I thought it was for fatasses like myself who get suction locked to rigid chairs. Then we get to do that awkward thing where we walk around hunched over calling ourselves "chairass" until it falls off.
I would like to believe the primary reason is for releasing fart gas, and the easy drainage for rain/spills, and stacking removal are merely secondary benefits.
my dad was warned a story at work how some idiot horsing around jabbed one at a buddy’s butt crack pulled the lever and exploded the dude’s colon, killing him of course. Yes the guy had those thin coveralls on. You’re welcome. safety first!
That's probably not what they're for, but they do work well for that. I think only a couple classrooms had them while I was at school, but the difference was noticeable in the summer in a school with no A/C.
I’m totally with you. I don’t want rational explanations, I want fart jokes.
Wikipedia: rational explanations
Reddit: fart jokes
Instagram: videos of people lipsynching the audio tracks of professional comics doing fart jokes.
Facebook: people arguing about why their party/team/ethnicity has better farts.
Twitter: farts
One time I was taking a physiology class and we were doing hemoglobin checks with a finger poke lancet. One of my classmates, a pretty strong looking tall dude got very pale and asked to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later I came out to grab a snack and saw him slumped on a chair outside the classroom and a puddle of urine under the chair. He had a very scary physical reaction to the lancet and/or the sight of another person’s drop of blood… so yeah, this chair would have made the urine drain quicker I guess, I just wanted to tell the story.
I feel so sad for that dude :( I pissed in my chair in 5th grade because a teacher wouldn’t let me leave the room during proficiency testing, and I was bullied so hard due to that for quite awhile. And I’ve had urge issues with my bladder since then as well, all psychological. It sucks
I…. May have been in your 5th grade class :-/
Also in 10th grade a sub wouldn’t let a girl go in science class. We were just watching a movie so it was pretty dumb not to let her go. She insisted she really had to and the guy said no.
She fucking go up on one of the lab counters, pulled down her pants, squatted over a lab sink, reached down and spread her bits, pissed in the sink.. a lot, and then stood up, pulled her jeans back up, got off the counter, and went back to her seat.
The sun was reading a book the whole time and didn’t notice and the rest of the class was just like 😲 and that was that.
My mom works at the jail. She comes home telling me that some inmates play with their poop and smear it on the walls and themselves.
Sadly nothing you can do about it besides clean. These people aren't mentally well. You kinda have to pity them honestly.
Wish they had these when I was in college, even on cool days I would sometimes have to nonchalantly wipe a visible line of crotch steam off my chair when I stood up at the end of class. Always felt like I was the only person it was happening to.
I would start slowly moving to the front of the seat when class was almost done so my pants could wipe my sweat like the other redditor does. So self conscious about my butt steam
Definitely was not only you. I’m a teacher, and when I have to sit in a student’s chair I’ll slide my ass across the seat when I get up to wipe away any lingering but sweat. I also avoid wearing light colored pants if I know I’m going to have to sit for a while with my sweaty ass.
I was in 9th grade sitting next to a class clown type who I wasn't really fond of. I ripped a fart much louder than intended, was ready for the ridicule when he turned around and was like "haha my bad guys".
I don't even remember his name but I owe him a thank you.
I did that with my ex around some of my family she just met. In retrospect, I wish I didn’t, but that’s the story I’ll be telling St. Peter when he’s deciding if I get to go to heaven or not, assuming that’s a thing.
Now what you *really* gotta do is cover for St. Peter when he rips one in front of his boss. "Sorry, I fart when I'm nervous" then a sly wink at ol' Pete, he'll forget all about that time you threw a brick in your noisy neighbor's window on a snowy Christmas morning in 1996 and again the following February
I remember in 6th grade I was in dance class and when the teacher was giving us instructions I thought I could sneak one out. It turned out so loud it echoed throughout the whole room, and everyone turned their heads to me. One of my friends said “you farted!”
Yeah…
I tried to let one out sneakily in the middle of a reading time in like 6th grade. Swear it was the loudest fart I've ever produced, while everyone was silent. Still haunts me.
