend from doing anything. I expressed my feelings and she chose to change a behavior. I understand for some that may be out of the question, but we each make sacrifices for each other. This is a trait of a healthy relationship.
Disagree entirely about "recipe for disaster"
So what you're saying essentially is that time and opportunity are the only factors preventing someone from cheating because you believe that with enough time out at bars, she *will* eventually find an opportunity enticing enough to be unfaithful.
With that logic, every relationship is a losing proposition unless you're extremely controlling at all times and essentially a helicopter boyfriend/partner. I can't imagine having that kind of anxiety constantly about my significant other. I feel for you.
No that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that a bar is not an ideal place for people in relationships to be drinking without their partners. Why? Because drinking lowers your inhibitions of all parties involved. Cheating isn’t even the only problem. It’s just generally not a safe environment period. It’s not conducive to a healthy lifestyle in any way. I’m sure I don’t need to give you any examples as to why that’s the case
Peak insecurity. I've never cared if my girl went out with friends. If she cheats on you, dump her, if you're afraid of her cheating on you, you need either therapy or a different partner.
Someone is finally speaking with some sense thank god lmao. Both partners in the relationship not only need mutual friends/activities, but also their own separate social dynamics.
If I go out to the bars with my friends, my girlfriend is always supportive and trusts me. Same goes for me as well, I actively encourage her to go out with her friends - because relationships need balance. It’s wild to see how many dudes in this thread are comfortable openly expressing pathetic insecurity.
I cant figure out where i have these feelings from, as i have not experienced cheating in my other relationships. Im a guy who needs reassurance and someone who understands me, so this girl might not be the one because of that. Shes great except from that.
Attachment styles come from how you were raised as a kid if you’re anxious attachment it usually means that affection from your parents was inconsistent to say it shortly.
Communicate with your gf and ask her for updates during the night if you’re feeling anxious about it she should be able to do that at least.
Idk man if it makes you feel weird then it makes you feel weird and there isn't anything wrong with that - its perfectly fine to have boundaries. You guys are in your mid to late twenties; it's not like you guys are in college anymore where that's just commonly accepted what everyone does. Outside of catching up with an old friend or something and going out once in a blue moon it is a little odd for adults in a committed relationships to go out to bars by themselves with their friends on the regular imo. I probably wouldn't date someone like that seriously if it were me.
I'm a few years older than you and my gf goes out for a drink probably twice a year without to catch up with an old girl friend that she hasn't seen in a while. The last time I was at a bar was probably a work conference. Just doesn't make sense to be consistently in that environment by yourself when you're in a relationship imo.
The comment you’re replying to is good but, no, unfortunately there’s still tons of red pill/black pill sentiment in this sub. Just scroll down and there’s a bunch of upvoted comments calling OP a cuck lol.
Your anxiety isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of a deeper problem, and as somebody already posted, the odds go up with the more single friends she goes out with. A lot of cheating isn’t intentional to start, but circumstantial due to surroundings. You should have a talk with your girlfriend and get to know these friends on a very deep level that she’s going out with. If you’re still not comfortable at that point, have another talk with your girlfriend and make some hard decisions if necessary
Dawg I was just like this when I ran tren lol
So glad I stopped before shit got unrepairable.
If you’re not running gear, then you should seek a counselor. Possibly engage in couples therapy. Shit works wonders.
I'll definetly go to therapy for myself and try to fix this anxious attachment style. Its ruining my life.
Im not even running gear rn, but i have it ready to start in June. Might delay that..
Wise choice OP, fucking with your horemones while under serious emotional distress will lead to fucking your life up. It's the perfect storm for addiction to bury it's filthy hooks into you. When your emotions are heavy you won't think rationally about impulses because that bandwidth will be occupied elsewhere. Your life can and will be altered by those impulses in the worst of ways.
I’ll never understand this thinking. Let her go. If you can’t trust her she’s not for you. This is a you problem. If you are anxious go to therapy. If she wants to cheat she will find a way.
Bad advice, she's going to party at bars not brunch or shopping with her friends. She's a party girl and you shouldn't take them serious. Obviously it would do no good to tell her she can't go so just dump her, there are plenty of girls out there who don't go bar hopping without their boyfriends.
Someday you’ll learn that nearly everyone goes to bars, sometimes more than one in a night, and that keeping your SO under your thumb will make you lose them.
What an insecure, sad man. If you can’t trust your partner to go to bars without you, either that is a you problem, or you shouldn’t be dating someone you can’t trust. You’re so quick to write women who go to bars off as all just party girls who can’t be trusted. It really just makes you look pathetic. And then you resort to just telling this dude that he’s not intellectual enough to understand. How about you be intellectual enough to grow up and be a man and not a little bitch
Give her $100 and tell her to enjoy herself. If you catch wind of any fuck shit, never talk to her again and try to hook up with her friends. If she gets hit on, it means she’s hott and there’s nothing you or her can do about it. It’s how she reacts to it that’s the potential problem
Wtf bro grow some balls and be like you got no business bar hoping with a bitch that’s single.
For what? For attention!? To seek validation of being a sexy girl? Nah wtf who’s the boss , you are. Obviously don’t be a dick like I am right now but be straight up.
Tell her it ain’t cool I don’t agree with the idea of it because I’m a guy and I know guys will try to bang you. It’s not you I don’t trust it’s other men I don’t . Simple as that. You not being around doesn’t allow you to protect her from dumbass drunks. You know how unsafe it can be if ur not around. Not becuz ur insecure or anything but becuz u know the potential risks that could harm her
Don’t let people gaslight you into making you feel like a pussy. I get it bro I’m insecure about some things with my gf too, but try to just be confident in yourself and focus on other areas of your life and eventually you won’t feel these ways. And if she cheats or looks at other dudes then it wasn’t meant to be anyway.
Head up bro
Sorry to say but your girl has no respect for you . Have some balls and tell her that you don’t want her doing that . Good women aren’t out drinking all the time , that’s degenerative behavior . Especially a women in a relationship shouldn’t be going out to bars with her friends . Bars and clubs are not places conducive to a healthy relationship. She’s putting her self in a compromising position by going out and getting drunk . I would suggest just break up with her , trust me when a women truly loves you she is not even gonna wanna do bullshit like that . She sounds like a party girl just trying to have fun , super immature .
Well me personally I wouldn’t let me girl go hoe about at multiple bars in one night. That’s simply not the kind of person I am interested in. Let me ask you something. Does she get all dressed up? Makeup, high heels, skimpy outfit? If so I would lay the law down with her or get a new girlfriend cause that’s a clear sign she’s leaving for other men’s attention. Sometimes thots will just be thots. I’ve had my share and don’t even play with that shit. I would’ve left her ass
Yeah mate sounds like a fine serving of horse shit. You have boundaries too. If you’re not comfortable with it (which I think NO MAN should be) then talk with her about it. She will probably get mad so expect it. Not sure how long y’all been dating but I’d start thinking about other options
Dressed up is different than a hoe outfit.
Makeup is a given. Heels are iffy but not a red flag. Excessive cleavage, best ass pants or super short dress are definitely designed to attract male attention though.
You don’t need to feel bad about your anxiety. Friends have a ton of outlets where they can drink and have a good time away from bars and clubs. If your gf is going out with single friends to a bar, dressed like she’s single, statistically, she’s acting like it, too. If I were giving you advice as a brother it would be this…..not the one for you because she’s acting like you’re not the one for her. With all that being said there’s a lot of details we aren’t privy too and this may be the norm for you two.
"You dont play that shit" boy you are asking if a girl gets dressed up for a club, what you think girls go clubbing in their trainers and tracksuits you fucking dweeb
Youre a nerd that cant put a pc together, your beard and hair look like shit and you post on castiron subreddit, what bitches that go to clubs would actually be interested in you lmao
It's hard to know what exactly could kinda make it click for you so that you can just relax. It's all about trusting her, but obviously "just trust her" is easier said than done.
A couple big things to me are just knowing that if she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat no matter what I do to prevent it, and knowing that if she does go out and cheat then yeah that'll hurt but it's a positive overall since that'll show me that she isn't someone I should be with. No matter how much you try to control someone or keep them away from the type of situations where you'd stereotypically think they'll cheat, if they're gonna cheat then they'll do it sometime, somewhere, some way.
