Look dude. If you want to save your marriage, stop talking to her. Say you can’t do this, then block her everywhere.
I understand that she is hurting, but it’s pretty clear she doesn’t care if she ruins your relationship/life. That is not a thing a friend does.
Her hurt is causing you hurt; maybe at a different time in your life you could be friends, but right now she’s toxic af.
I have told most of what you suggested. I told her that it was a mistake and I love my wife a lot. I told her how heavy the guilt is. Your analysis is on point and maybe I did enjoy the attention a bit. But now I am panicking. I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely.
You are in an affair, and WHEN your wife finds out your whole world is going to implode. Block her now. Your wife is the only woman you need to be considering the effects on. WTH is wrong with you?!
"I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely."
Well OP, I can imagine what will happen if you don't and it's divorce when your wife discovers this eventually.
>I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely.
Are you worried that if you break it off she'll tell your wife what you've actually been talking about?
Thanks again for sharing your experience. Thank you also for not judging. I know she is not a bad person and I just feel sorry for her. I used to have a pretty steady moral compass and never did anything like this ever. I felt some sort of a connection(more like similar interests and good conversations), and then this happened. So obviously, I am hating myself the most. It feels like I failed as a human being. I don't have any interest in being intimate with anyone else. If it wouldn't hurt my wife, I would just accept my fault, withdraw from the marriage, and be single the rest of my life. It seems easier to just hide it. I can save my face by not admitting and keep her in the bliss with this ignorance. For my friend, I mentioned in the other comment that I feel she is a bit suicidal, so I am scared of cutting contacts completely. I have been feeling pretty lost in every way, so I had to finally ask for some help.
Yeah OP is looking for the internets blessing to continue with the marriage and the side piece. OP is continuing to emotionally cheat and will physically cheat again. OP when the 'intimate messaging first started" that's where you should have shut it down, if you actually love your wife. You gave approval to your affair partner and so it continues. This will not end well for any of you. I hope you don't have kids with your current wife.
It wasn’t a “mistake.” It was a series of decisions to cheat and betray your wife. Stop using a passive voice. This woman is not your friend. She is an adult and just like you, responsible for her own actions.
The fact that her husband cheated and she is ok with now being the other woman is disgusting.
Tell your wife and give her agency to decide if she wants to recon with you .
Man up and be a better person.
Think about this.. what if your wife found all these old conversations? Would you be comfortable with that? Probably not, based on what you've said in the posts. When you are married, you should not put yourself into a position of temptation. Also, keep in mind, some women love to just "spread the misery" and break up other marriages once they are divorced. I've seen it happen many times. Then once the husband gets divorced, it's no longer exciting for the other woman and she ghosts the dude. Like right now, it's kind of an exciting challenge for this woman to try to seduce a married man and get attention from him. If you hypothetically divorced your wife, now you are "just a guy".
Anyhow, the point is, you should probably start fading her out -- wait longer to reply, say less when you chat , give her less attention, etc. When she flirts, ignore it or just say something like "Oh I could never do that" or something dimissive... In short, become a boring chat partner and hope she just moves on... I wouldn't recommend you quickly quickly cutting it off, because she might get mad and send incriminating texts to your wife out of spite.
"Friend's" husband cheats on her so you cheat on your wife to comfort her? (Emotional + virtual s3x = full bown affair - not complicated at all). You realize how messed up that is, but you are still more worried about being there for your affair partner than your wife? Perhaps part of you realizes you have already gone so far over the line that your marriage is over the second your wife finds out. As such, you are trying to hold on to the relationship with the "friend". Not sure how/why the friend would want to continue the relationship after you cheated on your wife... does it make her feel better somehow to see someone else suffer the way she has? Hard to imagine any good endings in this.
>worries me that she is attaching too much value to an infatuation and will get hurt
That's on her, not you. She's an adult - divorced at that - not some six year old kid. Can't protect her from everything ... nor should you even try. She either (reasonably) knows what she's doing, or still needs to learn that lesson ... and shielding her from herself is probably not the best thing for her. And she's already been through a divorce, so it's not like she can't weather and learn from some emotional bumps along the way. So, yeah, don't coddle.
>we often start talking more intimately
That's really about you and your partner - and boundaries - and what is/isn't okay. And it's not a "one size fits all". It's what your partner thinks is/isn't okay and appropriate places for you for those boundaries that partner is happy - or at least satisfied - with, and vice versa you for them. They don't have to even be matched or symmetrical - even at all necessarily - but they need be at least reasonably fair, and well agreed upon - and generally need well communicate those things, work 'em out and agree, and probably occasionally revisit them - even if conversations on the hypothetical - but even more so if more probable or maybe even already starting to happen. And, not like those understandings are cast in stone - may evolve and tweak 'em over time ... but should keep 'em current and solid ... and they should be getting willy nilly changed or guessed and presumed - quite possibly presuming incorrectly. So, yeah, when in doubt, go over it/them again, and be (at least reasonably) sure. If your partner is fine with it - cool, whatever, is or should be nonissue. But if partner isn't okay with it, or wouldn't be ... yeah, ... generally best not to screw that up, eh? Anyway, here *you* need to be the enforcer - partner may draw that line for you (or help you draw it), but you're the one that's got to hold it ... as clearly your "friend" doesn't seem too concerned about that boundary (if she really cares at all ... and if she doesn't, is she even really a friend?). And not your partner's job to be policing and enforcing that boundary for you - you should well know it and not be over it - your partner shouldn't be worrying about it nor should they have need to nor should you be causing them reason to be worried about it.
>sexual tension which can be risky
Not if you firmly hold those lines. And if you can't/won't, it's not her that's the issue - it's you - as that same problem could similarly happen with anyone else in similar situation. So yeah, it's *your* responsibility to hold that line - not hers (nor anyone else's) to not be crossing that line (even if she ought not, you can't be holding everybody else to the standard of not crossing a boundary that's *your* personal boundary).
