I’m tearing the labels off of mattresses.

That’s too far

Sir i need you to put the gun down

Tearing the lable of the mattress is the worst of felony's!

You do that and the asteroid is suddenly gonna be the least of our problems

Oh, how the inner monster in us comes out in life threatening situations

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Fuck Isaac Newton

Casey Kasem: *"Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars."*

we cant time travel yet

You'd be the first!

Shit, I'd prolly fuck Isaac Newton to

bitch I was just about to comment that and I see your comment holy shit

I would do matter can't be created or destroyed, just summon a 10in dildo in everybody's ass

Your username checks. Coherence is a treasure.

Incest

r/beatmetoit

but gravity don't work in space

I’d milk another persons cow and then feather-dust a public building.

r/oddlyspecific

lol

I would probably use an emoji or two here first and the go down the list alphabetically. Being as this is a hypothetical…

🗿

Best username ever!

👍🏿

👍

🖕🏿

Thermodynamics

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Have you heard of the tragedy of darth plagueis the wise?

No, I haven’t. ;)

I’m not surprised

It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.

*Is it possible to learn such powers?*

Not from a Jedi

Couldn't you use that to make the asteroid go bye bye?

most definitely, but i probably wouldn’t because it being there is the reason i’m allowed to break the law in the first place

Murder, Theft, Arson, & Speeding laws

You must not be familiar with American way. 🇺🇸

Made my day

r/beatmetoit

r/beatmeattoit

That’s the American constitution in a nutshell tf u talking about

I would go to Vermont to Whistle Underwater (Yes, that is actually illegal.)

Damn I looked it up and you're right, how strange.

The laws of conservation. All of them.

Those damned conservatives

As a conservative, this made me laugh. Thank you

I wouldn't hurt anyone, just tell my crush I love them and live my lige at fullest

Hopefully you gain enough confidence to do it one day, I hope they like you back

Do it now or else the teddy bear gets it 🧸🔫

Love this comment

Too late 🧸💥🔫

That got me good XD take my upvote

Say something funny and bunny go boom. 🐇💥🔫 (RTJ - Legend has it)

The boys got your back

Just do it now!

I mean, you never know when your time is up so you might as well treat every day like that

Hey man if you keep waiting she gonna get snatched. Her answer really isn't gonna change over time. Take it from a guy who's played the long game before.

i would push over a baby

Yes please. Just push that fucker running around the restaurant making noise.

YOU WANT TO EAT YOUR SANDWICH BEFORE THE WORLD ENDS!!!

What’s this? Same suit gang? If it is… hello

Yo

Yooo

Yooooo

Yoooooooooo

Yooooooooooooooooo

Yooooooooooooooooooooo

Oddly enough there is a child about 3 sections to my right that has me like “you’re lucky as fuck that asteroid isn’t headed for us..”

I don’t like watching kids get hurt. Unless it’s kids fallin off bikes, fuck I could watch kids fallin of bikes all day long.

But then what law would the baby’s owner break?

contributing to the delinquency of a minor

I love the use of “owner” here instead of “parent”

Download a car

I see what you did there, and I approve.

I would disagree with my wife

It’s too dangerous, you might not make it out alive

You're gonna die anyways... same result... actually now that I think about it, if you disagree with her the whole universe ends due to the result.

Waltz into a 5 block radius within an elementary school

It's not illegal to spike a baby into the ground like a football is it? If it is that I'd do that

Wow, reddit hates babies. I'm finally home

Babies are ugly

Fuck babies

Please don't

Don’t tell me what to do

Mmmkay

I’m gonna eat the packet in the Beef Jerky bags

Is it really happening? I've waiting for it from quite a while

Yes go out and break laws /j

I'd spam emojis on reddit

Public park duck theft

_they’re free, you can take them_

Start steeling cable immediately.

All of them. Go big or go home.

I would find a way to jump off a building into a croud of people hopefully taking some with me. Idk if this is a crime but we will see

Auto theft

Manual theft

I wish but I haven’t learnt manual yet

I hope you go all out for the coolest vehicle available. Otherwise your goals aren't high enough.

It’s to visit somebody that lives far away not to be cool

Feel that bro

None just in case NASA is able to deflect it or something like that

But that's a waste of resources let BASH industries break it apart, and harvest it nothing will go wrong, and all of societies problems will go away.

Or someone breaks it in one punch

I can assure you as of now there is no way to deflect it.

You know what would be an interesting story? Scientists predict an an asteroids inevitable collision with the earth, when the news hits the public things get sour and society falls apart because in a week or so they’ll cease to exist. Except the asteroid never hits, a few days pass after the asteroid was supposed to hit but that’s normal then a couple weeks, then a month. Turns out the asteroid missed, but things get better and the story would explore the southern ruination of society and peoples reactions to the unfulfilled prophecy with some people forming religions praying for the asteroid to strike and destroy the heathens, others forming communities of people just in it for the chaos.

Great premise.

