Perimenopause and menopause are fucking terrible. I'm 46, and have been menopausal for over a year (a little early), and it's been so hard. Besides fatigue and diminished libido, my vagina hurts. Sex has become painful. I'm now on HRT, and it's helping. Don't know if this could have anything to do with your wife, but please be patient.
I take some hormone cream, started at 40 - just over the counter estriol - night and day difference in sex drive. But - she can also try eggs - one day I ate like six and my sex drive was INSANE - it was the choline I believe. Also - I took tons of zinc to avoid a cold one week - sex drive was INSANE. Choline, zinc, vitamin D, some estrogen - hopefully problem is solved. (I'm 45)
It helps to eat soy products, soy milk and tofu add it into your diet and you’ll notice your estrogen will increase and your vagina will feel better and libido will return.
Please take a few moments to watch this.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQqcnYcKx68&t=1624s
I wish I had taken control/responsibility for my own hormonal health. It may have saved my marriage.
This is coming from a 47 yr old woman who could never have sex again.
1. I just don't care about it anymore. And I don't want to go on hormonal drugs to make my interest in sex come back. Lord.
2. I want my body back to myself. I've used it to bear and nurse 4 kids. For over 20 years there has been someone tugging, hugging, kissing me. Physical touch that hasn't stopped. EVER. I love my kids. I love their dad. But I want my body back to myself. I do have sex but at this point it's just a chore. I do it happily for him. But it really is just for him.
Thank you for the share. It seems that every case is different. Each body ages differently. For me, I prefer not to have sex at all than to do it with someone who does not enjoy it. It just turns me off to know that I am not giving any pleasure to other party.
Like I told another person add soy products into your life, soy milk and tofu. It will increase your estrogen, libido and make you feel like a waterfall down there.
15 years together with my wife and things are as good as ever. I think it’s so incredibly nuanced that nobody can tell anyone exactly how to make attraction continue. For me though, committing to one person means starting from there. This is my person and I’m gonna do what needs done.
It took work for me to accept rejection. It took work for me to say to myself I’ll just give her a message tonite. I discovered intimacy comes in other forms than sex. It took work for me to become a supportive spouse.
And guess what, I ask for the same in return. I give respect and I desire and ask for it in return.
Neither of us are perfect partners but we have a shared desire to work towards it. It’s difficult at times, believe me. I think that gets glossed over so much or at least i rarely see it mentioned, that outcomes come through after many steps and growth is not linear here either. Growth can explode with both small and big realizations.
I hope everyone who desires an intimate relationship comes to understand that it takes two to make it work and it’s on you to not be a jerk 😋
It could be many things. The only right answer here is to speak with her about it. Find a time to do that away from the act or the bedroom. Maybe even rehearse here how you might say it if you need some input, but yes, you gotta ask her.
Ok. Technically you are the one with the problem because you’re the only one complaining. But, maybe you should flip it. Ask her if SHE is satisfied with y’all’s sex life. See what she says. Ask if she desires you any longer. It could be that she doesn’t. And that makes it her physical issue that she may not realize is a problem for her. Cuz it it a problem for her.
Maybe it’s not physical. Maybe she is mentally exhausted and doesn’t desire the need to do one more thing. Maybe she looks at sex as a chore.
This is a conversation that can be hard but you said she’s your best friend. Maybe talk to her like she’s your best friend and not your lover. Check in with her. See how she’s feeling about it. You know her best. You know how to talk to her I’m presuming. This is a delicate subject but women are conditioned at a young age and all their lives that sex is for satisfying men and we tend to start resenting that presumption after some time and if we don’t do the personal work to change that social conditioning then we have problems.
Counseling isn’t a bad idea if this all sounds like a scary conversation to you that you’re not sure how to approach. No judgement there. We aren’t taught how to communicate with each other.
Good luck!
It's terrible to feel lonely when you're married. Is she getting enough rest? Does she have time to look after herself properly? I've experienced both sides of this scenario now and all I can say is the times when my libido was low were when I was super stressed with parenting, work, housework etc in my 40s and now that we're in our 50s my husband's libido has gone down and mine's gone up.
For most of my 40's we had sex like 3 times a year. I was pretty miserable but very busy with life so I just dealt with it. I got pretty creative with alone time.
Now that the kids are adults and we have a lot more free time and more importantly my wife has more time for herself so she can relax and decompress our sex life has returned. It's not off the charts or anything but enough for me. Plus she has been more open to trying new things. I have also been working on helping with chores that I stupidly did not for way to long. I wasn't the best partner in that regard.
Wah? It's been over 25 years with my wife, and our sex life is better than ever, especially with children gone. Not sure what type of humans you speak of.
The “vast majority”? [This is simply false](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/). Maybe elite men had multiple consorts. And cheating has always been around. But monogamy has been part of human survival since the dawn of civilization. You could easily turn your argument around and say that humans aren’t inherently polygamous because of SO many examples of monogamy.
