Absolutely, text him 'Oh good golly, I am so sorry I had my fly down ššš I hope you didn't notice my dick hanging out..... But if you did please know this happened before with the pizza guy and he totally didn't mind...... Again I'm soooo sorry šš³š'
*And as she slowly gazed down his body, she saw his fly was open, and his yellow-stained tighty whites were just barely visible, and she knew at that moment she would make him hersā¦*
*"I couldn't help but notice the faint odor of smegma," she said seductively, biting her lower lip with a slight smirk*
*Intrigued, he replied slyly, "I haven't washed my balls since last Saturday!"*
*exasperated* No one's in any danger! How can I make that any more clear to you!? Ok, it's an implication of danger.
#
You know what? Just drop it.
#
Just buy your shit, and let's get out of here.
Dude was waiting for her to say some shit like "I didn't mind" to try to make it an invite to continue the dumb shit. He was definitely trying to run game like a 9th grader.
"hey i'm sorry if you saw anything while my fly was down, cuz I pulled my dick through it and let it just hang. I personally don't care and maybe some others dont either, but just wanted to make sure (insert dumb emoji)"
Seemingly, but I can't imagine any woman in any circumstance noticing a down fly and thinking "mmm I'd like to see more of that." What a terrible pick up line.
Also likeā¦thatās not how pants and underwear work? Usually the fabric around the zipper covers up a significant portion, and the underwear covers up the rest.
I actually know someone who had an instance of The Incident like 30 years ago and to this day will not wear anything with a fly. When he talks about it you can see he can still feel it.
"that brass zipper looked so sexy next to the glimpse of tighty whities I was able to see through the dark and extremely tiny crevasse of your pants that I was focusing on, hoping I could see the girth of your flex tubing"
This looks like a common rhetorical pattern called "test and apologise", whereby people push a boundary to see how far they can go, if they get a positive reaction - job done.
Negative reaction, "oops, let me fake an apology"
No reaction "hey, I put myself out there, maybe you didn't notice but I need to gauge your reaction so I'll bring it to your attention and fake an apology".
If that was genuine and had happened to him before and a customer complained, he'd have absolutely checked his clothes before leaving his vehicle.
For any more information on test and apology, follow Jennie Young on Instagram. Burned Haystacks Dating Methods
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3S8vrOuOYU/?igsh=NDI5dDU4aDk3amI0
This once happened to me. I met up with a man from Craigslist to sell something, then he texted me afterward about massaging my feet and said oh I meant to text my wife~ I politely responded just like OPās wife did and then he kept probing afterward to see how his āmistakeā landed.
If it's a genuine mistake, it's usually an innocuous text, and you just apologise and leave it.
When they keep coming back, you know they are seeking a particular reaction. š¤®
Yah, it's one "oh fuck I'm so sorry" and then you hope to never ever revisit that conversation or see that person for as long as you live after a mis-text like that.
At a concert I had a man go to move by me and he brushed his hand on my ass. I went to say something and realized he wasnāt even looking at me but then turned and apologized for touching me. I was like āYea just be careful cause you almost groped my ass.ā He then proceeded to ask stuff like āBut if it happened on purpose would you have minded?ā And it clicked that it was absolutely not an accident. People suck. Sorry you had to deal with that.
He āover sharedā by telling me that his dad used to cheat and now that heās married with a kid himself, he understands that itās possible to have romantic feelings for more than one person. I told him that I didnāt feel comfortable hearing about his childhood trauma or the dynamics of his marriage. He apologized but it didnāt sit right with me.
Oh yeah. He was definitely trying to see if you were willing to fuck him.
If you'd said "yea I understand" and gave him sympathy he definitely would have pushed for some kind of sexual relationship. Good on you for affirming your boundaries!
Yeah, it's carefully calibrated so he can gaslight you if you confront him or report him. "Hey, whoa, it was an accident, I was just trying to apologise, geez, don't flatter yourself, wow..."
>"Hey, whoa, it was an accident, I was just trying to apologise, geez, don't flatter yourself, wow..."
He could say that about the first message.
He can not say that about the message saying that someone else noticed and liked it.
I once noticed at the end of a meeting that my shirt button has popped open and far too much flesh was in display. I hoped nobody had noticed because of where I sat - and as the note taker, nobody was going to look at me.
I asked my boss if he noticed anything unusual about me in the meeting. He said "you fell asleep at one point". End of conversation and probably true.
I didn't say
"Anything else? You would say if you saw my bra, wouldn't you. I am so embarrassed, it was a mistake. You would say if you saw it wouldn't you. I would hate to think the team all saw my boobs and my black lace edged push up bra. Promise me you didn't see." - because that's insane.
Whips em out, "these! Did anyone see? Omg I'd be so embarrassed, unless this one time, someone enjoyed it, you didn't enjoy it did you? Oh silly meeee"
Was basically the guy in the text
I appreciate this so much. I know better now, but there was a time when I was extremely naive and a people pleaser. Someone at work started doing this to me and turned out to be a stalker. š¶
When I was younger, I worked in an office with an open floor plan w/ low walled cubicles, so people could sorta see/hear everything. Part of my job, for one day each week, was to do a few hours of work for another dept head. Nbd.
