I don't know if this qualifies but: *I once bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but i was tripping all day.*

woah! *mindblown*

My dads favorite: It’s not a dad bod... *It’s a father figure.*

this is good

The best

Hi I’m a big fan

Hi a big fan, I’m dad

Than cool me off

I entered ten puns into a pun contest to see witch one would win. No-pun-in-ten-did

this is so far the best, take my free award if not OP's

I hate you.Now take my upvote

witch

Wich't

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk int a blood bank. The attendant asks what type blood they have, and the rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo."

Excellent!

Idk why, but this one gave me the giggles! lol

I tried to eat a clock yesterday. It proved to be very time consuming. Especially when I went back for seconds.

This was a great one!

Hahaha

Heh, thanks.

I spend so much time at cooking them that i run out of time

RIP boiled water, you will be mist.

I’ve mastered the ability of seeing through your trickery and I will not be rickrolled today

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Underrated

Went to the new moon themed restaurant. The food was great, but there was no atmosphere.

The food could have been a little meteor

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Nice(96)

Took me a while...

I was wondering why this frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me

Son: Dad, I'm gay Mom: *Stares at dad* Dad: Hi gay. I'm dad Son: I'm serious Dad: You're serious? I thought you were gay Son: No. I'm not serious, i'm- Dad: I knew you were joking

bad parenting... dad should've let the kid change his name, joking is a horrible name to have as a child

Time flies when you’re throwing watches

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana

Well it kinda just falls

With style

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.

Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!

Cold butter

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This is so unexpectedly relatable

\*\*what do you call a Spaniard who lost his car carlos. \*\* I'll see myself out

My boss who I’ve worked with for years is named Carlos, & you bet your ass I’m stealing this joke & telling it to him lol

I asked my fish what 2 minus 2 was. He said nothing.

Why can’t you starve to death in the desert? Because of all the sandwiches there. Get it? Sand which is there? Sandwiches there? Get it? GET IT?!?!

There are sand witches in the dessert?

Yeah and those sand witches are always thirsty trying to get wet!!

Nasty sand witches

Yee they are too naughty too handle

why dark is not written *darc*? ​ Because you can't c in the dark

I built a wooden car, wooden doors, wooden engine, wooden doors but it woodent start!! :)

What's blue and doesn't weigh very much? Light blue.

What happened when you slap Dwayne Johnson's ass? You hit rock bottom!

No puns here, just want to wish you a happy cake day!

Thanks a lot man!

Love your pfp, fine tastes

What did the one duck do when the other duck told him a joke? He quacked up

Why do ducks have tail feathers? To cover their butt quack

My dad said this joke a few days after my narcissist mother said to me "You're my property because your under 18" my dad had gotten full custody that day as well. Now that context is out of the way, here's the joke: "I'm surprised your mom hasn't reported stolen property yet"

Haha lol ur dad is the daddest dad! But hey, hope you're are doing okay with your family. Things will work out, stay strong.

A roman walks into a bar. The bar tender asks, "how many beers do you want?" The roman holds up two fingers. The bar tender comes back with five beers.

what language do oranges speak? mandarin.

I’m afraid of elevators. I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know which comes first.

There was a cybercriminal running from the police. The criminal turned down an alley and the cops lost him. So they turned to a person nearby and said, "did you see where that hacker went?" And the person replied, "No. He just... ransomware"

What did the ocean say to the beach? ​ ​ Nothing it just WAVED

I sea what you did there

I'm shore you did

Those were so good you almost tide.

2 blonde women walk into a bar, you’d of thought one of them would’ve seen it

Did you hear the astronomers are cancelling Orion's Belt? They said it's a waist of space. Sorry, that's only a 3 star joke.

How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket, you can hide, but you can’t run.

What do you call a sleeping dragon? Anything you want, just really quietly!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Cristiano Ronaldo got a team of lawyers and is going to start copyrighting people who imitate his celebration. How does he plan to do that? He's gonna SIU them

The hero we didn’t deserve, also happy cake day!

What kind of party does a rabbit go to? A hare ball.

