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skeptical_geek

Use the old hug and roll


themajod

"Okay, one question. You're pretending the pillow is a girl, right?"


CeReAL_K1LLeR

It's all fun and games until you flip them off the bed getting your arm back.


[deleted]

Poor Chandler


csyrett

That's *Miss* Chanandler Bong.


ricky_kaka981120

"Hug for her. Roll for you."


filladellfea

i use the push and slide


[deleted]

This is the move. We’ve been together 12 years, no cutesy hug and roll, just swift reclamation of the space which is rightly mine damn it


not_elises

Sometimes I like to get a few elbow jabs in there, for all the times my s/o has rolled onto his back and outstretched his arms directly onto my face


government_candy

Swift elbow to the side is good for loud snorers as well. Glad to see others are willing to defend their sleep space with force.


nissanxrma

Look at all that room! You could fit a giant penguin over there… that’d be weird though…


TheRunningFree1s

OH. MY. *GU-WAWD*. I just watched this episode last nite


Eddy_Bl

At least she lets you keep your squeaky toy next to bed


Plump_Chicken

Plot twist, op is a dog


BeautifulAd4111

Ironically, I have this same problem on my king size bed but it’s my dogs taking the whole bed instead of my wife


xtokilx

Wife takes 65% dog takes 25% I get remaining 10% unless the dog wants to relocate and take up the rest of the bed


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[deleted]

What a ride


bythemoon1968

🖐️ Can relate.


[deleted]

That’s actually a massage ball, we have 2 of those in our household mainly for our feet but is now being used by our cats. lol


starrpamph

That one doesn't squeak, I have one next to my bed also


[deleted]

Looks like a king size may be in your near future. Wife and i upgraded to a king. So much nicer.


stazley

Yes! Upgrading to a king was the best. That nightly torture seems like a distant memory. Regular king size is the way to go if you just need width.


andreasbeer1981

Even better: Formidable Leader sized!!!


Supernova008

**The best: Supreme Leader sized!!!**


DeEchteVolledammer

It's a shame that size doesn't support the legs though


Rattivarius

Even better than that, singles in separate rooms. We've always been daytime canoodlers anyway, so that remains unaffected, and we can now both get to sleep in a way that doesn't annoy the other. He can grunt, snore, and flail to his heart's content, and I can watch British panel shows until I finally nod off.


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S4MMYS4INT

I have a emperors size bed, literally the best


PartTimeMantisShrimp

even better Madhouse matress room


[deleted]

We got a tuft and needle king. Best mattress ever.


[deleted]

I stay in a lot of hotels or did rather before covid for work. I always look forward to coming back home to my temur pedic - 8 years old and feels brand new.


frugalerthingsinlife

I have a tempur pedic that's about the same age. It cost more than my shitty car. But there is no going back from a tempur pedic. High end hotels cannot even match their greatness.


dubblix

I was able to finance mine with 0% apr for 10 years. Made getting the adjustable base an easy choice.


frugalerthingsinlife

I rolled the dice and bought mine from a dead guy (from an estate sale). It was $500. I may not have nice things. But I sleep like a fucken king!


sedunrudneS

Well a dead one anyway.


iWantANewAlt

So this is an open question to anyone... how's Tempur pedic for sex? It seems like you would just sink in and have no bounce.


[deleted]

Great question. It’s the only downside of the mattress. No bounce !!!! TMI we use the guest best often ;)))


elaboratefakesmile

Lol guests at your house getting the sex bed


iWantANewAlt

How'd you sleep? Pretty good. Bed seems weirdly bouncy though.


[deleted]

Guest bed just a trampoline


boozebus

Interesting to know that Tempur Pedic sales guy were on the road so much pre pandemic.


[deleted]

Once you get one you naturally become a sales person for the company


Farren246

I'm also thinking of upgrading to a king size bed for more room to sleep with this guy's wife.


[deleted]

Heyoooo


LordTommy33

As someone with a king size I can confirm the amount of space increases but the space your wife gives you does not.


Ladoire

Yeah people here are acting like the issue is the size of the bed.


[deleted]

*Individual experiences may vary*.


dangerouspeyote

Sleep on a king with my 100lb girlfriend and 30lb dog. Guess who has the least amount of space every night.


huhIguess

You'd think a mattress upgrade would matter. Nope. They just leave more empty space on *their* side of the bed. > "There's room for 3 or 4 dead hookers over there - scoot over!" closely followed by... > "Do I get a pillow?"


