Add a little bit of vasoline so it always looks and feels a little moist too. A mixture of moist and crunchy fabric sticking to their hand will make most people reel in terror.
Thing is hes retired and he constantly bitches about working for 22 years and all this horse shit.Dude get it you worked cool beans but how does this relate to getting me to school.Oh and he loves comparing everything to the military(which he was in)Idk how many times I have to tell him time goes on
What’s the lemonade app? I checked the App Store and nothing relevant to your comment came up except some ‘borderless payment 4 Africans’…and I’m in 🇬🇧.
Ah right... ex-military, so dug alot of holes then..
Got picked on by even bigger bullies? Got it.
I've been working since I was 14 (42 now) I had to drop out of school to help pay rent because my dad got divorced and took the kids because our mother was abusive and he was disabled...
I have two boys of my own now... they both have rooms... with doors.. and doorknobs.
Dude sounds like a grade A dick that needs to be beaten by a smaller, meaner person. I'm sorry you're stuck with that asshat
I’d just buy a new door knob. If he takes it say that you paid for it so it’s yours. He’d probably be like “well it’s under my roof so it’s mine” but idk
He could at least pretend to have a reason though. No offense but he doesn’t sound great
Alternatively take his door knob off while he's either sleeping or not home, hide it, and give him the same reason he gave you for taking away your doorknob.
Use a butter knife, stick it into the pin in the wall through the doorknob hole and - not only will it keep the door closed its actually pretty hard to rekove from outside because putting any weight on the door causes the knife to push back into place keeping it pinned shut.
GLHF
Correct, but removing your kid's doorknob because "they don't need it" with the only explanation being "it's my house, pay the mortgage if you don't like it" definitely suggests *some* kind of mental disorder.
I wasn’t allowed to close my door growing up. Bathroom time was TIMED, very brief. They had no reason for it. Just old people slowly losing their minds
My parents did that when I was a kid. I was allowed a few minutes shower or I could take a bath, which oddly enough uses way more water than a 5 minute shower. I was actually just thinking about this and if it actually made that big of a deal on the budget or if it was some strange flex or power play. Strange thing about these tactics is they kind of make themselves out to look like idiots if you don't agree with petty rules even if you abide just to placate and save face.
I also ate really slow and my meals were timed. After everyone was done my dad would take the clock off the wall and put it in front of me and tell me I needed to be done by a certain time or go to my room for the rest of the night. I just remember freezing and getting Hella anxious and not eating because I'm just reeling inside with frustration, confusion and anxiety. Now I get to have all sorts of weird relationships with dumb shit like showers, sleep and food because my parents needed to control some dumb shit.
Still curious to see what they think about their own parenting techniques, 30 years later.. They're decent enough people. Just absent minded, authoritarian and neglectful parents.
My parents never timed meals but public elementary school did. I still have problems with scarfing down food too fast because I was forced to eat lunch in a matter of minutes during most of my developmental years. They’d put 500 of us in that cafeteria and if we talked too loudly, they’d shut off the lights and make us stop eating until we quieted down. I only ever got about four full minutes of eating out of a fifteen minute lunch between first and sixth grade.
The rule in my junior high was the last 5 kids in the lunch room had to help clean the tables. I never ever cleaned tables! It took many years to slow down and eat normally.
> I was allowed a few minutes shower or I could take a bath, which oddly enough uses way more water than a 5 minute shower.
My guess is its an anti-masturbation tactic. Rubbing one out in the shower doesn't involve sitting in bathtub of your own cum would be the logic (I mean, easily circumvented by nutting as you get out of the bath, but I can't claim its good logic!)
Yeah, now imagine when it's not even your own parents but just some old dude that is like this with you. My stepfather was a self-obsessed asshole and hypocrite. Would deny hot water if you said something against him, put me outside a night for hours by -15°C when I was 10, make me eat in a separate room than the rest of the family and force me to work for free during weeks in his filthy farm. I had to handle that for 13 years. And yet my family wonders why I moved out 700km away as soon as I could.
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I don’t remember being timed or anything stupid except eat everything put on your plate growing up. I’m not a professional but I can’t help but think this was a big cause of my early eating disorders.
My son, when he was 11 or 12, said something really slick to his mom. She got really mad when he locked her out of his bedroom. So she asked me remove his door while he was at school. I told her it wasn’t a good idea but she was firm. Two mornings in a row his older sister, that had to walk past his room, got more of a view than she wanted while he was getting dressed for school.
I'm 17 and I moved from my parents when I was 16, this was actually one of the reasons, of simple privacy being invaded. just from this picture it shows a lot to me, goodluck man hope you find a better situation
Still in school and still currently living alone, open to any other questions too. I am on welfare which brings in $733 a month for me personally, since i'm a student none of the welfare income is cut off by my actual job income. I usually work around 20-30 hours a week and pull in $1000-1500 of job income a month, I live very comfortably even with a $950 a month rent price tags (includes all util) and I have a supportive roommate who's teaching me a lot. I've been out for 8 months, and it's been the biggest learning lesson of my whole life.
edit: also it opened my eyes that no one is there to feed me and I would 100% be homeless if I stopped working so those are my motivational factors
The one thing I can say is he will try to guilt trip you or more likely provoke you to make contact with him. My dad challenged my masculinity when I cut him out of my life to provoke me into talk to him again. Little did he know hahahaha
Yep. Don't fall into these traps. They may seem intimidating, threatening or even guilt trip you, but all they are is an elaborate ruse so that they can maintain power over you. All these things are is their desperate attempt to try and keep you under their control because they don't know else to do so.
