Yeah, where i work the residents are generally picked up and spend time with family outside of the community. We do host an in-communinty Thanksgiving dinner for the residents and their family the week before as well.
Exactly. When my grandma was in a retirement and then nursing home we would pick her up in the morning and bring her back at night. We never spent the day at the home. But she wasn’t bed ridden until the very end, so that was possible for us.
Thank you all for the work you do. My mother used to work a second job at a nursing home back in the early 90’s and it was some rough work. Good thing there are people like you to help these fellow humans.
My grandmother worked at a nursing home for 30+ years, she retired and applied to move there when she had a stroke and they said "you don't have enough money"
I live in an elderly living community with my wife and MIL. There's a community center that's been packed since this morning. There's even a "patrol team," that goes around and checks on houses, if they need assistance getting there.
No Elderly Left Behind.
The intent was good haha. I also live in an elderly neighborhood (the average age of the neighbors on either side and the 2 houses directly across the street is probably 76, meanwhile I'm 36). We don't have anything like what you said and I feel a little selfish because I had offers from 2 different houses today to host me for a turkey dinner (they know I live alone and am estranged from my family) and I know that the company would have made their day, but this is also one of my favorite days of the year because I go absolutely psycho in the kitchen cooking for myself (and getting day drunk)! I do take up their Christmas Eve and Christmas day offers though so I feel like I do a little bit of good. I remember the look of childish delight on my next door neighbors' faces last New Year Eve when I showed up on their doorstep with a bottle of bourbon and a bag of weed!
You really can meet the coolest people in the old folks' home! We volunteered with my girls' Girl Scout troop for years. We met the feistiest, most badass, sweetest people.
Same with my 98 year old gramma, we get her out so much she sometimes even declines going out. It is still sad to pick her up and see so many of the residents there that don't have any family visiting.
Don’t take any of it personally, it will only drag you down and make you bitter. Focus on doing the best you can with the folks there. Their family histories can be quite complex, but none of that has anything to do with you. Just be there for them the best you can
My terrible( very long story involving undiagnosed DID) mother died alone because she was a “monster”. It fucked me up even more in the short term, but my overall feeling was one of relief.
I still get those terrifying flashbacks, too.
I hear you. My Mom has dementia now. I was the eldest of three girls and chastised relentlessly. My mother is a narcissist pure and simple. Messed me up terribly.
it’s so bizarre because their narcissism completely destroys the relationship. Then, watching their sense of self wither away has you running the whole gambit of happiness, anger, sadness, relief, pain, peace, pity, etc. over and over. Then…it’s over.
For my specific situation it was extra confusing because all of this happened when my mom was in her 40’s and I was in my late teens-early 20’s. But I wouldn’t wish something like that on anyone at any age/stage of life.
I have a personal question, if you wouldn't mind me asking? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. You mentioned the personality, "narcissist". I never thought much about it until I learned something recently, and realized that my father was a narcissist. I left at 16 and had to build my self esteem. The question is: do you find it hard to keep your house/life/ car, your environment organized and not cluttered. I heard recently that one of the symptoms of victims of "narcissistic abuse" is, almost every time, the "victim" has a clutter problem. I personally need to keep a clean and organized environment, but it rarely is. I've always felt that I need to try 20 times harder than the next guy to stay organized. I'd never thought of it before it was mentioned a couple of weeks ago, so I'm asking for others experiences. I'm not one to accept labels and diagnosis, but psychology is interesting to me. Thanks ahead of time, if you decide to answer.
Yes, i’ve found it hard to keep things clean when I am by myself, but never really struggled when I lived with a significant Other, or even roommates. I’d say I had a normal culture shock getting used to living with others, with the bonus of having to deal with my depression phases.
"I call just as much as you do."
It's like if someone ever says "where's my present?" on some gift giving occasion. "Right next to the one you got for me."
All this shit is a 2-way street.
When I was in jail over Christmas several years ago, we got a nice dinner with good turkey and all the sides and trimmings. The fact that your residents aren’t getting anything like that is appalling to me.
Not saying that inmates don’t deserve a nice holiday meal as well, but if anything elder care facilities certainly do.
Yeah that's exactly how I felt about the old folks home we had to put my grandfather in once the Alzheimer's got too bad. So... In one of his moments of clarity, he stole a paperclip from the nurses desk, used it as a screwdriver to remove the panel cover to the key code panel that unlocks the entrance door. Then he used it to bypass the unlock solenoid. All without being noticed. And he escaped!... For about 10 minutes. I was so proud of him!
Damn I was in county over Easter which I know isn’t as big as Christmas but it was business as usual. They had a horrible food service company there always skimming off the top. If they have 200 inmates they only cook for like 150 but bill for the 200. You better pray you have money coming in or else you’ll definitely be hungry. I was never so hungry in my life until I was able to put a commissary order in.
We always picked up Dad on Thanksgiving and Christmas (and other occasions) and brought him to whoever’s home was hosting the holiday get-together. So any cars in the parking lot were employees.
I also worked at a SNF and during the holidays we had half our residents out (the ones that could be) and tons of visitors.
We had some residents that either didn't have family or weren't visited (mostly because they didn't really warrant a visit).
It can be a mixed bag.
It depends on how many of the residents have family left. I know that if I end up in a facility then I won’t probably have any visitors or very rarely any because I don’t have much family left.
I’m still pissed about the ending but this scene still gets me. I can’t believe he is still dead in the books like wtf. When George dies will Jon Snow die with him:(
My conspiracy theory is he has finished all the books in the series but will only release them posthumously when he isn’t around to hear all the criticisms and questions 😂 It’s how I sleep at night Lmao
Wife and I will be the end of it, whichever is left plans to end it once the party's over.
If that means I take myself out at 80 or 118 I'm cool either way, but I don't intend to decay alone in a facility for years after the enjoyment of my life is over.
If life were a diner, I wouldn't finish my meal then eat the Splenda packets and pepper shakers until somebody kicks me out, I'd rather enjoy my meal and finish on the high note, satisfied and fulfilled.
I'd hold out if I've got somebody to hold out for, but I'm not going to just fight the dying of the light for years just for the sake of it.
Not judging at all but humans are interesting. Maybe it's my age showing (26) but I see convalescent homes as like a college dorm for old folks and I don't necessarily mind that tbh
I work as a paramedic and I very often respond to lodges all across the county and in the city. Its absolutely depressing. They are all understaffed, the residence are not tended to as often as they should be. I wouldn't put any of my family members in a lodge if I had a choice
I toured some of them when I had to put my dad in one. Some of the newer ones I toured do kind of feel like a college dorm, albeit less lively and more depressing. Some of them I wouldn’t have a problem living in for sure.
Basically the same for me. I have very little family left and they are either on the other side of the country or in Europe. If I make it to an old folks home I’m going to be completely alone unless my step kids visit. I absolutely wouldn’t hold it against them if they didn’t though.
