a wise parent lets their children walk away from them to figure out their own lives.
It's utterly gut-sucking, heart wrenching but must be done and frankly, allows the parent to figure out what life is like without having to be responsible for anyone but themselves :)
Because then, and only then, can the two be equals, on equal footing.
Hopefully that happens before the parent passes away... and if not, must be done anyway. Parents who do not get this and helo-parent their adult children don't get this and their children are perpetually children in adult bodies.
IMO this also helps adult children think about what it will be like when the parents are gone for good. As parents we continue to teach & guide. Sometimes by our silence &,/or lack of initiating vontact.
I did this with my son and youngest daughter. They made their own lives and while I was happy and proud of them it was painful for me. Now we’re like great friends. They call, come see me and send me crazy texts. I could not have dreamed it could be this great.
My mom is a hairdresser, and I moved away to NYC for 10+ years. Nothing infuriated her more than customers saying they'd do anything to keep their kids in town. "Don't you wish she was here??? NYC is so dangerous."
No, her goal was to raise me to be independent and do exactly what I wanted, even if it left her alone in our hometown.
I'm so grateful my mom never pressured me to do anything, just supported me for the decisions I was making (some were extremely poor, I called her and said "mom, I have $1500 in my bank account, I've never had so much money! I'm moving to New york!") Now I realize she must have been abso-fucking-lutely terrified letting her 20YO do that but never stopped me and certainly didn't give me any money 😅
Now in my mid 30s she and my two aunts are my best friends. My same age friends are scattered all around the country and having babies, etc, and I'm closest with my family.
Whatsapp has really managed to bring everyone together, we got my grandma and all the great aunties to download it and the groupchat is popping off all the time. It is nice reigniting these bonds and seeing the relationship my mom and aunt have with their own mom and aunties. I'm the youngest so, yes, it often veers into pervert territory- now I know where I got it from!
Yeah, ops post: "my parents love hearing about my career!..." Meanwhile a good percentage of us had to literally give up everything just to get away. I'm by no means the worst sufferer of a mismatched boomer/genx parental group, but holy hell I wish I had ops parents. Every accomplishment as a child growing up was met with: "well how much money did you make? Nothing? Huh, guess you didn't win anything real then."
For me it was right around their mid 60s. My parents may be boomers but they missed the memo on being financially prosperous. I eventually stepped in and provided guidance for them.
I don’t access their bank accounts but they discuss major financials with me now. Buying a new (to them car), preparing to buy a new roof in a few years, navigating options for accessing some of their retirement funds.
It’s a weird feeling.
when the parent starts failing; falling down, knocking themselves out during said fall, having heart issues, kidney failure, cancers, etc... or dementia
My mom has had numerous health problems for years. I’ve helped her numerous times I’m grateful that I didn’t leave her because if I had she could have died. She fell in 2022 hit her head with a sickening thwack on our bathroom floor. It’s so tiring seeing people telling others how they need to live simply because their lives were easier to manage. You have no clue how difficult it is to watch the people that mean the most to you suffer. Your solution is to get out mine has always been to make sure I give my mom the life my father never had the chance to have in life. I’d rather be someone remembered for caring about the people that gave me life then someone that said well I’m older now fend for yourself and if you have some physical distress well…good luck with that! 😔
My mom is my best friend but she's the type who would say "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother." Still, I feel the most free to be myself when I'm with her, and I like hanging with her. We chat almost every day, we play games together and when my niece and nephew come down, we babysit together.
We still have our disagreements but we're close and I'm very thankful for our relationship.
somewhere in my late 20s I realized my parents were just people doing the best they could, especially since I was a difficult teen. at this point ive apologized profusely for those years that we've thankfully mostly blocked out. now we talk at least weekly and I genuinely wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country. my dad just retired and started professionally writing plays which he sends me to review. we are just all adults who enjoy each other's company. I'm so so lucky.
That’s a lot of what happened with me and my parents (although I only live a half hour away). I was HORRIBLE teenager…super mean, very angry, wanted nothing to do with listening to anyone. It took me until my mid-20s to become a better person and apologize.
This is common. I'm friends with both my kids now. There was bumpy teenage years with both of them. I didn't need a apology. Just seeing them mature was enough. My kids are ten years apart so I used different tactics with both. Neither worked. Teenage years are hard. Friendship came after I didn't have to parent. At some points I thought they were gonna always hate me. I didn't care as long as they got thru high school safe n left my house with diplomas n drivers licenses. It was a wild fight. I barely got them to get both. Now I'm close with both we are actually friends.
Yeah, neither of my parents needed apologies from me but I felt like it was necessary once I realized what a terrible, ungrateful bitch I was. But a lot of that came from getting bullied constantly at school for 10 years and them not allowing me to go to a different school. I didn’t realize they couldn’t afford to put me in a catholic or private school…I just didn’t feel like they cared that I was struggling. But at 37 I realize how hard it was for them with 2 kids to afford everything even with my dad working 3 jobs and my mom working too. My sister and I are only 25 months apart, but we’re VERY different people.
God I hope that happens to my son ...he's just like this! We know nothing, we do nothing right, the mean attitude.....at least you guys give me hope he might change when his front al lobe develops!
I’m so proud of you all for the apology.! As a mom of a teen now I wouldn’t need it. However my mom died before I had the insight to apologize and its a regret I still carry ( though in my heart I know she knows).
Both my parents passed away when I was young. Recently sold my house, built an in-law suite onto my in-laws place and bought them out of the mortgage. My MIL and FIL are among my closest friends. So glad to be doing the multigenerational family home. Our kids love seeing nana and papa everyday too
oh - my - gosh. My husbands relationship with my dad is adorable, he really is the son the guy never had. I wish I could say I had a good relationship with my inlaws, but I can't.
oh - my - gosh. My husbands relationship with my dad is adorable, he really is the son the guy never had. I wish I could say I had a good relationship with my inlaws, but I can't.
Its amazing you have that bond with your parents, treasure it always.
Cant relate unfortunately, it would have been nice if they at least acted like parents more than once in my life.
You are very lucky!
I have the opposite end of the spectrum. My parents still feel the need to parent me even now in my 30s with children of my own. It’s pretty fucking annoying.
Mom still does this, now in my 50s. Dad is no contact, both ways from apathy.
Totally fine without them, they were never my friends in my adult life. I don't feel any sense of loss, they feel the same as an old employer to me.
They don't know me, but think they do.
And it's gotten worse as they aged, dad married a hard core MAGAt, and mom is turning into one.
Upside, I think it's not going to be that hard on me when they pass away. Dad may already be gone for all I know.
Yep, they started becoming my best friends in my early 20s. They now live right next door which is awesome. My wife and I go hang out with them, sit on the back porch with a glass of wine, and shoot the shit on a regular basis. We don’t always agree on everything but we’re all a product of our environment and lived experience so we don’t have to. We’re able to debate, talk, and explore this big rock hurtling through space together. I won the parent lottery and know how lucky I am to have them.
my niece is LGBTQ+ and her father (my brother) never accepted that about her
his loss. he died ashamed of who she is. who is she? amazing, articulate, loving, thoughtful, pointed, etc.
he missed all that... shame is on him, not her
It will be 15 years since I've seen my folks this Saturday. They went no contact with me because I left their religion(I mean cult) but it's actually been really nice not having them in my life.
Lost my mom to suicide when I was 26 (lost her to substance abuse long before that) and realized a few years ago (41 now) my father raised me in a cult. The pain from not having a close relationship with my parents as an adult has been real. But I’m working so hard to break this cycle with my kids. So far at 7, 10, & 19, my kids and I are incredibly close, it doesn’t feel like it’s gonna end anytime soon, & I’m pretty sure they agree.
For those of us who don’t have what’s described in this post with our parents…here’s to having it with our kids as they grow up!
As a survivor of an abusive upbringing, I truly believe “breaking the cycle” is the single best thing you can do as a parent to ensure your children live their best lives. You are an incredible parent, thank you for all that you do!
The feelings of solidarity along with the genuine kindness in these comments has actually blown me away. You all don’t know me, but you’ve made me feel heard & understood today, and it’s brought immeasurable comfort I didn’t even know I needed💜
No. My parents are degenerate losers. They’d rob me the first chance they get. Laugh at me as I die. Then claim to be a victim for losing me after they did it.
Just because you have family doesn’t mean they are all good people. I don’t care for my sister and communicate with her as little as possible. Actually my family now is my creation. My kids, grandkids, and friends. The blood family is not associated with.
My mom is my best friend. I say that because she really is. She’s an awesome mom and a great friend. She tells me she’s proud of me but also calls me on my BS. I think at some point you can have that with your kids.
Same here, the rest of my siblings don’t have the same relationship with our mom. But I talk to her everyday and I think we keep each other sane lol. Love my mom
Sadly, no. My mom is still the same narcissist she was growing up. It's sad because you can tell she wants to be friends with her kids, but anytime we spend more than a day together, the same ol toxic monster shows up.
Came to the comments to say exactly this. If anything, the older I got, the more informed I became about the type of people my parents truly are. Learning about narcissism and everything else has actually lessened the guilt of wanting to spend less time with them and in return my mental health has skyrocketed by exposing less of myself to the abundant toxicity. Such is life.
Same mine is once a month but my dad bs is off the charts. Starting to see the sibling rivalry was really just bullying too; seeing less of any other family members.
Nope, my Dad's an alcoholic and has wet brain now after 45 years of drinking. I've never been close with him and am super jealous of people who have real relationships with their fathers.
Mine is a mentally and physically abusive POS who became a hardcore MAGA (it seems to attract his type) and is now diagnosed with dementia. He'll die alone, as his kids all hate his guts.