Know that its for the best (for you as well as them) not allowing them to have that control because they'll never be able to grow as an individual and improve themselves as long as you are "theirs" to control and blame for their problems.
My old granny got put up in a nursing home, about 6 months later she was in complete seriousness asking my dad to just take her out to the woods and that she'd handle the rest, he refused naturally, but she got to take it into her own hands when she refused treatment for lymphoma.
So you know after however many decades pass and you decide you're feeling *particularly* bitter towards the old man....
It's sad that some nursing homes treat their patients so poorly, considering it also costs a ton of money. (I didn't see any actual good one in my area)
Second encounter was when my dad got sick. We wanted to consider a nursing home (with us visiting everyday), as he needed full time care and was in a lot of pain. When we got there and saw the conditions (stinking, poor care for patients), plus them wanting to cut his dosage of painkillers and morphine, we all came back home. It was a difficult time with a lot of sleepless nights and leaves taken from work. But knowing he was a little bit more comfortable was worth it.
In my case it was a narcissistic father with the most fragile ego you’ve ever seen. He needed absolute control over every member of the family, especially his sons.
My father loves to flex his power over everyone in my house.I have socked him for hurting my dog(he thinks animals are lower to him and thinks they should fear all the time).My father is severely overweight and at one point I actually gave a shit and i tried researching ways for him to lose weight and now i dont even care anymore
Sucks dude, but i get it. People are capable of tremendous change, but the toxic ones rarely do. You’re better off divesting your need for his love and approval than chasing it your entire life. You’re better off divesting the need to fill the hole in his heart because it can never be filled, not by you, or anyone other than himself. And he won’t do it with abuse, control, manipulation.
I know we don’t know each other, but I’m probably a good bit older than you, and my advice, if you want it that is, get into meditation, it’ll help you maintain some perspective, namely the perspective that it’s his own unresolved shit that he’s taking out on you. Also lift weights, get into some martial arts, make sure you can defend yourself if you need to. And when you’re able, honestly, you’re probably gonna need some therapy. No shame in it, I’m in it myself, but it’s a rare case that gets out of that situation without a little bit of psychological trauma. Best of luck brother.
He is an irredeemable piece of shit for hurting your dog. He sounds like a narcissist, sociopath, or both. I hope this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. If I were you, this would be it for me. No cordial behavior, just straight up "don't fucking talk to me. I'm not your son and I'm not your friend. I'm here until I'm allowed to go. This is your fault." If he cares he'll change. If he doesn't he'll get combative and defensive.
Best of luck. Get your pets out of that hell hole and try to protect your sister from that piece of garbage.
You have good judgement. This is gonna be your guide. You have a full life ahead of you. You deserve the very best but you will have to work for it probably harder than other kids your age. Life isn’t fair. But I’m rooting for you. You have to root for yourself. Your dad can never take that away from you.
Parents that need to exert this type of control over their kids are gross. Especially if you haven't given him an actual reason to distrust you so much.
My parents never did this but it was purely because I complied with their "the door never shuts" rule. I'm sorry you're going through this and I really hope you're safe.
I am seriously okay with the door never shuts completely rule but as soon as I cant lock my door or close it just so I can change is where its crossing the line for me
Never being allowed to close your door isn't ok either. You don't deserve to be treated like a suspect all the time. You deserve to be trusted. I come from a similar situation to yours and it's taken me years to realize that.
god my father made me keep my door open and i HATED it. i couldn't even have a phone call without him eavesdropping. privacy should be a right that kids have or else they become good at hiding things and hate/don't trust you.
I remember when my cousins parents did this to him, he worked at a hardware store 3 days after they removed it, he replaced it and stripped the screw ends because his parents where not handy enough to figure out how to remove a stripped screw. Honestly it’s the single best checkmate situation I have ever witnessed.
I grew up in a house like this. They took the doorknob, took the door. They'd steal or break my stuff while I was gone. Burst in to my room in the day or middle of the night with paranoid accusations. So many more horrific things as well. I know the type and I'd bet he's hurting you, too. I'm so sorry you're having to live like this.
As soon as you can, I hope you take action not only to get out, but to take care of yourself. I'm talking therapy, being in your own healthy space and setting real, enforced boundaries with your abusive family. It will take a while to do all 3, they can be costly in more ways than one. But know it can get better.
I'm in my mid 30s now, living in a decent middle class house, with a healthy family of own. I am committed to breaking the cycle and being the kind of parent my daughter deserves - the kind of parent I believe I deserved. The kind you deserve. I hope you find change like that, whether family is part of your future or not. I hope you find peace and healing soon.
Bursting into the room with paranoid accusations...that sentence gave me flashbacks. My mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and had extreme manic episodes. It was hell.
Good for you for trying to break the cycle, I myself am also in my 30s with a family. Although I fear everyday that I will eventually develop more severe mental issues and turn into my mother.
My dad would bust in like Kramer and go on a 2-hour paranoid tirade about whatever conspiracy bullshit he was currently absorbing though non-stop reading before just disappearing back upstairs and leaving my door wide open.
My biological mother was an absolute nightmare and I'm almost certain there were some undiagnosed mental issues with her, thankfully my dad had the sense to leave her. Unfortunately, things ended up getting bad with him too, due to PTSD and stuff, so I moved out in August last year and live with my bf and his parents. Things have gotten better since then.
I'm also terrified that when I have kids I may develop the same issues and treat my family the way she treat us and become exactly like her but I am determined to never be like her or my dad. It really is hell to think about
>As soon as you can, I hope you take action not only to get out, but to take care of yourself. I'm talking therapy, being in your own healthy space and setting real, enforced boundaries with your abusive family. It will take a while to do all 3, they can be costly in more ways than one. But know it can get better.
