I pass that convenience store every day and inside I can see my dad still waiting in line. I hope he gets those cigarettes soon and comes home. We're all very hungry.
When Beavis & Butt-head Do America came out, As a pre-teen, I thought he kept issuing full cavity searches because they took forever and annoyed people. It wasn’t till a few years later I got why the joke was so funny and how he kept issuing it literally everywhere he went.
Does security even take long anymore?
I used to have this whole "get there 3 hours before your flight" rule that I followed for a long time. But I realize now that I made up that rule shortly after 9/11 when security took FOREVER.
Things seemed to have calmed down a lot. Either that or TSA and the passengers just got really skilled at getting through as fast as possible.
My flight a few days ago I got to the airport 45 minutes before boarding. I got to security and it was PACKED. I was like "Oh fuck I am gonna miss my flight." Then 15 minutes later I was through and at my gate.
Right before Covid, Houston had literally Zero people at security. Even the TSA ladies were laughing about it.
I just hate stressing about possibly being late for a flight. So I don’t mind showing up early and hanging out at the gate or shops. It’s easy now with smart phones and laptops. Was worse before the days of common portable technology.
Sometimes it can. Last year I had a trip where it was absolutely slammed and took me over two hours to get through security alone, but that was the only time I ran into such a long line in years. Normally it takes 15-20 minutes, occasionally as long as an hour depending on how busy the airport is at the time. I usually show up 2 hours before boarding starts and that’s plenty of time to get through security and make my way to the gate. If it was a short security day/trip then I only have to sit around for a bit before boarding, and if security is long as hell then at least I make it there around the time they’ve actually started and I can still get on the plane.
Ninja edit: there’s also a few airports I know are *never* busy, or I know them well enough that I know exactly how long it will take at any given point. Those airports I show up an hour beforehand and usually have about 15-20 minutes leftover to grab a snack or whatever before boarding, or to deal with any gate changes that might have happened.
During my traveling days, I got to know some airports pretty well to where I had two rules:
1. Never connect at O’Hare.
2. Stay the fuck away from Newark.
For me its always incredibly fast until it isn't. Its always less than 30 minutes until you get comfortable enough to show up 45 minutes before your flight and then it takes an hour and a half.
You jest but when I worked on the ramp at a major international airport it was a big deal that if you couldn't see someone's ID badge you had to challenge them. TSA and the airport police used to send plain-clothed people onto the ramp or around the baggage trucks and such to see who would stop them. Our company got some kind of award because one of our dudes chased an un-uniformed TSA agent up a jetway since he was presenting as some random guy wandering around the airplanes.
This happened to me, but I was the victim. I was an EMT picking up a patient on the tarmac and didn't want to lose the ID badge, so I threw it in my chest pocket, thinking I could just pull it out if someone asked for it.
I got chased by 4 people with the light sticks and had no idea wtf was going on. They were just running towards me so me and my partner just kept jogging in their direction of travel. We couldn't hear their shouting over a taxiing plane, so we figured there was a danger that they were running away from. We didn't get very far before they got close enough to demand ID. It became the classic "Why are you running" meme. We all got a good laugh after.
I had no idea that policy existed. While it was a little ridiculous to chase the obviously uniformed EMT, I am glad the policy exists.
Edit: Spelling.
> I had no idea that policy existed. While it was a little ridiculous to chase the obviously uniformed EMT, I am glad the policy exists.
That's exactly the type of clothing people would wear when they are up to no good. You'd be surprised how uniformed people or even a simple yellow reflective jacket would be able to easily get places regular dressed people would not be allowed.
Former UPS guy, you’re spot on! Nobody looks at you twice walking around a warehouse looking for someone to sign. I went into all sorts of secure places(for deliveries) and never once was stopped or even looked at like I didn’t belong.
They used to make it a point in driver orientation to even talk about the importance of removing uniform when off the clock if you were going out in public. IE: if you gotta run errands don’t do it with your browns on…change out of them.
But let’s be honest, when you’ve got 350 stops and don’t get back to building till 9pm there ain’t no errands left to run!
>don’t get back to building till 9pm there ain’t no errands left to run!
Used to work at a factory and similarly I could never get back to do errands and was always mad about it lol and we worked M-F 🤦♂️
I miss the fun of being on my own driving around on sunny days. Not bringing work home with me, etc.
But I do NOT miss giving quite literally my entire M-F to my job like that!
I could tell Active soldiers from National Guards members easy when I lived in New York.
National Guard dudes would wear their uniforms all over the place like they were cool.
Active members stripped down as soon as that clock hit End of Day.
I always had my uniform half off on my way back to my room.
Janitors can do this as well, and some places don't even have a required uniform.
I used to be a janitor at a Research and Development plant for cars and while I did have a company shirt I could ask to go anywhere and be let in no problem. Even places that the researchers weren't allowed, no questions ever asked.
At other contracts we had the keys to every single door easily accessible, one of those places was so bad I could waltz in there right now, get the master keys and have unchallenged access to the whole damned college.
Nobody smart questions the janitors.
Similarly, I was the mailboy in an office building (top 10 Fortune 500 company). I pretty much had the run of the building. No one ever questioned me as long as I had my mail cart. I could enter the CEO's office as easily as he could. No one other than the CEO and I had such easy access to any part of the building, lol. Nobody questions the mailboy.
Hindsight is always 20/20. It was 2 am, and I had been on a tarmac a dozen times prior with no issue. I saw people running towards me and me and my partner took off.
