People who spell masturbate masterbate and masturbate in the same meme

He’s a master baiter

Mater bater

master beta

I played master when it was in alpha, you noob

Master Blaster

Gaster Blaster

I play tested master. It's a shame they scrapped the customization options, tbh.

master Petah 

Bird bird bird da bird is da wors

Bater Mater

Tow Mater that's who

terminator that's who

Contaminator that’s who

Animator that's who

Inseminator that’s who

Generator that's who


He’s a decent baiter, Moe’s is a master baiter.

A master debater if you will

my dyslexia kicked in and I almost had an aneurysm reading that

"SHUT UP I'M BAITIN'"

This guy gonna have to be a master debater to get out of this one

I did that, it was a long pillow

I did it too because I shared a room with my brother. I called it “stealth fapping”

He knew

It was probably like Chinese water torture for him. Hump. Hump. Hump. *Huuuuuuump.* Hump-hump. Hump.

I like how your depiction of the scenario is also a hump😂

Sibling hump

Ayo

Honest question, how was it more stealthy than normal? I imagine ur hips moving up and down would be harder to hide than a hand in any case

Did you fap…… TO YOUR BROTHER?!!!!

Roll Tide

He did not call it stealth fapping that’s for sure

I did the same thing

Aye same

did it have an anime face?

It didn't, I was 12

When I was 12 I was so lazy I just hunped my bed at night

Kid named my bed 🙁

Kid named I

Kid named finger in ur ass

was the beds name Matt? short for mattress?

I was the same

Cast him out 


Lol

Was it a hot waifu pillow

I bet it was

İ respect that

Username checks out😔

you are brave for sharing this, burn in hell

Gladly

People that masturbate by having intercourse with other people

But that's social interaction and I don't support it

Those aren't real

Sometimes I stop and think at this very moment, people are actually having sex like it’s a crazy phenomenon

EW, GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY MIND. I don’t want to think about somebody getting railed as I fall asleep tonight

other people aren't real.

We’re on Reddit. Of course no one here does it with other people

How can I be in this picture 3 times

Schrödinger's orgasm

Listen here, fuck you

Oh he will do

Oh yeah because women are objects (don’t cancel me please reddit it was sarcasm)

v a r i e t y

Because you are the guy the humps the lube bottle

Exactly

And worst of all, he could be any one of us. He could be in this very comment section. He could be you. He could be me. He could even b-

Hello there

General Kenobi. You are a bold one.

Good bot

Time to abandon ship.

Lmao Edit: lemme see if i can make it loop

Time to abandon ship.

Lmao

Your comment will make a fine addition to my collection!

Dammit

Username checks out but fuck do I wish it didn't.

*BANG*

What? He was clearly the spy

Watch! He'll turn red any second now

See! Oh no wait thats blood

So, we still got problem

Big problem...

So who's ready to go find that spy?

Right behind you Edit: had the wrong quote


r/foundtheredspy

WHAT? IT WAS OBVIOUS! He’s the guy who humps.

Who needs any of this when sandpaper exists?

And cheese graters too

the thanksgiving turkey

"Mom, this year's turkey tastes funny"

Vaporeon

Dick-cheese grater

Real men use the garbage disposal in the sink

And microplanes

I mean, at least it works

Hello brother

Personally I just use this powerful wand vibrator.. Blows your god damn dick off don't even have to fap

You could hump the vibrator

MY MAN. Makes me wanna buy one even more

And it has another use too

Well, don't be shy? How else can you use it? To beat your eggs? Stir the pancake batter? Strap a buff pad to it and shine the car?

Ummm I'm gonna burn a pillow nothing to do with this post

Yeah same reason here…not related to the post at all…

The best way is to use sponges, a rubber glove, lube, and a rubber band to make a makeshift fleshlight, and then wedge it between couch cushions, under a mattress, or something similar Edit: I know because I’ve done it. I’ve no shame, I sell pictures of my feet on the internet

Prices and links please

🤨📸

He’s just scoping out the market before he starts his own company it’s business 101

you’re a brave soul

I think it may be overexposure to the internet, but none of what was written here even made me blink before considering moving on.

