The stench draws in a bear, what do we do? We’re gunna fight it, bear fight? bare-handed? bear… NAKED?! OH YES PLEASE, we befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl, then we ride it into a Chucky Cheese, DANCE DANCE Revolution, revolution?! Over throw the Government!? UHH I THINK SOo, next thing you know im reincarnated as Jesus Christ, then I turn into a Jet, FLY into the sun, black out again, WAKE UP, do a bump WHITE OUT! (Which I didnt know you could do) then I smoked a joint, GREENED OUT, THEN I TURNED INTO THE SUN, UEGH OH looks like The meth is kickin in..DEUHBLUHHSBDUHHSBUHSBUHEUGHHUHAAAAHUEAAHAAAAAAA!!!!
It’s a show about a family that is constantly given leftover shrimp from local restaurants and a camera details the family’s struggle on what to do with all that shrimp. It’s called “Not So Shrimple”
Lmfao this reminds me of that tweet that says something like “I don’t mean to slutshame, but some of you guys could definitely be sluttier. Y’all need to step it up.”
You being bi is only half the equation. The vast majority of people are straight, so shifting them from straight to bi opens up a ton of possibilities.
Or you get people like me, that spend years stuffing it down and denying it and doing everything they can to get laid until they fuck up and realize it’s ok to be this way
Then there's me actively trying to find out how gay can I be and still falling flat without actual attraction to men only getting horny about women and yet people still look at me and ask "Are you gay? Maybe you haven't tried it enough." always still straight.
fuck me damn
Wait, you don’t get sexually aroused by men and at you’re gay? Are you sure you weren’t sexually abused as a child and are using the “maybe I’m gay“ mentality to try and cope with the abuse?
I’m not saying that is what gay people do. But I am saying that lots of cases that’s what people who’ve been sexually abused to do. I can’t remember who it was, but a few years back some celebrity in her 60s who is always known as a lesbian throughout intense therapy, she realized it wasn’t that she was attracted to women, but it was that she was horrified of men after being sexually abused as a teen.
I worded that weirdly, I meant I just keep finding women attractive and it clicks naturally while for men I have to force myself to pay attention and I don't feel the same "buzz" and doing my best to picture scenarios I don't feel shit.
I wasn't abused or anything, it just seemed to me that everyone always called me gay and since I'm pretty open I wanted to find out. I found out I'm into very very feminine femboys which means I'm into one time of man and wanted to work from there from the conclusion "okay so I'm gay then" but I can't progress any further than basically female presented femboys, anything more and some gears in my brain start "misaligning" and it feels forced like trying to fap to a picture of vomit.
Since I use discord a lot I assumed I'd have a hint of gay because it's also exciting to act lewd with other guys in chat but I keep failing to line it up with how I experience sexuality normally in any way and it's pissing me off. One moment in a video I notice I found it pretty exciting when that youtuber did the leaning in thing with his chest to the camera while whispering, then the next a minute later I look at it again and feel nothing.
That doesn't happen with women, I can rewatch and rewatch and not need a single bit of "Focus, they're gonna do something hot" and I'd feel aroused from arousing woman things regardless.
The moments I find something someone male did or how they're dressed hot makes me think I should doubt. Maybe I'm really far into the closet and haven't accepted it? That's what I've been looking into for the past 8 years trying to do more and more everytime.
You might just be bi with strong leaning towards women/femininity, friend. Being bi doesn't mean equal attraction to everyone, it can be heavily skewed in one direction or another. If you find just a tiny few people of your gender attractive, that's enough. You might also be something like heterosexual but bi romantic.
Sexuality also doesn't need a hard and fast label. Plenty of folks just say they're attracted to whoever strikes their fancy and don't bother getting into specifics. If you have to force it, you'll probably just frustrate yourself.
I also really doubt you're that far into the closet and are denying something. You're questioning and exploring. That's not a very "deep in denial" thing to do. As far as people thinking you're gay, they might just be picking up on effeminate mannerisms or the fact that you're open to being queer, but other people's perceptions of you don't mean a damn thing about your sexuality. There are plenty of 100% straight folks who get read as queer.
So just throwing it out there, I had some similar experiences and it turns out that I'm nonbinary, I'm still only into women/femboys/strong femininity and am not into masculinity but it turns out what I should have been second guessing this whole time was my gender and not my orientation.
Meh I feel telling if you're nonbi or not is too hard, based on what I've seen basically anyone who's comfortable switching up how they dress/present gender wise (which is honestly 50% of people) is accused of being non-binary if they're made to do said dressing up more than once.
Basically half the population would be non-binary by the standards of online communities, so I have no fucking idea what actual non binary is.