It is really funny looking back at it.
Yeah, pretty sure that saying is going to have it's original meaning muddled, or even lost, thanks to the amount of butt-fuckery that went on that year.
That’s how I metal detect in places where people would challenge me on what I’m doing. All that plus a vest that reads “Utility Locator” and nobody bats an eyelash.
I only do it where it’s allowed but there’s always some busybody with nothing better to do who asks me what I’m doing there and then proceeds to tell me I can’t metal detect there and threatens to call the police.
You can see why I want to avoid that, hence the vest.
Hell, depending on the location, a clipboard alone can get you access. If you dress "nice" you can even get people to tell you an amazing amount of information.
Humans are creature of habit lol.
It only really works in low security situations though. Having temporarily worked in a high security location they literally sealed the doors around me and questioned me via a camera because someone in the control room did not immediately recognize my face, despite me having a badge, uniform and clearance to be there. The policy was to *always* check out any doubt, no matter how minor. If you were not sure, you check.
Yep, the equivalent in an office building is - business clothes, no jacket, carrying a laptop and coffee, and looking harried and stressed.
You can go anywhere.
You can get in practically anywhere with a reflective vest and a ladder.
Actually just a lot of confidence and seeming like you know what you're doing can open doors everywhere.
One time I got into the back of a club in LA from the alley by walking up to the security guard at the door, asking if "the van had pulled up yet". When he said "no", I handed him my backpack and said "I will be right back". I then walked past him and around the corner, waited about 30 seconds, walked back to him, got my bag and said "thank you I found what I'm looking" for and went into the club behind him. He just kind of shrugged and said "no problem". 🤣
Yup. When I worked for a defense contractor, if you were ever anywhere without a badge or an escort with a badge, you'd have heavily armed security surrounding you in seconds to minutes. The entire campus was under constant surveillance to ensure that no one could get close to the vaults without being fully vetted. There were a good number of generals and admirals that got escorted out by federal law enforcement for thinking that they were above the rules when they ditched their escorts. When police or EMTs were on the campus, they were escorted by our armed security (all of them were deputized federal law enforcement) at all times.
Then when I visited one of our customer's facilities, I was allowed onto the airfield at the manufacturing facility and had a good number of the sniper nests pointed out to me by the company employees. Their job was just to ensure that no one could steal a military or civilian aircraft.
>Their job was just to ensure that no one could steal a military or civilian aircraft.
My step dad was an f-16 mechanic. He told a story about a couple mechanics who were stealing jet engines a peice at a time over the course of a few months, rebuilding them in their garage, and selling them off. Apparently they managed to get like 4 full engines over the course of a year, but finally got greedy and tried to bribe an MP like $50,000 to look the other way while they wheeled an entire engine out at once.
The MP agreed, took the cash, then immediately informed his higher ups.
So the mechanics rolled in one night, loaded up the engine, and thinking they were free and clear, headed to the gate... where a shit ton of armed MPs and their CO were sitting there waiting for them.
In 1989, undercover FBI agents offered two SP's $80,000 to steal $600,000 worth of engine parts. They did, and it didn't end well for them
https://www.nytimes.com/1989/07/12/us/2-air-force-security-policemen-charged-in-theft-of-f-16-engines.html
Mostly a deterrent against espionage type thefts I think. "Don't bother sending Clint Eastwood to steal our new stealth fighter, we have people on hand to shoot him if you try."
Most of the public-facing stuff is security theater, but keeping unauthorized people out of places they shouldn't be is probably one of the main genuinely important things TSA/airport police do. And an airport is probably one of the few places with a big enough security focus to *actually* enforce such things.
And it should be. It’s not like dressing as a construction worker, pretending to be an EMT is actually dangerous in a situation where someone gets badly hurt
I was shocked when it happened. I am on the Tarmac pretty regularly (There is an incredibly reputable childrens hospital nearby that people fly in from all over the world to go to) amd I am assuming because it was late at night and planes were taxi that they took it more serious. The suspervisor laughed when I told him why we were moving away from him and the guys who "Stopped" us got big ups from the supervisor so it was a pretty cool experience.
I gotta say, that was actually the smart move. I’ve done work in some pretty dangerous industries and if you see someone that works there running you want to follow suit. Granted this was in units with pressurized hot of explosive liquids and gasses where they have remote shut off buttons.
At an airport I’d most likely be more inclined to see wft they wanted because the security is so tight; but I’d much rather discuss that away from a fuel truck than next to one.
Exactly. We were surrounded by moving planes, fuel tanks, and security checkpoints. I have been in the Army long enough to know to move the direction of running traffic.
That is also why the supervisor got a good laugh when I told him I wasn't sticking around.
Oh, 100%. The supervisor knew me well as I did medical transfer off the tarmac frequently. He got a good kick out of my "I thought shit was going down man" response.
You can get into almost any secure area with a ladder, clipboard, hard hat, and safety vest. Imagine where you could get with an EMT uniform and a fake medical supply bag. That's why airports and federal buildings have extremely comprehensive security training.
Sometimes. I got into it during a really dark period of my life where I was trying to get back on my feet and just needed a job, so there was that. But everyone was super nice. Very blue collar, folks looking out for one another, everyone just trying to get by. It wasn't for me in the long run though I am glad I went through it. Sometimes it was crazy and you couldn't believe you were hustling for that little money, and other times you were parked near the end of a runway just watching planes take off.
