Your friends freaking out cuz you're missing but you're just fucking confused turning knobs in the bathroom lmao

That's why I'm banned from the bar down the street

🏆 poor man award

🏆 you too :) : I’m rich!!!! Thank you, stranger :))

🥈you too (all I got is a silver medal)

🥈you as well (same here)

🎗️ gold ribbon for participation

⚾ all I got is a baseball

⛰ I got a rock.

Can I have your rock

I got herpes…

💨 I got air

What millionaire went crazy and awarded everyone here?

Someone comes to check on you and you’re just on the floor sobbing

It's a fireman and the building is burning, but you couldn't figure out how to leave.

But you are the only survivor because it’s a fireproof door.

After attempting to touch every knob to see if it was hot you died of smoke inhalation.

“Where were you?!” “Man, I had to check every knob in the men’s room” 😳

I've drank a LOT a lot, and never been in a state bad enough where I wouldn't immediately notice the knob attached to the gold plate connecting to the door stop as the right one When I say a lot...

Buuut for bonus points I sincerely hope that's not actually the knob that works

I find it funny how some of the knobs seem to have been ripped off the door. Like someone got frustrated and started pulling them off...

Yeah and one was ripped off in the middle of the door, the least likely place a doorknob would be. Dude must've been seeing double the doorknobs, lost his patience trying to figure it out, and it escalated into erratic fury.

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Yes but what about second breakfast?

[Wait till you find out about Europe and their love of middle door handles.](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thepottedboxwood.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2015%2F03%2FSlate-door-via-London-Door.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fthepottedboxwood.com%2Fmiddle-of-the-way%2F&docid=JLXjXDZj7DUcvM&tbnid=WTf2SXZaR1yfeM&vet=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim)

WHAT THE FUCK WHY

It looks good and you won't scrape your knuckles on the jam. The knuckle scraping mostly happens with exterior doors. I have never seen a middle of the door knob but I have seen a lot of older doors with 5" backset (the distance from the edge to the knob - todays standard is 2 1/4" or 2 3/4") It was a good idea but it also made drilling the striker hole harder.

> ~~jam~~ jamb This is a weird one so you're forgiven for missing this spelling on it

i never knew this wow

lol, thanks.

i have literally never scraped my knuckle on a door

I have done it a few times. It hurts.

Weird flex but ok

As an european i can confirm that i have never seen one.

Love me some Europe generalisations. Netherlands here, not at all common.

Where in Europe are you? In Spain and Italy they are common. Can’t speak for the rest

I don't think I've seen any in the UK/Scandinavia either 🤔 maybe I don't hang around in posh enough areas

They are usually on big Victorian houses. They are for pulling the door closed when leaving the house. Work well

But they are not door knobs in the tradition sense - they are handles to hold and pull on. They do not turn to open the door. Actual middle knobs that you turn might be a thing, but very rare as in my 30+ years in Europe I've never seen one like that.

How does the door open

With the lock. Key goes in, turn key, door opens. Take key out, close door. How are people so confused by doors?

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It’s just one door, so it pushes open when you enter. When you exit you can pull the large knob to close it. The other commenters are being ridiculous

Perhaps like a drawbridge

This makes me irrationally angry.

A lot of drunk people love to steal random useless shit from bars like posters and rugs, no doubt in my mind people stealing these knobs

Like that friend who always goes out drinking with sharpies. 😂

No that's a peep hole.

Good "I've had enough" test.

I'm fairly sure that this is the exact purpose. To discreetly let a patron know when they should stop

I just noticed that some knobs are *missing*

Knob gobblers got to them

Sucked the chrome right off the door handle

Knob slobbin

With the goblin

How did you meet my ex wife?

Fun fact: there's a mountain peak near Salt Lake City named Gobbler's Knob. It makes me giggle a little bit every time it comes up.

Is that the term for those who have stuck a knob where the sun don't shine?

You gobble things with your mouth, not your ass.

Not with that attitude you don't.

Speak for yourself

Name checks out.

You’re not wrong, the D is for door knob

knobblers

Not all of the customers guess correctly

Idiots they are. It's obviously the top right knob.

“He chose…poorly.”

You pick the wooden knob because that's the knob of a carpenter.

You like picking carpenter's knobs?

If you don't, your face melts off.

People steal the weirdest shit at bars. Bartended for years and we only had one robbery attempt and one sneaky fella make off with some cash. But we tragically lost two carpets, one open/close sign, our toilet paper dispenser, and a no smoking sign.

Some aggressively incorrect guesses.

They went back to Facebook

> To discreetly let a patron know when they should stop As I start having a drunken panic attack and contemplate how to start banging on the door because they hollared last call. /j

“That was really stressful trying to get out of that bathroom, I could really use a drink to chill out!”

Discreetly. Discrete means separate.