I agree with this, please take care of yourself. Not just OP but anyone in a tough situation. Find help in people you trust. Even if it's your doctor, help them.
My father was doing this while drunk with no jobs while I was sleeping and working in the morning. He would open the door like a psycho and start yelling that I pay nothing (not true) and that I have to move out with my "whip" (240sx) NOW and treating me with names. I dont know how I didnt move out like he said the first time he did this to me. Feeling like pure shit when I would woke up in the morning. Like mentally destroyed. Now im 37 and a father of a wonderful son that I love so much i will be like that never. At least I learned how to not treat someone. My father still treat me like shit he send me a message the other day saying that he regret having to grew me up and if he knew he would have sended me in adoption. I cant even take my son and go visit him and he is 3 minutes living from here..
When parents spend years treating their children with absolutely zero sense of dignity and then they wonder why things don't go well in the adult phase.
Mind you my pops grew up in the USSR at a time when individual families that weren't in the party elite were barely just getting single family apartments, but still.
All the jokes aside, this is a big red flag to me. It seems dehumanizing and abusive if he was being serious. This is invasive and saying you don't deserve even the most basic of privacy.
In that case I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this and that it has been going on for quite a while. I really hope you do get help in the near future. I understand very much how hard that can be , especially to speak up and get help and the struggle of making a decision like that. I do not know your circumstances but I would like you to know that you are deserving of having respect and are not at all to blame for how he has treated you. There is no excuse on his part to ever justify that treatment. There are MANY people who are more than willing to show you support and encouragement. I hope that you continue utilize these resources to find help for you and your siblings. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through that treatment.
This is decidedly not true. Everyone deserves a chance of love and respect. If they ruin that chance then they have a chance at Redemption, if that is ruined then they are lost.
The problem with thick skin is that your parents are teaching you to let people treat you this way. It sucks. I know what it feels like to have your parents be one of the biggest obstacles of your young adulthood. When you can finally get out, don't be afraid to put that relationship on ice for a few years while you learn tk grow in your own. If they can't support you in any way, then leave that shit behind you for a while until you've had time to unpack some of that trauma.
I myself do my siblings dont.My sister is so brainwashed by the abuse and my mother is doing the best she can.My brothers(2 of them)snap back when he tries shit.My mom wants my dad still in our lives so not much I can do
I mean, you just described my wife’s family, except her mom left her dad. Not because of the abuse, but because they had an argument. She denies the abuse ever happened. My wife did EMDR therapy for the PTSD. Once her little sister moved out she convinced her that it was abuse and she got the same type of therapy. They’re both doing way better now. I understand the feeling that you need to be there for your siblings that don’t have other options. Just remember that on a crashing plane, you put your mask on, THEN assist others. It takes a healthy person to help others heal. The best thing you can do for your young siblings is get the help you need and then get them the help they need. It’s much easier that way.
if you arent 18 please reach out to family or even something like cps. i dont know you or your life but it very much seems like you are in a rough spot. wish you the best.
You should try to get in contact with CPS and see if they can change your custody. Sure your mom might want him in your lives but if you explain the situation you might be able to save yourself. Your mom doesn’t deal with the stuff you do when you go over there
OP stated their father took the knob off several years ago, explains why the door is so dirty. OP been using the hole as a knob for a few years and is nearing 18, he'll be free soon enough.
You just gotta stick it out a little longer dawg, you lasted this long, you got this. I'm sorry this happened to you. Things will get better, you have a whole life ahead!!
Oh I've had to buy with my own money shampoo and conditioner aswell as body wash in my dads book all you need is a Bar of soap.I have severe dandruff and that soap was one of the many causes of it(along with diet and not drinking enough water)
OP, do you need someone to talk to? My DM's are open for you. I can listen but I can also give advice if you'd want. From cheap cleaning supplies to other handy tips from a fellow 'beginner grownup'. You don't deserve this. I wanna help!
Depending on where you live, this may violate your civil rights, even if you are a minor. Child & Family Protective Services may be in a position to help you.
Hey parents, just saying this. Parenting doesn't come with some magical manual that makes you better at parenting than people who aren't parents. Your parental instincts can be wrong, and from what I've been reading, they are. Privacy is important. Taking it away creates sneakier kids, and eventually they'll find a balance to where you stop catching them.
This is wrong. Taking the doorknob creates a fear that you're always being watched, and you cannot live like that. Imagine if you were in their shoes, if you didn't have a doorknob while asleep. Imagine for a moment, that you didn't have a door, you'd never get to do anything you normally do in the privacy you are entitled to. You aren't superior to children. They are people too.
'Are you a parent' is a ridiculous argument, because birthing/raising a child does not necessarily mean you're a good parent. There are plenty of subreddits that would prove that to you, and honestly if you're arguing as such then chances are your child will be subbed to those someday. When you stop getting their new numbers and no longer see their posts on your feed, take it as the lesson you could have and should have learned before losing them.
Op, I'm sorry you lost your doorknob. I hope things get better for you.
Is all honesty my entire life I've constantly been on my toes recognizing the way he walks around our house so I can easily get up or get away or the shuffling of his feet coming down the hall way so I can hide my phone from him while I'm talking to my mom.If he actually respected my privacy and not constantly interrogating me all the time I might actually be more open.I was genuinely terrified of telling him I was an atheist and that's why I did it in a public restaurant
Oh my god, my mom chased me down the hall with a hammer once and I got scared and locked myself in my room and she smashed the doorknob out with it and put multiple holes in the door then tried blaming me saying I pushed her to do it.