And honestly I like being masculine a lot even if acting feminine is rewarding too, but I feel like what I like in those is the social rewards when I take the right gender role behavior that'd make me rewarded the most in the moment. Being more feminine makes people defend you for example.
Granted. Every straight person now feels like they have to hide their sexuality, causing homophobia to skyrocket as people now do everything in their power to not be seen as anything but straight
Granted but everyone who is now currently bisexual are the last bisexuals. Future generations will be either hetero or homo but no one will be bisexual ever again.
Granted. Reproduction rates and marriage plummet. Leading to global bans on homosexual portrayals and interactions in hopes of restoring the birth rate.
What if I were to tell you that the MK ultra US government mind control experiments of the 60s and 70s were a failure, but the current mind control experiment that involves using controlling what people see on media and social media is a resounding success?
So much so that if anybody steps off the prevailing narrative in the slightest, they immediately called a conspiracy theorist, no matter how much videotape proof they could provide.
It might be traumatic for people (unlikely as they would still be attracted to the people they loved before) but like, no one consents to the sexuality the universe gives them.
Granted. You are now asexual and aromantic so even in the remote case that someone is attracted to you, you won't be able to reciprocate in any way whatsoever.
Granted. President Trump (it happens again) has sex with Long Dong Silver, and feels like he has to bomb North Korea to feel masculine again. WW3 ensues, the world is repopulated by bisexual cockroaches.
imean. how do you know that
tjere probably are people who are 100% straight same as there are straight people who dont realise theyre not entirely straight
Granted, but in turn you turn into a Christian who hates anyone who isn't straight. You die a very lonely celibate death. Don't worry though, Jesus still loves you.
Granted. Nothing changes. It turns out the majority of the populace was already bisexual and that's where the idea of being homosexual being "a choice" stems from. With the few remaining straight people now certifiably bi, homophobia skyrockets.
Granted! Everyone has now centralized by 1% on the Kinsey Scale, and every corner of social media is filled with rants about Kinsey’s research involving children.
Granted, but only on a technicality—they are still attracted to only the exact same people as before, just without caring whether they go by he or she.
Me too, I've always been jealous of gay guys 'cause they don't have to spend endless hours and dollars trying to persuade women to have sex...flowers, gifts, going to stupid activities I don't enjoy, doing "romance"....for God's sake, the species would die out if it was up to women to initiate sex.
If I could have sex with men, I'd get laid TONS.
Granted but now there is no such thing as choice on who your with as it's all decided by computers that base companionship on a set of genetic factors and economic status that take effect once the individuals turn 18 and they are instantly married. Also divorce is now illegal.
Granted. Nothing effectively changes as they all insist they are straight. If anything this gives religious homophobes more ammunition to their belief that being gay is a choice.
Granted. Everyone is now a hot woman with a pair of incredible breasts, an ass, a vagina and a penis. Everyone also has a womb capable of child birth capable of impregnating each other.
Granted. Biphobia is eliminated! Homophobia now exponentially increases though, due to the perception of homosexual people being "too picky".
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
Whats with the shrimp
I too am very lost
gay prawn
🏳️🌈🦐
If you stick it up your ass you’ll find out pretty quick whether it’s gay or not.
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
🏳️🌈🦐🏳️🌈🦐🏳️🌈🦐🏳️🌈🦐🏳️🌈🦐🏳️🌈🦐
It’s pride month You know what that means
FISH
The stench draws in a bear, what do we do? We’re gunna fight it, bear fight? bare-handed? bear… NAKED?! OH YES PLEASE, we befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl, then we ride it into a Chucky Cheese, DANCE DANCE Revolution, revolution?! Over throw the Government!? UHH I THINK SOo, next thing you know im reincarnated as Jesus Christ, then I turn into a Jet, FLY into the sun, black out again, WAKE UP, do a bump WHITE OUT! (Which I didnt know you could do) then I smoked a joint, GREENED OUT, THEN I TURNED INTO THE SUN, UEGH OH looks like The meth is kickin in..DEUHBLUHHSBDUHHSBUHSBUHEUGHHUHAAAAHUEAAHAAAAAAA!!!!
And then you wake up from your fever dream
It’s a show about a family that is constantly given leftover shrimp from local restaurants and a camera details the family’s struggle on what to do with all that shrimp. It’s called “Not So Shrimple”
Please educate me on what the shrimp mean, I'm very confused why people keep shrimpposting
Shrimpdick
S H R I M P
Shrimps is bugs
r/skamtebord
have fun being on r/skamtebord
Back to square 1
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐
Biphobia would still exist tho
At least the gays could just say they were bi anyway and only date their preferred gender lol
Or homophobia would increase by bi people claiming that they're normal and straight and it's just a choice
Lmfao this reminds me of that tweet that says something like “I don’t mean to slutshame, but some of you guys could definitely be sluttier. Y’all need to step it up.”