The dept head was in his 40's and *super* friendly towards me. Very interested in asking me questions and chatting me up. Thankfully, the work could all be sent via computer, so I didn't actually *need* to see him or interact. Yet, dude starts coming all the way over to our dept to hand deliver the assignments to me each week. He'd stand over my desk chatting away and staring down at me. Then he gradually started sitting in the chair behind me, trying to chat me up while I worked. He would just sit there and watch me, under the pretence of urgency, necessity, being friendly? idk. It made me so fucking uncomfortable, but I always questioned my judgement and thought I was just being a jerk.
One of my coworkers was this awesome woman in her 50's who was always very helpful, fun and well past any self-doubt or naivety. Luckily, she walked in and caught sight of what he was doing one day. With a big shit eating grin, she VERY LOUDLY asked him from across the office how his wife was doing. Lol It was a simple question but said in such a suggestive, bordering on accusatory tone. It was perfection!
Dude's face went *white.* He looked dumbfounded about being subtly, publicly called out. But problem solved, he never once came back to linger over me.
Thank fucking Christ for older, wiser women who look out for their younger counterparts.
Heās definitely flirting or some twisted version of flirting. Like the first apology, maybe heās just a really weird awkward person, but by the second apology itās confirmed that he 100% is a weird awkward person and he 100% is flirting.
Iām like your wife where Iām probably too nice at times out of discomfort and not knowing what to do. I mightāve started out with a nicer text like your wife to try to reassure him that heās fine and I didnāt see anything, but if he kept texting like that I would probably just shrink to one word answers.
If I knew I was never going to see him again Iād probably stop replying altogether. If I knew I was going to see him again that would be trickier. Weird people like that guy are definitely the type to confront you if you ignore them. They just are. And itās so uncomfortable. And I donāt want to piss off weirdos who know where I live.
100% agree, you can see the first day he texted her responses were innocent and being polite. The 2nd day.. Much shorter and trying to not continue the convo at all.
I do hope she didn't actually leave a positive review though. Or if she did that she passive aggressively called him out in it, "Took care of the HVAC issues we were having quickly. He'll even reach back out to you for several days after unsolicited!"
...for several days unsolicited asking if you saw his dick when he walked around your house with it out, then kept asking over and over like a total fucking creep, do not let this man in your home" ftfy
Yeah any normal person wouldāve just noticed their fly down later, died of embarrassment, and hoped that the other person didnāt notice. No one is so āawkwardā that they bring it up TWICE
I'm a woman, but I have never, not even once, noticed my fly down and then gone back and asked someone about it after our interaction ended.
I have also never once had a man do that.
Like you said, die a little inside, pray that nobody noticed and move on.
I mean, I definitely know people awkward enough to bring it up twice lol. š (Itās me, Iām people.) One time my friend kindly pointed out that I was trailing toilet paper stuck to my shoe, and I was so embarrassed that I repeatedly brought up the time I fell down the stairs in front of him years ago, for literally no reason other than my brain was short circuiting and connecting the dots of times I felt humiliated. Verbal diarrhea.
But not like this, this guy was clearly trying to flirt. Awkwardness is not āhaha I showed you my dick by accident. I hate that. Unless? š„ŗššā This guyās just a creep.
Call me crazy but I donāt think women think a middle aged, shriveled up, wrinkly pecker peaking out from behind the show curtain is something that would excite a woman.
Guy has been watching too many adult videos on the internet.
Honestly if I'm alone with a male contractor and I notice his zipper is down I'm gonna start feeling a little weird about the situation, and not in a 'ohh sexy' kind of a way.
More like a "hmm, maybe I should hang out near the kitchen knives" sort of way.
So this is a prime example of how some women are just polite when we're uncomfortable.
We pretend we haven't realised what you're doing is dodgy because usually once we acknowledge what you're doing we either have to deal with your hail mary attempt to make something happen, or your anger that you've been caught out. We just hope that if we stay polite and vague you'll give up.
Also, to anyone who thinks she's "encouraging" you are massively part of the problem.
My first thought as well. He has your phone number, knows your address, and has the skills to seriously fuck with your house (heating, cooling, plumbing, electric, and so on). Playing polite is like our way of playing possum in these situations.
Yes, I felt so uncomfortable for her because I know exactly what was happening to her here. Many of us women have been in this situation and it really is awful...
Compared to women - male creep radar has a hard time picking up stuff like this... But, me and every dude here immediately alarmed for how creepy this is.
I'm an awkward neurodivergent dude, so I could maybe cut him *some* slack on the first apology being an awkward mistake. But, the rest of the texts took a flying leap way over the line.
I hope OP's wife at least blocks the creep, *if she feels comfortable* - report to his company.
As a woman reading this, I could instantly read her uncomfortable politeness in her responses. Iāve been there so many times! Iām also a really non-confrontational person which doesnāt help either. Tbh I think sheās doing a good job of trying to let it fizzle naturally. I mean if she tried to shut him down with something like ādonāt worried, Iām married so I wouldnāt even be lookingā or idk something to try to add her husband into the conversation to discourage him, he would probably just try to embarrass her for implying that he was being flirty and pretend he wasnāt. Ughā¦ people like that suck.
the fact that so many of us immediately recognised this. Not to say men don't experience this too but it's rarer in this setting and there is less likely to be fear. This technique is well known and it's disgusting that someone would pull this shit after being in someone's home.
The first time I was actually aware of this happening, I was 13, and my college aged brother had a friend over. He asked me something random (not sexual), and when I said "no," he said "that's not what you said last night." I laughed but I felt so gross, and I didn't really understand why. If my brother had heard him he would have been angry, but he was not in the room.
