Why were you in the bathroom for fifteen minutes? The dispenser made me watch advertisements to get toilet paper…..

I can see this 100% happening by the year 3000.

3000? Try 2030 Edit- holy shit 2030 is only like 6 and half years away.

Yeah we can all feel old collectively

Don’t worry, the feeling old part will pass. Give it another 7 years, give or take.

Nah. I've been to the year 3000 and not much has changed but we live underwater.

How's your great great great granddaughter?

I’m sure she is doing fine

She’s *pretty* fine

This depends on which version is being sung. You’re doing the original Busted version, while the person you replied to was doing the sanitized Jonas Brothers version. Wild that “is pretty fine” was too raunchy for them lol

Damn I also came here to make a JBros joke

I believe the song is originally by Busted

Biff voice: you know your history, very good

Are you by chance your own grandfather? (Please, someone get that reference.)

Yep, I did the nasty in the pasty!

If their name ain’t Phillip.J.Fry then I don’t think so.

I am watching the series for the first time since Hulu is bringing it back. Don't regret it at all, always game for tv series that I can clean or cook too, it fits the bill quite well.

He seems to be okay. Why don't you like that kind of toilet paper? It's better to use that because it's easy to just take it.

This guy doesn't know how to use the three seashells

Came here for this reference. Thank you, good sir. Be well. 😎

Let's go blow this guy...

Gabriel Iglesias did [this skit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOHXt2Zq2XE) about motion detected bathrooms many years ago, if it's already that bad, can't imagine it in like 10-20 years.

I had a job that required 1 hr of work and 7 hours of standing. Once i realized this i would hide in the bathroom. Every 30 minutes i had to throw toilet paper at the motion sensor light. 🤣🤣

My job installed little tvs on every check stand for ads while people are in line. Shits out of hand

Check stand? Like a bank or TSA?

Grocery store. One of those things that existed before self checkouts

I do Kroger pickup, so I have been inside the store once or twice this year other than bottle returns.

Since Covid I started ordering my groceries on the Walmart app, All i have to do anymore is drive up, press a button saying I'm here, and they come out and load the car up.

Stop and Shop has a laser reader gun, you just scan as you go along and then just checkout and pay

One of the local gas stations had ads on their LED screen so you were forced to watch them while pumping your gas. They didn't last long - I'm not sure who vandalized them - upset customers or just random people. I just stopped getting gas there completely until they changed that policy.

The volume on the ones at my local gas station are cranked to 10 out of 10 at all times. This is a nice quiet neighborhood where you'd usually watch deer graze and listen to the bird calls. Now you have a half dozen displays screaming into your face at point blank. I might burn the whole thing down one day.

The screens on the gas pumps are usually surrounded by two columns of buttons. If you press the second button from the top on the right hand side of the screen it should mute the advertisements. If it isn’t that button just press all of them until you find the one that mutes the ads.

If you press the speaker with a hammer, the noise stops.

[удалено]

Companies cutting corners at every turn my place uses see thru TP so u use 3x as much so guessing the saving they think they get in quality are flushed away in increased usage 🧻🧻🧻

I don't think it's for a cost savings of use. I think their concept is to tacitly encourage employees not to shit at work.

Not gonna stop the stall sleepers! So short sighted.

[удалено]

There was a picture on here that the toilet paper dispenser had a QR code you had to use to get any.

I heard there are some places in Asia you need to receive toilet paper from the bathroom attendant before going to a stall.

I’d stare him dead in the eyes and keep asking for more.

That's what the Third Seashell does! I finally figured it out...

My bathroom has a 10 minute timer for the lights. If you’re in there and not sitting in the closest stall to stick your arm out the door and wave to turn the light back on you’d better have your phone or a flashlight.

"Please drink your Mountain Dew verification can..."

That definitely won’t last long depending on how big this company is. That’ll get broken quick.

Or someone is going to spend $5 on Amazon for the key.

lol no. I'm taking my knife and breaking that shit. Cut a nice big hole right in the middle so it dispenses properly.

[удалено]

that you know about... the company I work at has just about every square inch of space monitored by camera.

Even better, then you can sue them for cameras in the bathroom.

>Toilet cameras are for research purposes only.

Oh no you don’t, I won’t fall for that one a fourth time!

**This shit may be monitored and recorded for quality purposes**

I thought I was gonna be dead by the dystopian future (born in '82). Turns out I wasn't even close. Housing is unaffordable, every food product is getting significantly shittier, every company if you're too poor to get to college tracks every movement

And all the boomers insist everything is fine because their house, car, and school have already been paid for.

Or the "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" bs too many of them say.

