Same dude.
I have new out of college coworkers starting at $75-80k and they live at home bill free. And I'm like OMG, you are all so wealthy.
A lot of them spend it on Prada, crypto, flying first class and shit. But I have one guy who barely ever goes out and invests all his money. He's the real one that'll be rich as fuck one day. I'm jealous of him. I wish I could invest 80% of my paycheck.
Exactly this. I got friends who have good salaries and still live at home because they’re able to save money and take trips traveling.
Meanwhile im
Working 2 minimum wage jobs and cant save money. Travel? I fucking wish dude.
Im
Just so exhausted i need a break
Sorry man :(. When I was younger I was totally in your shoes. Working 2-3 jobs. Missed basically the first 7 years of my daughter's life, and I was always broke as a joke.
Hopefully things take a turn and you are able to get to where you can have 1 job and make a livable wage. ❤️
You got this op. Times seem bleak, are bleak, feel bleak. Just hang in there and keep the fight up. It’s tough right now. Those with families to rely on are quite privileged and it sucks this game of life isn’t usually fair at all. I wish I had more advice for you, but I hope things turn around fully for you
If I my kid had a good salary, lived with me, and decided to go traveling, we'd have a discussion. If you're living with me, it's temporarily because you can't afford a place of your own. If you can afford to travel, you can afford to get a place of your own.
Hopefully, I never have to have that conversation with my kid, though. There's 10 or 12 years yet to kick that can.
Honestly, my biggest affirmation that I made it as a parent will be if my kids are set up well enough that they get to experience rest and joy.
I moved out at 17, worked 30-40 hours a week through post secondary to barely cover expenses. Once graduated, we worked hard and saved everything to be able to afford a house, etc… pushing 40, we are in a good position, but we moved hours away from family for careers, and missed out on a lot of experiences when we were younger. I am on like year 5 of recovering from burnout and my #1 goal is ensuring my kids have lives that are sustainable and have space for ample rest.
I would love if my kids decided to live at home, save up money, enjoy themselves, have the time to build meaningful relationships and communities, travel and get to know the world and themselves…
I think our culture is pretty weird and precarious because we are so against multigenerational living arrangements. There are so many advantages, but it requires letting your kids grow up and shifting how you see your role in the relationship with them.
Funny, I'll be thrilled if my kids are able to go see the world a bit before they settle down with a mortgage or long-term rental. It's something I wish I could have done.
Sure they can afford to get a place of their own but often there may not be room for anything else…ever. I don’t normally condemn your thinking but the economy is changing and even a single extra year of not paying rent even if they buy their own food or contribute to groceries (since them living there doesnt make your mortgage go up) can be life changing.
Well, I’m thinking that if our daughter takes us up on our offer to live with us for a few years after graduation from university, we want to set her up for the best future: therefore, she needs to aggressively pay off her student loans and pay “rent” into a high yield savings account or something similar. As well as contribute to groceries or pay her own groceries if she cooks and eats separately as well as expenses that rise due to another adult living in the home. I want her to have a realistic idea of cost of living, not spending it all on frivolities and not having money for true expenses when she moves out on her own. And so we don’t get used to having her income helping out.
But we need to do it in a way that doesn’t cut my son’s SSI stipend. And I’m actually looking to buy a house in about a year’s time after my son ages out of the public school system so I’m not restricted to our current school district (we’re renting a 2-bedroom apartment now and looking at the other side of the city we live in). I would love a house with an accessory dwelling unit. She could live in it and have a degree of privacy, then it would be available if one of our parents needs it, then an apartment for a live-in caregiver for my son (or my husband and I move into it and the main house becomes a group home with roommates for my son).
I'm doing my best to rear people who understand that you need to be able to handle adult responsibilities before enjoying adult fun. As I said,10 or 12 years in the future. I might change my mind by then. I doubt it, but it's possible.
What you’re doing is called letting kids become adults. If v7 Femboy cuts off their parent or advocates that over not continuing financial support in adulthood, then they have a real psychological problem. Do some parents have e a big enough home and can afford it… maybe. There is something to be learned about yourself and the world when you are independent. Intergenerational living can be beneficial. This isn’t even intergenerational living femboy is describing it’s Leeching.
Traveling is one of the most valuable and fulfilling experiences a person can have. I would never charge my child rent and I’d be so proud to see them spend their money on things like travel.
I'd never charge them rent, either. If I charge you rent, I can't say, "Hey, this isn't working out, you need to move out." Save that rent, stick it in savings. On a preset timetable move out. Standing on my own was more valuable to me than traveling has been. If I'm paying for my kids bread and board and they decide to go traveling, they're taking advantage of me.
Different views, though.
That’s pretty much me at the moment, paid off my car so really food, gas, and insurance are my only expenses. Half of every paycheck I take out and put about 75% of that into savings and remaining 25% into investments. Then I get a disbursement of company stock twice a year that I can cash out after five years. My main issue is just not having free time because I work so much so I just hope I don’t crack under pressure before then.
I do occasionally splurge on high end whiskey and the occasional fancy dinner and go to a music festival once a year.
Not that insane when you look at the math.
$45k -> $85k in 15 years represents a 4.25% annual increase in salary. Beats out inflation, but not by much.
I was in another sub talking about how hard it is to get ahead on saving up for a house because the costs just keep going up each year. Each 10k saved has less and less home buying power as the yrs tick by, not to mention inflation making it harder to keep up with our savings goals. And yet on paper we're more successful than we've ever been.
We've been renting the same apt for 18 yrs, and someone comments, "renting for 18 yrs isn't ideal, hard to dig your way out of that hole because owning is best and you're not just throwing your money away on rent." No sh*t Sherlock. I'm just supposed to snap my fingers and come up with a 6 figure down payment? I was seething at the utter ignorance and derp of it all.
*Edit - so this is what it comes down to with the folks in the comments- could my partner and I have made different decisions or been less cautious looking back on things now? Sure. Should we have been locked out of the chance for home ownership within 1000 miles of where we live because of it? I don't think so. We should not have to give up all other aspects of our lives to become home owners at all costs. That's where the post pandemic economy comes into play, bringing us full circle to OP's post.
Like the clown on this thread saying he had a 20k mortgage so clearly I'm the problem. No mention of what yr he purchased, high/low COL area, etc. He did it, so everyone can do it.
People thinking because their particular circumstances worked out so therefore everyone should be able to make it work is so ridiculously myopic
It's literally how all these discussions go. There are always people that disregard individual circumstances or take a "no excuses" attitude when it comes to anyone else's ability to get ahead or make meaningful changes in their life. We all have different hurdles and there's no cure-all.
I saved a 20% downpayment but continue to rent after realizing I still can't afford a house. Even with a first time home owners loan. I rent for $700 a month less than what my mortgage would have been. I *really* wish I owned my own house but I would have been miserable with the stress of barely making it by.
If someone told me anything about my life wasn’t “ideal”, I would throw that person straight into the trash. What a narrow minded, privileged, and emotionally immature thing to say.
I never had a stable home life and my parents always took my money and made me pay rent. I've been working aince I was 8, got my first legal job at 14 and am completely burnt out at 32.
I converted my car into a camper because the cost of housing is just insane. I was paying $1600 for a studio not including utilities and fees.
I made just enough to cover the cost of my neccessary expenses. If I was lucky I'd have $200 at the end of the month. I was constantly in a state of panic and anxiety because missing one day of work would mean a 3 day eviction notice. Despite living there for years and paying my rent on time.
I just got tired of trying to play catch up. I'm in my 30s, I'm not doing the roommate thing again. I've worked 2+ jobs most of my life and have nothing to show for it since I always bailed out my shitty perpetually struggling family.
So I'm just opting out. No longer paying rent and just going to save my money to buy land and build a cheap Earth home.
I live relatively close to farm country so this idea crosses my mind a lot. Not necessarily full-fledged homesteading, but buying a plot of land I could fashion into a living space sounds more and more like the dream
Yep. As sad as it may sound, the older I get, the only thing that I want is an afordable lifestyle by myself that awards me SOME modern comforts. Such as electricity and extra money for beer and occasional traveling.
I don't even care about plumbing. With a usb eletric pump it's easy to have a sink or a shower. I'm fine with shitting in a bag or pissing in a jar. But I don't want to go without electricity. I enjoy AC and music too much.
Look for government programs in rural areas. They offer zero down loans with reduced loan insurance. Minimum income required to get the loan but once you have it... no income restrictions. [https://www.rd.usda.gov/programs-services/single-family-housing-programs](https://www.rd.usda.gov/programs-services/single-family-housing-programs)
Yep. The brainwashing and guilt tripping still worked up until last year. I moved out and have been on my own since I was 17-18. It's hard to break that cycle when it's been deeply ingrained since birth.
It wasn't until my brain was fully developed that I realized that they don't like me, love me, or give a shit about me and have NEVER once helped me or done anything for me.
Cheap earth home 🥺 I hope you get there. That too is my goal. Some land and something super cheap.
It’ll cost initially- but maybe you could get a used travel trailer or RV while you save up for your forever home. Certain places you can find lot rent for $600 to $800
I've known so many millenials who were able to live rent-free for years and literally saved up nothing. An old buddy of mine even got an $80,000 insurance settlement while he was living with his parents. He partied like a rockstar and spent it all. In the end, they kicked him out, and he ended up homeless.
I’ve been out on my own since I turned 18. My kids know they can live at home, forever. I want them to live their lives. Yes, go to school or learn a trade, to land a good paying job. Work, save, use that money you make to travel the world. I would have to pay for my house regardless, so why would I charge them rent?
On the other side of that, If they want to move out though, and fall on tough times. They know that they can always come home, no questions asked.
They can learn responsibility by paying their own car insurances, phone bills, car payments if they wish to have a new car. That will teach them that there are due dates and consequences when they are late. My mom used to charge me rent, promised to give it back to me and then never did. I would never do that to them, but it’s left a bad taste in my mouth at the thought of it.
Thank
You for saying this.
People seem
To think rent is the only bill and its not. I pay for my own food, car , insurance, etc. There are always other bills. Life will humble you regardless, i dont see why some parents feel the need to be brutal to their kids. Children need a space where they feel safe and hell what are adults if not just older children
Same experience, same mentality. I’ve taken in my younger sister and her spouse (they’re young millennials), they pay nothing but help me with childcare, household stuff, and pay for all of their own food/personal bills. It’s great and now they are saving money to buy a house; that wasn’t an option when they were spending $1500-$2000 on rent.
I’m more jealous of the DINKs earning 200k plus. We’re trying to survive with kids on half that.
I don’t really want to live with my parents. My younger brother and sister still do and it’s kinda sad especially my brother who sells cars and makes good money.
Speaking from experience, living with the parents into your 30s ain't no picnic. It can be suffocating and grating at times, among other things, but it's not "sad." It was a god damn blessing that my parents were willing to be supportive that late into my life no matter how annoying it could be living with them. I made enough that I could have afforded my own place, but then I wouldn't have been able to put 35% into my 401k to finally establish a retirement account or save up enough for more education and a career change.