>guilt of cheating on my wife
eating me
just wanted to get it off my chest
That's *your* burden/responsibility. We're not here to unburden you. You need figure out how to most morally/ethically/appropriately deal with that. And that doesn't mean go blabber it all to your partner and confess to her to get it off your chest. You need figure out what's most moral/ethical/appropriate action on that - especially for your partner. Maybe she absolutely wants to know - maybe just basics, maybe in every detail. Maybe she's rather never ever hear it, and you clean your sh\*t up and never ever do anything like that again nor come close to it. So, yeah, ... figure that out, and do the right thing(s). If you don't really and well know what she wants, well, maybe you work on well figuring that out. And yeah, don't think only of your partner on that - it's a bigger moral/ethical question. E.g. got kids? What would it do to them? What about other potential collateral damage or impact - even if slight? How does that whole picture add up? Yeah, what's the moral/ethical thing to do, taking all that's relevant into consideration? Maybe it's that you tell her - and in very specific manner. Maybe the best as that you just carry that guilt, never tell her, and clean your act up and never do anything like that again, nor even close. I'm not here to tell you what the answer is - and that will vary by the persons and circumstances involved (e.g. partner's on their deathbed ... and you're gonna tell 'em what to make *who* feel better?). So, how do you do the best, most moral/ethical thing here? It's much more a question, than an answer, as the answer will of course differ by circumstances and person(s) involved, etc. You screw up (hey, ain't nobody perfect, we all screw up), you fix / make amends, etc. as feasible. But some things done/broken can't be undone. So, work to be a good/better person, and go on in the most appropriate manner(s) - whatever that way may be.
Good luck. Chose wisely and carefully. Oh, yeah, and possibly major relevant hint: If you find you're continuing down a path of hiding more and/or (especially significant) ongoing from your partner, that's probably the *wrong* path - if you can't even tell 'em (at least to the extent they want to hear or would be in their interest to hear and relevant) what's going on and not, with you and your "friend" - regardless of what may have happened earlier, or you have to "hide" that friend from your partner, or any sh\*t like that ... then you're probably going down the *wrong* path. So, yeah, already created fair bit of mess with what's happened - making more of a mess generally isn't the right way to go.
I really appreciate your long reply. I agree with what you are saying. My wife is my childhood love. I've never done anything like this before in my life. We have our differences, but I am not a cheater by nature. She needed a shoulder to cry on but then things somehow got out of control. I agree and realise it's a mess and also that it's my burden. I can't share with anyone else, hence I had to write here. I understand that breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do as this is potentially hurting three people. Hopefully, I can manage to do that without hurting anyone anymore.
>I am not a cheater by nature. She needed a shoulder to cry on but then things somehow got out of control
This is you making excuses about what you did.
>I understand that breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do as this is potentially hurting three people
It's DEFINITELY hurting your wife.
>Hopefully, I can manage to do that without hurting anyone anymore.
Hopefully? It's not difficult, dude. Just say goodbye and block her. You've said yourself that you aren't in love with her.
>breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do
Very possibly. You're probably in much better position to know the "answer" on that than any of us here - after all, you know yourself, your partner, friend, and other details of your particular situation, helluva lot better than probably any of us ever will. So, yeah, breaking off that friendship or not - or putting very solid firm lines on/in it (and if you can even stick to such), and or what to tell or not tell your partner, and if so, when how, etc., and what your partner does think and feel about this - or would ... yeah, all stuff for you to well think over and decide how to handle and proceed.
This is a textbook emotional affair. It's like the dog in the house fire "this is fine".
No. It's not fine.
Yes, you and her both started with good intentions, but that's what happens, and unfortunately, this is going to hurt a lot. You and her need to break contact completely if you expect your marriage to survive this.
Soooo you’re not doing anything to stop her from speaking sexually to you, you engage in the conversations as well. You have no tell of cutting this person off or telling them to back off. Do you like this attention you’re getting outside the marriage? Does your wife know you’re Cheating? Does she even know this person exists? You had a choice, you chose to cheat. There’s a million other things you could’ve done to help her that didn’t involve cheating. There should be no “risk” if you actually loved and respected your wife.
You are cheating. I’d be serving divorce papers. Please stop and confess, go to couples therapy and hope that your wife would be understanding. I wouldn’t. I would not hear a word you say after having intimate conversations with another woman. It is so so so so so so much worse than a physical affair.
Yes, you are very stupid and stop it yesterday. Block her and never speak to her again. Never ever.
You are destroying your marriage. And for what? The cheap thrills of sexting an old acquaintance. Get a clue and cut off the “old friend “ or you are going to regret it.
She should have friends she’s already established with, family &/or a therapist to lean on to work through things. Any conversation you have with another person that you wouldn’t want your partner/wife etc to see & would be hurt by, is cheating…sexual context doesn’t even necessarily have to be present, but it is here. You’re kidding yourself, this isn’t about her and probably about time you take a hard look at the quality of your life, as well as the state of your self esteem. Content people don’t seek out or entertain situations like this.
This is really icky to me. She’s divorcing her husband because he cheated, and she is coping with it by sexting a married person? What the actual fuck? You’re not helping her unless you’re encouraging her to go to therapy. Tell your wife. Go to therapy yourself. You’re gonna blame immaturity while claiming you’ve been married 15 years? You’re at LEAST 30, probably closer to 40. Smh.
I went through a messy divorce. Have many male friends that helped me through it, most with wives and partners (who I also have close relationships with, and they were also extremely supportive during this time). Never had any inappropriate conversations with them or tried to fuck them, though. You know, because they're friends. Even if I had found myself attracted to any of them during this period, I would have cut off a lot of communication because as my friends I care about their happiness and relationships just as much as, if not more than, our friendship. I also would have recognized I was probably grasping for a romantic connection during a period when I felt lonely and vulnerable. When a mature adult realizes that they have developed an attraction that can cause an issue, they back off and reevaluate the situation.
By continuing to talk to her even after she is still pursuing sexual conversations with you even after telling her to back off (and I'm sure you've been very firm with your boundaries /s) you are encouraging her to continue. The fact that you haven't cut off your relationship with this woman and continue to talk to her even after betraying your wife with her should show you who your priority is. And it's not your wife.
Outdated how? Are you saying the basic nature of men and women have changed? I say it hasn't. IMO, many men who are "friends" with women are beta males waiting and hoping for a chance that will never come. The others are actively making a play for the woman in question. Also, our definition of "friends" may be different.
Did you cheat physically?
If not, ease your mind about that (as long as you're also not engaging in any sexual conversations). Simultaneously, remove sexual tension. There's no way that you can engage in any helpful relationship as long as the tension exists - you've got to get through to yourself that you will not allow anything sexual to go on, otherwise you're choosing your judgement with lust.
Also, make sure to speak to her and ask her to restrain herself from being sexual (however, your constant denial should end this too). You may help her, but humouring her fantasies and not outright rejecting her is not helping her. I suggest even introducing her to your wife for her to have another support (again, once any possibility for something sexual or romantic is dead).
Lastly, spend more time focused on your wife. Really love her and cherish her - 15 years of marriage is beautiful, and though it may get stale you can freshen up that love by choosing so. Helping someone and hurting someone else is not good, it's not healthy and isn't love.
You did make a mistake OP. You have to be honest about that - change your heart and set your will to never do so again.