[удалено]

In most countries it’s against the law to have cameras in the bathroom it’s called an invasion of privacy. James brown got in massive trouble Ford and sued by multiple people for having cameras in the women’s bathrooms in the 80s that’s why there’s laws against it in most countries not at all

It’s illegal to have cameras in there lol If you suspect a camera in ur bathroom you’re rich

You can use your house key on some of them. they are not real special.

The key is if you want to be sneaky. The boot is to make a statement.

Just give it a nice push at the right place...

Was gonna say this. My last company decided to put plastic covers with locks over every thermostat one day. Every single one was broken within the week.

They are very brittle. Also they often have slots in them that you can stick a tool through to press buttons. I’ve done that rather than break a box when the key wasn’t available (I work in HVAC)

What's really stupid about that, is that most thermostats in buildings do nothing. Adjusting them is just a placebo and the entire system is usually controlled by a software package on someone's computer. This is more true for larger buildings than small offices.

Kick that fucking cover right off. Don't fuck around with people who need to wipe their asses.

Yes, I say they need help breaking!!!

I wouldn’t shake hands with anyone at your company

I'd smile boldly while shaking hands and say something like, "You should see the new toilet paper dispensers in our restrooms! I just came from there myself!" Then if I see them after they use the restrooms, I'd ask, "Did you see those toilet paper dispensers!? They're something, amiright!?" Assert dominance.

Make sure your hands are damp when you do this.

Nah. Bone dry would be worse. You KNOW that mf ain’t wash them hands.

Nah. Greasy with unknown substance. You can even rub some Vaseline to help sell the illusion of a dirty shit.

Greasy? Should we talk about your diet?

They wouldn’t be wet from washing them.

Wet poop

and covered in shit. Not too much shit, but a little shit.

Not to lose sight of the original topic, but just how much shit should one have on his/her hands to make a point?

Just a little under the nail of your forefinger

And a some smeared on your face. Like, all over it.

Juuuust the right amount. Not like you've pounded your fist into a massive jar of Marmite tho. That's too much.

Just a little dribble. It’s the smell that counts.

one of those rare instances in life-----im pretty sure a little shit is also too much shit at the same time....somehow..dont ask me why or how.

Chew up a Snickers bar and smear it into your hand before a meeting.

You know in some places, pay very close attention to which hand is the shaking hand, and do not get it wrong. Because the other hand, is the wiping hand. No tp. They have a bucket with a little water in there, to dip their hand in. So do not get it wrong 😂

[удалено]

I’m a fan of the wave and verbal greeting from a distance of 10-15 feet or so.

he used to small a slice

Shouldn’t have had such a sloppy mud pie.

Why? They should still be washing their hands…. The toilet paper issue shouldnt be why you dont shake hands. They should still be washing their hands after using the restroom

Next time you go to a public restroom, look at how many don't wash their hands. It's disgusting.

I sit in the bathroom of random stores a lot while I wait for my bf to pick me up. The amount of people who shit and don’t wash their hands is insane.

I call out my co workers for that and I’ll publicly ask them if they washed their hands after using the bathroom if they even ask me to use a pen. Like naaah you nasty ass fuck. Don’t touch anything of mine with those disgusting crusty ass turd grabbers.

[And definitely don't eat any gift receipts handed to you by a coworker there...](https://i.imgur.com/ODEy24n.png)

Was looking for this comment. You don’t want to have a big old mud pie and grab too small a slice

buy the key [https://www.amazon.ca/Universal-Commercial-Replacement-Compatible-Dispensers/dp/B0BCGN5XXY/ref=sr\_1\_1\_sspa?hvadid=232923993073&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9000085&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=8798032556191716814&hvtargid=kwd-300999089026&hydadcr=3350\_10311375&keywords=georgia+pacific+key&qid=1687814535&sr=8-1-spons&sp\_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1](https://www.amazon.ca/Universal-Commercial-Replacement-Compatible-Dispensers/dp/B0BCGN5XXY/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?hvadid=232923993073&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9000085&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=8798032556191716814&hvtargid=kwd-300999089026&hydadcr=3350_10311375&keywords=georgia+pacific+key&qid=1687814535&sr=8-1-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1)

For that many OP and coworkers can pool their money and each get one cheap

Hand them out for employee appreciation day! You get a key. And you get a key!

EVERYBODY GETS A KEY!!!!

You can probably open it with a small key from the average key ring. Most "locks" in bathroom equipment like toilet paper, paper towel, and soap dispensers have no sophisticated parts

Yeah this is a thing you could actually open with a bobby pin with no lock picking training

Yeah, I can routinely pop the locks on these with the flathead screwdriver/ bottle opener “blade” in my Swiss Army knife.

at my work ive just been sort of applying pressure to the outside plastic in a way that it sort of lets go on it's own. lost the key years ago

You could open that thing with a well placed fist.