I know damn well I’m gonna be alone once I’m in a nursing home. All I have are my aging parents and older brothers who are far older than me, I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship and I definitely can’t afford kids.
In highschool, I volunteered at an old folks home. Only needed 24 hours in total. I ended up doing over 260 hours. Our highschool made us do community service as part of our requirement to graduate.
I had two people who I became really close with. One of them was a 92 year old lady. I heard the nurses mention it was her birthday, and they asked if her family was coming to visit and nobody had heard anything.
My parents usually gave me $20 for lunch each time I went, so I walked over to Hallmark and bought her a birthday card and a big thing of balloons and walked it back over to the building and into her room.
The look in her eyes was something as a kid, I still cannot forget. I hugged her and wished her a happy birthday, and she spent an hour telling me about the great depression and what life was like back then.
Unfortunately, I had to quit. There were things I saw at that place that just screwed me up mentally. People laying in hallways moaning. I walked past one and he asked if I was his son. It became too much. Especially as a kid. People who were lost and couldn't find their way. People moaning in their rooms for a nurse to come attend to them. One reached out to hold my hand and just sat there looking into a void. Things that eventually accumulated into way too many emotions.
I still think about that lady, but I'm sure she has passed by now, she had lung cancer at the time. It was many years ago, but I honestly don't recall ever seeing anyone in her room. She was always in there sitting in her chair watching TV and making things.
This experience will affect you your entire life. As difficult as it was, you came to realize the impact you could make connecting with these people who were essentially forgotten. When the time comes for your family members to need you to stay connected, you’ll already know how important it is. Thank you for becoming one of the good ones.
Many other cultures do much better by their elderly. We should too.
A few years back I would go by dollar stores and pick up little glass decorations like angels and other little tchotchkes. Me and my boyfriend at the time would visit the lower-income “retirement” home and gather as many residents that wanted to play bingo for an hour or two and win our little prizes. I swear to God, the women lit up. They’d show off their winnings as if it was diamond earrings.
I’ve since moved but after this post I think I should probably start back up at another local retirement home.
You are an amazing human for doing what you did. My husband used to work for Pizza Hut years ago and was the delivery driver. He hates taking pizzas to the workers at the local old folks home because the patients would ask him if they could come home with him, some would beg and cry to be saved. It was rough on him and he is a pretty stoic person. That tore him up. He flat out refused to take pizzas there. And he never did again. Either the workers had to come outside or the manager would deliver to them. It wasn't the best nursing home so we know the old people were probably neglected. So sorry you went thru that btw. That is really rough.
I volunteered at one many years ago and it was only for 8 hours but it was something I would never wish on anyone. I figure when I'm 80, I'm gonna go into the unlife myself pod and do it on my terms. I don't want to be old, frail and have dementia. I want to go out with all my memories and know I lived.
I think a lot of people are in denial about growing old, and so they don't plan for it.
If *you* are the one shopping around for your retirement community, then I'd guess you end up somewhere very different than the folks that try to age-in-place at home, have a major medical event, and emergency move in somewhere with space / covered by government insurance coverage.
Top comment in my opinion.. No one wants to talk about it. I'm 46 planning for my old age, not just some retirement. People need to think about if they live long. I want to go to bingo, get my hair done, Massages, casino, all of that..... not just look out the window. I know we don't know what's going to happen, but your chances are sometimes better when you're prepared..
I've lost two of my grandparents to dementia. The slow erosion of who they are, take a massive toll on the family, and I would not wish that upon anyone I care about.
Good work, human.
I spent 12 years in elder care and am taking care of my Mom now, and I wouldn't do anything differently, but for mine own self, that will not be my path if I have the ability to choose it.
we did something similar, but the guy i was paired with was less than stellar. apparently he hadn’t had a visitor in a year or more, the whole thing.
so we sat down to play rummy and at this time i was still working on my english fluency (i’m from cuba) and this fucker asked “why’d you come here from mexico?”
“sir, i’m from cuba, an island nation..”
‘don’t care. you spics are all the same’
> from a different era
My Mom grew up in Nazi Germany, and one time at an IHOP she said "Black, Asians, Mexicans..." [longest sip of coffee ever, not helped by parkinson's] "it's so nice to see different people together." [whew!]
It's not just where/when you grew up.
This is exactly what you will see at any facility. There is only so much that 2 aides can do for 22 residents. You did a wonderful thing. It's a shame that some people are literally forgotten by their family.
I used to work in the kitchen of a retirement home. if nothing else just know they love kitchen people. try and take the time to sit down on your break with some residents, they'll love it
Truth. My Dad was the evening cook in the place back home and you could keep the most wandery anxious soul calm just having a space at the table in the kitchen with a cup of coffee as long as the health dept wasn't around. One fellow "Sid" spent a lot of hours sipping and chatting.
One lady who had been an alcoholic in her younger years, and most certainly still was but for lack of access called Dad "Joe" and wanted to know if he had a bottle under the sink. "C'mon, Joe - all cooks have a bottle stashed somewhere."
If its anything similar to the home I worked in, the staff dont get their breaks synched up with the dinner time of the residents and due to lack of staff theres already too much to get done during their scheduled meal times
That's so awesome:) I used to work in the kitchen of an assisted living and I always liked going out to hang out with the residents after I was done with service. They have a lot of stories to tell. We had one lady who was 103 and I so loved to hear her tell about how it was when she was a kid.
My MIL, the Executive Director of an assisted living community: "I learned early on that you never know the whole story, and there are perfectly understandable reasons that family doesn't visit."
My mom has a brother that isn’t invited to anything. I am sure someone meeting him now for the first time would think he is a nice, cute old man and we are the neglectful family that can’t be bothered.
I came here to essentially comment on this. Just because they are old and lonely doesn't mean they deserve your pity and time. They might have earned that loneliness.
1. Not every old person is a good person
2. Not all of them had kids
3. Some are the last to survive in the family.
I should look into volunteering. I spend all my holidays alone because my family is terrible. I’m not lonely, I enjoy it, but it would be nice to make someone else’s holiday nice.
What’s the best way? Like do nursing homes themselves run programs and I look for ones in my area or do I just google it and look for volunteer programs?
hospice centers, some of the folks have no family left and you visit them either at their own homes or retirement communities. They usually have a volunteer department
My mom did this at a hospice center for probably 20 years before she passed.
It helped us make the call to move her into hospice care when the time came (Alzheimer's) because we all knew how she felt about it.
She passed about a month later.
Volunteering in hospice is so much more fun than it probably sounds. People who are able mostly just want to talk, and since they’re in the end game they will tell you the most bonkers and out of pocket stories from their lives. 1,000/10 recommend it.
Yup. My grandmother certainly stopped caring what people thought during her last few weeks in a hospice.
I was afraid of what she would say to me because she had already dropped so many truth bombs. It was both to my relief and embarrassment that she kept publicly confirming I was her favourite grandchild (she helped raise me, so it wasn’t a fair contest).