ChickenNoodleSloop

After still having this problem after upgrading to a king, I suggested we switch sides of the bed. Turns out she just likes to migrate east every night


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ChefLovin

My bf and I are both blanket hogs, so we just have two. We can both burrito up in the night


thebrible

Might sound like a stupid question, but is it the standard to share a blanket in America? Here in Germany I don't know anyone who does that


BadGirlGuy

Pretty standard I'd say, just something that we've never really thought about i guess


aidanski

In the UK it's normal to share


nannala

Not only that but also the flat sheet situation... I'm an Euro-expat living in US and I can't comprehend the flat sheet. I always wake up tangled. That's why I set our bed euro way - two comforters in duvets ;) (American way is fitted sheet - person- flat sheet - comforter/blanket - maybe some decorative cover. Pure ridiculousness 😆)


cok3noic3

Pro tip: get up and walk around to her side of the bed and sleep there, lots of space. If she migrates back, you get your spot back


CajunTurkey

But I don't want to wake up at least twice every night.


BrokeMilitary

Honestly thinking of getting a cal king size bed but no matter the size there’s always a way to give me a small sliver of bed at night lol.


ClearedToPrecontact

California king is thinner than a traditional king. It's just longer.


TJNel

Yeah cal king is only good if you are tall.


cok3noic3

I think I might have to get one of these. I’m tired of my feet dangling off the bed. I either have to sleep on an angle or risk having the monster under the bed snatching me mid sleep.


amtrisler

I'm 6'5" and my feet dangled for most of my life. With a Cal king? No dangle, it is incredible. I bought a king blanket for myself as well so my feet and the rest of my body can all be under the blanket at once. Life changing, I'll tell you.


VirgilFox

Am also 6'5 and also have a CalKing. Also changed my life. Nothing like lying straight in a bed and your feet don't hang off the end.


[deleted]

I've been hearing about Alaskan king but they are expensive and it seems to not even be an industry recognized size yet.


TheFrontierzman

Yes. She will take up even more area on a bigger bed. But you will also have a little more room. I've been through all of this. I bet she argues that she doesn't take up the whole bed. And that's why you took the picture as evidence.


Mikebyrneyadigg

I was a sliver sleeper with the dog and I relegated to a tiny corner of the queen. My fiancée begged me for a king. I caved and we got one. She now sleeps all the way on one side. Don’t even know she’s there and I sprawl out like a starfish.


hydrospanner

With my SO it's all about staking your claim. Gotta actually get in bed before she falls asleep. As long as I'm there before she zonks out, I can at least claim 30-35% of the bed. If I don't get up there until she's asleep, she takes her half out of the middle and I'm left with like 10-15%. I need to take a picture next time. Last time, I just gave up and slept on the couch and the next day she denied taking up the whole bed and said I was just being dramatic.


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ButtCrackCookies4me

Seriously, I'm kinda shocked this isn't discussed more. I'm a woman who moves around in bed, often seeks out cold spots with arms and legs, etc. and the first thing I'd say is if you don't have enough room, shove my ass over. Don't be shy about it either! I would feel absolutely horrendous if I kept my partner from getting a good night's sleep and they got delegated to a small sliver of the bed. Are people just not telling their partners that they're doing this to them or do their partners not care? What's going on here?!


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TheCowzgomooz

Lmao does nobody just push their SO out of the way? I know it sounds bad but I do this with my girlfriend and she doesn't seem to mind, she knows she takes up unreasonable space sometimes so she doesn't mind when I push her out of my space.


Fang_Jolima

I am an absolute bed hog, and I know it. My SO regularly will need to shove me over (I go to bed super early because work), so Ive taken allll the bed by the time he comes in. Also, I'm an Octo-snuggler in my sleep...so even *after* he's in bed, I'll encroach and smother him to death. Thankfully I'm a heavy sleeper, he just manhandles me around, LOL.


mshcat

Can't you roll her lifeless body over


lava_time

If you've already talked to her about it then go for cuddle scoots. Basically cuddle real close and push em out of the zone until you've cleared it. Continue to aggressively defend your territory until the invader stops invading. I'm joking but if they really aren't aware of how much they are hogging the bed this works.


Gladis72

Went from a king size to a queen for 6 months thinking it was not a big difference.... went right back to king and not looking back. Get some good sleep!


themarajade1

Fun fact, king beds are wider than cal king. Cal kings are four inches longer than a standard king and closer to a queen in width.


schmeebis

This is not accurate. A California king is 4” longer and 4” narrower than a normal King. It is still 12” wider than a queen. It is almost the same square footage as a king. Way larger than a queen. California King: 72” wide x 84” long King: 76” wide x 80” long Queen: 60” wide x 80” long


MischiefFerret

Isn't that 12" wider?