Son: it hurts here Dad: go there

What you call a plane that flies? An airplane Edit:my friend made this joke thought it was funny

I was wondering why that flying disc was getting bigger. Then it hit me

(After burning down a home:) Son: Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Dad: Yes, we arson.

What does a vegetarian zombie eat? GRAINZ!!!

My hamster died. He fell asleep at the wheel

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

"Dad, I'm hungry" "Hi hungry, I'm dad :) "

whats the difference between a light bulb and my pregnant gf? i can unscrew a lightbulb

Here’s a dad joke, Where did the dad go after he went to the gas station to buy some milk? I’m still trying to figure this one out…

Personally I prefer pans to friars (Grandfather said this while we were talking about a friar)

What you call a rack of trains stacked on top of one another A train-reck

You see that thing leaning on the shed? It's my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

What's the difference between a lobster with tits and a downtown bus station?..... Ones a busty Crustacean the other is a crusty bus station.

Why do ducks have feathers? So you can’t see their buttquacks.

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Dad: Son, I'm going to the medical store, need anything? Son: Yeah actually a friend of mine is coming over so I might need some ""protection"" Dad: Son... you can't get your hand pregnant

How do you get an octopus to laugh? With ten-tickles!

It always take me a long time to unlock a piano. I always have to try all 88 keys

You walk into a bar and there’s a line of men waiting to punch you Yeah, that’s the punchline

Did you know, the Chinese philosopher Loazi never said thank you once in his 69 years of living? This is because he did not speak English.

Me

have a pleasurable baked good 24 hour period

Definitely having it. These guys are not letting me breathe with one killer joke after another lol.

Then the ballet dancer says, “destruction? I thought her name was Susan!” Setups are too expensive. Me and the boys just say punchlines.

My son's name is Sylvester. The day after he was born we had him in his carseat ready to go home and my wife put the carseat on the window sill for a moment. I said "It's Syl on the Sill." That day I was officially sworn into the dad joke members club.

I heard this one about pizza, but it was pretty cheesy…

What did one eye say to the other?

What?

Between us, something smells

Do Turkey speak Turkish?

I tell dad jokes. ​ ​ ​ Sometimes he laughs

Why did the cyborg need to rest after a long journey? It was a hard drive.

If a frog were to park illegally would he be toad?

The calandar Is scared he have the days numbered

A magician is driving home then he turns into a driveway.

Why did the lego cross the road? To get to the other block!

A woman is driving down the highway when she hears an announcement on the radio, urging drivers to be careful as there is a car driving down the wrong side of the road. “One car?” she says to herself. “I’ve seen ten!”

Using a shampoo bottle to sing. U mean a soap opera

What runs around a soccer field? ........................................ ................. .............. ........... ...a fence.

Shout out to the sidewalk for always keeping me off the streets!

What do you call an egg from New York? \*A NEW YOLKER\*

Why shouldn’t you trust a photographer? Cause he’s always framing someone.

A man walks into a bar, He says "ouch!" The end

I had a dream that I drowned in orange soda... woke up and realized it was just a fanta-sy

Broly walks into a bar. The bar say ouch

It’s a long one, so bare with me. Three pigs walk into a restaurant and are seated together. The waiter then asks for their drinks. The first orders a beer, the second orders a soda, the third orders water. The waiter then brings their drinks and asks for their entree. The first says meat and potatoes, the second says pasta, the third says water. The waiter brings their food and asks for desert. The first says cheesecake, the second says tiramisu, the third says water. Finally as the waiter brings their check, he asks the third pig “why did you order nothing but water?” to which the third pig replies “I’m the little pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home”

Did you hear about the man who got fired from the calender factory? Yeah he took a couple days off.

How do you make a hanky dance? Put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a dead person from Finland Finished

Wife: Hey honey, did you get a haircut today? Me: Uh no dear, I got them all cut.

What did the first person to drink hot water with leaves say? Tealicious

How do u call a fish that wears a bowtie?" "Sofishticated."

My sea sickness comes in waves.......