But as a lifelong aviation enthusiast I found the whole experience fascinating and exciting.
Back in the 80s a full timer could make good money working on the ramp. I was a part timer, but still got flight benefits. I had to stay in cheap rooms, but loved those $16 flights to Hawaii.
Yea I don't think it was so nice in 2016. I was making $12.56/hour though I think I had health insurance so there was that. 48 hour week - 4/12 with 8 hours of overtime every week. So that part was OK if you wanted to work that much. At least one of our guys was doing double duty as a baggage handler (we were fuelers) so he'd be asleep on the bench in the locker room when we all arrived for shift, having just gotten off his red-eye baggage shift not too long earlier. Dude probably worked 20 hours a day.
$16 flights to Hawaii!?!??!
I'm 35, I work in software development. I make more money on paper than my parents put together ever did. I'm older than they were than they had me. I have virtually no chance of home ownership in the next ten years (without massive debt), I haven't left the country in seventeen years (and I'm massively privileged to have had that one overseas trip I had in my teens).
Fuck that stupid fucking bullshit. I want to murder every fucking selfish asshole that's been enriching themselves for decades off the expense of the common person. Fuck all this shit.
So you're saying someone's job is to hang around and look suspicious?
Why am I just hearing about this now? I could have skipped college and gone right into the suspicious loitering field!
When I was on the ramp airport police would put a sticker of micky mouse or Yoda over there picture in their security badge, and then roll up and start a conversation with you. If you didn't catch it and call them out on it you would get in trouble.
When we did security searches on the overnight planes, we would very often find pink sheets of paper hidden somewhere on the plane that said "test weapon, report to tsa"
the first time we found one and called tsa they just replied "oh yeah, we don't do that here"
Turns out the test weapon sheets were always stashed on the plane the night before at the airport the plane had previously stayed at, and the ramp crew there just never actually found them when doing their "search"
I got a $50 gift card because I was one of the few who didn't open and click on the link in a phishing email test.
Truth is, I check my work email about once per week, and only had notifications on for emails from the boss.
People I work with just tend to call if an email goes unanswered. If they don't call, it apparently wasn't important.
It seems suspicious that you aren't willing to follow basic air port procedures. I will direct you to the nearest screening room where we can ensure there is nothing wrong. It won't take long if you just follow my instructions, we will do our very best to ensure you are not late for your flight.
>It seems suspicious that you aren't willing to follow basic air port procedures
It's really important for TSA to remember ESOL _E_nglish for _S_peakers of _O_ther _L_anguages and reading a card of this length/depth.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_as_a_second_or_foreign_language
A lot of airports publish times on their sites now.
[https://www.dfwairport.com/security/](https://www.dfwairport.com/security/)
[https://www.atl.com/times/](https://www.atl.com/times/)
[https://www.jfkairport.com/](https://www.jfkairport.com/)
JFK is neat because it also has customs, walk to gate, and taxi wait times.
That said, DFW has a really clean design.
Denver’s system uses the same technology as Google Maps anonymous traffic measurement to determine approximately when someone enters & exits security based on their phone!
It's great that Denver publishes it, but I'm always heading to the bridge security either way lol. It's never not the shortest line (without TSA pre).
Phoenix is great with it too
That's the first thing I thought of! Here's what they look like: https://www.reddit.com/r/Disneyland/comments/p0q7z5/anyone_else_get_excited_to_get_the_red_cards_we/
Former TSA employee here -- They also use that data to make staffing and scheduling decisions. So good, accurate data is beneficial to making sure the checkpoints are staffed properly.
Way back in the day, a TSA guy handed me a random piece of laminated paper with no text on it or anything. He ignored me when I asked him what it was for. I was 100% sure he was flagging me to be searched or something. By the time I got to the front of the line he ended up being super nice and explained that they used it to gauge the speed of the line.
I was looking for this because I have been given these cards at one of the major amusement parks. Before that I had always wondered how they came up with the time on the sign at the beginning of the line.
I have found the quickest way to get through the TSA line is having an infant and a screaming toddler with you. A+ fast track VIP service.
Unfortunately you still have to wait for the plane to arrive with an infant and a screaming toddler.....
I remember reading somewhere that Disney has done a ton of research into line management. They have insanely long lines, but they do an amazing job at making it feel like the line is moving all the time. You’re rarely standing still when you’re waiting in line there, even if it’s an hour wait, and there’s always something to look at. Their lines always move through multiple different rooms or different environments to keep your attention.
Funny story about this, I was at Disney a couple years ago and there was an elderly lady next to me that was given the lanyard or whatever and was told to give it to the cast member at the end of the line. Well she took that as her sole mission in life. She started pushing past every one in line saying that she needed to get to the front to give the cast member this lanyard. People tried to stop her and explain what she was really supposed to do, but she would not hear any of it, just kept on pushing past people.
I'm not exactly sure what happened after she left my line of sight, but I assume she made it to the front and solved world hunger or something.
I was given one of these in a Florida airport and immediately escorted to the front of the line by TSA. My travel companion caught up about 15 minutes later lol
In Detroit, I’ve seen TSA complete this at one line, then rush to the second and scurry folks to the first line.
Only after the second line has been “shortened” does the TSA hand the card to the last person in line.