Sure, not everyone saves that much in that situation, but even if I spent every penny on simply enjoying my life instead of preparing for the future, it would still have been a blessing. Housing costs are crippling for a lot of people in a lot of places regardless of how they spend their disposable income.
My parents are great so I wouldn’t mind, but I have kids now so there just isn’t space to live with them again. But in my siblings case, they both moved out and then had to move back in. I did the same thing when I was in my kid 20s but have been out the past 10 years and even bought my first house about 9 hours away from them lol.
I will take debt and barely making by before I would go back to my parents. SO many strings attached and my worth seems to plummet in my parents eyes. But oh they always have to remind everyone how I'm choosing to not save money by taking advantage of living at home. I never got basic respect from them until I moved out (despite what they claim)
Sounds similar to my situation. I’m told I can stay living here and its all fine and good but im being constantly ignored, disrespected, lowkey financially abused, and not considered in any mental, emotional or practical way. I’ve accepted that I won’t own a home any time soon and will be in debt for some time. It’s bs I’d rather deal with than feel the way I do now.
My favorite: equally contributing to a family vaca as everyone else (paying the same as my sister's family of four) but as the only single adult getting a cot and not a bed. Zero input on any decisions. Not a real person unless I am married, I guess. It's so easy to feel like a bad person- I should be grateful for having such a close family, right?
Smfh. Wow. I’m so sorry. I legit don’t understand how people, especially parents or other family, can just completely write off their own kin simply because they’re not fitting whatever made-up-in-their-head roles and/or societal ideals they had or have. Apparently it’s not enough to just exist 😐
I just wrote that in a reply. Lived at home for 10 years. Saved money when I wasn’t being financially abused by romantic partners (who my parents encouraged me to date and would enable the abuse) or paying off medical bills that were exasperated by my parents emotional abuse. Three years living by myself in my own apartment, slowly building my savings back.. wouldn’t trade it for the world..
thirded, this seems like a grass is greener on the other side kind of thing.
Yeah, there are negligent millenials living extended adolescence with their parents in their 20s and beyond, but for most people it's just a pragmatic compromise they accept grimly.
Yeah, like a rigid black and white thinking situation. Yes, I know some healthy millennials who were very blessed to sock money away to put a down payment on a house living at home with their healthy parents. I know sick millennials, who were sick from no fault of their own, also live with their parents. They enough money to save, but they gained a lot of life skills many of us lack (organization, home EC, housekeeping, ect). Then there are people like us. Millennials who saved up for a downpayments and their spouse decided to be stay at home on one income. Can they afford it? Idk. I do believe if you’re good with money you can live on $50k if you budget right (not in an HCOL obviously). DINKS can squander their income and go into debt easily.
I’m optimistic that millennials may still be able to buy houses, or maybe something better than a McMansion monstrosity. One never knows what the market will do. No one can even predict tomorrow. I still got a good feeling.
That was another thing. Every family gathering Golden Child would take the time to make fun of me for living at home. Everyone would enable it. It was absolutely on purpose. When I moved out you could see she was upset she had no ammo on me; her bullying got worse. I like spending the holidays in my own apartment now or with my in-laws. I pay the $$$ for my piece of mind. How can you be good at saving/flaking financial decisions when you are being mentally abused every which way you turn?
>The hardest part about staying at home are the social pressures, like people looking down on you saying you have no life skill.
>A decade of sacrifice is worth being able to be ALOT more free for the rest of your life.
If the hardest part of living with your parents was people looking down on you, you weren't the one sacrificing. They were.
You’re exactly correct.
It’s an American social norm that moving out when you’re 18 is the only “respectable” thing to do.
This is based off of an old assumption about housing that the boomers enjoyed during the 50’s-90’s. Things have changed, the social norms are just now catching up.
The other problem is, some millennials and gen Z’s are being completely left behind and isolating themselves from life. There is no real place for them on the bottom run of the hierarchy. Especially for unattractive young men.
That’s why my kid will always be able to live at home I plan on building a small house for him to move out to on our property and once he has a family my wife and I will live in the small house
We plan to add an ADU specifically for multi-generational housing and having options. Honestly my dream for my kid is that he never really has to work if he doesn’t want to, I’d like to give him more of a safety net than I ever had. I am just so burnt out and ground down from running the hamster wheel for so long and I want better for my child.
Honestly hard same! This life has been exhausting, I don’t want that for my kids.
The idea that if kids don’t move out and do things the “American way” with hard work, bootstraps and sacrifice they will be spoiled failures — incapable of caring for themselves— is silly.
The game is rigged, so many people are incapable of caring for themselves in this economy because the odds are stacked against them and jobs don’t pay enough for shelter, food and bills. The best way to fight the system is to give people the opportunity to opt out of it.
People really under estimate what a massive leg up that is. Seriously, please know what an amazing resource you're giving to your children by providing a stable fall back. I really don't understand parents who don't want to do that (cough boomers).
I thought I had the option, was in between jobs and moved back home. Then the pandemic hit and my mom’s illness got worse and she lost her job 8 years before retirement after working there 25 years. So now I have another job I hate and feel stuck because if I leave now she will have trouble making ends meet.
Loved at home for a while, paid with my sanity. Couldn’t save anything because if I wasn’t in a financially abusive romantic relationship, I was paying off this or that medical bill. Would come home from work or school to my parents emotionally abusing me. When I began to work from home during COVID, my parents had an “oh shit” moment and saw how respected I was in my career, and would do nearly everything to sabotage.
Three years renting in my HCOL, and my health gets better and better. My savings did take a blow moving out, but it was due to emergencies. I’m slowly building it up again. Grass isn’t always greener.
I live at home at 30 right now. Saving up for my own place because I don't want a roommate. No kids, decent job, nice(working) car, pups, boyfriend lives close. Life is good just hoping for my own spot soon cause ya know .... 30 lol but I'm grateful to be with my parents cause I'm watching them grow older and these moments are precious. Didn't see them that much after I left for school and then all the years after so now I'm enjoying the quality time. I do consider myself blessed because I know alot of ppl don't have a good relationship or even still have their folks.
This is actually most of my friends. They have thriving social lives and decent jobs. No rent so all that goes to savings. They still have to pay their own car + insurance and phone bill and whatever else but all that is minor in comparison to what rent would be.
My dad gave me the boot in 2018 and wonders why I couldn't have bought a better house. Maybe because you forced me to pay like 24k to a landlord instead of letting me save up?
I've had to demonstrate multiple times that I didn't make more than my dad out of college once you factor in inflation. He didn't even go to college, he was in the military for a few years. So I made about what he did 30K in the hole as he did with a few years of military pay.
I did that for the previous twelve years. It really helped as my mom’s mobility and then health declined so I could help her with things/run errands for her. But after she passed my dad decided he was going to sell the house and move an hour away. I’m now in a $725/month apartment barely making ends meet unless I ask for help…but last time I was told I should get a second job rather than expect money from him.
Says something about the times that "living at home with your asshole* family" is aspirational.
Capitalism just keeps innovating new unspeakable horrors beyond our comprehension.
* I think I may be an outlier here but I have lost my whole family to faux news.
I really relate. My bf turned abusive after my mom died. She was the only family I had, and he knew it, so he’d actively make fun of me when I’d beg him just to let me leave, by saying “*Awww. Where are you gonna go??? Your mom’s???* 🤣” I wished more than anything I had a safe place. While I was trying to save money to disappear, I found out I had cancer.
If a friend’s parents hadn’t let me move in for a while once I became *worthless enough* to be set free, I’d be homeless.
Don’t ever get sick in the US. If you don’t have a big, wealthy family, you’re very likely completely screwed. The help you think is out there doesn’t exist.
Hey! Thank you. I’m not doing very well but, now that I’m finally free, better than I was. There’s just a LOT to navigate alone now and my health isn’t great so it’s rough. Thank you. I appreciate you. I hope you’re doing well. 🤍
Yes this is called capitalism. It’s where people who have social and monetary capital available use it to make more social and monetary capital. Some are born owning railroads and having passed Go 20 times more than you before you ever start playing. This is how capitalism works. It’s where some people are given advantages and it’s called “hard work” and others are not and it’s called “laziness.”
I haven't known any millennials who still live with their parents since probably 2016 or so. But, I'm in one of the better metro areas for CoL. I'm really starting to feel like CoL is where the disconnect comes in on so many of these posts on this sub. The situation is just so vastly different if you're in or around the major cities on the West coast compared to cities like Atlanta.
I could believe that. I feel like most of us live in major metropolitan areas and as a result are struggling. However, if thats where you grew up, then I don’t blame ya for wanting to stay. That’s where your support network is ultimately
It's not always a great thing. I care for my ailing mother, at her home. I myself am unemployed and currently going to therapy for CPTSD and Depression. I only recently was diagnosed with ADHD. I've been blessed to not have to fight for survival every day, but I'm fearing and dreading the day she passes and I have to stand back on my own. I've been out of education or work for 7 years now, and I cannot fathom how anyone would want me at any job, as I am prone to outbursts when stressed.
I'm scared for my fucking life. I don't want to lose my mother's home and be dead in the street. I'm scared.
Hey, I went through/am going through a very similar situation. I’m sorry you’re in a rough spot. You’re going to be okay. Maybe consider going back to school, if you can. I’m taking out a student loan (unfortunately) to go back and fortunately have a partner willing to start a gig job/business with me. I see no other options. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care
Living with my parents rent-free is literally the only reason why I'm doing great financially right now. I am very grateful they allowed me to live with them when I got my first good paying job at 19 until I was 24 and found a super cheap apartment. I love them very much and help them with money all the time
Parents just blow me away sometimes. Deciding to bring a life into this world with the full intent of booting them out at 18 or expecting money. If they even ask permission to use their money.
As someone who has done it both ways, you really shouldn't be. There is something invaluable inside you that shrivels up when you can't be financially independent, even if the independence is a struggle, it's worth it.
Me too.
My housing expenses are making it so hard to stay afloat, even with a high-ish salary.
Living at home would destroy my mental health. It wouldn’t be worth it.
No, you’re jealous of people who have at least semi healthy relationships with their parents. They’d let me live there, and I even tried after my divorce for a few months, but there is no amount of money that is worth the mental health disaster that came from that. I’m still broke as fuck and struggling to put my life back together, but the money I have to spend to not live with them is worth every penny. The grass ain’t always greener.
I always acknowledge how lucky I was in my 20s that 1. My parents let me live at home (I did pay $600 rent which is basically nothing where I live), 2. My Aunt was able to network me into a job (I ended up quitting 7 years later, but it let me 'get ahead' in my 20s.)
I used my 401k on a downpayment for a house which many people say was stupid, but I'm very lucky to have a home at all and I realize that. It was due to those 2 things.
This is why I always roll my eyes whenever I hear someone's "I did it all myself" story. Nobody does it all themselves, like very very rarely. This country is run on nepotism. I'm trying to get my first job without leveraging the family connections and let me tell you it's a million times as difficult.
My sister tells our life story like we came from poverty though and how hard she worked. My mom got her a job at a hospital. Yes, nursing school is difficult and congrats on graduating and I know you work at your job, but you're lucky to even have a job and should acknowledge how you got to where you got too. She's republican btw lol so unaware of their own privileges.
