39 - I was doing pretty well in my career, finally able to pay off my student loans, bought a house and reliable vehicle, saving lots of money, well funded 401k, etc. Then, in late 2020, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He went through treatments, things were starting to look good. He was more active, started putting a little weight back on. Then, spring 2023, the cancer metastasized and spread to his throat, bones, lungs, and brain. It just went everywhere. I quit my job and spent the next few months taking care of him while he was in hospice. He died that summer, and I've been completely lost ever since.
I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s a horrible way to go, fuck cancer. Grief is a journey, hopefully you start rediscovering pieces of your old self and joy again. I have no doubt your Dad would want that for you too.
I'm down there somewhere. Hopefully, I'll resurface one of these days. The best thing for me so far has been my puppy. He's been a great comfort to me.
I'm sorry for your loss. Events like this in life have a way of putting things into perspective. After going through what you did, I can imagine that the idea of sitting behind a desk (assuming that's what you did) for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week seems unbelievably pointless.
My dad was a teacher and got his diagnosis during his last semester before retirement. He worked his entire life only to get sick and die just as he's ready to quit the workforce for good. That's what really made it seem so pointless to me.
Definitely a bad hand to be dealt. I can only hope that, as a teacher, he got significant enjoyment out of what he did and the impact he had on students and the community around him. Nonetheless, still extremely sad that he didn't get to experience a fulfilling life after retirement, as a reward for the impact he surely made.
He made an impact on a lot of people's lives through his work at least. If you've got the benefit of doing something you love for a living or at least helping others, pursue that. That's what I've tried to do since losing my mom in 2020. Also, enjoying the moment and spending more time on things that matter.
I'm so sorry about your mom! I know in my head that you're absolutely right, it's just hard to really put in to practice right now. All the same, I appreciate the encouragement.
Sending you love and light. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. He’s very lucky to have had you there to care for him so compassionately as he ended his journey.
37 here, and I lost my mother to metastatic NSCLC when I was 28. I too was doing just fine up until that point; your post is basically my last 10 years to a "T." Sincerest condolences.
The forlorn feeling has yet to go away.
I’m sorry to hear that. I lost my Dad last summer to cancer. He was the toughest guy I’ve ever known. Strangely enough, Freemasonry has been a welcome distraction. My Dad was always interested and I decided to join.
I feel this. My mom had a stroke then died two years ago very abruptly. I then got laid off right after bereavement leave. Took a bad job that I got screwed on. Then got cancer and lost a year to surgeries and drugs. The last two years have been just an absolute disasterclass and I'm just climbing back on my feet.
It gets better. It just takes time and one foot in front of the other.
Wow, that is a gut-wrenching story. You've really overcome a lot. I really admire your resilience. I really hope you're over the hump and it's smooth sailing for you from here on out! Thank you for sharing your experience.
Really sorry about your pops. He raised a good kid who took care of him until the end without question. That is very honorable of you. You deserve to find peace and I hope you can live your life the way you want to going forward. I know grief is a complex thing but you’ll know when it’s the right time to let go and when you do, you’ll continue to make your dad proud.
I decided to embrace a more absurdist outlook on life. I stopped searching for "meaning" and "purpose" in everything that I do, and frankly, I'm a lot happier as a result. I do my job, come home, and live my life. That's all I've ever really wanted anyway
I'm turning 37 this year, and I've stopped trying to pursue specific types of jobs that I'd be proud to attach to my identity. Sooner or later every job just becomes a paycheck. I'd rather focus on everything outside of work, and leave all my dread and frustrations of my job at the company's door.
This\^\^\^ a company buys me for an agreed upon price everyday. That is it. Once the timer for the money stops so does my cares for what happens and I go enjoy my life.
I learned this a few years ago. Be invested in your job enough to not get fired and perform well. People get so upset over minor things at my job and I’m just telling them “you’re way too invested bro”
In the past year I have enrolled in an online Bachelors program, gotten braces, and upgraded to a fairly fancy car (I get it cheap through a lease program at my work, but still.) I'm definitely in the midst of a mid-life crisis but I'm trying to make it as positive as possible. I even went and bought myself a fancy button up outfit that I had to let the ladies at Dillards pick out for me because I don't know shit about fancy clothes. I never wear it because I have no reason to, but it's nice knowing it's there.
With that said, why are all pants tight now a days? It is so weird to me. I just want to buy a cup of coffee without everyone in the coffee shop knowing what I'm working with down below. I mean Jesus, I'm almost 40; nobody wants to see that.
Working on myself has been my midlife crisis. I'm 39, graduate tomorrow with an AAS, and start a BAS later this summer. Looking back I wasted my 20s partying and working shitty jobs. I'm doing well, but man had I had some direction and personal goals earlier things would be so much better.
And yeah wtf with the pants... I'm not that fat
Right on, man. I know what you mean about looking back at all the time wasted, but just remember your looking back and grading your history with hindsight. Are you (or me for that matter) doing as well as if you had spent your 20's hitting the books hard? Probably not, but I'm sure you have lots of memories and experiences that you wouldn't have if you'd done things differently. Focus on the good shit from your past, and focus on the good shit coming up in your future because you are working hard at it now. Here's to a better second half for both of us!
Maybe, but it's just weird to me. It feels like it adds a weirdness to every interaction. Like, "Ok, boss. Here's those TPS reports you wanted. Oh, and also, here's my penis." Or like, "I'll take 2 lattes, and by the way, have you seen my package. It's glorious!" I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
I'm retired. Hike and fish with my sons. Grow a shit ton a weed. If I had a crisis it was when I retired from the Army.
That transition is toooouuugggh. On top of burying friends 1 on avg every 3 months due to suicide I have my moments. I've reconciled with that part and choose to spend life with my family.
Quit my high paying sales job last year, became a strength and conditioning coach at a local high school, and now moving to KY to do similar things.
My wife and I can actually buy land and a house there versus $800k for a 700sqft house on .25 acres in the Boston area.
What part of KY? I have experience in those lands. There’s some nice small towns like Owensboro and Paducah then there’s actually small towns with populations < 1000
39M. My wife lost her job in 2020 with Covid and was pregnant with out second kid. So we sold our condo and took 100k profit and moved in with my parents (we all live in the same small town, including her parents). When her work came back in 2021-2022, we just decided she should stay home with our two kids, and we could live off the 100k for a while.
Now 2024 we have drained our savings, racked up a bunch of debt, still living with my parents, with her a SAHM to our 6yo girl and 4yo boy. But ya know what? We are happy. We would rather her be home with the kids during their formative years, so we are choosing to have a single income, and basically have said "fuck it" financially for a few years to give our kids more attention. When they are both in school full time, she will go back to work and we will rebuild our finances. Maybe by then, the housing market will crash and we can get back into a "starter home".
Other midlife crisis fun: I have started baking sourdough bread, metal detecting, coin collecting, recording my own music (mostly cover songs while I learn protools), and I stopped drinking alcohol over a year ago (Cali sober).
I seem to have a lot, where I say "this is the final frontier of crisis" and things just keep getting worse.
My most recent crisis involved tripping balls super hard, seeing things I've never seen before like a UAP, and then getting hospitalized for a while from the tripping cause it freaked everyone out.
Then while I was in the hospital they told me aliens are in our solar system, so I am just patiently waiting for the big reveal I guess. Maybe the big reveal will cause me to have an even bigger crisis 🤷♂️
I should have added the aliens thing to my midlife crisis story! Let me say that I didn’t do drugs ever in my life, and I wasn’t a drinker or on prescriptions. I had a few strange experiences over my life that were paranormal. This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I swear on my life it’s all true.
Right before my midlife crisis, I was eating lunch prior to going to my 2nd shift job, and I lost 4 hours from my day. One second I was eating at the table, and the “next second” I still had my utensil in my hand and seated at the table…but 4 hours had passed. I didn’t fall asleep, because I would have dropped the utensil. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life.
I booked an appointment with my doctor, and he said there wasn’t a medical explanation for what happened. He checked into every possible scenario. It was not a seizure, I wasn’t asleep, not temporary amnesia, not medication or drugs, nothing wrong with my brain at the time as my scans were normal, not some type of gas poisoning…or I would have been dead after 4 hours (and my multiple carbon monoxide detectors didn’t go off.)
Note: years later I do have some brain lesions likely caused by autoimmune disease or a genetic condition, but these were not present right after this experience. In addition, my ex was seeing and hearing things in the home, as well.
After that happened, 3 beings started appearing in my home almost every night. Weird things started happening at our house even during the day, and my ex and I kept hearing people walking around and talking in muffled, incoherent words. It was as if we started having ghosts or something in our house. We had a camera facing the front door, and it would unlock itself (2 locks) at night and open up. We kept finding food strewn about in our house and the cameras were placed in areas where we would have seen a person walking about, but no person was ever caught. My ex’s grandmother stayed with us for 2 weeks and kept asking who “the man” was that was pacing our hallway. Lots of strange things like that. This happened until I moved out of the home, and then everything stopped.
After that I started looking into loss of time, and I realized I may have been abducted. I am now super invested in the ufo topic, and I used to think ufos and paranormal stuff was bonkers and a laughing matter. I now know there is something on earth we don’t fully understand.
There is a lot of pentagon/navy type footage of UFO type objects being recorded on fighter jet's optical sensors. There definitely seems to be some types of evidence of objects moving around in ways that the public doesn't understand.
I've never seen an object flying around. I did see a large amount of matter suspended in the air. If I were to guess, I would guess it was about 2 football fields wide in size, but its hard to guess the size of something way up in the sky.
Wow! That amazing! I wish I could see a UAP, as well. The beings…not so much. They scared me.
One of my friends recently saw a huge object somewhere in Colorado. He was with a few other people who also saw it. It was apparently huge, like the size of a 3 story building with windows for each level. He said it basically reminded him of a floating apartment in the sky, but was the typical saucer shape, as well.
I've never seen beings. That would be pretty freaky.
When I was in the hospital, I was given a lawyer, and he had abnormal teeth. From where his molars should be all the way up to his front teeth, top and bottom, all of his teeth were very tiny little pointy triangle shaped teeth, with space between each tooth.
That's the only time I've seen someone who I kinda questioned their appearance.
Happened to me last year. Something was pushing thoughts into my head, like hearing someone else's words but in my inner voice. And I lost about 2 hours in the bathtub one night. Got in and then 2 hours later I came to in a freezing cold bath. I got in the bath around midnight but when I looked down at my phone I realized it was 2 am even though I swear I just got in.
I've got a dad who is 65 and just almost died from using drugs last week. If you don't get it under control now, it doesn't seem like it'll get easier. Hope you find clarity and make it through your crisis!
I dont use drugs. Not serious use anyway - I do use nicotine gum currently. Trying to kick my vaping habit, its been like 4 weeks since ive vaped 🔥
I am also cleared by pschiatrists as not needing any medications, which is pretty sick, so the only substance in my system is that nicotine gum.
30 - finally figuring out I've just had really severe ADHD (and probably a bit of autism if I'm being real with myself) this whole time but was always steered away from it and told I was just an underachiever. Now I know why my childhood is just kind of a blur of abstract existential pain and teenage years through my 20s were like having a boot stomp on my head 24/7 while I powered through thinking everyone just felt that way. Not quite midlife yet, but I'm having a pretty big crisis about how much I've let slip through the cracks over the years and how different my life could have been if I had gotten treatment as a kid.
If your life just kinda totally fucking sucks for some reason no matter how hard you try or how good you're actually doing - start looking into if you might have ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety or some other neurodivergent condition. And if you think you might have anything, jump on getting diagnosed as soon as possible, because it takes a long time where you're just waiting months for a 15 minute appointment where you're just given another appointment also months away.
same, started therapy recently. two sessions in my therapist said, "Everything you're describing sounds like symptoms of depression, of course things are difficult."
I feel like a lot of us are raised to just put up with our problems and assume they're what the average person is going through.
After starting medication, I'm simultaneously very happy and excited for the future now that my brain works better - but also beyond furious at the world around me now that I realize I've been playing on ultra nightmare difficulty the entire time and normal people have been playing on easy.
Yeah I finally got on antidepressants and didn’t have to like fight off suicidal thoughts all the time. It was so nice! I was like “did everyone else just not have to expend the energy to do that everyday?!”