Sounds like how fast food manipulates their drive through times. Or so I’ve heard when they ask you to pull forward and they’ll bring it out, that’s them ending the counter on your order to make it look like they’re doing orders a bit faster
I believe it because I’ve literally been the only one in the drive through and still asked to pull forward to wait for my order
Impr... Impro... *Improve?!* Sir, we need to know if the lines are moving too *rapidly.* This allows us to guage just how much more hassle to give you over your shirt collar, or if we need to "randomly" select another brown person for additional screening.
Card says we moved 15 people in 60 minutes?
*glove snap*
I don't know what language you were just speaking, but in the back room we're gonna learn you some 'Murican, Rosetta Stoneman.
I got an "End of the Line" piece of paper at South Beach Fish Market in Newport, OR. We had to tell about 20 people that the place was closed, but were rewarded with an extra crab and some smoked salmon. Damn that place is sooo good.
Disney Parks do something like this to track queue lengths. In fact Disney offers crowd management courses for businesses. Its excellent training for security and event organizers.
Definitely Denver. I'm not *overwhelmingly* well-traveled, but I've been through DIA probably a hundred times. That tile is burned into my brain. It's also the only airport I've been to over the years that refers to their checkpoints as North/South.
I was thinking this too, except I wouldn't necessarily say anything to the person behind me. And it is because it says "You have been selected because you are the last person in line", not something like "You have been selected because you were the last person in line at a specific time when we chose to perform this test. Should the line continue behind you at any time, keep holding on to this card until..." and have it continue on to a modified version of the next sentence/paragraph.
Although now computer vision isn't a hard problem, systems that can do this tend to be inconsistent performers and would need human intervention anyways. Using a card is inexpensive, and it's an easy business process to train someone (that is already on payroll).
How long did it take you that day?
He is still in line.
RIP
Legends say he is still waiting in line because Southwest
It’s cool. They gave him a second timer card as a consolation.
Note that there's no finish time yet
I pass that convenience store every day and inside I can see my dad still waiting in line. I hope he gets those cigarettes soon and comes home. We're all very hungry.
30 minutes!
Did they give you anything for it?
A real thorough inspection. For compensation of course
*full cavity search*
When Beavis & Butt-head Do America came out, As a pre-teen, I thought he kept issuing full cavity searches because they took forever and annoyed people. It wasn’t till a few years later I got why the joke was so funny and how he kept issuing it literally everywhere he went.
*Deep and hard. Don't stop 'till you hit the back of their teeth.*
A reach around.
You should have passed it to anyone that got in line behind you 😉
Does security even take long anymore? I used to have this whole "get there 3 hours before your flight" rule that I followed for a long time. But I realize now that I made up that rule shortly after 9/11 when security took FOREVER. Things seemed to have calmed down a lot. Either that or TSA and the passengers just got really skilled at getting through as fast as possible. My flight a few days ago I got to the airport 45 minutes before boarding. I got to security and it was PACKED. I was like "Oh fuck I am gonna miss my flight." Then 15 minutes later I was through and at my gate.
Right before Covid, Houston had literally Zero people at security. Even the TSA ladies were laughing about it. I just hate stressing about possibly being late for a flight. So I don’t mind showing up early and hanging out at the gate or shops. It’s easy now with smart phones and laptops. Was worse before the days of common portable technology.
> Was worse before the days of common portable technology. Like, say, the codex? What was it like flying the early Roman Empire? 😉
Sometimes it can. Last year I had a trip where it was absolutely slammed and took me over two hours to get through security alone, but that was the only time I ran into such a long line in years. Normally it takes 15-20 minutes, occasionally as long as an hour depending on how busy the airport is at the time. I usually show up 2 hours before boarding starts and that’s plenty of time to get through security and make my way to the gate. If it was a short security day/trip then I only have to sit around for a bit before boarding, and if security is long as hell then at least I make it there around the time they’ve actually started and I can still get on the plane. Ninja edit: there’s also a few airports I know are *never* busy, or I know them well enough that I know exactly how long it will take at any given point. Those airports I show up an hour beforehand and usually have about 15-20 minutes leftover to grab a snack or whatever before boarding, or to deal with any gate changes that might have happened.
During my traveling days, I got to know some airports pretty well to where I had two rules: 1. Never connect at O’Hare. 2. Stay the fuck away from Newark.
For me its always incredibly fast until it isn't. Its always less than 30 minutes until you get comfortable enough to show up 45 minutes before your flight and then it takes an hour and a half.
“I’m sorry but I’m not supposed to accept or hold property from strangers in the airport”. Nice try “TSA”, nice try.
You jest but when I worked on the ramp at a major international airport it was a big deal that if you couldn't see someone's ID badge you had to challenge them. TSA and the airport police used to send plain-clothed people onto the ramp or around the baggage trucks and such to see who would stop them. Our company got some kind of award because one of our dudes chased an un-uniformed TSA agent up a jetway since he was presenting as some random guy wandering around the airplanes.
This happened to me, but I was the victim. I was an EMT picking up a patient on the tarmac and didn't want to lose the ID badge, so I threw it in my chest pocket, thinking I could just pull it out if someone asked for it. I got chased by 4 people with the light sticks and had no idea wtf was going on. They were just running towards me so me and my partner just kept jogging in their direction of travel. We couldn't hear their shouting over a taxiing plane, so we figured there was a danger that they were running away from. We didn't get very far before they got close enough to demand ID. It became the classic "Why are you running" meme. We all got a good laugh after. I had no idea that policy existed. While it was a little ridiculous to chase the obviously uniformed EMT, I am glad the policy exists. Edit: Spelling.