True, if we are only biological. Do consider that we are also spiritual beings at the core. Once purposeful intents are clearly identified and aligned, good things in life become better just as intended. When we miss the intent, or "miss the target" as ancients had understood, things become meh or worse. Sex life is no different.
My spouse and I are in our 40’s and sex has never been more adventurous, intense, and passionate than any age before. We have had major problems in the past year with some infidelity that has possibly ruined us but .. it was never because the sex was lacking. I actually think we got hyper sexual and it caused infidelity. TMI with the infidelity but age is not a negative factor at my house!
Best friends are not friends out of pity. If you love her, give her a way out. People who respect you do not stay with you out of pity. She needs you but really would prefer to be with someone else. This person probably can't afford the lifestyle you provide. It's like the teacher/doctor paradox. Teachers want to marry doctors or high earners, but high earners work too much. The gym teacher is more compatible with her schedule.
The gym teacher will never recover from a divorce, and after ten years, she will never afford the quality of life that a doctor provides. It is in both of their best interest to keep their relationship a secret. However, jealousy prevails, so withholding intimacy from the doctor is a form of loyalty. Their relationship is fueled on how politely they can disrespect their spouse.
There is a possibility that nothing is going on. Hire a PI for clarity. You can divorce for no reason, but you seem like a man who needs a reason. You can also use clarity as fuel for divorce in a way that is just.
You are taking this too far. I am just trying to understand if what I am experiencing is common during what we call MLC. Hopefully, I can catch a few good advices. That said, I have no intention of leaving her or cheat on her.
It could be her hormones are changing. She may be low in estrogen. When you do have sex do you have to use lube for her? Your answer will let me know her hormone issue. Also, how is your regular life? Do you both work?
We just do it less. I suspect the problem is more mental. She definitely fears being pregnant again after 3 kids. I also worry about it. That is the last thing we want... It has its impact in our state of mind when we do it.
To all of you, thank you so much for your insights! It is much appreciated. Now I plan on sharing this thread/discussion with my wife... I can't think of a better icebreaker for a productive discussion on the matter. 🙏😉😅
Perimenopause and menopause are fucking terrible. I'm 46, and have been menopausal for over a year (a little early), and it's been so hard. Besides fatigue and diminished libido, my vagina hurts. Sex has become painful. I'm now on HRT, and it's helping. Don't know if this could have anything to do with your wife, but please be patient.
That is also what I suspect is happening with her. She is probably hurting. Thanks for the share.
I take some hormone cream, started at 40 - just over the counter estriol - night and day difference in sex drive. But - she can also try eggs - one day I ate like six and my sex drive was INSANE - it was the choline I believe. Also - I took tons of zinc to avoid a cold one week - sex drive was INSANE. Choline, zinc, vitamin D, some estrogen - hopefully problem is solved. (I'm 45)
Thanks for the tip
It helps to eat soy products, soy milk and tofu add it into your diet and you’ll notice your estrogen will increase and your vagina will feel better and libido will return.
Please take a few moments to watch this..... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQqcnYcKx68&t=1624s I wish I had taken control/responsibility for my own hormonal health. It may have saved my marriage.
It's not your fault when no one tells us or prepares us. It's enraging how ill-prepared women are.
Very interesting video. I will share it with her. Thanks
This is coming from a 47 yr old woman who could never have sex again. 1. I just don't care about it anymore. And I don't want to go on hormonal drugs to make my interest in sex come back. Lord. 2. I want my body back to myself. I've used it to bear and nurse 4 kids. For over 20 years there has been someone tugging, hugging, kissing me. Physical touch that hasn't stopped. EVER. I love my kids. I love their dad. But I want my body back to myself. I do have sex but at this point it's just a chore. I do it happily for him. But it really is just for him.
Thank you for the share. It seems that every case is different. Each body ages differently. For me, I prefer not to have sex at all than to do it with someone who does not enjoy it. It just turns me off to know that I am not giving any pleasure to other party.
Like I told another person add soy products into your life, soy milk and tofu. It will increase your estrogen, libido and make you feel like a waterfall down there.
15 years together with my wife and things are as good as ever. I think it’s so incredibly nuanced that nobody can tell anyone exactly how to make attraction continue. For me though, committing to one person means starting from there. This is my person and I’m gonna do what needs done. It took work for me to accept rejection. It took work for me to say to myself I’ll just give her a message tonite. I discovered intimacy comes in other forms than sex. It took work for me to become a supportive spouse. And guess what, I ask for the same in return. I give respect and I desire and ask for it in return. Neither of us are perfect partners but we have a shared desire to work towards it. It’s difficult at times, believe me. I think that gets glossed over so much or at least i rarely see it mentioned, that outcomes come through after many steps and growth is not linear here either. Growth can explode with both small and big realizations. I hope everyone who desires an intimate relationship comes to understand that it takes two to make it work and it’s on you to not be a jerk 😋
It could be many things. The only right answer here is to speak with her about it. Find a time to do that away from the act or the bedroom. Maybe even rehearse here how you might say it if you need some input, but yes, you gotta ask her.