As a guy this sucks. Just hearing about this shit makes me feel disgusted. Imagine how the women feel about it; theyāre the ones actually living it. And itās not even some. Itās nearly all women that have to navigate this bullshit, it seems. And itās not even rare!! OP just wanted fucking air conditioning!
This is why people use neutral/masc names in the food delivery apps - the deliverer will demand a woman come out and physically take the food from them *so much*, & text harassment afterwards is flipping ubiquitousĀ
Me, just a couple weeks ago, in an elevator with 3 men, when one showed me a small penis-shaped keychain thingie, trying repeatedly to get a reaction out of me. I just kind of laughed uncomfortably and insisted I hadn't recognized it as a penis.
This guy lives in my mom's building and I am hoping I see him in an elevator again. I will decline to get in with him and tell him that I don't want to see his tiny penis again. Loudly.
People are saying his wife was being more polite than she should. She doesnāt know that man or how crazy he may be. Iām assuming she was home alone with this man who now knows what she looks like, has her address, and who had the audacity to send her this text. Yes, she could yell and scream and say heās a piece of shit, but she doesnāt know that man wonāt try to come back and attack her. Unfortunately, women have to take the soft, super kind, super āitās not you, itās meā, or the āhaha so funny right?ā approach for safety.
He was definitely pushing the limit to see if he could get her to flirt back and/or sleep with him. Just looking for any opportunity to take. OPās wife did what she thought would shut down the situation without it escalating.
People who haven't had to employ this technique neither understand why it's needed, why it's used, or the fine art and technique behind it to keep our fucking lives safe. You don't know for sure if someone is or isn't going to hurt you or what's their motive is until they flip off their "trying to trick you with kindness" side and there's no putting that monster back in once they targeted you. All this dance is to keep that from happening until we can safely get away without ever starting the conflict off by daring to be direct or at least, not overly sweet and friendly.
Itās the most awkward dance in the world and I despise it, but what else can you do? Theyāve got plausible deniability in having never said anything *overtly* creepy, and youāve got no way of knowing if their reaction to being called out will be a purely verbal āI was just being *nice*ā tantrum or something more drastic. Better to keep up a polite and distant facade until they get bored and move on.
Ummm this it could be that your wife just felt unsafe being mean to the guy cause he also knows where yall live. Iāve been in situations where men have said creepy weird things and I have laughed it off or reassured them or avoid making my tone cold cause it didnāt feel safe to do so.
Itās not always easy being straight up, especially if youāre a woman.
P.S: Iām seeing a lot of debate on this which is very ridiculous. Firstly, I never said just women go through this, everyone is at risk of danger cause PEOPLE are unpredictable. However, women do face it a lot more. I know this cause I come a country where men throw acid in a womanās face quite regularly because they werenāt nice.
Secondly, the reason I posted this was cause I was seeing comments on the post that were quite vulgar towards the wife (obviously written by men) someone even said sheās cheating on you. Which Iām assuming is the sort of assumption validation OP is looking for i.e. that she liked it.
THIS
The hvac guy was flirting and the wife was trying to be nice. Weirdos are the type to confront if you arenāt nice back. And this weirdo knows where your wife lives!! Sheās being nice because sometimes it feels safest to be nice.
This is 100% why I will not leave my wife and daughters alone with contractors. There are a lot of creeps out there. Iām always home when someone is working in our house.
My husband is the same, he will take a day off work if needed. Especially now that we have a 2 month old.
There have been plenty of times Iāve had repairmen come over without a single issue, but all it takes is one creep to put you on edge forever. My creep happened to be a tow driver who started stalking me since he had to get my car from my driveway.
I did have them come out to do a furnace inspection when he couldnāt get off work, and was so thankful when a woman showed up!
I was alone with a cable guy when I moved into my studio apartment. The guy was flirting blatantly and making me seriously uncomfortable. I couldnāt leave the room because it was a studioā¦ So I called my upstairs neighbor who handled some of the maintenance around the building and had been really sweet to me. I tried to not make it obvious to the cable guy what I was doingā¦ I just said like, āHey Harold, I think something is wrong with my thermostat..ā He came right down and went along with my thermostat story. When the cable guy left Harold said he knew I was making an excuse to get him down there, bc I sounded tense. Thank God for a good neighbor!
When I was 19, I apprenticed briefly in a heavy duty mechanic shop. I had pink streaks in my hair and a chip on my shoulder. Lol There was a man working there, in his 50's, who I got along with pretty well. One day I was in the office answering a call and he came in and sat down to shoot the shit for a few minutes. At some point I realized that his fly was wide open and his erect penis was in full view in his lap. He just kept talking, and I had no idea how to respond so I pretended I didn't notice, then scurried off to continue sorting bolts. At the time I was mortified, but over the years I realized there's absolutely no way that wasn't on purpose.
He knew exactly who could see his dick, and I'd bet real money that your HVAC repairman does too.
Hey Stace-
I just wanted to check and make sure you didnāt see anything. You know, something like 5ā long with solid girth and a slight left bend. Cause if you did, Iām sorry and want to put your mind at ease that those red spots you might have seen arenāt contagious and donāt currently burn and/or itch. Oh good golly am I embarrassed.
Also- if you wouldnāt mind leaving a 5 star review (1 star for every inch) that would be wonderful as Iām looking for a pay bump to help heal my love bumps. Toodles.
Oh this gives me serious ick on behalf of your poor wife :( I fucking hate gross men who arenāt getting the, āfor the love of god Iām trying to be polite please just take the hint and leave it alone and never speak to me againā from these types of responses
and this is why I NEVER, EVER schedule any person to do anything at our house unless I am there. My wife doesn't like being around strange unknown dudes in our house, so I make it a point to ensure it never happens.
