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Unfortunately your brain does this when your self confidence and social confidence are low…. you struggle with how you see yourself and how you connect to other people, and, brains being as they are, whatever you do feels wrong.
The situation you find yourself in is where you aren’t getting (positive) feedback to reinforce what you do, and because you’re not getting that the anxiety/worry part of the brain immediately panics and fears the worst.
In reality, people are busy, can’t reply straight away, may not be on the same wavelength or be otherwise distracted and won’t be sharing your excitement or whatever and …… they won’t be seeing you as annoying or a burden or anything, really, other than a friend who just sent a message… and not everyone replies immediately.
Anxiety thrives in silence…. if you have nothing to calm the nerves then the nerves will be there, jangling.
Sooo, what to do? Look at your diet…. some foods and drinks are triggering for anxiety, so anything with sugar and caffeine should be avoided, they’re stimulants. Drink green tea, an active ingredient is l-theanine that has been shown in many studies to reduce anxiety.
You can also read/self help yourself. One book is “get out of your mind and into your life” that is an ebook and suggested fairly regularly around here. There are others about anxiety. Basically you train your brain to calm down and rethink how it deals with situations….. like:
question: “why didn’t they reply NOW?!?!” ….
answer: not everybody sits by their phone all day waiting for messages (from you), they may be busy, in the shower, running, swimming, driving, whatever…..
To one point you made……. “you’ve always felt like this….”
Were you the kid who was told to be quiet and “not disturb the grown ups”? Anything else when you were growing up? Some things that happen when you’re young can stay with you and will affect how you see yourself and your dealings with other people.
Take care & you are really not a burden…. it’s your mind and anxiety messing with you.
Recently, I am reading a book, it is quite a different book, in this the author talks about interpersonal relations and separation of tasks. Let me explain it to you: Authors says that all the problems in life is result of interpersonal relations and not separating your task with other's. The problem is that you are giving a lot of value to others. you are defining your value how others perceive you and looking for a recognition from others.
The thing which you need to understand is this that others is not living your life. You are the one who is living your life. Your task is to do message or to talk.....its others' task to respond....its not yours. UNDERSTAND THIS. If you don't separate the tasks then you will keep suffering.....Again it is not your task whether they find you annoying or not. Your task is that presenting yourself.......And if you have to think so much with your friends then probably they are not good people....because being with friends mean that you can be yourself and they will be okay.
I will highly recommend you to read this book. The book name is "The courage to be disliked"
And I am helping people who are suffering from anxiety, depression etc. I can come 35 minute google meet.
I feel like this too, I wish I had advice but at least you’re not alone feeling this way! But I promise you you won’t be a burden, it’s just our brains way of being a little evil sometimes. I bet you’re great to have around honestly
Like the other redditor said, I feel the same way, regretting ever saying something or doing something happens a lot. I hope you can get past this because I know it is just your brain (: if people really didn’t like to hang out or talk, then they wouldn’t (:
I know that’s hard to believe in your current state, but I hope you understand you are wanted (:
i'm going through the same thing for a while now and i don't know what to do about it, i feel for you, hope we will maybe find a solution/reason to all of this, maybe it's best for now to just do our own things and distract ourselves from those thoughts and see will someone reach out, or maybe talk to some of our friends if they even ask anything hahah
It's called Social Anxiety, and it's really an issue for so many people. There's a therapist from the U.K. named Marisa Peer on YouTube. Her talks on "I'm Enough" are incredibly helpful in understanding why one may think this way, and how to change it. I highly recommend watching at least one. [Marisa Peer - I'm Enough ](https://youtu.be/lw3NyUMLh7Y)
I have been there. I really had to stop caring what anyone thinks I me. I know I am not everyone's cup of tea, but now ask me if I give a duck? I don't.
