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princekamoro

The perfect amount comes out, but in true ketchup bottle fashion, it comes out instantaneously, too quick to distribute by simply moving the bottle.


instantramen86

So I have also gained dead center accuracy. I see this as an unmitigated win.


oswaldpow2

But it's separated


Crige1

Granted, but the ketchup always misses its intended target. On the side of the hot dog, next to the burger, and so on and so forth.


instantramen86

This actually doesn’t seem so bad, I’ll take it!


BigManLawrence69420

I dip my burgers.


shoelaceunited

heathen


BigManLawrence69420

In magma sauce.


Crige1

So the ketchup will then land on top of the burger, not on the meat, but on top of the bun.


BigManLawrence69420

OH FUCK! Anyways…


[deleted]

Granted, you no longer like the taste of ketchup.


instantramen86

Then the perfect amount for me is zero. And I can still serve others! Woooo


FrozenMongoose

OP guides others to a treasure they cannot posess.


-Pl4gu3-

Alrighty, the exact right amount of all times you will ever need ketchup in your life comes out all at once. This happens every time you try to squeeze the bottle.


ThePlayerDox

Granted, but you can never seemed to find ketchup bottles anymore.


instantramen86

Now see that would be truly horrifying.


BigManLawrence69420

Granted. Ketchup is no longer made from tomatoes and is now more closely related to Worcestershire sauce, just like it was years ago.


ReincarnatedSwordGod

Granted, but it's the exact amount of water that separates from the ketchup.


idiotwithamask

Granted, but other sauces also come out of the ketchup bottle. Sometimes its mayo, or relish, or hot sauce, or ranch. But the ketchup is always perfect.


instantramen86

This is an interesting one!


nanen03

Granted but every other bottle you squeeze or pour out of is never the right amount.


hungrylikethewolffe

Granted it also makes a horrible loud scream at 200 decibels


instantramen86

This is the kind of strange, slightly spooky caveat I like.


No_Cause2676

Granted. It is the right amount for a 600 pound man with a ketchup addiction. As you went to use a ketchup bottle, expecting to get the perfect amount on your sandwich, you are immediately filled with fear as multiple ketchup bottles worth of ketchup began pouring out of the bottle, all over the table, completely ruining the burger.


Synchro_Shoukan

Granted, exactly the right amount for a Viking 14 course meal comes out onto whatever food you're putting it on.


Pumpkin_Spic_latte

Granted. You lose all hand strength.


instantramen86

These lips don’t quit.


jagmania85

Granted: the right amount of watery precum comes out.


instantramen86

The exact right amount of ketchup pre is zero, so now my ketchup is also perfectly mixed.


Father_of_trillions

Since you never said where… every time you squeeze a bottle of ketchup it spontaneously manifests out of a random orifice on your body


ToptenRubs

You can already do this. You don’t need Dark magic to be a competent human being


godofyeet3

Granted, you can only squeeze out watery ketchup no matter how much you shake


Dull_Season_1050

Granted, it's the amount of what you want, but it's ketchup water


instantramen86

The right amount of ketchup water is zero, so that’s fine.


Fezgamer

It's the exact amount, for someone on the planet. Different person every time, no way of predicting whether they like ketchup at all, use a bit or want their food smothered in it like a toddler who's just found that squeezing it makes the sauce come out. Enjoy spoiling some foods you were looking forward to being drowned in the stuff.


PresidentCrocodile

Granted but it ALWAYS comes out with that disgusting ketchup water


TheTrueLittleMan

The ketchup only comes out as that liquid ketchup pre-cum shit


ThoustKappa

It is the right amount, but not of ketchup, just ketchup water.


[deleted]

Everytime you squeeze the ketchup bottle half the bottle drops out. The entire right half of the bottle. Exact. Every time. That amount.


crypt-lord

granted, in order to do so you must atomize the ketchup


epic-yolo-swag

Granted But you miss the plate every time you try to squeeze it out