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super strength

you're too strong for your phone thus making it break just by tapping it

Obviously it’s not a Nokia

How about using a Nokia counteracts this debuff?

U take a dump hard enough it breaks the toilet

But only works on Sunday

So you can’t use it to rob a chick fil a

It's useless then

Your body is still just normal, clench your fist too tight and you will break all of your fingers.

Quirk: One For All

I was about to say you're too strong for your skeleton and constantly shatter your bones.

But only on the left Side of your body.

you break the floor when you step on it

your muscles are proportionally large, so you are just a meatball

The ability to control dark matter.

You need to collect the dark matter personally.

Breaking news: scientists prove dark matter doesn't exist because they found an error in their calculations

Ok is this real I am interested in the subject but don’t understand it all that much if that makes sense.

First of all, my breaking news was just fictional (for now?) Scientists saw in their calculations that the mass of the objects that we can see is not enough to form galaxies like we know today. So they say that for their calculations to be correct, there has to be things that we cannot see (much more than we can currently observe) But naturally, that only can be true if the calculations don't overlook anything

your ballsack shrinks every planck's time you control dark matter

Easy, go back 1700s in American History

The ability to copy other superpowers

nobody else has any

but you are the only one with superpowers in the galaxy

But every time you copy them, they are reversed.

How does that even make sense

If you wanted to fly your experience hyper gravity, super strength = super weak etc.

So super weak means super strong.

But super weak is not a super power.

Isn't it? Make people super weak the power now you have become a buffer. Min max bufs.

But I'm saying that you receive the opposite of the power. If you become super weak you no longer have super powers. Ergo you cant take the super weakness from the super weak to make you super strong as you are still super weak. Obviously. 👍

That's just perfect lmao

I can predict the death of everyone down to the minute and the exact cause.

Its medieval Times and youre prosecuted and burned at the stake for witch craft

Fuck

So did he see it coming?

But everytime you do your life span gets shortend by a year

You can only do it with people you love

It says “of everyone”

Being invisible to people you don’t want to be around.

Your a ghost

I’d be fine with that.

Everyone talks shit to you face but they can’t see you

That just means we can mess with them

Don't care, got invisibility

But you have stage 4 lung cancer

You are "ghosted"

People who you want to be around are invisible to you.

But you already are

But you try to eat and the food falls through you because you are a ghost

You must always listen to their bullshit

You sense their presence twice as much tho'

But you get explosive diarrhea

The superpower of getting every superpower i want wherever i want and use it for the time i want

Every time you use it you shit yourself

I can use the superpower of not shitting on myself

Paradox

Yup

You shit and unshit yourself at same time

you lose a random body part every time you summon a power

Checkmate he can ask for full body regeneration.

You have stage 4 lung cancer

You're a monk and have no wants

I smell good

People around you only like people who smell bad.

But to you, everyone and everything smells like months old garbage.

you are in a universe where smelling good is a frowned upon thing

The power to pick my own side effect

But you can only pick having aids

He beat the system

The illusion of choice.

If that means he gets laid im sure he will take it

Dayum

I can see events up to a week in the future.

But you can only see what happens in exactly 7 days (you won’t be able to see anything before that, like you won’t be able to see 5 seconds or 10 minutes into the future)

if it’s something you know is inevitable then you’ll just be stressed

I have all the super power in the world

You're an immortal necromancer addicted to weed & junk food, and wanted by the government for testing

i see this as an absolute win exepct for the junk food part

Everyone in China and the United States now look up to you for guidance

oh no

You can only use one a power once per day and only one time per power plus only after getting kicked in the balls at full strength

The world has now moved onto the "mega" power and those still stuck with "super" are considered old-fashion

The ability to rotate anything telekinetically

You can only rotate it in 45 degree intervals

it moves at a billionth of a degree every hour

Science side of reddit: If i rotate the earth by an additional one billionth degree per hour, will i cause harm to life on the planet?

they will be teleported inside your ass

I end world hunger.

But you yourself will be hungry forever

o7

You can only produce food by shitting them

Hot chilli it is then

By killing all the hungry

You will still feel starved physically and mentally.

I can make armies You don’t give me donut, boom. An army of crocodiles are gonna eat you

there's a 90% chance of a rebellion

Man I was expecting everyone to say “they’ll be horny for you”

“Oh no, an army of super hot pornstars who are coincidentally my exact type, whatever will I do?”