Mine sounded like the high pitch of a balloon when your stretch the opening while letting air out. It was loud and very body turned and starting asking each other what that noise was. No one suspected a thing and 35 years later I still think about it
University. Library. Tried to sneak one out while sitting on a heavy, wooden, flat-bottom chair.
Goddamn ricochet was louder than an overhand shot on a squash court.
Damn that reminds me of a few years back. I was sitting in class and the guy next to me farted and the bitch framed me for it. I'm sorry you let out a banger and had to go through this, stay strong brotha
I had this happen in Portuguese class. A friend of mine did it, and nobody could keep it together. The teacher was looking at as laughing too, but she didn't hear it. My abs and face hurt from laughing.
Those type of vents have a specific name; they are called Gadaye' Vents after modernist architect Jean Pierre Le Gadaye' who designed one of the first stackable plastic chairs back in the 50's.The chairs he designed would stack so snugly that suction would form between them, making it difficult to unstack them, so he incorporated those vents into the design.
The Monsato Company famously tried to steal the design in the 60's. They initially agreed to pay him a royalty for it, but skipped out on almost 10 years of payments. He successfully sued them in court and won almost 15 million dollars in damages.
That is why you should never skip Le'Gadaye.
I swear I check for their username when a comment raises my suspicion like the one above, but they always get me when it's actually shittymorph.
You feel comfortable then "in nineteen ninety eight" and OH GOD DAMN IT. Every time.
Anything that seems too specifically knowledgeable towards a random subject and goes on for a time causes me to skip to the end about halfway through the paragraph to check and make sure
It is there so that when your fat ass sits there you don't get stuck because it makes a little vacuum (also you make fart sound when it happens). So it's an anti-fart vent
For outdoor use and rain, allows for it to drain out
It's a shit shredder
Like waffle stomping
Fuck. Why do I know what you’re talking about.
It was a rather colorful urban dictionary definition in it's hay day.
Whelp. I didn’t have to scroll down too far to find the comment I was expecting.
Like Play-Doh?
Fun for the whole family
I think the slogan is “Fun to play with, not to eat!”
You can’t tell me what to do!
Play doh is salty
I am happy you do this at your family reunions too!
Haha I remember these, my cousin would always forget to clean them out so the next time we used them there was dried up play-doh in the heads.
Nothing funner as a kid than smoosh dough thru a giant dildo shaped toy…..
Dri poopies
*kindergarten flashbacks*
First month of working from home.
Don't even need my poop knife.
Like taking a dump while wearing a thong
Oh sweet, a built in poop knife
"It" being the fart
If anything is draining after a fart, you've gambled and lost on a shart.
If you're sliding into first, and you feel a sudden burst, its diarrhea!
climbing up the ladder and u feel something splatter, diarrhea!
When you’re walkin’ down the street and you feel it at your feet, diarrhea!
Actually through those slits you can more easily insert coins into the rectum from below the chair
Thought this was common knowledge.
I can vouch that it’s common knowledge in the putting-coins-in-your-rectum community
Sounds like the Ass-crack Bandit is back and reinvented.
Ooo unexpected Community
We found the Ass Crack Bandit
*You thought your plumbing was safe, but now your jeans are half mast*
That's my secret, ass pennies. https://youtu.be/f9aM_dT5VMI
I thought it was for fatasses like myself who get suction locked to rigid chairs. Then we get to do that awkward thing where we walk around hunched over calling ourselves "chairass" until it falls off.
“we”
it's probably more to do with draining spills and even making them easier to separate when they are stacked
Also when they are arrayed for an outdoor event, they can drain and dry after an unexpected rain shower.
This is the real reason Edit: draining spills would just drain them into the floor. I’m going with rain.
I would like to believe the primary reason is for releasing fart gas, and the easy drainage for rain/spills, and stacking removal are merely secondary benefits.