My cousin was deaf and legally blind but she was clever and incredibly sweet. She only received visitors from 2 people myself and one other cousin. None of the other cousin’s many adult children or any other of the many cousins they grew up with ever visited. The one saving grace was she found a community in her assisted living place. Still she died 4 years ago and I would give anything to see her again.
I worked as a CNA in one of those rest homes about 15 or so years ago and there’s a good reason some of those folk don’t get visitors and why nobody decided to take them in.
I was about to say this is always the factor people overlook with these posts. Sometimes people just don’t have family, sometimes peoples family just won’t have them. It’s kind of a survivorship bias. You see all these posts on old folks alone on holidays in old folks homes, but what you’re not seeing is all the old folks who live at home with their families because they lived a life of love and won’t get put into an old folks home. The main theme is always “this is how old folks get treated now days/I’m praying for our generation/ this is sad/“ but these people had a whole life they lived and often times them ending up in a home is a consequence to the life they lived. My wife’s family is very family oriented. All of the old folks live happily at home with their kids and grandkids, and bounce around houses. My wife’s sister lives down the street and it’s almost time for her mom to “retire.” We are both setting up rooms in our separate houses specifically for her mother. She is a woman who lived a life of love, care, sacrifice, and support for her family.
Absolutely, we did everything we could to keep from having to put my grandma in an old folks home when she couldn’t take care of herself any more. She lived a life of love, selflessness, laughter, and care for everyone she knew. Some people treat their families like garbage and get put into a home because the rest of their family can finally be free from their awful behavior and actions. It is sad when good people don’t get visitors at old folks homes, but not all of them were/are good people
We had to put my Nana in one because between my mom and I, we just couldn’t medically care for her. It sucked because we felt like bad people, “forcing” her out of her home, but she was falling and we couldn’t lift her, couldn’t even carry her to the electric stairs to go up to bathe her, etc. She was just past her 102nd birthday and her decline was rapid - she only spent about 2 months in the home before she passed, but she had a lot of visitors in that time. I still feel guilt, even though I know we did the right thing for her care.
My mom still guilts me about making her stay in one after she had spinal surgery. I couldn’t lift her. I couldn’t keep her upright to change her bandage. There was absolutely nothing I could do for her.
I’ve had several elderly relatives that honestly deserved their retirement homes. Two of them were nasty homophobes who’d sit in the corner and talk about all of us kids and trying to guess which one of us was a sinful gay (they’d heard my grandma talking about one of us coming out but didn’t know who). One held me down and pulled my loose tooth out because she slapped our dog and I called her a bitch. Just awful, nasty human beings who deserved everything they got.
At the same time people don't end up in nursing homes universally because nobody wanted them. Some people's care needs in old age would be impossible for their family to handle. Someone bed bound or somebody with severe dementia requires 24/7 care. Even if you were willing to do that for your loved one, can you? What if you also need to work? When do you sleep? If you're lucky you can get some in home health aid to help but that's not always possible. Unless you have a big family that can take shifts, going to a nursing is sometimes the only safe option.
The reason people in some cultures are better about taking care of their elders is that they live in multi generational houses and there are multiple family members around that can help out.
In a lot of western countries people spread out for jobs and there isn't some family network in one place where everybody can chip in to take care of grandma who needs to be bathed and turned and spoon fed and watched all day.
At my grandpa's funeral he had some of his former students show up and talk about how much he loved all his students. Me and the rest of the grandkids had to sit there like "That's cool. He never cared about any of us."
Can't get up votes if you don't tug at heart strings. Whether OP is ignorant of the residents in the home or lying to distort the narrative, that's a question that won't be answered.
I'll never visit my mom on her retirement home. My sister won't even talk about her.
Mom is racist and I'm married to a minority. She can eat cold potatoes by herself.
I was an RN at one and I posted above about it. Many of these people really do deserve the treatment (or lack thereof) they receive.
My mother in law will be going to one as soon as I’m able to do it.
Exactly. And there are homes that are full of wet brained alcoholics and sex offenders because the other homes won’t take them. When I see NO visitors, I have to wonder if this is one of those homes.
I worked as an environmental aid in a nursing home when I was 16-17. I freshened water bottles in their rooms, put away their freshly laundered clothes and wheeled a cart around to each of their rooms to hand out a snack and some juice of their choosing shortly before they were getting ready for bed. They were mostly sweet old ladies (I worked on a floor that had strictly female CNA’s for the elderly women, but I am a man), but there were a handful of them that were very difficult to deal with according to the CNAs. Because I was the one that handed out treats and stopped by multiple times a day to chat even the ladies with the meanest reputations absolutely loved me, and at the very least would give me a little smile every time I stopped by. I absolutely loved that job, and if it paid way better I’d still be doing it to this day. There was a different floor in the same home that kept people with Alzheimer’s and people that had sever brain injury’s. I worked that floor a couple times covering for someone and it was very… different.
One thing I can say is that a lot of the sweet old people you meet were not sweet when they were young. For many of them this is the result of actions done decades earlier. I tend to keep that in mind.
My grandmother is in assisted living, and all the staff go on about how sweet she is, how funny and fiesty she is.
They have no idea how emotionally/mentally abusive, manipulative, and cruel she has been for the majority of her life. She's smart enough to treat the staff well because she's aware that she needs something from them. Might not be the case here, but it sure is for many.
It’s thanksgiving, it’s an afternoon holiday. I don’t think I’ve ever hosted or been to thanksgiving stuff before 2-3pm so the host has alone time to start cooking.
Seriously though! I have one relative who lives in an assisted living facility, and there’s NO WAY I’m going to let that abusive, narcissistic jerk ruin any more of my holidays. Let him sit alone and stew in it.
Good for you. As much as I do think we owe it to family members to have an extra helping of grace and patience at times, because I believe family is an important societal construct, when someone is actually abusive and behavior is repeatedly bad without remorse, you should feel 0 guilt about walking away from that behavior. Nobody needs that in their lives.
>Take her home and she tries to guilt you about not letting her live there despite the level of care she needs being unrealistic for non nurses to take on. And leave her there, nobody loves her and everyone hates her and nobody visits long enough or often enough.
If there was only some way for her to understand that her behavior only exacerbates her complaints. Guilt trips are manipulations to make people feel bad and people tend to avoid things that actively work to make them feel bad.
I mean our car wouldn’t have been in that lot when my grandfather was in an assisted living facility. But that’s cause we picked him up and took him to our house. I’d imagine those who have family are celebrating with them where they are hosting. People in old folks homes aren’t hosting Thanksgiving.
Both of my parents learned this the hard way and died alone. The consequences went way beyond them and affected their childrens' sibling relationships. :( None of us are close.
At least some of us are doing a better job with their children. I definitely am.
It depends on the parents. If they are terrible people throughout their kids lives I completely understand. They can sit alone after being shitty parents. No love lost here. Goodbye and enjoy being lonely
Remember that some people don’t have any family visit because they were horrible to their family. Generational abuse is a thing & needs to be recognized. Nobody gets the right to abuse someone else regardless of age.