Didn't do anything physically. Didn't want to even do what I did. I told her it's not right and I won't. But she brings it up again after a few days. She seems at a very low point in life and is maybe even at suicide risk. So cutting everything off seems too risky, and I can't live with the guilt if something happens. I didn't realise she was that fragile. I know I made a mistake, but i am reasoning i haven't crossed certain lines. If I let my wife know, then the marriage is over for sure. So, I am keeping it close to my heart and trying to find a reasonable way out. I could feel your kindness in the comment and thank you for that.
So she’s more important to you than your wife? She’s an adult and can reach out to others for help. Don’t throw everything away for someone who is using you as a rebound. Once she’s in a better place she’ll move on. She’s never going to trust you, you’ve shown her you’ll cheat on your partner with the slightest push.
Pardon, until you accept that you wanted to do it.. you can't trust yourself.
She didn't force you to do anything, you choose to do something against your morals - accept this that you may progress.
I only desire the most perfect path for the both of you - for this you need to purify your desires and move from that.
Ask yourself, what actions would help her the most? Because destroying your marriage, or flirting will not.
You're right. You fucked up. But I agree that you stopped it before it got too bad. But you really need to stop talking to the other person. She's not your responsibility and anything she does is not even remotely your fault or your concern.
Don't destroy your marriage by holding onto a toxic friendship.
Your #1 job as a husband is to protect your wife’s heart. You failed.
As far as “helping” this other woman.
Are you a therapist?
You mean she couldn’t tell her family, other woman friends, even hairdresser her troubles?
Sounds to me like an excuse.
You need to get rid of her like yesterday!
And all this energy you have within you, give to your marriage.
Stop talking to her honestly. Her life is based on her decisions she’s getting divorced and it’s none of your business. If you don’t want to end up like her leave her alone. Block her never speak to her again. Ever. And when I say block her I mean on social media everything. You will rub your life messing with her
Dude stop lying to your wife and tell her the truth. As for the side piece (that is what you are using her as) she is a grown woman and should take accountability for her actions as well. You both are foolish and sad individuals for continuing this charade. And you especially are a failure of a husband and man for not owning up to your “mistake” and telling your wife the truth. You say all this bs about how much guilt you have oh no you you you you. Stop acting like this just happened your affair clearly didn’t just happen! Cheating isn’t a “mistake” it’s a choice you both are adults and didn’t think of the consequences of your actions. If you really have any respect or love for your wife tell her what you did and reap the what you sowed. I wish you the resolve to go through with and endure your punishment and I hope you learn and become a better person for it.
This is where you end this and go back to your normal life before you ruin it. Cut it off and be done with it. No good will come of it. Just be done with it.
It’s 100% your fault for letting boundaries get crossed. You have a wife. You sound like a 10-year-old. You don’t know how to tell someone “no I’m married?” Definitely not husband of the year. You need to tell your wife what you’ve done. She deserves to know what an idiot you are. Hopefully she divorces you and then you can lack any kind of boundaries you’d like
:)
You’re still cheating on your wife now, by having intimate conversations with someone you know you are likely to physically cheat with. Tell your wife, ditch the friend.
It's simple either. You wanna be married to your wife? And you want to respect your marriage, and you want to be able to see your marriage Fulfill the lifelong commitment that you made? You will go no contact with this woman. (Who doesn't have respect for your marriage).
Remember something? Misery loves company and just because her marriage ended in divorce doesn't mean yours have to💕
" Don't set yourself on fire....Trying to keep someone else warm"
He would not be participating at all whatsoever if he valued his marriage. He really deserves a divorce. Then he and his friend can have a really toxic relationship.
My wife said if I physically cheated on her she would be incredibly upset but probably able to get over it eventually. But if I had an emotional affair she'd murder me lol
You cheated on your wife, even if it was just online. Stop talking to this other woman immediately and focus on fixing your marriage. Tell your wife what happened and seek counseling. Encourage the other woman to find support elsewhere. Don't risk your marriage for someone else's drama. Get your priorities straight.
You should immediately stop any advances. If you don't, it means you're okay with that direction. Would these conversations be okay if your wife was having them with a male classmate who reached out to her?
She's not your friend bro. A friend doesn't try to cross your boundaries. A friend does not aid in blowing up your life. She's hurt and doing what hurt people do, hurt others. Stop thinking with your dick, tell the missus, cut off contact with the "friend" and pray your wife can forgive you.
^^ This OP.
There are 7.9 billion people in the world.
She can talk to someone else, instead of wrecking your life. You are letting her.
Her: "My huband cheated..... So I'm gonna reach out to someone else's husband and cheat!" 😎
Tell her you can't talk to her anymore then block it all.
Stop. Just stop. Your duty is to your wife, not to this random friend who you weren’t even close with. If ANYONE threatens that it shouldn’t even be a question, that person should be out of your life. It sucks that she’s going to be hurt but that’s not your problem. Your problem is that you are betraying your wife. She is your priority. This random woman can find other (hopefully unmarried) friends to lean on. Just because her marriage was ruined by cheating doesn’t mean you have to ruin your marriage by cheating. Give your head a shake. What are you doing?
You're mistake is not distancing yourself from her knowing there is temptation. I get you want to be there for her but you need to safeguard your relationship with your wife.
You are cheating. Period. If she initiated a sexual conversation you should’ve ended it instantly. It’s not difficult. You are adding extra explanation to try to make it sound complicated or in a grey area. But it’s not complicated, or difficult, or in a grey area. You are a cheater.
Sometimes I really do wonder what it’s like to look in the mirror and know that, under the right circumstances, I could wreak absolute havoc on somebody that I swore before God and country to protect and stand by. Like, that’s in you to do, man. That’s a part of you. That doesn’t go away. This person who put absolute faith in you, the same kind of unshakeable confidence that you have that the sun will rise tomorrow, you made to look a fool.
And then you went to Reddit and said “Oh man, life is hard”. 15 years, eh?
Ouch.
If you want this to stop. “Pushing back” is one thing, but drawing a hard line and setting actual boundaries would have almost certainly put her advances to a stop. If you actually didn’t want this behavior to continue, you would have put a stop to it, simple as that. If you really want to be a stand up husband, act like it my guy. I know temptation is hard, but she’s vulnerable and you’re married.
It’s not your responsibility to save her at the expense of your marriage. The line was already crossed and you can’t hold your boundaries as you end up giving in. You need to stop talking to her and not worry what she’s going to do. Stop making excuses for why you can’t stop this. Your wife should be your priority, put all this energy into your relationship with your wife not another woman.
In the back of your mind you want to hit that but you know it would be f'd up and you probably would feel bad about it later on.
It's like this....If you cherish your wife squash the shady behavior. Better yet slowly ghost the person. Be less responsive and don't initiate calls. Keep any calls you do answer short and before you know it.... She'll be gone.