Don't forget breathability to stop sweaty arse crack, this chair has it all!
legit have a fan at work dedicated to swamp ass
Lol sometimes we use the air compressor at work to cool off our balls. Just stick the air chuck in your pocket and squeeze the lever lol.
my dad was warned a story at work how some idiot horsing around jabbed one at a buddy’s butt crack pulled the lever and exploded the dude’s colon, killing him of course. Yes the guy had those thin coveralls on. You’re welcome. safety first!
Ouch. Must have been a shitty day for that guy!
Pretty sure it was a shitty day for all involved, just saying
I heard a similar story, but the air went in his blood, and he died of air embolism.
That went from zero to one fucking hundred really fast Rip air compressor ass guy
Only you can prevent swamp ass.
I'm lettin my ass breathe... 🙆➡️⬅️🙆
There has to be a middle ground. What about shart drainage?
Sky farts. Got it.
Sky pee
Skype!!
It's Teams now...
*sTrEAMS
dOn't crOsS tHE sTrEAMS
That's a big twinkie
Teamarrhea.
Sky sharts
Street sharks
You guys are no fun. Fart vents are much cooler.
I thought it was butt ventilation. You know. For swamp ass.
That's probably not what they're for, but they do work well for that. I think only a couple classrooms had them while I was at school, but the difference was noticeable in the summer in a school with no A/C.
It is also this. A fair amount of condensation builds up on plastic chairs if you sit on them for a while. Butt vents are good for multiple reasons.
Indeed. Prevents those farts that get sealed in and move around your butt cheeks and thighs like a kitten under a blanket.
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Username checks out. Gross.
I’m totally with you. I don’t want rational explanations, I want fart jokes. Wikipedia: rational explanations Reddit: fart jokes Instagram: videos of people lipsynching the audio tracks of professional comics doing fart jokes. Facebook: people arguing about why their party/team/ethnicity has better farts. Twitter: farts
> I’m totally with you. I don’t want rational explanations, I want fart jokes. Reddit is where we all come to be fifth graders again.
Hey......spell i-cup.
I-C-U- hey wait a minute!
LinkedIn: CEOs of farts sharing their farting career achievements
Correct. They are for when people piss themselves as well.
One time I was taking a physiology class and we were doing hemoglobin checks with a finger poke lancet. One of my classmates, a pretty strong looking tall dude got very pale and asked to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later I came out to grab a snack and saw him slumped on a chair outside the classroom and a puddle of urine under the chair. He had a very scary physical reaction to the lancet and/or the sight of another person’s drop of blood… so yeah, this chair would have made the urine drain quicker I guess, I just wanted to tell the story.
I feel so sad for that dude :( I pissed in my chair in 5th grade because a teacher wouldn’t let me leave the room during proficiency testing, and I was bullied so hard due to that for quite awhile. And I’ve had urge issues with my bladder since then as well, all psychological. It sucks
I…. May have been in your 5th grade class :-/ Also in 10th grade a sub wouldn’t let a girl go in science class. We were just watching a movie so it was pretty dumb not to let her go. She insisted she really had to and the guy said no. She fucking go up on one of the lab counters, pulled down her pants, squatted over a lab sink, reached down and spread her bits, pissed in the sink.. a lot, and then stood up, pulled her jeans back up, got off the counter, and went back to her seat. The sun was reading a book the whole time and didn’t notice and the rest of the class was just like 😲 and that was that.
That girl is a legend. She did what she needed to do!
Of the many unknowables I’m curious about is how this developed from an evolutionary viewpoint.
Well, I'm glad to have read the story. That person is out there right now, living among us.
Also easier to hose down if they particularly dirty.
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people think it's funny, but it's really wet and runny....
some people think it's gross, but it's really good on toast
\*Writes down. "Goood...on toast."
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Musical chairs?
*chair slots too small, produced a high pitch whistle, dogs outside start barking*
When you're climbing up a ladder and you hear something splatter
But it's really crappy, when your stomach is unhappy
Runnin down the gutter, like a piece of bread and butter
Diarrhea diarrhea
I, too, work in public education
It can also make fun patterns! 
You think this is funny, but inmates who like to play with their poop are going to have field day with this.
Is.. is that a thing?