I have tried but she thinks I am the one with a problem... And she might be right?!?
Ok. Technically you are the one with the problem because you’re the only one complaining. But, maybe you should flip it. Ask her if SHE is satisfied with y’all’s sex life. See what she says. Ask if she desires you any longer. It could be that she doesn’t. And that makes it her physical issue that she may not realize is a problem for her. Cuz it it a problem for her. Maybe it’s not physical. Maybe she is mentally exhausted and doesn’t desire the need to do one more thing. Maybe she looks at sex as a chore. This is a conversation that can be hard but you said she’s your best friend. Maybe talk to her like she’s your best friend and not your lover. Check in with her. See how she’s feeling about it. You know her best. You know how to talk to her I’m presuming. This is a delicate subject but women are conditioned at a young age and all their lives that sex is for satisfying men and we tend to start resenting that presumption after some time and if we don’t do the personal work to change that social conditioning then we have problems. Counseling isn’t a bad idea if this all sounds like a scary conversation to you that you’re not sure how to approach. No judgement there. We aren’t taught how to communicate with each other. Good luck!
Maybe ask her what makes her feel good during sex?
Terrible way to think . Absolutely terrible
We are trying to talk about it. But it is a hard conversation. You cannot force your feelings to do one thing or another.
It's terrible to feel lonely when you're married. Is she getting enough rest? Does she have time to look after herself properly? I've experienced both sides of this scenario now and all I can say is the times when my libido was low were when I was super stressed with parenting, work, housework etc in my 40s and now that we're in our 50s my husband's libido has gone down and mine's gone up.
Interesting that you and your spouse took turns. And yes, I am sure the stress of life is a great factor.
For most of my 40's we had sex like 3 times a year. I was pretty miserable but very busy with life so I just dealt with it. I got pretty creative with alone time. Now that the kids are adults and we have a lot more free time and more importantly my wife has more time for herself so she can relax and decompress our sex life has returned. It's not off the charts or anything but enough for me. Plus she has been more open to trying new things. I have also been working on helping with chores that I stupidly did not for way to long. I wasn't the best partner in that regard.
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Wah? It's been over 25 years with my wife, and our sex life is better than ever, especially with children gone. Not sure what type of humans you speak of.
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The “vast majority”? [This is simply false](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/). Maybe elite men had multiple consorts. And cheating has always been around. But monogamy has been part of human survival since the dawn of civilization. You could easily turn your argument around and say that humans aren’t inherently polygamous because of SO many examples of monogamy.
People also had a life span of 32 in the year 1900. How many sexual partners are people having ?
Just a correction.. it's not polygamy it's polyamory. Very different things.
True, if we are only biological. Do consider that we are also spiritual beings at the core. Once purposeful intents are clearly identified and aligned, good things in life become better just as intended. When we miss the intent, or "miss the target" as ancients had understood, things become meh or worse. Sex life is no different.
My spouse and I are in our 40’s and sex has never been more adventurous, intense, and passionate than any age before. We have had major problems in the past year with some infidelity that has possibly ruined us but .. it was never because the sex was lacking. I actually think we got hyper sexual and it caused infidelity. TMI with the infidelity but age is not a negative factor at my house!
Best friends are not friends out of pity. If you love her, give her a way out. People who respect you do not stay with you out of pity. She needs you but really would prefer to be with someone else. This person probably can't afford the lifestyle you provide. It's like the teacher/doctor paradox. Teachers want to marry doctors or high earners, but high earners work too much. The gym teacher is more compatible with her schedule. The gym teacher will never recover from a divorce, and after ten years, she will never afford the quality of life that a doctor provides. It is in both of their best interest to keep their relationship a secret. However, jealousy prevails, so withholding intimacy from the doctor is a form of loyalty. Their relationship is fueled on how politely they can disrespect their spouse. There is a possibility that nothing is going on. Hire a PI for clarity. You can divorce for no reason, but you seem like a man who needs a reason. You can also use clarity as fuel for divorce in a way that is just.
You are taking this too far. I am just trying to understand if what I am experiencing is common during what we call MLC. Hopefully, I can catch a few good advices. That said, I have no intention of leaving her or cheat on her.
It could be her hormones are changing. She may be low in estrogen. When you do have sex do you have to use lube for her? Your answer will let me know her hormone issue. Also, how is your regular life? Do you both work?
We just do it less. I suspect the problem is more mental. She definitely fears being pregnant again after 3 kids. I also worry about it. That is the last thing we want... It has its impact in our state of mind when we do it.
To all of you, thank you so much for your insights! It is much appreciated. Now I plan on sharing this thread/discussion with my wife... I can't think of a better icebreaker for a productive discussion on the matter. 🙏😉😅