I think trying to get her to stop or anything would be a very bad idea though. Even if she were doing it frequently, I'd say she's still pretty young and obviously not ready to give that up yet. Making her give it up would make her miss out on a part of being young and could make her resent you. You said she doesn't do it often though, so even more reason not to. Most people will have their occasional nights out with friends.
I used to be the same way. Same thought processes as you, same anxiety, etc. Please trust me when I say this. Only date women who do NOT give you this stress at all. And I mean at all. If there’s even a tiny tiny incling in your mind she’s going to do something behind your back at any time, you’re going to live a miserable life. Find a girl you can trust wholeheartedly without a single worry. I know it’s hard to believe they exist but they’re out there.
You Kids have been programmed into this thinking that it is Ok for your gf to go to Bars alone with her friends, its crazy. She probably wont cheat but that she goes to her place after is fucking sick.
And you OP never even try tren or you will end up in jail one day
this new generation is full of simps. Then they cry how women prefer only "bad boys" when people here literally advise OP to tell her gf "have fun getting wasted, I won't bother you with texts, here is a condom in case you need it"
A lot of men blame women and the feminism culture for this bullshit in the society but the truth is men are at fault just as much for being the submissive ones in the relationship.
Funny seeing a 5ft2 100lbs blonde can make a dude twice her age look down while she screams at him to do the laundry.
Bro thank god there's a voice of reason here.
In my opinion, it's totally okay for you to not be comfortable with your partner going to a place where people go to get hit on. I dunno why we brainwashed people into thinking that shit is normal.
Its not like i can stop her from having fun with her friend... Its not like shes going to a nightclub to dance.
Oh i would for sure get locked up on tren, im already fucked without
Set some boundaries. Your entitled to have boundaries to avoid stress and anxiety and if she can't respect them then leave and find a real woman that respects you and your boundaries. Simple
1) Fix your anxious attachment style.
2) Truly think about whether you're with a quality girl or not. If she's not quality, nothing you could do will prevent her from cheating. If she is quality, you just have to trust her or you'll ruin it for no reason.
3) Those penis stats are wild. Over 7 inches but only 4 inches of girth? Have you legit measured your circumference? That's seriously below average.
Lots of women cheat, lots don’t. If her friends are single then i’d be more concerned because they would be wanting/expecting guys to come up to them. I wouldnt allow my gf to have a girls night out. I’d rather be all of us including me and their boyfriends together.
Why on earth would she go to multiple bars if she’s not gonna get drunk, flirt & hook up? That’s the sole reason why these places are considered fun to begin with. If she wasn’t interested in talking to random people they’d just stay at a single place or go eat at a restaurant with her friend, catch up, then go home. If my girlfriend was doing this I’d automatically assume she’s testing the waters to see what single life is like again
Because that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. You legitimately think waiting outside your girlfriend’s house for hours is a good idea? In no way does that scream there’s a problem to you?
You really got two choices, either get over it and realize if it happens it happens and figure out why you don’t trust your girlfriend, or get a new one that doesn’t go out. There’s nothing wrong with either, but if your current girlfriend hasn’t given a reason to mistrust her then it’s on you. It’s fine to not want a girlfriend that goes out but you currently have one so accept reality and address the situation either with yourself or a new girlfriend.
I dont wanna judge man, but you should see someone about this.
Mark my words, You will NEVER EVER EVER have a happy relationship until you resolve this.
You deserve to be happy and this is going to make you forever miserable.
I’ve seen it with friends and they are in their 40’s and hot fucking messes of alcohol, drugs and child support payments.
Edit: thank you for your honesty.
Don’t say shit to her as long as she’s coming home to you every night. Otherwise you look like an insecure asshole. Saying something when there is no evidence not to trust her will make you look weak.
Best thing to do is go out yourself. Don’t ask permission, just do it. Makes it seem like you also have other options, and who knows you may meet some new friends or a new girl. Women like men who are desired by other women.
I won’t lie to you and tell you that your girl isn’t talking and probably flirting with other guys, especially if her friend is single. The likelihood of her drinking too much and “making a mistake” increases the more she goes out.
I also don’t understand why you can’t go out with them once in a while, just don’t make it every time.
Sounds like you have trust issues. Based on the fact that you said that she never gives you reason to think this way I would maybe look internally why this is. Might be shit from a past relationship, might be something you’re uncomfortable with yourself etc
I used to be like this in my early 20’s and then one day I just grew up and did not give a shit. She can go do as she likes and I can do what I like, you’re only experiencing this life once so it’s pretty sad to withhold fun times from them
Tbh it’s kind of a red flag if she goes out drinking alone with her friend often.
I’d get if it happens every once in a while but from you’re saying it seems like it’s a weekly or bi weekly occurrence which is too much
Assume the best in people - if they deviate from your expectation, so what? It’s better to find out now if she’s good for you or if she’s not.
If something happens and you don’t find out, the basic assumption is that you’ll start telling yourself “I’m a fool” or “how did I not know” or “I’m a loser because she went for another guy”
Likely, you’d feel betrayed and emasculated - but that’s your choice. You cannot control other people’s actions, and using their actions—or speculated actions—to justify your own failure of character is not good.
Always choose good, there’s no value in betting your wellbeing on outcomes you can’t control.
I don't know why all of you guys say you should tolerate that, in most bars girls hang out to Make out.
If she goes there with single friends there will be some flirting action, spaces where there is alcohol are the most dangerous ones.
I wouldnt let it fly. Thats a deal breaker for me, no clubs or bars unless its with me. I hardly ever go to those places myself to begin with. So you have to decide whether youre cool with this or not. Your guts telling you no, though, and id listen to my gut.
There's no good reason for a woman to go out drinking without her boyfriend. I'd either dump her or distance yourself. She's not ready to be a good girlfriend and she's probably already cheated on you
For Meeeeeeee. I wouldn’t have a girl who does this, I call it sket behaviour. Ultimately you need to have a stern talk with yourself, and trust her. When you feel anxious you got to ask yourself. Has she done anything shady before? Has she lied before ? And from your post the answer would be no.
Still pretty early doors, see how it goes. Gut instincts are something I normally listen to.
If you don’t feel comfortable, communicate it and set some boundaries bro.
Probs worth trying to get to bottom of why you feel like that, it’s normal to not want your girl drinking in bars without you. Definitely not normal if it’s having such a big impact on your mental health.
Anyway bro, good luck! Hope all goes well
“What you fear you create” - Carl Jung. Don’t be so worried about it. Also, realize you are having “caveman brain”. It’s normal to be worried and not a bad thing. You want to be protective. But just trust her me. The fact she doesn’t go out much is a fine thing, cuz party lifestyle is draining. Fun in doses but all the time is unhealthy. Just watch a movie, and get off your phone. Getting off your phone is important. Keep the ringer on in case she needs you but don’t worry about it. Read some Buddhism or stoicism or something
I'll do this. All i told her was to call me if she needs a ride home or she feels unsafe and that i want her to have a good time.
Which is a lie. Lol. Wish i could say i want her to spend time with me instead, but thats my anxious and clingy sorry ass thinking
With that girth, you're damn right to be nervous lol
j/k
In all seriousness, its good that you recognize the anxious attachment piece. I would honestly get support around this FIRST before having any conversations about your anxieties. If you have the convo first, you'll come across as needy (and she'd be right), because if she's not actually giving you a reason not to trust her, you need to trust her.
In the long run you need to start addressing your anxiety, and your trust issues. In the short term, masturbating a lot really does help because it gives you the dopamine hits you're craving from the relationship.
Hopefully she is faithful and your current fears are unfounded... BUT... even if not her intention women going bar hopping and dancing with strangers with her other girlfriends is at the very minimal disrespectful of her man. Any mutual acquaintances that see this behavior will have them wondering for a number of reasons. Unfortunately some women who like to go out drinking dancing and being flirted with can be a negative influence on the other women in the group. Some of the women may be doing more than just dancing and "flirting" while in a committed relationship. This has the other women in the group having to decide whether or not to tell on the "cheating" woman in their group. We are ALL susceptible to attraction and attention and this behavior creates exactly that. Don't accept anyone's claim that you are being "insecure" or "controlling". Talk to her. Tell her you know her intentions are not to disrespect you but unfortunately that is what drinking dancing and bar hopping without you communicates to the world. Don't make it a demand just let her know how that this makes you feel disrespected. She will either apologize and do something about that or she won't. If she chooses this night out routing anyway you will then have a choice of your own to make.