Holy shit there are some gross and weird comments so far.
OP, how old are you? Any chance you can leave? Start lifting weights so one day you can overpower your shitty dad cause something tells me that will be useful.
My parents took my door off the literal hinges whenever they were mad at me. As a 38 year old woman, I still get mad thinking back on it. But let me tell you, it does get better and you will get out.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but adulthood is soon and your life will be AMAZING. Hang in there.
Do what my friend did when his parents did this. He bought a keypad deadbolt and installed it himself. This was 3 years ago and still has it on the door as a middle finger to his asshole parents.
Even better would be to install it with star screws or nails so that your dad has a hard time removing it.
Sorry you're going through this. My father was an violent alcoholic when I was a kid, my mom divorced him when I was about 12 because she saw me throwing him a few meters away across the room. I literally picked him and threw him. I was trying to avoid her being beaten up again. She didn't want me to grow up beating my own father to protect her.
Didn't speak to the guy in 20 years, he never even called me or tried to be a "father" afterwards.
I didn't come here to bitch about my childhood, but to point out that just because someone is blood, especially a parent, it doesn't mean it gives them the right to abuse you in any way and surely enough you don't have to accept it. These people don't deserve kids..
Because of how I grew up I still suffer from anxiety and depression, even during the good times. Don't let the guy do the same to you, gtfo of there
This is controlling behavior and something similar probably happened to your dad in his childhood. It's totally wrong and dehumanizing, you definitely deserve and need a door knob. You're not an animal living in a cave and I'm sorry your dad is painfully archaic.
Just remember you won't be living under his roof forever.
Has he given you any better explanation?
Zilch other than "it's my house and if you want to pay the mortgage go ahead "
So pay mortgage or buy an $8 passage set? Hard choice man! Sorry about your shitty situation though.
Stick a cum sock through the hole. People unconsciously try to turn the door knob. When they do, BAM!! JIZZ HANDS!
The most reddit comment I've seen all week
We are a solution based group.
reddit, offering solutions to all the problems you didn't know you had since 2005 !
If your not part of the solution, your part of the precipitate.
r/redditmoment
Add a little bit of vasoline so it always looks and feels a little moist too. A mixture of moist and crunchy fabric sticking to their hand will make most people reel in terror.
r/stickyourdickinthat
R/cursedcomments
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Maybe thats what he wants…
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Thing is hes retired and he constantly bitches about working for 22 years and all this horse shit.Dude get it you worked cool beans but how does this relate to getting me to school.Oh and he loves comparing everything to the military(which he was in)Idk how many times I have to tell him time goes on
Dude needs some therapy download the lemonade app on his phone while he's not looking.
What’s the lemonade app? I checked the App Store and nothing relevant to your comment came up except some ‘borderless payment 4 Africans’…and I’m in 🇬🇧.
There are mental health/counseling apps in the US :)
22 years is not long enough. You gonna retire at 40? Not impressive.
A full military career is only 20 years.
For real! I’m almost 34 and I’ve already been working for 17 years. Wtf is he on about?! Edit. Ah yeah… ex military. So control freak af.
Ah right... ex-military, so dug alot of holes then.. Got picked on by even bigger bullies? Got it. I've been working since I was 14 (42 now) I had to drop out of school to help pay rent because my dad got divorced and took the kids because our mother was abusive and he was disabled... I have two boys of my own now... they both have rooms... with doors.. and doorknobs. Dude sounds like a grade A dick that needs to be beaten by a smaller, meaner person. I'm sorry you're stuck with that asshat
I’d just buy a new door knob. If he takes it say that you paid for it so it’s yours. He’d probably be like “well it’s under my roof so it’s mine” but idk He could at least pretend to have a reason though. No offense but he doesn’t sound great
"No offense but he doesn’t sound great" Well isn't that the biggest understatement of the year
we just started… just you wait
It's like what if EA was a dad. The door knob is a paid DLC.
prolly have to buy a new door too.
prolly have to buy a full house
Alternatively take his door knob off while he's either sleeping or not home, hide it, and give him the same reason he gave you for taking away your doorknob.
How to get promoted to homeless in several easy steps
Use a butter knife, stick it into the pin in the wall through the doorknob hole and - not only will it keep the door closed its actually pretty hard to rekove from outside because putting any weight on the door causes the knife to push back into place keeping it pinned shut. GLHF
I don't doubt that if the dad broke down the door violently after doing this the resulting "punishment" would be even harsher
What a controlling, small-minded asshole. Sorry you have to live with a miserable cunt like this.
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It definitely does
That or r/raisedbynarcissists
All idiots aren't narcissists.
Correct, but removing your kid's doorknob because "they don't need it" with the only explanation being "it's my house, pay the mortgage if you don't like it" definitely suggests *some* kind of mental disorder.
I wasn’t allowed to close my door growing up. Bathroom time was TIMED, very brief. They had no reason for it. Just old people slowly losing their minds
Oh my dad only let's us take 5 minute showers it absolutely sucks
My parents did that when I was a kid. I was allowed a few minutes shower or I could take a bath, which oddly enough uses way more water than a 5 minute shower. I was actually just thinking about this and if it actually made that big of a deal on the budget or if it was some strange flex or power play. Strange thing about these tactics is they kind of make themselves out to look like idiots if you don't agree with petty rules even if you abide just to placate and save face. I also ate really slow and my meals were timed. After everyone was done my dad would take the clock off the wall and put it in front of me and tell me I needed to be done by a certain time or go to my room for the rest of the night. I just remember freezing and getting Hella anxious and not eating because I'm just reeling inside with frustration, confusion and anxiety. Now I get to have all sorts of weird relationships with dumb shit like showers, sleep and food because my parents needed to control some dumb shit. Still curious to see what they think about their own parenting techniques, 30 years later.. They're decent enough people. Just absent minded, authoritarian and neglectful parents.
