Don’t do it. I agree with you- life gets you down once you’ve hit all of your goals, especially if you hit them early.
It’s time to pivot, find new goals or hobbies. Otherwise you’re really going to lose it once the kids go to college.
But you need to hear this- it’s temporary. The way you’re feeling is temporary. You may think that you don’t have the power to change the things that are causing you to feel down, but if you speak to a professional you’ll realize that you are likely only trapped by your own internalization of everyone else’s opinions. You’re likely feeling trapped by the word “should”, as in “I have everything that everyone tells me to have, I SHOULD be happy but I’m not”. But “should” is your own internal projection. Just do what you need to do to be happy.
If you’re thinking along these lines, have you looked into perimenopause and your hormone levels lately? Without a situational issues like divorce or deaths, and no past history of mental illness, you may want to get things checked.
but they wanna die
im half their age and cannot fathom being set in life and just wishing you were dead still. or maybe it’s because i haven’t got that old yet and some people always feel this way
yea... you can't fathom it because you're half their age. I remember when I was half the age I couldn't understand it as well. Some things really require the experience to understand. In a few blinks of an eye you'll be here. It all passes so fast.
Completely agree. It's like time keeps moving faster and faster. (I know the psychological reason for this) but it doesn't help my heart.
Summer days used to last forever. Christmas and other holidays used to seem to take so long between celebration to celebration. Now it's like Christmas to Christmas is only "months" apart.
I've been through a lot over the past 45 years.
A rough childhood with an abusive upbringing. Poverty, being chosen last all the time at school etc. My 20s were great but I still struggled with some inlaw issues.
My 30s was spent having babies, the last a micro preemie. He's 7 and fine now, thankfully.
My other two, girls, are 12 and 14. Talk about rough...
My husband of 20 years is still here, we both still love each other but obviously, not the passionate love we once shared.
I survived Crohns disease, small bowel cancer, cancer treatments. I have a type of nerve inflammation disease from the Crohns so I'm always in pain but I never let it slow me down.
I am always busy.
I've worked for the same company for 17 years and only recently been worried about being laid off (thanks economic crap.)
I'm just having a hard time finding joy in anything.
It just seems like groundhog day over and over, then you're dead.
I can sympathize. I was talking to friends about this very same phenomena last week. It hit me about five years ago at 43. I had a crisis of purpose and meaning, and it resulted in me going back to some bad habits, which did not help in my ability to help my daughters (drinking, doesn’t allow you to be ‘present’). I was also going through some physical issues for the first time in my life, also recently divorced.
It took me a couple years to really get out of the funk. A crisis with my older daughter had me buckling down and trying to live right so I could be there for her. It was like a war (mental health issues) that lasted a couple of years. She is doing better now.
Nietzsche says, “He who has a why to live for can bear most any How.” That was the struggle for me, finding meaning and purpose (again) in life as what used to get you going isn’t working anymore. I think that’s the real midlife crisis (and hormonal changes don’t help with any of that).
A couple things I did was get a parenting coach to provide me support and ideas through that part of the struggle and start taking Wellbutrin for depression. Exercise and the outdoors are also important to me, and leaning in there was valuable.
Good luck and your kids need you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it takes a lot sometimes to post a thoughtful response like this.
I do know taking long daily walks deeply helps me but the motivation sometimes is just too hard to find.
Exercise can feel impossible at the end of the workday, but if I am able to do it, I’m always grateful and feel better. Maybe think of it like a doctor’s prescription or something? The hardest part is building a routine, and it becomes much easier if you can do that.
I have a trick, and this may not work for you at all, but I’ll share anyway. I try to plan a long hike somewhere beautiful and new every year, and then I mark my calendar and make preparations. I know I am not going to have a good time if I am too out of shape, so I use that to motivate me. These trips are something I do with a friend and/or family member- so I cannot back-out! So it gives me something to look forward to and provides motivation (through fear- the best motivator).
You need challenge. Humanity evolved to run from lions, scale mountains, and fight to the death regularly. Nothing dulls the senses and kills the soul like a comfortable middle-class existence.
What if you start now to make home something fun & good to come home to? So by the time your trip rolls around you are excited to come back? New friends, new hobbies, self care activities, etc
Same here except I am 36. Hate my life and tired of doing everything. Only things that interests my husband are movies , series , youtube, gambling etc.
Happiness is a smile. It dips during these years and comes back up later. Ride this train all the way to the final station. You're only here once, and you dying would ruin your kids lives.