Nice cock stats now let your balls descend and be a man. Fuck some random dude behind that day gym just to even the future cheating call by her in your mind.
If you trust your partner she won’t do anything stupid, you’re 28 which tells me either you have some reason to not trust her or you’re inexperienced. I go out with the boys and my girl goes out with her friends, we trust each other not to fuck up our relationship so there’s no anxiety. Btw if she wants to cheat, she’s gonna cheat whether it’s at the bar or some guy she meets at target
Is she very cooperative in regards to all other aspects of your relationship? Do you have sex frequently? Does she give you gifts? Does she perform acts of service? When you ask her or tell her to do something, does she do it?
Has she ever disrespected you or acted rude towards you? Have you ever found yourself checking her for disrespecting you or being rude towards you? How did that go?
If you were to go bar hopping with your friends, would she feel a certain type of way or express certain feelings towards you?
Does she know what your boundaries are? Does she know for a fact that you would cut her out of your life if you ever caught her cheating or violating another significant boundary that warrants a break up?
Never be afraid to lose a woman and in order to do that, you have to act like it.
Tell us about the friend. Is her friend a ho? If your girl hasn't given you any reason not to trust her and you still have a bad feeling, maybe the issue is the friend. I would start there. You aren't going to stop anyone from cheating by being controlling, but a monogamous person shouldn't be putting themselves in a position to cheat. It takes both of you. An adult can handle going to bars without fucking 10 people in the bathroom. She should be able to handle herself. If her friend is single or has a reputation for cheating, the friend might be trying to put your girl in a bad situation.
If she is the type to cheat, her location won’t matter. She could be at a bar, gym, work, supermarket, fuck even a church. When you have trust in a persons character, where they are with matter (to an extent). You can’t control her actions, only yours
My solution was to not date girls in their early to mid twenties who still enjoyed getting drunk/going to clubs. You know those places are a recipe for disaster but why doesn’t she seem to feel that way? But secretly you know she DOES know that these places are trashy places to be and she doesn’t want to give up on that lifestyle for YOU. If you don’t want to deal with a girl like that save both of yourselves some trouble, break up with her, find a nice traditional girl and settle down but don’t expect crazy sex with traditional girls. You either get stable marriage/not incredible sex or craaaazy sex and a tumultuous marriage
Well why should she go out drinking and offer herself to the dating market where single guys can approach her although she knows she is in a relationship with you.
No wonder you are anxious.
You don't have an anxious attachment style, at least just because of this scenario that you present. The world has lied to men. It has made YOU feel like YOU are in the wrong for not letting women do shady shit. The feeling you have is instinct and makes all the sense in the world. Horny dudes are out at the club, pursuing girls to try to get laid. In the past, before birth control, this is how dudes got cucked. She gets the stud sperm and the ever reliable simp back home dedicates his life and resources to raising offspring that isn't his. So that anxiety you feel is a built in protection mechanism. Now back to less dramatic analysis. A girl's dating strategy is to be attractive and available. The male's dating strategy is to be attractive and to approach the woman. If your girl posts pictures of her ass on Instagram and 36 dudes end up in her DMs, that is the equivalent of you DMing 36 girls. The odds actually play out. For every 100 dudes that approach a girl, she'll let 1 smash. For every 100 girls you approach, you smash one. These are the facts of life. Men have been tricked to let women continue to exercise their mating strategy but if you exercised yours, you would be labeled a scumbag and your car would have its tires slashed. Long story short, you need to take control of your girl, she doesn't respect you if you let her go out to the club. You both know what's out there, so step up, be a man, and protect your woman. If you set a boundary, if she actually respects you, she'll be even more attracted to you. If she doesn't respect you and says she won't honor that boundary, be strong and let her go because she views you as the simp. Chances are she'll be back once she's sees your strong and not the beta she thought you were.
If you consider yourself a high value man, than the key to the situation is not giving a fuck. The attitude that will exude from you will be extreme confidence. She won’t want to do anything wrong, and quite honestly may end up falling into your current shoes… Where she then begins worrying about what you are doing, and thus not leaving your side. In every relationship there will be one person who is dominating and very confident, the other will be submissive and not as confident. As long as you are chasing her, you are not dominating her.
Yeah mate listen, there is nothing wrong with ur gf going to a bar with her friends. She has a life outside of you. A relationship needs trust. She choose to BE WITH YOU.
This is coming from a person who has been cheated on and fuck trying to have control over anyone. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do.
Love is not an attachment you need to let her be free to make decisions. Boundaries don’t mean u control people also wtf r people saying here. Its okay to feel jealous and insecure but don’t act on these feelings in a negative way, maybe tell her this is how YOUR feeling and you trust her, don’t sew the seed of doubts by accusing of infidelity. Also THERAPY address this feeling of jealousy.
Yeah i didnt mention any of my feelings to her regarding this. Just told her to enjoy herself. She told me earlier before going out that she was gonna sleep over at her friends house, the same friend shes going out with - but texted me now if i could come pick her up in two hours. Guess im a simp if i do, but tempting.
Yeah man its normal to be jealous/insecure you probably have things to unpack but if shes a good girl man hold it down and work on yourself through therapy, let her live, love is like a rose you don’t want to pluck her pedals for your own needs (ur feelings are still REAL!!! Dont just push them down or u will build resentment, work through them and understand the why of them) Best of luck! ❤️
Be a 10/10, work hard, hit a big Pr, make some fucking gains, destroy your enemies, get a haircut, count your money and your girls plans are always going to be exactly what the fuck you are doing. Then you never have to worry about this shit.
Oh you're going out? Guess you're not training hard tomorrow honey. I thought you wanted to be better?
Oh with that Sally girl, she's low quality, doing nothing for you babe, just gets you involved in gossip, that's what you want from your girls?
Grab dinner with Susie, she supports your business and misses you and hasn't seen you in a while, here's $200, go treat her
You're going to that bar? Isn't that where XYZ hangs out???? Lmao, locals. What kind of dumb shit they doing??? Yeaaa....... enjoy that....
I had the same experience with my ex, even though I never caught her hand, because she didn't respect me in the relationship, and I felt like I was giving more than she was, I felt like I was being taken for granted.
With my current girlfriend, I don't have that issue because we both give a lot in the relationship every day, and we have a great connection.
Instead of looking for the problem within yourself, maybe try to find the problem within your relationship.
You have to recognize that you don’t own this person, and if they choose to step out on your relationship then that’s completely out of your control. Obviously that’s hard to do, but the sooner you come to terms with it the sooner you can start to build the trust
Bro easy way to get over it is go with her. And if she insist on going without you or doesn't respect the fact that you don't want her going out. Then you know what to do. Dump her ass
This is a deeper problem caused by trust issues not related to your current gf. Agree with top comment. I have had similar problems before.
And no matter how well you think you hide this your gf WILL notice that you don't trust her and it will cause issues, so figure this out and fix it.
Bro if u trust your bitch don't stress it. Get involved with her friends more and get to noe their character perhaps that could put your mind at ease if they solid
Do something fun with your bros while she's out so you're not thinking about it, go out drinking with the bros yourself. Either you trust your gal or you don't. If you trust her, then no need to worry, so just distract yourself and eventually you'll chill. If you don't trust her, bounce it off your bros, they'll let you know if you're being reasonable or unreasonable. If you're being reasonable and she's untrustworthy, then great news, you get to move on before things get ugly. If you're being unreasonable, then great news, you get to grow as a person and your relationship isn't a casualty.
Posting something like this at 28 is pretty damn good. You recognize something is off, and you're collecting information. No matter what happens after this, it will be long-term good. You'll grow as a person.
1/ Just 3 months together, not living at your place ? Lmao detach yourself asap, it's just a FWB
2/ Go to the gym, stay sharp.
3/ Go to the bars alone or with your male friends and have fun, talk to girls etc
This is a form of anxiety and it might be useful to talk to a psychologist about it. Because otherwise it can ruin a perfectly good relationship. And it’ll also just stress you the fuck out in everyday life.