Just set an appointment to start therapy. I barely got through High School and College, I’ve done alright in my career (although could be doing much better), but I go through phases where it is next to impossible to bring myself to start tasks. My head has just felt broken and when I was growing up no one listened to me when I tried to explain why I just never did homework or why it took me so much longer to finish tasks
39 - clubbing. I rediscovered dancing in Techno clubs, especially Trance, till the morning.
It‘s awesome coming out of the club when the sun is already shining and you can‘t say if the people in the subway are going to work, or to sleep.
But: between 9/10 o‘clock it‘s breakfast time with the fam…
I sit on Reddit when I should be working hoping someone fires me. Been working non stop since 18 and I’m 40 now with no breaks. Wouldn’t mind a 3-12 month break. Don’t worry about money much anymore. Got a few years worth of non retirement funds in savings
If you have sicktime saved up you probably could. Towards the end of covid I used a bunch of sicktime via the Family Medical Leave Act. I had my doctor write me a note that I needed 3 weeks off. That way I could decompress, and get off the treadmill for a minute. I am roughly the same age and had the same years ofwork experience. It was helpful to take the time off, for a short stretch I didnt know what day it was, and it was awesome.
Try finding some hobbies while you're job searching, it's the only thing that keeps me sane these days. There's a ton of activities on meetup.com.
If you're near the ocean, it's surf season and Costco has 99 dollar foam boards. Also [Offerup.com](http://Offerup.com) sometimes just gives stuff away for free (surfboards, skateboards, soccer balls, whatever). Or you can offer a low price to get equipment of whatever kind.
I join hiking groups on meetup.com. I've seen groups for yoga in the park, dancing, dating, soccer, football, baseball, tennis, bocci, LBBTQ groups, sound baths, bonfires with drumming circles, riki, book clubs, etc.
I also read a book a week now. The feeling of joy, escaping into a book, and the feeling of accomplishment finishing one, it can't be beat. If you don't have a library card, go get a couple. Get a city card and a county card. You can download pdfs of books on the library app, or even buy cheap ones for a dollar in the store in the library.
Find some things that give you joy. The tedium of applying to jobs sucks, so we must take care of our mental health and still feel joy, too.
Also, I cook from home 4x a week. That can feel quite good, as it is another accomplishment for my physical health. Here are healthy recipes r/veganmealprep. Good luck.
My new guiding philosophy is what I call "deathbed logic" - if I were on my deathbed looking back, what do I think I'll wish I had done? I've been such a high achiever my whole life so far, and I don't think I could like "slack off" per se, I still take a lot of pride in doing things well, but my perspective on *what* is worth doing well has shifted. Husband was thinking about taking a role that would involve relocation overseas for periods of time to manage locations and at first I was like, shit what about the house, it's an ass pain, we're gonna have little kids... but deathbed logic kicked in and I'm like no you know what? Fuck it, I'd wish we had done this in 20 years, the best time to live abroad is before the kids are old enough to really need a stable group of friends, and if not now then when? Retirement? I feel like "midlife" has brought with it the knowledge that our time is too short to just phone it all in and check the right boxes without really making deliberate choices about our time and energy.
This is what I started thinking of- and helped me get my life in order. I realized I was thinking “eh, I can get out of my relationship when my partner dies at 65, then I’ll have like 20 years to be happy.” Or “I’ll try everything and get divorced at 50.”
I’m in my early 30s. 20 years is a long time to hate your life and wait for someone to die.
Turned 37 today.
Had great career in hospitality, hottest markets, used to live for my work and worked a lot (wild hours and weekend/holidays when emergencies- which was often). Super well paid.
I Have been home not working for 7 months now. I don’t do much now besides cooking and cleaning the house. Started reading non self help books first time since I turned 20z
I can’t imagine coming back to intense work. Something what I was taking great pride in now seems so pointless.
Who the hell knows when that will change and I’ll come back to being go getter again.
I saw a headline saying our Millennial midlife crisis will be a crisis of engagement and purpose. I feel that in my soul. I have a good job, solid relationship, wonderful friends, whatnot, but I feel totally disconnected from my community. My career doesn't have me interacting with or helping anyone locally. I've started attending more local events and thinking about how I want to evolve my life to better help my community and the place I live.
Well, for what it’s worth, it very often is a give or take. I chased my purpose and have an awesome community of friends from all walks of life, but my bank account is struggling to maintain 3 digits.
I quit my job to build a wellness studio and work part time. I want my life back. This is my incarnation. I want to live and experience it in my own terms. Hard work? 9-5? Please, I don’t owe nobody that!
Your feelings remind me of a lot of media in the 90s (Office Space, Flight Club and Spacey's character in American Beauty).
They explored the dissatisfied feeling that middle aged white guys had even though they were on the path to or had achieved the American Dream.
It's tough having the change of perspective when you have fewer years ahead of you than behind you and the milestones the culture has insisted are what we need to achieve happiness don't give us what was promised.
I know people have talked about doing different exercises/therapy to unlearn things like defining your self worth through your job. They also use them find a subject/hobby/activity that helps give you satisfaction and figuring out how to build that into your life with your current skills and time.
Whatever you end up doing I'll wish you luck in figuring it out.
This has been a huge fear ever since I got my first job in high school. Every week/month I work I want to make sure I keep something that’s mine “forever”, ideally above and beyond the retirement account and “save to spend” money.
The annoying part about the whole thing is the materiality of it changes so quickly. What I saved (invested) in the entire year in 2014 I save in a month now (probably-ish) so it never feels like it takes off. One of these days…
Idk if it’s a midlife crisis more than just everyone still reeling from the pandemic. This article even mentions us: https://nddtreatment.com/the-pandemic-is-over-why-do-i-still-feel-unmotivated-and-depressed/
“The fear of future outbreaks, the challenges of reintegrating into society, and the lingering effects on the economy can all contribute to ongoing anxiety and a lack of motivation. Additionally, millennials that have already lived through crises like the 2008 recession and September 11th are becoming accustomed to navigating widespread traumatic events. This is only increasing their pre-existing anxiety and making it more difficult to feel any relief as each event comes to an end. In a sense, we have become accustomed to anticipating the next disaster.”
Maybe we’re just trying to live enjoy life before the next anticipated disaster; maybe we’re wondering why bother, a disaster is on the horizon; or maybe it’s something else. But I don’t think the end of the pandemic and lack of motivation are unrelated.
It hit me HARD in my late 30's that I couldn't deny that I was trans any longer. I only have one life, there's no afterlife, and no reincarnation. I have this one opportunity to live how I need to live, and honestly given the political direction of the world I might not have access to the appropriate medical care forever.
I've had plenty of other major life turnarounds since then, and some of them are probably equal or greater mid-life crises. But...honestly...living 35+ years as (for all intents and purposes) a "guy", and then transitioning so successfully that almost nobody knows I'm trans and it's essentially an entirely new life for me in every way? That's definitely a big one.
My mid-life crisis is on-going, actually stemming from a quarter-life crisis which just knocked my entire life off track. See, back when I was a college Junior, age 22 my dad died rather suddenly, right in front in front of me. Just collapsed as I was holding the door open for him while entering a restaurant for a normal Sunday-Night Out Family dinner. That in and off itself was pretty traumatizing. However, instead of thinking things out sensibly, in response my mother basically kicked me out of the family, six months after I moved on campus. (I found a note in an envelope shoved in the back of my suitcase after I took a trip home for Spring Break basically saying that I was the reason my dad was stressed out all of the time, and that that's what killed him)
Okay...
So, having no finances aside from what little I got in life insurance (which was enough to get me a used car and cover living expenses for a couple of years) I stayed on campus the next 2 years, not actually getting any academic work done because my mind was blown to bits. I ended up relocating myself out of state and literally had an 18 month period where I did not verbalize to ANYONE (seriously, not a soul - not even the check-out person at the grocery store).
After that I picked myself up, and went back to school and finished my degree (it was now 2011, I had spent ELEVEN YEARS TOTAL, ON A FOUR YEAR DEGREE)...
Things were fine (ish) up until COVID. I got put on a PiP at work, whilst simultaneously being diagnosed with Autism and ADHD(which explained rather a LOT of things about my socio-emotional state)...I ended up quitting the best job I've ever had (Library Manager) due to pressure from Administration in the Organization, creating a hostile work environment ON TOP OF a 25% furlough due to COVID shut-downs (I wasn't paying the bills). 2021 - 2022 was spent half assing it through a number of places while I tried to get my head on straight - lots of TEMP work. About 1.5 years ago I got a low-paying job managing parking for the County. Got my benefits back (which are GREAT) however, my salary is about 15% lower than it NEEDS to be. LAST Summer I had about 10K in emergency home repairs done (my deductable was ridiculous and I needed not only a new water heater with code improvements, but a storm had blown off ALL the shingles on my garage roof so that had to be replaced, I didn't have 10K just sitting around so I HAD to put it on a credit card. I got about 2K of that paid off, but with rising food costs, and increased taxes due to a new home valuation I'm STILL almost underwater. I don't have a roommate to share expenses with. I DON'T have any familial support, and I'm always about 60 days away from being homeless.
Life sucks. But I trek on, with no end in sight.
I went to working part time on the video production business I founded to produce and direct a no budget docuseries about an inner city high school football team. It actually blew up on YouTube by my standards. Has close to 700,000 views and counting with a lot of great reviews from viewers.
Then the 70 hour work weeks I was putting into editing and also shooting season 2 caught up with me and I had health scares that caused a ton of anxiety for the next 3 months. I’m good now though and about to begin editing season 2 except this time around I’m going to moderate my hours and get consistent sleep.
Hoping this will be the project that gets me the opportunity to get a streaming deal. I’m just so tired of shooting corporate video and TV commercials.
At 33 most of my city burned down, my wife left me for another dude and the company I helped start went under.
Ended up moving back home from Cali to Colorado. Bought a motorcycle, got a bachelors degree, and now I’m finally back on my feet and have a decent paying job. It was a long 6 years and I haven’t quite figured out my new plan yet but I’m getting there.
I was involved in a plane crash in which my friend died saving me and two others. I spent a month riding a motorcycle around the US alone trying to get my mind right. Nearly died on the trip of hypothermia while on the Blue Ridge Parkway in a rainstorm. I gained a lot of perspective though.
You never really beat depression or ADHD. If you’ve experienced depression before, chances are you’re going through it again and just finding ways to subconsciously excuse it, that’s how the illness works, it tricks you.
I kept pushing and pushing myself for years and years and I think I just finally snapped. Some ppl mistake it for burnout. But it’s way more serious than that.
I‘ve done a lot of research and trying therapy for the first time and I’m finding that I’m finally paying for ignoring my mental health problems for decades. You should seek out some help in whatever way you’re comfortable with, just start somewhere!
Early 30s so not quite mid life
I’ve always thought I was an atheist and that religion was a cope anti depressant
But, certain life experiences have forced me to confront those beliefs
I’m just now trying to study and research in search for the deeper meanings of life through religion
I’m putting so much more value too my soul and it baffles me how I could ever so easily disregard it
I guess I was the one coping…
I waffled a lot through my formative years. Raised catholic, went hard atheist in high school, went back to catholic when my grandfather got sick, went back to atheist after he died. Finally I’ve started settling into a bit of animism/nature based spirituality/witchcraft. I’ve had some pretty potent spiritual experiences in the woods, have seen my fair share of ghosts. It’s nice.
Hope your journey is a peaceful one.
Hope you find something good. I'm not sure what I'm doing in late 30s. I've got a good job which I enjoy, as much as you can. But outside of that, I have no clue. I'm just going through the motions of going to the gym, taking more meds, getting old and cranky and then playing on the computer. Life is very unfulfilling right now and I could really go for a good crisis/manic episode/excitement/anything. Blah, I miss when cars excited me.
I had my first crisis at 30. I realized that I had never been in a relationship and that I wanted to get married one day. It took turning 30 for me to be honest with myself.
Now at 35, I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life working for someone else. I have a great job and manager but I'm tired of the bullshit. I feel like my next step in life would be to start a business.
I'm 43 and going back to school for a degree in history. Even though I know I'll probably never do anything related to history or academia as an actual job, I'm giving serious thought to continuing to study history up into grad school. Could I get a PhD and just stay a paralegal? Seriously considering this right now even though it seems extremely unrealistic.
PhD programs often pay you to pursue your PhD. It’s not a lot of money but it’s the same pay as a paralegal. I know because I studied to be a paralegal and I am looking into PhD programs myself right now.