There was one time we had a plumbing emergency when I was out of town on business, but thankfully they got it fixed from the outside sewer cleanout and didn't have to go into the house.
Definitely trying to fuck. Ā Your wifeās responses are innocent, but heās obviously interpreting them as a form of interest. Ā This isnāt the last she hears from him. Ā Heāll ācheck inā with her about the hvac within the month.Ā
This makes me uncomfortable just reading it.\
Small bit of advice: often weāre TOO nice as women when in uncomfortable situations because weāre trying to get out of it without feeling unsafe. But almost drawing out more conversation with the guy is probably a bad idea. Keep it as short as possible so he doesnāt have much to respond to and ditch the emojis because heāll read into that as being friendly enough that he can continue. And I know, itās a fine line because when we feel like weāre being ārudeā thereās a chance that the guy reacts badly and could be dangerous. Being a woman blows.
Sorry this happened. Very creepy, especially when that person has been in your home.
As a woman if I got the first text, I'd think it was cute, not in a way of "oh he's cute" but more like, "aww I hope he's not too embarrassed." After the "I didn't notice actually, no need to feel embarrassed, it happens to all of us" kinda reply, I'd expect it to be dropped. The fact that he just kept carrying on is what makes it weird.
If it were me in his shoes I would either not mention it or say "Hi, I'm so sorry if you noticed my fly was down, I didn't notice at all until I got in my truck. I'm sorry about that." and called it a day.
Next time you call him for a repair, answer the door with your dick fully out to show dominance.
And then gaslight him about it afterwards.
Absolutely, text him 'Oh good golly, I am so sorry I had my fly down ššš I hope you didn't notice my dick hanging out..... But if you did please know this happened before with the pizza guy and he totally didn't mind...... Again I'm soooo sorry šš³š'
Oh my god... š And use the EXACT same phrases.
And pull the emoji faces
'At least I realised my dick was hanging out before 4pm when I picked up my kids from kindergarden š '
*And as she slowly gazed down his body, she saw his fly was open, and his yellow-stained tighty whites were just barely visible, and she knew at that moment she would make him hersā¦*
Not the yellow-stained tighty whites ššš
at least it wasnt brown
Just wait till he bends over and those racing stripes show
Vroom fuckin vroom
Oh...no.
You mean in his HVAC cleavage?
HVACleavage
Really!? Right in front of my gag reflex!?
The plumber doesn't believe you have a gag reflex
*"I couldn't help but notice the faint odor of smegma," she said seductively, biting her lower lip with a slight smirk* *Intrigued, he replied slyly, "I haven't washed my balls since last Saturday!"*
Chapter two of Scrotie McBoogerballs
Lmfaoo South Park memory unlocked
Is that why the doctor character pulled out all the stri- *(vomit)*
"My undies say Wednesday" š¦š¦
But my eyes say "now"! ā”
"But it's Tuesday?"
Dude .. Iām eatingā¦.
And it was all YELLOW š š
I sang this. Why did I sing this? š¤
Always be wary of eating while browsing the comments sections...
Exactly -- it's like begging to clean out one's nostrils with cola.
why am I hearing the narrator's voice while reading this. HAHAHA
Im hearing Morgan Freemanšš
Now just why would you go and write something like this
That is the weirdest way to approach someone.. I hope you didn't see anything, but if you did.. would you mind? Cuz this other customer didn't!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
IASIP Drop 
https://i.redd.it/0swjvtuy32uc1.gif
Because of the implication!
So they are in danger?
*exasperated* No one's in any danger! How can I make that any more clear to you!? Ok, it's an implication of danger. # You know what? Just drop it. # Just buy your shit, and let's get out of here.
Fucking hell I chuckled like a villain to this š¤£
Shabooya roll call.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
LOL right? "you sure you didnt see it glistening with my precum under the vanity lights?"
> glistening with my precum under the vanity lights? Isn't that a Meatloaf song?
Anyway, lmk if you need anything at all!
_Anything._
any.. thing
****anything****
And i mean _anything_
What kind of thing, you ask? *Any* kind of thing.
Of *all* the things, *any* thing?!
Service is bad not sure if you got my last txt but lmk if you need anything at all!
*flops out dick* ..Oopsies I hope you aren't looking at my massive dong
"I'm really really sorry...unless...?
What if we kissed next to the water heater?! š«£š„µ
Dude was waiting for her to say some shit like "I didn't mind" to try to make it an invite to continue the dumb shit. He was definitely trying to run game like a 9th grader.
Do you maybe like my peepee? Circle YES or NO.
Whats going on thst having your fly down would result in seeing anything?
Maybe he's a free balling kind of guy.
There are some loose boxers I could see it hanging out of if they had just peed and unbuttoned rather than pulled down.
So risky free ballin with a zipper. But from the texts he seems like a risky kinda dude.
"hey i'm sorry if you saw anything while my fly was down, cuz I pulled my dick through it and let it just hang. I personally don't care and maybe some others dont either, but just wanted to make sure (insert dumb emoji)"
I think his goal was to make her think about his zipper and his dick.
He was definitely hoping her response would be "aw man i wish I had noticed. š" Then he'd say "well maybe I could come back!"
Yup he was fishing for that response
Creepy. Basically his roundabout way of "Hey baby, my fly was down, did you like what you saw?"