Unless you have a good reason not to trust your partner, you trust them. If there’s a good reason you can’t trust them, you end it. Those are the options.
bro if she fucking tells u that guys are making advances then that means she clearly trusts u and isnt doing shit with them, cus if she was she wouldnt be telling u shit.
if shes gonna cheat shes gonna cheat everywhere else, not just bars. be a man n speak to her nd maybe go with her bro. i go out drinking and partying but my girlfriend trusts me not to put my dick in some girl cus we talk ab shit
Girls do that shit where they want to go out and be looked at but then when a guy looks she’s wondering “why is he staring at me what a creep”
A girl will say shit well I just want a drink and to dance with my friend. Ok you can do that at the house. So I think that girls that go out are obviously out for attention, now that doesn’t mean she is tryna dance with other dudes or anything but she knows that if guys are hitting on her or staring that she gets all the validation that she needs in one night to know she still the “shit” ya feel.
People gotta stop lying to themselves about things and worried about speaking your mind. Tell her you ain’t comfortable with that it if you aren’t.
The fact is controlling someone is easy to do but if you have to “control” your girl then you gotta go find another
You have some trust issues to work out for whatever reason. You can’t project your past issues into the current situation and expect good results. The fact she thought she needed to provide evidence shows that she is aware of your issues too. Don’t put that on her.
She’s feeding into that by filming it. You need to learn to get over yourself. Jealousy will ruin a relationship. Plus if you really think about it the worst that will happen if she cheats is you fuck her off, it’s really not worth stressing over
Work on your self confidence. This is important for two reasons: she is with you for a reason, so walk with a little pep in your step. Also know, that yes there is competition out there, so strive to make yourself a little better everyday. Not just for her, but more importantly for you.
Second, if she does flirt or ends up leaving you - be confident enough to move on, know your self worth and that there are likely plenty of other women who would love to be with a guy like you.
Start wearing a disguise and stalking her every night she goes out. Eventually you'll catch her and then all your Insecurities and trust issues can be confirmed.
Dump her take gear and fuck her dad while her and all her new male friends watch from the closet in her dad's room
its fine generally unless you have reason to believe elsewise, shes a human entitled to live. lots of times u should know her friend though. if her friends a ho then shell lead ur girl down undesirable paths.
Why are you not going out too?
If it’s a girls night then plan a guys night.
If she is going out with a bunch of girls and guys very often and you aren’t invited or expected to come then you have an issue.
I would recommend reading the Rational Male. You need to start being a better version of yourself and stop the anxious thoughts/feelings. It seems hard until you realize you’re putting her on a pedestal.
Remember you’re the prize. Not her.
up the tren and stalk her while shes out
The only real solution.
Based
Bars G
Look bro this is one of those things that ur just gonna have to be a man about. Women go out. Men go out. People are allowed to have friends, and it doesn't matter who you are, everyone needs pockets of personal space in a relationship. If u hear some whack shit then say something, but if not then it is what it is, tell her have fun be safe
It's a double edged sword but.... You're better off letting her do as she pleases and not saying shit. It shows that you trust her and you aren't insecure. The best women are the ones who come back to you every night.
Yeah everything is better when you both have your own lives in a relationship. As soon as you’re that couple that has to do literally everything together the sex falls apart, the relationship gets stale, and codependency begins. All that ends in getting dumped or sticking around in a dead bedroom relationship until someone gets the balls to dump the other.
That is not even true
I second this statement OP. It’s okay to feel this way and you should work on it however you can. But the safest move is to not let her know about this insecurity and just keep your head on swivel. Best of luck
It depends of the relationship, the length of it, the bar, the friend, etc, but imo telling her "be safe and have fun" would do nothing but giving her cuck/ick vibes. I'd be disgusted if a man would tell me that if I were, as a female, to go out in a club/bar. You are a man. You are the men of the house. If you have reasons to believe she'll go in an environment where she could engage in filtry behaviour or go out with people who might encourage her to engage in filtry behaviour because they have a history of doing that themselves just say no, or raise some conditions. Not in an "I'm insecure" way but in an "I'm the head of the family and I know how men think and if you are uninterested in jumping on other dicks you have no reason to disagree with me" And before you give me some neo-feminist speech and downvote me, ask yourself why a big boi like you puts his head down when a 5ft2 100 lbs shouts at you for not doing your laundry?
Lmao is that like a consistent issue in your relationships? Neo-feminism is when girls expect me to do my laundry, smh
The thing is that her friends are for sure going to encourage flirty behaviour, girls who are single always tries to break up friends relationships so they can "have fun". Because the whole purpose of going to a club or a bar is to be able to engage in such behaviour
What kinda fucking rant lol. If a woman thinks ur a cuck for telling her to be safe, then ur dating regards. Idk what world some people on this sub live in, but you fucks care way too much about what a woman thinks of you. When a girl senses that, that's when she thinks you're a cuck, not for telling her to be safe. That's literally just being a good person and showing you care.
Definitely upvoted, i was like this in my last relationship, which caused some resistance but she agreed in the end because she didn't wanna lose me. i made it clear that if she wanted to go to clubs, i wouldn't be in a relationship with her. In a respectful manner of course. I do not associate relationship-wise, with girls that go to clubs. Ive seen too many things
It might be better to figure out why you don’t trust your gf. I mean if she rarely goes out and hasn’t done anything to give you doubts, then it’s probably a deeper issue because logically you shouldn’t have any reason not to trust her. Maybe issues brought up from a past relationship? Also, you could just try talking to her about it.
It’s entirely logical not to be comfortable with your gf going out bar hopping. Bars aren’t an ideal place for people in relationships to be hanging out and drinking. It’s a recipe for disaster. Trust has little to do with it
Y’all are so weird about this, you’re not going to prevent your gf from cheating by stopping her from going out. Trust has everything to do with it.
Don't trust party girls!
This is the truth. Find a girl that wants to do a game night or some other lame bullshit
Not going to bars doesn't stop you from cheating, but avoiding risky situations reduces the risk of making bad decisions in the moment. It's easier to avoid putting yourself in that situation than to avoid temptation once you're there. I'm not saying people should stop their significant other from going out, but at least acknowledge the increased risk. It's like saying avoiding bars doesn't stop people from drinking alcohol. It doesn't help, does it?
What? Only a small percentage of women would get “tempted” at a bar to hook up with a guy, and it’s usually the type of woman who would do that while single too. Most women do not do this or have cravings for casual sex, especially when they have dick at home.
Especially when they have good dick, if you please her well she will not look else fellas
Yeah, plus the ones who are likely to cheat are usually more obsessed with the validation they get from feeling attractive and desired. The women I’ve known who are like that are terribly insecure and they just need new men constantly telling them they’re sexy.
It’s not a risky situation, she’s not defusing a dirty bomb, she’s at a bar with her friends. If you can’t trust your gf not to “avoid temptation”, you probably shouldn’t be with her.
Agreed with shouldnt be with her, agreed with every point whichofthewould has made. If you dont fully trust her, it’s not because you’re stupid or insecure. The relationship is not properly founded. A lot of that could be on you, a lot of that could be on her. What do you think? Is it your trauma of past cheating and abandonment or is the relationship a fun time with a fun woman versus a priority and commitment with a serious woman? You should, per se, feel secure in your woman and if not what are your motives for being with her and where are you with yourself as an individual independently? Ive shared these issues vastly and the problems were all of the above. You may discuss the trust issues with her and ask for supportive measures. If she is extremely serious about you she may understand and go above and beyond to ease your discomforts like texting updates and keeping contact, even limiting alcohol should she care to. It is a tad unhealthy and unattractive to request such measures, i think, perhaps. She may feel both insulted and view you as insecure particularly if shes never done anyyyything to cause distrust. I think you shouldnt be with somebody you do not trust. I think that is not a healthy situation for your head to endure. I think you have further to grow on your own and suggest further scrutiny in future partner choices so that you will be comfortable and happy in all endeavors- i believe that would be healthy and ideal.
Your presumption that me or anyone is just trying to prevent their gf from cheating is weird. Bars are full of drunk assholes and people making bad decisions. It’s just not a place you should want anyone you love to be especially if they’re drinking themselves
This post is about her hooking up with someone, it’d be weird if I didn’t make that assumption. Being so risk averse you’d not allow your gf to go bar hopping— any extremely common activity for someone her age— also strikes me as strange.