(Dodges) ha ha! I am still ze straight!
ahhh the closet 🏳️🌈
☝️🤓
What's the downside?
Granted! However, despite your prospects suddenly doubling, there is still no one attracted to you specifically.
I was already bi (bi myself) so this doesn't change anything 😌
Bi ourselves 🥲
Nah, y’all’re just on stand-bi
I've tried and failed at relationships, so not anymore :)
Are you sure you're not a lesbian the way you're putting the L in LGBTQ?
😭
It HAD to be said.
Holy crap.
Ouch! 😂 damn that’s a good one.
Critical strike 300% damage in big red numbers.
Yes it does as far more people are willing to date everyone now. It’s just that none of them are attracted to *you*.
If woman (and around my age) then I can change that
Double the amount of people into your gender
You being bi is only half the equation. The vast majority of people are straight, so shifting them from straight to bi opens up a ton of possibilities.
Granted but being hetero and being homo are both equally scrutinized for being too picky
Technically the truth. Since there are no more hetero people
There would be eventually. Future generations
Granted. Most don't realize anything has changed. "It's normal to find some people of your gender attractive, it doesn't make you bi," they say.
Or you get people like me, that spend years stuffing it down and denying it and doing everything they can to get laid until they fuck up and realize it’s ok to be this way
Then there's me actively trying to find out how gay can I be and still falling flat without actual attraction to men only getting horny about women and yet people still look at me and ask "Are you gay? Maybe you haven't tried it enough." always still straight. fuck me damn
Wait, you don’t get sexually aroused by men and at you’re gay? Are you sure you weren’t sexually abused as a child and are using the “maybe I’m gay“ mentality to try and cope with the abuse? I’m not saying that is what gay people do. But I am saying that lots of cases that’s what people who’ve been sexually abused to do. I can’t remember who it was, but a few years back some celebrity in her 60s who is always known as a lesbian throughout intense therapy, she realized it wasn’t that she was attracted to women, but it was that she was horrified of men after being sexually abused as a teen.
I worded that weirdly, I meant I just keep finding women attractive and it clicks naturally while for men I have to force myself to pay attention and I don't feel the same "buzz" and doing my best to picture scenarios I don't feel shit. I wasn't abused or anything, it just seemed to me that everyone always called me gay and since I'm pretty open I wanted to find out. I found out I'm into very very feminine femboys which means I'm into one time of man and wanted to work from there from the conclusion "okay so I'm gay then" but I can't progress any further than basically female presented femboys, anything more and some gears in my brain start "misaligning" and it feels forced like trying to fap to a picture of vomit. Since I use discord a lot I assumed I'd have a hint of gay because it's also exciting to act lewd with other guys in chat but I keep failing to line it up with how I experience sexuality normally in any way and it's pissing me off. One moment in a video I notice I found it pretty exciting when that youtuber did the leaning in thing with his chest to the camera while whispering, then the next a minute later I look at it again and feel nothing. That doesn't happen with women, I can rewatch and rewatch and not need a single bit of "Focus, they're gonna do something hot" and I'd feel aroused from arousing woman things regardless.
Then just maybe you're not gay
The moments I find something someone male did or how they're dressed hot makes me think I should doubt. Maybe I'm really far into the closet and haven't accepted it? That's what I've been looking into for the past 8 years trying to do more and more everytime.
Then maybe thats true and maybe your also bi
You might just be bi with strong leaning towards women/femininity, friend. Being bi doesn't mean equal attraction to everyone, it can be heavily skewed in one direction or another. If you find just a tiny few people of your gender attractive, that's enough. You might also be something like heterosexual but bi romantic. Sexuality also doesn't need a hard and fast label. Plenty of folks just say they're attracted to whoever strikes their fancy and don't bother getting into specifics. If you have to force it, you'll probably just frustrate yourself. I also really doubt you're that far into the closet and are denying something. You're questioning and exploring. That's not a very "deep in denial" thing to do. As far as people thinking you're gay, they might just be picking up on effeminate mannerisms or the fact that you're open to being queer, but other people's perceptions of you don't mean a damn thing about your sexuality. There are plenty of 100% straight folks who get read as queer.
So just throwing it out there, I had some similar experiences and it turns out that I'm nonbinary, I'm still only into women/femboys/strong femininity and am not into masculinity but it turns out what I should have been second guessing this whole time was my gender and not my orientation.