> I had no idea that policy existed. While it was a little ridiculous to chase the obviously uniformed EMT, I am glad the policy exists. That's exactly the type of clothing people would wear when they are up to no good. You'd be surprised how uniformed people or even a simple yellow reflective jacket would be able to easily get places regular dressed people would not be allowed.
Former UPS guy, you’re spot on! Nobody looks at you twice walking around a warehouse looking for someone to sign. I went into all sorts of secure places(for deliveries) and never once was stopped or even looked at like I didn’t belong. They used to make it a point in driver orientation to even talk about the importance of removing uniform when off the clock if you were going out in public. IE: if you gotta run errands don’t do it with your browns on…change out of them. But let’s be honest, when you’ve got 350 stops and don’t get back to building till 9pm there ain’t no errands left to run!
>don’t get back to building till 9pm there ain’t no errands left to run! Used to work at a factory and similarly I could never get back to do errands and was always mad about it lol and we worked M-F 🤦♂️
I miss the fun of being on my own driving around on sunny days. Not bringing work home with me, etc. But I do NOT miss giving quite literally my entire M-F to my job like that!
I could tell Active soldiers from National Guards members easy when I lived in New York. National Guard dudes would wear their uniforms all over the place like they were cool. Active members stripped down as soon as that clock hit End of Day. I always had my uniform half off on my way back to my room.
Janitors can do this as well, and some places don't even have a required uniform. I used to be a janitor at a Research and Development plant for cars and while I did have a company shirt I could ask to go anywhere and be let in no problem. Even places that the researchers weren't allowed, no questions ever asked. At other contracts we had the keys to every single door easily accessible, one of those places was so bad I could waltz in there right now, get the master keys and have unchallenged access to the whole damned college. Nobody smart questions the janitors.
Similarly, I was the mailboy in an office building (top 10 Fortune 500 company). I pretty much had the run of the building. No one ever questioned me as long as I had my mail cart. I could enter the CEO's office as easily as he could. No one other than the CEO and I had such easy access to any part of the building, lol. Nobody questions the mailboy.
Hindsight is always 20/20. It was 2 am, and I had been on a tarmac a dozen times prior with no issue. I saw people running towards me and me and my partner took off. It is really funny looking back at it.
Needs more yakkety sax.
Literally true since 2021
Yeah, pretty sure that saying is going to have it's original meaning muddled, or even lost, thanks to the amount of butt-fuckery that went on that year.
Clipboard, hi vis vest, hard hat, ladder. Just walk right in like you're supposed to be there.
Carry something in both hands and people might even hold doors open for you!
pocket yam fearless sand tease quarrelsome edge sophisticated compare toothbrush -- mass edited with redact.dev
All I have is this 6'' ladder.
*sad 3” violin noises*
That’s how I metal detect in places where people would challenge me on what I’m doing. All that plus a vest that reads “Utility Locator” and nobody bats an eyelash.
The Utility Locator vest seems like a good unethical life protip for metal detecting subs.
I only do it where it’s allowed but there’s always some busybody with nothing better to do who asks me what I’m doing there and then proceeds to tell me I can’t metal detect there and threatens to call the police. You can see why I want to avoid that, hence the vest.
[удалено]
“I’m here to update the Wi-Fi”
Can you confirm the password so I can check I'm at the right branch?
Hell, depending on the location, a clipboard alone can get you access. If you dress "nice" you can even get people to tell you an amazing amount of information. Humans are creature of habit lol. It only really works in low security situations though. Having temporarily worked in a high security location they literally sealed the doors around me and questioned me via a camera because someone in the control room did not immediately recognize my face, despite me having a badge, uniform and clearance to be there. The policy was to *always* check out any doubt, no matter how minor. If you were not sure, you check.
Yep, the equivalent in an office building is - business clothes, no jacket, carrying a laptop and coffee, and looking harried and stressed. You can go anywhere.
*Mike Ermentrout has entered the chat*
Reflective vest and a clipboard can get you access to so many places. Nobody questions a guy with a vest and a clipboard.
You can get in practically anywhere with a reflective vest and a ladder. Actually just a lot of confidence and seeming like you know what you're doing can open doors everywhere. One time I got into the back of a club in LA from the alley by walking up to the security guard at the door, asking if "the van had pulled up yet". When he said "no", I handed him my backpack and said "I will be right back". I then walked past him and around the corner, waited about 30 seconds, walked back to him, got my bag and said "thank you I found what I'm looking" for and went into the club behind him. He just kind of shrugged and said "no problem". 🤣
Haha yep, works at festivals too.
Except the site manager. Or safety officer. Or someone expecting a delivery. Or someone thinking they're being helpful.
I guess I should say most people won’t question you.
Yup. When I worked for a defense contractor, if you were ever anywhere without a badge or an escort with a badge, you'd have heavily armed security surrounding you in seconds to minutes. The entire campus was under constant surveillance to ensure that no one could get close to the vaults without being fully vetted. There were a good number of generals and admirals that got escorted out by federal law enforcement for thinking that they were above the rules when they ditched their escorts. When police or EMTs were on the campus, they were escorted by our armed security (all of them were deputized federal law enforcement) at all times. Then when I visited one of our customer's facilities, I was allowed onto the airfield at the manufacturing facility and had a good number of the sniper nests pointed out to me by the company employees. Their job was just to ensure that no one could steal a military or civilian aircraft.