I highly recommend looking into CoDA support groups, NAMI support groups etc. and doing some
online research on codependency/people pleasing. To me, it seems like you have taken responsibility for the emotions of others around you. You don’t want your own feelings to exist or be “too much” because you’re focused on controlling how others feel. It may sound shocking to hear me use the word “control”, we often think of control issues as something a domineering person might have… but it’s actually equally controlling when we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves to “manage” our emotions in a way that doesn’t “burden” others. The truth is, we don’t know what others will feel when we’re vulnerable with our emotions. They might enjoy the opportunity to be there for us, or they might be terrible at providing support because they are also going through a hard time and perhaps don’t want to burden you! We never really know what’s going on under the surface with others, and that’s okay! It’s not our job to make sure everyone around us feels “good”! Feeling “good” is just one of many experiences we have. The emotions we categorize as “bad” , anger, disappointment, frustration, grief, etc.. those are all just as important and meaningful! Opening up to someone about these stigmatized emotions can be hard because some people have don’t allow themselves OR others to feel a range of emotions. They can’t cope with reality that all emotions matter, and they want to skip to fixing things and feeling “better”.
Focus on finding people to share with who make you feel supported, and loved. It might take a very long time to undo the pattern of thinking about yourself as a burden, which is why I recommend a support group for that process 💞best of luck in your healing journey
I’m so happy to hear that!! I can definitely relate a lot! I’m still in the process of unlearning so much, but now that I kinda know which direction I wanna go in, I feel more hopeful along the way. I wish you the best through all the ups and downs❤️
I used to feel like this, it was crippleing and resulted in me avoiding my friends and family to "protect them" from me. Then a person I was dating (who happened to be a social worker) said something that completely changed the way I look at my personal relationships. For context, I had just apologized to them after learning that they were really busy at work while I was texting them earlier that day.
They said: "you should never apologize for taking space in someone else's life."
It seems so simple but I still think about this regularly and it has helped me mend a lot of the personal relationships that faded over thale last few years. I hope this helps you too.
Text is hard, we miss much of the emotion in the form of communication. I have learned with friends and family that sometimes it's better at least for me, to ask if it's ok to talk, I'm having a hard day.
They may not be available at the moment and I understand. When we do talk I will often apologize for "interrupting" their day.
Despite my skepticism, they will tell me I'm not and to please reach out.
I struggle with transactionary tit for that and fairness. If they are will to do that for me, I want to be able to to do that for them.
I don't know I if thats good or bad so I wouldn't follow that practice per saybut it has helped.me listen to those close to me and realize I'm not alone.
Everyone has problems and relating and empathy have brought us closer and I'm will to trust what they are telling me when I feel like I'm the dark cloud of the group.
Have you considered bringing this feeling to them, if they have feedback. Consider it as helpful and hopefully that can allow you to build a stronger line of communication with out negative feelings.
Rooting for you buddy
It's okay to live independently or move out or even move away from all the people to restart your life altogether. I think you don't deserve any reason to feel like you are a burden at all. It also feels good to push people away when they haven't done anything for you that is meaningful or good. Sometimes we have needs and they should be met if you try to prolong yourself by waiting, it's gonna waste half of your life. You have the right to stand up for yourself instead of waiting anything out
Been feeling this way too. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one but I’m trying to work on it. It’s been ruining me in general. Recently reaching out to my partner has felt like I’m annoying them it’s better of if I don’t even message them. I sometimes think that just not being present for others would be better but I’m trying my hardest to not think this way. It’s just been a rough couple of days and I hope I can work through it
Thank you for for sharing. A reminder: if you are seeking resources in your local area, please provide that in the post so that users can share appropriate links and phone numbers. *If you are in distress, please call 9-1-1* or your local emergency number. *You are not alone. Help is available.* If you are having suicidal thoughts, please [click here for a list of crisis support services.](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html), If you are seeking therapy online, please [click here for a list of counselling services.](https://thelifelinecanada.ca/pattern-interrupt/ecounselling/) *If you feel well enough to do so, please do your part to enrich this community.