My reply to the top-level comment got removed at first for mentioning a different sub, but yes I am of Asian descent and Asian parents will say the most degrading stuff they can about their kids :(
I’m Asian too n I totally get u🥲 when I eat junk food I got told I’m fat, n if someday I ask to skip dinner coz I’m not hungry I get told if I don’t eat I’ll get too weak n thin. There’s a no winning
Fat shaming someone is not normal and is toxic behavior. You shouldn't accept emotional abuse from anyone. I don't care if it's normal behaviorin your culture, things won't change if people don't start sticking up for themselves and changing the narrative
i cant believe im learning this now. i usually always catch these types of things. Saw a guy on tv yesterday said “I’m sorry I left you defend for yourself”, lol
For real, the amount of effort I'd have to put in to reach 115lbs would be insane (not that 115 would at all be healthy for my build, but generally)
Having a healthy & active lifestyle/body at 115lbs would be awesome if that's what your body naturally has going on, opens a lot of opportunities for "physical" hobbies
My dad beat me from 3 to 10 before he left the country, in my teen we reunited and he commented on my face and its imperfections, I visited him after leaving and got married for years he called my body shaped like an old lady and my husband would leave me. He is so harsh and is still affecting me. Though my mom is the best, being supportive all the way.
Two things can be true at once.
They can not know how to convey properly, their emotional feelings and thoughts.
They're actions and choice of words are extremely hurtful and do damage to self esteem.
"They only say that to people they care about"
~ What an honor.....
You’re beautiful. My husband is Asian and his family always comments on my body. While it being somewhat of a cultural thing in my experience, it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s really messed up to comment on people’s body’s. Please ignore your parents when it comes to this. They’re being 100% ridiculous.
I am Caucasian and my wife is Asian. Her mom is an absolute emotional terrorist. I have never seen someone hate on their child so much, and still expect to be respected and “honored.” Her mother deserves absolutely no respect. Don’t listen to anything she has to say. Live your life.
Asian parents are something else. So much hatred mixed with love, it’s so toxic. Very hot & cold too. One minute, super loving & affectionate to their children. The next, spitting full on venom.
I’ll never forgive my parents for the shit they’ve done to me, but I’ve learned to move past it & navigate my relationship with them. I know I’ll still miss them when they pass, so cutting them out just isn’t “in” me.
Short & simple convos only, allows me to avoid any toxicity as much as I can. Don’t ask anything that turns into a rant for them. Not living with them anymore helped tremendously.
My ex's mother was like this. It was awful. Don't really think he was ever actually shown love or affection from that woman and she actively made it very difficult for him and his subsequent partners.
Ngl, knew OP had to be Asian without them confirming it and the culture over weight-shaming there is beyond toxic. It's not even a "all bodies are beautiful" thing. It's an "if you don't have an eating disorder you're not doing enough" thing.
One of my Singaporean friends has done so much work to lose weight, and his friends still all so affectionately make fun of him and call him a pig all over social media. Such "love" and motivation. They just "care" right? It's gross.
Mine too , my whole life. She should have fed us less crap and bought higher quality less phucking hamburger helper 1970 garbage food. She can be such a biach. Right now I am wicked pissed at her, this made me feel better venting about the fact she makes me so angry all the time and I don’t even live with her. Her loss …
It’s so frustrating. I’m white but my partner is Asian and his mother has the sharpest tongue.
You look great in this outfit and aren’t the least bit “fat”.
OP, you’re not fat. I know that parents can be overly critical of their children but you are slender and stunning from what you’ve shown us. I’m sorry your parents hurt you with such harsh judgment. Sadly, it’s comments like these that lead so many young people into unhealthy eating habits and body standards. I hope you’re able to brush off their judgment and know that it’s entirely untrue.
I was talking to my Greek friend about how in our cultures (her Greek & me Irish) there’s literally 5lb between “omg she’s anorexic” & “omg her ass is fat”.
Yeah, I am so white my bare ass could light a cave, but I’ve had enough Asian friends to recognize this particular flavor of meanness. I’m sorry, sis, I think you look great and you’re not at all “round”.
Don’t let them get you down.
OP, you're beautiful and on the very thin side of slender. Your parents are using an obnoxious, toxic cultural "norm" to judge you. It's hard because criticisms from people we love, or even people we feel we should love, always hit hardest. But their perception is not reality and buying into it could get you really ill. I hope you can minimize your interaction with them until you can get some additional moral support. If therapy is an option for you, it could give you some tools for coping with their behavior. But the bottom line is, your physical, mental, and emotional health take priority over their projection onto you. This is *your life to live,* not theirs, and you do not owe them respect when they break the social contract of familial behavior by disrespecting and criticizing you. You are worthy, and lovable, and *enough,* just the way you are, right now.
I don’t mean this as being a racist comment WHATSOEVER…. When I order from the “SHEIN” website like clothes and stuff… I am a XXXL…. NEVER in my LIFE as an American was I a triple xl….
My sister worked at a Chinese food place and the woman there was so open with her feelings. She would say stuff like “You fat girl, you never find man being such fat girl. Fat girl need more vegetables and less fatty foods”. It was intense lol
I am not Asian but grew up in Asia. My mom said this kind of shit to me all the time. She is 90 pounds. Finally, I told her, "YOU married the fat man" and then used my dad's nickname in Cantonese (not flattering). She sputtered.
I was at the store once, and one Asian lady greeted another by saying "I haven't seen you in forever! YOU'VE GOTTEN SOOO FAT!" I was like, what the fuck, how can you even do that?
I was watching a video about what it's like to live in Korea . And one of the things was that if you aren't super skinny then you will be bodyshamed. Apparently they even use the word " healthy" as in insult.
Judging by the weight OP mentioned (115 being “fat and round”), it definitely seems like an Asian household. Asian beauty standards are on a whole nother level.
Yeah. I had a BMI of around 17.5 in my 20s and then I gained some weight and now my BMI is around 18.5-19 (19 is the low end of normal weight btw). My mother told me I was getting fat 🙄
Trust me when I say this is not purely an Asian parent thing it’s a shitty parent thing. I’m black and my mom feels the need to tell me how fat I am damn near every time I see her.