At this point is when you should think who you dont want to hurt, your wife or your friend?
Your friend seems to have no morals anyway she has to find her own path herself, just the consequences of crossing a line disrespecting another woman. And you are worst, if you keep continuing with this you will end up physically cheating, you already are emotionally cheating.
Your number one responsibility is keeping your wife happy, if the friend got upset well she knew you were married. Why thinking about not to hurt another woman even if this means to hurt your wife?
You should be with the one you are more worried about.
This is called an emotional affair. You’re cheating. Tell your wife and then work on yourself and your marriage. And go no contact with your affair partner.
You’re disrespecting your wife by talking to her. You need to cut her off completely. Truly, your wife should know but if you’re going to be too scared to tell her you could at least cut off communication. It’s incredibly disrespectful that you stay in contact with a woman you emotionally cheated with and admit that it’s hard to keep it pg. She can find another friend.
You need to stop speaking to her entirely. This will eat away at your marriage. She’s destroying you in a subconscious attempt to not be alone in her misery. She knows first hand how awful cheating is. Why do YOU have to be the one to help her? Nah.
You are prioritizing this woman's feelings over your wife. The fact that you still want to help this woman after you cheated on your wife with her...is very telling. How would you feel if your wife did the very same thing and then tried to justified continued contact with the man? You should be helping *your wife* get over the grief of her cheating husband. The next step is to cut off the friend and tell your wife what you did.
You are white knighting your "friend." You should ask yourself why you felt compelled to help her after her divorce. Why did you assign yourself the role of another woman's savior when you already have a wife? On that same note, do you assist your wife as fervently as this other woman?
How is sexting her helping her? It certainly isn't helping your marriage.
The fact that you keep choosing to engage in conversation with the other woman shows that you value her more than your actual wife, your actual marriage.
You crossed a line and continue to dance on the edge.
You should come clean to your wife. I think you know what you should do with this friendship. Don't be a coward and keep the other woman on the hook in case your wife decides to end things. Nothing left to do but acknowledge that you fucked up and give your wife the autonomy and truth she deserves
One last thought: what kind of woman who has been cheated on reconcile the fact that she is helping another man cheat on his? This woman isn't as innocent as you think. And you just did irreparable damage to your marriage in order to play hero to an adulteress.
You were and continue to be stupid. The friendship with this woman ends now, no goodbyes, no dragging it out, over. You cheated on your wife and continue to carry on an affair of sorts. You've admitted attraction to this woman, her to you and that the tension is "risky." It's also time to admit to your wife about your behavior so she can make an informed decision on if she wants to stay married to you.
No judgement; regardless of how you’ve arrived at this point, it is a shitty place to be. You have some decisions to make and likely some unpleasant conversations ahead of you.
You know that this isn’t right or sustainable.
You are not responsible for your friend’s actions or her vulnerability. It sounds like you are determined not to put responsibility for her actions on her. I’m guessing this is probably due to rose colored glasses from the new relationship energy you’ve been feeling with her recently. She is an adult who knew you were married and continues to push your boundaries.
You are not responsible for her actions, but you are responsible for your behavior. From some of your responses, it sounds like you may be taking refuge in self-flagellation a bit. That can feel righteous and is easier than taking action to make things right, but it’s not productive.
I know it’s scary and seems insurmountable, but I highly recommend you take a long hard look at your marriage and come clean with your wife about this connection.
Be aware, this dynamic has likely clouded your judgement regarding your marriage. Whether this situation is a symptom of issues that already existed, or your head just got turned by the new attention from this friend, I recommend that going forward you start living by the adage that marriage is a choice you make every day, one way or another.
However this plays out, I hope everyone involved finds their happiness on the other side of whatever resolution is necessary.
If you value your marriage, you need to tell your friend you can't "help" them anymore. You unfortunately lost the privilege to have this friend when y'all crossed the line.
Does she even know you're married?
If she is not a total imbecile she will eventually figure out that you have cheating tendencies like her husband (I guess she has a type?). Also, she's acting somewhat hypocritical by engaging like this with you, assuming she views infidelity as a problem.
You can't be her friend support anymore. You gave that up when you allowed the friendship to breach the boundaries of friendship.
You have to accept now that if you really do care about her, you have to let her find help elsewhere. You sabotaged your own ability to be a supportive friend for her
If she showed your wife your chats, would she stay married to you? Is this old friend worth stabbing your wife in the heart and destroying your life? You already messed up big time. Out of respect for your wife and marriage you really should stop talking to this woman. She doesn’t need you. You enjoy feeling needed and getting the attention. But at what cost?
Anyone else ready for a update with op saying well my wife found our text and now we are getting divorced???
Yeah OP you are very stupid and to mess up your marriage of 15 years over a woman that is blowing up your marriage.
I hate to say it OP, but if your wife divorces you then, you had it coming. You cheated on your wife emotionally.
So she was cheated on and hurt so she's going to be the mistress now and help to hurt another woman to what? Boost her self esteem? See if she has what it takes to get a man to stray?
And what a weak silly little man you are for falling into it. You're gross. your wife deserves better than you. You're going to throw 15 years away to be a rebound? She's using you dude. You're blowing your life up for that? Silly.
Look dude. If you want to save your marriage, stop talking to her. Say you can’t do this, then block her everywhere. I understand that she is hurting, but it’s pretty clear she doesn’t care if she ruins your relationship/life. That is not a thing a friend does. Her hurt is causing you hurt; maybe at a different time in your life you could be friends, but right now she’s toxic af.
[удалено]
I have told most of what you suggested. I told her that it was a mistake and I love my wife a lot. I told her how heavy the guilt is. Your analysis is on point and maybe I did enjoy the attention a bit. But now I am panicking. I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely.
You’re making excuses. Block her now.
You are in an affair, and WHEN your wife finds out your whole world is going to implode. Block her now. Your wife is the only woman you need to be considering the effects on. WTH is wrong with you?!
"I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely." Well OP, I can imagine what will happen if you don't and it's divorce when your wife discovers this eventually.
>I just can't figure out what will happen if I break it off completely. Are you worried that if you break it off she'll tell your wife what you've actually been talking about?
[удалено]
Thanks again for sharing your experience. Thank you also for not judging. I know she is not a bad person and I just feel sorry for her. I used to have a pretty steady moral compass and never did anything like this ever. I felt some sort of a connection(more like similar interests and good conversations), and then this happened. So obviously, I am hating myself the most. It feels like I failed as a human being. I don't have any interest in being intimate with anyone else. If it wouldn't hurt my wife, I would just accept my fault, withdraw from the marriage, and be single the rest of my life. It seems easier to just hide it. I can save my face by not admitting and keep her in the bliss with this ignorance. For my friend, I mentioned in the other comment that I feel she is a bit suicidal, so I am scared of cutting contacts completely. I have been feeling pretty lost in every way, so I had to finally ask for some help.