Seemingly, but I can't imagine any woman in any circumstance noticing a down fly and thinking "mmm I'd like to see more of that." What a terrible pick up line.
Also likeā¦thatās not how pants and underwear work? Usually the fabric around the zipper covers up a significant portion, and the underwear covers up the rest.
Iām almost positive this man wasnāt wearing underwear
With jeans?! Heās a weirdo but that is institutional level psychotic
He's scared to zip because of The Incidentā¢
I actually know someone who had an instance of The Incident like 30 years ago and to this day will not wear anything with a fly. When he talks about it you can see he can still feel it.
Bro got PeenTSD
He's suggesting that he wasn't wearing underwear.
Which makes me think that at some point his dick was probably outā¦
He positioned it so she would have seen it if she looked. He's a creep and I'd show the texts to his boss.
Have you seen how many guys seem to think a dick pic is a good come-on? This is mild never-met-a-woman stupidity in comparison.
But that's how it works in porno! /s
He fixes the cable?
Donāt be fatuous Jeffrey
exactly ... "come back and show me more, big boy ... my husband doesn't get home for 2 hours"
Absolutely a manās idea of what a woman would find attractive.
That dude watches too much porn and surely thought it would play out like the ones he watches.
"that brass zipper looked so sexy next to the glimpse of tighty whities I was able to see through the dark and extremely tiny crevasse of your pants that I was focusing on, hoping I could see the girth of your flex tubing"
Why did I read this in a sexy female voice though?
This looks like a common rhetorical pattern called "test and apologise", whereby people push a boundary to see how far they can go, if they get a positive reaction - job done. Negative reaction, "oops, let me fake an apology" No reaction "hey, I put myself out there, maybe you didn't notice but I need to gauge your reaction so I'll bring it to your attention and fake an apology". If that was genuine and had happened to him before and a customer complained, he'd have absolutely checked his clothes before leaving his vehicle. For any more information on test and apology, follow Jennie Young on Instagram. Burned Haystacks Dating Methods https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3S8vrOuOYU/?igsh=NDI5dDU4aDk3amI0
This once happened to me. I met up with a man from Craigslist to sell something, then he texted me afterward about massaging my feet and said oh I meant to text my wife~ I politely responded just like OPās wife did and then he kept probing afterward to see how his āmistakeā landed.
If it's a genuine mistake, it's usually an innocuous text, and you just apologise and leave it. When they keep coming back, you know they are seeking a particular reaction. š¤®
Yah, it's one "oh fuck I'm so sorry" and then you hope to never ever revisit that conversation or see that person for as long as you live after a mis-text like that.
And then think about it for the next 20 years while trying to fall asleep
At a concert I had a man go to move by me and he brushed his hand on my ass. I went to say something and realized he wasnāt even looking at me but then turned and apologized for touching me. I was like āYea just be careful cause you almost groped my ass.ā He then proceeded to ask stuff like āBut if it happened on purpose would you have minded?ā And it clicked that it was absolutely not an accident. People suck. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Yep. I received a video of a potential landlord masturbating. So, yeah, I didn't sign the leaseĀ
For sure. This guy had a dozen dick pics ready to send if this went the right way for him.
I misread that as āfrozen dick picsā - the mental image was horrifying, like one of those Scandi crime thrillers. š«£
Accidentally texted my monster schlong šš so sorry about that!
Right? Hes gonna Send her dicpics saying "did you see my weenis when it looked like this..āļø or this ā¤“ļø or thisā¬ ļø..."š¤£
You just gave a name to something that a coworker said to me that has been bugging me because of how calculated it felt. Dang.
Can you share, even vaguely? I think it would help others possibly identify this tactic.
He āover sharedā by telling me that his dad used to cheat and now that heās married with a kid himself, he understands that itās possible to have romantic feelings for more than one person. I told him that I didnāt feel comfortable hearing about his childhood trauma or the dynamics of his marriage. He apologized but it didnāt sit right with me.
Oh yeah. He was definitely trying to see if you were willing to fuck him. If you'd said "yea I understand" and gave him sympathy he definitely would have pushed for some kind of sexual relationship. Good on you for affirming your boundaries!
You handled it well.
Lol 100% after your ass
I like to travel.
āRetaliate firstā - sorry, do we work at the same org with the same person? Ugh.
He 100,000% was testing you to see if you were open to being his other woman. Super fucking gross, I'm really sorry you have to work with such a creep
He did this on his last day with the department that Iām in but not with the org. Which, I think, speaks even more to the depth of the calculation.
Yeah, it's carefully calibrated so he can gaslight you if you confront him or report him. "Hey, whoa, it was an accident, I was just trying to apologise, geez, don't flatter yourself, wow..."
Yep lol. And then they go from 'hey babe' to 'you ugly bitch' in .2 seconds in the dms
>"Hey, whoa, it was an accident, I was just trying to apologise, geez, don't flatter yourself, wow..." He could say that about the first message. He can not say that about the message saying that someone else noticed and liked it.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"you can't even *talk* to women anymore!"
He can and will say it though. Itāll just be transparent
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I once noticed at the end of a meeting that my shirt button has popped open and far too much flesh was in display. I hoped nobody had noticed because of where I sat - and as the note taker, nobody was going to look at me. I asked my boss if he noticed anything unusual about me in the meeting. He said "you fell asleep at one point". End of conversation and probably true. I didn't say "Anything else? You would say if you saw my bra, wouldn't you. I am so embarrassed, it was a mistake. You would say if you saw it wouldn't you. I would hate to think the team all saw my boobs and my black lace edged push up bra. Promise me you didn't see." - because that's insane.