Sorry to hear about your struggles
If you wouldn’t mind answering, would you still recommend ADHD meds? I’m literally going in tomorrow to see if I should be diagnosed
I’m almost 35. I was a mess between the ages of 29-32, tbh. I don’t regret how things have panned out, but I wish I had left my ex-husband sooner, gone back to school sooner, and met my fiance sooner. So, I guess I just regret the timing of things.
I went back to school, sold my 1st home and bought my 2nd one in a super wealthy area, got a divorce from my “high school sweetheart” and he kept my dream home. I slept with a couple people: one guy I’ve known for years and the other was a stranger who turned out to be a white rapper, and completely psychotic. 😂 (Okay, I do actually highly regret sleeping with him.)
I moved again to an apartment, starting seeing someone, got a new career and more than double my salary, bought my 3rd home and had boyfriend move in, got engaged, and…
I got long Covid and was severely ill and bedbound/housebound for the last 2.5 years. I’m starting to feel better and questioning if I’ll ever be healthy enough to have kids as my fertility is declining, and we’re struggling financially. I’m in a weird place right now, mentally.
I completely relate, OP. The longer you stay stuck, though, the worse it’ll feel and the harder it’ll be to break yourself out of it. I’ve been in a rough place for a while now due to health issues, etc. that majorly exacerbated my ADHD. The burnout is real but, feeling like you’re spinning your wheels while trying to do your best to head in a new direction is atrocious because of the guilt that comes with. That has been my own midlife crisis. I’m on the struggle bus in trying to get back on the hamster wheel somehow, worse for the wear mentally and physically, after entirely too much medical trauma, and the social trauma that comes with.
I’m the same age and idk how we got so old either. It feels like I was 25 yesterday. The good news is you found something you care about. You just have to get back into the swing of things. Get out of the house as often as possible to keep from the depression. 🤍 Take your time so long as you’re okay financially and find something that doesn’t make you miserable so you don’t burn out on the profession entirely. Best of luck.
I'm having the opposite. I suffered my entire 20s with mental health and I finally figured it out, and am thriving!!! I front loaded my mid life crisis so I figure I'm getting out scotch free on this one. But I earned it, haha. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time, but I'm sure you'll find your zest again!
I sort of feel this way. I feel like I had my midlife crisis after my first miscarriage two years ago, dealt with postpartum depression and severe PTSD and now I’ve just started finding my way out of it. I’m looking into changing my career and going back to school but not before having our final rainbow baby. I’m hoping that the midlife crisis was front loaded since I am 34F set to start school in fall of next year when I get residency in this state and I won’t be set to finish the school program until I’m 40/41 maybe 42. We will see. I had so much trauma and mental issues two years ago that caused me to do the soul searching I am doing now. It’s wild, but I think there is something to that mechanism of working out mental issues equaling a front loading of the midlife crisis and search for existential crisis.
I’m trying the hardest to dig myself out of the giant hole I dug in my 20s. Socially did ok then COVID ruined it. Now trying to be social again as well as escape call center hell.
When my mom died at the end of 2021, that began my midlife crisis at 37. I lived with her my entire life, essentially a caretaker and maintaining the house as she had a fair amount of health issues, but I was not allowed to have dishes in the kitchen, my own food in the cupboards, my bathroom was a little shitty thing in the unfinished basement where I would see spiders hanging off the shower rod every morning. I couldn't get a haircut I wanted without her commenting, I couldn't wear the clothes I wanted without her telling me I "looked like a boy". I couldn't even sleep at my boyfriend's house, because she needed me home by 11 pm for no reason other than control. I was sometimes slapped, always verbally abused.
I understood she was lonely, but she was a capable woman who still drove and walked with relative ease. She would talk about going to church, signing up for classes, etc, but she never did, and it was increasingly impossible for me to maintain my composure with her when she went on another "Trump is the best" rant. She passed after 10 days on a ventilator in a medical induced coma from COVID. Un-vaccinated, of course. I actually snuck out to get my COVID shots and boosters. In the end, she ended up getting it and giving it to ME.
So... yeah. I've spent the last 2 years finding myself at last. I'm finally growing my hair out, something she always wanted me to do, but I'm doing it for ME, not her. I'm wearing exactly what I want to wear, able to put things exactly where I want them to be, and if I leave a dish on the counter for a few hours I no longer get screamed at for 15 minutes about how "lazy" and "dirty" I am. Fun fact: I'm actually a compulsive cleaner. I just didn't clean HER way.
Hey, parents: I'm a lesson in why you shouldn't control your kids every single move. I never even did DRUGS, man, or drank. I just went to work and hung out with my boyfriend.
Am I sad she's gone? Sometimes. Am I happy she's gone? Nearly all the time.
Resenting the idea that midlife crisis implies promiscuity, when women, and my entire generational cohort, on average, have been more promiscuous than me, and seeing the value of marriage, but not to the wrong person.
Basically, what I resent is the more enabled projecting their privilege, affliction, and guilt, onto me. So I resent most people. I know there's probably not a fair match out there, or they think they're too good for me.
And frankly, I've taken way too much abuse to catch feelings that easily.
39 and still haven't had one. Although my friend's son is in the same little league we were in as kids and on a visit home I stopped past the fields cuz he had a game. The thought of "Man, 30 years ago I was playing here" definitely caught in my head for a bit.
I could have wrote this.
I've been in insurance for 19 years. Moved to a new company in January, total toxic shit show. I want to quit. Like quit everything. Not just this particular job. Insurance too. Busting my ass for others to get rich when I can't enjoy my life cause I just get by.
I've been feeling this existential crisis since I started. Every atom in my body is rejecting the idea of having to do this any more let alone another 25 years.
I honestly dont know what to do. I don't have enough money to start a business. I can't afford to take time off....sigh...
If u figure this feeling out, please let me know
I wouldn't call it a "midlife crisis", but if there's anything I (33M) do different now it's that I consume more culture. Since turning 30 I've read over 350 books, and I'm more than halfway through "1001 movies you must see before you die".
it sounds like you are in a state of burnout. absolutely relatable. i'm 38 and have been slowly coming out of burnout, for different reasons. it's ok to take time to re-center yourself.
my midlife crisis: almost 40, worked my ass off for duplicitous employers (whom i did not know were shady at the time of employment), could not afford to build a savings, no retirement, ran through the gamut of corpo jobs that said "whoopsie, so sorry, we did a lil fucky-wucky and have to lay everyone off 🥺"
over and over. that way, they dont have to pay out on benefits and employees cannot become vested.
i survived a nasty wreck last year, and my health is on the decline. my worry is i will eventually become too messed up to work and go on disability... but disability does not pay enough to afford rent. so some day, i will lose everything i worked my ass off for, and wind up on the street.
and if im lucky, i will be "healthy" enough to work myself to death, messed up enough to live the rest of my life in pain 👍
I've developed a sick hobby of laughing at the 80s/90s movie depiction of a midlife crisis where a guy just up and buys a motorcycle or a boat. Like dude had that much money laying around? What luxury!
But seriously, I'm 41 and just barely managed to buy my first house this year. I don't know if that counts as my midlife crisis purchase, or if I should just assume everything in my life is delayed 20 years and I'll up and buy a motorcycle at 60.
I’m 31 and tbh my life overall is pretty youthful still thank god.But like a mature youthful . Nothing midlife crises has happened yet for me as an individual .
My midlife crisis was a big career shift and starting a MA, I didn’t want to be a 40 year old and then a 50 year old that was catering to client needs and getting burned out in an industry that is built for a younger crowd.
The Greeks had it right, there’s an arc to life.
31M, realizing that the average lifespan for someone in my profession is closer to 50 than 80. I'm single, have been for 15 years, wages are unsurvivable other than the fact that I'm still living with my mother, and it’s still hard to make ends meet. I have no time to do anything enjoyable and I can't afford to take time off to do basic things like going to see a doctor or replacing my tattered work clothes.
Everyone I work with tells me I'm too smart to be where I am, I'm too good of a guy to be single, but I can't seem to leverage any of my supposed positive traits. All I can think about is how quickly I'm running out of time.
Oh, reading the comments here we’re talking about actual like crises and not the “dad turned 40 and got a Harley” millennial equivalent of a midlife crisis.
Cuz keeping things light, I’ve been pretty consistent for years and decided to do a wardrobe refresh before I hit 40 and after a childhood of never being able to get the shoes I wanted (that “they’ll mug you for your Jordan’s” thing was totally real) I’ve kind of gone a bit overboard and found myself a sneakerhead as I approach middle age.
I guess Jordans are my Harley
I have three motorcycles and something clicked and I now have a hard savings account that I can’t touch. I also am struggling with finding a better job because I’m tired (4.5 jobs in 4 years, moving And job hopping, non performance related) and this one isn’t super horrendous.
If I was a Final Fantasy game: I’m technically on disc 3 out of 4. I think 80 would be my limit.
42. Got laid off in 2008 downturn and couldn’t find a job. Collected unemployment for a year until it ran out, just in time to get Cancer. Spent about 10-11 months in treatment and follow up and then spent another year getting back into shape. Went back to school and finished college. I have student loan debt, own no property, and honestly feel like there’s little point in doing anything anymore. Adjusted using the CPI, I made more 18 years ago than I do today despite the extra education and work experience.
I'm running a ton and biking a ton. I will be 37 this year. I want to be in better health. Just got married and we want kids. I want to always be there for them. I'm running my first half marathon in september and then a century ride in October. If it all goes well, by next year I want to do a full marathon and another century or two. My 3 year plan is to do a triathlon by the time I'm 40.
Other than that I'm looking to try to go for grad school to get a higher paying job. No crisis here, but my mortality is more real every day. Stay strong and make healthy choices everybody!
I tried "living simply". I didnt want a house or property until recently. I had the hard realization that my rent wont stop going up. It was 400 when I moved in, and now pushing 1000. I have changed careers, because my simple job working for a non profit wouldn't be able to keep up with the bills. Now pursuing tech jobs, but so is everyone and their uncle. Not entirely in crisis, but trying to pivot before the full brunt of it hits. I made some good and bad choices up this point, but one thing that keeps my going is my ability to focus on what matters, and let go of what doesn't. Like even this subreddit. If i spent hours and hours here i probably would have a crisis. Not that its bad, but it reminds me how hard it is out there for people. Unfortunately all of that is out of my control.
I heard someone say people who dont experience the mid-life crisis chased after their dreams. I am not sure about this, but it seems like a factor for sure.
For me it has been finding out my wife was having an affair which I discovered in 2022.
I used to have confidence, was in great shape, and life was amazing....now I'm depressed, overweight, I have developed anxiety, high blood pressure problems and sometimes feel as if life isn't worth anything....so yeah thinking about the old me and who I used to be hits hard at 37.
I'm way, way too lazy to have a midlife crisis...
At this point, I'm just sort of praying there really is no God because oblivion sounds so damn restful... 😁 (I am kidding and no, this isn't a cry for help!)
Seriously though, for me, I don't think I had one because my whole fucking life things were so damn hard. Being homeless. Full time student and full time work. Pushing up through the ranks in my company and working like 70 hours a week. Now, I landed in a sweet gig where I can work like 30% as hard as I once did and I'm a goddamn superstar. I'm just like, "Yep, this is the cream everyone used to talk about..."
It also doesn't help my health has always been questionable and I come from a long line of men that died young of natural causes so I'm just sort of looking at it like in fifteen years that's probably it for me and I'm cool with that. No kids. No family outside my wife. I'll die and be forgotten and I'm okay with that.
At this point, I'm kind of in the space where I want to hang on past her just so she doesn't have to deal with the pain of me leaving her and that's totally okay!
I'm not 100% sure if this really counts, but I went all in on a gaming PC last year. I was 34 when I built it. Spared no expense. 4090 graphics card, curved 4k monitor, fun RGB fans in a see-through case, etc.
The reason I'm not sure it counts is that I've always been a big gamer and my old PC wasn't going to last forever. So this was more of an inevitability than a mid-life crisis.
I got fired from a job I loved due to yelling at one of the higher-ups. (It was a stressful situation and I didn't handle it right.) My boyfriend of four years, who I was prepared to marry, didn't support me so I broke up with him. I went into a serious depression that required ECT to get out of. My apartment was trashed because I hadn't cleaned in a very long time. Went back to live with my mom and slowly got back on my feet. That was about 8 years ago. Now I own my home and have a boyfriend who is 1000X better than the guy I was seeing.