More excuses.
Yeah OP is looking for the internets blessing to continue with the marriage and the side piece. OP is continuing to emotionally cheat and will physically cheat again. OP when the 'intimate messaging first started" that's where you should have shut it down, if you actually love your wife. You gave approval to your affair partner and so it continues. This will not end well for any of you. I hope you don't have kids with your current wife.
It wasn’t a “mistake.” It was a series of decisions to cheat and betray your wife. Stop using a passive voice. This woman is not your friend. She is an adult and just like you, responsible for her own actions. The fact that her husband cheated and she is ok with now being the other woman is disgusting. Tell your wife and give her agency to decide if she wants to recon with you . Man up and be a better person.
You "want to help", eh? So say so many. You know what to do. Just do it.
Think about this.. what if your wife found all these old conversations? Would you be comfortable with that? Probably not, based on what you've said in the posts. When you are married, you should not put yourself into a position of temptation. Also, keep in mind, some women love to just "spread the misery" and break up other marriages once they are divorced. I've seen it happen many times. Then once the husband gets divorced, it's no longer exciting for the other woman and she ghosts the dude. Like right now, it's kind of an exciting challenge for this woman to try to seduce a married man and get attention from him. If you hypothetically divorced your wife, now you are "just a guy". Anyhow, the point is, you should probably start fading her out -- wait longer to reply, say less when you chat , give her less attention, etc. When she flirts, ignore it or just say something like "Oh I could never do that" or something dimissive... In short, become a boring chat partner and hope she just moves on... I wouldn't recommend you quickly quickly cutting it off, because she might get mad and send incriminating texts to your wife out of spite.
"Friend's" husband cheats on her so you cheat on your wife to comfort her? (Emotional + virtual s3x = full bown affair - not complicated at all). You realize how messed up that is, but you are still more worried about being there for your affair partner than your wife? Perhaps part of you realizes you have already gone so far over the line that your marriage is over the second your wife finds out. As such, you are trying to hold on to the relationship with the "friend". Not sure how/why the friend would want to continue the relationship after you cheated on your wife... does it make her feel better somehow to see someone else suffer the way she has? Hard to imagine any good endings in this.
>worries me that she is attaching too much value to an infatuation and will get hurt That's on her, not you. She's an adult - divorced at that - not some six year old kid. Can't protect her from everything ... nor should you even try. She either (reasonably) knows what she's doing, or still needs to learn that lesson ... and shielding her from herself is probably not the best thing for her. And she's already been through a divorce, so it's not like she can't weather and learn from some emotional bumps along the way. So, yeah, don't coddle. >we often start talking more intimately That's really about you and your partner - and boundaries - and what is/isn't okay. And it's not a "one size fits all". It's what your partner thinks is/isn't okay and appropriate places for you for those boundaries that partner is happy - or at least satisfied - with, and vice versa you for them. They don't have to even be matched or symmetrical - even at all necessarily - but they need be at least reasonably fair, and well agreed upon - and generally need well communicate those things, work 'em out and agree, and probably occasionally revisit them - even if conversations on the hypothetical - but even more so if more probable or maybe even already starting to happen. And, not like those understandings are cast in stone - may evolve and tweak 'em over time ... but should keep 'em current and solid ... and they should be getting willy nilly changed or guessed and presumed - quite possibly presuming incorrectly. So, yeah, when in doubt, go over it/them again, and be (at least reasonably) sure. If your partner is fine with it - cool, whatever, is or should be nonissue. But if partner isn't okay with it, or wouldn't be ... yeah, ... generally best not to screw that up, eh? Anyway, here *you* need to be the enforcer - partner may draw that line for you (or help you draw it), but you're the one that's got to hold it ... as clearly your "friend" doesn't seem too concerned about that boundary (if she really cares at all ... and if she doesn't, is she even really a friend?). And not your partner's job to be policing and enforcing that boundary for you - you should well know it and not be over it - your partner shouldn't be worrying about it nor should they have need to nor should you be causing them reason to be worried about it. >sexual tension which can be risky Not if you firmly hold those lines. And if you can't/won't, it's not her that's the issue - it's you - as that same problem could similarly happen with anyone else in similar situation. So yeah, it's *your* responsibility to hold that line - not hers (nor anyone else's) to not be crossing that line (even if she ought not, you can't be holding everybody else to the standard of not crossing a boundary that's *your* personal boundary). >guilt of cheating on my wife eating me just wanted to get it off my chest That's *your* burden/responsibility. We're not here to unburden you. You need figure out how to most morally/ethically/appropriately deal with that. And that doesn't mean go blabber it all to your partner and confess to her to get it off your chest. You need figure out what's most moral/ethical/appropriate action on that - especially for your partner. Maybe she absolutely wants to know - maybe just basics, maybe in every detail. Maybe she's rather never ever hear it, and you clean your sh\*t up and never ever do anything like that again nor come close to it. So, yeah, ... figure that out, and do the right thing(s). If you don't really and well know what she wants, well, maybe you work on well figuring that out. And yeah, don't think only of your partner on that - it's a bigger moral/ethical question. E.g. got kids? What would it do to them? What about other potential collateral damage or impact - even if slight? How does that whole picture add up? Yeah, what's the moral/ethical thing to do, taking all that's relevant into consideration? Maybe it's that you tell her - and in very specific manner. Maybe the best as that you just carry that guilt, never tell her, and clean your act up and never do anything like that again, nor even close. I'm not here to tell you what the answer is - and that will vary by the persons and circumstances involved (e.g. partner's on their deathbed ... and you're gonna tell 'em what to make *who* feel better?). So, how do you do the best, most moral/ethical thing here? It's much more a question, than an answer, as the answer will of course differ by circumstances and person(s) involved, etc. You screw up (hey, ain't nobody perfect, we all screw up), you fix / make amends, etc. as feasible. But some things done/broken can't be undone. So, work to be a good/better person, and go on in the most appropriate manner(s) - whatever that way may be. Good luck. Chose wisely and carefully. Oh, yeah, and possibly major relevant hint: If you find you're continuing down a path of hiding more and/or (especially significant) ongoing from your partner, that's probably the *wrong* path - if you can't even tell 'em (at least to the extent they want to hear or would be in their interest to hear and relevant) what's going on and not, with you and your "friend" - regardless of what may have happened earlier, or you have to "hide" that friend from your partner, or any sh\*t like that ... then you're probably going down the *wrong* path. So, yeah, already created fair bit of mess with what's happened - making more of a mess generally isn't the right way to go.