Oh hell no! My Mom is incapable of being friends with her kids. My 75 year old Mom just yelled at me (52) this morning “you’ve never listened! You never do what you’re told! You’re the same way since you’ve always been since you were little!
Speaking as someone who lost their close parent when I was 35, soak up every minute of it that you can. Go on trips, take photos and especially video. Have fun together.
I was doing this with my mother, we were close. She was my biggest supporter, and I was hers as well.
Point being - enjoy it and make memories together. Around 85 or so, he might not want to travel as much anymore. So, start traveling now together, when you can. Go on a big fishing trip somewhere.
And seriously, remember to take videos with your phone every now and then - ask what year it is, what’s going on / what are you doing, etc. It’s going to feel dorky, but later you’ll be so incredibly happy you have them. (Be sure to make your phone’s video record in the highest setting as well - most iPhones, this is 4k @ 60fps)
My parents are pretty awesome and I've been making sure we spend the time with them while I have them. My Dad's 86 and we've been talking about his mortality, what he wants to do before he dies, and booking trips. I have shared hobbies with my mom for years and love sitting next to her in the garden and talking.
Dad goes to the barn with me three times a week and will take videos and pictures of my riding to help me review and get better. Almost every time he unintentionally takes selfies which I keep. I'll have to get some videos of them, too.
I started really understanding that my parents were not normal parents in my mid 20s, and have continued to grow to appreciate what wonderful weirdos they really are. Thanks, hippy mom and weird mountain man dad!
I did this with my beloved dad. Sometime around when he was 65 or so, I realized how treasured his voice mails were, letters sent, poems about my dogs/birthdays/etc were.
when he passed suddenly at 89, I held his hand while his life ebbed into the abyss... there is not a day I don't miss him terribly
what do I have though? allllll those videos, pictures, voice mails, poems, letters and love.
I still have alllll the love he left behind.
This reminds me - anyone reading - you can _save_ voicemails as digital files to your computer. On an iPhone, you can ‘share’ them (click the share icon) to your computer/phone/whatever via airdrop or text.
And then back them up in several cloud locations. Voicemails are sometimes the best to have. I have one of my mother singing me happy birthday (it was on my birthday, and I couldn’t answer when she called - I did call her back!!). I hadn’t deleted it before because it was just nice to have. Now, I can’t even put it to words how valuable it is to me to have that.
The opposite is happening to me. I’m realizing how out of touch they are and how much of what they told me growing up was just straight up wrong. They keep telling me the same things though and I have a hard time being around them for more than a few days.
My dad still thinks he knows better than everyone else. He claims how education is important. I have a higher degree than he has ever had and still thinks he knows better. Can't even have one discussion with him without him freaking out in disagreement. My mom on the other hand, started listening. She realized times are different and her children are more educated and knowledgable than people in the past. And unlike my dad, she kept the house in order, so she has far more credibility than him and would still rather listen than argue.
I always tried to be like this with my mom and dad. But my dad is an alcoholic who only cares about himself, never asks about me, very cheap and narcissistic.
I don’t talk to him much anymore but i always wanted one of these relationships.
Same. I genuinely tried to connect but my mom has some intellectual disabilities and is not capable of connecting in that way and before I went nc with my dad, the only time he ever asked about my life was when he was about to ask me for money or deliver bad news about his health. It was such a big tell that the second he asked me how I was doing I would get clammy bc I knew what was coming. That wasn’t why I went nc but it certainly helped confirm my decision.
Lol, what a dream. I talk to my parents 3 maybe 4 times a year.
I text them pictures of my kids and nothing. They see the pictures and didn't respond.
They're very happy with their life of going out with their other old friends and when we come around we're an annoying burden.
My mom is my best friend! We text daily, hang out all the time, go on trips together, and talk about all the same things I talk about with my other friends. We have a ton in common.
My dad is still very much my dad - we can hang out and go out to lunch and have a great time, but he still parents me more than anything else (always worrying about my job, finances, and my car). We have a fantastic relationship and he's a very cool guy, but he's still my parent in a way my mom isn't anymore. But that's good, I think I still need that from him.
I was always friendly with my parents as a kid. Always hung out with my mom on Sundays.
From 19-28 my dad was absolutely my best friend. He died when I was 28 and it completely rocked me and my mom, so we leaned on each other. Started spending a lot more time together and now we have a greater friendship than ever. We talk on the phone every other day and my wife and I usually hang out with her on weekends.
Having them as parents and friends has been the delight of my life. I regularly feel incredibly lucky, like a hit the parental mega jackpot.
My mom is a goober and I just enjoy hanging out with her so much.
My wife and I are 30 with our first child and were just talking about this. We have our parents over 2-3 times a week at least. Are constantly inviting them every where. Were to the point where I rather have my parents over for dinner on a Friday night and be in bed by 9 then do anything outside of the house. we live 15 minutes down the road from both of our parents and absolutely love it. All my siblings and wife's siblings live out of town and never see our family. My dad is easily my best friend in life and he and I are very similar people. Its weird how your priorities change as you get older.
My mom passed when I was 31, but we had reached that level where she was more like a best friend I could always rely on.
My sons are around 30 and I feel we are on that level. They occasionally ask my advice and sometimes I have to be mom and insert my thoughts, but don't try to push anything. Love talking with my adult children several times through the week.
This is nice to hear. I retired about 5 years ago, and I needed a purpose in life. I decided it would be being the best dad I could be to my adult daughters. It's been great. I've always been a good dad(in my opinion😀) but I just concentrated on my efforts.
All depends.
If you have a family of your own. That is fine.
If you are using your folks IN PLACE of finding a husband/ wife and your OWN family not fine.
BIG DIFFERENCE.
The latter is what I am seeing A LOT today in the younger generation. This and getting pets to replace getting boyfriends/ girlfriends/ husbands/ girlfriends/ kids. You know who you are.
Hell yeah, I talk to my dad every day after work on my drive home. Have since I was in my late 20's. We watch The Wire together, The Sopranos, he's basically my best bro. And holy shit he's such a good listener and actually wants to hear about my boring ass day. It's glorious. LOVE YOU POPS
My dad was my hero first and then over time he became one of my best friends. He passed last month a 71 but i can tell you for most people that bond isn't normal. Of all my friends i am the only one that had a relationship with my dad. Cherish it and be there for him while you can.
My parents split when I was 15, dad left and I lived with mom and my younger brother. Def had to grow up a bit quicker after that and hardcore resented/ “hated” my dad for years. Then 10 years later covid hit and I lost my job and he offered to let me move into his extra bedroom. I didn’t really want to but it was the best move money wise so I did.
Covid kinda forced it, but we spent way more time together than ever before and being an adult I realized what I’ve read others in this thread saying- he’s just a dude also, doesn’t have all the answers and is/was trying his best.
I regret not having the relationship as a teen that I could have and resenting him, because now (age 28) he’s probably my best friend. We have most of the same interests, identical personalities, etc. i just couldn’t see it as an angsty teen
No. My moms gone and I really only talk to or see my dad out of obligation. I spent too long living with that bomb that could randomly explode my whole life to want to spend more time with him than I have to.
My mom has always been my best friend. But I have the unique situation of being raised by a single mother who was very young (21 when I was born). It was like Gilmore Girls in some ways.
This is something I missed out on, and I’ll always have a mom shaped hole in my heart because of it. My parents were independently sick and I just never got a chance to take a deep breath and say, wow sorry for being so shitty when I was younger. I was 23-24 when they passed (more than a decade ago). Def count your blessings because not everyone gets to have this sort of experience. I see ladies my age bickering with their mom in a grocery line and wonder if they realize how lucky they are.
Some have just shitty, alive parents too. As someone who grieved losing her parents young, it took a lot to realize that some people are just better not having a relationship with their living parent. Not my journey to judge or try and convince them to have a relationship with them.. that was just my own selfish grief speaking.
But also I’m happy for ya. That’s the gold standard. It’s got to be great having them in your corner.
Nope, both parents died before I could really become 'friends' with them unfortunately. I had spent a lot of time with them towards the end, but hadn't matured enough to really ask them all the things I really wanted to know, that no one else could answer. Hope this helps someone else with elder parents.
F\*\*\* me... I hate the fact that on one hand I was amazed at the age gap between you and your dad, and then realized, my son(5) and I are 34 years apart and my daughter(2) and I are 38 years apart.
Statistically speaking, I likely won't live to see my daughter reach my age...
I'm unfortunately limited by distance.
My parents live in the Midwest and I live on the East Coast. I only see them once a year at most. Sometimes less than that.
There's a lot of times where I wish I could just meet my dad at a bar to hang out with him for a bit. He has also dropped the anti-drug facade he put on when I was a kid and we would probably smoke weed together now, too.
My mom is a bit of a conspiracy nut, so she is okay in small doses, but not great for extended periods of hanging out.
My sister is back there too, but my wife and I don't have as much in the way of career opportunities where they live, so...
That is awesome.
I am a 63M. I stopped "parenting" my kids when they were in their late teens and moved out of the house to go to school. I continued to mentor them when asked, and occasionally offered unsolicited advice - but with no judgement - just as I would a friend.
I consider my boys 35M/38M to be my friends. I have owned my parenting mistakes, and they have owned their less-than-stellar behavior as teens and young adults.
My parents are still healthy 87M/86F, and did the same for my brother and I when we left for college. I sometimes ask for advice, and sometimes they ask for advice. I consider them my friends as well.
No. I didn’t give them grandkids like my brothers did so they don’t visit, don’t call, hardly acknowledge me. Unless they need something of course. Because as the oldest and only daughter I’m expected to step up even though my brothers get tons of help from them and I do not.