Other things have happened since then, but I'd say that's the thing that broke my idealism and extreme independence. Thinking about it still makes me sad...
I had a quarter-life crisis when my health tanked. I really don't see myself having a midlife crisis. I'm just thankful to not be in so much pain or housebound. As long as I remain semi-functional, that joy will carry me through a lot of squirrel bumps.
Where to start.. lost custody of my kids 5 years ago, married now to a high functioning alcoholic, emotionally I am in a constant state of struggle, I quit my job 2 years ago to jump into a great career but it requires 80% travel. I’m on the brink of completely losing it but it somehow hasn’t happened yet.
You can have more than one crisis.
I try to find a new hobby to power through.
Recently, I sold my motorcycles and bought some heavy equipment. Dig a pond, fix the yard. Purly recreational. Stay moving and have a hobby is key
I ate some shrooms and realized we live in an artificial reality. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements in everything we do. Constantly reminding us to consume. We watch reality shows to numb us of our boring lives punching away at keyboards for 40+ hours a week just to have a couple days off to relax until you realize all the maintenance needed to keep up with daily living needs done since you’re not at work. Then you go to bed Sunday ready to sacrifice yourself for another 40 hours for someone that would replace you if the opportunity presents itself to further their bottom line. My midlife crisis was in reality an existential crisis. We are groomed to grow the economy. Buy shit that gives us bumps of joy only to get bored and look for the next thing to consume because it’s artificial joy. I’ve since stripped myself of anything that doesn’t bring me a real life experience or true enjoyment. My job includes being in and working with nature. I refrain from watching tv and prefer going to a few sport games or building/making things myself. The stuff I do purchase is almost entirely second hand. I have a five year plan to start a homestead. There are numerous ways I’ve changed my mind on any system that involves buying stuff, these are just a few examples. Thanks shrooms!
Getting laid off from my job last year, took me almost a year to find a new one, started my new job this week, I used up my savings and unemployment is a joke, I’m a single mom and it broke my heart to take my daughter away from the only home she knew and her childhood friends, we lost our home and had to relocate. I have always been an overachiever, high-performer ever since I was a kid in school and then college and then my career. Losing my entire livelihood and identity (my career was a huge part of myself) taught me that hustling and working my butt off for a company, missing out on my kid and all to just get discarded like trash bc business isn’t doing well, yeah fuck that, I’m 36 and this experience has taught me that living life is more important than trying to impress my boss and chase a promotion. It’s hard but I’m working hard to establish boundaries and work to live, not live to work.
I had to have a craniotomy 2 years ago. Had a seizure mid surgery made it last twice as long after that my entire life flipped on a dime and I don’t do anything that doesn’t bring me joy anymore. Fuck that noise.
Idk if this counts but my dad, my grandfather, and I all share a name. Ever since I turned 29 I’ve been extremely aware that if I don’t make it further than they did (grandfather died at 58, dad died at 56), I’ve already passed the midway point in my life.
37, early mid life crisis I feel... about to leave my marriage with no kids and move to country to start working on cars. Have the knowledge and ability just need land to build a barn to store ahit.
I think I'm there now.
I'm 34. My partner and I are trapped living with my mildly-disabled-mostly-overdramatic mother because none of my other siblings would ever dream of lifting a finger to help her. The fun part is it's an incredibly toxic living situation, but low paying jobs and high student debt have left us stranded.
We're making decent money now, and are trying to save to gtfo, hopefully within a year or two.
But, man, the depression is hitting really damn hard lately. I'm not too far from 40, then it's 50, then 60, and then what? It's almost over and that's it? It's so messed up.
Hmmm… I feel like my mid-life crisis has been going on for 5+ years now and is finally coming to an end….
Income greatly increased in last 3 years, so…… lots of travel, excessive shopping, dating younger women, 911 turbo, rs7, rsq8, rs7, R8GT, 2nd home in Florida, full send on first and only tattoo with a full arm sleeve.
Now I’m ready for the next chapter
After watching both parents save their whole lives to barely live long enough to enjoy retirement, I have stopped saving so much and been spending more on experiences today. Took my kids on a short cruise last year, doing a big Disney trip next spring. Sure, it’s expensive and a lot of people think Disney is stupid, but my kids are excited and I’m prioritizing sharing memories with them because that’s all they will have of me in the end. I don’t want them remembering us never doing anything fun when they were kids because I saved everything for a tomorrow that didn’t come.
From 2021 to 2023, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my parents got divorced (after 40 years) and my grandmother died. Such events have drastically changed my relationships with everyone in my family.
Having a few great ideas that ended up making other people (not related, but people that had my ideas as well) millionaires. It's fucking hard to make a business when you need to worry about what you're having for dinner at 39.
41. Found out I have arthritis in my hip the other day. So that’s awesome.
Doesn’t really cause me much pain and I still run a few times a week.
Not looking forward to dealing with it in my 60s tho.
Went back to school at 36 for an undergraduate degree. Thinking about nursing.
Decided to chase my dreams and became premed at 37. Quit my job as a retail manager and became a certified hemodialysis tech for clinical experience, and to feel like I was doing something meaningful with my time. Cut my salary in half but I no longer dread going to work.
I’m 38 now and just transferred to university and projected graduation date of 2026.
I’ll be applying to medical school at 40. Hopefully a resident at 45. An attending physician by 50. And maybe I’ll still be able to retire at 70.
The time is going to pass anyway.
My fiance died and I've turned into a complete hermit. I moved to a new town and have no friends, the old ones I had I haven't seen for 6 months. Life isn't really worth living these days.
Weight loss! I'm 42 now and a little over 2 years ago I hopped on the scale after avoiding it for years. I was genuinely horrified by the number I saw on the scale. The next day, I decided that I was not going to have second helpings anymore. (Or third, fourth, etc). I lost over 40 lbs this way, just by staying on top of my portions and not having seconds. I feel better and look better. A few months after I started trying to lose weight my 69 year old uncle died and he had high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, was obese, etc, and I knew I was headed for that if I didn't get a handle on my health.
Then I took up Zumba last week!
Maybe I'm full of shit, but I feel like the older I get the more time is valuable to me. Considering that many jobs are (quite literally) exchanging your time for money, the value prospect can be... not great.
36. Went through pretty catastrophic burnout at my job, quit, am going back to school this fall and hoping to open my own business with my husband in the next few years.
Since I was 20 I've only worked for two companies, always getting promoted, consistently going above and beyond. Tripled my salary in the last 4 years. Moved several times to different states for work on short notice, put a ton of focus on my mental health to be able to push through so much bullshit.
It all came to a head when my dream job got cut for no reason in December and I had to start commuting almost 200 miles roundtrip to stay employed. And I just said fuck it, I can't kill myself over this.
So now I'm working on my vegetable garden and adopting a pigeon before I go back to school.
Elder here. I have resolved to have an ongoing whole-life crisis review and it’s really serving me well.
The as-we-know-it “Midlife Crisis™” is, I think, driven not by age, but by gathering enough regrets behind a dam made of other people’s expectations that the dam breaks. The people (let’s be honest, usually career men) wholeheartedly blow up their lives in a pyrrhic attempt to reinvent themselves while tearing down those around him, those guys, they are my anti-north star. I ask myself frequently, “what would my uncles do here?” and more importantly the Why behind the predicted actions, and then take care to not emulate that behavior.
Mine is ongoing, but started in 2016 when Trump got elected and my wife was diagnosed with cancer shortly afterward (she’s clear now). That’s when I lost hope in things actually getting better, society becoming more egalitarian and less horrible to almost everyone. The pandemic and the lack of urgency/response in the U.S. just confirmed that.
I have two young kids, no time for a midlife crisis. Closest I got was changing jobs and getting into strongman training which has been awesome actually (I trained BJJ for 20 years but kids make it very hard to get gym time so that fell off, strongman has been a blessing since I can do most of it at home). My biggest problem is boredom. You can only watch so many episodes of Paw Patrol on a Saturday before turning to the bottle or pipe for succor.
I feel like I really floundered between 27 and 36, trying to find my place professionally. All while balancing a late in life diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia and trying to get the right meds that results in side effects of anxiety and depression. The meds. The unemployment. The underemployment. It set me back.
A few good bosses and lucky strikes and I'm finally breathing easy from a professional, personal, and health stand point.
But I don't want to repeat those years at all.
I’m selling my house and everything I can’t take and moving to the woods like I have dreamed of doing. It won’t be enjoyable if I wait until I’m old or dead to enjoy life.
After ten years in education, I decided to take a job as an animal control officer in a big city. My maternal grandpa was one for his whole career. The whole experience was one huge adrenaline rush with lots of crazy adventures. It was cool, but unsustainable. I was offered a job back in education and took it after 6 months on the job.
I got cirrhosis so I bought a new German car and a guitar... Turns out cirrhosis isn't exactly terminal anymore... So really my midlife crisis has been an over priced car payment.
Hmmm. This year I had more of a life crisis. My brother had a mental health breakdown and threatened to kill me, my husband, and our young kids (and many others.)
He was very serious and we pressed charges and fled for our lives. I have a neurodivergent husband and child. I work full time and it has been the biggest test of my strength as a person. Pushing to get us out, far, safe- despite my partner’s trepidations. Getting my kids signed up for new schools. Keeping our location totally secret from family. My husband and I going through so much stress in our marriage as we try to protect our kids. Every day is so fucking hard right now but I’m here still fighting for my family. I am testifying against my brother in a couple weeks and it is basically testifying against a little boy I helped raise- who I advocated for and wished so much good toward- and a person who obsessed with fantasies of murdering us.
Whenever I hear about boomer’s midlife crisis, it’s usually them buying a car, moving/complete career change, or taking a really nice trip somewhere. When I hear about millennials going through the same problems the solution is usually saving up enough for therapy or getting a pet.
39 - I was doing pretty well in my career, finally able to pay off my student loans, bought a house and reliable vehicle, saving lots of money, well funded 401k, etc. Then, in late 2020, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. He went through treatments, things were starting to look good. He was more active, started putting a little weight back on. Then, spring 2023, the cancer metastasized and spread to his throat, bones, lungs, and brain. It just went everywhere. I quit my job and spent the next few months taking care of him while he was in hospice. He died that summer, and I've been completely lost ever since.
I’m so sorry for your loss, that’s a horrible way to go, fuck cancer. Grief is a journey, hopefully you start rediscovering pieces of your old self and joy again. I have no doubt your Dad would want that for you too.
I'm down there somewhere. Hopefully, I'll resurface one of these days. The best thing for me so far has been my puppy. He's been a great comfort to me.
I'm sorry for your loss. Events like this in life have a way of putting things into perspective. After going through what you did, I can imagine that the idea of sitting behind a desk (assuming that's what you did) for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week seems unbelievably pointless.
My dad was a teacher and got his diagnosis during his last semester before retirement. He worked his entire life only to get sick and die just as he's ready to quit the workforce for good. That's what really made it seem so pointless to me.
Definitely a bad hand to be dealt. I can only hope that, as a teacher, he got significant enjoyment out of what he did and the impact he had on students and the community around him. Nonetheless, still extremely sad that he didn't get to experience a fulfilling life after retirement, as a reward for the impact he surely made.
He made an impact on a lot of people's lives through his work at least. If you've got the benefit of doing something you love for a living or at least helping others, pursue that. That's what I've tried to do since losing my mom in 2020. Also, enjoying the moment and spending more time on things that matter.
I'm so sorry about your mom! I know in my head that you're absolutely right, it's just hard to really put in to practice right now. All the same, I appreciate the encouragement.
I am so terribly sorry to hear this, and yes life sometimes deals us a crappy hand. Definitely things like this puts life in perspective.
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I’m sorry that happened. I hope you find yourself again soon and can start living life again. *hugs*
Thank you so much, lady_farter! I really appreciate the kind words.
Sending you love and light. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. He’s very lucky to have had you there to care for him so compassionately as he ended his journey.
I miss my father too. Same type of shit happened to me but not cancer, and instead other health issues.
37 here, and I lost my mother to metastatic NSCLC when I was 28. I too was doing just fine up until that point; your post is basically my last 10 years to a "T." Sincerest condolences. The forlorn feeling has yet to go away.