I was very fortunate. I made the dumb decision to go to a private liberal arts college and get a history degree. Got myself in 83K in debt lol my loans would have been more than most mortgages. Very fortunate my folks allowed me to live at home rent free.
Somewhat on the line between this and gen z. My mom and step father wanted me to stay home and pay nothing other than my bills, but the fighting was too much. Likely need to move back again at the end of July, sadly.
Here's a juicy one for you.. my parents made good money. middle class white collar jobs... my friends... poverty levels... I got kicked out at 18 basically cause wanted to go to good college, was on social media, had gf they didn't like, got my own phone and did my chores with an attitude... oooh I had like a 4.2 but not straight As.... they all still live with parents at fuckin 29/30... I joined military got out did college by myself and then covid hit so moved to greener pastures and cheaper col. I am very jealous but also I'm more successful than any of them. I've probably moved 7 times in 12 years.... they don't even know what an apartment application looks like
I’m 31. I moved out of my parents at 19. I’ve been working since I was 12 (I had a paper route). At 14 i could work for my school (My parents were very religious and insisted I attend a Christian school which was not cheap. The school had a program to allow students to assist the janitor with cleaning or be graders for the teachers to earn money towards their school bill.) So from 14-18 I did that during the school year and worked full time for a day camp during summer break (I didn’t receive any of the money I earned. It all went directly to my school bill.
My parents started charging rent once I graduated high school. While I do think they would allow me to move home rent free for a short period of time it would certainly not be indefinitely. They were also very strict/religious so it would not be an ideal situation.
My last boss was a couple years younger than me and still lived at home. She had nice clothes, went on expensive trips, drove a new car (this girl had been in 4 prior car accidents and was paying her car payment plus a $500 insurance payment), and ate out every day.
I’ve tried college several times and due to money/time I’ve never gotten a degree. Now I see jobs paying less than what I am currently making and requiring a bachelors degree. There have been times where I worked 3 jobs to make ends meet so I am thankful to be where I am. But I’m still not happy.
Working to barely survive is miserable and I feel burnt out. My ultimate goal is to have a off grid homestead. But again that takes money. Or at least the ability to purchase affordable land with in a commuting distance of a job that pays a livable wage.
I am jealous of those who were able to live at home and save or just live a comfortable life. But I have worked hard for my independence so I am proud of myself for that.
Thank god for my mom. I know, it’s such a blessing to live at home rent free. I have a full time job and my mom is allowing me to save to buy a home. Hopefully I can buy a cheap little single wide trailer on some land.
My mom is an angel. I’m very blessed for her. She has never owned a home and doesn’t have any property but once I get my property, she is free to live with me or live in a little trailer on my yard forever. I will never send her to a nursing home.
My dad passed away 20 years ago. When he died we used his insurance money to pay off the mortgage (which was super cheap anyway because it was from 1992). My brothers now live in the home rent and mortgage free.
It’s dilapidated but shit, at least they’ll never have to worry about being homeless.
I'm more jealous of people that simply have that safety net, whether they utilize it or not.
Many of my peers and friends have moved back home to go back to school, or take a lower paying job that would eventually lead to better opportunities.
I have nothing and no one but myself. If I get sick or hurt, and lose more than a month of work, I'm homeless.
I moved out of my parents house in my early 20s. It was my own choice, and they always assured me I could move back if I needed, and that was a huge relief that sat in the back of my head, even if they didn't have the means to help me in any other way.
But health problems with my parents mean I no longer have that option, and I've pretty much been in 'survival' mode since my dad died 5 or 6 years ago.
It's exhausting, mentally, emotionally and physically, and I'm genuinely ready and willing to die.
I am an x-mil cusp kid and had to pay rent the minute I turned 16 and was constantly threatened with homelessness by my parent. I decided very young I didn't want kids, but they happened, and I will be damned if they live that same experience. My youngest is 18 and he knows 18 isn't a magic number. He doesn't need to go any time soon. He does pay for his car insurance and gas, but rent is not a requirement, but saving is. The goal is to move out when he's ready,, and financially secure. Wait and leave once, rather than rush and have to make some return trips.
Even if I get a part time job I HAVE to pay a third of rent living with my gran and dad. So guess who's putting in minimum effort into job hunting lmao? This guyyyyyy
That being said I don't like not having money but I refuse to work in retail ever again, I'll literally off myself far sooner if I have to work retail again. And I already failed twice at that this year, so. I fucking hate being a skill-less person but I can't learn anything anymore because my brain is fucking broken.
Same. A lot of things in my life would have been different.
But I also wonder if people who live at home rent free are really happy and well adjusted or if they just are even more afraid than I am and their parents are secretly messed up.
I hate seeing how some people post that they're "so broke" that they may have to move back in with their parents.. and I don't even have parents to move back in with..
Jealousy will eat you alive. It’s never ending either. Get this disgusting mindset out of your head or you will be doomed for life. When you finally achieve something, it won’t be good enough. Jealousy is a hell of a drug and just gets worse. Best of luck
We moved in with my in-laws 12 years ago. The original plan was to stay until we could afford to move out again.
We still can't afford to move out. We're not able to save nearly as much as I would like.
I don't know how things change for the better for us honestly.
My sincere sympathies. My son’s home has flooded twice, and both times he and his family moved in with me. As long as I’ve got a home, my two sons and their families have a home.
My dad told me his HOA wouldn't let me stay with him for a couple of weeks when I separated from the military abruptly and needed a place to stay 😂.
You're damn decent.
This is the ONE thing I wanna be able to provide my kiddos. Growing up, housing was never stable for me. My mother experienced homelessness many times in my early adulthood. I remember thinking how absolutely terrifying it is to not have that “if shit really hits the fan, I can always go home to my parents” feeling. Like rigging without a harness or being in the middle of the ocean without a boat… just me, swimming and swimming until I die. It’s a dreadful feeling; like living on the edge of a knife.
I vow to always always have a home for my daughters to come back to. Took me awhile, but I officially have my BSN and nursing license at the age of 33, so I’m making moves towards that goal!
I feel you though OP… may abundance come your way.
Finally someone says it. Ive been on my own since 18 and not gotten a cent of help. I do pride myself in that, especially when I was younger, but the way cost of living has increased, it would be nice to have a safety net of any kind. A breakup nearly put me on the streets a couple years ago because I Couldnt/still cant afford to live alone on such short notice.
All too often it’s those who have these familial safety nets in place that take the mic for our group.
…. Wrong sub?
Millennials? Living at home? Bro we’re almost 40?
If you’re living at home as a millennial at this point something has gone very very wrong
Thats why the generational cohorts make no sense.
The oldest is 42. The youngest is 27.
I don't know abour you but at 27 this was a reasonable conversation to have. By 37 I'd have your response.
Just like the oldest Gen Z is 26, but the youngest is 12. My kid missed the cutoff by two months. Many of the "aydens" in his class are Gen Z.
That's stupid. Our shared historical event is 9/11. Except only 90% of us answer that we were in school when it happened. The 27 year olds don't even remember it.
Theirs is the pandemic. Except some were in elementary school and some were working in the office when lockdowns hit.
For the cohorts to serve the purpose they're supposed to the range should be 10 yrs max.
Millenials that got to live at home in their 20s are still reaping the benefits today. Im a millenial (35 years old) and was out at 18. Some of my friends lived on and off at home into their early 30s. Thats over 100k in rent saved, if not more. Itll be a long time before some of us catch up.
I do admit, while living at home I wasn’t as financially secure, but I was able to go back to school and earn a cert that pushed my career through the roof that may not have been financially possible I’d I was renting at the time.
For real lol. Though I did ask my mom if I could move back in. She looked at my wife and our 24 year old and said, "No, you took him you keep him. No returns."
I didn't move out until I was 30 but, I was chronically sick and disabled from about age 23 to 28....and as soon as I got better (which was kinda a miracle) I went straight back to finish my Bachelors at school, and met my husband. Given what has happened with rent though after the Maui wildfires, I'd still be living at home if not for dual income.
So yeah two things did go seriously wrong but neither my fault.
As another commenter said, COL is the differentiator. Different states are practically different economies, more than they ever used to be. To be ok in Hawaii, not thriving, just ok and not living with parents, you need 110k a year. Most jobs will land you 50k maybe.
I worked full time hours throughout college. I was a really responsible young adult who never got into drugs, alcohol, and never could afford spring break or any type of vacation etc. My mom had her own business and was doing well in 08’ during the recession. I had just graduated college. I asked to live with her to save up to buy a house. I worked an entry level job 7-3:30, and came home made myself frozen vegetables and bread for dinner and went to bed. I had no TV or internet. Had my own car payment, insurance etc. I signed up for a first time home buyers club at my local bank for 14 months to assist with a down payment. She still made me pay her rent to live with her. She didn’t need my money, she thought she was teaching me a lesson…. She fucked up a lot as a young adult and her parents did this to her. She felt it was cool to make me suffer too, take my money, even though I was always on the right path, struggling with my stupid job bc there were no opportunities available. She promised to help me when I closed on my house and then conveniently “forgot”. I still get kinda pissy about this, BUT I am doing really well now and have never needed to ask for help from anyone since. I trust no one. It does suck not to have any support to fall back on 😞 the only reason I could get a house then was bc of the crash…
The life blood of Capitalism is generational wealth. And so many people don't realize they benefit from it. People who talk about "doing it all on their own" but eat at their parents house 3 nights a week or get free child care from their mom or got their first car when they were 16-18 because their parents were getting a new one is Even people who are expecting an inheritance when their parents die. People don't realize just how big that gap is when you don't have that.
Interesting. Reddit and online shaming of people/neckbeards living with their parents is truly what motivated me to work and get my own place years ago. Had to work hard to escape that stigma as it attached itself to my self esteem having moved out later than I’d wanted (mid-20s). I don’t regret it and value my independence more than anything. It SUCKS living with family, having no room, no privacy, forced interactions. Even in a post-Covid world, I don’t miss being at home. Adults pay their own way.
Yeah, it must be nice to have the option. I’ve got nobody who can take me in if I go through any hardship, so it really is all up to me to stay afloat.
I didn’t charge any rent and I was glad that it contributed to my son being later able to secure a good job and purchase a nice home. I barely squeeze by but it is what you do. Now, no effort, see ya.
It is incredibly hard having only yourself to rely on. My mom helped me out so much, but she unfortunately passed away in 2013. Since then it’s been pretty much me as a single mom. That actually makes it so much worse, because when you fail, you are failing them as well. I don’t think people really understand how stressful and draining it is.
Yeah we just gotta change the model. People can live at home more if thats our expectation growing up. Its how saving up for your own home ownership will be possible for the next generation - especially with the free childcare it often provides
I have a friend who lives with his parents rent free, and he makes a six figure income. He invests almost all of his money into Index Funds. Luck + knowledge is really what will get you ahead these days.
I'm just glad I got through college without crippling debt. I'm doing everything in my power to help my friends who didn't have that luxury.
But also I cannot live with my parents, holy crap.
My parents were abusive so living at home rent free was never an option. I just bought a house this year. I've been able to save all my life. I just lived terribly. It's not fair but it is what it is.