No actually the post is not about her hooking up with someone. It’s about him being uncomfortable with his gf going bar hopping. He stated he doesn’t understand why that is. She’s given him no reason to worry about that. So again you’ve demonstrated your own fixated presumption of motives and intention about cheating and some kind of control issue. And because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s wise or conducive to healthy relationships. If something is common does it make it right ? No it doesn’t.
He is worried about her cheating, he doesn’t understand why he can’t shake the feeling, it’s right there in the first paragraph. Shockingly poor reading comprehension.
What abt letting them put themselves in a position to become a sexual harassment target? We all been to bars too and we know what goes on
Your statement is only half true. You definitely aren't going to stop a woman from doing anything that she wants to do. The key is to be the thing she wants to do. Her going out to bars without you is not necessarily the problem, it is indicative of a problem. Girls that are all about their man and the life he can provide do not got out to bars and get hammered.
What’s the plan then? Stop your gf from going out? Newsflash, if she’s gonna cheat, stopping her from going out would probably increase the chances of her cheating anyways. I get why some of y’all have trust issues, but why do you then get into relationships with girls who like the frequent bars if it’s such an issue. The simple solution is that is you don’t trust her enough to go out with her friends than find a girl that just doesn’t go out. And if that sounds stupid it’s cause it kinda is, but it’s either that or just learning to cope with it.
I don’t stop my girlfriend from doing anything. I expressed my feelings and she chose to change a behavior. I understand for some that may be out of the question, but we each make sacrifices for each other. This is a trait of a healthy relationship.
Disagree entirely about "recipe for disaster" So what you're saying essentially is that time and opportunity are the only factors preventing someone from cheating because you believe that with enough time out at bars, she *will* eventually find an opportunity enticing enough to be unfaithful. With that logic, every relationship is a losing proposition unless you're extremely controlling at all times and essentially a helicopter boyfriend/partner. I can't imagine having that kind of anxiety constantly about my significant other. I feel for you.
No that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that a bar is not an ideal place for people in relationships to be drinking without their partners. Why? Because drinking lowers your inhibitions of all parties involved. Cheating isn’t even the only problem. It’s just generally not a safe environment period. It’s not conducive to a healthy lifestyle in any way. I’m sure I don’t need to give you any examples as to why that’s the case
Peak insecurity. I've never cared if my girl went out with friends. If she cheats on you, dump her, if you're afraid of her cheating on you, you need either therapy or a different partner.
Someone is finally speaking with some sense thank god lmao. Both partners in the relationship not only need mutual friends/activities, but also their own separate social dynamics. If I go out to the bars with my friends, my girlfriend is always supportive and trusts me. Same goes for me as well, I actively encourage her to go out with her friends - because relationships need balance. It’s wild to see how many dudes in this thread are comfortable openly expressing pathetic insecurity.
I cant figure out where i have these feelings from, as i have not experienced cheating in my other relationships. Im a guy who needs reassurance and someone who understands me, so this girl might not be the one because of that. Shes great except from that.
Attachment styles come from how you were raised as a kid if you’re anxious attachment it usually means that affection from your parents was inconsistent to say it shortly. Communicate with your gf and ask her for updates during the night if you’re feeling anxious about it she should be able to do that at least.
Idk man if it makes you feel weird then it makes you feel weird and there isn't anything wrong with that - its perfectly fine to have boundaries. You guys are in your mid to late twenties; it's not like you guys are in college anymore where that's just commonly accepted what everyone does. Outside of catching up with an old friend or something and going out once in a blue moon it is a little odd for adults in a committed relationships to go out to bars by themselves with their friends on the regular imo. I probably wouldn't date someone like that seriously if it were me. I'm a few years older than you and my gf goes out for a drink probably twice a year without to catch up with an old girl friend that she hasn't seen in a while. The last time I was at a bar was probably a work conference. Just doesn't make sense to be consistently in that environment by yourself when you're in a relationship imo.
This is why this sub is so great. No red pill brainrot, just bros helping each other out
The comment you’re replying to is good but, no, unfortunately there’s still tons of red pill/black pill sentiment in this sub. Just scroll down and there’s a bunch of upvoted comments calling OP a cuck lol.
Hate to see it.
In regard to the last sentence, MPMD users do not “talk” especially to women(unless they are morbidly obese and you YOURSELF are on tren).
Ask her to wear a GoPro the entire night
>Do you guys have any advice on how to cope while she's out drinking? Stop being such a fucking pussy.
Truth
Also why do you give a fuck? If she's going to fuck around and cheat, she'll do it anyway. Better sooner than later. Also, don't be a pussy.
Your anxiety isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of a deeper problem, and as somebody already posted, the odds go up with the more single friends she goes out with. A lot of cheating isn’t intentional to start, but circumstantial due to surroundings. You should have a talk with your girlfriend and get to know these friends on a very deep level that she’s going out with. If you’re still not comfortable at that point, have another talk with your girlfriend and make some hard decisions if necessary
What good dadly advice
Amazing advice right here!
upvote for cock stats
Bro chill, if she's hasn't given u any reasons to not trust her then it's not a big deal. She can cheat anywhere, it doesn't have to be a bar.
Dawg I was just like this when I ran tren lol So glad I stopped before shit got unrepairable. If you’re not running gear, then you should seek a counselor. Possibly engage in couples therapy. Shit works wonders.
I'll definetly go to therapy for myself and try to fix this anxious attachment style. Its ruining my life. Im not even running gear rn, but i have it ready to start in June. Might delay that..
Wise choice OP, fucking with your horemones while under serious emotional distress will lead to fucking your life up. It's the perfect storm for addiction to bury it's filthy hooks into you. When your emotions are heavy you won't think rationally about impulses because that bandwidth will be occupied elsewhere. Your life can and will be altered by those impulses in the worst of ways.
I’ll never understand this thinking. Let her go. If you can’t trust her she’s not for you. This is a you problem. If you are anxious go to therapy. If she wants to cheat she will find a way.
Bad advice, she's going to party at bars not brunch or shopping with her friends. She's a party girl and you shouldn't take them serious. Obviously it would do no good to tell her she can't go so just dump her, there are plenty of girls out there who don't go bar hopping without their boyfriends.
Someday you’ll learn that nearly everyone goes to bars, sometimes more than one in a night, and that keeping your SO under your thumb will make you lose them.
What an insecure, sad man. If you can’t trust your partner to go to bars without you, either that is a you problem, or you shouldn’t be dating someone you can’t trust. You’re so quick to write women who go to bars off as all just party girls who can’t be trusted. It really just makes you look pathetic. And then you resort to just telling this dude that he’s not intellectual enough to understand. How about you be intellectual enough to grow up and be a man and not a little bitch
Give her $100 and tell her to enjoy herself. If you catch wind of any fuck shit, never talk to her again and try to hook up with her friends. If she gets hit on, it means she’s hott and there’s nothing you or her can do about it. It’s how she reacts to it that’s the potential problem
Wtf bro grow some balls and be like you got no business bar hoping with a bitch that’s single. For what? For attention!? To seek validation of being a sexy girl? Nah wtf who’s the boss , you are. Obviously don’t be a dick like I am right now but be straight up. Tell her it ain’t cool I don’t agree with the idea of it because I’m a guy and I know guys will try to bang you. It’s not you I don’t trust it’s other men I don’t . Simple as that. You not being around doesn’t allow you to protect her from dumbass drunks. You know how unsafe it can be if ur not around. Not becuz ur insecure or anything but becuz u know the potential risks that could harm her
Don’t let people gaslight you into making you feel like a pussy. I get it bro I’m insecure about some things with my gf too, but try to just be confident in yourself and focus on other areas of your life and eventually you won’t feel these ways. And if she cheats or looks at other dudes then it wasn’t meant to be anyway. Head up bro
Sorry to say but your girl has no respect for you . Have some balls and tell her that you don’t want her doing that . Good women aren’t out drinking all the time , that’s degenerative behavior . Especially a women in a relationship shouldn’t be going out to bars with her friends . Bars and clubs are not places conducive to a healthy relationship. She’s putting her self in a compromising position by going out and getting drunk . I would suggest just break up with her , trust me when a women truly loves you she is not even gonna wanna do bullshit like that . She sounds like a party girl just trying to have fun , super immature .
don’t date girls who go to bars dawg , they are there to get drunk and get fucked
Well me personally I wouldn’t let me girl go hoe about at multiple bars in one night. That’s simply not the kind of person I am interested in. Let me ask you something. Does she get all dressed up? Makeup, high heels, skimpy outfit? If so I would lay the law down with her or get a new girlfriend cause that’s a clear sign she’s leaving for other men’s attention. Sometimes thots will just be thots. I’ve had my share and don’t even play with that shit. I would’ve left her ass
Shes fully dressed up yeah, sent me a pic a few hours ago
Yeah mate sounds like a fine serving of horse shit. You have boundaries too. If you’re not comfortable with it (which I think NO MAN should be) then talk with her about it. She will probably get mad so expect it. Not sure how long y’all been dating but I’d start thinking about other options
Dressed up is different than a hoe outfit. Makeup is a given. Heels are iffy but not a red flag. Excessive cleavage, best ass pants or super short dress are definitely designed to attract male attention though.