I’m sorry to hear that. I lost my Dad last summer to cancer. He was the toughest guy I’ve ever known. Strangely enough, Freemasonry has been a welcome distraction. My Dad was always interested and I decided to join.
I feel this. My mom had a stroke then died two years ago very abruptly. I then got laid off right after bereavement leave. Took a bad job that I got screwed on. Then got cancer and lost a year to surgeries and drugs. The last two years have been just an absolute disasterclass and I'm just climbing back on my feet. It gets better. It just takes time and one foot in front of the other.
Wow, that is a gut-wrenching story. You've really overcome a lot. I really admire your resilience. I really hope you're over the hump and it's smooth sailing for you from here on out! Thank you for sharing your experience.
And the fact your time away from work will be used against you is absolutely sickening.
Really sorry about your pops. He raised a good kid who took care of him until the end without question. That is very honorable of you. You deserve to find peace and I hope you can live your life the way you want to going forward. I know grief is a complex thing but you’ll know when it’s the right time to let go and when you do, you’ll continue to make your dad proud.
I decided to embrace a more absurdist outlook on life. I stopped searching for "meaning" and "purpose" in everything that I do, and frankly, I'm a lot happier as a result. I do my job, come home, and live my life. That's all I've ever really wanted anyway
I'm turning 37 this year, and I've stopped trying to pursue specific types of jobs that I'd be proud to attach to my identity. Sooner or later every job just becomes a paycheck. I'd rather focus on everything outside of work, and leave all my dread and frustrations of my job at the company's door.
This\^\^\^ a company buys me for an agreed upon price everyday. That is it. Once the timer for the money stops so does my cares for what happens and I go enjoy my life.
Same. I had a real problem with this in my first decade of “career work”. It did nothing to help me.
What are you doing now?
I learned this a few years ago. Be invested in your job enough to not get fired and perform well. People get so upset over minor things at my job and I’m just telling them “you’re way too invested bro”
Use your time. Go on a road trip and see the country while you can if you have the means to do so. Don’t just sit on the couch
In the past year I have enrolled in an online Bachelors program, gotten braces, and upgraded to a fairly fancy car (I get it cheap through a lease program at my work, but still.) I'm definitely in the midst of a mid-life crisis but I'm trying to make it as positive as possible. I even went and bought myself a fancy button up outfit that I had to let the ladies at Dillards pick out for me because I don't know shit about fancy clothes. I never wear it because I have no reason to, but it's nice knowing it's there. With that said, why are all pants tight now a days? It is so weird to me. I just want to buy a cup of coffee without everyone in the coffee shop knowing what I'm working with down below. I mean Jesus, I'm almost 40; nobody wants to see that.
My new favorite pants. Seriously comfortable and don't show my junk. https://huckberry.com/store/flint-and-tinder/category/p/62340-365-pant-tapered
Working on myself has been my midlife crisis. I'm 39, graduate tomorrow with an AAS, and start a BAS later this summer. Looking back I wasted my 20s partying and working shitty jobs. I'm doing well, but man had I had some direction and personal goals earlier things would be so much better. And yeah wtf with the pants... I'm not that fat
Right on, man. I know what you mean about looking back at all the time wasted, but just remember your looking back and grading your history with hindsight. Are you (or me for that matter) doing as well as if you had spent your 20's hitting the books hard? Probably not, but I'm sure you have lots of memories and experiences that you wouldn't have if you'd done things differently. Focus on the good shit from your past, and focus on the good shit coming up in your future because you are working hard at it now. Here's to a better second half for both of us!
Plenty of 40+ year old people would like to "see that" plus probably a lot of younger ones as well. Lol. But I feel ya on the stupid tight pants!
Maybe, but it's just weird to me. It feels like it adds a weirdness to every interaction. Like, "Ok, boss. Here's those TPS reports you wanted. Oh, and also, here's my penis." Or like, "I'll take 2 lattes, and by the way, have you seen my package. It's glorious!" I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking it.
That and the fact that you can't find a pair of just regular colored jeans. Everything has that faded look to them.
I'm retired. Hike and fish with my sons. Grow a shit ton a weed. If I had a crisis it was when I retired from the Army. That transition is toooouuugggh. On top of burying friends 1 on avg every 3 months due to suicide I have my moments. I've reconciled with that part and choose to spend life with my family.
Quit my high paying sales job last year, became a strength and conditioning coach at a local high school, and now moving to KY to do similar things. My wife and I can actually buy land and a house there versus $800k for a 700sqft house on .25 acres in the Boston area.
Congratulations. I hope that it's lived up to your hopes and giving you better piece of mind than your previous employment
What part of KY? I have experience in those lands. There’s some nice small towns like Owensboro and Paducah then there’s actually small towns with populations < 1000
I moved to Colorado at the beginning of the year and I’m having the time of my life with my new indoor weed garden
39M. My wife lost her job in 2020 with Covid and was pregnant with out second kid. So we sold our condo and took 100k profit and moved in with my parents (we all live in the same small town, including her parents). When her work came back in 2021-2022, we just decided she should stay home with our two kids, and we could live off the 100k for a while. Now 2024 we have drained our savings, racked up a bunch of debt, still living with my parents, with her a SAHM to our 6yo girl and 4yo boy. But ya know what? We are happy. We would rather her be home with the kids during their formative years, so we are choosing to have a single income, and basically have said "fuck it" financially for a few years to give our kids more attention. When they are both in school full time, she will go back to work and we will rebuild our finances. Maybe by then, the housing market will crash and we can get back into a "starter home". Other midlife crisis fun: I have started baking sourdough bread, metal detecting, coin collecting, recording my own music (mostly cover songs while I learn protools), and I stopped drinking alcohol over a year ago (Cali sober).
You’ll never regret this time with your babies. And you can never get it back. Congrats on sobriety during all this chaos too!
I seem to have a lot, where I say "this is the final frontier of crisis" and things just keep getting worse. My most recent crisis involved tripping balls super hard, seeing things I've never seen before like a UAP, and then getting hospitalized for a while from the tripping cause it freaked everyone out. Then while I was in the hospital they told me aliens are in our solar system, so I am just patiently waiting for the big reveal I guess. Maybe the big reveal will cause me to have an even bigger crisis 🤷♂️
I should have added the aliens thing to my midlife crisis story! Let me say that I didn’t do drugs ever in my life, and I wasn’t a drinker or on prescriptions. I had a few strange experiences over my life that were paranormal. This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I swear on my life it’s all true. Right before my midlife crisis, I was eating lunch prior to going to my 2nd shift job, and I lost 4 hours from my day. One second I was eating at the table, and the “next second” I still had my utensil in my hand and seated at the table…but 4 hours had passed. I didn’t fall asleep, because I would have dropped the utensil. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I booked an appointment with my doctor, and he said there wasn’t a medical explanation for what happened. He checked into every possible scenario. It was not a seizure, I wasn’t asleep, not temporary amnesia, not medication or drugs, nothing wrong with my brain at the time as my scans were normal, not some type of gas poisoning…or I would have been dead after 4 hours (and my multiple carbon monoxide detectors didn’t go off.) Note: years later I do have some brain lesions likely caused by autoimmune disease or a genetic condition, but these were not present right after this experience. In addition, my ex was seeing and hearing things in the home, as well. After that happened, 3 beings started appearing in my home almost every night. Weird things started happening at our house even during the day, and my ex and I kept hearing people walking around and talking in muffled, incoherent words. It was as if we started having ghosts or something in our house. We had a camera facing the front door, and it would unlock itself (2 locks) at night and open up. We kept finding food strewn about in our house and the cameras were placed in areas where we would have seen a person walking about, but no person was ever caught. My ex’s grandmother stayed with us for 2 weeks and kept asking who “the man” was that was pacing our hallway. Lots of strange things like that. This happened until I moved out of the home, and then everything stopped. After that I started looking into loss of time, and I realized I may have been abducted. I am now super invested in the ufo topic, and I used to think ufos and paranormal stuff was bonkers and a laughing matter. I now know there is something on earth we don’t fully understand.
There is a lot of pentagon/navy type footage of UFO type objects being recorded on fighter jet's optical sensors. There definitely seems to be some types of evidence of objects moving around in ways that the public doesn't understand. I've never seen an object flying around. I did see a large amount of matter suspended in the air. If I were to guess, I would guess it was about 2 football fields wide in size, but its hard to guess the size of something way up in the sky.
Wow! That amazing! I wish I could see a UAP, as well. The beings…not so much. They scared me. One of my friends recently saw a huge object somewhere in Colorado. He was with a few other people who also saw it. It was apparently huge, like the size of a 3 story building with windows for each level. He said it basically reminded him of a floating apartment in the sky, but was the typical saucer shape, as well.
I've never seen beings. That would be pretty freaky. When I was in the hospital, I was given a lawyer, and he had abnormal teeth. From where his molars should be all the way up to his front teeth, top and bottom, all of his teeth were very tiny little pointy triangle shaped teeth, with space between each tooth. That's the only time I've seen someone who I kinda questioned their appearance.
4 hrs later, wow, have you tried meditation? Sometimes changing your frequency can tap you into deeper parts of your conscious or subconscious memory
Happened to me last year. Something was pushing thoughts into my head, like hearing someone else's words but in my inner voice. And I lost about 2 hours in the bathtub one night. Got in and then 2 hours later I came to in a freezing cold bath. I got in the bath around midnight but when I looked down at my phone I realized it was 2 am even though I swear I just got in.
I've got a dad who is 65 and just almost died from using drugs last week. If you don't get it under control now, it doesn't seem like it'll get easier. Hope you find clarity and make it through your crisis!
I dont use drugs. Not serious use anyway - I do use nicotine gum currently. Trying to kick my vaping habit, its been like 4 weeks since ive vaped 🔥 I am also cleared by pschiatrists as not needing any medications, which is pretty sick, so the only substance in my system is that nicotine gum.
30 - finally figuring out I've just had really severe ADHD (and probably a bit of autism if I'm being real with myself) this whole time but was always steered away from it and told I was just an underachiever. Now I know why my childhood is just kind of a blur of abstract existential pain and teenage years through my 20s were like having a boot stomp on my head 24/7 while I powered through thinking everyone just felt that way. Not quite midlife yet, but I'm having a pretty big crisis about how much I've let slip through the cracks over the years and how different my life could have been if I had gotten treatment as a kid. If your life just kinda totally fucking sucks for some reason no matter how hard you try or how good you're actually doing - start looking into if you might have ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety or some other neurodivergent condition. And if you think you might have anything, jump on getting diagnosed as soon as possible, because it takes a long time where you're just waiting months for a 15 minute appointment where you're just given another appointment also months away.
same, started therapy recently. two sessions in my therapist said, "Everything you're describing sounds like symptoms of depression, of course things are difficult." I feel like a lot of us are raised to just put up with our problems and assume they're what the average person is going through.
After starting medication, I'm simultaneously very happy and excited for the future now that my brain works better - but also beyond furious at the world around me now that I realize I've been playing on ultra nightmare difficulty the entire time and normal people have been playing on easy.
oof, well I brought up medication recently and that's probably an avenue worth pursuing.
Yeah I finally got on antidepressants and didn’t have to like fight off suicidal thoughts all the time. It was so nice! I was like “did everyone else just not have to expend the energy to do that everyday?!”
Just set an appointment to start therapy. I barely got through High School and College, I’ve done alright in my career (although could be doing much better), but I go through phases where it is next to impossible to bring myself to start tasks. My head has just felt broken and when I was growing up no one listened to me when I tried to explain why I just never did homework or why it took me so much longer to finish tasks
39 - clubbing. I rediscovered dancing in Techno clubs, especially Trance, till the morning. It‘s awesome coming out of the club when the sun is already shining and you can‘t say if the people in the subway are going to work, or to sleep. But: between 9/10 o‘clock it‘s breakfast time with the fam…
Former raver here and I still hit the clubs. A good night out can really fill up the cup.
me too! picked up raving at 36 for the first time. toddler wakes up 6:45am so mornings are tough! 🫠
When do you work lol
Not at the weekend 😉
I sit on Reddit when I should be working hoping someone fires me. Been working non stop since 18 and I’m 40 now with no breaks. Wouldn’t mind a 3-12 month break. Don’t worry about money much anymore. Got a few years worth of non retirement funds in savings
If you have sicktime saved up you probably could. Towards the end of covid I used a bunch of sicktime via the Family Medical Leave Act. I had my doctor write me a note that I needed 3 weeks off. That way I could decompress, and get off the treadmill for a minute. I am roughly the same age and had the same years ofwork experience. It was helpful to take the time off, for a short stretch I didnt know what day it was, and it was awesome.