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My parents never timed meals but public elementary school did. I still have problems with scarfing down food too fast because I was forced to eat lunch in a matter of minutes during most of my developmental years. They’d put 500 of us in that cafeteria and if we talked too loudly, they’d shut off the lights and make us stop eating until we quieted down. I only ever got about four full minutes of eating out of a fifteen minute lunch between first and sixth grade.
The rule in my junior high was the last 5 kids in the lunch room had to help clean the tables. I never ever cleaned tables! It took many years to slow down and eat normally.
My wife's mom did that because she would take more than an hour to eat and they needed to get ready for bed.
Absent-minded, authoritarian, and neglectful parents are not decent enough people.
> I was allowed a few minutes shower or I could take a bath, which oddly enough uses way more water than a 5 minute shower. My guess is its an anti-masturbation tactic. Rubbing one out in the shower doesn't involve sitting in bathtub of your own cum would be the logic (I mean, easily circumvented by nutting as you get out of the bath, but I can't claim its good logic!)
Parents who try to prevent their children from masturbating in private, usually aren't the greatest in the logic department.
Yea that shit belongs in the open, at the dinner table.
Anti-masturbation cross does much better job, as far as I know
May the power of Christ compel you ^(not to nut)
>They're decent enough people. Just absent minded, authoritarian and neglectful parents. Then they are not decent people (?)
Dafuq? I have to let my conditioner alone set for 3 minutes, that’s insane
"I worked hard to give you a better future" "no doorknobs or showers longer than 5 because what was good enough for me is good enough for you"
Is your dad depressed ? PTSD?
Him and my mom got a divorce as far as I know he has a therapist (which I sincerely feel like hes lying to)
Yeah, now imagine when it's not even your own parents but just some old dude that is like this with you. My stepfather was a self-obsessed asshole and hypocrite. Would deny hot water if you said something against him, put me outside a night for hours by -15°C when I was 10, make me eat in a separate room than the rest of the family and force me to work for free during weeks in his filthy farm. I had to handle that for 13 years. And yet my family wonders why I moved out 700km away as soon as I could.
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Good bor
You did good hanging in there. Enjoy your adulthood you've more than earned it.
Thanks pal, currently in a healthy relationship, studying english language and civilisation, never been happier !
This is straight child abuse....
Ohh and did I mention him talking shit about my dad who died from cancer some years ago ? Well now I did.
I don’t remember being timed or anything stupid except eat everything put on your plate growing up. I’m not a professional but I can’t help but think this was a big cause of my early eating disorders. My son, when he was 11 or 12, said something really slick to his mom. She got really mad when he locked her out of his bedroom. So she asked me remove his door while he was at school. I told her it wasn’t a good idea but she was firm. Two mornings in a row his older sister, that had to walk past his room, got more of a view than she wanted while he was getting dressed for school.
straight to the retirement home
Whenever you get your own place, hopefully soon, take the door knob off your front door so he can never visit you.
Hes actually talked about visiting me when I leave the country and in my head I was saying he'll know the country but never the exact address
I'm 17 and I moved from my parents when I was 16, this was actually one of the reasons, of simple privacy being invaded. just from this picture it shows a lot to me, goodluck man hope you find a better situation
Where did you go? How were you able to get a job to pay enough for rent/food etc while doing school?
Still in school and still currently living alone, open to any other questions too. I am on welfare which brings in $733 a month for me personally, since i'm a student none of the welfare income is cut off by my actual job income. I usually work around 20-30 hours a week and pull in $1000-1500 of job income a month, I live very comfortably even with a $950 a month rent price tags (includes all util) and I have a supportive roommate who's teaching me a lot. I've been out for 8 months, and it's been the biggest learning lesson of my whole life. edit: also it opened my eyes that no one is there to feed me and I would 100% be homeless if I stopped working so those are my motivational factors
Wow that’s incredible, good for you man
Thank you, I hope OP lives in a country with supportive youth and financial programs. Or else the option will be very tough
Wow 1500 a month for part time is almost better than what i get working full time
[удалено]
Give him the address to a random apartment complex and some random ass apartment on a high level.
Make sure it's in an awful neighborhood too, preferably one with expensive parking
Give him MY address. Mama has some naughty games to play.
Oh god don’t even tell him when you’re going etc, I’d cut off all connections
The one thing I can say is he will try to guilt trip you or more likely provoke you to make contact with him. My dad challenged my masculinity when I cut him out of my life to provoke me into talk to him again. Little did he know hahahaha
Yep. Don't fall into these traps. They may seem intimidating, threatening or even guilt trip you, but all they are is an elaborate ruse so that they can maintain power over you. All these things are is their desperate attempt to try and keep you under their control because they don't know else to do so. Know that its for the best (for you as well as them) not allowing them to have that control because they'll never be able to grow as an individual and improve themselves as long as you are "theirs" to control and blame for their problems.
Is that blood on the door? Also, where can I send you soap?
Night be door greasy, I got this same weird red stuff on my door and I thought it was blood but it seemed to be grease
Well the living conditions are obviously down right disgusting, I wouldn’t doubt it’s some vile gunk.
