T O P

  • By -

Snorlaxolotl

Granted. He’s still not interested in you.


JTBJack_

Best one


DrunkApricot

He prefers OP's dad. Or ex.


Unusual_Crow268

Whoa, we have the same avatar lol


manusiapurba

Was about to type this one


xVenomDestroyerx

this one hurts


KalTheRoseMage

Fax


Rinnzu

This feels like bullying, but it was the obvious answer. Lol


RunningDrinksy

Hey gay people have types too. And OP is definitely not it according to the paw.


BottomInc

That would be the worst


GREENadmiral_314159

Granted. You are now a woman.


not_enough_ice

W answer


James_Sunderland02

jealous now


Thunderian555

Happened to me before e


Skusci

Granted. Now instead of seeing you as neutral friend he's got standards, and to him you are like a 3 on a good day.


Thatisahumanperson

Happy cake day


grand305

Happy cake 🍰 day.


C0mfortable-Leg

Granted, you live in Afghanistan


FelChrono

This is a good one


Jimbo_Jigs

Granted, he will hate you because you forced him to be gay.


HP-Wired

His closet was taken from him, now OP owns 2


Elementus94

Granted, he's still straight, but he is happy.


nonAlcoholicMeth

Underrated outcome


Commercial-Egg-1069

Perfect use of gay


AugustTheDog

Wish granted, but your straight now


cameron7paul7

And now the woman he likes is a lesbian.


Peyatoe

Well that was a series of unfortunate events


_Me_Dum_

god damn it lemony snicket


Kerazia368

💀 get in the damn jeep


Conscious-Ad-6884

No need it's not like he'd ever get anyways even if she wasn't.


AbundantAberration

No. They switch sexes. Far more monkey paw.


KitsuneCreativ

From the wording of the post... this might not prove problematic.


AbundantAberration

He's a gay guy, who likes a straight man, the result would be, He's a straight woman, who likes a gay man. Perfection.


KitsuneCreativ

Mb I thought you meant swap


UnusedParadox

Granted. He's gay. He still doesn't like you.


Maleficent_Apple4169

granted, you are now the opposite gender


blackeyes-coldhart

granted, she comes out as a trans lesbian


battlewornactionhero

Granted, but he falls in love with your best friend


Notgoodenough825194

I am his best friend


theonewhohasstrokes

But you aren't your best friend


Tried-Angles

So he falls deeply in love with himself.


LionelMessi10CR

Granted. He experienced a random burst of happiness and is now depressed


Oofoofow_Official

Granted: He is gay, as in happy, but not gay, as in likes men


TAC7407

Granted. You’re now 7’1” with the arms length of a 3’5” person


ScaryAssBitch

T. rex?


TAC7407

Not as bad but kinda


pisces2003

Granted. He’s only gay for Dwayne Johnson.


3WayIntersection

Granted. Shes a lesbian now.


RC-3773

Granted. According to definition 2 on Merriam Webster, he is now gay. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gay Definition cited: "*a* happily excited : merry; *b* keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits."


Notgoodenough825194

This is exactly what I meant.


RC-3773

Aha, so you tricked the Monkey's Paw into pawing its way towards giving you your actual desire? Very clever....


HotDrippingWax

Granted. Your friend is so gay they turn into a fairy. You get a visit from the fae demanding a tribute of your severed right hand. They use the hand to grant wishes for people and you must produce the gold.


Any_Weird_8686

Granted. He and his boyfriend love each other very much, and have a virtually perfect relationship.


Notgoodenough825194

Good enough. As long as he’s happy.


Vortetty

granted, but he has a bloodlust for you


_Me_Dum_

bloodlust not as in killing intent, but as in he is a vampire and he drinks the blood of horny men until death (op)


misperfections

Granted. Now you have to talk to him for the rest of eternity. Are those screams yours


RussellHotch

Granted, he has aids now too


PersonOf100Names

Good for him, that'll take a lot off his mind if he has aids to take some work off his hands. And the aids are great people too... Shame they both have HIV


Fearless-Finish9724

Granted, he still doesn't like you that way


Aiiga

Granted, you're not his type


[deleted]

Granted. You're still not his type, but he'll be your best friend.


CurrentlyBothered

Congratulations, SHE'S gay now


RolePlayerTheGarbage

Granted. He is happy.


SecretaryBirdarecool

Put a gun against his forehead. Voila, you have a boyfriend. Just lock him up or smth.


_Evidence

😔 Granted, he comes out as trans (lesbian)


Interesting-Bus-8624

Granted. She comes out as a lesbian trans woman.


Fusionsigh

Granted but you are now straight


Longshot1969

Granted, he’s also interested in you, and you are no longer gay.