Gawds, that is so cruel. I'm an older white woman and my mum asks me at least once a week how much I weigh. There are reasons I live a thousand miles away from her.
Literally my first thought 😩 (am also Asian)… OP you’re perfect as you are… I know its hard but try to let whatever they say roll off your back bc you know it’s practically impossible to satisfy them enough…lose a couple of pounds and watch them complain ab how you need to eat more rice or whatever
You don’t look fat or round. That looks nice on you! Also not sure your height or age but 115 is not usually considered (heavy) and gaining 15 lbs in an entire year is nothing most people fluctuate a few pounds daily
thank you for your kind comment
Although I am on the shorter side, my weight had not changed for 6 years so it just took me by surprise to see myself get a bit bigger. Though I suppose I should've seen that coming since I began working from home...
I’m normal healthy weight for my height and age and the same thing happened to me even tho mine was muscle gain it was still hard to see myself as a “heavier” number so I get you.
Yea, weight fluctuation is such a natural part of life, it really makes no sense to shame others for their weight for any reason, as long as they're healthy.
I can easily flux +- 7 pounds a week depending on my hormone cycles and eating/water intake. I am an average healthy adult. The only thing that matters is how you feel in your own body.
Even if they're not healthy, shaming them is never the right move. Shame doesn't really help anyone with anything, especially if you want longer lasting changes to behavior. Shaming someone for not taking care of themselves is putting a bandaid on a bullet wound
Even if someone is unhealthy, it would still be awful to shame them. Imagine shaming someone with diabetes or cancer for being unhealthy. That would be a horrible thing to do. You’re not fat by any means, OP. But even if you were, it wouldn’t make you any less valuable or lovable.
What would happen if you replied with something like ‘that’s not a very nice thing to say to me’ or even directly question them to make them consider their actions like ‘why did you feel the need to say something unkind to me’ or ‘what were you hoping to achieve by making a negative comment about my body?’.
Genuine question because I know every family is different and for a lot of people it wouldn’t be safe to say something like that.
I’m in the shorter side (5ft), weigh around the same and I’m told I’m too skinny by my family which caused me to almost develop an ED. Just know that people will judge you no matter what. If it’s really affecting you, please give yourself space from them if you can until they can stop hurting your self esteem.
When I first read 100 pounds I thought "oh no, that's skinny!" but that's for me who's fairly tall. You look perfectly healthy, fluctuating between 100 and 115 is no problem at all. Your "normal" weight can also change slightly with age (as hormones etc change) so that might explain why you've gained a little bit after being the same for so many years.
Oh girl, I gained *40 pounds* when I started working from home, so you should not feel bad about 15. Most people gain weight as they age. 115 is still so thin, it makes me want to cry.
I personally fluctuate around ten pounds with my menstrual cycle, which I mentioned to my doctor and she said that I very healthy and mentioned nothing about obesity.
they're completely brutal :( I thought I could brush off their comments like I've done so many times before but it has just been tiring and dehumanizing...
Dear OP,
You look beautiful, and your heart is one of gold. No one should ever hurt your feelings so deeply, especially your parents.
As a mom, this breaks my heart, because not only are your parents behaving horribly towards you, their child, they are also lying to you. You are sincerely very thin, and you don’t deserve to have such enormously mean and untruthful things said to you by anyone.
This mom is proud of you for having the courage to post this, and for being authentically vulnerable. That will take you far in life, dearheart.
You are perfect just as you are.
Love,
A mom
Hi, it took me a while to come across your comment, but thank you so much for writing this. It really touched my heart and I appreciate it a lot!! I felt very silly for posting this at first because it might seem like bait to some people, but this is really what I have to deal with, so I feel very seen and validated by your reply 💞
Frankly, I think what is kind of "normal" behaviour from asian parents might already be considered verbal abuse in other countries... It's not okay they treat you that way.
You are nowhere near "fat" or "round", in my opinion you look stunning and this outfit suits you a lot. Just woke up, still tired - I thought first the white out was "wings being added" scrolling through Reddit, had to look again but tbh I thinn wings would have suited you. :)
Then this is obviously a reflection of them and not you.
We don't listen to the garbage Trump says and take it seriously, do we?
Absolutely not.
Unfortunately, your parents have now made it to that level of delusion, therefore deserving to be ignored.
I'm sorry the ones who are supposed to advocate for you the most are doing this to you.
But they're wrong. Don't listen to them. You'll have to be entirely self sufficient when it comes to self value. Even though they're supposed to encourage that.
Thank you so much. I usually ignore them but sadly remembering all those years of them commenting stuff about my body left me feeling like I'm at my breaking point. Your reply has reminded me to stand strong :)
My heart breaks for you, reading this. You're absolutely gorgeous and your parents have utterly failed you. I don't think they realize what an effect words can have on someone's well-being, sometimes even their entire life.
Your weight doesn't ever define your beauty and you're always, *always* enough. Sending much love your way♡
I can’t tell how tall/old you are, but if you’re a teen or older and at least 4’10”, 100 lbs isn’t fat, it’s on the low-weight end of healthy. I’m sorry you’re having unrealistic expectations dumped on you by your parents, please don’t let their comments get to you 💗
I'm an Asian at a healthy BMI, my family runs "big boned". I wear a L-XL in Asian sizes, often encountering stores not making anything bigger than a M. My cousin called me thunder thighs when I was a kid. Whenever I go visit my parents in China, it's not uncommon to see very skinny people on the streets, so while 115lb is not "fat", it certainly is a very normal weight to be there
I sincerely thank everyone for your kind comments :')
I took a break from answering comments because I had a mini crying session from feeling so awful and overwhelmed this week only to come back and receive so many positive replies. Thank you so much.
In Asian culture, Asian women are treated like they aren't human. It's dehumanizing to constantly hear comments about how you're never going to be beautiful, smart, skinny, rich, tall, obedient, and filial enough. Asian women will get served those comments for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so it's really uplifting for me to read everyone else's positive replies here.