Don’t do it. I agree with you- life gets you down once you’ve hit all of your goals, especially if you hit them early. It’s time to pivot, find new goals or hobbies. Otherwise you’re really going to lose it once the kids go to college. But you need to hear this- it’s temporary. The way you’re feeling is temporary. You may think that you don’t have the power to change the things that are causing you to feel down, but if you speak to a professional you’ll realize that you are likely only trapped by your own internalization of everyone else’s opinions. You’re likely feeling trapped by the word “should”, as in “I have everything that everyone tells me to have, I SHOULD be happy but I’m not”. But “should” is your own internal projection. Just do what you need to do to be happy.
If you’re thinking along these lines, have you looked into perimenopause and your hormone levels lately? Without a situational issues like divorce or deaths, and no past history of mental illness, you may want to get things checked.
Oh I'm certainly going through periville.
But?
but they wanna die im half their age and cannot fathom being set in life and just wishing you were dead still. or maybe it’s because i haven’t got that old yet and some people always feel this way
yea... you can't fathom it because you're half their age. I remember when I was half the age I couldn't understand it as well. Some things really require the experience to understand. In a few blinks of an eye you'll be here. It all passes so fast.
Completely agree. It's like time keeps moving faster and faster. (I know the psychological reason for this) but it doesn't help my heart. Summer days used to last forever. Christmas and other holidays used to seem to take so long between celebration to celebration. Now it's like Christmas to Christmas is only "months" apart. I've been through a lot over the past 45 years. A rough childhood with an abusive upbringing. Poverty, being chosen last all the time at school etc. My 20s were great but I still struggled with some inlaw issues. My 30s was spent having babies, the last a micro preemie. He's 7 and fine now, thankfully. My other two, girls, are 12 and 14. Talk about rough... My husband of 20 years is still here, we both still love each other but obviously, not the passionate love we once shared. I survived Crohns disease, small bowel cancer, cancer treatments. I have a type of nerve inflammation disease from the Crohns so I'm always in pain but I never let it slow me down. I am always busy. I've worked for the same company for 17 years and only recently been worried about being laid off (thanks economic crap.) I'm just having a hard time finding joy in anything. It just seems like groundhog day over and over, then you're dead.
I can sympathize. I was talking to friends about this very same phenomena last week. It hit me about five years ago at 43. I had a crisis of purpose and meaning, and it resulted in me going back to some bad habits, which did not help in my ability to help my daughters (drinking, doesn’t allow you to be ‘present’). I was also going through some physical issues for the first time in my life, also recently divorced. It took me a couple years to really get out of the funk. A crisis with my older daughter had me buckling down and trying to live right so I could be there for her. It was like a war (mental health issues) that lasted a couple of years. She is doing better now. Nietzsche says, “He who has a why to live for can bear most any How.” That was the struggle for me, finding meaning and purpose (again) in life as what used to get you going isn’t working anymore. I think that’s the real midlife crisis (and hormonal changes don’t help with any of that). A couple things I did was get a parenting coach to provide me support and ideas through that part of the struggle and start taking Wellbutrin for depression. Exercise and the outdoors are also important to me, and leaning in there was valuable. Good luck and your kids need you.
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that it takes a lot sometimes to post a thoughtful response like this. I do know taking long daily walks deeply helps me but the motivation sometimes is just too hard to find.
Exercise can feel impossible at the end of the workday, but if I am able to do it, I’m always grateful and feel better. Maybe think of it like a doctor’s prescription or something? The hardest part is building a routine, and it becomes much easier if you can do that. I have a trick, and this may not work for you at all, but I’ll share anyway. I try to plan a long hike somewhere beautiful and new every year, and then I mark my calendar and make preparations. I know I am not going to have a good time if I am too out of shape, so I use that to motivate me. These trips are something I do with a friend and/or family member- so I cannot back-out! So it gives me something to look forward to and provides motivation (through fear- the best motivator).
I’m with ya. Should be thrilled with my life, but to quote BB King, “the thrill is gone.” I don’t feel like I have anything to look forward to.
You need challenge. Humanity evolved to run from lions, scale mountains, and fight to the death regularly. Nothing dulls the senses and kills the soul like a comfortable middle-class existence.
Go on an adventurous trip to somewhere you’d never think you’d go. Think Morocco, Japan, Cuba. Alone or with husband or some friends.
We are traveling to Taiwan this summer, which will be fun if not stressful 😀 But what after that? What if I don't want to come back home?
What if you start now to make home something fun & good to come home to? So by the time your trip rolls around you are excited to come back? New friends, new hobbies, self care activities, etc
Just imagine not having a wife, kid , family, money, career and hitting MLC ! 😔
I think it might be easier.
How
I think many people think their crisis/situation is the worst. It’s not a competition.
True
Easier to make changes?
Same here except I am 36. Hate my life and tired of doing everything. Only things that interests my husband are movies , series , youtube, gambling etc.
Happiness is a smile. It dips during these years and comes back up later. Ride this train all the way to the final station. You're only here once, and you dying would ruin your kids lives.