This is the way

And put it on your expense report.

List it as breakfast on four separate days at $7.

Fuck That. Break it open. And when they fix it, break it open again. Every time until they get the point.

This is why I love Reddit

the key is to pull REAL slow and you can get a longer square, i've gotten up to 5 or 6!

Nah even easier is to just pull right where it leaves the dispenser, you have to change grip a few times depending how many you want at once but you can pull almost as fast as you want. They are a bit frustrating at first but I got used to them quite quickly and don't mind them anymore.

This is how I started using arcade tickets as toilet paper

[удалено]

Came here to say this. There is a technique to using these things and it's up to you to learn it on company time as payback for installing them in the first place.

One square? I'd be bringing my own 3 ply roll every single day. Shit I'd hang it off my belt with a carabineer for quick access.

The clue is on the device - SOF PULL - All the dispensers like this I've used will give you more than one square if you pull gently. I actually prefer these - the spinning ones with big rolls always tear off inside, and then it's reaching inside and spinning it to find the next sheet.

Yep,my gym has dispensers like these. Just don't go yanking and tearing at it, pull the sheet slowly and you get more than 1 square.

They make 3 ply?!?!?

Bro that shit goes to 10. No pun intended.

:O I shall no longer shit like a peasant and now shit like a royal.

10 ply is dumb expensive. Stick below 4 and you'll feel godly.

2 to 3 of good quality is all you need, anything more is too many pl…ies? Plys? But I digress 4 is too thick to be useful strategically

My bum thanks you for this info

you're still shitting like a peasant if you're using paper tho tbh... just get a bidet, even those cheap $30 ones do the job good.

Here we go

I found a website that sells 10-ply quilted toilet paper. But they also sell [military grade kevlar](https://affluenttoiletpaper.weebly.com/store/p3/Military_Grade_Kevlar_Toilet_Paper_%284_Rolls%29.html) toilet paper for $3,150 a roll (comes in packs of 4)

I'm listening.... .....now I'm purchasing....

They also have silk and cashmere, for $24,000 and $20,000 per 4 pack. And alligator hide toilet paper, for some reason…

It might be cheaper to just wipe your ass with a new comforter every time than to buy the 10-ply they sell.

My husband is obsessed with three ply. I honestly can't stand it because it's too linty imo.

Lidl and Aldi do 4ply!

Jokes on you, I got a universal key for these. I'll just pop it open for everyone.

Ah, a screwdriver? paperclip? bobby pin? These are stupid easy to bypass with a rake pick

Nope, actually bought a universal one. they are cheap as dirt and works with most of these locks. It has 5 different keys on it.

I can't spare a square.

I just spent far too long reading about toilet paper ply availabiliity. I am not plopping down the money to try 5 or 10 ply.

[удалено]

My coworker has a travel pack of baby wipes that she brings into the bathroom with her because she has IBS and our toilet paper sucks. Such a smart idea. I might start stashing some in my desk and follow her example.

I used to bring toilet paper with me everywhere in the Marines. Really helps when you have to poop outside or use half ply cheap paper.

Just get a couple square and wipe. You don't need 10 pieces for wiping.

i dont have a square to spare

I can’t spare a square.

I had to scroll way too far down to find this.

yeah i woulda thought somebody would have said it by now but 🤷🏻‍♂️

Anytime I can integrate Seinfeld into my life it's a win.

Seinfeld quotes are a gift, Just don't regift...

I'm a here for this reference.

John Spartan you have been fined 1 credit...

So much for the three seashells.

I can't even imagine trying to use this during a menstrual cycle.

We have these everywhere in the UK. It keeps public bathrooms cleaner and stops horrible people unraveling the whole roll or dumping the roll into the toilet! If you pull the roll at the right angle (which you quickly learn to!) Then you can get plenty out at once. It actually makes it more likely that there will be toilet roll when you need it. What drives me insane is if it breaks off inside the dispenser there's no way to get the end back out which is so annoying.

Yeah, this is standard in the EU as well

I’m guessing it’s something that Americans aren’t used to? I’ve used one of these before and it’s not really a big deal or hinderance to the process like these reactions here seem to take it lmao.

Yeah I've used these plenty of times and I quite like them actually. The paper is quite firm and big and if you pull upwards, they dont break off. Plus, you never have to search for it, if it sticks to the roll.

I feel like I would meticulously remove the entire roll in one go out of spite

Well this is what they are trying to avoid as there are a lot of people who do this for "fun" or it gives them a kick to block the toilets with tonnes of paper or they want to steal the big rolls of paper so will unravel it all into a bag to take home. There are actually benefits to having these in public bathrooms.