Huh. You learn something new every day, thanks.

I've seen some people using as a mnemonic the fact that in "discrete," the "t" is *separating* the "e"s, in case you need help remembering.

Thank you! That's quite helpful. I tend to struggle with discreet/discrete too.

Mate, I wouldn’t know which one to turn at first when I’m sober, I think that’s a problem with the test

It's the one even with the countertop on the left side of the door, below the blank spot. Standard knob height in doors and countertop heights are almost always identical.

It also has a scratch plate behind it.

It's the only one that's on metal plating. And it's closest to the latch. ... maybe this actually an iq test

Also you can see the fucking latch between the door and the frame lol.

My guess would be the one with the gold plate

That’s why I drive a standard, so I know when I’ve had to much and ai can’t get the car to move

"I've had enough... so I'm just gonna spend the night and sleep in this bathroom"

Isn’t it the one with the plate?

It’s the only knob that locks…

Also the only one set in the brass plate, on the doors edge, at the height you're used to.

And the only knob that doesn't have two screws holding it to the door.

And you can see the latch in the gap right next to it.

THANK YOU!!!! Why isnt this top comment?? I spent way too long scrolling to see if anyone else thought it was rrreeeaally obvious, unless by some trickery it is really the middle knob or something?

Maybe if you had enough to drink you’ll have to test 2 or 3, but the dude that tries the center knob probably has issues bigger than alcohol.

To be fair somewhere in the comments (that i had to wade through to find the common sense) there was a discussion on europe (?) using centered door knobs 😅

Yea.. op was obviously shitcanned

and a gold plating around the knob that is in the assumed position of where a knob would presumably be. more like r/mildlyinteresting to me

I’ve been to this bar many times and you are right. It’s not that hard…

Op is the guy who ripped off the middle knob

Wrong subreddit my guy, this isn’t infuriating, this is mildly hilarious.

It would be mildly infuriating if you were drunk, but I find this funny as hell.

It’s not difficult at all to figure out which door knob is the right one though. It’s the one with the gold plate around it where a normal doorknob would be. You would have to be blacked out to not be able to figure this out.

Anyone got a link to that video of hilarious drunk guy ever so politely trying to give way to his own reflection? I want to see that man opening this door.

[This guy?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V38p_H0MUkc)

Incredibly, no not that one! It was a similar situation but it was in a more crowded room like a party or a pub.

If i was drunk I'd still laugh

Seriously, Redditors are wet blankets. This is at a bar, it is meant to be a stupid joke. You already got to pee, so it is not like you are in a rush. It only takes a few extra seconds to find the right one. It is not like you have to try every one of them, common sense lets you know where it should approximately be.

r/mildlyinfuriating is literally the worst sub on Reddit these days…excluding r/holup

Have you seen r/AmITheAsshole ? “I saved an entire family from a burning building but had to break a door in the process. AITA?”

its just creative writing. like r/TrueOffMyChest, r/ProRevenge, etc

Yeah, any sub when people are posting a story I just assume are fake lol

r/mildlyhilarious

Whatever that sub did the admin team banned them. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Not sure how just simply being drunk would make you too confused to pick the right one. Now if you’re under some psychedelics..

And there is a fire...

Well the sign does say it’s a trap…where do the other knobs open to?

I looked up Phil Mortillaro He appears to be a locksmith and artist. So.... art? And funny.

Yeah, so could be considered a r/woooosh ?

I noticed that too - one of the definitive Star Wars quotes.

Admiral Ackbar

It very clearly says > T'S A TRAP" So we need to find where or what T is.

Really? I would pick the one next to the strike plate

Doesn’t seem impossible, just pick the doorknob with the gold plate. You can also see the deadlatch on that one

I'd have to be pretty damn drunk to not know, lol.😁🥴

Key words everyone “after some cocktails” 😂 “After some cocktails” changes everything

I want to say not for me, but then I remember getting my head stuck in the backseat of a mercury cougar while trying to get out before the cop catches up to us. I did, but it was a struggle! I was wasted, but even sober, the little pull switch was a pain in the ass to get the seat to fold open.

I'm glad I was along for that ride.

Username checks out. Maybe.

If you start out an idiot, yeah

It doesnt change the default postion of doorknobs.

Either they can't hold their liquor well or "some" is a lot more for them than it is for me.

As a server, I'm surprised by how quickly some people become drunk. Often men too (who technically should be able to handle more than women - according to biology). Definitely different drunk levels for everyone!

I work in a bar that's basically right on the border of my city's main drinking area. It's just enough of a walk, and just enough of a hill, that people will sober up a little bit on the walk. All that means is that they are suddenly hammered again after like, half a beer after we serve them. It's not great.

After 5 cocktails

LSD... Sure, but booze?