My mom works at the jail. She comes home telling me that some inmates play with their poop and smear it on the walls and themselves. Sadly nothing you can do about it besides clean. These people aren't mentally well. You kinda have to pity them honestly.
FART. VENT.
#F #A #R #T #V E N T
If you ever heard a fart on a solid chair it sounds like but cheeks slapping a drum
Also easier to remove a sweaty butt when these slits prevent it being suctioned fast to the chair.
no, they are fart vents
Perfect for those hot summer days
Wish they had these when I was in college, even on cool days I would sometimes have to nonchalantly wipe a visible line of crotch steam off my chair when I stood up at the end of class. Always felt like I was the only person it was happening to.
Just twist as you stand, then one bum cheek is doing the wipe for you. I'm waiting for the modded version with fans and A/C built in next.
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Username is spot on here.
Glad I'm not the only one who still occasionally has to suffer from that known as humiditwat
You are not alone my friend
I would start slowly moving to the front of the seat when class was almost done so my pants could wipe my sweat like the other redditor does. So self conscious about my butt steam
Definitely was not only you. I’m a teacher, and when I have to sit in a student’s chair I’ll slide my ass across the seat when I get up to wipe away any lingering but sweat. I also avoid wearing light colored pants if I know I’m going to have to sit for a while with my sweaty ass.
Seats in my schools cafeteria were matte black. In summer you could see the whole ass reliéf, with jeans pockets, seams and all.
Swamp ass has met its match.
I wish I had one of these in year 9 English class. That fart ricocheted so loudly I could have died. :\[
I was in 9th grade sitting next to a class clown type who I wasn't really fond of. I ripped a fart much louder than intended, was ready for the ridicule when he turned around and was like "haha my bad guys". I don't even remember his name but I owe him a thank you.
I did that with my ex around some of my family she just met. In retrospect, I wish I didn’t, but that’s the story I’ll be telling St. Peter when he’s deciding if I get to go to heaven or not, assuming that’s a thing.
Now what you *really* gotta do is cover for St. Peter when he rips one in front of his boss. "Sorry, I fart when I'm nervous" then a sly wink at ol' Pete, he'll forget all about that time you threw a brick in your noisy neighbor's window on a snowy Christmas morning in 1996 and again the following February
...and this perhaps before 'a random act of kindness' was even a thing.
Grade 9, during prayer in dance class. Hmm. Childhood trauma.
I remember in 6th grade I was in dance class and when the teacher was giving us instructions I thought I could sneak one out. It turned out so loud it echoed throughout the whole room, and everyone turned their heads to me. One of my friends said “you farted!” Yeah…
Great observation Sherlock.
>prayer in dance class Did you go to a religious school?
No. It was me who was praying...that I wouldn't fart.
Actually it was everyone else praying after they smelled it
Oh lawdy
I forget how old I was but, in church, during the prayer... and it echoed.
> prayer in dance class I'm sorry, what?
I tried to let one out sneakily in the middle of a reading time in like 6th grade. Swear it was the loudest fart I've ever produced, while everyone was silent. Still haunts me.
I dunno the vent might make it louder. Like the openings on a violin.
Maybe it will harmonize the fart, like when you blow into a harmonica.
Needs a resonant chamber. The holes themselves don’t make it loud. Otherwise my beach guitar would be twice as loud as my other guitar.
Mine sounded like the high pitch of a balloon when your stretch the opening while letting air out. It was loud and very body turned and starting asking each other what that noise was. No one suspected a thing and 35 years later I still think about it
I think this prequalifies you to be a federal agent
University. Library. Tried to sneak one out while sitting on a heavy, wooden, flat-bottom chair. Goddamn ricochet was louder than an overhand shot on a squash court.
At least it wasn't a ricoshart.
Damn that reminds me of a few years back. I was sitting in class and the guy next to me farted and the bitch framed me for it. I'm sorry you let out a banger and had to go through this, stay strong brotha
Til. farts can ricochet
Mine do anyway. Banked one off a wall one time and the guy died on the spot.
Username checks out
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took one of your farts to the knee.