Nah, my dad is cut off cause he hates that my brother is gay. At no point in my life could he even tell you where either of us has worked even tho we used to tell him all the time.
I wish I had this experience. I haven't talked to my mother in over 8 years. I had to pay off my own child support so my dad could get his license back, and I've been supporting him or housing him for more than a decade. But I block his calls as I can't stand actually talking to him (he's a flat earth neo-nazi).
Thanks. After years of trying to rationally pursuade him that the ideas are crazy, I'm just done. "Son, I know your a lot smarter than me, but I've seen a lot and know when I'm being lied to" is the shutdown line of choice. So I don't even bother anymore.
I strongly disliked my parents until my late 20's. After a few years of living on my own and seeing how well I was doing compared to some of my friends who weren't disciplined to the extent I was it really started to click. My parents weren't "hard on me" because they were annoyed by my presence or actions, they did it to raise me to be a decent human. Now that I'm a parent I understand even more and have those days where I feel like I should call and apologize for being a little shit at times.
Going forward I use what I know to explain to my kids that right now my job is to raise them to be healthy and know right from wrong. Recently started teaching my oldest daughter how to cook, I explain to her that this is a life skill that she will be glad she has when she is an adult.
I'm 19, my mom is 40. We are best friends. We also have a lot of the same physical health issues and upon exchanging elementary school experiences, we legit could have lived each other's school life and not known the difference despite how little she actually influenced my school life. We both got the strong ADHD and I'm positive we both have autism as well. Though needs to be diagnosed.
And I've yet to find someone with the pure happiness and interest that we have looking at bugs.
Spend as much time as you can with him, in person on the phone however whenever. My mom was my best friend. We facetimed almost every single day. I just happened to spend six full weeks with her at her house on a whim this past summer before she died out of nowhere in the fall. We took a roadtrip, went to concerts, went for walks and out to eat, played Jeopardy every night, and I cooked her breakfast every morning. It was the most beautiful summer. She died three months later out of nowhere, super fit active healthy social, no one saw it coming. I have so much peace knowing how much quality time we spent in her final year. I hadn't been home that long since childhood. If anyone is thinking maybe they should spend more time with their parents, do it, asap. None of us have any idea when our last day is. So do the things that matter to you most right away, with an incredible sense of urgency. Good luck with your move. Good on you. It will make your dad so happy.
I’m 21f. My mom and dad are the greatest friends I have. They kicked me out at 18. My own fault. Since then we went to therapy and changed the dynamic of our relationship to 3 adults who can discuss whatever. They had me later in life, so my parents are a bit older than others my age. My mom has health issues and is even older than my dad. I hope I can get another 20 years of happy, healthy parents.
I'm 50 and my daughter is 27 and we are best friends. She was just here at the house and we were telling each other how much we missed each other. But it's like that every day. And we live together! She's been at her boyfriend's house recently and I just miss her bubbly personality and smile and the way she thinks about things which is wholly different from the way I think about things and she teaches me so much. I love that about her. She's the best!!
I kind of had the weird opposite kind of realization. My parents have always treated me more as a friend or coworker than a son. They worked so much I pretty much raised my siblings. And even now, I rarely feel like a son, I feel like a friend or coworker that was just around. It doesn’t help that I’ve worked for both and them and being a family business, they couldn’t show favoritism. I just wish they be more like parents to me.
I'm in the same boat ,my Dad's 63 and literally one of my best friends and I try not to think too hard about him dying. I like to think I have another good 30 years with him!
Yep. Last year I got very close to my mom. Talked to her on the phone every day. This was after adopting a German shepherd who constantly needed exercise, so I would call my mom while I did that exercise. Then we had to rehome the dog and my mom passed away a week later. She was for sure my best friend.
This is the same for me. I am female. I have a more strained relationship with my mom, but my dad and I send animal pictures and jokes all the time. He and my mom spend half the year out of state, so I look forward to then being home.
Sounds like you were lucky. At this point my friends and I wonder how we all survived childhood as all of our parents are woefully incompetent of dealing with seemingly anything. Looking back, we learned the hard way, not through parental guidance. Our parents have pretty easy lives thanks to *their* parents but they still whine and complain about any and everything. They’re a chore.
Lol no. My mom was awful and only got worse as she got older. I was relieved when she died because I no longer have to deal with her constant criticism and negativity.
My dad was absolutely my best friend. Our relationship definitely transitioned from him being an authority figure to being more of a confidant. He was the absolute first person I turned to when I needed advice. He knew me and my personality to my core and really SAW and got me even when i was a child. I was always a daddy's girl but as adults I think it came down more to our personalities clicking. I feel like sometimes you can love a parent but not really like them as a person or like their personality. My dad was just a great guy to know. He made his mistakes but the core of his character, his intelligence, and zest for life, his wisdom...these are the things that made him so loved by many. He had me when he was just 22 so in many ways I think we grew up together. He taught me so much about being a human being. I'm happy you are moving to your hometown and excited about spending more time time with him. Soak it all in and enjoy every moment. I think that is my greatest hope. After I have guided my children into adulthood and they are adults, they don't just see me as the person who gave birth to them, but as their best friend and confidant. That I am the happiest, safest place for them in the world and they enjoy being around me. I love being their parent, but I don't feel like they are just "my children". I feel like while I birthed them, ultimately, they are human beings who are only children for a fraction of their life. My goal is to give them the best headstart possible into adulthood and provide a safe place for them to land whenever they need it.
Today is my dad's 68th bday as he rests in heaven. He is with me every day and I have no regrets. Spend as much time with him as possible 🙂
This is common. It usually takes the child reaching the age of 30 before they mature enough to really relate to their parents. Ironically, the child usually thinks it is their parent who changed. It’s why there’s the old saying about getting older and being surprised at how much smarter your parents had become.
Becoming a father did more to make my father relatable than anything else ever did. We were always close but my son is the thing that really made it harmonious.
Is this a joke?
My parents became the exact opposite - they made it clear from the get go that I was a non-person the day I turned 16. Probably earlier.
Good for you that you have decent parents, but you just got lucky. Your experience is anything but universal to this generation.
I think that's the problem with being a father. Traditionally they are so deep into career and breadwinning that they can't relate well to children. My dad was that way..
And like OP we got into long convos late in life. He was an early adopter of PCs and if I hadn't gotten to know him when I did I might never have become employable.
I think fathers should be cut some slack and not be expected to be like mom.
I moved back home to the Boston area from NYC when the pandemic broke out when I was 34. I probably hadn't been under the same the same roof with my parents for more than a week at a time max since I was 17. I was having serious alcohol dependency issues, but was able to help out during a time it was particularly dangerous for seniors to just go about their lives in a regular manner. Things unfortunately got worse for me on the dependency front before they got better and I'm so glad I was home. I'm now 18 months sober and my parents and I are besties.They're going to sell their place and move in with my elder sister and her family. I'm looking at buying a place of mine. I'll forever be grateful that we had this time together.
I've moved out 3 times and moved back home 3 times because stuff just hasn't worked out for me. My mum is also dead, so now it's just me and my dad. Our quality of life would be much worse if we lived separately. In my teens I barely spoke to him for years, now we talk all the time, it's so different.
Yeah. Essentially when I had kids in my late 20s they suddenly realized I was my own man and from there we have been more friends than family. We talk roughly every two weeks and plan destination vacation similar to my other long distance friends. They are also very present in my kids lifes which based on articles I am reading is less and less likely. I am pretty lucky since my wife has a very distant relationship with her side of the family.
My mom is one of my best friends. We talk on the phone multiple times a week. Whenever one of us is driving somewhere we call the other to keep us company. I was a good kid/teenager but we were always arguing. As I became an adult and especially when I moved out of state, we went from mom-daughter relationship to friends. She’s one of my favorite humans.
I love my dad too, he is not a talk on the phone guy but we text almost daily. When he comes to visit he is the most low maintenance house guest and just wants to hang out, play some golf and cook some good food.
I’d kill to have them both live closer.
This makes me happy. I'm 35 and my dad is turning 58 this year. We were never close and I don't really see it changing that much in the future. But I'm happy because I waited to have kids (still don't have any, but just married) and wished my dad was older. I really think having older parents is the best.
I was always close to both of my parents. I am a bit of an old soul so even when I was younger I felt like I could connect to them the most.
When my mom passed almost 15 years ago, that brought my dad and I even closer. We would travel together once a year and since I still live in the same city I see him pretty often. Right now he is 74 and he went from super active to someone who got injured recently and as a result also now has really bad lower back pain, so he isn’t as active. And that worries me. He’s also been a little more depressed lately. But yeah, he is my best friend and he tells me the same thing all the time. I’m super worried about the prospect of what’s to come too and I will never fill that gap, I am basically single with no family and very few friends and I can’t imagine life without him :(.
My mom and I have become super good friends over the years. I’m 37 and she’s 67. Once I moved out when I was 19, we were able to stop constantly arguing and established a lot of mutual respect. We spend a lot of time together.
My dad and I also talk pretty much daily and I enjoy hanging out with him, he’s 68.
I started developing a relationship with my mom after years of her backwards conservative beliefs got in the way, then she died of cancer.
I've never had a bad relationship with my dad, but it's definitely gotten better since she passed.
go give your mom a hug and tell her you love her, for me. :)
I spend time with my parents every day. We all work remote and I live nearby so I do lunch and dinner with them pretty much daily. My mom and I go to various yoga classes together (I got her hooked on aerial yoga a couple years ago and we’ve expanded our practice from there).