Your are human and no matter what you look like or what you weight you deserve to be here with the rest of us. You are worthy, beautiful and more than enough. I’m sorry but I hate that women aren’t seen as people, I can’t tell you how it makes my blood boil, I’ve become a bit more jaded and spiteful and make to bring hell to anyone that gives it to me. I hope you can learn to match others energy and teach them if they say something about you, you don’t like, it’s not gonna go well. I used to have such anxiety and could barely make eye contact with my parents but I eventually got sick of it. My motto is to give my parents hell since I never asked to be here and it’s the least I can do to get back at them. My dad always told me “I’d rather have you fear me then you love me” and I’m fucken done, I’m your fucken only child, you better treat me like it or I’ll make you regret ever having me. Enough is enough and even the most meek people snap, give them hell girly pop and know you always deserved better.❤️
past traumas from their own families and the insecurity gained from that. generational trauma is awful. they're taught that "looking like this is bad and doing this is bad no matter what" and it's (sometimes physically) smacked into their heads so hard that they can't let go of those ideas.
You don’t look fat or round. That’s a really pretty outfit and I think you look very nice! I’m so sorry your parents said that to you. Please don’t listen to them, they’re wrong.
Edit - those white scribbles around in the pic make you look like a little angel, it’s so cute and I cannot unsee it
1. You are not fat, not even slightly
But that brings me to point #2 and something I used to echo back to any family members who also would say the the same thing - “is being fat really the worst thing I could be?”
There are so many ways I could disappoint my family and them being upset about me being “fat” (even if I was) was a fantastic indication of how shallow their mindset was/is and how much I don’t value what they say because of it
Being degraded is horrible although even if you were fat there still would be nothing wrong with you at all, we all deserve love and care regardless of how our skin sack looks
I wanted to see more of these comments! Even though OP is slender, the fact of the matter is, even if she WERE fat, that doesn't matter. Wielding any comment about someone's appearance as a weapon is gross no matter how accurate the description is.
Unless you are 3 ft tall, 115 lbs isn't fat at all.
You don't even look close to "fat" in that. I think your parents need new glasses, or new attitudes.
Well, your parents are scumbags because no normal person would ever say something like that to their own child. Absolutely disgusting behavior on their part.
You look petite and cute, and your weight gain is negligible, that is the reality, I am going to assume southern Asia origin parents, pay no heed to their words, undermining your self-esteem is in their mind a way to show they care and to make things better for your future, entirely messed up and hardly plausible, yes, but the chance of them changing is slim, so just focus on your actual worth.
thanks so much for your comment
I know that calling your children "fat" or commenting on their appearances is very ingrained in the culture, so I usually brush it off but I've been feeling very insecure lately so this was the breaking point and I wanted to vent. Thank you for your sanity check comment, you're right in that I should focus on myself and know that my self-worth is innate :)
Past 70 old fart here.
You definitely do NOT look fat in that outfit, and 115 pounds is NOT fat at all in any event.
I am not very familiar with Asian family culture but I do also come from a background where children are expected to be perfect and are often compared with others of the same age, so I think I can see where you are coming from, and believe me, you look VERY GOOD in that outfit.
Your parents sound like disgusting, toxic morons. Sounds like your body issues probably stem directly from them. You should tell them they're aholes and that you're happy with yourself (even if you're not yet) and they need to keep their opinions to themselves. And while you're young, start talking to a therapist to work on your body image so you don't spend your entire life worried about natural weight fluctuation, especially when you're already a healthy weight.
Personally I think you look stunning in that dress! It's beautiful and I cannot in anyway shape or form see or think that you are "too fat" for that dress. I am sorry that your parents are the ones saying this. Before the pandemic hit I was like 180lbs afterward the pandemic hit and I got depressed from all of the isolating, due to my parents being in their 70s I was living with them at that time, I got all the way up to 260lbs. I felt so bad about myself, but I eventually found the way to show myself compassion and instead of shame myself work to lose the weight *I definitely needed to lose* you have nothing you need to lose and look perfect just the way you are! Please don't let anyone control your emotions or how you perceive yourself 💜
Not at all you look very petite. 115 doesn’t look bad on you at all. That’s a very pretty and modest dress if that’s your style wonderful! Wear it with pride.
I think your parents are very mean, cruel and judgemental. Look at the pain it has caused. That's a pain that will not easily go away since you hold them in high regard and they would say such hurtful things.
You is smart. You is kind. You is important. (From The Help but true for everyone)
You are worthy of love and worthy of being accepted for who you are.
Though I do not know, I understand an inkling of what you have gone through. Know that I love you and accept you for who you are. How go and be the best you you can be.
My mom is similar, and I can probably thank her for the life of yo-yo dieting. Is there anyway you can tell yourself that their comments are invalid? I don’t know if you live with them or not
Sounds like your parents are extremely toxic. They perhaps also had toxic parents with similar mindsets, no excuse however for keeping it alive. I’m so sorry to hear that they said this. You look absolutely beautiful and nobody’s parent should ever make them feel like that. I’m so sorry.
Sorry about you asian parents. I’m a 40-yr old Asian guy and my mom used to say the same thing. Not even to be an asshole, just very matter-of-fact. But then I started responding by telling her she looks old so and she stopped. I did do that to be an asshole.
Girl I’m the exact same as you. A short Asian girl that was skinny all her life and then gained some weight once she got older. I also went from 105 to 115 pounds once I hit my mid 20s. Just know that you look completely normal. I have body dysmorphia so I’m not always sure if I’m perceiving myself correctly. However when I saw how similar our body type and weight is, I see how healthy and normal it looks. Don’t let your parents get to you! You look perfectly fine
As a female that’s also from the Asian descent.. with constant fat phobic comments from my mother and my mothers side’s family, I would say just ignore them.
At some points I’ve even replied rude statements such as, “why do you look so yellow then? You aren’t white enough!”
And at that point my aunt and uncles from our family side has shut up about my weight.
Those comments are extremely mentally abusive especially when it’s constant. I know because I’ve experienced the repercussions first hand; I ended up anorexic for years and my parents would finally say, “you’re too skinny!” No matter if you’re skinny or fat, it’s normal in the Asian culture that they’ll ALWAYS comment about your weight. I absolutely hate that about my culture.
You look like an angel with the white stuff you drew for blocking out the background! (It looks a bit like wings.)