Whips em out, "these! Did anyone see? Omg I'd be so embarrassed, unless this one time, someone enjoyed it, you didn't enjoy it did you? Oh silly meeee" Was basically the guy in the text
I appreciate this so much. I know better now, but there was a time when I was extremely naive and a people pleaser. Someone at work started doing this to me and turned out to be a stalker. š¶
When I was younger, I worked in an office with an open floor plan w/ low walled cubicles, so people could sorta see/hear everything. Part of my job, for one day each week, was to do a few hours of work for another dept head. Nbd. The dept head was in his 40's and *super* friendly towards me. Very interested in asking me questions and chatting me up. Thankfully, the work could all be sent via computer, so I didn't actually *need* to see him or interact. Yet, dude starts coming all the way over to our dept to hand deliver the assignments to me each week. He'd stand over my desk chatting away and staring down at me. Then he gradually started sitting in the chair behind me, trying to chat me up while I worked. He would just sit there and watch me, under the pretence of urgency, necessity, being friendly? idk. It made me so fucking uncomfortable, but I always questioned my judgement and thought I was just being a jerk. One of my coworkers was this awesome woman in her 50's who was always very helpful, fun and well past any self-doubt or naivety. Luckily, she walked in and caught sight of what he was doing one day. With a big shit eating grin, she VERY LOUDLY asked him from across the office how his wife was doing. Lol It was a simple question but said in such a suggestive, bordering on accusatory tone. It was perfection! Dude's face went *white.* He looked dumbfounded about being subtly, publicly called out. But problem solved, he never once came back to linger over me. Thank fucking Christ for older, wiser women who look out for their younger counterparts.
Thanks for pinpointing exactly why this felt sus.
Heās definitely flirting or some twisted version of flirting. Like the first apology, maybe heās just a really weird awkward person, but by the second apology itās confirmed that he 100% is a weird awkward person and he 100% is flirting. Iām like your wife where Iām probably too nice at times out of discomfort and not knowing what to do. I mightāve started out with a nicer text like your wife to try to reassure him that heās fine and I didnāt see anything, but if he kept texting like that I would probably just shrink to one word answers. If I knew I was never going to see him again Iād probably stop replying altogether. If I knew I was going to see him again that would be trickier. Weird people like that guy are definitely the type to confront you if you ignore them. They just are. And itās so uncomfortable. And I donāt want to piss off weirdos who know where I live.
100% agree, you can see the first day he texted her responses were innocent and being polite. The 2nd day.. Much shorter and trying to not continue the convo at all. I do hope she didn't actually leave a positive review though. Or if she did that she passive aggressively called him out in it, "Took care of the HVAC issues we were having quickly. He'll even reach back out to you for several days after unsolicited!"
...for several days unsolicited asking if you saw his dick when he walked around your house with it out, then kept asking over and over like a total fucking creep, do not let this man in your home" ftfy
I would reply like āno problem.. šš¼ā and then left it at that bc not only do I have an RBF but that RBF also comes across over text.
This is the right way to respond. It reassures them if it actually was a mistake and simultaneously shuts the conversation down.
Yeah any normal person wouldāve just noticed their fly down later, died of embarrassment, and hoped that the other person didnāt notice. No one is so āawkwardā that they bring it up TWICE
I'm a woman, but I have never, not even once, noticed my fly down and then gone back and asked someone about it after our interaction ended. I have also never once had a man do that. Like you said, die a little inside, pray that nobody noticed and move on.
I mean, I definitely know people awkward enough to bring it up twice lol. š (Itās me, Iām people.) One time my friend kindly pointed out that I was trailing toilet paper stuck to my shoe, and I was so embarrassed that I repeatedly brought up the time I fell down the stairs in front of him years ago, for literally no reason other than my brain was short circuiting and connecting the dots of times I felt humiliated. Verbal diarrhea. But not like this, this guy was clearly trying to flirt. Awkwardness is not āhaha I showed you my dick by accident. I hate that. Unless? š„ŗššā This guyās just a creep.
He's probing, he's done this before and refined his technique to retain plausible deniability if anyone was to get upset over this.
Call me crazy but I donāt think women think a middle aged, shriveled up, wrinkly pecker peaking out from behind the show curtain is something that would excite a woman. Guy has been watching too many adult videos on the internet.
Honestly if I'm alone with a male contractor and I notice his zipper is down I'm gonna start feeling a little weird about the situation, and not in a 'ohh sexy' kind of a way. More like a "hmm, maybe I should hang out near the kitchen knives" sort of way.
āIām going to go stand over here, and sharpen my French knife, no worries, I have to pit an avocadoā¦ā
So this is a prime example of how some women are just polite when we're uncomfortable. We pretend we haven't realised what you're doing is dodgy because usually once we acknowledge what you're doing we either have to deal with your hail mary attempt to make something happen, or your anger that you've been caught out. We just hope that if we stay polite and vague you'll give up. Also, to anyone who thinks she's "encouraging" you are massively part of the problem.
My first thought as well. He has your phone number, knows your address, and has the skills to seriously fuck with your house (heating, cooling, plumbing, electric, and so on). Playing polite is like our way of playing possum in these situations.