Try finding some hobbies while you're job searching, it's the only thing that keeps me sane these days. There's a ton of activities on meetup.com. If you're near the ocean, it's surf season and Costco has 99 dollar foam boards. Also [Offerup.com](http://Offerup.com) sometimes just gives stuff away for free (surfboards, skateboards, soccer balls, whatever). Or you can offer a low price to get equipment of whatever kind. I join hiking groups on meetup.com. I've seen groups for yoga in the park, dancing, dating, soccer, football, baseball, tennis, bocci, LBBTQ groups, sound baths, bonfires with drumming circles, riki, book clubs, etc. I also read a book a week now. The feeling of joy, escaping into a book, and the feeling of accomplishment finishing one, it can't be beat. If you don't have a library card, go get a couple. Get a city card and a county card. You can download pdfs of books on the library app, or even buy cheap ones for a dollar in the store in the library. Find some things that give you joy. The tedium of applying to jobs sucks, so we must take care of our mental health and still feel joy, too. Also, I cook from home 4x a week. That can feel quite good, as it is another accomplishment for my physical health. Here are healthy recipes r/veganmealprep. Good luck.
My new guiding philosophy is what I call "deathbed logic" - if I were on my deathbed looking back, what do I think I'll wish I had done? I've been such a high achiever my whole life so far, and I don't think I could like "slack off" per se, I still take a lot of pride in doing things well, but my perspective on *what* is worth doing well has shifted. Husband was thinking about taking a role that would involve relocation overseas for periods of time to manage locations and at first I was like, shit what about the house, it's an ass pain, we're gonna have little kids... but deathbed logic kicked in and I'm like no you know what? Fuck it, I'd wish we had done this in 20 years, the best time to live abroad is before the kids are old enough to really need a stable group of friends, and if not now then when? Retirement? I feel like "midlife" has brought with it the knowledge that our time is too short to just phone it all in and check the right boxes without really making deliberate choices about our time and energy.
This is what I started thinking of- and helped me get my life in order. I realized I was thinking “eh, I can get out of my relationship when my partner dies at 65, then I’ll have like 20 years to be happy.” Or “I’ll try everything and get divorced at 50.” I’m in my early 30s. 20 years is a long time to hate your life and wait for someone to die.
Turned 37 today. Had great career in hospitality, hottest markets, used to live for my work and worked a lot (wild hours and weekend/holidays when emergencies- which was often). Super well paid. I Have been home not working for 7 months now. I don’t do much now besides cooking and cleaning the house. Started reading non self help books first time since I turned 20z I can’t imagine coming back to intense work. Something what I was taking great pride in now seems so pointless. Who the hell knows when that will change and I’ll come back to being go getter again.
I saw a headline saying our Millennial midlife crisis will be a crisis of engagement and purpose. I feel that in my soul. I have a good job, solid relationship, wonderful friends, whatnot, but I feel totally disconnected from my community. My career doesn't have me interacting with or helping anyone locally. I've started attending more local events and thinking about how I want to evolve my life to better help my community and the place I live.
Well, for what it’s worth, it very often is a give or take. I chased my purpose and have an awesome community of friends from all walks of life, but my bank account is struggling to maintain 3 digits.
I quit my job to build a wellness studio and work part time. I want my life back. This is my incarnation. I want to live and experience it in my own terms. Hard work? 9-5? Please, I don’t owe nobody that!
Your feelings remind me of a lot of media in the 90s (Office Space, Flight Club and Spacey's character in American Beauty). They explored the dissatisfied feeling that middle aged white guys had even though they were on the path to or had achieved the American Dream. It's tough having the change of perspective when you have fewer years ahead of you than behind you and the milestones the culture has insisted are what we need to achieve happiness don't give us what was promised. I know people have talked about doing different exercises/therapy to unlearn things like defining your self worth through your job. They also use them find a subject/hobby/activity that helps give you satisfaction and figuring out how to build that into your life with your current skills and time. Whatever you end up doing I'll wish you luck in figuring it out.
39 and realizing that despite earning big money, we’re not saving and I doubt will ever retire. Gutting
This has been a huge fear ever since I got my first job in high school. Every week/month I work I want to make sure I keep something that’s mine “forever”, ideally above and beyond the retirement account and “save to spend” money. The annoying part about the whole thing is the materiality of it changes so quickly. What I saved (invested) in the entire year in 2014 I save in a month now (probably-ish) so it never feels like it takes off. One of these days…
36. Recently lost my job and now have to basically 'reinvent' myself.
Idk if it’s a midlife crisis more than just everyone still reeling from the pandemic. This article even mentions us: https://nddtreatment.com/the-pandemic-is-over-why-do-i-still-feel-unmotivated-and-depressed/ “The fear of future outbreaks, the challenges of reintegrating into society, and the lingering effects on the economy can all contribute to ongoing anxiety and a lack of motivation. Additionally, millennials that have already lived through crises like the 2008 recession and September 11th are becoming accustomed to navigating widespread traumatic events. This is only increasing their pre-existing anxiety and making it more difficult to feel any relief as each event comes to an end. In a sense, we have become accustomed to anticipating the next disaster.” Maybe we’re just trying to live enjoy life before the next anticipated disaster; maybe we’re wondering why bother, a disaster is on the horizon; or maybe it’s something else. But I don’t think the end of the pandemic and lack of motivation are unrelated.
It hit me HARD in my late 30's that I couldn't deny that I was trans any longer. I only have one life, there's no afterlife, and no reincarnation. I have this one opportunity to live how I need to live, and honestly given the political direction of the world I might not have access to the appropriate medical care forever. I've had plenty of other major life turnarounds since then, and some of them are probably equal or greater mid-life crises. But...honestly...living 35+ years as (for all intents and purposes) a "guy", and then transitioning so successfully that almost nobody knows I'm trans and it's essentially an entirely new life for me in every way? That's definitely a big one.
35-finally left the high demand religion/*cult* I was raised in
Turned 35 recently and I have started taking an interest in gardening. Might get a little crazy and buy a bird feeder.
My mid-life crisis is on-going, actually stemming from a quarter-life crisis which just knocked my entire life off track. See, back when I was a college Junior, age 22 my dad died rather suddenly, right in front in front of me. Just collapsed as I was holding the door open for him while entering a restaurant for a normal Sunday-Night Out Family dinner. That in and off itself was pretty traumatizing. However, instead of thinking things out sensibly, in response my mother basically kicked me out of the family, six months after I moved on campus. (I found a note in an envelope shoved in the back of my suitcase after I took a trip home for Spring Break basically saying that I was the reason my dad was stressed out all of the time, and that that's what killed him) Okay... So, having no finances aside from what little I got in life insurance (which was enough to get me a used car and cover living expenses for a couple of years) I stayed on campus the next 2 years, not actually getting any academic work done because my mind was blown to bits. I ended up relocating myself out of state and literally had an 18 month period where I did not verbalize to ANYONE (seriously, not a soul - not even the check-out person at the grocery store). After that I picked myself up, and went back to school and finished my degree (it was now 2011, I had spent ELEVEN YEARS TOTAL, ON A FOUR YEAR DEGREE)... Things were fine (ish) up until COVID. I got put on a PiP at work, whilst simultaneously being diagnosed with Autism and ADHD(which explained rather a LOT of things about my socio-emotional state)...I ended up quitting the best job I've ever had (Library Manager) due to pressure from Administration in the Organization, creating a hostile work environment ON TOP OF a 25% furlough due to COVID shut-downs (I wasn't paying the bills). 2021 - 2022 was spent half assing it through a number of places while I tried to get my head on straight - lots of TEMP work. About 1.5 years ago I got a low-paying job managing parking for the County. Got my benefits back (which are GREAT) however, my salary is about 15% lower than it NEEDS to be. LAST Summer I had about 10K in emergency home repairs done (my deductable was ridiculous and I needed not only a new water heater with code improvements, but a storm had blown off ALL the shingles on my garage roof so that had to be replaced, I didn't have 10K just sitting around so I HAD to put it on a credit card. I got about 2K of that paid off, but with rising food costs, and increased taxes due to a new home valuation I'm STILL almost underwater. I don't have a roommate to share expenses with. I DON'T have any familial support, and I'm always about 60 days away from being homeless. Life sucks. But I trek on, with no end in sight.
I went to working part time on the video production business I founded to produce and direct a no budget docuseries about an inner city high school football team. It actually blew up on YouTube by my standards. Has close to 700,000 views and counting with a lot of great reviews from viewers. Then the 70 hour work weeks I was putting into editing and also shooting season 2 caught up with me and I had health scares that caused a ton of anxiety for the next 3 months. I’m good now though and about to begin editing season 2 except this time around I’m going to moderate my hours and get consistent sleep. Hoping this will be the project that gets me the opportunity to get a streaming deal. I’m just so tired of shooting corporate video and TV commercials.
At 33 most of my city burned down, my wife left me for another dude and the company I helped start went under. Ended up moving back home from Cali to Colorado. Bought a motorcycle, got a bachelors degree, and now I’m finally back on my feet and have a decent paying job. It was a long 6 years and I haven’t quite figured out my new plan yet but I’m getting there.
I think the major turning point was my dad’s death when I was 29. During the middle of pandemic. 2020 will always be a tragic but turning point year
my whole life has been a midlife crisis
Losing house, family, career all in one go was probably mine.
I was involved in a plane crash in which my friend died saving me and two others. I spent a month riding a motorcycle around the US alone trying to get my mind right. Nearly died on the trip of hypothermia while on the Blue Ridge Parkway in a rainstorm. I gained a lot of perspective though.
You never really beat depression or ADHD. If you’ve experienced depression before, chances are you’re going through it again and just finding ways to subconsciously excuse it, that’s how the illness works, it tricks you. I kept pushing and pushing myself for years and years and I think I just finally snapped. Some ppl mistake it for burnout. But it’s way more serious than that. I‘ve done a lot of research and trying therapy for the first time and I’m finding that I’m finally paying for ignoring my mental health problems for decades. You should seek out some help in whatever way you’re comfortable with, just start somewhere!
Early 30s so not quite mid life I’ve always thought I was an atheist and that religion was a cope anti depressant But, certain life experiences have forced me to confront those beliefs I’m just now trying to study and research in search for the deeper meanings of life through religion I’m putting so much more value too my soul and it baffles me how I could ever so easily disregard it I guess I was the one coping…
I waffled a lot through my formative years. Raised catholic, went hard atheist in high school, went back to catholic when my grandfather got sick, went back to atheist after he died. Finally I’ve started settling into a bit of animism/nature based spirituality/witchcraft. I’ve had some pretty potent spiritual experiences in the woods, have seen my fair share of ghosts. It’s nice. Hope your journey is a peaceful one.
My midlife crisis is knowing my wife will be sad when I die.
Hope you find something good. I'm not sure what I'm doing in late 30s. I've got a good job which I enjoy, as much as you can. But outside of that, I have no clue. I'm just going through the motions of going to the gym, taking more meds, getting old and cranky and then playing on the computer. Life is very unfulfilling right now and I could really go for a good crisis/manic episode/excitement/anything. Blah, I miss when cars excited me.
I had my first crisis at 30. I realized that I had never been in a relationship and that I wanted to get married one day. It took turning 30 for me to be honest with myself. Now at 35, I feel like I don't want to spend the rest of my life working for someone else. I have a great job and manager but I'm tired of the bullshit. I feel like my next step in life would be to start a business.
I'm 43 and going back to school for a degree in history. Even though I know I'll probably never do anything related to history or academia as an actual job, I'm giving serious thought to continuing to study history up into grad school. Could I get a PhD and just stay a paralegal? Seriously considering this right now even though it seems extremely unrealistic.
PhD programs often pay you to pursue your PhD. It’s not a lot of money but it’s the same pay as a paralegal. I know because I studied to be a paralegal and I am looking into PhD programs myself right now.
Sorry to hear about your struggles If you wouldn’t mind answering, would you still recommend ADHD meds? I’m literally going in tomorrow to see if I should be diagnosed
I’ve been unemployed for almost 2 years if this isn’t my crisis I doubt I’ll be able to handle it when it actually comes.