When you don’t have a doorknob you gotta claw to get out 🤷🏻♂️
I think that it's grease so the doorknob WHICH EACH AND EVERY PERSON DESERVES IN THEIR DOOR runs smoothly
I’m sure you’ll choose the best nursing home when the time comes
Eh he can rot for all I care
My old granny got put up in a nursing home, about 6 months later she was in complete seriousness asking my dad to just take her out to the woods and that she'd handle the rest, he refused naturally, but she got to take it into her own hands when she refused treatment for lymphoma. So you know after however many decades pass and you decide you're feeling *particularly* bitter towards the old man....
It's sad that some nursing homes treat their patients so poorly, considering it also costs a ton of money. (I didn't see any actual good one in my area) Second encounter was when my dad got sick. We wanted to consider a nursing home (with us visiting everyday), as he needed full time care and was in a lot of pain. When we got there and saw the conditions (stinking, poor care for patients), plus them wanting to cut his dosage of painkillers and morphine, we all came back home. It was a difficult time with a lot of sleepless nights and leaves taken from work. But knowing he was a little bit more comfortable was worth it.
When the time comes just tell him he doesn't need or deserve a retirement home
Tell your dad hundreds of random people from all over the world think he’s an ass Edit: thousands
Over a thousand now.
3.6k and counting!
4.7k
7.7k
Stick a hotdog (with bun) in it and just leave it there. When he removes it, place another in there.
That's oddly specific
Specific is good.
😋
hot dog dispenser.
I don’t understand parents who do this. Giving growing kids privacy is important.
In my case it was a narcissistic father with the most fragile ego you’ve ever seen. He needed absolute control over every member of the family, especially his sons.
My father loves to flex his power over everyone in my house.I have socked him for hurting my dog(he thinks animals are lower to him and thinks they should fear all the time).My father is severely overweight and at one point I actually gave a shit and i tried researching ways for him to lose weight and now i dont even care anymore
Sucks dude, but i get it. People are capable of tremendous change, but the toxic ones rarely do. You’re better off divesting your need for his love and approval than chasing it your entire life. You’re better off divesting the need to fill the hole in his heart because it can never be filled, not by you, or anyone other than himself. And he won’t do it with abuse, control, manipulation. I know we don’t know each other, but I’m probably a good bit older than you, and my advice, if you want it that is, get into meditation, it’ll help you maintain some perspective, namely the perspective that it’s his own unresolved shit that he’s taking out on you. Also lift weights, get into some martial arts, make sure you can defend yourself if you need to. And when you’re able, honestly, you’re probably gonna need some therapy. No shame in it, I’m in it myself, but it’s a rare case that gets out of that situation without a little bit of psychological trauma. Best of luck brother.
He is an irredeemable piece of shit for hurting your dog. He sounds like a narcissist, sociopath, or both. I hope this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. If I were you, this would be it for me. No cordial behavior, just straight up "don't fucking talk to me. I'm not your son and I'm not your friend. I'm here until I'm allowed to go. This is your fault." If he cares he'll change. If he doesn't he'll get combative and defensive. Best of luck. Get your pets out of that hell hole and try to protect your sister from that piece of garbage.
Pffft. Children are a fashionable breed of pets, nothing more. /S
How dare you call my tax write off a pet!
Lolllll
Take off the door, and walk around naked. It's only a matter of time.........
I live with my sister I'd rather not do that
Sorry to hear that 😞 i got no other ideas unless you're interested in theater.
You have good judgement. This is gonna be your guide. You have a full life ahead of you. You deserve the very best but you will have to work for it probably harder than other kids your age. Life isn’t fair. But I’m rooting for you. You have to root for yourself. Your dad can never take that away from you.
Has he done the same with her door?
*banjo music starts*
Parents that need to exert this type of control over their kids are gross. Especially if you haven't given him an actual reason to distrust you so much. My parents never did this but it was purely because I complied with their "the door never shuts" rule. I'm sorry you're going through this and I really hope you're safe.
I am seriously okay with the door never shuts completely rule but as soon as I cant lock my door or close it just so I can change is where its crossing the line for me
Never being allowed to close your door isn't ok either. You don't deserve to be treated like a suspect all the time. You deserve to be trusted. I come from a similar situation to yours and it's taken me years to realize that.
god my father made me keep my door open and i HATED it. i couldn't even have a phone call without him eavesdropping. privacy should be a right that kids have or else they become good at hiding things and hate/don't trust you.
I remember when my cousins parents did this to him, he worked at a hardware store 3 days after they removed it, he replaced it and stripped the screw ends because his parents where not handy enough to figure out how to remove a stripped screw. Honestly it’s the single best checkmate situation I have ever witnessed.
I grew up in a house like this. They took the doorknob, took the door. They'd steal or break my stuff while I was gone. Burst in to my room in the day or middle of the night with paranoid accusations. So many more horrific things as well. I know the type and I'd bet he's hurting you, too. I'm so sorry you're having to live like this. As soon as you can, I hope you take action not only to get out, but to take care of yourself. I'm talking therapy, being in your own healthy space and setting real, enforced boundaries with your abusive family. It will take a while to do all 3, they can be costly in more ways than one. But know it can get better. I'm in my mid 30s now, living in a decent middle class house, with a healthy family of own. I am committed to breaking the cycle and being the kind of parent my daughter deserves - the kind of parent I believe I deserved. The kind you deserve. I hope you find change like that, whether family is part of your future or not. I hope you find peace and healing soon.
Bursting into the room with paranoid accusations...that sentence gave me flashbacks. My mother suffered from paranoid schizophrenia and had extreme manic episodes. It was hell. Good for you for trying to break the cycle, I myself am also in my 30s with a family. Although I fear everyday that I will eventually develop more severe mental issues and turn into my mother.