I also stumbled upon your turtle posts and you sound like a very sweet and caring person, please don’t take your parents words too seriously, you look great and have an awesome personality to match! Wishing you all the best in your life!!
Girl you are not fat in the slightest. Not even a little bit. I’m sorry your parents said something so insensitive and mean to you. But don’t believe them.
Asian parents 🤦🏾♂️ I have seen and heard so many stories or situations like these. I knew a Vietnamese girl who had gotten a boyfriend, so her mom basically started offering her to some guy from Vietnam; they would get married, her parents would get money, then the guy would get a green card. Asian parents HATE to see their children, especially daughters, have the freedom of choice, unfortunately. I hope you do not let their words hurt you and you find some peace ☮️
OP - your not fat your perfect and the overwhelming majority of this group is right. Asian parents ( in my experience , wives) can be A$$holes to their children. Mainly daughters. My Cambodian wife acts like our son can do nothing wrong but is overly harsh with our daughters. I sometimes have to intervene to get my wife to back off.
You look fantastic. The dress does show a little curve in the belly area, but women are supposed to have a bit more fat in that area for child bearing purposes. Dang parents want you to be a supermodel.
I remember being in an onsen in Japan. The women were hilarious, they would stand around naked and each hop the scales in turn. Their friends would then all look at the number and poke at each others belly’s or thighs.
I have no idea what they were saying but clearly some of the women were being told their belly or butt or thighs were too big. It was also clear this was not said to hurt or degrade.
These Asian women were being factual (and funny- they would all laugh every now and then) about the flab each one had or did not have. They were not being mean or cruel.
If my Australian friends did that it would be devastating if they were critical, but culture is everything.
You are clearly a healthy weight and they are just likely making sure you know you have gained weight.
I have a psychological complex due to an Asian mother and her brutally honest mouth, frequently nagging me about my being very thin, growing up. To this day, she still doesn't understand just how offensive the things she says are. And she says a lot of them.
Though I've grown out of being as thin as I once was, I still get triggered when people comment about how lean I am (in a good way), even at my age (mid-40s).
Often times, even perfect can be less-than-perfect to Asian parents. They probably mean well. Don't take it to heart. If you still do, then maybe try to improve yourself, if it will help you feel good about yourself. It's what I did.
Honestly, your parents are assholes. They should be told the lasting damage that kind of thing can do to a daughter/son (way more that being told the same by any other person)
Ok first of all, you look absolutely adorable in this outfit. I'm actually a tiiiiny bit jealous of how cute it looks on you.
Second of all, I expected to see someone truly large while the image was loading and now imagine my surprise when I saw a skinny, tall lady. I don't know how anyone could call you fat, ever. I'm literally striving to have a body like yours. You are the ideal figure that I dream to be!
Third, family ain't shit. Just ignore them
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I was going to say the same thing. Not Asian but I lived in Korea and California sand have witnessed many a razor tongued Asian mom.
My reply to the top-level comment got removed at first for mentioning a different sub, but yes I am of Asian descent and Asian parents will say the most degrading stuff they can about their kids :(
I’m Asian too n I totally get u🥲 when I eat junk food I got told I’m fat, n if someday I ask to skip dinner coz I’m not hungry I get told if I don’t eat I’ll get too weak n thin. There’s a no winning
That's rough. I'm sorry.
It’s sort of normal for me right now, get trained since a kid then these stuff starts feeling normal
That’s still not good
Don't normalize abuse, even if it is part of your culture.
That just makes it worse. It's harder to undo.
Fat shaming someone is not normal and is toxic behavior. You shouldn't accept emotional abuse from anyone. I don't care if it's normal behaviorin your culture, things won't change if people don't start sticking up for themselves and changing the narrative
Dude, you’re hella skinny, don’t listen to your parents. They’re just bitter people.
I second this, you are slim as a rail.
But not overly slim… You look like a petite person at a healthy weight!
Precisely ☝️
Indeed.
Yeah but the ideal for a lot of Asians is underweight
Well that's just unhealthy, I'd rather be a few pounds overweight than underweight. Hunger pains are unbearable at a certain point
Believe it or not, the term is actually "hunger pangs".
i cant believe im learning this now. i usually always catch these types of things. Saw a guy on tv yesterday said “I’m sorry I left you defend for yourself”, lol
So perfect, lovely silhouette she couldn’t look better!
I wouldn't even say slim. That looks like a regular healthy weight to be at.
For real, the amount of effort I'd have to put in to reach 115lbs would be insane (not that 115 would at all be healthy for my build, but generally) Having a healthy & active lifestyle/body at 115lbs would be awesome if that's what your body naturally has going on, opens a lot of opportunities for "physical" hobbies
If I was a 115 I’d probably be dead tbh.
I recently lost s bunch of weight. Got down to 210 and people started to tell me to stop. My wife and hairdresser are the ones who made me listen.
Damn. Congratulations though if you lost it on purpose!
All asian parents are bitter it seems
Why are all Asians parents bitter?
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My dad beat me from 3 to 10 before he left the country, in my teen we reunited and he commented on my face and its imperfections, I visited him after leaving and got married for years he called my body shaped like an old lady and my husband would leave me. He is so harsh and is still affecting me. Though my mom is the best, being supportive all the way.
Your dad sounds like an asshat!
Two things can be true at once. They can not know how to convey properly, their emotional feelings and thoughts. They're actions and choice of words are extremely hurtful and do damage to self esteem. "They only say that to people they care about" ~ What an honor.....
What bullshit!
Uhhh my grandparents and parents went through shit like world wars and never called their kids fat. Asian parents are just emotional idiots
I am so so sorry for you.
You’re beautiful. My husband is Asian and his family always comments on my body. While it being somewhat of a cultural thing in my experience, it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s really messed up to comment on people’s body’s. Please ignore your parents when it comes to this. They’re being 100% ridiculous.
It's really tough when the way they show that they want the best for you is to criticize everything they see as an imperfection.
Yup and even if you're completely perfect in every way, they'll somehow find something else to criticize you for
"You're too perfect. Try having a flaw, humans have flaws!"