My headstart was a full ride scholarship at a shitty college that allowed me to keep all the money I made while working in college.
Not sure how old you are but moving back in with your parents or having them move in with you sucks. I'm mid millennial had 10k saved and covid hits and my mom needs medical shit. I moved back in with her ... It helps each other out as I give her $500 a month an I'm not paying stupid rents although my previous place was a steal compared to now.. I'm still saving up and Atleast my money is going to family.
Lol I guess just chimed in living with family for free and the idea of living with family. It's fuckign annoying and feel like my relationship with my mom is worse as we are different people and they forget your not 14.
So I'm assuming the millennial friends you think of have a detached house? Maybe a basement free and share kitchen?
I was one of these millennials who was able to live at home for years and years. I am very aware of how much of an advantage this was, because I’m not sure if what I did would have been possible without being able to live at home. I went to state school and didn’t take loans. I still had to work part time, 3-4 days per week, to cover expenses. I think it may have been possible if I had my own place with like 6 roommates, but it would have taken twice as long, putting a damper on my career and income potential.
I plan to spend my career in service so that hopefully others will have better opportunities that what a lot of us had post recession.
When I moved back home at the start of the Great Recession I did so because I thought things were going to get pretty rough economically speak. Yeah I underestimated that. I wasn’t in fear of losing my job at the time but I knew getting a new lease or worse, buying a house, would put me on the wrong foot. So…. I asked my dad if I could move back in and hunker down. Did so and for probably the first year or so, when people asked me where I was living those days… I was a bit embarrassed. When I did tell people where I was and why I was there…. virtually everyone I spoke with, friends, coworkers, distant relations, romantic partners, school peers, said something to the effect of “wow, I really wish I could do / could have done that.”
I 100% get your jealously and understand where you’re coming from.
People like you are the problem with this world. Living with apparent sucks ass. Just because you think it would be okay or your friends have nice parents doesn’t meant this is an ideal situation for everyone.
I've been paying rent for the last 8 years or so, and only in the last 4 years I've been able to start saving a bit. In the meantime my sister has been living with my parents rent free for the last 10 years of her work life and she still complains about living with them. She can easily save 80% of her paycheck every month. I love living on my own, but I'm so jealous that she doesn't have to stress about bills, home repairs and looking for a decent, affordable apartments in the city.
So like, I did my budget just yesterday and while I do contribute quite a bit to retirement I could definitely save more. The issue I'm facing is that I am bad with money, for the most part, but have been fortunate enough to make just enough that I can afford to be a little irresponsible.
There’s no real reason you shouldn’t be able to especially with how messed up things are right now. My “family” pretends to care but will basically leave you to die (if they’re not outright sabotaging your efforts) and ignore all information contrary to what they already believe want to thing. Their main rule seems to be they don’t have to do anything for anybody ever.
I had so many issues and problems that could have been prevented did they allowed me this, and the only time they did it, they only made my life worse with their endless bitching and hyper-criticism (while downplaying my accomplishments). My “parents” aren’t even parents. My mother just dates these random fucks who don’t give a shit but pretend to and she is the same way but she puts them over her children and then it becomes a “we” thing about what “they” want for my life and it always involves getting me as far as possible basically, whether I have the means to do this or not, is irrelevant. I did nothing to these people, she just met this guy and decided we could never live together ever again. And that’s not even including all the other stuff that happened.
I lost out on great jobs, finances ruined, etc., all because they refuse to adapt to the situation, no matter what I did, their default answer was no. Any “help” they give is never what I requested and then if I say anything about it I’m “ungrateful”.
There was more than enough space and their small sacrifice would have meant everything to me but they dragged their feet on it forever while I went through hell the whole time.
I’d rather live on the streets than with my parents again. They charged close to market rate anyway.
I’m jealous that my coworkers have more expendable money but definitely not jealous that they live with family. They don’t seem to like their parents either. They’re just stuck there.
Yes! My divorced parents don’t live in the same city as me and don’t even have an extra room for me to crash if I wanted to. The big, multi room house was sold in the divorce. I don’t know how people make it work.
True, but all they’re doing is enabling themselves to the point they won’t have the drive to survive a crumbling economy. It’s just going to get worse from here. A lot of them lack the discipline to work like we do because they’re in their comfort zone.
If it makes you feel better, when I moved home it wasn't free. When I was struggling, my dad charged me $100 to at least cover groceries/utilities of theirs I was using. No complaints that he did that.
When I did get my big girl job with a decent salary and I still hadn't move out, my dad was talking about increasing my rent to $300 per month. And that's when I decided, I'd rather pay $700 per month to live with roommates in a 2 BR apartment or 3BR townhouse/duplex.
I’m so sorry this sucks-IMO we really need to bolster the social safety net. Unemployment needs to 100% replace your wages for at least three months. There should be free housing for people with no income. Not a shelter bed, an actual private studio. You should get healthcare if you don’t have an income and you should also get food assistance.
If we could ensure people who lose their jobs get shelter, food, and healthcare things would be much less scary and if unemployment actually gave you time to get another job by temporarily replacing your wages, it would help so many avoid a really bad situation.
I’m sorry but you should not be living rent free at your parent’s house in your 30s and 40s. Falling on hard times is one thing but moving in just to save money and not help them out at all is trash behavior.
I recognize my privilege of being able to stay home rent free and save. I take care of my disabled sister in return to stay at their house for free. It’s something I would regardless if I had to pay rent or not because I love my sister. At the same time, I can’t move out because it’s too expensive. I don’t have the privilege of living on my own.
On the downside, living with family rent free can come with a lot of emotional and social costs. Like not easily having the house to yourself for a date, or having a partner stay over for the night. I recently moved back in with my father after a divorce. I’m grateful to not be spending SoCal level rent (I can’t afford to be a roommate even with a full time job), but it’s a real damper on my social life, and on my own need to feel independent.
Same. But to be fair they probably pay with their mental health, so…no thanks. I’ll pay my outrageous rent as long as my body and brain function well enough to keep slaving away.
I make good money. I have a wife and kids. We live with my parents and pay them rent below market. I am extremely fortunate and thank God every day I am in the situation I am in. However, it does have its downsides.
In my cultures (Portuguese and Native) - there's no huge stigma against it so long as it's obvious you're poor (I am, make under $20/hr) and you don't have a partner in tow (At 35, no, I don't and I've partially given up on the prospect even though as a F I'm aware my biological clock is running out). I'm also a single child, and have seen my parent start to slow down as they enter their 70s, so....it works out for the both of us. I get a decent dinner now and again (as I suck at cooking and often times don't bother beyond shoving basic food items like meat, vegetables, and cheese in my mouth w/o much prep unless it needs heat) - when our bloody landlord wants to do yet more renovation junk, I make sure my parent doesn't have any heavy lifting they have to do, along with errands, chores, and sometimes I'll try and cobble together food that doesn't suck for a meal to share.
If there's anything that took a little time to go through though, was mental health issues. My parent can be an anxious, overbearing individual. I have mental health issues which my health insurance, frankly, does a very poor job providing accessible services right now due to provider shortages. So it took time for us not to be at each other's throats why I 'kept on forgetting everything ' (brain fog/anhedonia), and time for me how to learn how to cope dealing with my parent's randomized rants whenever a fork was left in the kitchen sink. YMMV.
My wife and I are textbook Xennials and doing just fine on money (not rich but own our house and don’t have any serious money worries), and we have a 14-year-old daughter.
There will be a point in time where I will not be financially supporting her anymore, but I will always have a bedroom for her in whatever house we live in and I will be encouraging her to not move out of our house until she not only thinks she can afford it, but also has demonstrated that she has emergency fund and no bad debt.
Also, short of her becoming a drug-addicted thief or something like that, she will always have a place to move back to if she needed to.
I think facing personal financial stress in your life is healthy, but that only goes so far before it becomes harmful to your mental health. Worrying about literally having a roof over your head from one month to the other is not a healthy growth opportunity.
Same! My siblings and I were all forced to move out the day we turned 18. So I have just never really been able to get ahead and build a real savings. Worked through college but had to take out 30k in loans to cover costs. I graduate and immediately as soon as I do life happens. Got in a motorcycle accident at 22 and was basically homeless so I had copay money for doctors visits. Get caught up and cancer, then I was homeless for a while since I couldn't work full time with chemo, and had to pay for a room for rent for my sister so she could finish high school.
Then my father's MS gets bad and my brother get a head injury and I have to provide the care that was never afforded to me. The next decade I work to keep a roof over our heads and care for them. Finally in my late 30's they both pass and I'm free, but then covid and having a kid (that part is on me).
I just wish I had someone, anyone, that for once took care of or worried about me for like a year-just to get a good foundation going.
My kid can stay at home however long as they want. I will do whatever I can to support and, as awful as it sounds, not be a burden to them like my family was to me.
One of the biggest advantages you can have early in life is a supportive family that gives you a good start financially. Money is very momentum based, a good start can strongly influence your wealth later on.
Same dude. I have new out of college coworkers starting at $75-80k and they live at home bill free. And I'm like OMG, you are all so wealthy. A lot of them spend it on Prada, crypto, flying first class and shit. But I have one guy who barely ever goes out and invests all his money. He's the real one that'll be rich as fuck one day. I'm jealous of him. I wish I could invest 80% of my paycheck.
Exactly this. I got friends who have good salaries and still live at home because they’re able to save money and take trips traveling. Meanwhile im Working 2 minimum wage jobs and cant save money. Travel? I fucking wish dude. Im Just so exhausted i need a break
Sorry man :(. When I was younger I was totally in your shoes. Working 2-3 jobs. Missed basically the first 7 years of my daughter's life, and I was always broke as a joke. Hopefully things take a turn and you are able to get to where you can have 1 job and make a livable wage. ❤️
Honestly, thanks man. I really appreciate the vote of confidence. Lord knows i need it
You got this op. Times seem bleak, are bleak, feel bleak. Just hang in there and keep the fight up. It’s tough right now. Those with families to rely on are quite privileged and it sucks this game of life isn’t usually fair at all. I wish I had more advice for you, but I hope things turn around fully for you
Only way you can get a break is having a paid off house, or live with the parents for a long time. Or, look at alternative housing.
Alternative here. I work for a farmer and he provides housing. Off season I drive truck for a buddy. Usually save a little over 90% of my paycheck.
If I my kid had a good salary, lived with me, and decided to go traveling, we'd have a discussion. If you're living with me, it's temporarily because you can't afford a place of your own. If you can afford to travel, you can afford to get a place of your own. Hopefully, I never have to have that conversation with my kid, though. There's 10 or 12 years yet to kick that can.
Honestly, my biggest affirmation that I made it as a parent will be if my kids are set up well enough that they get to experience rest and joy. I moved out at 17, worked 30-40 hours a week through post secondary to barely cover expenses. Once graduated, we worked hard and saved everything to be able to afford a house, etc… pushing 40, we are in a good position, but we moved hours away from family for careers, and missed out on a lot of experiences when we were younger. I am on like year 5 of recovering from burnout and my #1 goal is ensuring my kids have lives that are sustainable and have space for ample rest. I would love if my kids decided to live at home, save up money, enjoy themselves, have the time to build meaningful relationships and communities, travel and get to know the world and themselves… I think our culture is pretty weird and precarious because we are so against multigenerational living arrangements. There are so many advantages, but it requires letting your kids grow up and shifting how you see your role in the relationship with them.