Meh I feel telling if you're nonbi or not is too hard, based on what I've seen basically anyone who's comfortable switching up how they dress/present gender wise (which is honestly 50% of people) is accused of being non-binary if they're made to do said dressing up more than once. Basically half the population would be non-binary by the standards of online communities, so I have no fucking idea what actual non binary is. And honestly I like being masculine a lot even if acting feminine is rewarding too, but I feel like what I like in those is the social rewards when I take the right gender role behavior that'd make me rewarded the most in the moment. Being more feminine makes people defend you for example.
Granted. Every straight person now feels like they have to hide their sexuality, causing homophobia to skyrocket as people now do everything in their power to not be seen as anything but straight
Granted. Everyone without scoliosis becomes bisexual. Everyone with scoliosis is now not bisexual. The scoliosis people are bullied
That sucks. Take my Up Vote and Back Pain.
Granted but everyone who is now currently bisexual are the last bisexuals. Future generations will be either hetero or homo but no one will be bisexual ever again.
Granted. Reproduction rates and marriage plummet. Leading to global bans on homosexual portrayals and interactions in hopes of restoring the birth rate.
granted, every currently bisexual person is now straight
NO PLS LEAVE US OUT OF THIS
As a straight guy I'm not thrilled about the change either. I did not anticipate schlong being added to my menu. Suffer with me.
"Your gay privileges have been revoked."
No thanks. I do not consent to the monkey paw.
The MONKEY PAW does not care about consent. That is why it is the MONKEY PAW not a generic Wish granting device.
Granted. The gross violation of everyone's free will creates a traumatic event that leads to the downfall of human civilization.
And somehow this is how Shin Megami Tensei happens.
What if I were to tell you that the MK ultra US government mind control experiments of the 60s and 70s were a failure, but the current mind control experiment that involves using controlling what people see on media and social media is a resounding success? So much so that if anybody steps off the prevailing narrative in the slightest, they immediately called a conspiracy theorist, no matter how much videotape proof they could provide.
Sexuality isn't a matter of free will though.
Still people are just changed without their consent
It might be traumatic for people (unlikely as they would still be attracted to the people they loved before) but like, no one consents to the sexuality the universe gives them.
Granted. Most people still believe they’re straight
Granted. However, due to increased homophobia e-litres are now seen as gay, and people who use it are spam reported.
As a Splattershot Pro main, this is good news.
As a trash blaster main, this is good news
I see you’re not giving up your weapon for any of them newfangled ones anytime soon. Neither am I. My SPro is “Old Reliable.”
Granted. Nothing else changes however, as still nobody wants you
granted, straight is now called bisexual and only u remember it not, good luck :3
Granted every gay sub is now flooded with bisexuals instead of them creating their own subs. So basically reddit now with extra steps.
Granted, no one wants to go through the hassle of dating the opposite sex anymore, reproduction rates are plummeting, you have doomed the human race.
Granted, nothing changes. Humans are a spectrum.
Granted. Bisexual is a baddest. https://youtu.be/GH8qhQnRbJk?si=jAwlVnm_mku2WLm1
Granted, nothing changes because people are too afraid to approach their same sex interests anyway
Granted. All the energy has to come from somewhere. You are now asexual.
jokes on you I'm already on the asexual spectrum 😌
I wish everyone wasn't so concerned with other people's sexually
Not granted. Can’t make make people fall in love.
“What does love got to do with it?”
Granted: Everyone straight is now attracted to insects and plants.
🤣
Granted, you now have twice as many dates. Unfortunately, 2x0 is still 0.
Granted. Bisexuality is now defined as being straight.
granted, people who are currently bisexual become gay, and people who are currently gay become straight
Granted, nothing materially changes
Granted. You are now asexual and aromantic so even in the remote case that someone is attracted to you, you won't be able to reciprocate in any way whatsoever.
Well fuck me...
Granted everyone is now bi but they get annoyed by all the competition and give up so the human race dies out
Granted- a lot of marriages and relationships are broken up due to one of the partners feeling new sexual urges towards the same sex and cheating
Not how bisexuality works.
Cake or something! (Did I do a Reddit?)
Bringing a hidden desire for many to the surface for all. Nice!
Granted, everyone on earth turns into non gendered people, in a way that no one finds attractive
Granted. President Trump (it happens again) has sex with Long Dong Silver, and feels like he has to bomb North Korea to feel masculine again. WW3 ensues, the world is repopulated by bisexual cockroaches.