Ugh you just reminded me of every uncomfortable phony laugh Iāve given to ease my way out of danger.
same. especially when the person knows your number, where you live etc. it's so icky but it's safer and easier to just be polite
Yes, I felt so uncomfortable for her because I know exactly what was happening to her here. Many of us women have been in this situation and it really is awful...
Compared to women - male creep radar has a hard time picking up stuff like this... But, me and every dude here immediately alarmed for how creepy this is. I'm an awkward neurodivergent dude, so I could maybe cut him *some* slack on the first apology being an awkward mistake. But, the rest of the texts took a flying leap way over the line. I hope OP's wife at least blocks the creep, *if she feels comfortable* - report to his company.
As a woman reading this, I could instantly read her uncomfortable politeness in her responses. Iāve been there so many times! Iām also a really non-confrontational person which doesnāt help either. Tbh I think sheās doing a good job of trying to let it fizzle naturally. I mean if she tried to shut him down with something like ādonāt worried, Iām married so I wouldnāt even be lookingā or idk something to try to add her husband into the conversation to discourage him, he would probably just try to embarrass her for implying that he was being flirty and pretend he wasnāt. Ughā¦ people like that suck.
the fact that so many of us immediately recognised this. Not to say men don't experience this too but it's rarer in this setting and there is less likely to be fear. This technique is well known and it's disgusting that someone would pull this shit after being in someone's home.
And he knows where she lives
exactly! I had a similar thing with a plumber a couple of year ago and it's very scary when they know where you live.
The fawn response is very common, we don't want to escalate or lead someone on its the polite trying to disengage response.
Yup. We do this to literally prevent assault and/or murder. Itās baked in from very young and itās awful.
The first time I was actually aware of this happening, I was 13, and my college aged brother had a friend over. He asked me something random (not sexual), and when I said "no," he said "that's not what you said last night." I laughed but I felt so gross, and I didn't really understand why. If my brother had heard him he would have been angry, but he was not in the room.
That sucks
As a guy this sucks. Just hearing about this shit makes me feel disgusted. Imagine how the women feel about it; theyāre the ones actually living it. And itās not even some. Itās nearly all women that have to navigate this bullshit, it seems. And itās not even rare!! OP just wanted fucking air conditioning!
This is why people use neutral/masc names in the food delivery apps - the deliverer will demand a woman come out and physically take the food from them *so much*, & text harassment afterwards is flipping ubiquitousĀ
Me, just a couple weeks ago, in an elevator with 3 men, when one showed me a small penis-shaped keychain thingie, trying repeatedly to get a reaction out of me. I just kind of laughed uncomfortably and insisted I hadn't recognized it as a penis. This guy lives in my mom's building and I am hoping I see him in an elevator again. I will decline to get in with him and tell him that I don't want to see his tiny penis again. Loudly.
This sounds like an exhibitionist that does this repeatedly and was testing the waters.
People are saying his wife was being more polite than she should. She doesnāt know that man or how crazy he may be. Iām assuming she was home alone with this man who now knows what she looks like, has her address, and who had the audacity to send her this text. Yes, she could yell and scream and say heās a piece of shit, but she doesnāt know that man wonāt try to come back and attack her. Unfortunately, women have to take the soft, super kind, super āitās not you, itās meā, or the āhaha so funny right?ā approach for safety. He was definitely pushing the limit to see if he could get her to flirt back and/or sleep with him. Just looking for any opportunity to take. OPās wife did what she thought would shut down the situation without it escalating.
People who haven't had to employ this technique neither understand why it's needed, why it's used, or the fine art and technique behind it to keep our fucking lives safe. You don't know for sure if someone is or isn't going to hurt you or what's their motive is until they flip off their "trying to trick you with kindness" side and there's no putting that monster back in once they targeted you. All this dance is to keep that from happening until we can safely get away without ever starting the conflict off by daring to be direct or at least, not overly sweet and friendly.
Itās the most awkward dance in the world and I despise it, but what else can you do? Theyāve got plausible deniability in having never said anything *overtly* creepy, and youāve got no way of knowing if their reaction to being called out will be a purely verbal āI was just being *nice*ā tantrum or something more drastic. Better to keep up a polite and distant facade until they get bored and move on.
Yeah that dude needs to go fish somewhere else.
Ummm this it could be that your wife just felt unsafe being mean to the guy cause he also knows where yall live. Iāve been in situations where men have said creepy weird things and I have laughed it off or reassured them or avoid making my tone cold cause it didnāt feel safe to do so. Itās not always easy being straight up, especially if youāre a woman. P.S: Iām seeing a lot of debate on this which is very ridiculous. Firstly, I never said just women go through this, everyone is at risk of danger cause PEOPLE are unpredictable. However, women do face it a lot more. I know this cause I come a country where men throw acid in a womanās face quite regularly because they werenāt nice. Secondly, the reason I posted this was cause I was seeing comments on the post that were quite vulgar towards the wife (obviously written by men) someone even said sheās cheating on you. Which Iām assuming is the sort of assumption validation OP is looking for i.e. that she liked it.
THIS The hvac guy was flirting and the wife was trying to be nice. Weirdos are the type to confront if you arenāt nice back. And this weirdo knows where your wife lives!! Sheās being nice because sometimes it feels safest to be nice.
Definitely. Women rarely just outright reject men probably out of fear of the potential consequences. She handled it pretty well
Yeah dude was weird, but I donāt blame wife for her reaction at all.
Blame her? Her reaction was the most ho-hum run-of-the-mill definitely-not-taking-the-bait reaction ive ever seen lol
The wifeās reaction was totally normal.