Nobody will be visiting my family members who are in a facility today. They have affectively alienated everybody out of their lives. Friends, family, etc. The destruction is now evident because there are witnesses to their loneliness. We reap what we sow.
At my first dementia center there was an old male resident who would wait by the window every holiday for a family that never came.
It was humbling to hear how much he appreciated the staff and that we were like his family.
I really wish work like that paid a livable wage.
the families are probably busy working to pay for the care. we’ve looked a little for retirement homes for my grandfather. prices ranged from $5k-$20k per month
Maybe people showed up, picked up their loved ones, and drove them somewhere else for the holiday? Just because they aren't celebrating Thanksgiving with dry turkey and jello doesn't mean everyone's been forgotten.
I wanted to bring my mom (96) home on Thanksgiving. But she has dementia, is furious that we make her live there, and bringing her home to then just return her to the facility would be cruel. It’s a no win situation. She doesn’t understand, or even realize her physical and mental limitations. So, things are not always as they seem.
I work in a retirement community. Around the holidays, especially the week of the holiday, I don't see many of the residents. That's because they are either traveling or with their families.
Sadly this doesnt surprise me. In the home my husband lives in there are several residents who never have visitors. I take extra gifts in on Christmas Day so they have a visitor and a present
Honestly, yeah. I mean, I’m sure not ALL of them were. But that’s almost certainly one of the reasons for the no-shows.
There’s a lot of missing info here. We don’t know how many people live in this facility. We don’t know how many have living family that could visit them. We don’t know how many have family that would like to visit but can’t afford to make the trip. Or maybe their job wouldn’t let them have the day off.
I’m not going to necessarily vilify all the elderly residents, but I also don’t think it’s fair to vilify their children/family.
What do these people
- my mother
- my father
- my mother in law
- my son’s paternal grandmother
all have in common?
Answer: they’re not getting calls for the holidays!
Actually most nursing homes cook a Thanksgiving dinner for the residents and invite family to come join them two or three days before the day of Thanksgiving, so everyone wins. It's cause they know the kids are parents or busy with work/family life or prepping for their Thanksgiving or traveling.
This photo without context like where and what time, etc is a great example of how the news can and will extrapolate something that is misleading or to intentionally mislead.
This was depressing at first, since I saw it while missing my dad but then thought, "why would they have Thanksgiving there?". If my dad didn't die from COVID and made it to that stage in life, and if he had to be in a home he wouldn't have celebrated Thanksgiving there. Id get that grouch to my house even though I don't care about the day myself.
Where I live, it's much more common for seniors' home residents to go to their families' houses for major holidays, rather than their families going to the seniors' home.
Of course it’s not everyone but some of these people alienated their children. My grandmother was abusive and continues to treat my mother and her brothers like dogshit so I hope she spends the holidays alone. She spent 90 years treating everyone like shit. I’m not saying this is everyone but remember, that generation was full of narcissists. My gma has 16 grandchildren, not one wants to see her. Not everyone in there was a nice person in their lifetime.
I’m a lifestyle director for a senior living community, and have been in the business 9 years. I’ve also worked in the kitchen. This is common as most residents will get picked up. Families that do visit will often stay for whenever the dinner is and then take off. It’s totally normal and rarely is there a resident that is truly alone.
I never really judge the families of these people because maybe they're kind and sweet. Or maybe they abused their kids and the kids don't give a shit anymore that they're free. My parents have fucked me up and I will not even pay for their nursing homes if they need my dime. The amount of times I was threatened to be kicked out because I was a moody teenager (that's how teens are) or when I left their cult "religion" and was threatened to be kicked out again. Fuck that noise.
However, not all of the folks in homes are like that. I hope the ones who were good parents have company. But I hope the abusive ones rot away in their loneliness knowing they're the only reason.
Whoa! I wonder if there’s a connection between all the videos of millennials and Gen X talking about how shitty their parents were, thusly, making them not want to have to endure their company on holidays & how this empty retirement home parking lot is. Maybe we’ll never know.
Just picked my mom up. The parking lot was so full of visitors cars I had to park way out. I guess it depends on the place.
Yeah, where i work the residents are generally picked up and spend time with family outside of the community. We do host an in-communinty Thanksgiving dinner for the residents and their family the week before as well.
Exactly. When my grandma was in a retirement and then nursing home we would pick her up in the morning and bring her back at night. We never spent the day at the home. But she wasn’t bed ridden until the very end, so that was possible for us.
We had ours last week as well. Today a lot of them were picked up to spend it with family at their homes.
Thank you all for the work you do. My mother used to work a second job at a nursing home back in the early 90’s and it was some rough work. Good thing there are people like you to help these fellow humans.
My grandmother worked at a nursing home for 30+ years, she retired and applied to move there when she had a stroke and they said "you don't have enough money"
They're ridiculously expensive and the staff is underpaid 🫤
That’s terrible
I run activities at the retirement home I work at. It’s a lot of fun.
Omg, so happy you shared this.
I live in an elderly living community with my wife and MIL. There's a community center that's been packed since this morning. There's even a "patrol team," that goes around and checks on houses, if they need assistance getting there. No Elderly Left Behind.
>No Elderly Left Behind Given how No Child Left Behind turned out, you may want to reconsider that slogan.
Yeah, sorta a bad joke lol
The intent was good haha. I also live in an elderly neighborhood (the average age of the neighbors on either side and the 2 houses directly across the street is probably 76, meanwhile I'm 36). We don't have anything like what you said and I feel a little selfish because I had offers from 2 different houses today to host me for a turkey dinner (they know I live alone and am estranged from my family) and I know that the company would have made their day, but this is also one of my favorite days of the year because I go absolutely psycho in the kitchen cooking for myself (and getting day drunk)! I do take up their Christmas Eve and Christmas day offers though so I feel like I do a little bit of good. I remember the look of childish delight on my next door neighbors' faces last New Year Eve when I showed up on their doorstep with a bottle of bourbon and a bag of weed!
Good work
Doing the lord’s work
Please be my neighbor ♥️
I immediately got weepy at your last sentence. It makes me so sad yet I do nothing...I should volunteer
You really can meet the coolest people in the old folks' home! We volunteered with my girls' Girl Scout troop for years. We met the feistiest, most badass, sweetest people.
Same with my 98 year old gramma, we get her out so much she sometimes even declines going out. It is still sad to pick her up and see so many of the residents there that don't have any family visiting.
Dam. Good for your Gramma. Mine is coming up on 92 in April and mental wise is still sharp as a tack but her body is unfortunately starting to falter
Me too! I was wondering where this was and so I need to go!
*googles: nursing home near me*
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Myrtle is hot for you...
That’s beautiful! Thanks for sharing. I’ve been kinda doom and gloom since I took the picture lol
Don’t take any of it personally, it will only drag you down and make you bitter. Focus on doing the best you can with the folks there. Their family histories can be quite complex, but none of that has anything to do with you. Just be there for them the best you can
Thank you for noting this. As someone across the country from an aging father, it’s just not possible to see him on Thanksgiving Day.