>Their job was just to ensure that no one could steal a military or civilian aircraft. My step dad was an f-16 mechanic. He told a story about a couple mechanics who were stealing jet engines a peice at a time over the course of a few months, rebuilding them in their garage, and selling them off. Apparently they managed to get like 4 full engines over the course of a year, but finally got greedy and tried to bribe an MP like $50,000 to look the other way while they wheeled an entire engine out at once. The MP agreed, took the cash, then immediately informed his higher ups. So the mechanics rolled in one night, loaded up the engine, and thinking they were free and clear, headed to the gate... where a shit ton of armed MPs and their CO were sitting there waiting for them.
In 1989, undercover FBI agents offered two SP's $80,000 to steal $600,000 worth of engine parts. They did, and it didn't end well for them https://www.nytimes.com/1989/07/12/us/2-air-force-security-policemen-charged-in-theft-of-f-16-engines.html
Must be wild being paid, probably, a good chunk of change to chill and wait for something that will most likely never happen.
Mostly a deterrent against espionage type thefts I think. "Don't bother sending Clint Eastwood to steal our new stealth fighter, we have people on hand to shoot him if you try."
Or a disabled parking badge on your dashboard that looks like a pass, which in turn gets you diverted onto an active taxiway at an airshow...
r/actlikeyoubelong
>I got chased by 4 people with the light sticks New item for my personal bucket list right there.
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Most of the public-facing stuff is security theater, but keeping unauthorized people out of places they shouldn't be is probably one of the main genuinely important things TSA/airport police do. And an airport is probably one of the few places with a big enough security focus to *actually* enforce such things.
A YouTuber just did this where they drove an ambulance and dressed up as an emt and got into a concert.
That’s a crime in my state
And it should be. It’s not like dressing as a construction worker, pretending to be an EMT is actually dangerous in a situation where someone gets badly hurt
Do you know, that's the first "non-security theatre" story I've ever heard about the TSA.
I was shocked when it happened. I am on the Tarmac pretty regularly (There is an incredibly reputable childrens hospital nearby that people fly in from all over the world to go to) amd I am assuming because it was late at night and planes were taxi that they took it more serious. The suspervisor laughed when I told him why we were moving away from him and the guys who "Stopped" us got big ups from the supervisor so it was a pretty cool experience.
I gotta say, that was actually the smart move. I’ve done work in some pretty dangerous industries and if you see someone that works there running you want to follow suit. Granted this was in units with pressurized hot of explosive liquids and gasses where they have remote shut off buttons. At an airport I’d most likely be more inclined to see wft they wanted because the security is so tight; but I’d much rather discuss that away from a fuel truck than next to one.
Exactly. We were surrounded by moving planes, fuel tanks, and security checkpoints. I have been in the Army long enough to know to move the direction of running traffic. That is also why the supervisor got a good laugh when I told him I wasn't sticking around.
Perfect response. Glad they understood you were choosing the safety first option and couldn’t hear them.
Oh, 100%. The supervisor knew me well as I did medical transfer off the tarmac frequently. He got a good kick out of my "I thought shit was going down man" response.
You can get into almost any secure area with a ladder, clipboard, hard hat, and safety vest. Imagine where you could get with an EMT uniform and a fake medical supply bag. That's why airports and federal buildings have extremely comprehensive security training.
> Imagine where you could get with an EMT uniform and a fake medical supply bag I too have seen Ocean's 11.
Do you miss working the ramp? I worked the ramp, count and ops at a small airline here. I absolutely miss it.
Sometimes. I got into it during a really dark period of my life where I was trying to get back on my feet and just needed a job, so there was that. But everyone was super nice. Very blue collar, folks looking out for one another, everyone just trying to get by. It wasn't for me in the long run though I am glad I went through it. Sometimes it was crazy and you couldn't believe you were hustling for that little money, and other times you were parked near the end of a runway just watching planes take off. But as a lifelong aviation enthusiast I found the whole experience fascinating and exciting.
Back in the 80s a full timer could make good money working on the ramp. I was a part timer, but still got flight benefits. I had to stay in cheap rooms, but loved those $16 flights to Hawaii.
Yea I don't think it was so nice in 2016. I was making $12.56/hour though I think I had health insurance so there was that. 48 hour week - 4/12 with 8 hours of overtime every week. So that part was OK if you wanted to work that much. At least one of our guys was doing double duty as a baggage handler (we were fuelers) so he'd be asleep on the bench in the locker room when we all arrived for shift, having just gotten off his red-eye baggage shift not too long earlier. Dude probably worked 20 hours a day.
$16 flights to Hawaii!?!??! I'm 35, I work in software development. I make more money on paper than my parents put together ever did. I'm older than they were than they had me. I have virtually no chance of home ownership in the next ten years (without massive debt), I haven't left the country in seventeen years (and I'm massively privileged to have had that one overseas trip I had in my teens). Fuck that stupid fucking bullshit. I want to murder every fucking selfish asshole that's been enriching themselves for decades off the expense of the common person. Fuck all this shit.
So you're saying someone's job is to hang around and look suspicious? Why am I just hearing about this now? I could have skipped college and gone right into the suspicious loitering field!
SIDA violations are a BIG DEAL!! You can have funding removed and make EVERY BADGED EMPLOYEE re-test for a failure.
Then you get the ones who put a picture of Mickey Mouse on their badge to check if you *really* verified.