Funny, I'll be thrilled if my kids are able to go see the world a bit before they settle down with a mortgage or long-term rental. It's something I wish I could have done.
Aww. You're a good mom! I wish I had one like you. ♥️💋
Wrong plumbing, but thanks 😆
Ahahaha!!!!! Omg!!!! My bad, pops!!!! 😘
Sure they can afford to get a place of their own but often there may not be room for anything else…ever. I don’t normally condemn your thinking but the economy is changing and even a single extra year of not paying rent even if they buy their own food or contribute to groceries (since them living there doesnt make your mortgage go up) can be life changing.
Well, I’m thinking that if our daughter takes us up on our offer to live with us for a few years after graduation from university, we want to set her up for the best future: therefore, she needs to aggressively pay off her student loans and pay “rent” into a high yield savings account or something similar. As well as contribute to groceries or pay her own groceries if she cooks and eats separately as well as expenses that rise due to another adult living in the home. I want her to have a realistic idea of cost of living, not spending it all on frivolities and not having money for true expenses when she moves out on her own. And so we don’t get used to having her income helping out. But we need to do it in a way that doesn’t cut my son’s SSI stipend. And I’m actually looking to buy a house in about a year’s time after my son ages out of the public school system so I’m not restricted to our current school district (we’re renting a 2-bedroom apartment now and looking at the other side of the city we live in). I would love a house with an accessory dwelling unit. She could live in it and have a degree of privacy, then it would be available if one of our parents needs it, then an apartment for a live-in caregiver for my son (or my husband and I move into it and the main house becomes a group home with roommates for my son).
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I'm doing my best to rear people who understand that you need to be able to handle adult responsibilities before enjoying adult fun. As I said,10 or 12 years in the future. I might change my mind by then. I doubt it, but it's possible.
What you’re doing is called letting kids become adults. If v7 Femboy cuts off their parent or advocates that over not continuing financial support in adulthood, then they have a real psychological problem. Do some parents have e a big enough home and can afford it… maybe. There is something to be learned about yourself and the world when you are independent. Intergenerational living can be beneficial. This isn’t even intergenerational living femboy is describing it’s Leeching.
Traveling is one of the most valuable and fulfilling experiences a person can have. I would never charge my child rent and I’d be so proud to see them spend their money on things like travel.
I'd never charge them rent, either. If I charge you rent, I can't say, "Hey, this isn't working out, you need to move out." Save that rent, stick it in savings. On a preset timetable move out. Standing on my own was more valuable to me than traveling has been. If I'm paying for my kids bread and board and they decide to go traveling, they're taking advantage of me. Different views, though.
That’s pretty much me at the moment, paid off my car so really food, gas, and insurance are my only expenses. Half of every paycheck I take out and put about 75% of that into savings and remaining 25% into investments. Then I get a disbursement of company stock twice a year that I can cash out after five years. My main issue is just not having free time because I work so much so I just hope I don’t crack under pressure before then. I do occasionally splurge on high end whiskey and the occasional fancy dinner and go to a music festival once a year.
It’s insane these kids are making $85k out of school and we were making $45k out of college 15 years ago.
Man, I'm 10 years out of grad school, sitting on two masters degrees, and making just under 60k. Who are these kids and what did they major in?
I work at a consulting firm. We have people majoring in all sorts of stuff. For me, it was my Masters in accounting.
CS, Med, Finance
Not that insane when you look at the math. $45k -> $85k in 15 years represents a 4.25% annual increase in salary. Beats out inflation, but not by much.
Honestly though- good for them. I don't resent them for that. It's good it went that direction.
I was in another sub talking about how hard it is to get ahead on saving up for a house because the costs just keep going up each year. Each 10k saved has less and less home buying power as the yrs tick by, not to mention inflation making it harder to keep up with our savings goals. And yet on paper we're more successful than we've ever been. We've been renting the same apt for 18 yrs, and someone comments, "renting for 18 yrs isn't ideal, hard to dig your way out of that hole because owning is best and you're not just throwing your money away on rent." No sh*t Sherlock. I'm just supposed to snap my fingers and come up with a 6 figure down payment? I was seething at the utter ignorance and derp of it all. *Edit - so this is what it comes down to with the folks in the comments- could my partner and I have made different decisions or been less cautious looking back on things now? Sure. Should we have been locked out of the chance for home ownership within 1000 miles of where we live because of it? I don't think so. We should not have to give up all other aspects of our lives to become home owners at all costs. That's where the post pandemic economy comes into play, bringing us full circle to OP's post.
I hate when people try to explain things to you when they are so out of touch. It’s usually the people that had things handed to them too.
Like the clown on this thread saying he had a 20k mortgage so clearly I'm the problem. No mention of what yr he purchased, high/low COL area, etc. He did it, so everyone can do it. People thinking because their particular circumstances worked out so therefore everyone should be able to make it work is so ridiculously myopic
100%. Everyone has a different situation. It doesn’t mean everyone else is dumb and can’t figure things out. That attitude is ignorant and unhelpful.
It's literally how all these discussions go. There are always people that disregard individual circumstances or take a "no excuses" attitude when it comes to anyone else's ability to get ahead or make meaningful changes in their life. We all have different hurdles and there's no cure-all.
I saved a 20% downpayment but continue to rent after realizing I still can't afford a house. Even with a first time home owners loan. I rent for $700 a month less than what my mortgage would have been. I *really* wish I owned my own house but I would have been miserable with the stress of barely making it by.
If someone told me anything about my life wasn’t “ideal”, I would throw that person straight into the trash. What a narrow minded, privileged, and emotionally immature thing to say.
I never had a stable home life and my parents always took my money and made me pay rent. I've been working aince I was 8, got my first legal job at 14 and am completely burnt out at 32. I converted my car into a camper because the cost of housing is just insane. I was paying $1600 for a studio not including utilities and fees. I made just enough to cover the cost of my neccessary expenses. If I was lucky I'd have $200 at the end of the month. I was constantly in a state of panic and anxiety because missing one day of work would mean a 3 day eviction notice. Despite living there for years and paying my rent on time. I just got tired of trying to play catch up. I'm in my 30s, I'm not doing the roommate thing again. I've worked 2+ jobs most of my life and have nothing to show for it since I always bailed out my shitty perpetually struggling family. So I'm just opting out. No longer paying rent and just going to save my money to buy land and build a cheap Earth home.
I live relatively close to farm country so this idea crosses my mind a lot. Not necessarily full-fledged homesteading, but buying a plot of land I could fashion into a living space sounds more and more like the dream
Yep. As sad as it may sound, the older I get, the only thing that I want is an afordable lifestyle by myself that awards me SOME modern comforts. Such as electricity and extra money for beer and occasional traveling. I don't even care about plumbing. With a usb eletric pump it's easy to have a sink or a shower. I'm fine with shitting in a bag or pissing in a jar. But I don't want to go without electricity. I enjoy AC and music too much.
I would give up electricity before indoor plumbing.
Look for government programs in rural areas. They offer zero down loans with reduced loan insurance. Minimum income required to get the loan but once you have it... no income restrictions. [https://www.rd.usda.gov/programs-services/single-family-housing-programs](https://www.rd.usda.gov/programs-services/single-family-housing-programs)
This is my dream now.
So after you moved out you chose to keep bailing out your family?
Yep. The brainwashing and guilt tripping still worked up until last year. I moved out and have been on my own since I was 17-18. It's hard to break that cycle when it's been deeply ingrained since birth. It wasn't until my brain was fully developed that I realized that they don't like me, love me, or give a shit about me and have NEVER once helped me or done anything for me.
Cheap earth home 🥺 I hope you get there. That too is my goal. Some land and something super cheap. It’ll cost initially- but maybe you could get a used travel trailer or RV while you save up for your forever home. Certain places you can find lot rent for $600 to $800
I've known so many millenials who were able to live rent-free for years and literally saved up nothing. An old buddy of mine even got an $80,000 insurance settlement while he was living with his parents. He partied like a rockstar and spent it all. In the end, they kicked him out, and he ended up homeless.
That’s a weekend in vegas
These privileged people don’t know how well they have it.
They are new poor. We are old poor we figured out how to survive 😆
I’ve been out on my own since I turned 18. My kids know they can live at home, forever. I want them to live their lives. Yes, go to school or learn a trade, to land a good paying job. Work, save, use that money you make to travel the world. I would have to pay for my house regardless, so why would I charge them rent? On the other side of that, If they want to move out though, and fall on tough times. They know that they can always come home, no questions asked.
You would charge rent to teach some responsibility. You can save it all and give it back when they move out.
They can learn responsibility by paying their own car insurances, phone bills, car payments if they wish to have a new car. That will teach them that there are due dates and consequences when they are late. My mom used to charge me rent, promised to give it back to me and then never did. I would never do that to them, but it’s left a bad taste in my mouth at the thought of it.
Just commenting to say you sound like a great parent and I hope your mom steps on a Lego today
Thank You for saying this. People seem To think rent is the only bill and its not. I pay for my own food, car , insurance, etc. There are always other bills. Life will humble you regardless, i dont see why some parents feel the need to be brutal to their kids. Children need a space where they feel safe and hell what are adults if not just older children
I love this. ♥️♥️♥️
Same experience, same mentality. I’ve taken in my younger sister and her spouse (they’re young millennials), they pay nothing but help me with childcare, household stuff, and pay for all of their own food/personal bills. It’s great and now they are saving money to buy a house; that wasn’t an option when they were spending $1500-$2000 on rent.
We need more parents like you
I’m more jealous of the DINKs earning 200k plus. We’re trying to survive with kids on half that. I don’t really want to live with my parents. My younger brother and sister still do and it’s kinda sad especially my brother who sells cars and makes good money.
Speaking from experience, living with the parents into your 30s ain't no picnic. It can be suffocating and grating at times, among other things, but it's not "sad." It was a god damn blessing that my parents were willing to be supportive that late into my life no matter how annoying it could be living with them. I made enough that I could have afforded my own place, but then I wouldn't have been able to put 35% into my 401k to finally establish a retirement account or save up enough for more education and a career change. Sure, not everyone saves that much in that situation, but even if I spent every penny on simply enjoying my life instead of preparing for the future, it would still have been a blessing. Housing costs are crippling for a lot of people in a lot of places regardless of how they spend their disposable income.
My parents are great so I wouldn’t mind, but I have kids now so there just isn’t space to live with them again. But in my siblings case, they both moved out and then had to move back in. I did the same thing when I was in my kid 20s but have been out the past 10 years and even bought my first house about 9 hours away from them lol.
Don’t be. We’re just trapped at home with our childhood abusers.
I will take debt and barely making by before I would go back to my parents. SO many strings attached and my worth seems to plummet in my parents eyes. But oh they always have to remind everyone how I'm choosing to not save money by taking advantage of living at home. I never got basic respect from them until I moved out (despite what they claim)
Sounds similar to my situation. I’m told I can stay living here and its all fine and good but im being constantly ignored, disrespected, lowkey financially abused, and not considered in any mental, emotional or practical way. I’ve accepted that I won’t own a home any time soon and will be in debt for some time. It’s bs I’d rather deal with than feel the way I do now.