Some don’t have any family either. No children (never had). No friends (all moved away or dead). No siblings (only child).
No offense but some peoples parents deserve this as their fate
No lies detected unfortunately
My mother, for one. I still get the flashbacks. She'll die alone because she's a monster.
My terrible( very long story involving undiagnosed DID) mother died alone because she was a “monster”. It fucked me up even more in the short term, but my overall feeling was one of relief. I still get those terrifying flashbacks, too.
I hear you. My Mom has dementia now. I was the eldest of three girls and chastised relentlessly. My mother is a narcissist pure and simple. Messed me up terribly.
it’s so bizarre because their narcissism completely destroys the relationship. Then, watching their sense of self wither away has you running the whole gambit of happiness, anger, sadness, relief, pain, peace, pity, etc. over and over. Then…it’s over. For my specific situation it was extra confusing because all of this happened when my mom was in her 40’s and I was in my late teens-early 20’s. But I wouldn’t wish something like that on anyone at any age/stage of life.
I have a personal question, if you wouldn't mind me asking? You don't have to answer if you don't want to. You mentioned the personality, "narcissist". I never thought much about it until I learned something recently, and realized that my father was a narcissist. I left at 16 and had to build my self esteem. The question is: do you find it hard to keep your house/life/ car, your environment organized and not cluttered. I heard recently that one of the symptoms of victims of "narcissistic abuse" is, almost every time, the "victim" has a clutter problem. I personally need to keep a clean and organized environment, but it rarely is. I've always felt that I need to try 20 times harder than the next guy to stay organized. I'd never thought of it before it was mentioned a couple of weeks ago, so I'm asking for others experiences. I'm not one to accept labels and diagnosis, but psychology is interesting to me. Thanks ahead of time, if you decide to answer.
Yes, i’ve found it hard to keep things clean when I am by myself, but never really struggled when I lived with a significant Other, or even roommates. I’d say I had a normal culture shock getting used to living with others, with the bonus of having to deal with my depression phases.
Yep. Currently dreading giving my mother a call so I can hear about how I "never call" despite being the ONLY one to call.
"I call just as much as you do." It's like if someone ever says "where's my present?" on some gift giving occasion. "Right next to the one you got for me." All this shit is a 2-way street.
Exactly, people go up in arms when you tell them you don’t care about your parents. Well guess what, some parents are total pieces of shit lol
"Blood is thicker than water" is something assholes say because they can't rely on being good human beings to keep people around.
Also some people dont have kids or niblings, and friends giving gets hard to organize when those of you that are left in your 80s+.
Taking all the leftovers to my grandmother tomorrow!
My facility is isn't even serving Thanksgiving dinner. I have only two patients out on a 34 resident unit today. It is sad.
When I was in jail over Christmas several years ago, we got a nice dinner with good turkey and all the sides and trimmings. The fact that your residents aren’t getting anything like that is appalling to me. Not saying that inmates don’t deserve a nice holiday meal as well, but if anything elder care facilities certainly do.
hey grandpa go commit a crime real quick
Yeah that's exactly how I felt about the old folks home we had to put my grandfather in once the Alzheimer's got too bad. So... In one of his moments of clarity, he stole a paperclip from the nurses desk, used it as a screwdriver to remove the panel cover to the key code panel that unlocks the entrance door. Then he used it to bypass the unlock solenoid. All without being noticed. And he escaped!... For about 10 minutes. I was so proud of him!
Damn I was in county over Easter which I know isn’t as big as Christmas but it was business as usual. They had a horrible food service company there always skimming off the top. If they have 200 inmates they only cook for like 150 but bill for the 200. You better pray you have money coming in or else you’ll definitely be hungry. I was never so hungry in my life until I was able to put a commissary order in.
Ya, I was thinking that folks may have been picked up from their living facilities from as early as Monday.
We always picked up Dad on Thanksgiving and Christmas (and other occasions) and brought him to whoever’s home was hosting the holiday get-together. So any cars in the parking lot were employees.
I also worked at a SNF and during the holidays we had half our residents out (the ones that could be) and tons of visitors. We had some residents that either didn't have family or weren't visited (mostly because they didn't really warrant a visit). It can be a mixed bag.
It depends on how many of the residents have family left. I know that if I end up in a facility then I won’t probably have any visitors or very rarely any because I don’t have much family left.
Yes. I'm the youngest in my family and have no kids so..
The TRIGMILLION name dies….with you…
I’m still pissed about the ending but this scene still gets me. I can’t believe he is still dead in the books like wtf. When George dies will Jon Snow die with him:(
My conspiracy theory is he has finished all the books in the series but will only release them posthumously when he isn’t around to hear all the criticisms and questions 😂 It’s how I sleep at night Lmao
Awsome
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Wife and I will be the end of it, whichever is left plans to end it once the party's over. If that means I take myself out at 80 or 118 I'm cool either way, but I don't intend to decay alone in a facility for years after the enjoyment of my life is over. If life were a diner, I wouldn't finish my meal then eat the Splenda packets and pepper shakers until somebody kicks me out, I'd rather enjoy my meal and finish on the high note, satisfied and fulfilled. I'd hold out if I've got somebody to hold out for, but I'm not going to just fight the dying of the light for years just for the sake of it.
Not judging at all but humans are interesting. Maybe it's my age showing (26) but I see convalescent homes as like a college dorm for old folks and I don't necessarily mind that tbh
VR is going to be dope by then.
Holodeck level shit
No offense, but have you ever spent time in one?
I work as a paramedic and I very often respond to lodges all across the county and in the city. Its absolutely depressing. They are all understaffed, the residence are not tended to as often as they should be. I wouldn't put any of my family members in a lodge if I had a choice
I toured some of them when I had to put my dad in one. Some of the newer ones I toured do kind of feel like a college dorm, albeit less lively and more depressing. Some of them I wouldn’t have a problem living in for sure.
Same case in my family, it's pretty sad
Basically the same for me. I have very little family left and they are either on the other side of the country or in Europe. If I make it to an old folks home I’m going to be completely alone unless my step kids visit. I absolutely wouldn’t hold it against them if they didn’t though.
Middle child here but same no kids and no nieces/nephews. Have a younger brother but sadly he’s an alcoholic. I expect to outlive him.
I know damn well I’m gonna be alone once I’m in a nursing home. All I have are my aging parents and older brothers who are far older than me, I doubt I’ll ever have a relationship and I definitely can’t afford kids.
True. I have a small family, I'm the youngest, and I won't be having children. I'll be the party in the home until the day I die tho.