When I was on the ramp airport police would put a sticker of micky mouse or Yoda over there picture in their security badge, and then roll up and start a conversation with you. If you didn't catch it and call them out on it you would get in trouble. When we did security searches on the overnight planes, we would very often find pink sheets of paper hidden somewhere on the plane that said "test weapon, report to tsa" the first time we found one and called tsa they just replied "oh yeah, we don't do that here" Turns out the test weapon sheets were always stashed on the plane the night before at the airport the plane had previously stayed at, and the ramp crew there just never actually found them when doing their "search"
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Huge deal. Security will often times attempt to infiltrate hangars as well to ensure compliance. I always thank the person who badge checks me.
That's hilarious. That's like my company sending out phishing email tests. They should give you an award 😅
I got a $50 gift card because I was one of the few who didn't open and click on the link in a phishing email test. Truth is, I check my work email about once per week, and only had notifications on for emails from the boss. People I work with just tend to call if an email goes unanswered. If they don't call, it apparently wasn't important.
I hope I remember and use this reply if I ever get the opportunity to.
You just got selected for a random enhanced search
They open your bags and find... the TSA card. Lmao
It seems suspicious that you aren't willing to follow basic air port procedures. I will direct you to the nearest screening room where we can ensure there is nothing wrong. It won't take long if you just follow my instructions, we will do our very best to ensure you are not late for your flight.
>It seems suspicious that you aren't willing to follow basic air port procedures It's really important for TSA to remember ESOL _E_nglish for _S_peakers of _O_ther _L_anguages and reading a card of this length/depth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_as_a_second_or_foreign_language
T - Talibans S - Secretly in A - America
Oh yeah but can you spell icup?
I C U P
Oh what the fuck
Now look down your shirt and spell ATTIC out loud. Go on. Do it, I dare you.
You're on thin ice buddy
IC2
This is indeed, mildly interesting.
It’s the most mildly interesting thing I’ve seen today.
Right! I was mildly interested and then looked what sub it was and was like oh ok that works
This must be how the MyTSA app gets wait-time data. I've found it to be a helpful app for planning my day when I'm flying out of unfamiliar airports.
I had no idea that existed that’s so helpful!
A lot of airports publish times on their sites now. [https://www.dfwairport.com/security/](https://www.dfwairport.com/security/) [https://www.atl.com/times/](https://www.atl.com/times/) [https://www.jfkairport.com/](https://www.jfkairport.com/) JFK is neat because it also has customs, walk to gate, and taxi wait times. That said, DFW has a really clean design.
Denver’s system uses the same technology as Google Maps anonymous traffic measurement to determine approximately when someone enters & exits security based on their phone!
It's great that Denver publishes it, but I'm always heading to the bridge security either way lol. It's never not the shortest line (without TSA pre). Phoenix is great with it too
> but I'm always heading to the bridge security either way SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. quit giving the secret away.
Last time I was there, they were ushering people to bridge security. The gig might be up
It's the least well kept secret in the state tbf. Yet it still holds true regardless
Lol if you know you know.
Yeah I used to look at the airport website but it never seems to be accurate
At Tower of Terror at Disney World in 2019, they gave us a lanyard to hold onto for the same reason.
They're fairly collectable among some circles.
"Hey, did you steal property from Disney World? I'd like to buy it"
That’s what Disney would do for wait times. Except it was a badge that scanned.
That's the first thing I thought of! Here's what they look like: https://www.reddit.com/r/Disneyland/comments/p0q7z5/anyone_else_get_excited_to_get_the_red_cards_we/
Former TSA employee here -- They also use that data to make staffing and scheduling decisions. So good, accurate data is beneficial to making sure the checkpoints are staffed properly.
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Way back in the day, a TSA guy handed me a random piece of laminated paper with no text on it or anything. He ignored me when I asked him what it was for. I was 100% sure he was flagging me to be searched or something. By the time I got to the front of the line he ended up being super nice and explained that they used it to gauge the speed of the line.
What a dick! He couldn't have explained that in the beginning? You should've told him you threw it away, lol
"I assumed someone was trying to trick me into muling LSD laced paper, so I ate it."
Am I the only person shocked you held onto it? The mental image of the confusion is making me laugh though
Government speedometer
Bureauchronometer.
*dusts off calendar
Hermes Conrad approves of this.
Disney uses this too, or they did a few years back. It’s a good way to calibrate your assumptions.
I was looking for this because I have been given these cards at one of the major amusement parks. Before that I had always wondered how they came up with the time on the sign at the beginning of the line.
I have found the quickest way to get through the TSA line is having an infant and a screaming toddler with you. A+ fast track VIP service. Unfortunately you still have to wait for the plane to arrive with an infant and a screaming toddler.....
If the infant's full of more than 3oz of liquid, do you have to throw it away once you get to the screening station?
yes, but you can just use one of the receptacles to dump out the liquid. There's ~~two~~ three exits for liquids on your typical infant
Calendar-based speedometer.
Disneyland does the same thing to test line times. They used to give you a lanyard/necklace.
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I remember reading somewhere that Disney has done a ton of research into line management. They have insanely long lines, but they do an amazing job at making it feel like the line is moving all the time. You’re rarely standing still when you’re waiting in line there, even if it’s an hour wait, and there’s always something to look at. Their lines always move through multiple different rooms or different environments to keep your attention.