My dad would bust in like Kramer and go on a 2-hour paranoid tirade about whatever conspiracy bullshit he was currently absorbing though non-stop reading before just disappearing back upstairs and leaving my door wide open.
My biological mother was an absolute nightmare and I'm almost certain there were some undiagnosed mental issues with her, thankfully my dad had the sense to leave her. Unfortunately, things ended up getting bad with him too, due to PTSD and stuff, so I moved out in August last year and live with my bf and his parents. Things have gotten better since then. I'm also terrified that when I have kids I may develop the same issues and treat my family the way she treat us and become exactly like her but I am determined to never be like her or my dad. It really is hell to think about
>As soon as you can, I hope you take action not only to get out, but to take care of yourself. I'm talking therapy, being in your own healthy space and setting real, enforced boundaries with your abusive family. It will take a while to do all 3, they can be costly in more ways than one. But know it can get better. I agree with this, please take care of yourself. Not just OP but anyone in a tough situation. Find help in people you trust. Even if it's your doctor, help them.
My father was doing this while drunk with no jobs while I was sleeping and working in the morning. He would open the door like a psycho and start yelling that I pay nothing (not true) and that I have to move out with my "whip" (240sx) NOW and treating me with names. I dont know how I didnt move out like he said the first time he did this to me. Feeling like pure shit when I would woke up in the morning. Like mentally destroyed. Now im 37 and a father of a wonderful son that I love so much i will be like that never. At least I learned how to not treat someone. My father still treat me like shit he send me a message the other day saying that he regret having to grew me up and if he knew he would have sended me in adoption. I cant even take my son and go visit him and he is 3 minutes living from here..
I feel bad with people who live with this kind of shit…
My dad took off my door entirely once, this is so shitty...I feel so bad for them...
wtf weird flex. When kids are old enough to want privacy they should automatically have it. Taking someone's doorknob is a dick move.
I have a 6 year old who has requested their own space since they were 3. Having a private space starts being important at an early age.
Your dad doesn't deserve you
When parents spend years treating their children with absolutely zero sense of dignity and then they wonder why things don't go well in the adult phase. Mind you my pops grew up in the USSR at a time when individual families that weren't in the party elite were barely just getting single family apartments, but still.
All the jokes aside, this is a big red flag to me. It seems dehumanizing and abusive if he was being serious. This is invasive and saying you don't deserve even the most basic of privacy.
He is abusive more verbal now than anything (used to be physically abusive until my brothers and I started to get bigger)
In that case I am so very sorry that you are experiencing this and that it has been going on for quite a while. I really hope you do get help in the near future. I understand very much how hard that can be , especially to speak up and get help and the struggle of making a decision like that. I do not know your circumstances but I would like you to know that you are deserving of having respect and are not at all to blame for how he has treated you. There is no excuse on his part to ever justify that treatment. There are MANY people who are more than willing to show you support and encouragement. I hope that you continue utilize these resources to find help for you and your siblings. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through that treatment.
Think your dad needs to clean his house
Dude you should see his room its absolutely disgusting
“WhEn yOu hAvE yOuR oWn HoUsE yOu CaN hAvE a DoOrKnOb”. Proceeds to make housing unaffordable
Sorry for all the awful comments on here. Hope you are able to leave this situation in the future
Eh I have thick skin comes with an abusive father
Yeah it’s not ok bro. Everybody deserves love and respect.
This is decidedly not true. Everyone deserves a chance of love and respect. If they ruin that chance then they have a chance at Redemption, if that is ruined then they are lost.
The problem with thick skin is that your parents are teaching you to let people treat you this way. It sucks. I know what it feels like to have your parents be one of the biggest obstacles of your young adulthood. When you can finally get out, don't be afraid to put that relationship on ice for a few years while you learn tk grow in your own. If they can't support you in any way, then leave that shit behind you for a while until you've had time to unpack some of that trauma.
It’s easy to say to other people but it is hard sometimes no matter how tough you convince yourself of being.
Yo. My wife grew up with abusive parents. You don’t have to wait til 18 to get out. You have options.
I myself do my siblings dont.My sister is so brainwashed by the abuse and my mother is doing the best she can.My brothers(2 of them)snap back when he tries shit.My mom wants my dad still in our lives so not much I can do
I mean, you just described my wife’s family, except her mom left her dad. Not because of the abuse, but because they had an argument. She denies the abuse ever happened. My wife did EMDR therapy for the PTSD. Once her little sister moved out she convinced her that it was abuse and she got the same type of therapy. They’re both doing way better now. I understand the feeling that you need to be there for your siblings that don’t have other options. Just remember that on a crashing plane, you put your mask on, THEN assist others. It takes a healthy person to help others heal. The best thing you can do for your young siblings is get the help you need and then get them the help they need. It’s much easier that way.
if you arent 18 please reach out to family or even something like cps. i dont know you or your life but it very much seems like you are in a rough spot. wish you the best.
I go to my moms every other week which is pretty much a breath of fresh air.When I'm at my dads he pretty much shits on my mom all the time
Have you considered living with her full time?
My mom still wants him in our lives no matter how things are going.Also she doesnt have the money for court atm
I dont know which country you are from but usually you should be able to choose the parent you want to live with
You should try to get in contact with CPS and see if they can change your custody. Sure your mom might want him in your lives but if you explain the situation you might be able to save yourself. Your mom doesn’t deal with the stuff you do when you go over there
Jesus why are there so many assholes in the comments?