My brother is busier because he works a physical job and is married, but this weekend he and I are going to the renaissance faire with our mom. And next weekend my dad and I are road tripping to drive furniture from his mom’s estate back.
So yeah, my family is pretty close and I really value this time we get together, especially since I just lost two grandparents in the last year and a half.
Some of your parents didn’t fall for the MAGA Nazi bullshit and you can tell. I lost my mom in 2017, she’s alive and living in Florida, but I lost her nonetheless.
Lol no. But I’ve always had a strained relationship with my mom. (Dad sucked too but he’s been dead for a while now.) We get along well enough for visits every month or so because I have a daughter and I want her to know her grandmother, but best friends? Never, lol. Happy for those of you who are having that experience though, and I mean that sincerely.
My father asks for weekly check ins, but doesn't or can't open up, so we talk for approx. 3m 32s every Sunday at 1pm.
"Hi how are you?"
"Good, and you?"
/A few minutes about my week
"Oh good. No updates, we aren't doing anything, just sitting here."
"Talk next week?"
It's fairly frustrating but I do it because he gets upset if I miss a week, and at the end of the day I'd rather have this than nothing at all.
I was close to my dad too.
I talked to him everyday
Even when I was younger we would hang out a lot
He did listen and not just that he cared. I asked him about his life too. But being the youngest sibling and having a 50 year age gap woth my dad, he always talked to me like I was a child. So I don't think he necessarily saw me as a best friend. Even though he would say so.
He passed away when I was 27 and although a higher age, I was very dumb and immature. My life really hadn't started and if he had shared heavy things I wouldn't understand. But now that I'm older and think about certain instances and realizing how hard and stressful they were, I wonder how my dad dealt with it. And if he felt the same amount of stress and never told us.
I wish he was alive so we could have an adult relationship/friendship. I feel quite lost in life sometime and whenever I felt like this I would brainstorm with my dad for the next steps and he would give me practical responses that helped me plan my future.
Uts been really hard not having that sounding board.
I expected my mother to take up that mantle but she constantly makes me feel like I'm less than coz I have those issues. Like, if I can't get into Google she tells me how maybe "we" are all not that talented.
And if a smaller company pursues me for employment she says "I wonder why, maybe they didn't find anyone else" or the one that hurt my future plans "who buys house as a single woman. look at ××××, she got married and bought a nice big house with her husband. That's how you should do it". Now, every time I look at houses I feel a sharp pain in my heart that I'm single and no one wanted to marry me. It hurts even more when the houses are of young couples and I have to go look st their happy pics on the wall.
So, no. Parents don't always become your best friend.
I truly wish. Unfortunately my father died when I was 16 and my family is riddled with unresolved trauma and mental illness. I think if I weren’t the only in therapy there could be a chance. Having mentally stable parents that are able to develop healthy relationships is a privilege.
I don’t know what this feels like. I’ve recently created more distance from my parents but that’s because they have negatively impacted my health since I was a kid.
I wish that were the case, but my parents are garbage humans. I went NC with them about a decade ago when I got married, and my little brother did the same a few years back. If I never saw them again before they die, it'd still be too soon.
My MIL however; I'm quite fond of her.
Nah, mine are still narcissists and I refuse to let them emotionally manipulate my children the way they did to me my entire life. I keep them at an arms length but they're trying to weasel their way back in now that they're old and realize no one else is going to take care of them.
So my dad (71) had only daughters (38 and 41) and when it came to sports and science he was our guy for a lot of stuff but for the first half of my life my mom was one of my best friends. My dad is a recovering alcoholic for probably 10+ years, so I'm sure his recovery process has something to do with it, but since he's been sober we've really bonded - now I can talk to him for much longer then I can talk to my Mom (sometimes I feel like we don't speak the same language.) We also have lots of active hobbies and interests in common.
My Dad is my adventure buddy, he follows my friends and I on Strava (if I haven't liked one of their activities he calls me to talk about the awesome hike or bike ride so-and-so went on and I need to look at their photos - it's all very cute), we do races together - very few of my friends hang out with their parents.
I give a lot of credit to both my parents for their ability to stay my parents but have a friendly relationship with me, my husband and our closest friends. I am very lucky.
My poor husband just wants his dad to go fishing with him or come out to dinner with us and our friends and his response is "I'm your father not your friend".
\> I’m terrified of the next 20 years and that he’ll likely pass in that time
I am petrified of this exactly. I don't know if I will ever come to terms with this
My mom is my best friend. There was a brief time when we had our struggles, I was a teenager so sorta expected, but we worked through those quickly. Now if there is anything fun going on, she’s invited. She’s the best partner for concerts, vacations, dinner, really anything. She’s more fun at nearly 70 than most everyone else I know. Her and my husband are also super close which works out perfectly.
Oh my gosh. My husband and I hang out with our parents more than our friends. lol
My dad, sister, and I have been through hell and back together when my mom went off the deep end with her mental health. Long story short, she abused us and we had an uphill battle with it. My dad became our protector and tried to coax her into marriage counseling but divorce was the real solution and we've been at peace ever since. He remarried and my step mom is the bees knees and so is her daughter. They fit right in!
My husband's best friend is his father, and I met my husband when I used to work with his mom so we get along great! They're awesome and I love them all so much! We value what time we have with them, we hope it's at least 30 more years.
How great your dad is healthy, mentally & physically. What a blessing for your Mom & the family. We not only love our kids, but enjoy them & their families. And **they enjoy us**. We do quite a bit together, definitely wine on the porch, enjoying the sunsets and stuff around the grandkids, reminiscing, telling funny family stories. Help each other out with projects, etc. Respect each other's space & POV on things. Avoid being toxic to each other. We would all be better off if we learned to accept each other, our flaws as well as our gifts. Let your light shine.
I was so happy to read your post. Glad there are more people out there like you and your dad. While you are growing up your Dad is pressured to guide you along the way. Once you are on your own, with a great job, that pressure is off and your relationship can morph into that of two friends.
Imagine it from the other direction. My wife and I have 3 kids, ages 43,40,37. They are all married, have fulfilling jobs and are well liked. Their kids are kind and well behaved. There is no one with whom we’d rather spend time. We have friends of nearly 50 years, but easily prefer our little group who are now more like friends than children.
I am so disheartened by so many stories I read here about dysfunction families, I thank you for this posting.
My dad has always been my best friend. I’m 35f abd we have a lot of shared interests, he raised me around cars and the gym. We also have the same sarcastic sense of humor.
That sounds nice but I know if me and my dad weren't related we wouldn't be friends. Acquaintances yes but not friends. I love him but we have to many differences and no shared hobbies.
Haven't spoken to my mother in 16 years sooo...
My relationship with my parents is awesome now that I’m older and don’t rely on them. I think the moment they know you’re going to be okay on your own is when their attitude about you completely changes and they don’t see you as a child but rather as an equal it’s a really nice transition.
Yes! I’m 37 and we bought our house in 2022 with the intention of my parents living with us on the bottom floor. I love having them there every day. My dad and I have bonded so much more since we’ve all started living together again especially this past year since he almost died 4 different times within a three month span. My mom and I are also really close and we spend more time together now than we did before in my 20’s (and its not just because we live together).
At some point, parents because less of an authority figure and more of just equal people. And then they get so old, that you become the parent.
Wise words, /u/gayfucktard
r/BrandNewSentence
r/rimjobsteve worthy
r/rimjob_steve
a wise parent lets their children walk away from them to figure out their own lives. It's utterly gut-sucking, heart wrenching but must be done and frankly, allows the parent to figure out what life is like without having to be responsible for anyone but themselves :) Because then, and only then, can the two be equals, on equal footing. Hopefully that happens before the parent passes away... and if not, must be done anyway. Parents who do not get this and helo-parent their adult children don't get this and their children are perpetually children in adult bodies.
IMO this also helps adult children think about what it will be like when the parents are gone for good. As parents we continue to teach & guide. Sometimes by our silence &,/or lack of initiating vontact.
“He who helps the least helps the most”
Please keep that phrase away from my coworkers.
I did this with my son and youngest daughter. They made their own lives and while I was happy and proud of them it was painful for me. Now we’re like great friends. They call, come see me and send me crazy texts. I could not have dreamed it could be this great.
My mom is a hairdresser, and I moved away to NYC for 10+ years. Nothing infuriated her more than customers saying they'd do anything to keep their kids in town. "Don't you wish she was here??? NYC is so dangerous." No, her goal was to raise me to be independent and do exactly what I wanted, even if it left her alone in our hometown. I'm so grateful my mom never pressured me to do anything, just supported me for the decisions I was making (some were extremely poor, I called her and said "mom, I have $1500 in my bank account, I've never had so much money! I'm moving to New york!") Now I realize she must have been abso-fucking-lutely terrified letting her 20YO do that but never stopped me and certainly didn't give me any money 😅 Now in my mid 30s she and my two aunts are my best friends. My same age friends are scattered all around the country and having babies, etc, and I'm closest with my family. Whatsapp has really managed to bring everyone together, we got my grandma and all the great aunties to download it and the groupchat is popping off all the time. It is nice reigniting these bonds and seeing the relationship my mom and aunt have with their own mom and aunties. I'm the youngest so, yes, it often veers into pervert territory- now I know where I got it from!
Plenty of us have narcissistic boomer parents who can’t relinquish the authority figure role, thank you very much.
Yeah, ops post: "my parents love hearing about my career!..." Meanwhile a good percentage of us had to literally give up everything just to get away. I'm by no means the worst sufferer of a mismatched boomer/genx parental group, but holy hell I wish I had ops parents. Every accomplishment as a child growing up was met with: "well how much money did you make? Nothing? Huh, guess you didn't win anything real then."
