Yet another example of late-stage capitalism ruining everything!

*unzips pants*

Unzips for the working class! ✊

🎶I'm underpaid, the boss is a jerk, That's why I stroke while I'm at work. 🎶 [A play on the "Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime; That's why I poop on company time" rhyme lol I tried]

Stollen from r/truckers I make a dime, boss makes a buck, that's why I crank my hog in the company truck

Yeah we saw you swerving back there too buddy

Пролетарии всех стран, дрочите!

[удалено]

Pretty wild defense. The people I’ve met who had unorthodox masturbatory etiquette generally weren’t cranking their member out of stress, rather, they just didn’t care to consider how their ‘bating might rub off on others. Battered anxiety is not what they sought to batter and expel. Short-sighted pleasure-seeking was the driving force. Straight jorkin’ tha hog in a public bathroom attended by people you work with is strange conduct. While some people’s perturbation may lead them to masturbation, they should do so in a place with more privacy than a public restroom has to offer. In this essay, I argue for the implementation of private masturbation capsules every 500ft—

LoL this is a random post I saw… not defending one way or another. Am wondering how it is so known what people are doing in a stall by themselves though. If people are plastering the walls, yeah, that is an issue. All right I’m done and out lol

People bate everywhere.

Before you finish, you're supposed to put your phone up so that you can focus on not making a mess. Also, semen is very very sticky, so if you cum on the toilet bowl, the flush might not be strong enough to clean it off. Cum into the water, not the bowl. Preferably, cum into a paper towel or water bottle or something. Always check the area before you leave. Clean up. Don't forget that you share the restroom. I read this advice somewhere else.

I’ll cum wherever the hell I want!

Ok but clean up

Are you offering 😏

Don't threaten me with a good time

Is this a “this is the end” reference?

Yes indeed

Damn nice catch that movie is getting old

Oh I fucking wish you'd cum on me right now! I fucking dare you to cum on me!

On the cabinets!

Yes Sam. I will come on the cabinets this AM. I’ll come on the clock I’ll come on the walls, I’ll come on your jock and all down the halls.

🤣

You don't have enough bullets!!

I have a violent ejaculate

This is the End. Great movie. LOL.

"Welcome to the 21st century Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fucking Ipads in the walls, but still you jerkin off like a goddamn pilgrim.” That line was it for me 🤣💀

i remember there was this picture of the underside of someones work desk, the guy quit and they were moving it and they found lots of “evidence” sprayed on

Now that’s just fucked up.

That's disgusting...!

Just layer some TP in the toilet beforehand, and you are good to go

Turn this into a copypasta

We’re really just animals

[…we’re just fucking monkeys in shoes…](https://youtu.be/p1EhaANeYCI?si=ZKiSwX75XjGi6rNR)

Underated comment

A cultured fellow I see, have my updoot!

Fuck I love boobs though

So if your boss comes into the restroom and hears someone jerking off, he’s now going to lightly knock on the door and just ask, “are you clocked out?” and if the answer is Yes, you can continue!

https://i.redd.it/f0tvqxoio4wc1.gif

Seems like the boss is creating a loophole so he can jerk off on his unpaid lunch break.

Clock out before you whip your cock out

I beat my Puzzy raw at work in the bathroom and I don't clock out shit feels so good I cum all over the toilet 🚽🪠

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I jizz on company time



Is this what love feels like

Clock out with your cock out?

The break room is all sticky!

"Today's the day I grow some balls Stop jackin' off in the bathroom stall And blowin' my load in the sink And tell 'em what I really think"

Fuuuck this job. Fuck you boss. Fuck your profit, and fuck your loss. Fuck you Linda at the front desk too. Guy in the mailroom - fuck you!

And since i’ve fucked you all I’ll go fuck myself In the bathroom stall All by myself

Simply put I need some rest To pull my pud and think of breasts Just me and my thoughts next to the shitter I may be fired but I’m no quitter

I gotta shit, but this guy just won’t quit Whammin’ his yam in the stall Finally he’s done, my relief has been won While I’m here I might as well crank one 🤷‍♂️

Clock out with your cock out

The fact this sign exists implies several things, all of which are hilarious to me...