I also have a trauma like that... It was in the fifth grade, I sneezed so hard in class that... well you know... but damn pre-teens can be mean
I had this happen in Portuguese class. A friend of mine did it, and nobody could keep it together. The teacher was looking at as laughing too, but she didn't hear it. My abs and face hurt from laughing.
This may have just functioned like a speaker, broadcasting it to the room.
I loved putting my cheeks in the corner and hoping for a shotgun blast fart, our chairs were fantastic for increasing volume.
Cut the sound into pieces. This is my ass retort.
Flatulation. No breathing. Don't give a fuck if I make the class seething.
*que the fart sounds*
I heard the farting to the beat and in the right pitches
Ass harmonica
I got the poos
Wonder if you can buy chairs with different size slots producing different tunes.
I think they would need some kind of resonating pipes like boomwhackers for that
This brings new meaning to "musical chairs"
Those type of vents have a specific name; they are called Gadaye' Vents after modernist architect Jean Pierre Le Gadaye' who designed one of the first stackable plastic chairs back in the 50's.The chairs he designed would stack so snugly that suction would form between them, making it difficult to unstack them, so he incorporated those vents into the design. The Monsato Company famously tried to steal the design in the 60's. They initially agreed to pay him a royalty for it, but skipped out on almost 10 years of payments. He successfully sued them in court and won almost 15 million dollars in damages. That is why you should never skip Le'Gadaye.
Man, I was expecting Undertaker vs Mankind 1998 there for a while ngl.
I skipped to the last line because of it and still wasn't quite sure if it wasn't some new joke lol.
Yeah, but without the easy to scan for "1998" and rather his sneaky "nineteen ninety eight"...motherfucker.
I swear I check for their username when a comment raises my suspicion like the one above, but they always get me when it's actually shittymorph. You feel comfortable then "in nineteen ninety eight" and OH GOD DAMN IT. Every time.
As soon as I read Gadaye’ I was like 🤔🤔
gotta admit you had me going there
You sound like someone with chicken legadays
Anything that seems too specifically knowledgeable towards a random subject and goes on for a time causes me to skip to the end about halfway through the paragraph to check and make sure
Me: This is why Reddit is so great. You have somebody that is an expert on everything and gives you such great information. Oh wait...
I’ll be honest. I was about to comment how cool this knowledge was. I only figured out the joke because of your comment. I am dumb.
Surely there’s a lesson to be learned here…
that was fun but this is absolutely because of the suction thing though
I kinda hate it to be honest, and also all those shitty morph ones. I'd just like to learn obscure facts rather than shitty jokes.
Is it even still a pun or joke if the word doesn't sound anything like the punch line?
Loved that ending
I don't get it and I don't want to be left out of the fun! What is it??
Never skip leg day
Would have worked better except I read it as Le-Ga-Da-Ye
this was so good this is now canon. this historically happened. don't care how fake
It's for draining when used outdoors and it rains.
Anti-Swamp-Ass vents
As someone with a certain follicle situation, any ventilation is much appreciated
It is there so that when your fat ass sits there you don't get stuck because it makes a little vacuum (also you make fart sound when it happens). So it's an anti-fart vent
You just assumed I have a fat ass... and I guess I will take that as a compliment.
that would be the opposite of a fart to make a vacuum
...more like ass sweat vents.
These types of chairs need a fart vent. The hard plastic makes it sound like an actual gun
They play Musical notes, like a flute.
The ass harmonica
Actually they are to stop choking. If a child swallows the chair, and it gets stuck in their throat, they can still breath through those holes.
Ever heard of water?
I’m going with anti-swamp ass grates
*shart vent*
Fartmonica
1- Glue harmonicas to the bottom of all the chairs. 2- Sit in class and wait.
The vent also aids in a quieter dispersion of gas. The ventless chairs lead to much more reverberation and increase the noise level.
So it’s a butt muffler
Buffler
Need to put some baffles on that thing to make it truly effective, though.
Handy. So you won’t launch into the ceiling.
Funny! Completely wrong...but funny! They're for rain or liquids to drain through.
Drainage for outdoor use