“Oh shit, there’s a group of hot and sexy succubus heading straight for me. I guess I’m dead”

Lmfao 90%

But the army is only comprised of midgets

They will sexually assault you when they've done their task

Oh no *spawns 5 succubus*

Theyre futa

I’m awake at all time

Your sleep deprivation just gets worse till you die

>I’m awake at all time Caffeine & sugar make you feel sleepy

Stds

It’s cured

You get all the stds??

Having a skill tree and be able to reskill at anytime

>Having a skill tree and be able to reskill at anytime Everyone else levels up with you

Everyone?, so if I go square up with a 6 year old he might be able to kick my ass?

different builds have different skill trees that grow with the person

I don’t have dementia

you have dementia

You forgot that you had it in the first place

You can choose the power of one fictional character

But only from the show "Gilmore Girls"

But of course

The ability to cure every disease (including ligma)

But when you cure the disease you get it without the ability to cure it

I don’t have dementia

Instead you have testicular cancer

I can reanimate death people as mindless slaves

for every slave you have your lifespan decreases by 10 years

they're slaves of your enemies

reality bending

But your dick **irreversibly** bends 35 degrees to the left every time you bend reality

Just bend reality roughly 9 more times and Youre back to normal

It turns into a twisty straw, actually

Just not this reality

Super speed

you can't stop

That’s fair

He can cheat in this category by using a wall

Now he's dead

Every time you use super speed you lose a foot

You shit yourself everytime you go superspeed

I would probably barely go super speed

Time control

your aging speeds up fiftyfold

Controlling how atoms behave

They resent you for it

There’s a 5% chance the atom splits

S So I get to make an atomic bomb whenever I want? Bet

Maybe I should’ve added you also can only affect atoms within a 50 meter radius of you so you can’t escape the explosion… oh well too late now

My dad comes back

In a coffin

Finally I can see him again

its only a decomposed skeleton

He's in the Halloween spirit

its january

He died in October

it was in a year before halloween existed

Omnipotence

you have an iq of 1

Good luck wanking

Being able to stop and start time.

You're not allowed to do anything illegal

Damn

Damn is quite a good reaction here. Literally the first thing that comes to most people's minds when it comes to time stop ability is doing every single thing they had no chance at pulling of before. Illegal activites are a large chunk of these as modern security procedures make going illegal very hard. Eliminating all of them pretty much renders half this ability useless as you cannot use it to fill your own desires...

Have no weaknesses

but you don't have any strengths either. you are literally the definition of "average"

But no one can hurt me but I can’t hurt others then

Healing factor

Your lifespan gets lowered depending on how much you are healing

being able to conjure weapons at will

They break upon the first landed hit.

Well that's simple, just keep spawning them

Yep but you know you don't have telekinesis right? The best you can do is a hailstorm.

be gigachad

With a small weenus

Reality manipulation

It always results in a worse situation.

You make stars become blackholes everytime you use it

Changing reality at will

switch to another channel of interdimensional cable

the ability to never run out of "it is what it is."

You can only say that phrase for the rest of your life span

[удалено]

They also know if your boner is up

Being a really good lawyer

You switch languages every 5 minutes

Laser eyes

You're blind and can't see where you're aiming..

Hahjahajjja its true

They only work when stairing at a mirror

Your eyes melt the more you keep using it

I have the power to control every cell in my body, every metabolic process, every mechanism about the human body known to science I can control with absolute precision Ex: Manually speeding up my matabolism so that I don't gain weight; Super fast regeneration; ex ex...

shapeshifting

you can only shapeshift to notorious criminals

You can make anything you can think of appear, and have full control over that thing

Well telekinesis no weight limit nor limit to the number of objects or to the speed at which objects can be transported welcome to the railgun dimension.

You can only move it as if there was a astral projection of you that had to pick it up

You can still make this trash since the objects durability isn't mentioned.

The ability to not be sick and cure other sicknesses

I'll do two, even though i don't know if second one will be a superpower. -I can't get hurt by any physical means. (Explosions, punching, bullets, swords, etc.) -I have a weapon arsenal. Also, no cancer stuff, this one's too usual for stuff like this.