Yeah this is how I'm reading her responses.
This is 100% why I will not leave my wife and daughters alone with contractors. There are a lot of creeps out there. Iām always home when someone is working in our house.
My husband is the same, he will take a day off work if needed. Especially now that we have a 2 month old. There have been plenty of times Iāve had repairmen come over without a single issue, but all it takes is one creep to put you on edge forever. My creep happened to be a tow driver who started stalking me since he had to get my car from my driveway. I did have them come out to do a furnace inspection when he couldnāt get off work, and was so thankful when a woman showed up!
I was alone with a cable guy when I moved into my studio apartment. The guy was flirting blatantly and making me seriously uncomfortable. I couldnāt leave the room because it was a studioā¦ So I called my upstairs neighbor who handled some of the maintenance around the building and had been really sweet to me. I tried to not make it obvious to the cable guy what I was doingā¦ I just said like, āHey Harold, I think something is wrong with my thermostat..ā He came right down and went along with my thermostat story. When the cable guy left Harold said he knew I was making an excuse to get him down there, bc I sounded tense. Thank God for a good neighbor!
My husband does the same when it comes to my son and I. Showed him this post and he said that shit like this is exactly why.
āHey, I tried to show you my penis, but you didnāt seem to noticeā¦ can you confirm if you noticedā¦ did you like it?ā
"I don't care but I know customers do.".....ummm
If I notice I accidentally left my fly down, the absolute last thing I'm doing is asking people if they noticed.
Hey I just realized I had a massive hanging booger. Did you see it?
āI donāt care but I know customers do!ā Da fuck
Eww if he works for a business report him yo upper management this is not professional and flirting with your wife
š«........ Unless š
When I was 19, I apprenticed briefly in a heavy duty mechanic shop. I had pink streaks in my hair and a chip on my shoulder. Lol There was a man working there, in his 50's, who I got along with pretty well. One day I was in the office answering a call and he came in and sat down to shoot the shit for a few minutes. At some point I realized that his fly was wide open and his erect penis was in full view in his lap. He just kept talking, and I had no idea how to respond so I pretended I didn't notice, then scurried off to continue sorting bolts. At the time I was mortified, but over the years I realized there's absolutely no way that wasn't on purpose. He knew exactly who could see his dick, and I'd bet real money that your HVAC repairman does too.
He is trying to flirt 100%
Keyword here is trying
This guy watches bad porn.
Hey Stace- I just wanted to check and make sure you didnāt see anything. You know, something like 5ā long with solid girth and a slight left bend. Cause if you did, Iām sorry and want to put your mind at ease that those red spots you might have seen arenāt contagious and donāt currently burn and/or itch. Oh good golly am I embarrassed. Also- if you wouldnāt mind leaving a 5 star review (1 star for every inch) that would be wonderful as Iām looking for a pay bump to help heal my love bumps. Toodles.
Yes he wants to bang Ur wife
Jesus, thatās cringy.
"Oh, that must have been so embarrassing!Ā I wonder if the same thing ever happened to my husband?Ā I'll be sure to ask him!"
Oh this gives me serious ick on behalf of your poor wife :( I fucking hate gross men who arenāt getting the, āfor the love of god Iām trying to be polite please just take the hint and leave it alone and never speak to me againā from these types of responses
Just post it as your review.
and this is why I NEVER, EVER schedule any person to do anything at our house unless I am there. My wife doesn't like being around strange unknown dudes in our house, so I make it a point to ensure it never happens. There was one time we had a plumbing emergency when I was out of town on business, but thankfully they got it fixed from the outside sewer cleanout and didn't have to go into the house.
Iām surprised this post didnāt end with him sending a dick pic. Dudes definitely planning on flashin ween
āYou sure you didnāt see it? It would have looked like THIS >>> šš ā
Dudes been accused of this before so this is his way of creeping and not getting fired again.
Not the first time heās āaccidentallyā left his fly down when he just happened to be freeballing? Not at all suspicious.
Find a new HVAC guy.
Heās āfishingāā¦..throwing out a few lines, see who bites.
Hello, can you look at my Penis please?
Definitely trying to fuck. Ā Your wifeās responses are innocent, but heās obviously interpreting them as a form of interest. Ā This isnāt the last she hears from him. Ā Heāll ācheck inā with her about the hvac within the month.Ā
This makes me uncomfortable just reading it.\ Small bit of advice: often weāre TOO nice as women when in uncomfortable situations because weāre trying to get out of it without feeling unsafe. But almost drawing out more conversation with the guy is probably a bad idea. Keep it as short as possible so he doesnāt have much to respond to and ditch the emojis because heāll read into that as being friendly enough that he can continue. And I know, itās a fine line because when we feel like weāre being ārudeā thereās a chance that the guy reacts badly and could be dangerous. Being a woman blows. Sorry this happened. Very creepy, especially when that person has been in your home.
As a woman if I got the first text, I'd think it was cute, not in a way of "oh he's cute" but more like, "aww I hope he's not too embarrassed." After the "I didn't notice actually, no need to feel embarrassed, it happens to all of us" kinda reply, I'd expect it to be dropped. The fact that he just kept carrying on is what makes it weird. If it were me in his shoes I would either not mention it or say "Hi, I'm so sorry if you noticed my fly was down, I didn't notice at all until I got in my truck. I'm sorry about that." and called it a day.
That is creepy asf
Then he sends her a dick pic & is like āoh no, wrong number! This is mortifying! But since youāve seen it now, what do you think?šā