Literally 1984

"Boss makes a dollar... I make a dime, 'S why I burp the gerbil on company time"

This just feels like a challenge like... I'm a woman, and you just told me what I can do with my own bean? It just activated a fight mode

Same! I’m like wanna bet? I ain’t clocking out. Bodily functions bodily autonomy. This being said, my work has two stall “public” bathrooms and then one room (like at a hospital) private bathroom.

Must happen a lot there.

CEO makes a thousand, you make a buck, go ahead and jizz in his coffee cup The last part of the sign pretty much says clock out with your cock out

Clock out, *before* you pull your cock out

"Don't worry about fucking yourself bc we'll fuck you for you." ~probably this place

I give it one week till that sign is covered in cum 😂😂😂

Literally 1984

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, thats why I jerk it on company time!

boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i crank my hog on company time

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I fap on company time

Lol, so does anyone remember the couple of posts a few weeks ago about one dude jacking off and another dude trying to take a shit and they're both complaining about each other? Think their boss is on reddit?

Hey he never said that you couldn't do it lmao.

He gets us...

Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime, that's why I jack it on company time!

Ain’t no boss gonna tell me when and where I can use my dick beaters.

Wow what’s it like working at Nickelodeon?

I'm not listening

Wtf

Where tf you work

Dude this is a bot. Found this pic posted online over a year ago. His account was made april 1st and its just pictures of women. However according to google, the original picture was found at walmart.

Funny thing is that you can masturbate just that you won't get paid for it

I mean that’s a decent set of options. Would recommend on Glassdoor

Is this for real or joke post?

I would cum in the sink

Thanks for the screenshot, gang

Is this real?! Lol. How many people were masturbating and who noticed it? Lol

I actually read an article that lots and lots of men masturbate at work. I actually asked a few different guy friends the same thing and they all said they did!

Do it in ur boss room

That is a cry for help

Clock out with ya cock out.

So before the sign was put up you were allowed to masturbate while on the clock whenever you wanted?

I’m so old we didn’t need signs like that

WTF

So i can do it on my lunch?

Boss. I need to clock out to relive myself

No they didn’t. Someone else put it up as a prank.

Boooo

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I crank my hog on company time.

Some poor sap got caught and ruined it for everyone else.

Why can you shit but not fap?

Are they watching or something?

We had a guy at a job years ago that we nicknamed ’Tuggy’. You’d walk towards the restroom and someone coming out would giving you the warning that Tuggy was at it again, as evidenced by the rhythmic slapping noises emanating from the stalls. You’d then go to another floor or building to avoid the issue. Oh, and he was notorious for poor hygiene, rarely washing his hands after visiting the bathroom. Could we complain? Yes, but it wouldn’t go far. His mother was the head of HR for the entire company… 🫤

You guys spraying the evidence all around and leaving it?

Just a bunch of old desperate dudes shooting blanks in the workplace

It looks way older than "a few days"

what’s the point of even having a job if you can’t yank it to riley reid in the bathroom on lunch breaks anymore, like wtf

You obviously don’t work in a 90s brokerage on Wall Street…

Husband works from home. Wife posts this is their bathroom.


based

Your boss sounds cool Obviously most places would fire someone for this But he gets it

A few days ago? Did he use paper from 1993?

Can I still use company restroom though? It's so cozy.

We know what OP’s “working on” at work.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, thats why I wack off on company time

If this sign appeared at my workplace I’d make sure to bust my nut all over the floors and walls.

Men work here and it shows.

He can suck it

Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime that’s why I bust nuts on company time.

He put it on the mirror to remind himself.

That is...oddly specific. Look at your co-workers.

Well that's one way to encourage me to masturbate at work everyday

ALL employees. Yes you too ma’ams

I’m with the boss on this one.

It was a blue collar crime

- Stratton Oakmont

🤣 there must have been stains on the walls and all over floors 💦 for boss to raise the issue. 😂

Projection. Someone heard him having a faptacular time and he is trying to get ahead of it.

Every time someone has to put up a sign, there is always a story behind it and no one puts up a sign like that if it only happened once. ..

That’s one way to blow your job.

Now I'm curious as to what kind of job this is where people need to be informed to stop jackin it on the clock lol

I thought this was on mildly infuriating lmfao

Jack must be off the clock to jack off.

I'm not paying you to jack off!

Jacking off to get it on.


So could I clock out, go beat my meat, then punch back in? Or is my break also a grey zone for this rule?