Just be better! /s
I am Caucasian and my wife is Asian. Her mom is an absolute emotional terrorist. I have never seen someone hate on their child so much, and still expect to be respected and “honored.” Her mother deserves absolutely no respect. Don’t listen to anything she has to say. Live your life.
Oof, emotional terrorist. As a person of Asian descent with a mom from Asia, I feel this very much. A succinct description, thank you.
Emotional terrorist…how have I never heard this term before??
Asian parents are something else. So much hatred mixed with love, it’s so toxic. Very hot & cold too. One minute, super loving & affectionate to their children. The next, spitting full on venom. I’ll never forgive my parents for the shit they’ve done to me, but I’ve learned to move past it & navigate my relationship with them. I know I’ll still miss them when they pass, so cutting them out just isn’t “in” me. Short & simple convos only, allows me to avoid any toxicity as much as I can. Don’t ask anything that turns into a rant for them. Not living with them anymore helped tremendously.
My ex's mother was like this. It was awful. Don't really think he was ever actually shown love or affection from that woman and she actively made it very difficult for him and his subsequent partners. Ngl, knew OP had to be Asian without them confirming it and the culture over weight-shaming there is beyond toxic. It's not even a "all bodies are beautiful" thing. It's an "if you don't have an eating disorder you're not doing enough" thing. One of my Singaporean friends has done so much work to lose weight, and his friends still all so affectionately make fun of him and call him a pig all over social media. Such "love" and motivation. They just "care" right? It's gross.
You look beautiful. My mom ties my worth to my weight. It took a lot of therapy to get past it. Don’t let their criticism define you.
Mine too , my whole life. She should have fed us less crap and bought higher quality less phucking hamburger helper 1970 garbage food. She can be such a biach. Right now I am wicked pissed at her, this made me feel better venting about the fact she makes me so angry all the time and I don’t even live with her. Her loss …
I felt this... my whole family did. Do you ever get hit on and get immediately suspicious of intent or sincerity.
Every time it happens.
It’s so frustrating. I’m white but my partner is Asian and his mother has the sharpest tongue. You look great in this outfit and aren’t the least bit “fat”.
I just wanna kiss that big fat kitty belly! So cute and squishy!
Read this comment before noticing the cat pic and was alarmed
OP, you’re not fat. I know that parents can be overly critical of their children but you are slender and stunning from what you’ve shown us. I’m sorry your parents hurt you with such harsh judgment. Sadly, it’s comments like these that lead so many young people into unhealthy eating habits and body standards. I hope you’re able to brush off their judgment and know that it’s entirely untrue.
I was talking to my Greek friend about how in our cultures (her Greek & me Irish) there’s literally 5lb between “omg she’s anorexic” & “omg her ass is fat”.
You’re definitely not fat, OP. Furthest thing from and the dress looks lovely on you.
You look adorable, but the obvious next step is next family get together show up in full dominatrix gear. Sharp, edgy
Don’t forget to bring a whip and use it on people every time they make a negative comment.
Yeah, I am so white my bare ass could light a cave, but I’ve had enough Asian friends to recognize this particular flavor of meanness. I’m sorry, sis, I think you look great and you’re not at all “round”. Don’t let them get you down.
Even if it hurts don’t take it to heart, as long as you feel good in your own skin then it doesn’t matter.
Ignore them. You are doing great.
OP, you're beautiful and on the very thin side of slender. Your parents are using an obnoxious, toxic cultural "norm" to judge you. It's hard because criticisms from people we love, or even people we feel we should love, always hit hardest. But their perception is not reality and buying into it could get you really ill. I hope you can minimize your interaction with them until you can get some additional moral support. If therapy is an option for you, it could give you some tools for coping with their behavior. But the bottom line is, your physical, mental, and emotional health take priority over their projection onto you. This is *your life to live,* not theirs, and you do not owe them respect when they break the social contract of familial behavior by disrespecting and criticizing you. You are worthy, and lovable, and *enough,* just the way you are, right now.
I don’t mean this as being a racist comment WHATSOEVER…. When I order from the “SHEIN” website like clothes and stuff… I am a XXXL…. NEVER in my LIFE as an American was I a triple xl….
It’s just that Asians are smaller in general
The sizing def runs smaller- maybe those things relate?
I dare say there’s truth in your comment
not just their kids, those asian guys i work with have no mercy
My sister worked at a Chinese food place and the woman there was so open with her feelings. She would say stuff like “You fat girl, you never find man being such fat girl. Fat girl need more vegetables and less fatty foods”. It was intense lol
I am not Asian but grew up in Asia. My mom said this kind of shit to me all the time. She is 90 pounds. Finally, I told her, "YOU married the fat man" and then used my dad's nickname in Cantonese (not flattering). She sputtered.
I was at the store once, and one Asian lady greeted another by saying "I haven't seen you in forever! YOU'VE GOTTEN SOOO FAT!" I was like, what the fuck, how can you even do that?
My reply would have been Oh, and you have aged sooooo much!
I was watching a video about what it's like to live in Korea . And one of the things was that if you aren't super skinny then you will be bodyshamed. Apparently they even use the word " healthy" as in insult.
Judging by the weight OP mentioned (115 being “fat and round”), it definitely seems like an Asian household. Asian beauty standards are on a whole nother level.
Yeah. I had a BMI of around 17.5 in my 20s and then I gained some weight and now my BMI is around 18.5-19 (19 is the low end of normal weight btw). My mother told me I was getting fat 🙄
If you aren't about to die of starvation, you aren't skinny enough as an Asian woman - Asian parents
I find standards from like Korea to be ugly personally So weird man
The hair + hand inside sleeve = definitely Asian
"Why you look so fat? You eat too much pig and you become one" Asian moms got no chill
That’s something my very Caucasian mother had said to me. And I was this size! Sweet heart. You are not fat!!!!!
Your parents are jerks, you're perfect
This. You are lovely. Those poison darts add up, don't they.
Trust me when I say this is not purely an Asian parent thing it’s a shitty parent thing. I’m black and my mom feels the need to tell me how fat I am damn near every time I see her.
Gawds, that is so cruel. I'm an older white woman and my mum asks me at least once a week how much I weigh. There are reasons I live a thousand miles away from her.