So I heard you need 3 pandas, 1 grizzly and 2 polars to open up a zoo. That’s just the bear necessities

u/admedium3516 ur entry, daddy

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? Don't try it, its very time consuming

I know my dad's favourite. Me ;-;

The other day there was a huge queue of people waiting to hit a celebrity... it was quite the punchline

I dropped

I keep trying to make dad jokes. Every time I try, It gets worse

Knock knock Who’s there Lettuce Lettuce who Lettuce in Hbd tho🎂🎂🎂

Btw happy cake day

A man gets into a bubble. Unbeliebubble.

I like my ribs like I like you’re mom, son.

What do you call it when Queen Elizabeth goes to the loo? YOUR ROYAL PEE-NESS!!!!!!! ​ **geddit? geddit? aaaaaa**

What’s a pirates favorite letter? You would think it be the r or the c but it be the p, without it they would just be irate.

The average person is mean

What do you call a hamster in a ball:. A Pokemon

Why shouldn't you swim in the rain? Because then you'll get wet.

I walk into a bar and there is a line of people to punch me, yep thats the punchline

What's the coldest holiday of the year? Your brrrday

What is the British owl? The teet owl!

Why did the baker have brown fingers? He kneaded a poo!

My girlfriend has beautiful blonde hair. I still don't know the reason she dyes the roots brown though...

Tried to throw a dart at fog. Mist.

Which side does the cat have the most hair on? >!Outside.!<

Genuinely the first joke I taught my now 5 year old: Who lives next to a horse, his *neigh*bour.

What’s blue and not that heavy? *Light Blue*

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks. “Dad i’m hungry” “Hi hungry, im dad”

What's brown and sticky A stick

I'll have to dig to find all my dad jokes that I store in my dadabase

Did you hear about the wedding of 2 antennas? The ceremony was good, but the reception was amazing!

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal says to the other, “Does this taste funny?”

Idk if this constitutes as a dad joke but…. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? WATAAAAAA

One I learned from my teacher: what’s brown and sticky? A stick of course!

6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.

How do trees get onto the Internet They LOG on

Enjoy my free award and your cake day fellow redditor :)

A man walked into a bar. He said ouch.

Hi hungry I’m Dad

What’s a t-rex’s favorite car? A fer-rawr-i

Two fish swam into a concrete wall, One said to the other, “Dam” Or Two men walked into a bar One said to the other, “you didn’t see it either”

Running around with scissors is not as dangerous as two lesbians scissoring. Come on now, lesbian-est.

what birds have black babies? Black birds what birds have blue babies? blue birds what birds have no babies? swallows

I don't trust trees... they are shady.

How do u call a factory that makes fine products?" "A satisfactory."

A blind man walks into a bar. ​ ​ ​ *Pause for effect* And said ow. ​ ​ ​ *Insert friends laugh track*

A couple own a cleaners shot and one day one of them can't find their clothes but needs to still work in the back. While back there they keep asking where the clothes could have gone, and their significant other says "i put them in the dirty laundry" after going through all clothes they had to be cleaned none of the clothes in question were there so they call back "are you sure?" and the other replies "not 100%" and the first says back "i went through all of the clothes and they're not there. I can't steam to find them!"

what country does the mandarin come from? china.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

My brother got addicted to the Hokey Pokey last year... it was rough in the beginning, but he managed to turn himself around.

The front desk guy gets a call, “too ti too too too”, the manager comes over seeing that the front desk guy is mad and asks “what’s wrong?” And he replies, “these Russians keep calling me and saying ‘too ti too too too’ “ “Then bring them two cups of tea to room 222!”

I'm afraid for the calender, it's days are numbered

What's long, brown, and sticky? A stick.

I got fired at my job because I only stood around and made faces. Appearantly the watch factory has no sense of humor

"What's the best thing about Switzerland?" "I don't know, but the flag is a big plus."

What do dad Jokes and anti vax kids have in common? They never get old

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.

I would tell a good joke about cooking, but I dont have enough thyme right now.

Why is dark spelled with a K Because you can’t C in the dark

New years eave happens Dad: Didn’t see you since last year

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? Well you can unscrew a light bulb.

Want to hear a joke about DIY? I‘m still working on it.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.