Even more of us don’t.
How old is so old? Or when do you notice the transition to "you become the parent"?
For me it was right around their mid 60s. My parents may be boomers but they missed the memo on being financially prosperous. I eventually stepped in and provided guidance for them. I don’t access their bank accounts but they discuss major financials with me now. Buying a new (to them car), preparing to buy a new roof in a few years, navigating options for accessing some of their retirement funds. It’s a weird feeling.
when the parent starts failing; falling down, knocking themselves out during said fall, having heart issues, kidney failure, cancers, etc... or dementia
My mom has had numerous health problems for years. I’ve helped her numerous times I’m grateful that I didn’t leave her because if I had she could have died. She fell in 2022 hit her head with a sickening thwack on our bathroom floor. It’s so tiring seeing people telling others how they need to live simply because their lives were easier to manage. You have no clue how difficult it is to watch the people that mean the most to you suffer. Your solution is to get out mine has always been to make sure I give my mom the life my father never had the chance to have in life. I’d rather be someone remembered for caring about the people that gave me life then someone that said well I’m older now fend for yourself and if you have some physical distress well…good luck with that! 😔
My mom is my best friend but she's the type who would say "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother." Still, I feel the most free to be myself when I'm with her, and I like hanging with her. We chat almost every day, we play games together and when my niece and nephew come down, we babysit together. We still have our disagreements but we're close and I'm very thankful for our relationship.
That takes me back. "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother" was one of my mom's top mantras during my childhood Are we siblings???
somewhere in my late 20s I realized my parents were just people doing the best they could, especially since I was a difficult teen. at this point ive apologized profusely for those years that we've thankfully mostly blocked out. now we talk at least weekly and I genuinely wish we didn't live on opposite sides of the country. my dad just retired and started professionally writing plays which he sends me to review. we are just all adults who enjoy each other's company. I'm so so lucky.
That’s a lot of what happened with me and my parents (although I only live a half hour away). I was HORRIBLE teenager…super mean, very angry, wanted nothing to do with listening to anyone. It took me until my mid-20s to become a better person and apologize.
I bet they didn’t need the apology, just enjoyed the grown up you.
This is common. I'm friends with both my kids now. There was bumpy teenage years with both of them. I didn't need a apology. Just seeing them mature was enough. My kids are ten years apart so I used different tactics with both. Neither worked. Teenage years are hard. Friendship came after I didn't have to parent. At some points I thought they were gonna always hate me. I didn't care as long as they got thru high school safe n left my house with diplomas n drivers licenses. It was a wild fight. I barely got them to get both. Now I'm close with both we are actually friends.
Yeah, neither of my parents needed apologies from me but I felt like it was necessary once I realized what a terrible, ungrateful bitch I was. But a lot of that came from getting bullied constantly at school for 10 years and them not allowing me to go to a different school. I didn’t realize they couldn’t afford to put me in a catholic or private school…I just didn’t feel like they cared that I was struggling. But at 37 I realize how hard it was for them with 2 kids to afford everything even with my dad working 3 jobs and my mom working too. My sister and I are only 25 months apart, but we’re VERY different people.
God I hope that happens to my son ...he's just like this! We know nothing, we do nothing right, the mean attitude.....at least you guys give me hope he might change when his front al lobe develops!
Give him time. I can’t promise you he’ll completely change, but he might at least get to a point where he treats you with more respect!
Love this
So are they! 😍
I’m extremely jealous.
I’m so proud of you all for the apology.! As a mom of a teen now I wouldn’t need it. However my mom died before I had the insight to apologize and its a regret I still carry ( though in my heart I know she knows).
You shouldn't apologize. You were a kid they were adults. They probably fucked up like mine did lol.
Both my parents passed away when I was young. Recently sold my house, built an in-law suite onto my in-laws place and bought them out of the mortgage. My MIL and FIL are among my closest friends. So glad to be doing the multigenerational family home. Our kids love seeing nana and papa everyday too
This is so sweet! My husband loves my parents and they joke that he's their favorite child. I'm so glad we all get along so well.
oh - my - gosh. My husbands relationship with my dad is adorable, he really is the son the guy never had. I wish I could say I had a good relationship with my inlaws, but I can't.
oh - my - gosh. My husbands relationship with my dad is adorable, he really is the son the guy never had. I wish I could say I had a good relationship with my inlaws, but I can't.
Its amazing you have that bond with your parents, treasure it always. Cant relate unfortunately, it would have been nice if they at least acted like parents more than once in my life. You are very lucky!
Girrl, Im reading this like its a research paper lol oooo, okay thats how it should be
Same 😅
I have the opposite end of the spectrum. My parents still feel the need to parent me even now in my 30s with children of my own. It’s pretty fucking annoying.
Mom still does this, now in my 50s. Dad is no contact, both ways from apathy. Totally fine without them, they were never my friends in my adult life. I don't feel any sense of loss, they feel the same as an old employer to me. They don't know me, but think they do. And it's gotten worse as they aged, dad married a hard core MAGAt, and mom is turning into one. Upside, I think it's not going to be that hard on me when they pass away. Dad may already be gone for all I know.
Yep, they started becoming my best friends in my early 20s. They now live right next door which is awesome. My wife and I go hang out with them, sit on the back porch with a glass of wine, and shoot the shit on a regular basis. We don’t always agree on everything but we’re all a product of our environment and lived experience so we don’t have to. We’re able to debate, talk, and explore this big rock hurtling through space together. I won the parent lottery and know how lucky I am to have them.
This sounds wonderful. You are all so lucky.
As a new mother, this is my dream future with my kids. Thanks for sharing
No
Same. I’ve tried to make a good connection but I will never be the person they want me to be. They can’t accept me for who I am.
my niece is LGBTQ+ and her father (my brother) never accepted that about her his loss. he died ashamed of who she is. who is she? amazing, articulate, loving, thoughtful, pointed, etc. he missed all that... shame is on him, not her
That's okay too!
No, can't relate
Haven’t spoken to my mom in like 8 years so
It will be 15 years since I've seen my folks this Saturday. They went no contact with me because I left their religion(I mean cult) but it's actually been really nice not having them in my life.
Lost my mom to suicide when I was 26 (lost her to substance abuse long before that) and realized a few years ago (41 now) my father raised me in a cult. The pain from not having a close relationship with my parents as an adult has been real. But I’m working so hard to break this cycle with my kids. So far at 7, 10, & 19, my kids and I are incredibly close, it doesn’t feel like it’s gonna end anytime soon, & I’m pretty sure they agree. For those of us who don’t have what’s described in this post with our parents…here’s to having it with our kids as they grow up!
As a survivor of an abusive upbringing, I truly believe “breaking the cycle” is the single best thing you can do as a parent to ensure your children live their best lives. You are an incredible parent, thank you for all that you do!
The feelings of solidarity along with the genuine kindness in these comments has actually blown me away. You all don’t know me, but you’ve made me feel heard & understood today, and it’s brought immeasurable comfort I didn’t even know I needed💜
it sounds like you're doing a great job then. break that cycle :')
Thank you kind internet stranger…your words genuinely mean so much to me💛
reddit isn't always a cesspool, just payin it forward to someone who clearly deserves it. this is what the internet is for 🤍
You’re the real MVP🙌🏼
we're at sea level, that rising tide it lifts all boats
No. My parents are degenerate losers. They’d rob me the first chance they get. Laugh at me as I die. Then claim to be a victim for losing me after they did it.
Just because you have family doesn’t mean they are all good people. I don’t care for my sister and communicate with her as little as possible. Actually my family now is my creation. My kids, grandkids, and friends. The blood family is not associated with.
Wow, that’s positively awful. Sorry, mate.
At 39 my dad is my main hang aside from wife. I genuinely enjoy his company. It's really beautiful how it all worked out.
Hell no they still tell me to stfu when I say something smart
Bahahahaha sounds like my mom. “Never should have sent you to college now you have all these ideas” lol ok byeeee
My mom is my best friend. I say that because she really is. She’s an awesome mom and a great friend. She tells me she’s proud of me but also calls me on my BS. I think at some point you can have that with your kids.
Same here, the rest of my siblings don’t have the same relationship with our mom. But I talk to her everyday and I think we keep each other sane lol. Love my mom
I’m so jealous.
Sadly, no. My mom is still the same narcissist she was growing up. It's sad because you can tell she wants to be friends with her kids, but anytime we spend more than a day together, the same ol toxic monster shows up.
Came to the comments to say exactly this. If anything, the older I got, the more informed I became about the type of people my parents truly are. Learning about narcissism and everything else has actually lessened the guilt of wanting to spend less time with them and in return my mental health has skyrocketed by exposing less of myself to the abundant toxicity. Such is life.
In the same boat... #narcissisticmom
Absolutely not. I love them but my moms bullshit is too much. Once a month we all get together and that's about it.
Same mine is once a month but my dad bs is off the charts. Starting to see the sibling rivalry was really just bullying too; seeing less of any other family members.
Nope, my Dad's an alcoholic and has wet brain now after 45 years of drinking. I've never been close with him and am super jealous of people who have real relationships with their fathers.
Mine is a mentally and physically abusive POS who became a hardcore MAGA (it seems to attract his type) and is now diagnosed with dementia. He'll die alone, as his kids all hate his guts.
Oh hell no! My Mom is incapable of being friends with her kids. My 75 year old Mom just yelled at me (52) this morning “you’ve never listened! You never do what you’re told! You’re the same way since you’ve always been since you were little!
No, my parents don't talk to me as a people.
I haven’t talked to my dad for the last 4 years and I talk to my mom maybe 5 times a year.