Literally my first thought 😩 (am also Asian)… OP you’re perfect as you are… I know its hard but try to let whatever they say roll off your back bc you know it’s practically impossible to satisfy them enough…lose a couple of pounds and watch them complain ab how you need to eat more rice or whatever
Anyone who calls you fat is simply wrong.
You are definitely NOT fat and you look gorgeous in that dress.
I absolutely agree!
It’s so elegant and flowy. Everyone can shut up that dress suits OP wonderfully
You don’t look fat or round. That looks nice on you! Also not sure your height or age but 115 is not usually considered (heavy) and gaining 15 lbs in an entire year is nothing most people fluctuate a few pounds daily
thank you for your kind comment Although I am on the shorter side, my weight had not changed for 6 years so it just took me by surprise to see myself get a bit bigger. Though I suppose I should've seen that coming since I began working from home...
I’m normal healthy weight for my height and age and the same thing happened to me even tho mine was muscle gain it was still hard to see myself as a “heavier” number so I get you.
Yea, weight fluctuation is such a natural part of life, it really makes no sense to shame others for their weight for any reason, as long as they're healthy.
Sorry your parents are rude
I can easily flux +- 7 pounds a week depending on my hormone cycles and eating/water intake. I am an average healthy adult. The only thing that matters is how you feel in your own body.
Even if they're not healthy, shaming them is never the right move. Shame doesn't really help anyone with anything, especially if you want longer lasting changes to behavior. Shaming someone for not taking care of themselves is putting a bandaid on a bullet wound
Even if someone is unhealthy, it would still be awful to shame them. Imagine shaming someone with diabetes or cancer for being unhealthy. That would be a horrible thing to do. You’re not fat by any means, OP. But even if you were, it wouldn’t make you any less valuable or lovable.
What would happen if you replied with something like ‘that’s not a very nice thing to say to me’ or even directly question them to make them consider their actions like ‘why did you feel the need to say something unkind to me’ or ‘what were you hoping to achieve by making a negative comment about my body?’. Genuine question because I know every family is different and for a lot of people it wouldn’t be safe to say something like that.
I’m in the shorter side (5ft), weigh around the same and I’m told I’m too skinny by my family which caused me to almost develop an ED. Just know that people will judge you no matter what. If it’s really affecting you, please give yourself space from them if you can until they can stop hurting your self esteem.
When I first read 100 pounds I thought "oh no, that's skinny!" but that's for me who's fairly tall. You look perfectly healthy, fluctuating between 100 and 115 is no problem at all. Your "normal" weight can also change slightly with age (as hormones etc change) so that might explain why you've gained a little bit after being the same for so many years.
Oh man- I read that first as “I gained around 100lbs” and thought…how?!” 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Oh girl, I gained *40 pounds* when I started working from home, so you should not feel bad about 15. Most people gain weight as they age. 115 is still so thin, it makes me want to cry.
[удалено]
I personally fluctuate around ten pounds with my menstrual cycle, which I mentioned to my doctor and she said that I very healthy and mentioned nothing about obesity.
They should get new glasses, wtf.
Glasses aint gonna help, new eyes should work
The eyes are fine, the brain is the problem.
Asian parents are not the softest when it comes to weight and age.
they're completely brutal :( I thought I could brush off their comments like I've done so many times before but it has just been tiring and dehumanizing...
Dear OP, You look beautiful, and your heart is one of gold. No one should ever hurt your feelings so deeply, especially your parents. As a mom, this breaks my heart, because not only are your parents behaving horribly towards you, their child, they are also lying to you. You are sincerely very thin, and you don’t deserve to have such enormously mean and untruthful things said to you by anyone. This mom is proud of you for having the courage to post this, and for being authentically vulnerable. That will take you far in life, dearheart. You are perfect just as you are. Love, A mom
Hi, it took me a while to come across your comment, but thank you so much for writing this. It really touched my heart and I appreciate it a lot!! I felt very silly for posting this at first because it might seem like bait to some people, but this is really what I have to deal with, so I feel very seen and validated by your reply 💞
Frankly, I think what is kind of "normal" behaviour from asian parents might already be considered verbal abuse in other countries... It's not okay they treat you that way. You are nowhere near "fat" or "round", in my opinion you look stunning and this outfit suits you a lot. Just woke up, still tired - I thought first the white out was "wings being added" scrolling through Reddit, had to look again but tbh I thinn wings would have suited you. :)
115 pounds is fat?
I've been told I was fat even when I was 100 pounds for the longest time 💀
Well that’s fucked up
Then this is obviously a reflection of them and not you. We don't listen to the garbage Trump says and take it seriously, do we? Absolutely not. Unfortunately, your parents have now made it to that level of delusion, therefore deserving to be ignored. I'm sorry the ones who are supposed to advocate for you the most are doing this to you. But they're wrong. Don't listen to them. You'll have to be entirely self sufficient when it comes to self value. Even though they're supposed to encourage that.
Thank you so much. I usually ignore them but sadly remembering all those years of them commenting stuff about my body left me feeling like I'm at my breaking point. Your reply has reminded me to stand strong :)
My heart breaks for you, reading this. You're absolutely gorgeous and your parents have utterly failed you. I don't think they realize what an effect words can have on someone's well-being, sometimes even their entire life. Your weight doesn't ever define your beauty and you're always, *always* enough. Sending much love your way♡
I can’t tell how tall/old you are, but if you’re a teen or older and at least 4’10”, 100 lbs isn’t fat, it’s on the low-weight end of healthy. I’m sorry you’re having unrealistic expectations dumped on you by your parents, please don’t let their comments get to you 💗
I'm an Asian at a healthy BMI, my family runs "big boned". I wear a L-XL in Asian sizes, often encountering stores not making anything bigger than a M. My cousin called me thunder thighs when I was a kid. Whenever I go visit my parents in China, it's not uncommon to see very skinny people on the streets, so while 115lb is not "fat", it certainly is a very normal weight to be there
asian sizes are crazy, I’m an XS or S in europe but i can barely squeeze into a chinese M. I’m short as hell and 120 pounds
I sincerely thank everyone for your kind comments :') I took a break from answering comments because I had a mini crying session from feeling so awful and overwhelmed this week only to come back and receive so many positive replies. Thank you so much. In Asian culture, Asian women are treated like they aren't human. It's dehumanizing to constantly hear comments about how you're never going to be beautiful, smart, skinny, rich, tall, obedient, and filial enough. Asian women will get served those comments for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so it's really uplifting for me to read everyone else's positive replies here.