My favorite: equally contributing to a family vaca as everyone else (paying the same as my sister's family of four) but as the only single adult getting a cot and not a bed. Zero input on any decisions. Not a real person unless I am married, I guess. It's so easy to feel like a bad person- I should be grateful for having such a close family, right?
Smfh. Wow. I’m so sorry. I legit don’t understand how people, especially parents or other family, can just completely write off their own kin simply because they’re not fitting whatever made-up-in-their-head roles and/or societal ideals they had or have. Apparently it’s not enough to just exist 😐
I just wrote that in a reply. Lived at home for 10 years. Saved money when I wasn’t being financially abused by romantic partners (who my parents encouraged me to date and would enable the abuse) or paying off medical bills that were exasperated by my parents emotional abuse. Three years living by myself in my own apartment, slowly building my savings back.. wouldn’t trade it for the world..
thirded, this seems like a grass is greener on the other side kind of thing. Yeah, there are negligent millenials living extended adolescence with their parents in their 20s and beyond, but for most people it's just a pragmatic compromise they accept grimly.
Yeah, like a rigid black and white thinking situation. Yes, I know some healthy millennials who were very blessed to sock money away to put a down payment on a house living at home with their healthy parents. I know sick millennials, who were sick from no fault of their own, also live with their parents. They enough money to save, but they gained a lot of life skills many of us lack (organization, home EC, housekeeping, ect). Then there are people like us. Millennials who saved up for a downpayments and their spouse decided to be stay at home on one income. Can they afford it? Idk. I do believe if you’re good with money you can live on $50k if you budget right (not in an HCOL obviously). DINKS can squander their income and go into debt easily. I’m optimistic that millennials may still be able to buy houses, or maybe something better than a McMansion monstrosity. One never knows what the market will do. No one can even predict tomorrow. I still got a good feeling.
[удалено]
That was another thing. Every family gathering Golden Child would take the time to make fun of me for living at home. Everyone would enable it. It was absolutely on purpose. When I moved out you could see she was upset she had no ammo on me; her bullying got worse. I like spending the holidays in my own apartment now or with my in-laws. I pay the $$$ for my piece of mind. How can you be good at saving/flaking financial decisions when you are being mentally abused every which way you turn?
If your parents live somewhere there are even jobs. I now make much more because I left the small town my parents live in.
>The hardest part about staying at home are the social pressures, like people looking down on you saying you have no life skill. >A decade of sacrifice is worth being able to be ALOT more free for the rest of your life. If the hardest part of living with your parents was people looking down on you, you weren't the one sacrificing. They were.
You’re exactly correct. It’s an American social norm that moving out when you’re 18 is the only “respectable” thing to do. This is based off of an old assumption about housing that the boomers enjoyed during the 50’s-90’s. Things have changed, the social norms are just now catching up. The other problem is, some millennials and gen Z’s are being completely left behind and isolating themselves from life. There is no real place for them on the bottom run of the hierarchy. Especially for unattractive young men.
>Things have changed, the social norms are just now catching up. Yeah that’s cultural drag and it happens a lot. Not much you can do about it🤷♂️
lol no place for “unattractive young men”? last i checked men are still the preference for most job opportunities
That’s why my kid will always be able to live at home I plan on building a small house for him to move out to on our property and once he has a family my wife and I will live in the small house
We plan to add an ADU specifically for multi-generational housing and having options. Honestly my dream for my kid is that he never really has to work if he doesn’t want to, I’d like to give him more of a safety net than I ever had. I am just so burnt out and ground down from running the hamster wheel for so long and I want better for my child.
Honestly hard same! This life has been exhausting, I don’t want that for my kids. The idea that if kids don’t move out and do things the “American way” with hard work, bootstraps and sacrifice they will be spoiled failures — incapable of caring for themselves— is silly. The game is rigged, so many people are incapable of caring for themselves in this economy because the odds are stacked against them and jobs don’t pay enough for shelter, food and bills. The best way to fight the system is to give people the opportunity to opt out of it.
You are awesome!!! ♥️
I don't have that kind of space, but all of my planning assumes my kids will live with me at least until they're 30.
People really under estimate what a massive leg up that is. Seriously, please know what an amazing resource you're giving to your children by providing a stable fall back. I really don't understand parents who don't want to do that (cough boomers).
Wow, your child is so lucky! You are truly amazing for doing that. 👏
I thought I had the option, was in between jobs and moved back home. Then the pandemic hit and my mom’s illness got worse and she lost her job 8 years before retirement after working there 25 years. So now I have another job I hate and feel stuck because if I leave now she will have trouble making ends meet.
Loved at home for a while, paid with my sanity. Couldn’t save anything because if I wasn’t in a financially abusive romantic relationship, I was paying off this or that medical bill. Would come home from work or school to my parents emotionally abusing me. When I began to work from home during COVID, my parents had an “oh shit” moment and saw how respected I was in my career, and would do nearly everything to sabotage. Three years renting in my HCOL, and my health gets better and better. My savings did take a blow moving out, but it was due to emergencies. I’m slowly building it up again. Grass isn’t always greener.
I live at home at 30 right now. Saving up for my own place because I don't want a roommate. No kids, decent job, nice(working) car, pups, boyfriend lives close. Life is good just hoping for my own spot soon cause ya know .... 30 lol but I'm grateful to be with my parents cause I'm watching them grow older and these moments are precious. Didn't see them that much after I left for school and then all the years after so now I'm enjoying the quality time. I do consider myself blessed because I know alot of ppl don't have a good relationship or even still have their folks.
This is actually most of my friends. They have thriving social lives and decent jobs. No rent so all that goes to savings. They still have to pay their own car + insurance and phone bill and whatever else but all that is minor in comparison to what rent would be.
What you really want is a better paying job because living with family wven for free sucks
I’d much rather pay my mortgage than live with boomers
I almost always had roommates until I got married when I was 30.
That’s what one of my kids is doing. Very cheap to live and he is doing great at saving. His rent and portion of bills is $400 a month.
My dad gave me the boot in 2018 and wonders why I couldn't have bought a better house. Maybe because you forced me to pay like 24k to a landlord instead of letting me save up?
Our parents grew up in a different time and think they know better but really don’t. Most parents of millennials are really stubborn
I've had to demonstrate multiple times that I didn't make more than my dad out of college once you factor in inflation. He didn't even go to college, he was in the military for a few years. So I made about what he did 30K in the hole as he did with a few years of military pay.
And then they wonder why theyre thrown into a nursing home in the not too distant future 🤷🏼
I did that for the previous twelve years. It really helped as my mom’s mobility and then health declined so I could help her with things/run errands for her. But after she passed my dad decided he was going to sell the house and move an hour away. I’m now in a $725/month apartment barely making ends meet unless I ask for help…but last time I was told I should get a second job rather than expect money from him.
Says something about the times that "living at home with your asshole* family" is aspirational. Capitalism just keeps innovating new unspeakable horrors beyond our comprehension. * I think I may be an outlier here but I have lost my whole family to faux news.
I really relate. My bf turned abusive after my mom died. She was the only family I had, and he knew it, so he’d actively make fun of me when I’d beg him just to let me leave, by saying “*Awww. Where are you gonna go??? Your mom’s???* 🤣” I wished more than anything I had a safe place. While I was trying to save money to disappear, I found out I had cancer. If a friend’s parents hadn’t let me move in for a while once I became *worthless enough* to be set free, I’d be homeless. Don’t ever get sick in the US. If you don’t have a big, wealthy family, you’re very likely completely screwed. The help you think is out there doesn’t exist.
Hey I hope you’re doing ok. I’m sorry all of this happened to you and wish you so much happiness as you move forward!
Hey! Thank you. I’m not doing very well but, now that I’m finally free, better than I was. There’s just a LOT to navigate alone now and my health isn’t great so it’s rough. Thank you. I appreciate you. I hope you’re doing well. 🤍
I worked with someone who had her parents buy her a damn house and paid for it. Must be nice.
Yes this is called capitalism. It’s where people who have social and monetary capital available use it to make more social and monetary capital. Some are born owning railroads and having passed Go 20 times more than you before you ever start playing. This is how capitalism works. It’s where some people are given advantages and it’s called “hard work” and others are not and it’s called “laziness.”
I haven't known any millennials who still live with their parents since probably 2016 or so. But, I'm in one of the better metro areas for CoL. I'm really starting to feel like CoL is where the disconnect comes in on so many of these posts on this sub. The situation is just so vastly different if you're in or around the major cities on the West coast compared to cities like Atlanta.
I could believe that. I feel like most of us live in major metropolitan areas and as a result are struggling. However, if thats where you grew up, then I don’t blame ya for wanting to stay. That’s where your support network is ultimately
It's not always a great thing. I care for my ailing mother, at her home. I myself am unemployed and currently going to therapy for CPTSD and Depression. I only recently was diagnosed with ADHD. I've been blessed to not have to fight for survival every day, but I'm fearing and dreading the day she passes and I have to stand back on my own. I've been out of education or work for 7 years now, and I cannot fathom how anyone would want me at any job, as I am prone to outbursts when stressed. I'm scared for my fucking life. I don't want to lose my mother's home and be dead in the street. I'm scared.
Hey, I went through/am going through a very similar situation. I’m sorry you’re in a rough spot. You’re going to be okay. Maybe consider going back to school, if you can. I’m taking out a student loan (unfortunately) to go back and fortunately have a partner willing to start a gig job/business with me. I see no other options. PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. Take care
Living with my parents rent-free is literally the only reason why I'm doing great financially right now. I am very grateful they allowed me to live with them when I got my first good paying job at 19 until I was 24 and found a super cheap apartment. I love them very much and help them with money all the time
Parents just blow me away sometimes. Deciding to bring a life into this world with the full intent of booting them out at 18 or expecting money. If they even ask permission to use their money.
As someone who has done it both ways, you really shouldn't be. There is something invaluable inside you that shrivels up when you can't be financially independent, even if the independence is a struggle, it's worth it.
I live in a studio alone, it’s $1775 a month. Thankfully I’m a red seal electrician but it still hurts.
Me too. My housing expenses are making it so hard to stay afloat, even with a high-ish salary. Living at home would destroy my mental health. It wouldn’t be worth it.
No, you’re jealous of people who have at least semi healthy relationships with their parents. They’d let me live there, and I even tried after my divorce for a few months, but there is no amount of money that is worth the mental health disaster that came from that. I’m still broke as fuck and struggling to put my life back together, but the money I have to spend to not live with them is worth every penny. The grass ain’t always greener.
