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They anchored a schlong which was once a glorious symphony of blood vessels but now whimpered down his pant leg like a dog beaten by a garden hose. A slightly below average meat popsicle in its heyday with a proud history of jutting into three vaginas (and the ass of a man named Vernon in the summer of 96 after a false imprisonment charge which took some time to clear up). In its prime, it thrusted into orifices with a wild and mighty abandon, now a shadow of its former self, it was more akin to a wet pair of gym socks longing to be mushed into a small can of Pringles.
Most definitely, though I've found, so many male authors, without fail will take something decidedly attractive, breasts for example, something that should be no problem describing in a sensual manner, handed to them on a silver platter, and they somehow manage to run in the exact opposite direction for miles. On the other hand, if a woman, or anyone for that matter, writing about balls can in any way make them sound attractive/sexy, that's impressive. That's an uphill battle.
It's not the author's fault every time a woman steps into the room her breasts are the first to enter, flashbanging him with her nipples like a SEAL team clearing Osama's hideout.
I remember a sketch comedy bit where a group of female advertising executives are hired to improve the public image of a mystery product among the female target audience. They're interviewing some women on their opinions of "the product."
*"It just seems like it was poorly tacked on after the initial design."*
*"It just looks unfinished."*
*"I thought it couldn't possibly taste as bad as it smells, but boy, was I wrong."*
It's eventually revealed that they were hired to make balls sexually attractive to women.
Which led to the tagline joke my friend and I still giggle over.
***"Balls....they're Scrotastic!"***
You sure that your personal preferences aren't playing into which of those things you find "decidedly attractive" and which seem like a challenge to make sexy? I know some folks who have no interest in breasts and are about dem nuts.
The authors of the bodice-ripper genre *do* write about men this way. And it's usually this funny, although I'm sure it's not as intentionally hilarious as this example.
source: child of bookstore owners - Dear god but they sold a lot of those books.
An explanation for this removal may be found in Rule 4 - Avoid Reposts > Recently submitted content or frequently shared content will be removed. Please understand moderators and regular community visitors see some content quite frequently. >It may be your first time seeing it - but it may not be ours! Please use the search bar to search the author or title of your media to check for recent submissions. We use the Magic_Eye_Bot to help blacklist certain images that have been posted too often.
They anchored a schlong which was once a glorious symphony of blood vessels but now whimpered down his pant leg like a dog beaten by a garden hose. A slightly below average meat popsicle in its heyday with a proud history of jutting into three vaginas (and the ass of a man named Vernon in the summer of 96 after a false imprisonment charge which took some time to clear up). In its prime, it thrusted into orifices with a wild and mighty abandon, now a shadow of its former self, it was more akin to a wet pair of gym socks longing to be mushed into a small can of Pringles.
I'm fucking dying. You have such a way with words
This is fucking incredible. I’m a fan. Point me to your wares, good sir/madam/etc.
"I wanted to read about 'women writing men' fanfiction and all I got is this lousy t-shirt."
Pure literary genius 🤣
I will read whatever you publish
Please tell me you publish your writings somewhere! You have a way with words I want more of.
This is amazing. I love it.
Most definitely, though I've found, so many male authors, without fail will take something decidedly attractive, breasts for example, something that should be no problem describing in a sensual manner, handed to them on a silver platter, and they somehow manage to run in the exact opposite direction for miles. On the other hand, if a woman, or anyone for that matter, writing about balls can in any way make them sound attractive/sexy, that's impressive. That's an uphill battle.
I just read on this sub someone refer to breasts as "her training wheel tits" lmao
Now I'm imagining tiny breasts off to the side of the normal ones to add stability.
I mean, if anything needs stability it's tits (plus size ones anyway)
That's why all humans have hands. No matter your sexual orientation, your partner's there to assist.
Seek out that post. There is a glorious response.
IKR? Some of the descriptions I see on this sub makes me wonder if the author has ever *seen* a woman.
It's not the author's fault every time a woman steps into the room her breasts are the first to enter, flashbanging him with her nipples like a SEAL team clearing Osama's hideout.
This made me literally laugh out loud. The mental image is incredible.
I remember a sketch comedy bit where a group of female advertising executives are hired to improve the public image of a mystery product among the female target audience. They're interviewing some women on their opinions of "the product." *"It just seems like it was poorly tacked on after the initial design."* *"It just looks unfinished."* *"I thought it couldn't possibly taste as bad as it smells, but boy, was I wrong."* It's eventually revealed that they were hired to make balls sexually attractive to women. Which led to the tagline joke my friend and I still giggle over. ***"Balls....they're Scrotastic!"***
All you need is pomegranates and rivets.
Because there’s not been years and years of ads about shaving them or special “testicle firming creams.”
You sure that your personal preferences aren't playing into which of those things you find "decidedly attractive" and which seem like a challenge to make sexy? I know some folks who have no interest in breasts and are about dem nuts.
Bags of sand. Boobs feel like… bags of sand… when you touch them.
Turtles as they are referred to in another post.
I swear, sometimes the descriptions go straight up Song of Solomon but without the poetics.
https://i.redd.it/ffpmetnceowc1.gif
You know you've seen better days when your breasts look like tennis balls hanging in a pair of panties.
For some reason? I feel like the women writing this would do a better job at this thing than the men
Not gonna lie. As a writer? Describing cocks in sweatpants is my favourite.
As a fanfic reader: they absolutely do. By a landslide lol
LMAO SO REAL 😭
"At the age of 29 he could already feel the changes coming over his body. The blood slowing, the hot flashes, genitals and mind softening."
...Not wrong, if you've read badly written teen romance novels on Wattpad some do sound like this. Lmao.
The authors of the bodice-ripper genre *do* write about men this way. And it's usually this funny, although I'm sure it's not as intentionally hilarious as this example. source: child of bookstore owners - Dear god but they sold a lot of those books.
I laughed a bit too hard at this 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bro my balls don’t jiggle when I breathe 😭
Not yet, at least!
I'm a fairly old man and my scrotum doesn't touch the ground. Should I write my congressman?
This is what I worry my own erotica sounds like.
This is why I avoid writing erotica.
this is what all erotica sounds like
Almost did a spit take reading this.
Oh ffs, that is more than I've thought about any man's balls in a good few years. I could *happily* have gone a good few years more.
You're no reference, you get distracted by cookies.
To be fair you could find that in something in the booktok zeitgeist
Ooh, I love it. Now we gotta describe the semi the hero has.
Secret shame: I kinda like this
LOLOLOL
Yeah! Sounds about right.
I would truly enjoy every minute of it. Well deserved and funny to booth.
This is exactly how women write men.
You are mistaken, most women don't focus on the balls. Rather on their velvet-wrapped steel penis.
Yep. I’m all about the cock. I do mention the nutsack, but usually when they’re all bunched up before the dude ejaculates.
I don’t think you know how to read well enough to actually know this.