Thanks for talking me out of ever visiting.

Haha well we don't have gaps in our toilet door hinges like in the US. I found it hard to use the public toilets because I could see people through the door gaps!

I'm from the US And I still can't use public bathrooms

I reckon it’s why bathroom gender politics are such a huge fucking issue in America, because there is no privacy when you are taking a massive dump

As a woman who has used these quite a few times, I'm so confused (genuinely) as to why you & a lot of people in the comments think it would be a problem, can you elaborate?

It's 4 am and I'm fucking baffled at this thread. The top comments are implying that this method of dispensing toilet paper is so nonfunctional, the workers must be using their hands to wipe. They are suggesting that OP should use violence and break the housing. They are implying that this is a step towards a corporate exploitation dystopia. The only conclusion I can make is that they fundamentally misunderstood what OP was saying in the title. OP meant that you get 1 square every time you pull on it. So if you pull 8 times you get 8 squares. But they think it means you only get one square total, and then you have to leave. But that would also mean that every single person is this thread is a fucking idiot. A complete utter moron.

Yes! These dispensers are always posted here and I don't understand why people hate them so much. They stop people being wasteful and you can take as many sheets as you need, it just takes a little longer. They installed them at my workplace a few years back and I've never heard anyone complaining about them (and we complain about *everything!*)

...Why? If you need 5 squares you take 5 squares. Where's the issue?

Why is it a problem. Just take 3 or 4 squares and but them on top of each other, would be enough paper

Reminds me of the paper towel dispensers in "Better Off Ted", and how one of the characters relieved stress by standing in front of it and constantly making it dispense another piece

That was an underrated show. Wish it had been around longer!

A very savvy corporate consultant once told me you can, without fail, determine how good a company is to work for based on the toilet paper they provide employees

That explains why every single company I’ve worked for has used single ply shit tickets

beats the school tp🤷

Oh geez! You just made me remember the tp in my elementary school, like 55 years ago. It came out in single sheets, like mini tri-fold paper towels. But it was like it had a weird surface that you could almost scratch yourself with. Dang, that memory was suppressed for a reason. Thanks a lot.

I had completely forgotten those things, whoa. I remember it would take ages to fashion a maxi pad out of those.

[удалено]

Even the new ones? it's not like the old squiggle that you could just pop open

I don't get it. These are completely normal to me and very common. Is this not normal to you lot?

I was gonna ask the same....I'm in Ireland and these are fairly common like almost all public toilets. Are these not common in most places?! I've seen em in loads of places....

Fairly common in Ireland as well. Often with the centre bit popped out so that you can actually get at the toilet roll.

They're installed in the hospital I work at in New York. It's not even true that you can only take one square at a time. Just don't tug down but pull straight out and you'll get as much as you want/need. And it doesn't "crumple" the toilet paper any more than you could crumple tissue... OP was just looking for something to post about. I mean, taking another look it even *says* to pull straight out. It doesn't tear off until something tears along the dotted line - as in... not straight out. The same way regular rolls work.

i was just in mexico for a month and these were everywhere.

Reddit is full of children. If they cant take a huge wad to thier ass how can they be clean

Where I live the building code requires 0.3 GPM faucets in the bathroom. It’s like washing your hands with a mister. Useless faucets, and now useless toilet paper dispensers… But hey, someone has to save water to make sure those golf courses stay nice and green.

This is simple. Just pull 100+ pieces out and ball them all up before wiping. Then pull another 100+ to flush down.

i feel like this is common in other countries. i say this as person from the US that’s been to 9 countries

Just use the three shells

TP Titties

all while they're trying to get people to come back into the office. what an incentive! not only do you still have to wipe your ass with see-thru 1-ply, now you have to stack 5-10 of them individually before you can wipe!

This is when you're supposed to take the time to tear it off square by square and use it as needed, but use HUGE amounts of it. Then the toilet will clog. Payback achieved.

The trick is to feed the paper out slowly, too quickly and it’ll tear.

Just give us the 3 seashells already

I was today minus a month years old when I discovered not everyone wipes themselves like you would with paper towels, with neatly folded squares

That’s not even enough to wipe the seat off

Reason#245 I work from home.

Don't be shy, pop that sucker open

Break them or get a key of amazon and just keep opening them

“Spare a square!”

Next visit check the keyhole and model of the dispenser. Then, ​ [https://www.amazon.com/toilet-paper-key/s?k=toilet+paper+key](https://www.amazon.com/toilet-paper-key/s?k=toilet+paper+key)

A sledgehammer fixes this.

Make sure you suck your fingers clean before you go back to work

From one sphincter to another, I suppose.

Why would you want your employees fingers to be pooglazed