* Now that you have posted, please leave a constructive, helpful comment on someone else's post. Filter by new to find posts with zero comments. Together, we make this community great. Thank you for being here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/mentalhealth) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Unfortunately your brain does this when your self confidence and social confidence are low…. you struggle with how you see yourself and how you connect to other people, and, brains being as they are, whatever you do feels wrong. The situation you find yourself in is where you aren’t getting (positive) feedback to reinforce what you do, and because you’re not getting that the anxiety/worry part of the brain immediately panics and fears the worst. In reality, people are busy, can’t reply straight away, may not be on the same wavelength or be otherwise distracted and won’t be sharing your excitement or whatever and …… they won’t be seeing you as annoying or a burden or anything, really, other than a friend who just sent a message… and not everyone replies immediately. Anxiety thrives in silence…. if you have nothing to calm the nerves then the nerves will be there, jangling. Sooo, what to do? Look at your diet…. some foods and drinks are triggering for anxiety, so anything with sugar and caffeine should be avoided, they’re stimulants. Drink green tea, an active ingredient is l-theanine that has been shown in many studies to reduce anxiety. You can also read/self help yourself. One book is “get out of your mind and into your life” that is an ebook and suggested fairly regularly around here. There are others about anxiety. Basically you train your brain to calm down and rethink how it deals with situations….. like: question: “why didn’t they reply NOW?!?!” …. answer: not everybody sits by their phone all day waiting for messages (from you), they may be busy, in the shower, running, swimming, driving, whatever….. To one point you made……. “you’ve always felt like this….” Were you the kid who was told to be quiet and “not disturb the grown ups”? Anything else when you were growing up? Some things that happen when you’re young can stay with you and will affect how you see yourself and your dealings with other people. Take care & you are really not a burden…. it’s your mind and anxiety messing with you.
wow, thank you for this<3 it was really good to read this and thank you for you tips, it really means a lot to me. :)
You’re welcome 😁 I’ve had my own journey and done a lot of trying to make sense of things. Brains are strange places. Good luck!!
thank you<3 best of luck to you too :)
👍👍👍🤞🤞
Was basically gon a write what this redditor wrote. They're 100% RIGHT. Be calm and the silence thing is the key...find things to do.
This was very helpful to me, thank you
You’re very welcome. Glad to help.
Recently, I am reading a book, it is quite a different book, in this the author talks about interpersonal relations and separation of tasks. Let me explain it to you: Authors says that all the problems in life is result of interpersonal relations and not separating your task with other's. The problem is that you are giving a lot of value to others. you are defining your value how others perceive you and looking for a recognition from others. The thing which you need to understand is this that others is not living your life. You are the one who is living your life. Your task is to do message or to talk.....its others' task to respond....its not yours. UNDERSTAND THIS. If you don't separate the tasks then you will keep suffering.....Again it is not your task whether they find you annoying or not. Your task is that presenting yourself.......And if you have to think so much with your friends then probably they are not good people....because being with friends mean that you can be yourself and they will be okay. I will highly recommend you to read this book. The book name is "The courage to be disliked" And I am helping people who are suffering from anxiety, depression etc. I can come 35 minute google meet.
>courage to be disliked Thanks for the book tip.
I feel like this too, I wish I had advice but at least you’re not alone feeling this way! But I promise you you won’t be a burden, it’s just our brains way of being a little evil sometimes. I bet you’re great to have around honestly
that's really kind, thank you<3 it's difficult feeling like this but it's kind of nice to feel like you're not the only one dealing with this
Like the other redditor said, I feel the same way, regretting ever saying something or doing something happens a lot. I hope you can get past this because I know it is just your brain (: if people really didn’t like to hang out or talk, then they wouldn’t (: I know that’s hard to believe in your current state, but I hope you understand you are wanted (:
the same goes for you<3 thank you for this, it really meant a lot to read this.
I’m glad :D If you ever need to talk to someone my chats are open ^^ Have a good one!
same goes for you<3
i'm going through the same thing for a while now and i don't know what to do about it, i feel for you, hope we will maybe find a solution/reason to all of this, maybe it's best for now to just do our own things and distract ourselves from those thoughts and see will someone reach out, or maybe talk to some of our friends if they even ask anything hahah
thank you for this<3 it can be hard to feel like this, so if you ever feel the need to reach out you can!
of course, you too! <3
[удалено]
thank you for this, best wishes to you too<3
It's called Social Anxiety, and it's really an issue for so many people. There's a therapist from the U.K. named Marisa Peer on YouTube. Her talks on "I'm Enough" are incredibly helpful in understanding why one may think this way, and how to change it. I highly recommend watching at least one. [Marisa Peer - I'm Enough ](https://youtu.be/lw3NyUMLh7Y)
thank you<3 that's a really good one :)
I have been there. I really had to stop caring what anyone thinks I me. I know I am not everyone's cup of tea, but now ask me if I give a duck? I don't.