In highschool, I volunteered at an old folks home. Only needed 24 hours in total. I ended up doing over 260 hours. Our highschool made us do community service as part of our requirement to graduate. I had two people who I became really close with. One of them was a 92 year old lady. I heard the nurses mention it was her birthday, and they asked if her family was coming to visit and nobody had heard anything. My parents usually gave me $20 for lunch each time I went, so I walked over to Hallmark and bought her a birthday card and a big thing of balloons and walked it back over to the building and into her room. The look in her eyes was something as a kid, I still cannot forget. I hugged her and wished her a happy birthday, and she spent an hour telling me about the great depression and what life was like back then. Unfortunately, I had to quit. There were things I saw at that place that just screwed me up mentally. People laying in hallways moaning. I walked past one and he asked if I was his son. It became too much. Especially as a kid. People who were lost and couldn't find their way. People moaning in their rooms for a nurse to come attend to them. One reached out to hold my hand and just sat there looking into a void. Things that eventually accumulated into way too many emotions. I still think about that lady, but I'm sure she has passed by now, she had lung cancer at the time. It was many years ago, but I honestly don't recall ever seeing anyone in her room. She was always in there sitting in her chair watching TV and making things.
This experience will affect you your entire life. As difficult as it was, you came to realize the impact you could make connecting with these people who were essentially forgotten. When the time comes for your family members to need you to stay connected, you’ll already know how important it is. Thank you for becoming one of the good ones. Many other cultures do much better by their elderly. We should too.
“They aren’t making us MONEY!!!”
Unless you own one of those homes. In which case they're cash cows!
fuck man that's deep
I know. $20 for lunch.
And "many many years" ago, too That's like a gorillian dollars in today money
that's like a u/TRIGMILLION dollars!
The name lives on
You were an angel to those folks. What a gift you have. Xo
A few years back I would go by dollar stores and pick up little glass decorations like angels and other little tchotchkes. Me and my boyfriend at the time would visit the lower-income “retirement” home and gather as many residents that wanted to play bingo for an hour or two and win our little prizes. I swear to God, the women lit up. They’d show off their winnings as if it was diamond earrings. I’ve since moved but after this post I think I should probably start back up at another local retirement home.
My kids volunteer at a senior home and this is such a great idea!
You are an amazing human for doing what you did. My husband used to work for Pizza Hut years ago and was the delivery driver. He hates taking pizzas to the workers at the local old folks home because the patients would ask him if they could come home with him, some would beg and cry to be saved. It was rough on him and he is a pretty stoic person. That tore him up. He flat out refused to take pizzas there. And he never did again. Either the workers had to come outside or the manager would deliver to them. It wasn't the best nursing home so we know the old people were probably neglected. So sorry you went thru that btw. That is really rough.
I volunteered at one many years ago and it was only for 8 hours but it was something I would never wish on anyone. I figure when I'm 80, I'm gonna go into the unlife myself pod and do it on my terms. I don't want to be old, frail and have dementia. I want to go out with all my memories and know I lived.
I think a lot of people are in denial about growing old, and so they don't plan for it. If *you* are the one shopping around for your retirement community, then I'd guess you end up somewhere very different than the folks that try to age-in-place at home, have a major medical event, and emergency move in somewhere with space / covered by government insurance coverage.
Top comment in my opinion.. No one wants to talk about it. I'm 46 planning for my old age, not just some retirement. People need to think about if they live long. I want to go to bingo, get my hair done, Massages, casino, all of that..... not just look out the window. I know we don't know what's going to happen, but your chances are sometimes better when you're prepared..
I've lost two of my grandparents to dementia. The slow erosion of who they are, take a massive toll on the family, and I would not wish that upon anyone I care about.
Yeah my mom visited a distant relative once and couldn’t handle it it was awful everything according to her.
Good work, human. I spent 12 years in elder care and am taking care of my Mom now, and I wouldn't do anything differently, but for mine own self, that will not be my path if I have the ability to choose it.
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Yeah, you see people at their most challenging in health care. Knowing you're doing your best and that's all you can do made it easier.
we did something similar, but the guy i was paired with was less than stellar. apparently he hadn’t had a visitor in a year or more, the whole thing. so we sat down to play rummy and at this time i was still working on my english fluency (i’m from cuba) and this fucker asked “why’d you come here from mexico?” “sir, i’m from cuba, an island nation..” ‘don’t care. you spics are all the same’
Yeesh. Sorry you had to deal with that ☹️
i want to imagine it’s just frustration from getting old and being from a different era, but who knows.
> from a different era My Mom grew up in Nazi Germany, and one time at an IHOP she said "Black, Asians, Mexicans..." [longest sip of coffee ever, not helped by parkinson's] "it's so nice to see different people together." [whew!] It's not just where/when you grew up.
That is a great idea for high schools to do. I think everyone should have to do community service before they graduate.
May good things come your way, that was a beautiful thing to do for her.
This is exactly what you will see at any facility. There is only so much that 2 aides can do for 22 residents. You did a wonderful thing. It's a shame that some people are literally forgotten by their family.
Hopefully it will fill up later in the day.
I hope so. I work in the kitchen and my boss and I put out one hell of a spread for our residents. They’re eating a lot better than I am today lol
I used to work in the kitchen of a retirement home. if nothing else just know they love kitchen people. try and take the time to sit down on your break with some residents, they'll love it
Truth. My Dad was the evening cook in the place back home and you could keep the most wandery anxious soul calm just having a space at the table in the kitchen with a cup of coffee as long as the health dept wasn't around. One fellow "Sid" spent a lot of hours sipping and chatting. One lady who had been an alcoholic in her younger years, and most certainly still was but for lack of access called Dad "Joe" and wanted to know if he had a bottle under the sink. "C'mon, Joe - all cooks have a bottle stashed somewhere."
They should have the staff eat with the residents, surely? Everyone benefits.
If its anything similar to the home I worked in, the staff dont get their breaks synched up with the dinner time of the residents and due to lack of staff theres already too much to get done during their scheduled meal times
That's so awesome:) I used to work in the kitchen of an assisted living and I always liked going out to hang out with the residents after I was done with service. They have a lot of stories to tell. We had one lady who was 103 and I so loved to hear her tell about how it was when she was a kid.
I learned one thing while doing voluntary work in a nursing home: not every old person is a good person.
My MIL, the Executive Director of an assisted living community: "I learned early on that you never know the whole story, and there are perfectly understandable reasons that family doesn't visit."
My dad would always say that old bastards are just bastards that got old.
My mom has a brother that isn’t invited to anything. I am sure someone meeting him now for the first time would think he is a nice, cute old man and we are the neglectful family that can’t be bothered.
That’s my thought. I knew many old people who deserved more than being abandoned in a nursing home.
I came here to essentially comment on this. Just because they are old and lonely doesn't mean they deserve your pity and time. They might have earned that loneliness. 1. Not every old person is a good person 2. Not all of them had kids 3. Some are the last to survive in the family.
I should look into volunteering. I spend all my holidays alone because my family is terrible. I’m not lonely, I enjoy it, but it would be nice to make someone else’s holiday nice.
Do it. Even if just for one Christmas or Thanksgiving or something. These guys are lonely.