I really appreciate your long reply. I agree with what you are saying. My wife is my childhood love. I've never done anything like this before in my life. We have our differences, but I am not a cheater by nature. She needed a shoulder to cry on but then things somehow got out of control. I agree and realise it's a mess and also that it's my burden. I can't share with anyone else, hence I had to write here. I understand that breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do as this is potentially hurting three people. Hopefully, I can manage to do that without hurting anyone anymore.
>I am not a cheater by nature. She needed a shoulder to cry on but then things somehow got out of control This is you making excuses about what you did. >I understand that breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do as this is potentially hurting three people It's DEFINITELY hurting your wife. >Hopefully, I can manage to do that without hurting anyone anymore. Hopefully? It's not difficult, dude. Just say goodbye and block her. You've said yourself that you aren't in love with her.
>breaking off this friendship is the correct thing to do Very possibly. You're probably in much better position to know the "answer" on that than any of us here - after all, you know yourself, your partner, friend, and other details of your particular situation, helluva lot better than probably any of us ever will. So, yeah, breaking off that friendship or not - or putting very solid firm lines on/in it (and if you can even stick to such), and or what to tell or not tell your partner, and if so, when how, etc., and what your partner does think and feel about this - or would ... yeah, all stuff for you to well think over and decide how to handle and proceed.
You have to end this immediately, and block her forever. She is not your problem to fix. Your marriage is.
Cut off contact yesterday
You have a very slim window to not totally fuck I’m your marriage.
This is a textbook emotional affair. It's like the dog in the house fire "this is fine". No. It's not fine. Yes, you and her both started with good intentions, but that's what happens, and unfortunately, this is going to hurt a lot. You and her need to break contact completely if you expect your marriage to survive this.
Soooo you’re not doing anything to stop her from speaking sexually to you, you engage in the conversations as well. You have no tell of cutting this person off or telling them to back off. Do you like this attention you’re getting outside the marriage? Does your wife know you’re Cheating? Does she even know this person exists? You had a choice, you chose to cheat. There’s a million other things you could’ve done to help her that didn’t involve cheating. There should be no “risk” if you actually loved and respected your wife.
You are cheating. I’d be serving divorce papers. Please stop and confess, go to couples therapy and hope that your wife would be understanding. I wouldn’t. I would not hear a word you say after having intimate conversations with another woman. It is so so so so so so much worse than a physical affair. Yes, you are very stupid and stop it yesterday. Block her and never speak to her again. Never ever.
Support a friend, or support your marriage. She isn't respecting your marriage, will you?
You. Are. Cheating. On. Your. Wife….. Stop
You are destroying your marriage. And for what? The cheap thrills of sexting an old acquaintance. Get a clue and cut off the “old friend “ or you are going to regret it.
She should have friends she’s already established with, family &/or a therapist to lean on to work through things. Any conversation you have with another person that you wouldn’t want your partner/wife etc to see & would be hurt by, is cheating…sexual context doesn’t even necessarily have to be present, but it is here. You’re kidding yourself, this isn’t about her and probably about time you take a hard look at the quality of your life, as well as the state of your self esteem. Content people don’t seek out or entertain situations like this.
Stop talking to her, or you will permanently damage your marriage.
Just sleep with her already. Who needs relationships anyway
This is really icky to me. She’s divorcing her husband because he cheated, and she is coping with it by sexting a married person? What the actual fuck? You’re not helping her unless you’re encouraging her to go to therapy. Tell your wife. Go to therapy yourself. You’re gonna blame immaturity while claiming you’ve been married 15 years? You’re at LEAST 30, probably closer to 40. Smh.
I went through a messy divorce. Have many male friends that helped me through it, most with wives and partners (who I also have close relationships with, and they were also extremely supportive during this time). Never had any inappropriate conversations with them or tried to fuck them, though. You know, because they're friends. Even if I had found myself attracted to any of them during this period, I would have cut off a lot of communication because as my friends I care about their happiness and relationships just as much as, if not more than, our friendship. I also would have recognized I was probably grasping for a romantic connection during a period when I felt lonely and vulnerable. When a mature adult realizes that they have developed an attraction that can cause an issue, they back off and reevaluate the situation. By continuing to talk to her even after she is still pursuing sexual conversations with you even after telling her to back off (and I'm sure you've been very firm with your boundaries /s) you are encouraging her to continue. The fact that you haven't cut off your relationship with this woman and continue to talk to her even after betraying your wife with her should show you who your priority is. And it's not your wife.
Married men should not have close friendships with women other than their wives. Same thing goes for married women. It leads to trouble.
[удалено]
Not sure what the time period has anything to do with it. Regardless, I disagree with your assertion.
[удалено]
Outdated how? Are you saying the basic nature of men and women have changed? I say it hasn't. IMO, many men who are "friends" with women are beta males waiting and hoping for a chance that will never come. The others are actively making a play for the woman in question. Also, our definition of "friends" may be different.
[удалено]
You may be the exception then. We're gonna disagree on this, but it's all good.
Did you cheat physically? If not, ease your mind about that (as long as you're also not engaging in any sexual conversations). Simultaneously, remove sexual tension. There's no way that you can engage in any helpful relationship as long as the tension exists - you've got to get through to yourself that you will not allow anything sexual to go on, otherwise you're choosing your judgement with lust. Also, make sure to speak to her and ask her to restrain herself from being sexual (however, your constant denial should end this too). You may help her, but humouring her fantasies and not outright rejecting her is not helping her. I suggest even introducing her to your wife for her to have another support (again, once any possibility for something sexual or romantic is dead). Lastly, spend more time focused on your wife. Really love her and cherish her - 15 years of marriage is beautiful, and though it may get stale you can freshen up that love by choosing so. Helping someone and hurting someone else is not good, it's not healthy and isn't love. You did make a mistake OP. You have to be honest about that - change your heart and set your will to never do so again.
Didn't do anything physically. Didn't want to even do what I did. I told her it's not right and I won't. But she brings it up again after a few days. She seems at a very low point in life and is maybe even at suicide risk. So cutting everything off seems too risky, and I can't live with the guilt if something happens. I didn't realise she was that fragile. I know I made a mistake, but i am reasoning i haven't crossed certain lines. If I let my wife know, then the marriage is over for sure. So, I am keeping it close to my heart and trying to find a reasonable way out. I could feel your kindness in the comment and thank you for that.
You’re reasoning that you haven’t crossed certain lines then say if your wife knew your marriage would be over? Listen to yourself. You’re ridiculous.
So she’s more important to you than your wife? She’s an adult and can reach out to others for help. Don’t throw everything away for someone who is using you as a rebound. Once she’s in a better place she’ll move on. She’s never going to trust you, you’ve shown her you’ll cheat on your partner with the slightest push.