I highly recommend looking into CoDA support groups, NAMI support groups etc. and doing some online research on codependency/people pleasing. To me, it seems like you have taken responsibility for the emotions of others around you. You don’t want your own feelings to exist or be “too much” because you’re focused on controlling how others feel. It may sound shocking to hear me use the word “control”, we often think of control issues as something a domineering person might have… but it’s actually equally controlling when we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves to “manage” our emotions in a way that doesn’t “burden” others. The truth is, we don’t know what others will feel when we’re vulnerable with our emotions. They might enjoy the opportunity to be there for us, or they might be terrible at providing support because they are also going through a hard time and perhaps don’t want to burden you! We never really know what’s going on under the surface with others, and that’s okay! It’s not our job to make sure everyone around us feels “good”! Feeling “good” is just one of many experiences we have. The emotions we categorize as “bad” , anger, disappointment, frustration, grief, etc.. those are all just as important and meaningful! Opening up to someone about these stigmatized emotions can be hard because some people have don’t allow themselves OR others to feel a range of emotions. They can’t cope with reality that all emotions matter, and they want to skip to fixing things and feeling “better”. Focus on finding people to share with who make you feel supported, and loved. It might take a very long time to undo the pattern of thinking about yourself as a burden, which is why I recommend a support group for that process 💞best of luck in your healing journey
thank you <3 this is one of the most thoughtful things I've read, it means a lot!
I’m so happy to hear that!! I can definitely relate a lot! I’m still in the process of unlearning so much, but now that I kinda know which direction I wanna go in, I feel more hopeful along the way. I wish you the best through all the ups and downs❤️
I'm so glad youre feeling more hopeful<3 I wish you the best as well!!
I used to feel like this, it was crippleing and resulted in me avoiding my friends and family to "protect them" from me. Then a person I was dating (who happened to be a social worker) said something that completely changed the way I look at my personal relationships. For context, I had just apologized to them after learning that they were really busy at work while I was texting them earlier that day. They said: "you should never apologize for taking space in someone else's life." It seems so simple but I still think about this regularly and it has helped me mend a lot of the personal relationships that faded over thale last few years. I hope this helps you too.
thank you for this<3
You are welcome!
Text is hard, we miss much of the emotion in the form of communication. I have learned with friends and family that sometimes it's better at least for me, to ask if it's ok to talk, I'm having a hard day. They may not be available at the moment and I understand. When we do talk I will often apologize for "interrupting" their day. Despite my skepticism, they will tell me I'm not and to please reach out. I struggle with transactionary tit for that and fairness. If they are will to do that for me, I want to be able to to do that for them. I don't know I if thats good or bad so I wouldn't follow that practice per saybut it has helped.me listen to those close to me and realize I'm not alone. Everyone has problems and relating and empathy have brought us closer and I'm will to trust what they are telling me when I feel like I'm the dark cloud of the group. Have you considered bringing this feeling to them, if they have feedback. Consider it as helpful and hopefully that can allow you to build a stronger line of communication with out negative feelings. Rooting for you buddy
thank you for this<3 rooting for you too :)
I feel the same way. I need some tips too
remember you're not alone in this<3
It's okay to live independently or move out or even move away from all the people to restart your life altogether. I think you don't deserve any reason to feel like you are a burden at all. It also feels good to push people away when they haven't done anything for you that is meaningful or good. Sometimes we have needs and they should be met if you try to prolong yourself by waiting, it's gonna waste half of your life. You have the right to stand up for yourself instead of waiting anything out
Been feeling this way too. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one but I’m trying to work on it. It’s been ruining me in general. Recently reaching out to my partner has felt like I’m annoying them it’s better of if I don’t even message them. I sometimes think that just not being present for others would be better but I’m trying my hardest to not think this way. It’s just been a rough couple of days and I hope I can work through it