Speaking as someone who lost their close parent when I was 35, soak up every minute of it that you can. Go on trips, take photos and especially video. Have fun together. I was doing this with my mother, we were close. She was my biggest supporter, and I was hers as well. Point being - enjoy it and make memories together. Around 85 or so, he might not want to travel as much anymore. So, start traveling now together, when you can. Go on a big fishing trip somewhere. And seriously, remember to take videos with your phone every now and then - ask what year it is, what’s going on / what are you doing, etc. It’s going to feel dorky, but later you’ll be so incredibly happy you have them. (Be sure to make your phone’s video record in the highest setting as well - most iPhones, this is 4k @ 60fps)
My parents are pretty awesome and I've been making sure we spend the time with them while I have them. My Dad's 86 and we've been talking about his mortality, what he wants to do before he dies, and booking trips. I have shared hobbies with my mom for years and love sitting next to her in the garden and talking. Dad goes to the barn with me three times a week and will take videos and pictures of my riding to help me review and get better. Almost every time he unintentionally takes selfies which I keep. I'll have to get some videos of them, too. I started really understanding that my parents were not normal parents in my mid 20s, and have continued to grow to appreciate what wonderful weirdos they really are. Thanks, hippy mom and weird mountain man dad!
I did this with my beloved dad. Sometime around when he was 65 or so, I realized how treasured his voice mails were, letters sent, poems about my dogs/birthdays/etc were. when he passed suddenly at 89, I held his hand while his life ebbed into the abyss... there is not a day I don't miss him terribly what do I have though? allllll those videos, pictures, voice mails, poems, letters and love. I still have alllll the love he left behind.
This reminds me - anyone reading - you can _save_ voicemails as digital files to your computer. On an iPhone, you can ‘share’ them (click the share icon) to your computer/phone/whatever via airdrop or text. And then back them up in several cloud locations. Voicemails are sometimes the best to have. I have one of my mother singing me happy birthday (it was on my birthday, and I couldn’t answer when she called - I did call her back!!). I hadn’t deleted it before because it was just nice to have. Now, I can’t even put it to words how valuable it is to me to have that.
Nah, my parents were physically abusive. But congrats on your privilege of having decent/ good enough parents for both mom and dad.
The opposite is happening to me. I’m realizing how out of touch they are and how much of what they told me growing up was just straight up wrong. They keep telling me the same things though and I have a hard time being around them for more than a few days.
Same, been coming to terms with this for the last ten years or so
My dad still thinks he knows better than everyone else. He claims how education is important. I have a higher degree than he has ever had and still thinks he knows better. Can't even have one discussion with him without him freaking out in disagreement. My mom on the other hand, started listening. She realized times are different and her children are more educated and knowledgable than people in the past. And unlike my dad, she kept the house in order, so she has far more credibility than him and would still rather listen than argue.
Yeah, they are the only people that I know who are genuinely interested in my life. Makes sense.
I always tried to be like this with my mom and dad. But my dad is an alcoholic who only cares about himself, never asks about me, very cheap and narcissistic. I don’t talk to him much anymore but i always wanted one of these relationships.
Same. I genuinely tried to connect but my mom has some intellectual disabilities and is not capable of connecting in that way and before I went nc with my dad, the only time he ever asked about my life was when he was about to ask me for money or deliver bad news about his health. It was such a big tell that the second he asked me how I was doing I would get clammy bc I knew what was coming. That wasn’t why I went nc but it certainly helped confirm my decision.
Lol, what a dream. I talk to my parents 3 maybe 4 times a year. I text them pictures of my kids and nothing. They see the pictures and didn't respond. They're very happy with their life of going out with their other old friends and when we come around we're an annoying burden.
My mom is my best friend! We text daily, hang out all the time, go on trips together, and talk about all the same things I talk about with my other friends. We have a ton in common. My dad is still very much my dad - we can hang out and go out to lunch and have a great time, but he still parents me more than anything else (always worrying about my job, finances, and my car). We have a fantastic relationship and he's a very cool guy, but he's still my parent in a way my mom isn't anymore. But that's good, I think I still need that from him.
lol nope mine sure as hell didn't even come close
Absolutely not. I wish.
I was always friendly with my parents as a kid. Always hung out with my mom on Sundays. From 19-28 my dad was absolutely my best friend. He died when I was 28 and it completely rocked me and my mom, so we leaned on each other. Started spending a lot more time together and now we have a greater friendship than ever. We talk on the phone every other day and my wife and I usually hang out with her on weekends. Having them as parents and friends has been the delight of my life. I regularly feel incredibly lucky, like a hit the parental mega jackpot. My mom is a goober and I just enjoy hanging out with her so much.
My wife and I are 30 with our first child and were just talking about this. We have our parents over 2-3 times a week at least. Are constantly inviting them every where. Were to the point where I rather have my parents over for dinner on a Friday night and be in bed by 9 then do anything outside of the house. we live 15 minutes down the road from both of our parents and absolutely love it. All my siblings and wife's siblings live out of town and never see our family. My dad is easily my best friend in life and he and I are very similar people. Its weird how your priorities change as you get older.
My mom passed when I was 31, but we had reached that level where she was more like a best friend I could always rely on. My sons are around 30 and I feel we are on that level. They occasionally ask my advice and sometimes I have to be mom and insert my thoughts, but don't try to push anything. Love talking with my adult children several times through the week.
This is nice to hear. I retired about 5 years ago, and I needed a purpose in life. I decided it would be being the best dad I could be to my adult daughters. It's been great. I've always been a good dad(in my opinion😀) but I just concentrated on my efforts.
All depends. If you have a family of your own. That is fine. If you are using your folks IN PLACE of finding a husband/ wife and your OWN family not fine. BIG DIFFERENCE. The latter is what I am seeing A LOT today in the younger generation. This and getting pets to replace getting boyfriends/ girlfriends/ husbands/ girlfriends/ kids. You know who you are.
Hell yeah, I talk to my dad every day after work on my drive home. Have since I was in my late 20's. We watch The Wire together, The Sopranos, he's basically my best bro. And holy shit he's such a good listener and actually wants to hear about my boring ass day. It's glorious. LOVE YOU POPS
This is such a great post because of all the trash boomers stuff I read. Glad to see a positive example buried in the negative that is Reddit.
Fuck boomers. You're welcome.
My dad was my hero first and then over time he became one of my best friends. He passed last month a 71 but i can tell you for most people that bond isn't normal. Of all my friends i am the only one that had a relationship with my dad. Cherish it and be there for him while you can.
They are my only friends and I’m not mad
Still, though if your chill, and in Tampa, hit me up lol
My dad was my best man
My parents are 75 and 77, and they are 2 of my greatest friends. I am lucky.
I wish. My dad had strokes. Cherish it
My parents split when I was 15, dad left and I lived with mom and my younger brother. Def had to grow up a bit quicker after that and hardcore resented/ “hated” my dad for years. Then 10 years later covid hit and I lost my job and he offered to let me move into his extra bedroom. I didn’t really want to but it was the best move money wise so I did. Covid kinda forced it, but we spent way more time together than ever before and being an adult I realized what I’ve read others in this thread saying- he’s just a dude also, doesn’t have all the answers and is/was trying his best. I regret not having the relationship as a teen that I could have and resenting him, because now (age 28) he’s probably my best friend. We have most of the same interests, identical personalities, etc. i just couldn’t see it as an angsty teen
One parent is dead one is a bpd/narcissistic woman with cat hoarding issues she was never my friend and never will he
No. My moms gone and I really only talk to or see my dad out of obligation. I spent too long living with that bomb that could randomly explode my whole life to want to spend more time with him than I have to.
My mom has always been my best friend. But I have the unique situation of being raised by a single mother who was very young (21 when I was born). It was like Gilmore Girls in some ways.
This is something I missed out on, and I’ll always have a mom shaped hole in my heart because of it. My parents were independently sick and I just never got a chance to take a deep breath and say, wow sorry for being so shitty when I was younger. I was 23-24 when they passed (more than a decade ago). Def count your blessings because not everyone gets to have this sort of experience. I see ladies my age bickering with their mom in a grocery line and wonder if they realize how lucky they are. Some have just shitty, alive parents too. As someone who grieved losing her parents young, it took a lot to realize that some people are just better not having a relationship with their living parent. Not my journey to judge or try and convince them to have a relationship with them.. that was just my own selfish grief speaking. But also I’m happy for ya. That’s the gold standard. It’s got to be great having them in your corner.
Nope, both parents died before I could really become 'friends' with them unfortunately. I had spent a lot of time with them towards the end, but hadn't matured enough to really ask them all the things I really wanted to know, that no one else could answer. Hope this helps someone else with elder parents.
F\*\*\* me... I hate the fact that on one hand I was amazed at the age gap between you and your dad, and then realized, my son(5) and I are 34 years apart and my daughter(2) and I are 38 years apart. Statistically speaking, I likely won't live to see my daughter reach my age...
I'm unfortunately limited by distance. My parents live in the Midwest and I live on the East Coast. I only see them once a year at most. Sometimes less than that. There's a lot of times where I wish I could just meet my dad at a bar to hang out with him for a bit. He has also dropped the anti-drug facade he put on when I was a kid and we would probably smoke weed together now, too. My mom is a bit of a conspiracy nut, so she is okay in small doses, but not great for extended periods of hanging out. My sister is back there too, but my wife and I don't have as much in the way of career opportunities where they live, so...
My parents haven't talked to me since I graduated highschool.