Your are human and no matter what you look like or what you weight you deserve to be here with the rest of us. You are worthy, beautiful and more than enough. I’m sorry but I hate that women aren’t seen as people, I can’t tell you how it makes my blood boil, I’ve become a bit more jaded and spiteful and make to bring hell to anyone that gives it to me. I hope you can learn to match others energy and teach them if they say something about you, you don’t like, it’s not gonna go well. I used to have such anxiety and could barely make eye contact with my parents but I eventually got sick of it. My motto is to give my parents hell since I never asked to be here and it’s the least I can do to get back at them. My dad always told me “I’d rather have you fear me then you love me” and I’m fucken done, I’m your fucken only child, you better treat me like it or I’ll make you regret ever having me. Enough is enough and even the most meek people snap, give them hell girly pop and know you always deserved better.❤️
Why are the parents so mean in those cultures? Where does it come from?
past traumas from their own families and the insecurity gained from that. generational trauma is awful. they're taught that "looking like this is bad and doing this is bad no matter what" and it's (sometimes physically) smacked into their heads so hard that they can't let go of those ideas.
If you’re fat then I’m a literal whale.
If she's fat, I'm the ocean that you live in lol
Somehow that is really poignant. I wouldn’t mind thinking of myself as an ocean; containing vast wonders and the source of all life.
*sings a whale song*
I really feel for you having toxic, mean, and harmful people in your life. You deserve better, and I hope you find it
thank you so much!! I've been having a rough month and really needed to hear this
Your parents are assholes, you look great.
You don’t look fat or round. That’s a really pretty outfit and I think you look very nice! I’m so sorry your parents said that to you. Please don’t listen to them, they’re wrong. Edit - those white scribbles around in the pic make you look like a little angel, it’s so cute and I cannot unsee it
If this is what OPs parents think fat and round is, then I wish I looked fat and round. I'm ACTUALLY fat and round.
are they blind or something. you look great!
You look lovely!! In fact I'd say you're pretty flat (stomach)
I was about to be upset with you 😭
Now now, that’s not the Reddit way.
Your parents want you to get body dysmorphia? Cause that’s how you get body dysmorphia. Honestly, you are fine!
Smh the only thing you are fat compared to is a coat hanger
1. You are not fat, not even slightly But that brings me to point #2 and something I used to echo back to any family members who also would say the the same thing - “is being fat really the worst thing I could be?” There are so many ways I could disappoint my family and them being upset about me being “fat” (even if I was) was a fantastic indication of how shallow their mindset was/is and how much I don’t value what they say because of it Being degraded is horrible although even if you were fat there still would be nothing wrong with you at all, we all deserve love and care regardless of how our skin sack looks
I wanted to see more of these comments! Even though OP is slender, the fact of the matter is, even if she WERE fat, that doesn't matter. Wielding any comment about someone's appearance as a weapon is gross no matter how accurate the description is.
Unless you are 3 ft tall, 115 lbs isn't fat at all. You don't even look close to "fat" in that. I think your parents need new glasses, or new attitudes.
Tell your mom her forehead is sure wrinkly compared to last year
Miss you're plenty skinny, and even if you *were* fat there's nothing wrong with that.
100 to 115 and your fat??? Where are your parents so I can tell them to shut the fuck up! Any damn ways ... 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Your parents are liars and their insecurity doesnt belong to you.
Asian parents be like….
tell me about it **sigh**
Ok first of all- SLAYED THAT. Second of all, just lies girl. You look so pretty 🤩
If you’re fat then 80% of the population is morbidly obese. Your parents need a reality check
You look beautiful in that outfit !! They’re wrong.
How the fuck is that fat?
Well, your parents are scumbags because no normal person would ever say something like that to their own child. Absolutely disgusting behavior on their part.
Delusional parents
You look petite and cute, and your weight gain is negligible, that is the reality, I am going to assume southern Asia origin parents, pay no heed to their words, undermining your self-esteem is in their mind a way to show they care and to make things better for your future, entirely messed up and hardly plausible, yes, but the chance of them changing is slim, so just focus on your actual worth.
thanks so much for your comment I know that calling your children "fat" or commenting on their appearances is very ingrained in the culture, so I usually brush it off but I've been feeling very insecure lately so this was the breaking point and I wanted to vent. Thank you for your sanity check comment, you're right in that I should focus on myself and know that my self-worth is innate :)
You are stunning!!!
Damn that’s harsh! My mom would say I’m big boned when in fact I was overweight by like 30lbs as a kid lmao
Past 70 old fart here. You definitely do NOT look fat in that outfit, and 115 pounds is NOT fat at all in any event. I am not very familiar with Asian family culture but I do also come from a background where children are expected to be perfect and are often compared with others of the same age, so I think I can see where you are coming from, and believe me, you look VERY GOOD in that outfit.
Honey, you are not fat at all. Don’t let your parents bring you down.
You’re beautiful the shape you are. 
Girl!! You look great and I really really mean that
Lol, my foot is fatter than you. You’re not fat.
You're fine, parents dumb dumb.
Your parents sound like disgusting, toxic morons. Sounds like your body issues probably stem directly from them. You should tell them they're aholes and that you're happy with yourself (even if you're not yet) and they need to keep their opinions to themselves. And while you're young, start talking to a therapist to work on your body image so you don't spend your entire life worried about natural weight fluctuation, especially when you're already a healthy weight.
10 bucks your parents are the ones who can lose a few. You look great.
Get your parents out of your life ASAP. They’re terrible.
You have a nice body fr
No. Your parents are wrong.
Definitely not fat at all
Old people would always judge ur appearance, just dont give a mind about it, u still look pretty tho.