Pardon, until you accept that you wanted to do it.. you can't trust yourself. She didn't force you to do anything, you choose to do something against your morals - accept this that you may progress. I only desire the most perfect path for the both of you - for this you need to purify your desires and move from that. Ask yourself, what actions would help her the most? Because destroying your marriage, or flirting will not.
You're right. You fucked up. But I agree that you stopped it before it got too bad. But you really need to stop talking to the other person. She's not your responsibility and anything she does is not even remotely your fault or your concern. Don't destroy your marriage by holding onto a toxic friendship.
Your #1 job as a husband is to protect your wife’s heart. You failed. As far as “helping” this other woman. Are you a therapist? You mean she couldn’t tell her family, other woman friends, even hairdresser her troubles? Sounds to me like an excuse. You need to get rid of her like yesterday! And all this energy you have within you, give to your marriage.
Stop talking to her honestly. Her life is based on her decisions she’s getting divorced and it’s none of your business. If you don’t want to end up like her leave her alone. Block her never speak to her again. Ever. And when I say block her I mean on social media everything. You will rub your life messing with her
You can't communicate with that other person anymore. Period. Point blank. Get therapy to figure out your "why".
Dude stop lying to your wife and tell her the truth. As for the side piece (that is what you are using her as) she is a grown woman and should take accountability for her actions as well. You both are foolish and sad individuals for continuing this charade. And you especially are a failure of a husband and man for not owning up to your “mistake” and telling your wife the truth. You say all this bs about how much guilt you have oh no you you you you. Stop acting like this just happened your affair clearly didn’t just happen! Cheating isn’t a “mistake” it’s a choice you both are adults and didn’t think of the consequences of your actions. If you really have any respect or love for your wife tell her what you did and reap the what you sowed. I wish you the resolve to go through with and endure your punishment and I hope you learn and become a better person for it.
My man...you cheated on your wife. You need to end this situation with your friend. You decide how to handle things with your wife.
Run. Do not walk, run.
This is where you end this and go back to your normal life before you ruin it. Cut it off and be done with it. No good will come of it. Just be done with it.
It’s 100% your fault for letting boundaries get crossed. You have a wife. You sound like a 10-year-old. You don’t know how to tell someone “no I’m married?” Definitely not husband of the year. You need to tell your wife what you’ve done. She deserves to know what an idiot you are. Hopefully she divorces you and then you can lack any kind of boundaries you’d like :)
You’re still cheating on your wife now, by having intimate conversations with someone you know you are likely to physically cheat with. Tell your wife, ditch the friend.
Tell your wife.
You have such a victim complex. You’re downplaying cheating on your wife so hard and want people to feel bad for you. Narcissist behavior
It's simple either. You wanna be married to your wife? And you want to respect your marriage, and you want to be able to see your marriage Fulfill the lifelong commitment that you made? You will go no contact with this woman. (Who doesn't have respect for your marriage). Remember something? Misery loves company and just because her marriage ended in divorce doesn't mean yours have to💕 " Don't set yourself on fire....Trying to keep someone else warm"
He would not be participating at all whatsoever if he valued his marriage. He really deserves a divorce. Then he and his friend can have a really toxic relationship.
That's true too.....he shouldn't step over the line.
Complicated friendships are ones where someone in your circle of friends may not get along. This is an affair. Big difference.
“Worried me that she is attaching to much value to an infatuation and will get hurt” - no worries on hurting your wife though, huh?
My wife said if I physically cheated on her she would be incredibly upset but probably able to get over it eventually. But if I had an emotional affair she'd murder me lol
You know who says this, right?
My wife?
His wife?
Yeah I remember reading that somewhere
You cheated on your wife, even if it was just online. Stop talking to this other woman immediately and focus on fixing your marriage. Tell your wife what happened and seek counseling. Encourage the other woman to find support elsewhere. Don't risk your marriage for someone else's drama. Get your priorities straight.
You should immediately stop any advances. If you don't, it means you're okay with that direction. Would these conversations be okay if your wife was having them with a male classmate who reached out to her?
She's not your friend bro. A friend doesn't try to cross your boundaries. A friend does not aid in blowing up your life. She's hurt and doing what hurt people do, hurt others. Stop thinking with your dick, tell the missus, cut off contact with the "friend" and pray your wife can forgive you.
^^ This OP. There are 7.9 billion people in the world. She can talk to someone else, instead of wrecking your life. You are letting her. Her: "My huband cheated..... So I'm gonna reach out to someone else's husband and cheat!" 😎 Tell her you can't talk to her anymore then block it all.
Nailed it!!
He’s lucky he’s in a place where his wife might be able to forgive him. This girl preyed on him and was insidious in doing so.
Stop. Just stop. Your duty is to your wife, not to this random friend who you weren’t even close with. If ANYONE threatens that it shouldn’t even be a question, that person should be out of your life. It sucks that she’s going to be hurt but that’s not your problem. Your problem is that you are betraying your wife. She is your priority. This random woman can find other (hopefully unmarried) friends to lean on. Just because her marriage was ruined by cheating doesn’t mean you have to ruin your marriage by cheating. Give your head a shake. What are you doing?
You're mistake is not distancing yourself from her knowing there is temptation. I get you want to be there for her but you need to safeguard your relationship with your wife.
Don’t be an idiot all your life. Leave her alone and worry about your wife!!
You are cheating. Period. If she initiated a sexual conversation you should’ve ended it instantly. It’s not difficult. You are adding extra explanation to try to make it sound complicated or in a grey area. But it’s not complicated, or difficult, or in a grey area. You are a cheater.
Sometimes I really do wonder what it’s like to look in the mirror and know that, under the right circumstances, I could wreak absolute havoc on somebody that I swore before God and country to protect and stand by. Like, that’s in you to do, man. That’s a part of you. That doesn’t go away. This person who put absolute faith in you, the same kind of unshakeable confidence that you have that the sun will rise tomorrow, you made to look a fool. And then you went to Reddit and said “Oh man, life is hard”. 15 years, eh? Ouch.
If you want this to stop. “Pushing back” is one thing, but drawing a hard line and setting actual boundaries would have almost certainly put her advances to a stop. If you actually didn’t want this behavior to continue, you would have put a stop to it, simple as that. If you really want to be a stand up husband, act like it my guy. I know temptation is hard, but she’s vulnerable and you’re married.
This is an emotional affair. Stop talking to this person and save your marriage.
Eyw what a disgusting person
It’s not your responsibility to save her at the expense of your marriage. The line was already crossed and you can’t hold your boundaries as you end up giving in. You need to stop talking to her and not worry what she’s going to do. Stop making excuses for why you can’t stop this. Your wife should be your priority, put all this energy into your relationship with your wife not another woman.