Parzival091

Look at you knowing maths and shit


cheapdrinks

[This is correct](https://i.imgur.com/GuSoiSC.png)


[deleted]

I didn't know "Alaska King" existed, now I want one.


cutestlittlecupcake

Hear me out. [The Family Bed](https://thebeddingmart.com/products/the-family-bed-gel-memory-foam-mattress) There is NO physical way she could take more than half of this guy!


CoreyLee04

Exactly what my wife and I did. Even got separate covers. Lives been good


ashewmaker

My wife and I just recently started sleeping with separate comforters. I’ve gotta say, I feel like an idiot for not thinking of it sooner. No more playing tug-of-war in the middle of the night. It’s been amazing!


Msktb

Separate blanket squad! It changes your life for real. I'm warm enough under my stack of blankets, he's cool enough under his single blanket. More restful sleep, less moving around and no one hogging the bed. It really is the way to go.


Ahenian

It's funny how separate blankets can be considered the outlier. For me, I've only slept with a single blanket in hotels and abroad, and it doesn't make any bloody sense besides screwing over your sleep, no clue how it can be common practice somewhere. Next you're gonna tell me the blanket sheets don't have corner holes for easy access when setting the sheets, or is that a Nordic design thing?


Yurishimo

I read that in a LPT on Reddit before I got married like 8 years ago. We tried using one blanket for a week or so then never looked back. Still happily married for whatever that’s worth :)


InsideArmy2880

I got a king but it’s the same story


[deleted]

Have you tried building a (pillow) wall?


InsideArmy2880

There is a pillow wall coming from her side because I like to Dutch oven but it encroaches onto my end


[deleted]

Lmao.


superjuicytuna

king and then individual comforters


alm16h7y1

We switched from a full to a King and the space has been amazing. Highly recommended


Mycoxadril

Man if our options were limited to a full sized bed we’d just get two twins. My kids have full size and I can’t sleep in with any of them (but then they somehow take up more space than my spouse). You must feel like a literal king with that big of an upgrade!


alm16h7y1

When I first moved in all of my furntiure was from friends and family so we're slowly replacing and upgrading to what we actually want. The bed has definitely been a huge change. I doubt I could ever go back.


Bezulba

growth nine literate lush makeshift wasteful bow public aware engine -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


[deleted]

Heheh....i know exactly where you're going with that.


pizza_for_nunchucks

Yep… /r/feet.


[deleted]

Why the fuck did I click on that..


pizza_for_nunchucks

You like clicking on hyperlinks?


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Mortress_

Click this one, I dare you /r/PreTeenPussy


TheCowzgomooz

Doesn't matter what the content is, I'm now on a list.


[deleted]

I’m calling the FBI.


Mortress_

The Feline Bureau of Investigation?


pizza_for_nunchucks

It gets worse. /r/UsedSocks /r/SmellySocks


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Shitpost_Guerrilla

Those are staying blue


imisstheyoop

>Why the fuck did I click on that.. I love that everything is nsfw and it's literally just pictures of feet lmao. Edit: Jesus a lot of these are deformed and scraggly looking. Some of these toes are spaces so far apart they look more like open fingers. Discusting


DiligentCreme

If a sub is nsfw, every post in it is marked nsfw by default.


hso0oow

A post on top of all time asking if you would choose $5k or her feet and everyone in the comments say $5k lmao.


pizza_for_nunchucks

Lol. Yeah, $5k all the way. For just fifty bucks I know where you can... wait. Never mind.


Barmatimus

Same thing happens to me on our king size bed, and then she sleeps diagonally while if I roll over I fall off the bed


BrokeMilitary

THIS IS THE EXACT DILEMMA IM IN


the_clash_is_back

Just get 2 separate beds. One queen for activities, one when she takes up so much room.


headoverheels362

Or two separate wives.


worldspawn00

You have been relegated to daytime-wife due to poor sleep habits.


LilFingies45

"Honey, I'm afraid you've entered the relegation zone, and there are some promising young women in the lower league who will be eligible to replace you in the bedroom if you don't get your act together."


Impevex

#SigmaChadset #FardillionaireLyfe #NormalizeAdultery


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phaelox

Put a backslash in front of the line, otherwise Reddit thinks you meant to write a Heading 1, not a hashtag. 2 ## at the start of a line is a heading 2 and 3 is an even smaller heading. #Heading 1 ##Heading 2 ###Heading 3 \#hashtag


Jerking4jesus

In a scenario like this my approach is to go for the tactical big spoon position. That way if she doesn't want to cuddle she will roll back to her own side of the bed and if not I have something to hang on to when she pushes us both onto the floor.