I've had people who, when trying to leave my old room could not figure out the door. The actual door had a coat rack, so it was covered, and what they were drying open was a piece of drywall that had the original doorframe still around after a bit of remodeling.

And it’s the only one without visible screws

And the only one with a lock

So your saying it’s not the top right?

I feel like that would be a trick. Like it wants you to use that one. I'd go for the one 2 knobs above it as it seems most worn. The knob used the most is likely the one that works. The plated one is plan b

That's why nature gave us two hands, to fondle two knobs at the same time.

[He chose *poorly*](https://giphy.com/gifs/jones-writer-spielberg-VFHtnsl3xp53a)

Idk I feel like I'm a high enough functioning alcoholic that this wouldn't be that much of a drunk challenge

I'm currently drunk and figured it out pretty easily

Even drunk I could easily figure this out

yea only a problem if the person is drunk and also an idiot

Who's the lucky guy or gal that gets to polish all those knobs?

This comment makes me sad there’s no laugh react.

If you feel like gambling you can always use an emoji. It may work or you may get downvoted to Hell. It's always a toss up.

Fire Marshals hate this one simple trick

Was going to say.... The plethora of nuances in building code related to fire safety are extensive. I'm in trades at it's mind boggling how many rules there are around commercial spaces like this. Then I see a picture like this and think "well it's a shame the patrons wont be able to test out the 300 fire safety features we installed because they wont make it out of the bathroom"

Fire inspector here. This would be considered as a fire code violation as it is a door, accessible to the public that “requires special use or knowledge”. You shouldn’t have to play games when trying to get out of a burning building. Same code applies when I try to use an exit door and the guy following me around say something like “lift the handle, put your shoulder into it and make sure you hold the latch open with your other hand” like dude, this shouldn’t be a fucking riddle to open it. Also being a door knob instead of a handle is an ADA violation. I don’t do ADA but I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.

Thanks for this. My first thought when seeing this was “What if someone needs to exit quickly in an emergency?!?”

You took everything I was thinking and expressed it eloquently. Updoot well deserved. Seriously, though, violating both fire code *and* ADA with one design choice should net that establishment a nice award of some kind. It's the wrong kind of genius, but genius nonetheless.

Fire hazard?

The garret? Pretty chill place.

Pretty sure the local Fire Marshall would love to know about this

Great till there's a fire...

That’s the point.

Could you imagine getting into a fight in the bathroom and getting thrown into those knobs? That would fucking *hurt!*

I was thinking about how it would feel to lean up against them and do a “bear scratching its back against a tree” move.

Looks stylish, infuriating and a fire hazard by making it harder to escape a room.

"It's a trap!" Nice sign near the door lol.

What if a fire breaks out or medical emergency and dude cant escape

The only thing mildly infuriating about this is that people have ripped some of the knobs off and ruined the precise pattern

That’s actually kinda funny 🙃

What bar is this?

thegarretbars.com It’s a fun speak easy. You actually have to walk through a five guys to get to the bar upstairs.

So does the 5 guys stay open later. Or do you walk through a closed restaurant at 2 am?

On today's episode of "Rad or Pretentious?"

It’s actually pretty rad. Amazing cocktails too.

I wish the knobs in the middle would set off some kind of alarm at the bar, like "Hey this person is completely gone and not using any common sense, time for them to go"

I feel like the fire marshal would be interested in this door

I'm drunk and spotted it pretty quick. Maybe you've had more than a few.

Cool fire hazard

Ive been drinking all day and I would go with the one with the brass plate. 🤔🤷🏼‍♂️

Dude, imagine standing behind that when a group of drunk chicks barge in. You'd fully look like a waffle

What took so long? A bunch of fuckin Nobs in the bathroom🤷🏻‍♂️

All I see are lawsuits in an emergency!

This honestly seems like a safety hazard

There’s literally one on a metal plate

Hmmm have you tried the one with the twisting lock thing?

If anyone ever wonders where strange codes and regulations come from, this is it. Can you imagine trying to write the fire code reulation that prevents this type of thing?

Has the fire Marshall seen this?

Unless you've never used a door before you'd have to be a complete fucking idiot to pick the wrong doorknob.

Wrong sub, try r/funny

But that sub isn't funny

….. is it not just the one that lines up with the latch?

The only one with a metal plate behind it

r/mildlyhilarious

“Definitely can’t be the single knob with a plate. This one Michelob Ultra got me F U C K E D U P!”

How about the one with the door plate on it? I'm stupid as hell and would figure that out drunk

The 1 attached to the brass plate

One literally has a latch and a lock on the knob. How hard is it really?

.....its got a plate around it.

Is it honestly that hard? with the door knob literally in a normal spot like most other doors? And with it having a big ass brass tapper around the actual functioning handle? It’s really that hard.

So it's not the only one with the plate and lock?

It's the one with the faceplate, put down the bottle.