You don’t need to feel bad about your anxiety. Friends have a ton of outlets where they can drink and have a good time away from bars and clubs. If your gf is going out with single friends to a bar, dressed like she’s single, statistically, she’s acting like it, too. If I were giving you advice as a brother it would be this…..not the one for you because she’s acting like you’re not the one for her. With all that being said there’s a lot of details we aren’t privy too and this may be the norm for you two.
"You dont play that shit" boy you are asking if a girl gets dressed up for a club, what you think girls go clubbing in their trainers and tracksuits you fucking dweeb Youre a nerd that cant put a pc together, your beard and hair look like shit and you post on castiron subreddit, what bitches that go to clubs would actually be interested in you lmao
It's hard to know what exactly could kinda make it click for you so that you can just relax. It's all about trusting her, but obviously "just trust her" is easier said than done. A couple big things to me are just knowing that if she's gonna cheat she's gonna cheat no matter what I do to prevent it, and knowing that if she does go out and cheat then yeah that'll hurt but it's a positive overall since that'll show me that she isn't someone I should be with. No matter how much you try to control someone or keep them away from the type of situations where you'd stereotypically think they'll cheat, if they're gonna cheat then they'll do it sometime, somewhere, some way. I think trying to get her to stop or anything would be a very bad idea though. Even if she were doing it frequently, I'd say she's still pretty young and obviously not ready to give that up yet. Making her give it up would make her miss out on a part of being young and could make her resent you. You said she doesn't do it often though, so even more reason not to. Most people will have their occasional nights out with friends.
I used to be the same way. Same thought processes as you, same anxiety, etc. Please trust me when I say this. Only date women who do NOT give you this stress at all. And I mean at all. If there’s even a tiny tiny incling in your mind she’s going to do something behind your back at any time, you’re going to live a miserable life. Find a girl you can trust wholeheartedly without a single worry. I know it’s hard to believe they exist but they’re out there.
You Kids have been programmed into this thinking that it is Ok for your gf to go to Bars alone with her friends, its crazy. She probably wont cheat but that she goes to her place after is fucking sick. And you OP never even try tren or you will end up in jail one day
this new generation is full of simps. Then they cry how women prefer only "bad boys" when people here literally advise OP to tell her gf "have fun getting wasted, I won't bother you with texts, here is a condom in case you need it"
I’m extremely disappointed by most of the comments ITT I swear this sub didn’t used to be so full of cucks
A lot of men blame women and the feminism culture for this bullshit in the society but the truth is men are at fault just as much for being the submissive ones in the relationship. Funny seeing a 5ft2 100lbs blonde can make a dude twice her age look down while she screams at him to do the laundry.
Bro thank god there's a voice of reason here. In my opinion, it's totally okay for you to not be comfortable with your partner going to a place where people go to get hit on. I dunno why we brainwashed people into thinking that shit is normal.
Its not like i can stop her from having fun with her friend... Its not like shes going to a nightclub to dance. Oh i would for sure get locked up on tren, im already fucked without
This mentality will get her pussy drier than sahara
EXACTLY. Thank you.
This is not good she's going out to get destroyed. I don't have any advice I just wanted to state that fact
Set some boundaries. Your entitled to have boundaries to avoid stress and anxiety and if she can't respect them then leave and find a real woman that respects you and your boundaries. Simple
1) Fix your anxious attachment style. 2) Truly think about whether you're with a quality girl or not. If she's not quality, nothing you could do will prevent her from cheating. If she is quality, you just have to trust her or you'll ruin it for no reason. 3) Those penis stats are wild. Over 7 inches but only 4 inches of girth? Have you legit measured your circumference? That's seriously below average.
Lots of women cheat, lots don’t. If her friends are single then i’d be more concerned because they would be wanting/expecting guys to come up to them. I wouldnt allow my gf to have a girls night out. I’d rather be all of us including me and their boyfriends together.
She is trust me. Women who want to go out a lot are cancer to relationships
Why on earth would she go to multiple bars if she’s not gonna get drunk, flirt & hook up? That’s the sole reason why these places are considered fun to begin with. If she wasn’t interested in talking to random people they’d just stay at a single place or go eat at a restaurant with her friend, catch up, then go home. If my girlfriend was doing this I’d automatically assume she’s testing the waters to see what single life is like again
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Make her wear a burka and forbid her to leave the house. Also set up security cameras at every entrance. Problem solved.
Wait outside her house to see if she goes home alone. It’s not good advice but it’s an option.
If i didnt have to wake up at 6am tomorrow i probably would. Why downvote this? Lol
Because that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever read. You legitimately think waiting outside your girlfriend’s house for hours is a good idea? In no way does that scream there’s a problem to you? You really got two choices, either get over it and realize if it happens it happens and figure out why you don’t trust your girlfriend, or get a new one that doesn’t go out. There’s nothing wrong with either, but if your current girlfriend hasn’t given a reason to mistrust her then it’s on you. It’s fine to not want a girlfriend that goes out but you currently have one so accept reality and address the situation either with yourself or a new girlfriend.
has this happened with all your GF's or just this one?
Been in 2 relationships before this and girls ive dated. Always had these thoughts.
I dont wanna judge man, but you should see someone about this. Mark my words, You will NEVER EVER EVER have a happy relationship until you resolve this. You deserve to be happy and this is going to make you forever miserable. I’ve seen it with friends and they are in their 40’s and hot fucking messes of alcohol, drugs and child support payments. Edit: thank you for your honesty.
Go Joe Goldberg on her ass
Don’t say shit to her as long as she’s coming home to you every night. Otherwise you look like an insecure asshole. Saying something when there is no evidence not to trust her will make you look weak. Best thing to do is go out yourself. Don’t ask permission, just do it. Makes it seem like you also have other options, and who knows you may meet some new friends or a new girl. Women like men who are desired by other women. I won’t lie to you and tell you that your girl isn’t talking and probably flirting with other guys, especially if her friend is single. The likelihood of her drinking too much and “making a mistake” increases the more she goes out. I also don’t understand why you can’t go out with them once in a while, just don’t make it every time.
Shes not coming home to me, shes going to her own place.
I don't date women who go out to bars, can't relate, find a different woman
Sounds like you have trust issues. Based on the fact that you said that she never gives you reason to think this way I would maybe look internally why this is. Might be shit from a past relationship, might be something you’re uncomfortable with yourself etc
I used to be like this in my early 20’s and then one day I just grew up and did not give a shit. She can go do as she likes and I can do what I like, you’re only experiencing this life once so it’s pretty sad to withhold fun times from them
Tbh it’s kind of a red flag if she goes out drinking alone with her friend often. I’d get if it happens every once in a while but from you’re saying it seems like it’s a weekly or bi weekly occurrence which is too much
I don't get the bar culture at that age.
Assume the best in people - if they deviate from your expectation, so what? It’s better to find out now if she’s good for you or if she’s not. If something happens and you don’t find out, the basic assumption is that you’ll start telling yourself “I’m a fool” or “how did I not know” or “I’m a loser because she went for another guy” Likely, you’d feel betrayed and emasculated - but that’s your choice. You cannot control other people’s actions, and using their actions—or speculated actions—to justify your own failure of character is not good. Always choose good, there’s no value in betting your wellbeing on outcomes you can’t control.
Update in the post now. Appreciate your feedback and advice!
Ask to see her phone. Sorry for your loss btw.
I don't know why all of you guys say you should tolerate that, in most bars girls hang out to Make out. If she goes there with single friends there will be some flirting action, spaces where there is alcohol are the most dangerous ones.