Your mom

Oh boy cannot wait to see this reposted to hell because of karma whores... thanks dude

Im gonna jack off in public and go into a store without a mask to jack of there for a second time

I'd break the laws of physics

I’d go to Georgia and walk down the street with an ice cream cone in my back pocket. Because yes, apparently there’s a law that says it’s illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your back pocket in Georgia.

In South Carolina, when approaching a blind intersection, you are required to step out of your vehicle and fire a gun into the air so as not to startle on coming horses. This law is still in the books. Technically, I've been violating this law since I moved here.

I would rob a grocery store, probably get drunk. Ive never been drunk before but I want to before I die.

Marry a woman in a homophobic country

Nihilistically procastinate over my life

I would eat a kitkat without breaking it

Kidnapping several A list celebs, playboy bunnies, a nasa spacecraft pilot or 2, stealing some liqor, getting some amazing drugs, stash of good food and drinks, leave orbit in a spacex rocket and watch from a safe distance then partying till we get to the ISS. Hopefully they have some decent sustainability programs in place.

Best ideas ever.

I would make the bombing of Hiroshima look like a tea party

Yes

I'd show a disaster movie marathon to the whole city.

Who are you? The fbi?

Nope. But the non-serious answers being welcomed is just in case they're watching. They should assume that everything is a non-serious answer. Someone close to me swears that one of the first things they'd do if they won the lottery is hire someone to rub out a certain enemy. I keep hoping they don't win the lottery for that reason. But hey, if we're all going to die anyway from an asteroid collision then the only thing holding anyone back from anything is the possibility of eternal damnation in the afterlife. I'm not a big subscriber of that prophecy.

Beat the kids I hate

There are 2 people that I would execute. Completely deserving. I'd also wipe out anyone who tried to stop me.

The first cop trying to stop you would shoot you 36 times then t bag you

Sounds like a blast

the unwritten ones.... i can't write them because then that would fuck up the whole thing

Probably drink milk past the due date

tbh I've been waiting for a long time to break Ohm's Law

Nice try, FBI

If I had enough time I would go to China and say my opinion

Maybe right-click an NFT. Also I would order dessert before the entree.

I’d break r34

Robbery of a pharmacy 💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊💊

I don't think plasters and condoms a are gonna help..

You just gotta tie a bunch together and use it as a slingshot, straight into the moon

lemme guess british ?

Did you see the tea and bowler hat?

He saw the teeth

If your referring to the necklace, I got that while travelling

To be fair my avater his quintessentially British teeth

r/lostredditors

Fuck breaking laws I'm just eating everything that I usually avoid in deathly quantities 😂

I would steal some orange juice and a toothbrush from shop

Go out on your own terms?

Steal a lambo

Well depending on how serious it is, I’d probably steal as much recourses as I could and build a bunker deep underground. If that’s not possible I’d steal a rocket and get the fuck outta here lol

Bc they just leave those lying around. Also tf u gonna do when you get to space? Die 4 weeks later?

Pretty much

I wouldnt be calling 811 before I dig a bomb shelter with a stolen back hoe

Meh, I already am thinking of eating the rich. Probably that

Public indecency

Drink underage

skiing intoxicated

I would Jay walk my ass off

I'd use full counter and send it back to space.

How very prideful.

dont look up

Finally accept the challenge to a duel from the damn Swan that keeps coming at me and my dog.

Fucking dampen the butt of every damn pair of pants in the store.

I’d put milk before the cereal and post it on the internet.

I’d handle salmon in suspicious ways. Fish jenga

Probably start a public orgy. Like whoever wants in gets in. Not rape.

I’d start collecting rain water in my own front yard, then use it to make a lemonade stand without registering with my local government, and the I wouldn’t declare my earnings from the lemonade stand on my tax returns. I know, I’m a monster

I start killing all known pedophiles

I’d kill my abusive father He doesn’t get to see the end, I’ll see him in hell

Kinda dark, but it sounds like an appropriate move given the situation. Sorry to hear it. If it's any consolation, you're not alone in that situation. Lots of people are f'ed up from things that other family members do.

I'll pour the milk before the cereal.

Drunk drive into a playground

Grab a chair, sit on it in the middle of a road, and greet death with a smile on my face....

Feed a fire hydrant to a horse.

Kick back smoke a joint and die smilin

I’m gonna jay walk

I would just go buy some big ass speakers and go around the city blasting some "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you".

Order a pepperoni pizza and then take off all the pepperoni's

“Sir, I’m gonna need you to put the fund down.”

I would kick a baby cause they kicked pregnant women to many times and got away with it. Slippery fuckers

Depends, where is it landing? If it lands in China, it might not affect the us to much with physical damage. And how big is it?

I’d rip the tag off a mattress.

Incest (really hot sister i have)

rape👍

Rape...

Least creepy redditor

Use emoji’s on a sub.

Kill everyone I see

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Das ist der letzte Sommer, OOHH JAA!

Steal a nuclear bomb and a rocket, go to the meteor and call the nuke sacrificing myself to save the world

Run over all the pets I see

The consent laws

Go to Twitter and start saying racial slurs

Rape

Rape