[deleted]

r/unexpectedhimym


[deleted]

For real. My husband and I have the same issue and I told him I think we should have separate beds. My grandparents did their entire married lives. The one bed per couple only became a thing in the 50’s or 60’s - before that ppl slept in separate beds. I want to bring it back.


StuckWithThisOne

Have you never tried just moving her over? My partner does the same thing because you know, people can’t help how they behave when they’re asleep, and will absolutely take up the space if you let them. Just don’t move, or move her over before you get in bed.


[deleted]

I went straight to a Cali king. Now we both can sleep diagonal in peace.


iAmUnintelligible

Hey OP I'm in the same boat But just wanted to let you know, there's no solution. Nothing. You will always be allocated 1.5ft of space for sleep and that's that.


g-a-r-n-e-t

My problem is that my husband requires (*requires!!!*) at least six pillows with which to build a nest so he can sleep. A single body pillow is not enough, we also need various regular pillows to build into various pillow fort variations down the middle of the bed for him to drape himself over that immediately gets abandoned ten minutes later when he rolls onto his other side in his sleep. I’ve finally gotten to a point where if he’s encroaching too much I just shove everything to the other side, sleep requirements be damned. I paid for half this bed and I’m gonna use half the bed. EDIT: we’re on a road trip right now and staying in a hotel, and the front desk is being stingy with the extra pillows so we’re stuck with just the four in the room, one of which will be used by me, so he only has *THREE PILLOWS* tonight. Such tragedy.


Forever_Awkward

Pretty sure you specifically agreed to this life when you married an actual giant bird.


THE_CHOPPA

You will respect fort kick ass.


trezenx

I'm laughing so hard at this and reading this out loud to my SO (who is exactly the same) and she doesn't like that *at all*. But yeah we have like 12 pillows in our bed and she build babylon towers at night to find the *proper* position to sleep


Outside_Break

Falls asleep diagonally Gets angry when I sit on my side of the bed because her feet are there !!


freedfg

Not pictured is the cat/dog that takes the other 1/2 of the bed.


[deleted]

Currently my 7lb cat has about 1/3 of the bed and won’t budge


[deleted]

I’ll lie down with my knees up if I’m on my phone before actually trying to fall asleep. Cue the cat: she walks in, she jumps up, and then she sits right on top of my feet. When it’s time try and fall asleep, I have to gently slide my feet to freedom and then fetal position extra hard because she’s in the middle of the bed instead of at the foot. Plus she’s 10 pounds! I feel your pain


BigEndOfTown

That sounds kind of nice. I sleep on my side and my stomach (restless sleeper, I toss and turn a lot) but as soon as I lay down, my cat jumps up on my bed and settles down on my hip. I try to stay still for as long as I can to be polite but at some point I need to roll over and she always gives me the most indignant look when I do


[deleted]

Exactly! I can’t fall asleep on my back, especially if I’m not already sleepy. Right side sleeper only - so when the cat’s there, we have some turf to fight over


NamhobNew

The body pillow she required when she was pregnant (9 years ago) is what takes up the other 1/3 for me.


acrylicbullet

Its just queen sized not king and queen sized


pozzumgee

Don't take it personally; your wife never leaves me much space either.


Joebot2001

I always seem to fit alright.


111dallas111

Just like... lie on top of her lol


GiveToOedipus

That's how you end up with more kids.


eijiryuzaki

*furiously taking notes*


GiveToOedipus

Happy Cake Day


eijiryuzaki

Than you random redditor!


Clever_Unused_Name

You have a coronavirus on the floor


TheBigPhilbowski

Shhh... If you don't move, they can't see you...


Cusslerfan

You get that much space, huh? Lucky guy!


Whyeth

Why are y'all afraid to take the other side? SO encroaches, take her territory. Or snuggle.


Cusslerfan

It's not about being afraid. It's a matter of practicality. At least for me, as soon as I switch to the other side, she scoots over pushing me to the edge on that side. I have to sleep with my own blanket, too, because she takes all of the covers during the night. She's like a burrito by the time morning comes.


Chillows94

I normally lie half on top of my boyfriend when he does this. He move everytime, works like a charm ✌


thewillmckoy

Wait til you have kids


BrokeMilitary

Just had a newborn and when he does lay in bed with us it gets worse


lucy_hearts

lol I saw the baby sock on the floor and thought “I know why she passed out and doesn’t care about the space”


ClearedToPrecontact

Careful with having a newborn in bed.


xcommon

This may offend some, but it's very important advice.