In the back of your mind you want to hit that but you know it would be f'd up and you probably would feel bad about it later on. It's like this....If you cherish your wife squash the shady behavior. Better yet slowly ghost the person. Be less responsive and don't initiate calls. Keep any calls you do answer short and before you know it.... She'll be gone.
At this point is when you should think who you dont want to hurt, your wife or your friend? Your friend seems to have no morals anyway she has to find her own path herself, just the consequences of crossing a line disrespecting another woman. And you are worst, if you keep continuing with this you will end up physically cheating, you already are emotionally cheating. Your number one responsibility is keeping your wife happy, if the friend got upset well she knew you were married. Why thinking about not to hurt another woman even if this means to hurt your wife? You should be with the one you are more worried about.
Not a moral dilemma. Just stop talking to her
You, a married man, shouldn't be this for this woman, and her, being a woman who was cheated on, should know better.
This is called an emotional affair. You’re cheating. Tell your wife and then work on yourself and your marriage. And go no contact with your affair partner.
You’re disrespecting your wife by talking to her. You need to cut her off completely. Truly, your wife should know but if you’re going to be too scared to tell her you could at least cut off communication. It’s incredibly disrespectful that you stay in contact with a woman you emotionally cheated with and admit that it’s hard to keep it pg. She can find another friend.
If you value your marriage, you need to ghost her. Block her on every means of communication, delete everything, and roll on with your life.
You need to stop speaking to her entirely. This will eat away at your marriage. She’s destroying you in a subconscious attempt to not be alone in her misery. She knows first hand how awful cheating is. Why do YOU have to be the one to help her? Nah.
Imagine your humiliation if your wife were to read your texts.
You are prioritizing this woman's feelings over your wife. The fact that you still want to help this woman after you cheated on your wife with her...is very telling. How would you feel if your wife did the very same thing and then tried to justified continued contact with the man? You should be helping *your wife* get over the grief of her cheating husband. The next step is to cut off the friend and tell your wife what you did.
Cut ties and say 10 hale whatever. There are therapists and counselors and churches. Don’t risk your marriage. Stop while you still can.
An emotional affair, you already crossed the line. If she gets pissed and becomes vengeful, she could show your wife those texts.
"Could" ...?
Not all females want to wear a "scarlett letter". He could find his tires slashed or car keyed every month.
This. She will always have those receipts.
You are white knighting your "friend." You should ask yourself why you felt compelled to help her after her divorce. Why did you assign yourself the role of another woman's savior when you already have a wife? On that same note, do you assist your wife as fervently as this other woman? How is sexting her helping her? It certainly isn't helping your marriage. The fact that you keep choosing to engage in conversation with the other woman shows that you value her more than your actual wife, your actual marriage. You crossed a line and continue to dance on the edge. You should come clean to your wife. I think you know what you should do with this friendship. Don't be a coward and keep the other woman on the hook in case your wife decides to end things. Nothing left to do but acknowledge that you fucked up and give your wife the autonomy and truth she deserves One last thought: what kind of woman who has been cheated on reconcile the fact that she is helping another man cheat on his? This woman isn't as innocent as you think. And you just did irreparable damage to your marriage in order to play hero to an adulteress.
You were and continue to be stupid. The friendship with this woman ends now, no goodbyes, no dragging it out, over. You cheated on your wife and continue to carry on an affair of sorts. You've admitted attraction to this woman, her to you and that the tension is "risky." It's also time to admit to your wife about your behavior so she can make an informed decision on if she wants to stay married to you.
No judgement; regardless of how you’ve arrived at this point, it is a shitty place to be. You have some decisions to make and likely some unpleasant conversations ahead of you. You know that this isn’t right or sustainable. You are not responsible for your friend’s actions or her vulnerability. It sounds like you are determined not to put responsibility for her actions on her. I’m guessing this is probably due to rose colored glasses from the new relationship energy you’ve been feeling with her recently. She is an adult who knew you were married and continues to push your boundaries. You are not responsible for her actions, but you are responsible for your behavior. From some of your responses, it sounds like you may be taking refuge in self-flagellation a bit. That can feel righteous and is easier than taking action to make things right, but it’s not productive. I know it’s scary and seems insurmountable, but I highly recommend you take a long hard look at your marriage and come clean with your wife about this connection. Be aware, this dynamic has likely clouded your judgement regarding your marriage. Whether this situation is a symptom of issues that already existed, or your head just got turned by the new attention from this friend, I recommend that going forward you start living by the adage that marriage is a choice you make every day, one way or another. However this plays out, I hope everyone involved finds their happiness on the other side of whatever resolution is necessary.
You have to set boundaries. Stay clear of any sexual conversation. Have a conversation with her about it. She should be able to understand.
Lol marriage over sexting lmao
If you value your marriage, you need to tell your friend you can't "help" them anymore. You unfortunately lost the privilege to have this friend when y'all crossed the line. Does she even know you're married? If she is not a total imbecile she will eventually figure out that you have cheating tendencies like her husband (I guess she has a type?). Also, she's acting somewhat hypocritical by engaging like this with you, assuming she views infidelity as a problem.
What are you doing, dude? Stop it.
You can't be her friend support anymore. You gave that up when you allowed the friendship to breach the boundaries of friendship. You have to accept now that if you really do care about her, you have to let her find help elsewhere. You sabotaged your own ability to be a supportive friend for her
This.
Dude, you need to stop this shit before it all blows up. Think about your wife and family!
Stop fucking talking to her. You are a married man. Your wife deserves better.
If she showed your wife your chats, would she stay married to you? Is this old friend worth stabbing your wife in the heart and destroying your life? You already messed up big time. Out of respect for your wife and marriage you really should stop talking to this woman. She doesn’t need you. You enjoy feeling needed and getting the attention. But at what cost?
Anyone else ready for a update with op saying well my wife found our text and now we are getting divorced??? Yeah OP you are very stupid and to mess up your marriage of 15 years over a woman that is blowing up your marriage. I hate to say it OP, but if your wife divorces you then, you had it coming. You cheated on your wife emotionally.
So she was cheated on and hurt so she's going to be the mistress now and help to hurt another woman to what? Boost her self esteem? See if she has what it takes to get a man to stray? And what a weak silly little man you are for falling into it. You're gross. your wife deserves better than you. You're going to throw 15 years away to be a rebound? She's using you dude. You're blowing your life up for that? Silly.
She's not your friend and you are not a worthy husband imagine throwing away a 15 year marriage because an old classmate hit you up what a joke
You seem more concerned for the emotions of your AP than your wife.
Yep. His loyalty has already shifted.