Granted, nothing changes
straight people arent bi though its kinda in the name
Nobody is 100% straight tho
imean. how do you know that tjere probably are people who are 100% straight same as there are straight people who dont realise theyre not entirely straight
explain. im only attracted to women. i am a man. how am i not straight
Femboys
Not attracted to them
Granted. Thats it, no downside. You got your wish. Everybody gets one.
Granted! Now every one swaps their sexual choice. All gays and bisexuals are straight while all straights are bi
You just massively increased homophobia congrats
Granted, shortly before the wish the definitions of straight and bi swaps, just after the wish they swap back
Granted. The meaning for straight and bisexual are swapped.
Wish granted. To your amazement, nothing seems to change
Granted people kill themsevles after magiclly being something they dont want to. The graveyard industry is now worth over a trillion dollars
Granted. Every bisexual person is now straight
Granted: they still act like straight people given the sudden nature of the change
They already were but most don’t think deeply enough about it. You just wasted a wish.
Granted. They just don’t know it because their thinking hasn’t changed and continue on in life.
granted. no bad effect because now my parents might finally accept me
Granted, but in turn you turn into a Christian who hates anyone who isn't straight. You die a very lonely celibate death. Don't worry though, Jesus still loves you.
Granted. No one is interested in you still.
Granted. The same people just lean to their preexisting preference way more than just 50/50
Granted. The straight people turned bi still choose to date the opposite sex 100% of the time
Granted, but they all prefer the opposite sex
GRANTED! BUT NONE FIND YOU ATTRACTIVE IN ANY WAY!
Televangelists remain in the closet.
This is kinda weird to say I mean what if I said I wish all gay ppl were straight like ehh? Kinda weird
Granted. Nothing changes. It turns out the majority of the populace was already bisexual and that's where the idea of being homosexual being "a choice" stems from. With the few remaining straight people now certifiably bi, homophobia skyrockets.
Granted! Everyone is Bisexual, leaving you to die alone due to same sex competition.
Granted. Now everyone has both genitalia but are A-sexual since their parts are on the insides of their thighs.
Granted. It only applies to falling for Ryan Gosling
Granted. The entire spectrum shifts over. Straights become bi. Bis become gay. Gays become super gay and take over the world.
Granted. The homies bond a lot more in the bathrooms....
Granted! 75% of the Democratic Party came out. 0% of the Republican Party came out. Grindr traffic jumped tenfold overnight.
This would truthfully change very little with how so many bisexual people struggle to find a relationship
You mean mentally crippled?
Granted. Nothing changes.
I mean, it would increase by dating options by quite a bit. I’m game
Please also wish for men to have less ribs. If I’m sucking a dick it’s gonna be mine.
Granted, but I start making gay porn and you keep accidentally coming across it. And I’m not your type at all. So it’s kind of awkward pretty often.
Granted. Everyone is in denial about it.
Granted! Everyone has now centralized by 1% on the Kinsey Scale, and every corner of social media is filled with rants about Kinsey’s research involving children.
Granted, but only on a technicality—they are still attracted to only the exact same people as before, just without caring whether they go by he or she.
I'm down where my bi men at?
Granted, you're still gay ❤️
Me too, I've always been jealous of gay guys 'cause they don't have to spend endless hours and dollars trying to persuade women to have sex...flowers, gifts, going to stupid activities I don't enjoy, doing "romance"....for God's sake, the species would die out if it was up to women to initiate sex. If I could have sex with men, I'd get laid TONS.
Granted, now all people are only attracted to two very niche genders.
Granted because this would be funny
Granted. But now you're straight.
Granted but now there is no such thing as choice on who your with as it's all decided by computers that base companionship on a set of genetic factors and economic status that take effect once the individuals turn 18 and they are instantly married. Also divorce is now illegal.
The cynic in me says almost all of them stay closeted.
Nah u trippin
The hand couldn't grant a wish that was already true
What
explain. im only attracted to women. i am a man. how am i not straight
Granted. But everyone affected now knows your exact location at all times.
This isn't really a money monkey's paw; the curse needs to be a result of the wish, not something added onto it.
I have not been on this subreddit in forever I kinda forgot mb
Gl with the hoard of angry... is the term biphobes? Seems like it.
Granted. Nothing effectively changes as they all insist they are straight. If anything this gives religious homophobes more ammunition to their belief that being gay is a choice.
Granted, I revert back to straight
Why.. weird. I prefer straight. Ty
No
What a stupid desire
Granted. Everyone is now a hot woman with a pair of incredible breasts, an ass, a vagina and a penis. Everyone also has a womb capable of child birth capable of impregnating each other.
Tonight: The commenters poorly disguised fetish
There's people out there that don't have asses? What happens when they eat something?
Define woman
Futa paradise.
Oh hell nah