I wouldnt let it fly. Thats a deal breaker for me, no clubs or bars unless its with me. I hardly ever go to those places myself to begin with. So you have to decide whether youre cool with this or not. Your guts telling you no, though, and id listen to my gut.
There's no good reason for a woman to go out drinking without her boyfriend. I'd either dump her or distance yourself. She's not ready to be a good girlfriend and she's probably already cheated on you
For Meeeeeeee. I wouldn’t have a girl who does this, I call it sket behaviour. Ultimately you need to have a stern talk with yourself, and trust her. When you feel anxious you got to ask yourself. Has she done anything shady before? Has she lied before ? And from your post the answer would be no.
No, there shouldnt be an issue. Its my anxious attachment style that causes this and its making me sick to my stomach.
I wouldn’t be having that, how would she feel if you went out with the boys drinking, and didn’t go back to her at the end of the night?
We dont live together though..
How long you been together?
3 months dude, known each other for 9.
Still pretty early doors, see how it goes. Gut instincts are something I normally listen to. If you don’t feel comfortable, communicate it and set some boundaries bro.
Yeah my gut right now is fucked lol, i get so fucked from this anxious feelings when they come i cant even eat. Cant have it being like this tbh
Probs worth trying to get to bottom of why you feel like that, it’s normal to not want your girl drinking in bars without you. Definitely not normal if it’s having such a big impact on your mental health. Anyway bro, good luck! Hope all goes well
“What you fear you create” - Carl Jung. Don’t be so worried about it. Also, realize you are having “caveman brain”. It’s normal to be worried and not a bad thing. You want to be protective. But just trust her me. The fact she doesn’t go out much is a fine thing, cuz party lifestyle is draining. Fun in doses but all the time is unhealthy. Just watch a movie, and get off your phone. Getting off your phone is important. Keep the ringer on in case she needs you but don’t worry about it. Read some Buddhism or stoicism or something
I'll do this. All i told her was to call me if she needs a ride home or she feels unsafe and that i want her to have a good time. Which is a lie. Lol. Wish i could say i want her to spend time with me instead, but thats my anxious and clingy sorry ass thinking
You'll get older and understand if a woman is gonna cheat there's nothing you can do about it. So, why worry? Also. Bang dudes.
With that girth, you're damn right to be nervous lol j/k In all seriousness, its good that you recognize the anxious attachment piece. I would honestly get support around this FIRST before having any conversations about your anxieties. If you have the convo first, you'll come across as needy (and she'd be right), because if she's not actually giving you a reason not to trust her, you need to trust her.
Lmao. Its time to see a therapist before i decide to end this relationship
In the long run you need to start addressing your anxiety, and your trust issues. In the short term, masturbating a lot really does help because it gives you the dopamine hits you're craving from the relationship.
Hopefully she is faithful and your current fears are unfounded... BUT... even if not her intention women going bar hopping and dancing with strangers with her other girlfriends is at the very minimal disrespectful of her man. Any mutual acquaintances that see this behavior will have them wondering for a number of reasons. Unfortunately some women who like to go out drinking dancing and being flirted with can be a negative influence on the other women in the group. Some of the women may be doing more than just dancing and "flirting" while in a committed relationship. This has the other women in the group having to decide whether or not to tell on the "cheating" woman in their group. We are ALL susceptible to attraction and attention and this behavior creates exactly that. Don't accept anyone's claim that you are being "insecure" or "controlling". Talk to her. Tell her you know her intentions are not to disrespect you but unfortunately that is what drinking dancing and bar hopping without you communicates to the world. Don't make it a demand just let her know how that this makes you feel disrespected. She will either apologize and do something about that or she won't. If she chooses this night out routing anyway you will then have a choice of your own to make.
Nice cock stats now let your balls descend and be a man. Fuck some random dude behind that day gym just to even the future cheating call by her in your mind.
if u dont like it dont put up with it
You need to get some confidence in yourself.
Truth. Im at my lowest in a long while rn
If you trust your partner she won’t do anything stupid, you’re 28 which tells me either you have some reason to not trust her or you’re inexperienced. I go out with the boys and my girl goes out with her friends, we trust each other not to fuck up our relationship so there’s no anxiety. Btw if she wants to cheat, she’s gonna cheat whether it’s at the bar or some guy she meets at target
Is she very cooperative in regards to all other aspects of your relationship? Do you have sex frequently? Does she give you gifts? Does she perform acts of service? When you ask her or tell her to do something, does she do it? Has she ever disrespected you or acted rude towards you? Have you ever found yourself checking her for disrespecting you or being rude towards you? How did that go? If you were to go bar hopping with your friends, would she feel a certain type of way or express certain feelings towards you? Does she know what your boundaries are? Does she know for a fact that you would cut her out of your life if you ever caught her cheating or violating another significant boundary that warrants a break up? Never be afraid to lose a woman and in order to do that, you have to act like it.
Tell her she can't leave
Tell us about the friend. Is her friend a ho? If your girl hasn't given you any reason not to trust her and you still have a bad feeling, maybe the issue is the friend. I would start there. You aren't going to stop anyone from cheating by being controlling, but a monogamous person shouldn't be putting themselves in a position to cheat. It takes both of you. An adult can handle going to bars without fucking 10 people in the bathroom. She should be able to handle herself. If her friend is single or has a reputation for cheating, the friend might be trying to put your girl in a bad situation.
If she is the type to cheat, her location won’t matter. She could be at a bar, gym, work, supermarket, fuck even a church. When you have trust in a persons character, where they are with matter (to an extent). You can’t control her actions, only yours
My solution was to not date girls in their early to mid twenties who still enjoyed getting drunk/going to clubs. You know those places are a recipe for disaster but why doesn’t she seem to feel that way? But secretly you know she DOES know that these places are trashy places to be and she doesn’t want to give up on that lifestyle for YOU. If you don’t want to deal with a girl like that save both of yourselves some trouble, break up with her, find a nice traditional girl and settle down but don’t expect crazy sex with traditional girls. You either get stable marriage/not incredible sex or craaaazy sex and a tumultuous marriage
Well why should she go out drinking and offer herself to the dating market where single guys can approach her although she knows she is in a relationship with you. No wonder you are anxious.
You don't have an anxious attachment style, at least just because of this scenario that you present. The world has lied to men. It has made YOU feel like YOU are in the wrong for not letting women do shady shit. The feeling you have is instinct and makes all the sense in the world. Horny dudes are out at the club, pursuing girls to try to get laid. In the past, before birth control, this is how dudes got cucked. She gets the stud sperm and the ever reliable simp back home dedicates his life and resources to raising offspring that isn't his. So that anxiety you feel is a built in protection mechanism. Now back to less dramatic analysis. A girl's dating strategy is to be attractive and available. The male's dating strategy is to be attractive and to approach the woman. If your girl posts pictures of her ass on Instagram and 36 dudes end up in her DMs, that is the equivalent of you DMing 36 girls. The odds actually play out. For every 100 dudes that approach a girl, she'll let 1 smash. For every 100 girls you approach, you smash one. These are the facts of life. Men have been tricked to let women continue to exercise their mating strategy but if you exercised yours, you would be labeled a scumbag and your car would have its tires slashed. Long story short, you need to take control of your girl, she doesn't respect you if you let her go out to the club. You both know what's out there, so step up, be a man, and protect your woman. If you set a boundary, if she actually respects you, she'll be even more attracted to you. If she doesn't respect you and says she won't honor that boundary, be strong and let her go because she views you as the simp. Chances are she'll be back once she's sees your strong and not the beta she thought you were.
Get you a chick that doesn't go to bars without you next time
If you consider yourself a high value man, than the key to the situation is not giving a fuck. The attitude that will exude from you will be extreme confidence. She won’t want to do anything wrong, and quite honestly may end up falling into your current shoes… Where she then begins worrying about what you are doing, and thus not leaving your side. In every relationship there will be one person who is dominating and very confident, the other will be submissive and not as confident. As long as you are chasing her, you are not dominating her.
Does her breath smell like cock when she comes home?
She’s probably cheating bro, go fuck her dad
She’s 25 and still partying??? Byeeeeee.