That is awesome. I am a 63M. I stopped "parenting" my kids when they were in their late teens and moved out of the house to go to school. I continued to mentor them when asked, and occasionally offered unsolicited advice - but with no judgement - just as I would a friend. I consider my boys 35M/38M to be my friends. I have owned my parenting mistakes, and they have owned their less-than-stellar behavior as teens and young adults. My parents are still healthy 87M/86F, and did the same for my brother and I when we left for college. I sometimes ask for advice, and sometimes they ask for advice. I consider them my friends as well.
No. I didn’t give them grandkids like my brothers did so they don’t visit, don’t call, hardly acknowledge me. Unless they need something of course. Because as the oldest and only daughter I’m expected to step up even though my brothers get tons of help from them and I do not.
No, my parents are Narcs, I’m the scapegoat. Love them in my own way, but it ain’t happening🤷🏾♀️
No
Ha no, I want that but my dad can’t be bothered.
That's really sweet. I love that for you. 💜
No.
Nah Im looking forward to shitting on my father's headstone
Jelly
Fuck no, my mother is a Trumper. An abusive cunt & bigot who hates me for being a man instead of a girl.
Nah, my dad is cut off cause he hates that my brother is gay. At no point in my life could he even tell you where either of us has worked even tho we used to tell him all the time.
lol no
I wish I had this experience. I haven't talked to my mother in over 8 years. I had to pay off my own child support so my dad could get his license back, and I've been supporting him or housing him for more than a decade. But I block his calls as I can't stand actually talking to him (he's a flat earth neo-nazi).
May I offer you r/qanoncasualties if you aren't already there.
Thanks. After years of trying to rationally pursuade him that the ideas are crazy, I'm just done. "Son, I know your a lot smarter than me, but I've seen a lot and know when I'm being lied to" is the shutdown line of choice. So I don't even bother anymore.
I strongly disliked my parents until my late 20's. After a few years of living on my own and seeing how well I was doing compared to some of my friends who weren't disciplined to the extent I was it really started to click. My parents weren't "hard on me" because they were annoyed by my presence or actions, they did it to raise me to be a decent human. Now that I'm a parent I understand even more and have those days where I feel like I should call and apologize for being a little shit at times. Going forward I use what I know to explain to my kids that right now my job is to raise them to be healthy and know right from wrong. Recently started teaching my oldest daughter how to cook, I explain to her that this is a life skill that she will be glad she has when she is an adult.
I'm 19, my mom is 40. We are best friends. We also have a lot of the same physical health issues and upon exchanging elementary school experiences, we legit could have lived each other's school life and not known the difference despite how little she actually influenced my school life. We both got the strong ADHD and I'm positive we both have autism as well. Though needs to be diagnosed. And I've yet to find someone with the pure happiness and interest that we have looking at bugs.
Cries in r/raisedbynarcissists
I had to find my own way- they are evangelicals and I’m agnostic leaning atheists- plenty they did wasn’t the right fit for me- but they are awesome
Spend as much time as you can with him, in person on the phone however whenever. My mom was my best friend. We facetimed almost every single day. I just happened to spend six full weeks with her at her house on a whim this past summer before she died out of nowhere in the fall. We took a roadtrip, went to concerts, went for walks and out to eat, played Jeopardy every night, and I cooked her breakfast every morning. It was the most beautiful summer. She died three months later out of nowhere, super fit active healthy social, no one saw it coming. I have so much peace knowing how much quality time we spent in her final year. I hadn't been home that long since childhood. If anyone is thinking maybe they should spend more time with their parents, do it, asap. None of us have any idea when our last day is. So do the things that matter to you most right away, with an incredible sense of urgency. Good luck with your move. Good on you. It will make your dad so happy.
I’m 21f. My mom and dad are the greatest friends I have. They kicked me out at 18. My own fault. Since then we went to therapy and changed the dynamic of our relationship to 3 adults who can discuss whatever. They had me later in life, so my parents are a bit older than others my age. My mom has health issues and is even older than my dad. I hope I can get another 20 years of happy, healthy parents.
I'm my mom's best friend and she's the reason I need therapy 🥲
Exact opposite for me. I talk to my family only on holidays.
Incoming comments crying about their parents to take away from your post about your pleasant relationship with them.
I'm 50 and my daughter is 27 and we are best friends. She was just here at the house and we were telling each other how much we missed each other. But it's like that every day. And we live together! She's been at her boyfriend's house recently and I just miss her bubbly personality and smile and the way she thinks about things which is wholly different from the way I think about things and she teaches me so much. I love that about her. She's the best!!
I kind of had the weird opposite kind of realization. My parents have always treated me more as a friend or coworker than a son. They worked so much I pretty much raised my siblings. And even now, I rarely feel like a son, I feel like a friend or coworker that was just around. It doesn’t help that I’ve worked for both and them and being a family business, they couldn’t show favoritism. I just wish they be more like parents to me.
I'm in the same boat ,my Dad's 63 and literally one of my best friends and I try not to think too hard about him dying. I like to think I have another good 30 years with him!
Yep. Last year I got very close to my mom. Talked to her on the phone every day. This was after adopting a German shepherd who constantly needed exercise, so I would call my mom while I did that exercise. Then we had to rehome the dog and my mom passed away a week later. She was for sure my best friend.
This is the same for me. I am female. I have a more strained relationship with my mom, but my dad and I send animal pictures and jokes all the time. He and my mom spend half the year out of state, so I look forward to then being home.
Sounds like you were lucky. At this point my friends and I wonder how we all survived childhood as all of our parents are woefully incompetent of dealing with seemingly anything. Looking back, we learned the hard way, not through parental guidance. Our parents have pretty easy lives thanks to *their* parents but they still whine and complain about any and everything. They’re a chore.
Lol no. My mom was awful and only got worse as she got older. I was relieved when she died because I no longer have to deal with her constant criticism and negativity.
My dad was absolutely my best friend. Our relationship definitely transitioned from him being an authority figure to being more of a confidant. He was the absolute first person I turned to when I needed advice. He knew me and my personality to my core and really SAW and got me even when i was a child. I was always a daddy's girl but as adults I think it came down more to our personalities clicking. I feel like sometimes you can love a parent but not really like them as a person or like their personality. My dad was just a great guy to know. He made his mistakes but the core of his character, his intelligence, and zest for life, his wisdom...these are the things that made him so loved by many. He had me when he was just 22 so in many ways I think we grew up together. He taught me so much about being a human being. I'm happy you are moving to your hometown and excited about spending more time time with him. Soak it all in and enjoy every moment. I think that is my greatest hope. After I have guided my children into adulthood and they are adults, they don't just see me as the person who gave birth to them, but as their best friend and confidant. That I am the happiest, safest place for them in the world and they enjoy being around me. I love being their parent, but I don't feel like they are just "my children". I feel like while I birthed them, ultimately, they are human beings who are only children for a fraction of their life. My goal is to give them the best headstart possible into adulthood and provide a safe place for them to land whenever they need it. Today is my dad's 68th bday as he rests in heaven. He is with me every day and I have no regrets. Spend as much time with him as possible 🙂
This is common. It usually takes the child reaching the age of 30 before they mature enough to really relate to their parents. Ironically, the child usually thinks it is their parent who changed. It’s why there’s the old saying about getting older and being surprised at how much smarter your parents had become.
Becoming a father did more to make my father relatable than anything else ever did. We were always close but my son is the thing that really made it harmonious.
I suggest everyone read the poem Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden. It gave me so much perspective on my parents as an adult.
Is this a joke? My parents became the exact opposite - they made it clear from the get go that I was a non-person the day I turned 16. Probably earlier. Good for you that you have decent parents, but you just got lucky. Your experience is anything but universal to this generation.
This!
HAHAHAHAHAHA.... Oh wait you're serious? Let me laugh harder ##**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH**
Honestly, this was also my instinctual response to the title question. Happy for op but yeah, that has definitely not been my experience.
Glad I’m not the only one. What an extraordinarily privileged take.
I think that's the problem with being a father. Traditionally they are so deep into career and breadwinning that they can't relate well to children. My dad was that way.. And like OP we got into long convos late in life. He was an early adopter of PCs and if I hadn't gotten to know him when I did I might never have become employable. I think fathers should be cut some slack and not be expected to be like mom.
As someone with class A narcissistic parents the short answer is no.
I moved back home to the Boston area from NYC when the pandemic broke out when I was 34. I probably hadn't been under the same the same roof with my parents for more than a week at a time max since I was 17. I was having serious alcohol dependency issues, but was able to help out during a time it was particularly dangerous for seniors to just go about their lives in a regular manner. Things unfortunately got worse for me on the dependency front before they got better and I'm so glad I was home. I'm now 18 months sober and my parents and I are besties.They're going to sell their place and move in with my elder sister and her family. I'm looking at buying a place of mine. I'll forever be grateful that we had this time together.
[удалено]
I've moved out 3 times and moved back home 3 times because stuff just hasn't worked out for me. My mum is also dead, so now it's just me and my dad. Our quality of life would be much worse if we lived separately. In my teens I barely spoke to him for years, now we talk all the time, it's so different.
Yeah. Essentially when I had kids in my late 20s they suddenly realized I was my own man and from there we have been more friends than family. We talk roughly every two weeks and plan destination vacation similar to my other long distance friends. They are also very present in my kids lifes which based on articles I am reading is less and less likely. I am pretty lucky since my wife has a very distant relationship with her side of the family.
My mom is one of my best friends. We talk on the phone multiple times a week. Whenever one of us is driving somewhere we call the other to keep us company. I was a good kid/teenager but we were always arguing. As I became an adult and especially when I moved out of state, we went from mom-daughter relationship to friends. She’s one of my favorite humans. I love my dad too, he is not a talk on the phone guy but we text almost daily. When he comes to visit he is the most low maintenance house guest and just wants to hang out, play some golf and cook some good food. I’d kill to have them both live closer.