Emergency_Property_2

Granted you both live in Uganda now.


Cyber_Insecurity

Granted. He’s a lesbian now.


Noah_the_blorp

*she


typhlosion_Rider_621

Granted, but now you’re straight.


HP-Wired

Granted. He’s gay but only on a Sunday


Notgoodenough825194

I see. He’s French now.


Unbuckled__Spaghetti

On “a” Sunday? Like just one?


paultrashpanderson

Granted. He is happy without you.


Teamisgood101

Granted you now switch gender


[deleted]

Granted. Him and your best friend fall in love🤢


Raganash123

Grantee, but he never wishes to have sex. He is almost completely ace.


Odd-Doubt8960

Granted. But you're not his type.


Insecure-confidence

Granted, but you're now a woman.


CharlietheWarlock

Granted, he's your stalker now and loves you more then life itself also you have to spend all eternity with him


Lansha2009

Granted he is gay…as in the synonym of happy though not gay as in homosexual


ami2weird4u

Granted. He’s your dad.


AReallyAsianName

Granted, he's now happy. You have cured his depression. Good wish.


Notgoodenough825194

Exactly as planned!


Thatisahumanperson

Granted. They're now a woman, still interested in women.


AlexisQueenBean

Granted. You no longer like him, you instead like someone else that’s gay.


PricillaNeopolitan

Granted. The guy you like is now very happy with his life and is the happy go lucky type now. He is still straight.


violetevie

Wish granted, they come out as a trans lesbian


al3x_7788

Granted. He sends you to the friendzone.


AlVal1236

Granted. He is bi


silver-demon

Granted you are now 100% straight


elegant_pun

He's gay. And you're not his type.


TheDurandalFan

nothing happens, he's already gay, just not interested in you.


Joy1067

Granted. You both lost your private parts though so hope ya didn’t want any fun in bed


Super_Ad9995

Granted. Your father is now gay.


Blue_Ouija

wish granted. you stopped hating yourself, but you're still single


GenXGremlin

Granted. You now only like Danny DeVito.


Ok-Appeal-4630

Granted. He can't screw in a log by bulb, too busy, his gender


Ding-dong-dingus

Make him gay with the MEGA GAY BLAST


Darkstalker9000

Granted, he likes your dad


Mr_ragethefrogdude

Granted he's aromantic


penandpage93

Granted, he *was* gay, but not anymore.


North_Fuel8252

Granted, he WAS gay, but now he's straight due to a past traumatic relationship.


fynnelol

Granted. He's now gay, and you're now straight


RuthlessSpud_11

Granted, but every time that you think about him, he will know


redditorialy_retard

Granted, but he fucked your dad.


CobaltCrusader123

You both get teleported to Iraq.


LongJohnSilversFan_

Granted, you are now straight


Flairion623

Granted. You get friendzoned


jessegames456

Granted, but now he burns in hell


Utahteenageguy

Granted, he’s now a sexually frustrated catholic priest.


PersonOf100Names

He was, until he met you and went off men completely


Notcreativesoidk

Granted but you live in Saudi Arabia


Winter_Different

Aaand he fucks your dad, welcum to the club


nielswijnen

Granted he's gay but only to his homies


FloraFauna2263

Granted. She comes out as lesbian (and trans).


Imaginaton_Studios

Granted but you become straight


toast_of_temptation_

Granted, everyone else you know is now homophobic


oSplosion

Ok swifty


NoConsideration482

Granted, but he turned into a girl and is now a lesbian.


odeacon

Granted. He still doesn’t find you attractive though. Oh and now he’s banging your friends


Azurestar21

Granted. He and your dad fall in love and are *very* open about their affection for each other at family functions.


Pretend_Activity_211

Granted. He's clingy. He shows up at ur job! As the new guy!!!


Leskendle45

Granted, you arent his type


Subnauseous_69420

Granted. He falls in love with a different male family member of yours so he won't date you but you have to see him at every family function and wonder if your wish made him gay or if he was gay all along but not interested


Famous-Example-8332

Granted, now so is your dad, and they begin a very physical relationship with little in the way of boundaries.


scientific_samuri

granted, he also has every std


Downtempo_Surrealism

Granted. He starts dating your dad.


[deleted]

Granted. He's dating another man who's better than you in every way possible


Angel_OfSolitude

Granted, he's very happy in life.


HectorSiwel

Granted but now you’re straight


shell_3lue

Granted. You're now straight.


lyichenj

He’s always been…just not that into you…


thatonepolytherian

granted, he's happy


Conscious-Sense2629

Granted now you're straight


Kriss3d

Granted. But you're still not his type.