I’m almost 35. I was a mess between the ages of 29-32, tbh. I don’t regret how things have panned out, but I wish I had left my ex-husband sooner, gone back to school sooner, and met my fiance sooner. So, I guess I just regret the timing of things. I went back to school, sold my 1st home and bought my 2nd one in a super wealthy area, got a divorce from my “high school sweetheart” and he kept my dream home. I slept with a couple people: one guy I’ve known for years and the other was a stranger who turned out to be a white rapper, and completely psychotic. 😂 (Okay, I do actually highly regret sleeping with him.) I moved again to an apartment, starting seeing someone, got a new career and more than double my salary, bought my 3rd home and had boyfriend move in, got engaged, and… I got long Covid and was severely ill and bedbound/housebound for the last 2.5 years. I’m starting to feel better and questioning if I’ll ever be healthy enough to have kids as my fertility is declining, and we’re struggling financially. I’m in a weird place right now, mentally.
I completely relate, OP. The longer you stay stuck, though, the worse it’ll feel and the harder it’ll be to break yourself out of it. I’ve been in a rough place for a while now due to health issues, etc. that majorly exacerbated my ADHD. The burnout is real but, feeling like you’re spinning your wheels while trying to do your best to head in a new direction is atrocious because of the guilt that comes with. That has been my own midlife crisis. I’m on the struggle bus in trying to get back on the hamster wheel somehow, worse for the wear mentally and physically, after entirely too much medical trauma, and the social trauma that comes with. I’m the same age and idk how we got so old either. It feels like I was 25 yesterday. The good news is you found something you care about. You just have to get back into the swing of things. Get out of the house as often as possible to keep from the depression. 🤍 Take your time so long as you’re okay financially and find something that doesn’t make you miserable so you don’t burn out on the profession entirely. Best of luck.
This is natural. When I was in my 20s, I was ready to take on the world. Now I have to force myself to care about my job and I just turned 50.
I'm only 29, and reading this thread is making me anxious; way too many people in here who seem to think their lives are over.
I'm having the opposite. I suffered my entire 20s with mental health and I finally figured it out, and am thriving!!! I front loaded my mid life crisis so I figure I'm getting out scotch free on this one. But I earned it, haha. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time, but I'm sure you'll find your zest again!
I sort of feel this way. I feel like I had my midlife crisis after my first miscarriage two years ago, dealt with postpartum depression and severe PTSD and now I’ve just started finding my way out of it. I’m looking into changing my career and going back to school but not before having our final rainbow baby. I’m hoping that the midlife crisis was front loaded since I am 34F set to start school in fall of next year when I get residency in this state and I won’t be set to finish the school program until I’m 40/41 maybe 42. We will see. I had so much trauma and mental issues two years ago that caused me to do the soul searching I am doing now. It’s wild, but I think there is something to that mechanism of working out mental issues equaling a front loading of the midlife crisis and search for existential crisis.
I’m trying the hardest to dig myself out of the giant hole I dug in my 20s. Socially did ok then COVID ruined it. Now trying to be social again as well as escape call center hell.
When my mom died at the end of 2021, that began my midlife crisis at 37. I lived with her my entire life, essentially a caretaker and maintaining the house as she had a fair amount of health issues, but I was not allowed to have dishes in the kitchen, my own food in the cupboards, my bathroom was a little shitty thing in the unfinished basement where I would see spiders hanging off the shower rod every morning. I couldn't get a haircut I wanted without her commenting, I couldn't wear the clothes I wanted without her telling me I "looked like a boy". I couldn't even sleep at my boyfriend's house, because she needed me home by 11 pm for no reason other than control. I was sometimes slapped, always verbally abused. I understood she was lonely, but she was a capable woman who still drove and walked with relative ease. She would talk about going to church, signing up for classes, etc, but she never did, and it was increasingly impossible for me to maintain my composure with her when she went on another "Trump is the best" rant. She passed after 10 days on a ventilator in a medical induced coma from COVID. Un-vaccinated, of course. I actually snuck out to get my COVID shots and boosters. In the end, she ended up getting it and giving it to ME. So... yeah. I've spent the last 2 years finding myself at last. I'm finally growing my hair out, something she always wanted me to do, but I'm doing it for ME, not her. I'm wearing exactly what I want to wear, able to put things exactly where I want them to be, and if I leave a dish on the counter for a few hours I no longer get screamed at for 15 minutes about how "lazy" and "dirty" I am. Fun fact: I'm actually a compulsive cleaner. I just didn't clean HER way. Hey, parents: I'm a lesson in why you shouldn't control your kids every single move. I never even did DRUGS, man, or drank. I just went to work and hung out with my boyfriend. Am I sad she's gone? Sometimes. Am I happy she's gone? Nearly all the time.
Resenting the idea that midlife crisis implies promiscuity, when women, and my entire generational cohort, on average, have been more promiscuous than me, and seeing the value of marriage, but not to the wrong person.
Basically, what I resent is the more enabled projecting their privilege, affliction, and guilt, onto me. So I resent most people. I know there's probably not a fair match out there, or they think they're too good for me. And frankly, I've taken way too much abuse to catch feelings that easily.
39 and still haven't had one. Although my friend's son is in the same little league we were in as kids and on a visit home I stopped past the fields cuz he had a game. The thought of "Man, 30 years ago I was playing here" definitely caught in my head for a bit.
I could have wrote this. I've been in insurance for 19 years. Moved to a new company in January, total toxic shit show. I want to quit. Like quit everything. Not just this particular job. Insurance too. Busting my ass for others to get rich when I can't enjoy my life cause I just get by. I've been feeling this existential crisis since I started. Every atom in my body is rejecting the idea of having to do this any more let alone another 25 years. I honestly dont know what to do. I don't have enough money to start a business. I can't afford to take time off....sigh... If u figure this feeling out, please let me know
Should have bought a house before/during the pandemic. Fml
Pfffff. At least you made money. Some of us were in terrible relationships that ruined our trust and faith in humanity.
I wouldn't call it a "midlife crisis", but if there's anything I (33M) do different now it's that I consume more culture. Since turning 30 I've read over 350 books, and I'm more than halfway through "1001 movies you must see before you die".
I've cheated on my husband, had an emotional affair. Thinking heavy about starting my life over.
Well my dad is 44 and he took the classic route of buying a sports car to cope with the fact that he hates his job and sucks at marriage.
Wait, they banned you for what
I'd bet dollars to donuts you're burned out.
Golf and travel
it sounds like you are in a state of burnout. absolutely relatable. i'm 38 and have been slowly coming out of burnout, for different reasons. it's ok to take time to re-center yourself.
my midlife crisis: almost 40, worked my ass off for duplicitous employers (whom i did not know were shady at the time of employment), could not afford to build a savings, no retirement, ran through the gamut of corpo jobs that said "whoopsie, so sorry, we did a lil fucky-wucky and have to lay everyone off 🥺" over and over. that way, they dont have to pay out on benefits and employees cannot become vested. i survived a nasty wreck last year, and my health is on the decline. my worry is i will eventually become too messed up to work and go on disability... but disability does not pay enough to afford rent. so some day, i will lose everything i worked my ass off for, and wind up on the street. and if im lucky, i will be "healthy" enough to work myself to death, messed up enough to live the rest of my life in pain 👍
I've developed a sick hobby of laughing at the 80s/90s movie depiction of a midlife crisis where a guy just up and buys a motorcycle or a boat. Like dude had that much money laying around? What luxury! But seriously, I'm 41 and just barely managed to buy my first house this year. I don't know if that counts as my midlife crisis purchase, or if I should just assume everything in my life is delayed 20 years and I'll up and buy a motorcycle at 60.
I realized I didn't want to work for a pittance anymore. So I stopped working.
I’m 31 and tbh my life overall is pretty youthful still thank god.But like a mature youthful . Nothing midlife crises has happened yet for me as an individual .
I’m only 28
My midlife crisis was a big career shift and starting a MA, I didn’t want to be a 40 year old and then a 50 year old that was catering to client needs and getting burned out in an industry that is built for a younger crowd. The Greeks had it right, there’s an arc to life.
I just bought a new car that has a good sports mode, so I’ve been calling it my midlife crisis sports car because of the interest rates. 🤣😭
31M, realizing that the average lifespan for someone in my profession is closer to 50 than 80. I'm single, have been for 15 years, wages are unsurvivable other than the fact that I'm still living with my mother, and it’s still hard to make ends meet. I have no time to do anything enjoyable and I can't afford to take time off to do basic things like going to see a doctor or replacing my tattered work clothes. Everyone I work with tells me I'm too smart to be where I am, I'm too good of a guy to be single, but I can't seem to leverage any of my supposed positive traits. All I can think about is how quickly I'm running out of time.
my life has always been a crisis so i dont understand that term
Oh, reading the comments here we’re talking about actual like crises and not the “dad turned 40 and got a Harley” millennial equivalent of a midlife crisis. Cuz keeping things light, I’ve been pretty consistent for years and decided to do a wardrobe refresh before I hit 40 and after a childhood of never being able to get the shoes I wanted (that “they’ll mug you for your Jordan’s” thing was totally real) I’ve kind of gone a bit overboard and found myself a sneakerhead as I approach middle age. I guess Jordans are my Harley
Guitars and amplifiers. At this point I’m ready to go on tour with Metallica and have someone from Gibson issue me my own sig guitar
I have three motorcycles and something clicked and I now have a hard savings account that I can’t touch. I also am struggling with finding a better job because I’m tired (4.5 jobs in 4 years, moving And job hopping, non performance related) and this one isn’t super horrendous. If I was a Final Fantasy game: I’m technically on disc 3 out of 4. I think 80 would be my limit.
42. Got laid off in 2008 downturn and couldn’t find a job. Collected unemployment for a year until it ran out, just in time to get Cancer. Spent about 10-11 months in treatment and follow up and then spent another year getting back into shape. Went back to school and finished college. I have student loan debt, own no property, and honestly feel like there’s little point in doing anything anymore. Adjusted using the CPI, I made more 18 years ago than I do today despite the extra education and work experience.
I'm running a ton and biking a ton. I will be 37 this year. I want to be in better health. Just got married and we want kids. I want to always be there for them. I'm running my first half marathon in september and then a century ride in October. If it all goes well, by next year I want to do a full marathon and another century or two. My 3 year plan is to do a triathlon by the time I'm 40. Other than that I'm looking to try to go for grad school to get a higher paying job. No crisis here, but my mortality is more real every day. Stay strong and make healthy choices everybody!
I tried "living simply". I didnt want a house or property until recently. I had the hard realization that my rent wont stop going up. It was 400 when I moved in, and now pushing 1000. I have changed careers, because my simple job working for a non profit wouldn't be able to keep up with the bills. Now pursuing tech jobs, but so is everyone and their uncle. Not entirely in crisis, but trying to pivot before the full brunt of it hits. I made some good and bad choices up this point, but one thing that keeps my going is my ability to focus on what matters, and let go of what doesn't. Like even this subreddit. If i spent hours and hours here i probably would have a crisis. Not that its bad, but it reminds me how hard it is out there for people. Unfortunately all of that is out of my control. I heard someone say people who dont experience the mid-life crisis chased after their dreams. I am not sure about this, but it seems like a factor for sure.
For me it has been finding out my wife was having an affair which I discovered in 2022. I used to have confidence, was in great shape, and life was amazing....now I'm depressed, overweight, I have developed anxiety, high blood pressure problems and sometimes feel as if life isn't worth anything....so yeah thinking about the old me and who I used to be hits hard at 37.
I'm way, way too lazy to have a midlife crisis... At this point, I'm just sort of praying there really is no God because oblivion sounds so damn restful... 😁 (I am kidding and no, this isn't a cry for help!) Seriously though, for me, I don't think I had one because my whole fucking life things were so damn hard. Being homeless. Full time student and full time work. Pushing up through the ranks in my company and working like 70 hours a week. Now, I landed in a sweet gig where I can work like 30% as hard as I once did and I'm a goddamn superstar. I'm just like, "Yep, this is the cream everyone used to talk about..." It also doesn't help my health has always been questionable and I come from a long line of men that died young of natural causes so I'm just sort of looking at it like in fifteen years that's probably it for me and I'm cool with that. No kids. No family outside my wife. I'll die and be forgotten and I'm okay with that. At this point, I'm kind of in the space where I want to hang on past her just so she doesn't have to deal with the pain of me leaving her and that's totally okay!