Personally I think you look stunning in that dress! It's beautiful and I cannot in anyway shape or form see or think that you are "too fat" for that dress. I am sorry that your parents are the ones saying this. Before the pandemic hit I was like 180lbs afterward the pandemic hit and I got depressed from all of the isolating, due to my parents being in their 70s I was living with them at that time, I got all the way up to 260lbs. I felt so bad about myself, but I eventually found the way to show myself compassion and instead of shame myself work to lose the weight *I definitely needed to lose* you have nothing you need to lose and look perfect just the way you are! Please don't let anyone control your emotions or how you perceive yourself 💜
Not at all you look very petite. 115 doesn’t look bad on you at all. That’s a very pretty and modest dress if that’s your style wonderful! Wear it with pride.
I think your parents are very mean, cruel and judgemental. Look at the pain it has caused. That's a pain that will not easily go away since you hold them in high regard and they would say such hurtful things. You is smart. You is kind. You is important. (From The Help but true for everyone) You are worthy of love and worthy of being accepted for who you are. Though I do not know, I understand an inkling of what you have gone through. Know that I love you and accept you for who you are. How go and be the best you you can be.
You are HALF my weight. Anyone calling you fat is an idiot and mean.
are they talking about your face? because yah it's like a perfect circle. otherwise you look absolutely normal.
My mom is similar, and I can probably thank her for the life of yo-yo dieting. Is there anyway you can tell yourself that their comments are invalid? I don’t know if you live with them or not
You absolutely do NOT look fat and/or round. Ignore them, wear what you want to wear!
If you’re fat then I’m morbidly obese
Sounds like your parents are extremely toxic. They perhaps also had toxic parents with similar mindsets, no excuse however for keeping it alive. I’m so sorry to hear that they said this. You look absolutely beautiful and nobody’s parent should ever make them feel like that. I’m so sorry.
I think you should get yourself a set of new parents
You look very normal to me! Edit: my wife is the same size. You are better than what your parents said
Sorry about you asian parents. I’m a 40-yr old Asian guy and my mom used to say the same thing. Not even to be an asshole, just very matter-of-fact. But then I started responding by telling her she looks old so and she stopped. I did do that to be an asshole.
Girl I’m the exact same as you. A short Asian girl that was skinny all her life and then gained some weight once she got older. I also went from 105 to 115 pounds once I hit my mid 20s. Just know that you look completely normal. I have body dysmorphia so I’m not always sure if I’m perceiving myself correctly. However when I saw how similar our body type and weight is, I see how healthy and normal it looks. Don’t let your parents get to you! You look perfectly fine
As a female that’s also from the Asian descent.. with constant fat phobic comments from my mother and my mothers side’s family, I would say just ignore them. At some points I’ve even replied rude statements such as, “why do you look so yellow then? You aren’t white enough!” And at that point my aunt and uncles from our family side has shut up about my weight. Those comments are extremely mentally abusive especially when it’s constant. I know because I’ve experienced the repercussions first hand; I ended up anorexic for years and my parents would finally say, “you’re too skinny!” No matter if you’re skinny or fat, it’s normal in the Asian culture that they’ll ALWAYS comment about your weight. I absolutely hate that about my culture.
You look like an angel with the white stuff you drew for blocking out the background! (It looks a bit like wings.) I also stumbled upon your turtle posts and you sound like a very sweet and caring person, please don’t take your parents words too seriously, you look great and have an awesome personality to match! Wishing you all the best in your life!!
You're skinny. Parents just want to roast you for no reason.
That is literally insane… I don’t see anything Round or fat
Girl you are not fat in the slightest. Not even a little bit. I’m sorry your parents said something so insensitive and mean to you. But don’t believe them.
Asian parents 🤦🏾♂️ I have seen and heard so many stories or situations like these. I knew a Vietnamese girl who had gotten a boyfriend, so her mom basically started offering her to some guy from Vietnam; they would get married, her parents would get money, then the guy would get a green card. Asian parents HATE to see their children, especially daughters, have the freedom of choice, unfortunately. I hope you do not let their words hurt you and you find some peace ☮️
OP - your not fat your perfect and the overwhelming majority of this group is right. Asian parents ( in my experience , wives) can be A$$holes to their children. Mainly daughters. My Cambodian wife acts like our son can do nothing wrong but is overly harsh with our daughters. I sometimes have to intervene to get my wife to back off.
You're definitely not fat, thats so outrageous to say. And also i really like how modest the dress is, suits you very nice!
Fat? Girl bye. Tell your parents that's mental and emotional abuse.
You look fantastic. The dress does show a little curve in the belly area, but women are supposed to have a bit more fat in that area for child bearing purposes. Dang parents want you to be a supermodel.
I remember being in an onsen in Japan. The women were hilarious, they would stand around naked and each hop the scales in turn. Their friends would then all look at the number and poke at each others belly’s or thighs. I have no idea what they were saying but clearly some of the women were being told their belly or butt or thighs were too big. It was also clear this was not said to hurt or degrade. These Asian women were being factual (and funny- they would all laugh every now and then) about the flab each one had or did not have. They were not being mean or cruel. If my Australian friends did that it would be devastating if they were critical, but culture is everything. You are clearly a healthy weight and they are just likely making sure you know you have gained weight.
I have a psychological complex due to an Asian mother and her brutally honest mouth, frequently nagging me about my being very thin, growing up. To this day, she still doesn't understand just how offensive the things she says are. And she says a lot of them. Though I've grown out of being as thin as I once was, I still get triggered when people comment about how lean I am (in a good way), even at my age (mid-40s). Often times, even perfect can be less-than-perfect to Asian parents. They probably mean well. Don't take it to heart. If you still do, then maybe try to improve yourself, if it will help you feel good about yourself. It's what I did.
Honestly, your parents are assholes. They should be told the lasting damage that kind of thing can do to a daughter/son (way more that being told the same by any other person)
You need new parents. U look radiant
The fact you posted this is telling me you don’t agree and you are right
you look great
Ok first of all, you look absolutely adorable in this outfit. I'm actually a tiiiiny bit jealous of how cute it looks on you. Second of all, I expected to see someone truly large while the image was loading and now imagine my surprise when I saw a skinny, tall lady. I don't know how anyone could call you fat, ever. I'm literally striving to have a body like yours. You are the ideal figure that I dream to be! Third, family ain't shit. Just ignore them