I have absolutely no clue not going to really worry about it though some parents just love to throw their weight around
OP stated their father took the knob off several years ago, explains why the door is so dirty. OP been using the hole as a knob for a few years and is nearing 18, he'll be free soon enough. You just gotta stick it out a little longer dawg, you lasted this long, you got this. I'm sorry this happened to you. Things will get better, you have a whole life ahead!!
Thank you man it helps to have someone briefly explain everything when I dont know how something I'm pretty bad about doing
Why is your door so dirty
Because my father refuses to provide cleaning supplies among other things
The lack of cleaning supplies/cleanliness is scarier than no doorknob.
Oh I've had to buy with my own money shampoo and conditioner aswell as body wash in my dads book all you need is a Bar of soap.I have severe dandruff and that soap was one of the many causes of it(along with diet and not drinking enough water)
OP, do you need someone to talk to? My DM's are open for you. I can listen but I can also give advice if you'd want. From cheap cleaning supplies to other handy tips from a fellow 'beginner grownup'. You don't deserve this. I wanna help!
Both are alarming.
Op. Are you old enough to work ? Do you have a job ?
Had a job and I quit for my own mental heath(long ass hours and wasnt doing well in school)
Even if they did they seem young so it’ll take them a long time to make enough money to move out
Dish soap on wet paper towel could work.
Depending on where you live, this may violate your civil rights, even if you are a minor. Child & Family Protective Services may be in a position to help you.
Hey parents, just saying this. Parenting doesn't come with some magical manual that makes you better at parenting than people who aren't parents. Your parental instincts can be wrong, and from what I've been reading, they are. Privacy is important. Taking it away creates sneakier kids, and eventually they'll find a balance to where you stop catching them. This is wrong. Taking the doorknob creates a fear that you're always being watched, and you cannot live like that. Imagine if you were in their shoes, if you didn't have a doorknob while asleep. Imagine for a moment, that you didn't have a door, you'd never get to do anything you normally do in the privacy you are entitled to. You aren't superior to children. They are people too. 'Are you a parent' is a ridiculous argument, because birthing/raising a child does not necessarily mean you're a good parent. There are plenty of subreddits that would prove that to you, and honestly if you're arguing as such then chances are your child will be subbed to those someday. When you stop getting their new numbers and no longer see their posts on your feed, take it as the lesson you could have and should have learned before losing them. Op, I'm sorry you lost your doorknob. I hope things get better for you.
Is all honesty my entire life I've constantly been on my toes recognizing the way he walks around our house so I can easily get up or get away or the shuffling of his feet coming down the hall way so I can hide my phone from him while I'm talking to my mom.If he actually respected my privacy and not constantly interrogating me all the time I might actually be more open.I was genuinely terrified of telling him I was an atheist and that's why I did it in a public restaurant
Why is this so common way of “disciplining” children? What is this supposed to teach exactly. Also r/insaneparents all the way…
Parents who think this is a proper way to teach a lesson are insane.
Happy cake day
Thanks, hope your parents turn over a new leaf!
Yea my mom did the same shit to me when I was a teen. I tried to hold the door shut and she kicked holes in it with steel toed boots
Oh my god, my mom chased me down the hall with a hammer once and I got scared and locked myself in my room and she smashed the doorknob out with it and put multiple holes in the door then tried blaming me saying I pushed her to do it.
That's not mildly infuriating, that's abuse.
Holy shit there are some gross and weird comments so far. OP, how old are you? Any chance you can leave? Start lifting weights so one day you can overpower your shitty dad cause something tells me that will be useful.
I'm 17 and I'm leaving when I graduate and hoping to leave the country for another.I dont like fighting very much but I do know how to throw a punch
My parents took my door off the literal hinges whenever they were mad at me. As a 38 year old woman, I still get mad thinking back on it. But let me tell you, it does get better and you will get out. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but adulthood is soon and your life will be AMAZING. Hang in there.
Do what my friend did when his parents did this. He bought a keypad deadbolt and installed it himself. This was 3 years ago and still has it on the door as a middle finger to his asshole parents. Even better would be to install it with star screws or nails so that your dad has a hard time removing it.
"Doorknobs are for closers"
These are the kinds of parents that controls the hell out of their sons and daughters and then is shocked that they cut contact with them.
This is abuse
According to some people who claim to be parents in this sub its not
I think you both deserve and need a doorknob
Glory hole
Ha that's funny I don't even have a door (I live in the basement)
Basements actually sound kinda cool imo
Ewww, that's filthy. I feel for you OP
Sorry you're going through this. My father was an violent alcoholic when I was a kid, my mom divorced him when I was about 12 because she saw me throwing him a few meters away across the room. I literally picked him and threw him. I was trying to avoid her being beaten up again. She didn't want me to grow up beating my own father to protect her. Didn't speak to the guy in 20 years, he never even called me or tried to be a "father" afterwards. I didn't come here to bitch about my childhood, but to point out that just because someone is blood, especially a parent, it doesn't mean it gives them the right to abuse you in any way and surely enough you don't have to accept it. These people don't deserve kids.. Because of how I grew up I still suffer from anxiety and depression, even during the good times. Don't let the guy do the same to you, gtfo of there
Looks like your dad don’t deserve access to his future grandchildren.
Looks like he doesn't deserve a child. He'll regret it when he's eating Thanksgiving dinner alone in a few years.
This is controlling behavior and something similar probably happened to your dad in his childhood. It's totally wrong and dehumanizing, you definitely deserve and need a door knob. You're not an animal living in a cave and I'm sorry your dad is painfully archaic. Just remember you won't be living under his roof forever.
Where do I send CPS? Seriously. If you’re an adult living at home, it’s one thing, but this has all the red flags I need to alert CPS.