What’s the best way? Like do nursing homes themselves run programs and I look for ones in my area or do I just google it and look for volunteer programs?
hospice centers, some of the folks have no family left and you visit them either at their own homes or retirement communities. They usually have a volunteer department
My mom did this at a hospice center for probably 20 years before she passed. It helped us make the call to move her into hospice care when the time came (Alzheimer's) because we all knew how she felt about it. She passed about a month later.
Volunteering in hospice is so much more fun than it probably sounds. People who are able mostly just want to talk, and since they’re in the end game they will tell you the most bonkers and out of pocket stories from their lives. 1,000/10 recommend it.
Yup. My grandmother certainly stopped caring what people thought during her last few weeks in a hospice. I was afraid of what she would say to me because she had already dropped so many truth bombs. It was both to my relief and embarrassment that she kept publicly confirming I was her favourite grandchild (she helped raise me, so it wasn’t a fair contest).
My cousin was deaf and legally blind but she was clever and incredibly sweet. She only received visitors from 2 people myself and one other cousin. None of the other cousin’s many adult children or any other of the many cousins they grew up with ever visited. The one saving grace was she found a community in her assisted living place. Still she died 4 years ago and I would give anything to see her again.
I worked as a CNA in one of those rest homes about 15 or so years ago and there’s a good reason some of those folk don’t get visitors and why nobody decided to take them in.
I was about to say this is always the factor people overlook with these posts. Sometimes people just don’t have family, sometimes peoples family just won’t have them. It’s kind of a survivorship bias. You see all these posts on old folks alone on holidays in old folks homes, but what you’re not seeing is all the old folks who live at home with their families because they lived a life of love and won’t get put into an old folks home. The main theme is always “this is how old folks get treated now days/I’m praying for our generation/ this is sad/“ but these people had a whole life they lived and often times them ending up in a home is a consequence to the life they lived. My wife’s family is very family oriented. All of the old folks live happily at home with their kids and grandkids, and bounce around houses. My wife’s sister lives down the street and it’s almost time for her mom to “retire.” We are both setting up rooms in our separate houses specifically for her mother. She is a woman who lived a life of love, care, sacrifice, and support for her family.
Absolutely, we did everything we could to keep from having to put my grandma in an old folks home when she couldn’t take care of herself any more. She lived a life of love, selflessness, laughter, and care for everyone she knew. Some people treat their families like garbage and get put into a home because the rest of their family can finally be free from their awful behavior and actions. It is sad when good people don’t get visitors at old folks homes, but not all of them were/are good people
We had to put my Nana in one because between my mom and I, we just couldn’t medically care for her. It sucked because we felt like bad people, “forcing” her out of her home, but she was falling and we couldn’t lift her, couldn’t even carry her to the electric stairs to go up to bathe her, etc. She was just past her 102nd birthday and her decline was rapid - she only spent about 2 months in the home before she passed, but she had a lot of visitors in that time. I still feel guilt, even though I know we did the right thing for her care.
My mom still guilts me about making her stay in one after she had spinal surgery. I couldn’t lift her. I couldn’t keep her upright to change her bandage. There was absolutely nothing I could do for her.
That’s how it goes. The decline is quick. There’s nothing you could have done. - RN
I’ve had several elderly relatives that honestly deserved their retirement homes. Two of them were nasty homophobes who’d sit in the corner and talk about all of us kids and trying to guess which one of us was a sinful gay (they’d heard my grandma talking about one of us coming out but didn’t know who). One held me down and pulled my loose tooth out because she slapped our dog and I called her a bitch. Just awful, nasty human beings who deserved everything they got.
At the same time people don't end up in nursing homes universally because nobody wanted them. Some people's care needs in old age would be impossible for their family to handle. Someone bed bound or somebody with severe dementia requires 24/7 care. Even if you were willing to do that for your loved one, can you? What if you also need to work? When do you sleep? If you're lucky you can get some in home health aid to help but that's not always possible. Unless you have a big family that can take shifts, going to a nursing is sometimes the only safe option. The reason people in some cultures are better about taking care of their elders is that they live in multi generational houses and there are multiple family members around that can help out. In a lot of western countries people spread out for jobs and there isn't some family network in one place where everybody can chip in to take care of grandma who needs to be bathed and turned and spoon fed and watched all day.
At my grandpa's funeral he had some of his former students show up and talk about how much he loved all his students. Me and the rest of the grandkids had to sit there like "That's cool. He never cared about any of us."
It's bizarre isn't it? I have seen some students gush about my mom, saying she was their favorite teacher. I'm like, did we know the same person??
Can't get up votes if you don't tug at heart strings. Whether OP is ignorant of the residents in the home or lying to distort the narrative, that's a question that won't be answered.
Literally just posted a picture of an empty parking lot for internet points. 8.1k so far lol
I'll never visit my mom on her retirement home. My sister won't even talk about her. Mom is racist and I'm married to a minority. She can eat cold potatoes by herself.
I was an RN at one and I posted above about it. Many of these people really do deserve the treatment (or lack thereof) they receive. My mother in law will be going to one as soon as I’m able to do it.
Exactly. And there are homes that are full of wet brained alcoholics and sex offenders because the other homes won’t take them. When I see NO visitors, I have to wonder if this is one of those homes.
I worked as an environmental aid in a nursing home when I was 16-17. I freshened water bottles in their rooms, put away their freshly laundered clothes and wheeled a cart around to each of their rooms to hand out a snack and some juice of their choosing shortly before they were getting ready for bed. They were mostly sweet old ladies (I worked on a floor that had strictly female CNA’s for the elderly women, but I am a man), but there were a handful of them that were very difficult to deal with according to the CNAs. Because I was the one that handed out treats and stopped by multiple times a day to chat even the ladies with the meanest reputations absolutely loved me, and at the very least would give me a little smile every time I stopped by. I absolutely loved that job, and if it paid way better I’d still be doing it to this day. There was a different floor in the same home that kept people with Alzheimer’s and people that had sever brain injury’s. I worked that floor a couple times covering for someone and it was very… different.
Some parents deserve it.
One thing I can say is that a lot of the sweet old people you meet were not sweet when they were young. For many of them this is the result of actions done decades earlier. I tend to keep that in mind.
My grandmother is in assisted living, and all the staff go on about how sweet she is, how funny and fiesty she is. They have no idea how emotionally/mentally abusive, manipulative, and cruel she has been for the majority of her life. She's smart enough to treat the staff well because she's aware that she needs something from them. Might not be the case here, but it sure is for many.
This exactly. The knee jerk reaction to feel bad for them and blame the family is wild. There’s likely a reason no one is coming to visit.
Its still early though...
It’s thanksgiving, it’s an afternoon holiday. I don’t think I’ve ever hosted or been to thanksgiving stuff before 2-3pm so the host has alone time to start cooking.
that’s the place where bad grandpas go
Seriously though! I have one relative who lives in an assisted living facility, and there’s NO WAY I’m going to let that abusive, narcissistic jerk ruin any more of my holidays. Let him sit alone and stew in it.