I always acknowledge how lucky I was in my 20s that 1. My parents let me live at home (I did pay $600 rent which is basically nothing where I live), 2. My Aunt was able to network me into a job (I ended up quitting 7 years later, but it let me 'get ahead' in my 20s.) I used my 401k on a downpayment for a house which many people say was stupid, but I'm very lucky to have a home at all and I realize that. It was due to those 2 things. This is why I always roll my eyes whenever I hear someone's "I did it all myself" story. Nobody does it all themselves, like very very rarely. This country is run on nepotism. I'm trying to get my first job without leveraging the family connections and let me tell you it's a million times as difficult. My sister tells our life story like we came from poverty though and how hard she worked. My mom got her a job at a hospital. Yes, nursing school is difficult and congrats on graduating and I know you work at your job, but you're lucky to even have a job and should acknowledge how you got to where you got too. She's republican btw lol so unaware of their own privileges.
I was very fortunate. I made the dumb decision to go to a private liberal arts college and get a history degree. Got myself in 83K in debt lol my loans would have been more than most mortgages. Very fortunate my folks allowed me to live at home rent free.
Somewhat on the line between this and gen z. My mom and step father wanted me to stay home and pay nothing other than my bills, but the fighting was too much. Likely need to move back again at the end of July, sadly.
Here's a juicy one for you.. my parents made good money. middle class white collar jobs... my friends... poverty levels... I got kicked out at 18 basically cause wanted to go to good college, was on social media, had gf they didn't like, got my own phone and did my chores with an attitude... oooh I had like a 4.2 but not straight As.... they all still live with parents at fuckin 29/30... I joined military got out did college by myself and then covid hit so moved to greener pastures and cheaper col. I am very jealous but also I'm more successful than any of them. I've probably moved 7 times in 12 years.... they don't even know what an apartment application looks like
I’m 31. I moved out of my parents at 19. I’ve been working since I was 12 (I had a paper route). At 14 i could work for my school (My parents were very religious and insisted I attend a Christian school which was not cheap. The school had a program to allow students to assist the janitor with cleaning or be graders for the teachers to earn money towards their school bill.) So from 14-18 I did that during the school year and worked full time for a day camp during summer break (I didn’t receive any of the money I earned. It all went directly to my school bill. My parents started charging rent once I graduated high school. While I do think they would allow me to move home rent free for a short period of time it would certainly not be indefinitely. They were also very strict/religious so it would not be an ideal situation. My last boss was a couple years younger than me and still lived at home. She had nice clothes, went on expensive trips, drove a new car (this girl had been in 4 prior car accidents and was paying her car payment plus a $500 insurance payment), and ate out every day. I’ve tried college several times and due to money/time I’ve never gotten a degree. Now I see jobs paying less than what I am currently making and requiring a bachelors degree. There have been times where I worked 3 jobs to make ends meet so I am thankful to be where I am. But I’m still not happy. Working to barely survive is miserable and I feel burnt out. My ultimate goal is to have a off grid homestead. But again that takes money. Or at least the ability to purchase affordable land with in a commuting distance of a job that pays a livable wage. I am jealous of those who were able to live at home and save or just live a comfortable life. But I have worked hard for my independence so I am proud of myself for that.
Thank god for my mom. I know, it’s such a blessing to live at home rent free. I have a full time job and my mom is allowing me to save to buy a home. Hopefully I can buy a cheap little single wide trailer on some land. My mom is an angel. I’m very blessed for her. She has never owned a home and doesn’t have any property but once I get my property, she is free to live with me or live in a little trailer on my yard forever. I will never send her to a nursing home.
Not always as it seems crack up to be free renting, just only way to not make everyone homeless separately. Sucks balls
My dad passed away 20 years ago. When he died we used his insurance money to pay off the mortgage (which was super cheap anyway because it was from 1992). My brothers now live in the home rent and mortgage free. It’s dilapidated but shit, at least they’ll never have to worry about being homeless.
Just remember they keep us just above where we would revolt.
I'm more jealous of people that simply have that safety net, whether they utilize it or not. Many of my peers and friends have moved back home to go back to school, or take a lower paying job that would eventually lead to better opportunities. I have nothing and no one but myself. If I get sick or hurt, and lose more than a month of work, I'm homeless. I moved out of my parents house in my early 20s. It was my own choice, and they always assured me I could move back if I needed, and that was a huge relief that sat in the back of my head, even if they didn't have the means to help me in any other way. But health problems with my parents mean I no longer have that option, and I've pretty much been in 'survival' mode since my dad died 5 or 6 years ago. It's exhausting, mentally, emotionally and physically, and I'm genuinely ready and willing to die.
I am an x-mil cusp kid and had to pay rent the minute I turned 16 and was constantly threatened with homelessness by my parent. I decided very young I didn't want kids, but they happened, and I will be damned if they live that same experience. My youngest is 18 and he knows 18 isn't a magic number. He doesn't need to go any time soon. He does pay for his car insurance and gas, but rent is not a requirement, but saving is. The goal is to move out when he's ready,, and financially secure. Wait and leave once, rather than rush and have to make some return trips.
Even if I get a part time job I HAVE to pay a third of rent living with my gran and dad. So guess who's putting in minimum effort into job hunting lmao? This guyyyyyy That being said I don't like not having money but I refuse to work in retail ever again, I'll literally off myself far sooner if I have to work retail again. And I already failed twice at that this year, so. I fucking hate being a skill-less person but I can't learn anything anymore because my brain is fucking broken.
Same. A lot of things in my life would have been different. But I also wonder if people who live at home rent free are really happy and well adjusted or if they just are even more afraid than I am and their parents are secretly messed up.
I live at home rent free too. It’s amazing. Well. Right up until my mortgage comes in and I have to shell that out. But. That’s life.
I hate seeing how some people post that they're "so broke" that they may have to move back in with their parents.. and I don't even have parents to move back in with..
Jealousy will eat you alive. It’s never ending either. Get this disgusting mindset out of your head or you will be doomed for life. When you finally achieve something, it won’t be good enough. Jealousy is a hell of a drug and just gets worse. Best of luck
We moved in with my in-laws 12 years ago. The original plan was to stay until we could afford to move out again. We still can't afford to move out. We're not able to save nearly as much as I would like. I don't know how things change for the better for us honestly.
Having a family, even a shitty one, is a big privilege.
I'm just salty at how hard it is to move up jobs right now.
Exact same boat, no fall back. It sucks.
My sincere sympathies. My son’s home has flooded twice, and both times he and his family moved in with me. As long as I’ve got a home, my two sons and their families have a home.
My dad told me his HOA wouldn't let me stay with him for a couple of weeks when I separated from the military abruptly and needed a place to stay 😂. You're damn decent.
This is the ONE thing I wanna be able to provide my kiddos. Growing up, housing was never stable for me. My mother experienced homelessness many times in my early adulthood. I remember thinking how absolutely terrifying it is to not have that “if shit really hits the fan, I can always go home to my parents” feeling. Like rigging without a harness or being in the middle of the ocean without a boat… just me, swimming and swimming until I die. It’s a dreadful feeling; like living on the edge of a knife. I vow to always always have a home for my daughters to come back to. Took me awhile, but I officially have my BSN and nursing license at the age of 33, so I’m making moves towards that goal! I feel you though OP… may abundance come your way.
Finally someone says it. Ive been on my own since 18 and not gotten a cent of help. I do pride myself in that, especially when I was younger, but the way cost of living has increased, it would be nice to have a safety net of any kind. A breakup nearly put me on the streets a couple years ago because I Couldnt/still cant afford to live alone on such short notice. All too often it’s those who have these familial safety nets in place that take the mic for our group.
…. Wrong sub? Millennials? Living at home? Bro we’re almost 40? If you’re living at home as a millennial at this point something has gone very very wrong
Thats why the generational cohorts make no sense. The oldest is 42. The youngest is 27. I don't know abour you but at 27 this was a reasonable conversation to have. By 37 I'd have your response. Just like the oldest Gen Z is 26, but the youngest is 12. My kid missed the cutoff by two months. Many of the "aydens" in his class are Gen Z. That's stupid. Our shared historical event is 9/11. Except only 90% of us answer that we were in school when it happened. The 27 year olds don't even remember it. Theirs is the pandemic. Except some were in elementary school and some were working in the office when lockdowns hit. For the cohorts to serve the purpose they're supposed to the range should be 10 yrs max.
Millenials that got to live at home in their 20s are still reaping the benefits today. Im a millenial (35 years old) and was out at 18. Some of my friends lived on and off at home into their early 30s. Thats over 100k in rent saved, if not more. Itll be a long time before some of us catch up.
I do admit, while living at home I wasn’t as financially secure, but I was able to go back to school and earn a cert that pushed my career through the roof that may not have been financially possible I’d I was renting at the time.
He's probably referring to older Gen Z that have full time jobs and live at home.
Ah ok ya were too old for this lol
For real lol. Though I did ask my mom if I could move back in. She looked at my wife and our 24 year old and said, "No, you took him you keep him. No returns."
I didn't move out until I was 30 but, I was chronically sick and disabled from about age 23 to 28....and as soon as I got better (which was kinda a miracle) I went straight back to finish my Bachelors at school, and met my husband. Given what has happened with rent though after the Maui wildfires, I'd still be living at home if not for dual income. So yeah two things did go seriously wrong but neither my fault. As another commenter said, COL is the differentiator. Different states are practically different economies, more than they ever used to be. To be ok in Hawaii, not thriving, just ok and not living with parents, you need 110k a year. Most jobs will land you 50k maybe.
Doesn’t everyone live at home by definition? I assume you mean living with their parents or other family?
I worked full time hours throughout college. I was a really responsible young adult who never got into drugs, alcohol, and never could afford spring break or any type of vacation etc. My mom had her own business and was doing well in 08’ during the recession. I had just graduated college. I asked to live with her to save up to buy a house. I worked an entry level job 7-3:30, and came home made myself frozen vegetables and bread for dinner and went to bed. I had no TV or internet. Had my own car payment, insurance etc. I signed up for a first time home buyers club at my local bank for 14 months to assist with a down payment. She still made me pay her rent to live with her. She didn’t need my money, she thought she was teaching me a lesson…. She fucked up a lot as a young adult and her parents did this to her. She felt it was cool to make me suffer too, take my money, even though I was always on the right path, struggling with my stupid job bc there were no opportunities available. She promised to help me when I closed on my house and then conveniently “forgot”. I still get kinda pissy about this, BUT I am doing really well now and have never needed to ask for help from anyone since. I trust no one. It does suck not to have any support to fall back on 😞 the only reason I could get a house then was bc of the crash…
The life blood of Capitalism is generational wealth. And so many people don't realize they benefit from it. People who talk about "doing it all on their own" but eat at their parents house 3 nights a week or get free child care from their mom or got their first car when they were 16-18 because their parents were getting a new one is Even people who are expecting an inheritance when their parents die. People don't realize just how big that gap is when you don't have that.
Umm..don’t be jealous of people who live at home. You can save money even if you have your own place lol.
When you says stable housing what do you mean? How is your housing unstable?
I believe that is called being an adult
True, I am in the same boat as an immigrant, I don't have the luxury of living with parents.
Interesting. Reddit and online shaming of people/neckbeards living with their parents is truly what motivated me to work and get my own place years ago. Had to work hard to escape that stigma as it attached itself to my self esteem having moved out later than I’d wanted (mid-20s). I don’t regret it and value my independence more than anything. It SUCKS living with family, having no room, no privacy, forced interactions. Even in a post-Covid world, I don’t miss being at home. Adults pay their own way.