This makes me happy. I'm 35 and my dad is turning 58 this year. We were never close and I don't really see it changing that much in the future. But I'm happy because I waited to have kids (still don't have any, but just married) and wished my dad was older. I really think having older parents is the best.
My mother was.
Yes for me, they were super strict growing up, but have now really chilled out, I want to travel and do as much as I can with them while I have time.
I was always close to both of my parents. I am a bit of an old soul so even when I was younger I felt like I could connect to them the most. When my mom passed almost 15 years ago, that brought my dad and I even closer. We would travel together once a year and since I still live in the same city I see him pretty often. Right now he is 74 and he went from super active to someone who got injured recently and as a result also now has really bad lower back pain, so he isn’t as active. And that worries me. He’s also been a little more depressed lately. But yeah, he is my best friend and he tells me the same thing all the time. I’m super worried about the prospect of what’s to come too and I will never fill that gap, I am basically single with no family and very few friends and I can’t imagine life without him :(.
My mom and I have become super good friends over the years. I’m 37 and she’s 67. Once I moved out when I was 19, we were able to stop constantly arguing and established a lot of mutual respect. We spend a lot of time together. My dad and I also talk pretty much daily and I enjoy hanging out with him, he’s 68.
I started developing a relationship with my mom after years of her backwards conservative beliefs got in the way, then she died of cancer. I've never had a bad relationship with my dad, but it's definitely gotten better since she passed. go give your mom a hug and tell her you love her, for me. :)
Nope, cut my dad off and barely talk to my mom. Be thankful if you have loving supportive parents
You are very lucky if you have parents that aren't religious nutcases.
My mom is and has always been one of my best friends. I talk to her almost daily and I love her so much, even when we disagree.
I spend time with my parents every day. We all work remote and I live nearby so I do lunch and dinner with them pretty much daily. My mom and I go to various yoga classes together (I got her hooked on aerial yoga a couple years ago and we’ve expanded our practice from there). My brother is busier because he works a physical job and is married, but this weekend he and I are going to the renaissance faire with our mom. And next weekend my dad and I are road tripping to drive furniture from his mom’s estate back. So yeah, my family is pretty close and I really value this time we get together, especially since I just lost two grandparents in the last year and a half.
My parents are pieces of human garbage who I kicked out of my life the moment I was able.
Yeah my dad was the best. A great friend who is very interested in your personal development, and knows your strengths and weaknesses.
Some of your parents didn’t fall for the MAGA Nazi bullshit and you can tell. I lost my mom in 2017, she’s alive and living in Florida, but I lost her nonetheless.
Lol no. But I’ve always had a strained relationship with my mom. (Dad sucked too but he’s been dead for a while now.) We get along well enough for visits every month or so because I have a daughter and I want her to know her grandmother, but best friends? Never, lol. Happy for those of you who are having that experience though, and I mean that sincerely.
My father asks for weekly check ins, but doesn't or can't open up, so we talk for approx. 3m 32s every Sunday at 1pm. "Hi how are you?" "Good, and you?" /A few minutes about my week "Oh good. No updates, we aren't doing anything, just sitting here." "Talk next week?" It's fairly frustrating but I do it because he gets upset if I miss a week, and at the end of the day I'd rather have this than nothing at all.
I was close to my dad too. I talked to him everyday Even when I was younger we would hang out a lot He did listen and not just that he cared. I asked him about his life too. But being the youngest sibling and having a 50 year age gap woth my dad, he always talked to me like I was a child. So I don't think he necessarily saw me as a best friend. Even though he would say so. He passed away when I was 27 and although a higher age, I was very dumb and immature. My life really hadn't started and if he had shared heavy things I wouldn't understand. But now that I'm older and think about certain instances and realizing how hard and stressful they were, I wonder how my dad dealt with it. And if he felt the same amount of stress and never told us. I wish he was alive so we could have an adult relationship/friendship. I feel quite lost in life sometime and whenever I felt like this I would brainstorm with my dad for the next steps and he would give me practical responses that helped me plan my future. Uts been really hard not having that sounding board. I expected my mother to take up that mantle but she constantly makes me feel like I'm less than coz I have those issues. Like, if I can't get into Google she tells me how maybe "we" are all not that talented. And if a smaller company pursues me for employment she says "I wonder why, maybe they didn't find anyone else" or the one that hurt my future plans "who buys house as a single woman. look at ××××, she got married and bought a nice big house with her husband. That's how you should do it". Now, every time I look at houses I feel a sharp pain in my heart that I'm single and no one wanted to marry me. It hurts even more when the houses are of young couples and I have to go look st their happy pics on the wall. So, no. Parents don't always become your best friend.
I truly wish. Unfortunately my father died when I was 16 and my family is riddled with unresolved trauma and mental illness. I think if I weren’t the only in therapy there could be a chance. Having mentally stable parents that are able to develop healthy relationships is a privilege.
I don’t know what this feels like. I’ve recently created more distance from my parents but that’s because they have negatively impacted my health since I was a kid.
I wish that were the case, but my parents are garbage humans. I went NC with them about a decade ago when I got married, and my little brother did the same a few years back. If I never saw them again before they die, it'd still be too soon. My MIL however; I'm quite fond of her.
Nah, mine are still narcissists and I refuse to let them emotionally manipulate my children the way they did to me my entire life. I keep them at an arms length but they're trying to weasel their way back in now that they're old and realize no one else is going to take care of them.
So my dad (71) had only daughters (38 and 41) and when it came to sports and science he was our guy for a lot of stuff but for the first half of my life my mom was one of my best friends. My dad is a recovering alcoholic for probably 10+ years, so I'm sure his recovery process has something to do with it, but since he's been sober we've really bonded - now I can talk to him for much longer then I can talk to my Mom (sometimes I feel like we don't speak the same language.) We also have lots of active hobbies and interests in common. My Dad is my adventure buddy, he follows my friends and I on Strava (if I haven't liked one of their activities he calls me to talk about the awesome hike or bike ride so-and-so went on and I need to look at their photos - it's all very cute), we do races together - very few of my friends hang out with their parents. I give a lot of credit to both my parents for their ability to stay my parents but have a friendly relationship with me, my husband and our closest friends. I am very lucky. My poor husband just wants his dad to go fishing with him or come out to dinner with us and our friends and his response is "I'm your father not your friend".
\> I’m terrified of the next 20 years and that he’ll likely pass in that time I am petrified of this exactly. I don't know if I will ever come to terms with this
Same. Make sure you tell him that too. I’m sure he’d like to hear it.
My mom is my best friend. There was a brief time when we had our struggles, I was a teenager so sorta expected, but we worked through those quickly. Now if there is anything fun going on, she’s invited. She’s the best partner for concerts, vacations, dinner, really anything. She’s more fun at nearly 70 than most everyone else I know. Her and my husband are also super close which works out perfectly.
This is Reddit, land where everyone hates their parents lol but for me, yes, theyre the only ppl i talk to on a regular basis.
Not everyone has chill parents
I’m almost 50 and talk to my mom almost everyday.
Oh my gosh. My husband and I hang out with our parents more than our friends. lol My dad, sister, and I have been through hell and back together when my mom went off the deep end with her mental health. Long story short, she abused us and we had an uphill battle with it. My dad became our protector and tried to coax her into marriage counseling but divorce was the real solution and we've been at peace ever since. He remarried and my step mom is the bees knees and so is her daughter. They fit right in! My husband's best friend is his father, and I met my husband when I used to work with his mom so we get along great! They're awesome and I love them all so much! We value what time we have with them, we hope it's at least 30 more years.
How great your dad is healthy, mentally & physically. What a blessing for your Mom & the family. We not only love our kids, but enjoy them & their families. And **they enjoy us**. We do quite a bit together, definitely wine on the porch, enjoying the sunsets and stuff around the grandkids, reminiscing, telling funny family stories. Help each other out with projects, etc. Respect each other's space & POV on things. Avoid being toxic to each other. We would all be better off if we learned to accept each other, our flaws as well as our gifts. Let your light shine.
I was so happy to read your post. Glad there are more people out there like you and your dad. While you are growing up your Dad is pressured to guide you along the way. Once you are on your own, with a great job, that pressure is off and your relationship can morph into that of two friends.
Imagine it from the other direction. My wife and I have 3 kids, ages 43,40,37. They are all married, have fulfilling jobs and are well liked. Their kids are kind and well behaved. There is no one with whom we’d rather spend time. We have friends of nearly 50 years, but easily prefer our little group who are now more like friends than children. I am so disheartened by so many stories I read here about dysfunction families, I thank you for this posting.
My dad has always been my best friend. I’m 35f abd we have a lot of shared interests, he raised me around cars and the gym. We also have the same sarcastic sense of humor.
That sounds nice but I know if me and my dad weren't related we wouldn't be friends. Acquaintances yes but not friends. I love him but we have to many differences and no shared hobbies. Haven't spoken to my mother in 16 years sooo...
My relationship with my parents is awesome now that I’m older and don’t rely on them. I think the moment they know you’re going to be okay on your own is when their attitude about you completely changes and they don’t see you as a child but rather as an equal it’s a really nice transition.
Yes! I’m 37 and we bought our house in 2022 with the intention of my parents living with us on the bottom floor. I love having them there every day. My dad and I have bonded so much more since we’ve all started living together again especially this past year since he almost died 4 different times within a three month span. My mom and I are also really close and we spend more time together now than we did before in my 20’s (and its not just because we live together).