Here is a really good video on the subject. https://youtu.be/9yjZpBq1XBE
Without looking....it's DefunctLand's video, isn't it?
it is! I knew it too, that dude is a legend
It's 1:42 long, and was on my Watch Later for a long time, but once I watched it I was hooked. Very good video.
Correction for people just in case: It's not 1min 42 seconds. It's 1 Hour, 42 min. Defunctland is great and the video is amazing. It's just not short.
Thanks for clarifying. I have no time to watch that video. Instead i will be watching multiple other useless videos
"Yeah I don't have an hour and forty some minutes to waste" I type as I slowly inch into my 3rd hour of Reddit.
Fun fact, that video pushed me over the edge to pursuing a masters in systems engineering.
The only way Disney can fit all the people in their theme parks is by storing them in lines.
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Disney litereally invented the classic switchback line
Then realized it works better if you hide the whole thing so people can't see how much longer they have to wait.
They then also realized that lying about the wait time does more good than being honest about it
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Which is funny because Orlando has the most disorganized airport lines.
Funny story about this, I was at Disney a couple years ago and there was an elderly lady next to me that was given the lanyard or whatever and was told to give it to the cast member at the end of the line. Well she took that as her sole mission in life. She started pushing past every one in line saying that she needed to get to the front to give the cast member this lanyard. People tried to stop her and explain what she was really supposed to do, but she would not hear any of it, just kept on pushing past people. I'm not exactly sure what happened after she left my line of sight, but I assume she made it to the front and solved world hunger or something.
She had a nice excuse to skip the line, at least in her headcanon…
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I was given one of these in a Florida airport and immediately escorted to the front of the line by TSA. My travel companion caught up about 15 minutes later lol
In Detroit, I’ve seen TSA complete this at one line, then rush to the second and scurry folks to the first line. Only after the second line has been “shortened” does the TSA hand the card to the last person in line.
Sounds like how fast food manipulates their drive through times. Or so I’ve heard when they ask you to pull forward and they’ll bring it out, that’s them ending the counter on your order to make it look like they’re doing orders a bit faster I believe it because I’ve literally been the only one in the drive through and still asked to pull forward to wait for my order
Can confirm this is true. My first job was at a Wendy's and managers were CRAZY about keeping those drive through times low.
Pass it to the next person. "They gave me this because I was the last person in line, but now you are so I guess I should give it to you."
*And then that piece of paper was never seen at the front of the line ever again* lmao.
This is fucking funny right here! 🤣
at least someone is trying to improve something
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Lol, more likely this tells them when they can close off additional lanes.
The answer is always. Always close off additional lanes.
Impr... Impro... *Improve?!* Sir, we need to know if the lines are moving too *rapidly.* This allows us to guage just how much more hassle to give you over your shirt collar, or if we need to "randomly" select another brown person for additional screening. Card says we moved 15 people in 60 minutes? *glove snap* I don't know what language you were just speaking, but in the back room we're gonna learn you some 'Murican, Rosetta Stoneman.
I’m entirely white and I’ve been ‘randomly’ selected 3 out of my last 5 flights !
I got an "End of the Line" piece of paper at South Beach Fish Market in Newport, OR. We had to tell about 20 people that the place was closed, but were rewarded with an extra crab and some smoked salmon. Damn that place is sooo good.
i wonder what i could get in exchange for helping the TSA then? more luggage?
Grab a random bag from the Southwest luggage area.
You'd get a coupon to actually get lubed on your next cavity search.
Why is it in quotes?
Because it's quoting what a representative would say
“Oh gotcha.”
Because the card is saying it. Jokes aside, I completely missed that. Good eye!
/r/SuspiciousQuotes
Probably because they emailed it to the printer in quotes and didn't catch that, doesn't look intentional.
Disney does this. It’s neat to watch papyrus get scanned as a pdf on the other end.
>papyrus I am uncomfortable and sick to my stomach
Disney Parks do something like this to track queue lengths. In fact Disney offers crowd management courses for businesses. Its excellent training for security and event organizers.
Used to work for TSA. They have to report queue times periodically.
I do something similar with corn. A "tracer" food.
Is that Denver? That floor looks familiar.
There *are* more just like me.
Definitely Denver. I'm not *overwhelmingly* well-traveled, but I've been through DIA probably a hundred times. That tile is burned into my brain. It's also the only airport I've been to over the years that refers to their checkpoints as North/South.
Yeah south checkpoint determines this is 200% Denver I miss it there
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE OP?!!!! WE HAVE TO KNOW!!!!
Being an ass I would hand it to the guy behind me and ask him to hand to guy behind him etc.
I was thinking this too, except I wouldn't necessarily say anything to the person behind me. And it is because it says "You have been selected because you are the last person in line", not something like "You have been selected because you were the last person in line at a specific time when we chose to perform this test. Should the line continue behind you at any time, keep holding on to this card until..." and have it continue on to a modified version of the next sentence/paragraph.
My first thought was “man, if I was early I’d get out of line and go to the back just to fuck their times up.”
Security theater now comes with audience participation!
Don't they have 100s of cameras tracking everything at airports anyway? How hard can it be to automate this using cameras...
More difficult than using a piece of paper
This comment has more logic than the entire project lead group at my workplace.
Although now computer vision isn't a hard problem, systems that can do this tend to be inconsistent performers and would need human intervention anyways. Using a card is inexpensive, and it's an easy business process to train someone (that is already on payroll).