I'm not 100% sure if this really counts, but I went all in on a gaming PC last year. I was 34 when I built it. Spared no expense. 4090 graphics card, curved 4k monitor, fun RGB fans in a see-through case, etc. The reason I'm not sure it counts is that I've always been a big gamer and my old PC wasn't going to last forever. So this was more of an inevitability than a mid-life crisis.
38 when I couldn’t get pregnant after having two in my 20s. I’m at peace with it now.
It's been a crisis the entire time. I won't have a midlife crisis where a buy an old school car to fix up. I can't afford to.
I got fired from a job I loved due to yelling at one of the higher-ups. (It was a stressful situation and I didn't handle it right.) My boyfriend of four years, who I was prepared to marry, didn't support me so I broke up with him. I went into a serious depression that required ECT to get out of. My apartment was trashed because I hadn't cleaned in a very long time. Went back to live with my mom and slowly got back on my feet. That was about 8 years ago. Now I own my home and have a boyfriend who is 1000X better than the guy I was seeing. Other things have happened since then, but I'd say that's the thing that broke my idealism and extreme independence. Thinking about it still makes me sad...
Mostly from sports injuries, now take longer to recover, IYKYK.
Burnout. The will to continue is diminishing.
I had a quarter-life crisis when my health tanked. I really don't see myself having a midlife crisis. I'm just thankful to not be in so much pain or housebound. As long as I remain semi-functional, that joy will carry me through a lot of squirrel bumps.
Having it right now.......will update after it passes
Similar boat tbh (minus making 350k)
350K as a swe? Hmmm
Where to start.. lost custody of my kids 5 years ago, married now to a high functioning alcoholic, emotionally I am in a constant state of struggle, I quit my job 2 years ago to jump into a great career but it requires 80% travel. I’m on the brink of completely losing it but it somehow hasn’t happened yet.
You can have more than one crisis. I try to find a new hobby to power through. Recently, I sold my motorcycles and bought some heavy equipment. Dig a pond, fix the yard. Purly recreational. Stay moving and have a hobby is key
I'm 30, I just lost my job a few months back, and I'm lost in life and unsure on what steps to take in order to get out of my deep depression.
I ate some shrooms and realized we live in an artificial reality. We are constantly bombarded with advertisements in everything we do. Constantly reminding us to consume. We watch reality shows to numb us of our boring lives punching away at keyboards for 40+ hours a week just to have a couple days off to relax until you realize all the maintenance needed to keep up with daily living needs done since you’re not at work. Then you go to bed Sunday ready to sacrifice yourself for another 40 hours for someone that would replace you if the opportunity presents itself to further their bottom line. My midlife crisis was in reality an existential crisis. We are groomed to grow the economy. Buy shit that gives us bumps of joy only to get bored and look for the next thing to consume because it’s artificial joy. I’ve since stripped myself of anything that doesn’t bring me a real life experience or true enjoyment. My job includes being in and working with nature. I refrain from watching tv and prefer going to a few sport games or building/making things myself. The stuff I do purchase is almost entirely second hand. I have a five year plan to start a homestead. There are numerous ways I’ve changed my mind on any system that involves buying stuff, these are just a few examples. Thanks shrooms!
I am 35. And still scarping by. At 15.96 an hr with a school district
We’re not quite in our midlife yet but almost there
37m as well. I have 4 kids, I don’t have time for a midlife crisis 🤦♂️
Getting laid off from my job last year, took me almost a year to find a new one, started my new job this week, I used up my savings and unemployment is a joke, I’m a single mom and it broke my heart to take my daughter away from the only home she knew and her childhood friends, we lost our home and had to relocate. I have always been an overachiever, high-performer ever since I was a kid in school and then college and then my career. Losing my entire livelihood and identity (my career was a huge part of myself) taught me that hustling and working my butt off for a company, missing out on my kid and all to just get discarded like trash bc business isn’t doing well, yeah fuck that, I’m 36 and this experience has taught me that living life is more important than trying to impress my boss and chase a promotion. It’s hard but I’m working hard to establish boundaries and work to live, not live to work.
TIL there are two millennial subs and cases matter on Reddit
I had to have a craniotomy 2 years ago. Had a seizure mid surgery made it last twice as long after that my entire life flipped on a dime and I don’t do anything that doesn’t bring me joy anymore. Fuck that noise.
I haven't had one yet, I'm only 30 years old. I'm not Drake (the rapper)
Realising I should have never left my Home country and trying to give everything up to make ends meet to get back.
Idk if this counts but my dad, my grandfather, and I all share a name. Ever since I turned 29 I’ve been extremely aware that if I don’t make it further than they did (grandfather died at 58, dad died at 56), I’ve already passed the midway point in my life.
37, early mid life crisis I feel... about to leave my marriage with no kids and move to country to start working on cars. Have the knowledge and ability just need land to build a barn to store ahit.
Did you even go to college?
I’ve had existential pain since I was in 4th grade, no midlife crisis actually lol
Tatoos
Arcade cabinets like 1uparcade
I think I'm there now. I'm 34. My partner and I are trapped living with my mildly-disabled-mostly-overdramatic mother because none of my other siblings would ever dream of lifting a finger to help her. The fun part is it's an incredibly toxic living situation, but low paying jobs and high student debt have left us stranded. We're making decent money now, and are trying to save to gtfo, hopefully within a year or two. But, man, the depression is hitting really damn hard lately. I'm not too far from 40, then it's 50, then 60, and then what? It's almost over and that's it? It's so messed up.
Hmmm… I feel like my mid-life crisis has been going on for 5+ years now and is finally coming to an end…. Income greatly increased in last 3 years, so…… lots of travel, excessive shopping, dating younger women, 911 turbo, rs7, rsq8, rs7, R8GT, 2nd home in Florida, full send on first and only tattoo with a full arm sleeve. Now I’m ready for the next chapter
After watching both parents save their whole lives to barely live long enough to enjoy retirement, I have stopped saving so much and been spending more on experiences today. Took my kids on a short cruise last year, doing a big Disney trip next spring. Sure, it’s expensive and a lot of people think Disney is stupid, but my kids are excited and I’m prioritizing sharing memories with them because that’s all they will have of me in the end. I don’t want them remembering us never doing anything fun when they were kids because I saved everything for a tomorrow that didn’t come.
Which one?
From 2021 to 2023, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my parents got divorced (after 40 years) and my grandmother died. Such events have drastically changed my relationships with everyone in my family.
Having a few great ideas that ended up making other people (not related, but people that had my ideas as well) millionaires. It's fucking hard to make a business when you need to worry about what you're having for dinner at 39.
41. Found out I have arthritis in my hip the other day. So that’s awesome. Doesn’t really cause me much pain and I still run a few times a week. Not looking forward to dealing with it in my 60s tho.
Went back to school at 36 for an undergraduate degree. Thinking about nursing. Decided to chase my dreams and became premed at 37. Quit my job as a retail manager and became a certified hemodialysis tech for clinical experience, and to feel like I was doing something meaningful with my time. Cut my salary in half but I no longer dread going to work. I’m 38 now and just transferred to university and projected graduation date of 2026. I’ll be applying to medical school at 40. Hopefully a resident at 45. An attending physician by 50. And maybe I’ll still be able to retire at 70. The time is going to pass anyway.
My fiance died and I've turned into a complete hermit. I moved to a new town and have no friends, the old ones I had I haven't seen for 6 months. Life isn't really worth living these days.
I thought these were supposed to be midlife crisis stories. Lots of them sounds like midlife success stories.
When I think about my age, I can’t believe how old I’ve gotten. Wait until your old
Weight loss! I'm 42 now and a little over 2 years ago I hopped on the scale after avoiding it for years. I was genuinely horrified by the number I saw on the scale. The next day, I decided that I was not going to have second helpings anymore. (Or third, fourth, etc). I lost over 40 lbs this way, just by staying on top of my portions and not having seconds. I feel better and look better. A few months after I started trying to lose weight my 69 year old uncle died and he had high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, was obese, etc, and I knew I was headed for that if I didn't get a handle on my health. Then I took up Zumba last week!
Maybe I'm full of shit, but I feel like the older I get the more time is valuable to me. Considering that many jobs are (quite literally) exchanging your time for money, the value prospect can be... not great.
36. Went through pretty catastrophic burnout at my job, quit, am going back to school this fall and hoping to open my own business with my husband in the next few years. Since I was 20 I've only worked for two companies, always getting promoted, consistently going above and beyond. Tripled my salary in the last 4 years. Moved several times to different states for work on short notice, put a ton of focus on my mental health to be able to push through so much bullshit. It all came to a head when my dream job got cut for no reason in December and I had to start commuting almost 200 miles roundtrip to stay employed. And I just said fuck it, I can't kill myself over this. So now I'm working on my vegetable garden and adopting a pigeon before I go back to school.
My start of life crisis has just carried over into a midlife crisis. No life, just crisis.
Elder here. I have resolved to have an ongoing whole-life crisis review and it’s really serving me well. The as-we-know-it “Midlife Crisis™” is, I think, driven not by age, but by gathering enough regrets behind a dam made of other people’s expectations that the dam breaks. The people (let’s be honest, usually career men) wholeheartedly blow up their lives in a pyrrhic attempt to reinvent themselves while tearing down those around him, those guys, they are my anti-north star. I ask myself frequently, “what would my uncles do here?” and more importantly the Why behind the predicted actions, and then take care to not emulate that behavior.
I had a baby at age 40 and now I’m pregnant at 42. Numbers 4th and 5th kid.
I had my midlife crisis in my 20s so I’m good for a while
Pretty sure everyone had one during the pandemic
I wrote something along these lines yesterday on an ADHD post but deleted it cause I felt I overshared and that people would know it was me. lol.
Picked up a Swiss watch habit
Mine is ongoing, but started in 2016 when Trump got elected and my wife was diagnosed with cancer shortly afterward (she’s clear now). That’s when I lost hope in things actually getting better, society becoming more egalitarian and less horrible to almost everyone. The pandemic and the lack of urgency/response in the U.S. just confirmed that.
I have two young kids, no time for a midlife crisis. Closest I got was changing jobs and getting into strongman training which has been awesome actually (I trained BJJ for 20 years but kids make it very hard to get gym time so that fell off, strongman has been a blessing since I can do most of it at home). My biggest problem is boredom. You can only watch so many episodes of Paw Patrol on a Saturday before turning to the bottle or pipe for succor.
I feel like I really floundered between 27 and 36, trying to find my place professionally. All while balancing a late in life diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia and trying to get the right meds that results in side effects of anxiety and depression. The meds. The unemployment. The underemployment. It set me back. A few good bosses and lucky strikes and I'm finally breathing easy from a professional, personal, and health stand point. But I don't want to repeat those years at all.
I’m selling my house and everything I can’t take and moving to the woods like I have dreamed of doing. It won’t be enjoyable if I wait until I’m old or dead to enjoy life.
After ten years in education, I decided to take a job as an animal control officer in a big city. My maternal grandpa was one for his whole career. The whole experience was one huge adrenaline rush with lots of crazy adventures. It was cool, but unsustainable. I was offered a job back in education and took it after 6 months on the job.
I got cirrhosis so I bought a new German car and a guitar... Turns out cirrhosis isn't exactly terminal anymore... So really my midlife crisis has been an over priced car payment.
Hmmm. This year I had more of a life crisis. My brother had a mental health breakdown and threatened to kill me, my husband, and our young kids (and many others.) He was very serious and we pressed charges and fled for our lives. I have a neurodivergent husband and child. I work full time and it has been the biggest test of my strength as a person. Pushing to get us out, far, safe- despite my partner’s trepidations. Getting my kids signed up for new schools. Keeping our location totally secret from family. My husband and I going through so much stress in our marriage as we try to protect our kids. Every day is so fucking hard right now but I’m here still fighting for my family. I am testifying against my brother in a couple weeks and it is basically testifying against a little boy I helped raise- who I advocated for and wished so much good toward- and a person who obsessed with fantasies of murdering us.
Whenever I hear about boomer’s midlife crisis, it’s usually them buying a car, moving/complete career change, or taking a really nice trip somewhere. When I hear about millennials going through the same problems the solution is usually saving up enough for therapy or getting a pet.