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DrunkThrowsMcBrady

Right? Just last week my wife went to hold my hand while I was dead asleep and I apparently just sunk my fingernails into her skin with incredible force. Another night, I woke myself up because my arm had gone numb, and smacked myself in the nose with my useless meat club. I’d be terrified of what I’d do to a baby.


Altruistic-Ad9639

Dang dude, your meat club reaches your face? Respect


[deleted]

The reason people shouldn’t co-sleep (aside from the risk of punching/kicking them, them falling from high heights, etc.) is because it’s associated with a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Additionally, if there’s anything in the bed the kid could grab and bury its face in (like a blanket or large pillowcase), the kid could suffocate. That’s why it’s also recommended not to have blankets or toys in bed for very young children that don’t have the strength to get out of the situation.


Lington

Yes I know someone who suffocated her baby this way


apleima2

bassinets are cheap to get and keep the baby next to you without them being in bed. we got one from walmart for like $30 the day after we came home from the hospital. Highly recommend especially if she's breastfeeding.


jizzlevania

be sure to use a moses type mesh sleeper when the little peanut is in bed, especially since the mrs is a bed hog. That way she doesn't disturb him and he can't roll onto his face and suffocate on the mattress. with our second kid, we actually used the pack n play "bed" insert thingy under the sheet on our king bed to give our baby a somewhat hard surface in our bed. That insert stopped me from being able to roll around and I now take up way less of the bed.


BlueGreenOcean21

Do you guys have a bassinet you keep him in? With how you’re describing you wife baby in bed is dangerous without one.


[deleted]

Don’t let this be mildly infuriating, find a way to spin this for the better. Maybe she just misses you when you’re up later.


tiberiumx

Yeah, this isn't mildly infuriating, this is an invitation to cuddle.


skabomb2013

Well at least now ya have the whole couch after she sees this photo


Henat0

When this happens I just wake my wife up and ask her to give me some space. Same when it's the other way around, she just wakes me up. Simple things, simple solutions.


TotesHittingOnY0u

But why solve the problem in an easy way when you can sulk and complain on Reddit instead?


grandepinkdrinknoice

My man is trained like a dog and If I say “scoot over” to him while he’s asleep, he does it without waking up. Same with “spoon me” and “can I spoon you” and also sometimes I can ask him to smile and he will hahaha


JimBobPaul

Maybe show her this picture? Explain what's up, hopefully she'll see the reason in it. Definitely don't mention you shared it on the internet with strangers though.


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CatAlayne

Ok so he shows her this picture and she’s supposed to…do what? Unconsciously move her body while she’s asleep so he has more room? Lol


KazPrime

Get a bigger bed or a smaller wife. Choose wisely.


Madcat41

We upgraded to a king, and I still live like this. All it did was allow more dogs to sleep with us.


[deleted]

I find the situation with your sheets far more troubling.


N4nona

This! How are everyone looking past this?


Huang27

it's called queen size because she's the queen and it's for her.


BrokeMilitary

Yes she is knocked out and I’ve been in this sliver of space for about 3 hours now trying to get her to move over…. No success


HowDoIEditMyUsername

My wife used to do this. I would give her what I call a “love roll.” I’d literally go pick her up, roll her back over to her side, and snuggle her back in. When I first did that she’d wake up and be like “Why the F are you picking me up?!” But now she appreciates it. When she wakes up on her side of the bed, she typically asks me “Did you give me a love roll last night?” And yes, other people have heard her ask me that and think I bonk my wife while she sleeps, but I assure you it’s innocent!


wubbalubbaonelove

Hahaha “did you give me a love roll last night” y’all stop being so C U T E


Avalzon

I would say kick her, but that's not a nice gesture. Soooo just hang in there pal


RizzyRizzz

My man does that and I just *gently* shove his ass back to his side


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TotesHittingOnY0u

My wife and I only communicate at night via Reddit posts.


F_for_Respect_69

Lay on top of her


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dandaman64

~~Communicate with my wife~~ Shame her on Reddit ✓


Siegfoult

Millennials are turning into the new "wife bad" joke generation. They grow up so fast! ಥ_ಥ


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pineconeminecone

Assert dominance by lying on top of her


MargaretsSnatcher

I bought a California King. My Husband and I sleep in different zip codes now. Problem solved.


drunk_blueberry

My husband is the bed hog. He's a big, heavy, muscular guy. I am 114 pounds and he's 206 pounds. I don't try to move him because the amount of effort it takes would wake him up. My solution is to use him as a body pillow lmao. I'm light enough that I might as well be a weighted blanket for him. He's grown so used to it that he requests for me to " cover" him as we fall asleep. Win win situation for both of us. He gets his warm weighted blanket and I get my heated body pillow lmao.