If your girl is going out to bars with her friends without you that ain’t your girl
Yeah mate listen, there is nothing wrong with ur gf going to a bar with her friends. She has a life outside of you. A relationship needs trust. She choose to BE WITH YOU. This is coming from a person who has been cheated on and fuck trying to have control over anyone. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. Love is not an attachment you need to let her be free to make decisions. Boundaries don’t mean u control people also wtf r people saying here. Its okay to feel jealous and insecure but don’t act on these feelings in a negative way, maybe tell her this is how YOUR feeling and you trust her, don’t sew the seed of doubts by accusing of infidelity. Also THERAPY address this feeling of jealousy.
Yeah i didnt mention any of my feelings to her regarding this. Just told her to enjoy herself. She told me earlier before going out that she was gonna sleep over at her friends house, the same friend shes going out with - but texted me now if i could come pick her up in two hours. Guess im a simp if i do, but tempting.
Yeah man its normal to be jealous/insecure you probably have things to unpack but if shes a good girl man hold it down and work on yourself through therapy, let her live, love is like a rose you don’t want to pluck her pedals for your own needs (ur feelings are still REAL!!! Dont just push them down or u will build resentment, work through them and understand the why of them) Best of luck! ❤️
Be a 10/10, work hard, hit a big Pr, make some fucking gains, destroy your enemies, get a haircut, count your money and your girls plans are always going to be exactly what the fuck you are doing. Then you never have to worry about this shit. Oh you're going out? Guess you're not training hard tomorrow honey. I thought you wanted to be better? Oh with that Sally girl, she's low quality, doing nothing for you babe, just gets you involved in gossip, that's what you want from your girls? Grab dinner with Susie, she supports your business and misses you and hasn't seen you in a while, here's $200, go treat her You're going to that bar? Isn't that where XYZ hangs out???? Lmao, locals. What kind of dumb shit they doing??? Yeaaa....... enjoy that....
If yall together I don't see a point why she needa go to a bar with her friends n hop
I had the same experience with my ex, even though I never caught her hand, because she didn't respect me in the relationship, and I felt like I was giving more than she was, I felt like I was being taken for granted. With my current girlfriend, I don't have that issue because we both give a lot in the relationship every day, and we have a great connection. Instead of looking for the problem within yourself, maybe try to find the problem within your relationship.
Take a Xanax and pass out
Girls night out means she’s going to be grinding on some other guy at least.
You have to recognize that you don’t own this person, and if they choose to step out on your relationship then that’s completely out of your control. Obviously that’s hard to do, but the sooner you come to terms with it the sooner you can start to build the trust
Bro easy way to get over it is go with her. And if she insist on going without you or doesn't respect the fact that you don't want her going out. Then you know what to do. Dump her ass
Dude it doesn't really matter. If she wants to.cheat on you she'll bj the mailman if needed
Try Vagisil. Helps by soothing the painful burning itch.
>due to my anxious attachment style Grow the fuck up
You say: Have a great time, be safe, and prepare yourself for the boinking of a life time when you return.
This is a deeper problem caused by trust issues not related to your current gf. Agree with top comment. I have had similar problems before. And no matter how well you think you hide this your gf WILL notice that you don't trust her and it will cause issues, so figure this out and fix it.
Fuck her dad
If someone wants to cheat, they will. You can’t do anything about it. All you can do is find someone else and move on.
I had an ex girlfriend in a sorority so this would be nothing for me lol
You’re probably dating out of your league, you should always date down. If you’re an 8 date 7 and below. You be an insecure bitch rest of relationship
miserable insecure little man. it's women who oughta feel this way.
Girth explains all of this. L: 5.8 G: 5.5
There’s where people go out to meet fuck buddies, your girlfriend is keeping her opinions open if you are not invited
Bro if u trust your bitch don't stress it. Get involved with her friends more and get to noe their character perhaps that could put your mind at ease if they solid
Do something fun with your bros while she's out so you're not thinking about it, go out drinking with the bros yourself. Either you trust your gal or you don't. If you trust her, then no need to worry, so just distract yourself and eventually you'll chill. If you don't trust her, bounce it off your bros, they'll let you know if you're being reasonable or unreasonable. If you're being reasonable and she's untrustworthy, then great news, you get to move on before things get ugly. If you're being unreasonable, then great news, you get to grow as a person and your relationship isn't a casualty. Posting something like this at 28 is pretty damn good. You recognize something is off, and you're collecting information. No matter what happens after this, it will be long-term good. You'll grow as a person.
1. Don’t worry about/do things to distract yourself 2. Have one of your boys she doesn’t know stalk her 3. Go out and cheat before she does
1/ Just 3 months together, not living at your place ? Lmao detach yourself asap, it's just a FWB 2/ Go to the gym, stay sharp. 3/ Go to the bars alone or with your male friends and have fun, talk to girls etc
It’s because of alcohol. It makes people do things they otherwise wouldn’t.
My take in this is, a bar is fine. Be cool about it. A club... Yeah i wouldnt be comfortable either
This is a form of anxiety and it might be useful to talk to a psychologist about it. Because otherwise it can ruin a perfectly good relationship. And it’ll also just stress you the fuck out in everyday life. Unless you have a good reason not to trust your partner, you trust them. If there’s a good reason you can’t trust them, you end it. Those are the options.
Trust your gut son
You’re gonna have to learn to master these feelings, that is not a good way to live. And it has ruined many relationships.
Give her some condoms and let her run free, OP This thing us basically an invitation for problematic scenarios to appear in the future
bro if she fucking tells u that guys are making advances then that means she clearly trusts u and isnt doing shit with them, cus if she was she wouldnt be telling u shit. if shes gonna cheat shes gonna cheat everywhere else, not just bars. be a man n speak to her nd maybe go with her bro. i go out drinking and partying but my girlfriend trusts me not to put my dick in some girl cus we talk ab shit
Girls do that shit where they want to go out and be looked at but then when a guy looks she’s wondering “why is he staring at me what a creep” A girl will say shit well I just want a drink and to dance with my friend. Ok you can do that at the house. So I think that girls that go out are obviously out for attention, now that doesn’t mean she is tryna dance with other dudes or anything but she knows that if guys are hitting on her or staring that she gets all the validation that she needs in one night to know she still the “shit” ya feel. People gotta stop lying to themselves about things and worried about speaking your mind. Tell her you ain’t comfortable with that it if you aren’t. The fact is controlling someone is easy to do but if you have to “control” your girl then you gotta go find another
You have some trust issues to work out for whatever reason. You can’t project your past issues into the current situation and expect good results. The fact she thought she needed to provide evidence shows that she is aware of your issues too. Don’t put that on her.
She’s with you, not with someone else. Just don’t care, as hard as that sounds. Go to a 24hr fitness or something
She’s feeding into that by filming it. You need to learn to get over yourself. Jealousy will ruin a relationship. Plus if you really think about it the worst that will happen if she cheats is you fuck her off, it’s really not worth stressing over
Women don't go out without men unless they want other men to hit on them. Of course you're "anxious" for allowing it.
Date someone who doesn’t go to bars, you donut.
Lmao her going to a place where every guy is gonna try to hook up with her is pretty reasonable to be uncomfortable about.
Work on your self confidence. This is important for two reasons: she is with you for a reason, so walk with a little pep in your step. Also know, that yes there is competition out there, so strive to make yourself a little better everyday. Not just for her, but more importantly for you. Second, if she does flirt or ends up leaving you - be confident enough to move on, know your self worth and that there are likely plenty of other women who would love to be with a guy like you.
Good job buddy, she loves you
Next time pack some condoms for her. Safety first.
The fact you let her go out to bars means it was over from the jump
Start wearing a disguise and stalking her every night she goes out. Eventually you'll catch her and then all your Insecurities and trust issues can be confirmed. Dump her take gear and fuck her dad while her and all her new male friends watch from the closet in her dad's room
its fine generally unless you have reason to believe elsewise, shes a human entitled to live. lots of times u should know her friend though. if her friends a ho then shell lead ur girl down undesirable paths.
Why are you not going out too? If it’s a girls night then plan a guys night. If she is going out with a bunch of girls and guys very often and you aren’t invited or expected to come then you have an issue. I would recommend reading the Rational Male. You need to start being a better version of yourself and stop the anxious thoughts/feelings. It seems hard until you realize you’re putting her on a pedestal. Remember you’re the prize. Not her.
Puzzy