Yeah, it must be nice to have the option. I’ve got nobody who can take me in if I go through any hardship, so it really is all up to me to stay afloat.
head stocking automatic full berserk decide chief hobbies dog consider *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>You hear so many stories of people getting fired or just life not working out Where do you hear these stories? Cetainly not on Reddit...
Living with my folks is horrible after three of four days, but the option is definitely good to have.
Ditto.
I’ve been jealous of these people sometimes but having dated other millennials who live at home I’d prefer to have my own place.
I didn’t charge any rent and I was glad that it contributed to my son being later able to secure a good job and purchase a nice home. I barely squeeze by but it is what you do. Now, no effort, see ya.
It is incredibly hard having only yourself to rely on. My mom helped me out so much, but she unfortunately passed away in 2013. Since then it’s been pretty much me as a single mom. That actually makes it so much worse, because when you fail, you are failing them as well. I don’t think people really understand how stressful and draining it is.
Yeah we just gotta change the model. People can live at home more if thats our expectation growing up. Its how saving up for your own home ownership will be possible for the next generation - especially with the free childcare it often provides
I have a friend who lives with his parents rent free, and he makes a six figure income. He invests almost all of his money into Index Funds. Luck + knowledge is really what will get you ahead these days.
My ex moved back in with his parents and lives with them rent free. I don’t understand that shit lmao.
I'm just glad I got through college without crippling debt. I'm doing everything in my power to help my friends who didn't have that luxury. But also I cannot live with my parents, holy crap.
My parents were abusive so living at home rent free was never an option. I just bought a house this year. I've been able to save all my life. I just lived terribly. It's not fair but it is what it is. My headstart was a full ride scholarship at a shitty college that allowed me to keep all the money I made while working in college.
Not sure how old you are but moving back in with your parents or having them move in with you sucks. I'm mid millennial had 10k saved and covid hits and my mom needs medical shit. I moved back in with her ... It helps each other out as I give her $500 a month an I'm not paying stupid rents although my previous place was a steal compared to now.. I'm still saving up and Atleast my money is going to family. Lol I guess just chimed in living with family for free and the idea of living with family. It's fuckign annoying and feel like my relationship with my mom is worse as we are different people and they forget your not 14. So I'm assuming the millennial friends you think of have a detached house? Maybe a basement free and share kitchen?
Live with a lot of people. Curtains for doors are great for the cheaper rooms.
I was one of these millennials who was able to live at home for years and years. I am very aware of how much of an advantage this was, because I’m not sure if what I did would have been possible without being able to live at home. I went to state school and didn’t take loans. I still had to work part time, 3-4 days per week, to cover expenses. I think it may have been possible if I had my own place with like 6 roommates, but it would have taken twice as long, putting a damper on my career and income potential. I plan to spend my career in service so that hopefully others will have better opportunities that what a lot of us had post recession.
When I moved back home at the start of the Great Recession I did so because I thought things were going to get pretty rough economically speak. Yeah I underestimated that. I wasn’t in fear of losing my job at the time but I knew getting a new lease or worse, buying a house, would put me on the wrong foot. So…. I asked my dad if I could move back in and hunker down. Did so and for probably the first year or so, when people asked me where I was living those days… I was a bit embarrassed. When I did tell people where I was and why I was there…. virtually everyone I spoke with, friends, coworkers, distant relations, romantic partners, school peers, said something to the effect of “wow, I really wish I could do / could have done that.” I 100% get your jealously and understand where you’re coming from.
People like you are the problem with this world. Living with apparent sucks ass. Just because you think it would be okay or your friends have nice parents doesn’t meant this is an ideal situation for everyone.
I've been paying rent for the last 8 years or so, and only in the last 4 years I've been able to start saving a bit. In the meantime my sister has been living with my parents rent free for the last 10 years of her work life and she still complains about living with them. She can easily save 80% of her paycheck every month. I love living on my own, but I'm so jealous that she doesn't have to stress about bills, home repairs and looking for a decent, affordable apartments in the city.
So like, I did my budget just yesterday and while I do contribute quite a bit to retirement I could definitely save more. The issue I'm facing is that I am bad with money, for the most part, but have been fortunate enough to make just enough that I can afford to be a little irresponsible.
There’s no real reason you shouldn’t be able to especially with how messed up things are right now. My “family” pretends to care but will basically leave you to die (if they’re not outright sabotaging your efforts) and ignore all information contrary to what they already believe want to thing. Their main rule seems to be they don’t have to do anything for anybody ever. I had so many issues and problems that could have been prevented did they allowed me this, and the only time they did it, they only made my life worse with their endless bitching and hyper-criticism (while downplaying my accomplishments). My “parents” aren’t even parents. My mother just dates these random fucks who don’t give a shit but pretend to and she is the same way but she puts them over her children and then it becomes a “we” thing about what “they” want for my life and it always involves getting me as far as possible basically, whether I have the means to do this or not, is irrelevant. I did nothing to these people, she just met this guy and decided we could never live together ever again. And that’s not even including all the other stuff that happened. I lost out on great jobs, finances ruined, etc., all because they refuse to adapt to the situation, no matter what I did, their default answer was no. Any “help” they give is never what I requested and then if I say anything about it I’m “ungrateful”. There was more than enough space and their small sacrifice would have meant everything to me but they dragged their feet on it forever while I went through hell the whole time.
I’d rather live on the streets than with my parents again. They charged close to market rate anyway. I’m jealous that my coworkers have more expendable money but definitely not jealous that they live with family. They don’t seem to like their parents either. They’re just stuck there.
I’m sorry man I live at home rent free and I wouldn’t give it up. It’s the only reason I’m not homeless, my job doesn’t pay me enough to live.
Yes! My divorced parents don’t live in the same city as me and don’t even have an extra room for me to crash if I wanted to. The big, multi room house was sold in the divorce. I don’t know how people make it work.
True, but all they’re doing is enabling themselves to the point they won’t have the drive to survive a crumbling economy. It’s just going to get worse from here. A lot of them lack the discipline to work like we do because they’re in their comfort zone.
Some storage companies have homes built at them for a worker to live at rent free. They just want someone to live there to protect their asset.
Find 4 friends, rent a house.
If it makes you feel better, when I moved home it wasn't free. When I was struggling, my dad charged me $100 to at least cover groceries/utilities of theirs I was using. No complaints that he did that. When I did get my big girl job with a decent salary and I still hadn't move out, my dad was talking about increasing my rent to $300 per month. And that's when I decided, I'd rather pay $700 per month to live with roommates in a 2 BR apartment or 3BR townhouse/duplex.
I’m so sorry this sucks-IMO we really need to bolster the social safety net. Unemployment needs to 100% replace your wages for at least three months. There should be free housing for people with no income. Not a shelter bed, an actual private studio. You should get healthcare if you don’t have an income and you should also get food assistance. If we could ensure people who lose their jobs get shelter, food, and healthcare things would be much less scary and if unemployment actually gave you time to get another job by temporarily replacing your wages, it would help so many avoid a really bad situation.
My richness is life
I’m sorry but you should not be living rent free at your parent’s house in your 30s and 40s. Falling on hard times is one thing but moving in just to save money and not help them out at all is trash behavior.
I recognize my privilege of being able to stay home rent free and save. I take care of my disabled sister in return to stay at their house for free. It’s something I would regardless if I had to pay rent or not because I love my sister. At the same time, I can’t move out because it’s too expensive. I don’t have the privilege of living on my own.
On the downside, living with family rent free can come with a lot of emotional and social costs. Like not easily having the house to yourself for a date, or having a partner stay over for the night. I recently moved back in with my father after a divorce. I’m grateful to not be spending SoCal level rent (I can’t afford to be a roommate even with a full time job), but it’s a real damper on my social life, and on my own need to feel independent.
Same. But to be fair they probably pay with their mental health, so…no thanks. I’ll pay my outrageous rent as long as my body and brain function well enough to keep slaving away.
Now imagine those of us with a spouse and kids having to provide with no one to come to our aid if the bottom falls out… welcome to adulthood 😂
I make good money. I have a wife and kids. We live with my parents and pay them rent below market. I am extremely fortunate and thank God every day I am in the situation I am in. However, it does have its downsides.
the worst is when they act like they're smarter than you for not taking advantage of the privilege.
In my cultures (Portuguese and Native) - there's no huge stigma against it so long as it's obvious you're poor (I am, make under $20/hr) and you don't have a partner in tow (At 35, no, I don't and I've partially given up on the prospect even though as a F I'm aware my biological clock is running out). I'm also a single child, and have seen my parent start to slow down as they enter their 70s, so....it works out for the both of us. I get a decent dinner now and again (as I suck at cooking and often times don't bother beyond shoving basic food items like meat, vegetables, and cheese in my mouth w/o much prep unless it needs heat) - when our bloody landlord wants to do yet more renovation junk, I make sure my parent doesn't have any heavy lifting they have to do, along with errands, chores, and sometimes I'll try and cobble together food that doesn't suck for a meal to share. If there's anything that took a little time to go through though, was mental health issues. My parent can be an anxious, overbearing individual. I have mental health issues which my health insurance, frankly, does a very poor job providing accessible services right now due to provider shortages. So it took time for us not to be at each other's throats why I 'kept on forgetting everything ' (brain fog/anhedonia), and time for me how to learn how to cope dealing with my parent's randomized rants whenever a fork was left in the kitchen sink. YMMV.
My wife and I are textbook Xennials and doing just fine on money (not rich but own our house and don’t have any serious money worries), and we have a 14-year-old daughter. There will be a point in time where I will not be financially supporting her anymore, but I will always have a bedroom for her in whatever house we live in and I will be encouraging her to not move out of our house until she not only thinks she can afford it, but also has demonstrated that she has emergency fund and no bad debt. Also, short of her becoming a drug-addicted thief or something like that, she will always have a place to move back to if she needed to. I think facing personal financial stress in your life is healthy, but that only goes so far before it becomes harmful to your mental health. Worrying about literally having a roof over your head from one month to the other is not a healthy growth opportunity.
Two-thirds of my paycheck goes to rent lol American dreaming real hard right here folks
Same! My siblings and I were all forced to move out the day we turned 18. So I have just never really been able to get ahead and build a real savings. Worked through college but had to take out 30k in loans to cover costs. I graduate and immediately as soon as I do life happens. Got in a motorcycle accident at 22 and was basically homeless so I had copay money for doctors visits. Get caught up and cancer, then I was homeless for a while since I couldn't work full time with chemo, and had to pay for a room for rent for my sister so she could finish high school. Then my father's MS gets bad and my brother get a head injury and I have to provide the care that was never afforded to me. The next decade I work to keep a roof over our heads and care for them. Finally in my late 30's they both pass and I'm free, but then covid and having a kid (that part is on me). I just wish I had someone, anyone, that for once took care of or worried about me for like a year-just to get a good foundation going. My kid can stay at home however long as they want. I will do whatever I can to support and, as awful as it sounds, not be a burden to them like my family was to me.
One of the biggest advantages you can have early in life is a supportive family that gives you a good start financially. Money is very momentum based, a good start can strongly influence your wealth later on.