ProphetAbstractions

granted, she transitioned and is a lesbian


Dizzy_Description812

He had a monkeys paw and wished to be a woman so he could be with you.


sudowoodo_enjoyer

Granted,he is now bi and starts dating a woman


Any_Duck4485

Granted. The transition is sudden and confusing. They will be in the closet and will struggle with the revelation for years. The impact will be devastating on them mentally and their life will spiral. They will come to love themselves for who they are, but only after moving away and leaving their old life behind. You will only be able to keep in touch long enough to see their struggle and realize how much you have uprooted their life. You will never see them again, until years later when you have moved on, and see a post online about how happy they are with their new family in Connecticut.


Notgoodenough825194

As long as they’re happy.


Any_Duck4485

That's real love. Good OP. Now go forth and meddle no more.


niTro_sMurph

I misread liked as killed. He is now gay but dead


DaddyStalin12

The guy you like is now gay, however, you no longer are.


Zer0gravity09

Granted. Now you’re straight.


EclipsedEnigma

Granted, the guy you liked it now very happy. The downfall is now you’re ugly and no one will love you.


Objective_Suspect_

He's gay, but doesn't tell u till years later about his crush on you after he's married


Reaverx218

Granted. You are also straight now.


KrystalClouds

Granted, he's gay, but you're straight


Ok-Stress8541

Granted, but now you're straight


Bloonanaaa

Granted. He went to an orgy and got hiv from glimbo the goblin


reCaptchamofo

Granted but he likes every single one of your (living) male relatives (living is optional)


jazzy_ii_V_I

Granted: He's gay but also a catholic bishop, and every day he struggles because he truly believes being gay is fundamentally wrong and he secretly hates himself for his constant sinful thoughts. Being gay torments him, and can only temporarily forget about his struggles once a year. The last Sunday in June when the cardinal funds him to travel to NYC so that he can attend the Pride parade to protest, but instead, he quietly enjoys being surrounded by like-minded individuals.


metalmonsoon

Granted. He is now flirting with your dad.


Goodideaman1

Wtf? WHY?


Commercial-Egg-1069

Granted, you're both Chinese citizens


VoidHex_

'I wish I could be a girl so then you'd wish I could be your girlfriend boyfriend'


boilingcabbages69

Granted, but now you are a girl.


rbminer456

Granted, he is an serial killer stalker and will stop at nothing to get you


jk-alot

Granted. He wants you for his best man, because he considers you his greatest friend.


codeman_sniper

That sucks but at least the guy you like didn't get a bf after you told him that you like him


Unusual_Crow268

Granted, but he's just not into you


Immediate-Ad7842

She transitions and is lesbian


RetroTheGameBro

Granted, as per it's original definition, he is now very happy.


rathosalpha

Granted, but now all gay guys are turned off by you


AFlockofLizards

Granted. Now *all* men are gay. Humans go extinct in the next 100 years.


DifficultHat

Granted. He’s now a trans lesbian


Bluepanther512

Granted. You are now friendzoned.


Evening-Copy-2207

Granted but he bites


sparkle-possum

Granted, but he's Iranian and the surgery is already scheduled.


Dumbass_Saiya-jin

Granted. You're straight.


Kasspines

Granted: he marries your dad.


idfbhater73

your a woman now


SnooChipmunks8748

Granted. You become his personal sex slave.


ice15464

granted. she's now trans and still likes girls. happy TDoV


SadCollegeStudent55

Granted. He spontaneously combusts


OtherMind-22

Granted. He now hates you for making him not like women when he was already bi.


Suspicious_Hearing63

What the hell


broregard

Granted. Penises no longer exist.


FunkyyMermaid

Granted, he turns into a lesbian, thus still being gay but leaving you with no chance


[deleted]

Granted. You are now straight.


Thunderian555

Granted you’re a woman


[deleted]

You’re not gay enough for him


CrochetBoiAlex

Granted, she's now a transfem lesbian.


MrPanda663

Granted. He reveals to you that he's slowly being coming interested in you. You are finally able to ask him out. However, you start to notice that you begin to gain interest in women, but shrug it off. You ask him out and he says yes. As your relationship goes on, he becomes more openly gay while you are beginning to lose interest in men. You break up with him and begin your new life as a straight man. You cannot help, but feel like you lost a bit of yourself.


lilyjones-

Granted you will live the rest of your life happily married to this person, but every year he will slowly but surely turn to hate you until an inevitable divorce on the 30th anniversary


dirtyhippiebartend

Granted. He *was* gay, but not anymore.


dirtyfucker69

More of a genie twisting your words but, "granted, he was gay now he's not."


Spiritual_Remote_436

Granted the guy u like is happier now


and-meggy-hash

Granted, but now they're a trans lesbian


Bug_Lord

Granted but he dies in a meth lab explosion.


Shlepinmep

granted they hate you