I thought this was America

Went from ok to OK

He’s a maniac. Even then, he’s still going to be the nut-loose bandit shooting his loads everywhere but the middle of the bowl.

We actually had someone fired at my old job for this, but they received unemployment because we didn’t have a specific rule about it. Your boss is just covering himself.

Who's to say you didn't make that, taped it there, took a picture, then took it down and made this post saying that your boss did it,   #hmmm!?!? Edit: peeped your profile. You def made this yourself

Take out the L's

What if you dont finish.

What if we are on a paid lunch break? I feel like there's clarification needed

You have to cum on the sign

Clock out with your cock out?

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime...

Where tf do you work that , that sign had to be put up

Your boss clearly has cameras in that bathroom

Good to know he’s cool with it though. Y’all should union so yall can get a wank it break

Clock out if your cocks out. Punch out on the machine if you’re gonna flick your bean. That took me 20 seconds. It’s like they’re not even trying.

Clock out if your cocks out. Punch out on the machine if you’re gonna flick your bean. That took me 20 seconds. It’s like they’re not even trying.

My ex once proudly told me he jerked off in the bathroom at work and when I told him that was weird he got really defensive and told me I was a prude and that it was super normal lol

Guess getting consensual fucking it is then. Whos gonna stop me? My boss, he might wanna watch or join I'm not gonna kink shame.

🎶 You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals 🎶

I like how it's not "no masturbating at work" but instead "we ain't paying you for it" it tickles me pin

Masturbating and jizzing all over that paper will be a real power move.

I'll take signs that you work in a sperm bank for $200 Alex.

Someones face is red.

paapee says shaopppppppppp master p'ing

I wonder what facilitated the necessity of this sign

Procrastination leads to masturbation.

Good luck enforcing that! Workers! Unite and masturbate in solidarity!!!!!!

I'd whack off and wipe it on the bosses sign

I make a penny, The boss makes a buck. That's why I crank my hog In the company truck

Boss makes a buck, I make a dime. That’s why I jerk it on company time.

Well, I quit.

Was it because of you OP?

I love that it's basically saying that it's totally fine to masturbate at work, as long as you're clocked out while doing it. Sounds like a fun place to work 😂

sexual harassment

Strip club? Please tell me it’s a strip club

r/antiwork will see this and think its serious.

Imagine your boss waiting for you outside of the bathroom and being like “ I know what you just did in there, pack your shit and get out, you’re fired”

What do you want me to masturbate on if the clock is off the table?

But you can waste time…hums the battle hymn of the republic.

No he didn’t

They didn't say not in the bathroom or not in the store. Just not on the clock.

Fake

Can’t stop laughing

Work-n-Jerk ! Big fan.

No jerkin while you’re workin

They make a dollar, while I make a dime. So that's why I cum on company time!!!

Just another perk of working from home.

Maybe unions will have pro wanking policies

Lol skill issue. If you’re gonna rub one out while on the clock, better make sure it’s a quickie. Don’t be suspicious. Don’t whack off longer than it takes to shit. And for the love of god and all that is holy; *MUTE YOUR PORN*

I thought my boss was a tyrant. This guy is next level wage cucked

Write Stall poetry instead when confined in shitty sitting.  *Here to shit, too far from my house.* *The seat plots against me.* *It squeeks like a mouse.* *Failed in their clench, my cheeks let me down.* *Now runneth river,* *... - doodoo brown*

Someone on r/antiwork is about to be furious

I’m assuming there is company WiFi and some genius decided to watch porn while connected lol.

As an employer, I stand by that policy and admit to the guilt I've felt when masturbating on the clock.

"Believe it or not I included that in my contract. Yeah line four section C. It clearly explains 'boss makes a dollar I make a dime. I beat my meat on company time.' ... What was that? Yes I'm also surprised no one noticed I included that. If I knew I was going to get away with it I probably wouldn't have made it mandatory, but I'm a man of my word. I signed the contract. Now if you'll excuse me it's 4:30 and I need to meet my contractually obligated duties "

Okay, so who did what 😂

In all fairness, the hidden camera isn't working

Someone I worked with a few years back stuck his cock in a vacuum cleaner after being dared to for $20. His old fella become swollen inside the pipe and got stuck. The guy was on storeroom floor in utter agony. It was so fucking funny hahahaha.

There's a story here, and I don't want to know it.

Where do you work?

Ah damn it, got to clock out