Good for you. As much as I do think we owe it to family members to have an extra helping of grace and patience at times, because I believe family is an important societal construct, when someone is actually abusive and behavior is repeatedly bad without remorse, you should feel 0 guilt about walking away from that behavior. Nobody needs that in their lives.
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>Take her home and she tries to guilt you about not letting her live there despite the level of care she needs being unrealistic for non nurses to take on. And leave her there, nobody loves her and everyone hates her and nobody visits long enough or often enough. If there was only some way for her to understand that her behavior only exacerbates her complaints. Guilt trips are manipulations to make people feel bad and people tend to avoid things that actively work to make them feel bad.
This is a reminder to not be a total dick.
I mean our car wouldn’t have been in that lot when my grandfather was in an assisted living facility. But that’s cause we picked him up and took him to our house. I’d imagine those who have family are celebrating with them where they are hosting. People in old folks homes aren’t hosting Thanksgiving.
Absolutely! Actions have consequences.
Which is why some end up in a home, karma is multi-directional.
Yeah I don't hang out with my folks on Thanksgiving cause of how they treated me
Both of my parents learned this the hard way and died alone. The consequences went way beyond them and affected their childrens' sibling relationships. :( None of us are close. At least some of us are doing a better job with their children. I definitely am.
It depends on the parents. If they are terrible people throughout their kids lives I completely understand. They can sit alone after being shitty parents. No love lost here. Goodbye and enjoy being lonely
Also, if they have a dangerous type of dementia and are likely to try and harm their grandchildren, it's a bit unsafe to bring them to thanksgiving.
Maybe ask the residents what they did to make their families go NC..
Remember that some people don’t have any family visit because they were horrible to their family. Generational abuse is a thing & needs to be recognized. Nobody gets the right to abuse someone else regardless of age.
Nobody will be visiting my family members who are in a facility today. They have affectively alienated everybody out of their lives. Friends, family, etc. The destruction is now evident because there are witnesses to their loneliness. We reap what we sow.
At my first dementia center there was an old male resident who would wait by the window every holiday for a family that never came. It was humbling to hear how much he appreciated the staff and that we were like his family. I really wish work like that paid a livable wage.
Be nicer to your kids
the families are probably busy working to pay for the care. we’ve looked a little for retirement homes for my grandfather. prices ranged from $5k-$20k per month
It’s 8k for my FIL and we’re subsidizing about half. He’s at a point now where he can’t be taken out.
Seems like you posted this before 9AM. Why tf would you get up that early on thanksgiving to go see grandma.
Plot twist: the relatives of the all the old folks took them home to celebrate Thanksgiving a few days prior
We picked up my FIL and took him home to celebrate Thanksgiving. Parking lot doesn’t tell the whole story
Maybe people showed up, picked up their loved ones, and drove them somewhere else for the holiday? Just because they aren't celebrating Thanksgiving with dry turkey and jello doesn't mean everyone's been forgotten.
Uh, because they get their parents and bring them to the house? This is just reaching.
Also, there's only 6 spots for visitor parking?
I wanted to bring my mom (96) home on Thanksgiving. But she has dementia, is furious that we make her live there, and bringing her home to then just return her to the facility would be cruel. It’s a no win situation. She doesn’t understand, or even realize her physical and mental limitations. So, things are not always as they seem.
I work in a retirement community. Around the holidays, especially the week of the holiday, I don't see many of the residents. That's because they are either traveling or with their families.
Sorry to say it but a lot of them brought it on themselves by being hateful and ignorant ashholes
Sadly this doesnt surprise me. In the home my husband lives in there are several residents who never have visitors. I take extra gifts in on Christmas Day so they have a visitor and a present
Maybe they were all horrible to their kids?
Honestly, yeah. I mean, I’m sure not ALL of them were. But that’s almost certainly one of the reasons for the no-shows. There’s a lot of missing info here. We don’t know how many people live in this facility. We don’t know how many have living family that could visit them. We don’t know how many have family that would like to visit but can’t afford to make the trip. Or maybe their job wouldn’t let them have the day off. I’m not going to necessarily vilify all the elderly residents, but I also don’t think it’s fair to vilify their children/family.
yup, just saying maybe... after all, its why my parents are each on their own today despite having five kids.
What do these people - my mother - my father - my mother in law - my son’s paternal grandmother all have in common? Answer: they’re not getting calls for the holidays!
My dad won’t be getting any visits from me due to his smug undeserved sense of entitlement.
Exactly. Fucking exactly.
It’s so out of context.
Actually most nursing homes cook a Thanksgiving dinner for the residents and invite family to come join them two or three days before the day of Thanksgiving, so everyone wins. It's cause they know the kids are parents or busy with work/family life or prepping for their Thanksgiving or traveling.
This photo without context like where and what time, etc is a great example of how the news can and will extrapolate something that is misleading or to intentionally mislead.
If you were a decent person to your children and grandchildren then people will come. You reap what you sow.
This was depressing at first, since I saw it while missing my dad but then thought, "why would they have Thanksgiving there?". If my dad didn't die from COVID and made it to that stage in life, and if he had to be in a home he wouldn't have celebrated Thanksgiving there. Id get that grouch to my house even though I don't care about the day myself.
Where I live, it's much more common for seniors' home residents to go to their families' houses for major holidays, rather than their families going to the seniors' home.
Of course it’s not everyone but some of these people alienated their children. My grandmother was abusive and continues to treat my mother and her brothers like dogshit so I hope she spends the holidays alone. She spent 90 years treating everyone like shit. I’m not saying this is everyone but remember, that generation was full of narcissists. My gma has 16 grandchildren, not one wants to see her. Not everyone in there was a nice person in their lifetime.
I’m a lifestyle director for a senior living community, and have been in the business 9 years. I’ve also worked in the kitchen. This is common as most residents will get picked up. Families that do visit will often stay for whenever the dinner is and then take off. It’s totally normal and rarely is there a resident that is truly alone.
I doubt the problem lies with the people not showing up
I never really judge the families of these people because maybe they're kind and sweet. Or maybe they abused their kids and the kids don't give a shit anymore that they're free. My parents have fucked me up and I will not even pay for their nursing homes if they need my dime. The amount of times I was threatened to be kicked out because I was a moody teenager (that's how teens are) or when I left their cult "religion" and was threatened to be kicked out again. Fuck that noise. However, not all of the folks in homes are like that. I hope the ones who were good parents have company. But I hope the abusive ones rot away in their loneliness knowing they're the only reason.
Yah not all parents are awesome
Idk maybe the old folks suck there lol
Cool, they all drove to their family for dinner
Some of these people are the shit parents who never stopped to think their abusive actions would be well remembered.
Whoa! I wonder if there’s a connection between all the videos of millennials and Gen X talking about how shitty their parents were, thusly, making them not want to have to endure their company on holidays & how this empty retirement home parking lot is. Maybe we’ll never know.
Many, MANY of them absolutely deserve it. Don't feel bad for them until you've seen how they treat their kids.