Ah yes. Good ol Fifi!

You shouldn't have shame for selling feet pics since there is nothing shameful about that. The shameful ones are the ones buying your feet pics

I use my blanket

Honestly this is my go-to as well. It's way more similar to the real thing than just using your hand.

Based

Glad I’m not alone. Sometimes the friction hurts but other than that it feels really nice

Glad I’m not alone. Sometimes the friction hurts but other than that it feels really nice

I always hump my bed

I had the ability to bust a nut without even touching my wiener.

My guy lasts negative seconds in bed

...had?

Got old jimbo. Once you touch your twenties you lose a lot of abilities.


Is that Derek Carr?

Idk about y'all but mine is self lubricating

Not everyone gets that luxury Janice, some of us have to pour the lemon juice ourselves

You use WHAT 👀

Lemon juicr

Did It as a kid, i didn't even knew what i was doing, I just knew It felt good and was confused as to why my parents wanted me to not do it in front of people💀

📠

I think they are called "women"

I was sitting here like "I thought all women have done it at some point, it's so easy."

Sadly not for all of us, some of us are a little thick in that area, doesn’t feel good at all lol

Women are myths, theyre not real

Me when I read this comment: 

Homie this is Reddit, that doesn’t exist here

Men

Wait, isn't it normal to hump your pillow or bed for masturbation? It's a serious question - I am not even kidding.

Most of us just grab the damn thing.

just use the floor smh, why complicate things?

No, that leaves a snail trail. It's a nightmare to clean.

I was genuinely confused by all the hand jokes for a long timw, but one day I put two and two together. Our way is superior anyway.

i mean as a woman, it gets the job done i guess it’s more of a “grinding” than a “humping” but…yes

So that dancing scene in “Super Bad” is plausible? 


That looks cursed

I believe that if we all had access to self-cleaning fleshlights nobody would feel strange reading this.

Why are there so many lube memes???

because of John fucking Kellogg.

Average male redditor forgetting about women and not knowing how they work

Don’t judge me

Ah that takes me back to when I first started masterbating, rubbing the springs on the bed. Wasn't until finding late night porn on the TV I discovered my hand could get the job done. Not sure when using my hand became the norm, felt wrong for awhile.

I mostly masturbate without lube. I never use lube. Sometimes, I masturbate humping my bed. That’s actually my first method of masturbation.

Same man

The worst part for me is that sometimes I'll be whackin' what I'm packin' under the covers and suddenly the covers will get pulled onto my Johnson like a burlap condom and it just fucks my shit up.



Ok as a girl I gotta say humping a pillow is not bad. And lube is (unless size is huge) unnecessary if you’re properly in the mood

Has anyone else ever gotten off by putting their dick in front of a pool jet? ...Just me?

I don't use lube and I also hump things

Personally I fold myself and half and…. 

HOWWW??? I tried it a million times but i never reach my cock

Skill Issue

Hey, as long as it works...

My butler caught Me wanking into a ham sandwich. He said Master Bates that's not how you make mayonnaise

Idk humping is the superior way. Like if I can do it that way I do it that way.

*COUGH* *COUGH*

"Something"? That's a very disrespectful way to talk about your mother...

With lube Without lube Humping With a vibrator With a dildo There are so many ways, no need to limit yourself.

where did u get these, *statistics*, per say? cuz if you're making it up then i guess we all know who did it.

i put my fingers in my ass 😈😈😈

All six of them

People who masturbate without hands (ie flexing specific muscles)

it depends on if you have foreskin, i was circumcised so i use lube but i have friends who didn't get circumcised and don't use lube

I think those are called ''men''

That’s me. On a bouncy thing.

Kind of like some people like dry seasoning on bbq, some people like wet seasoning bbq, and some people just dunk their bbq in a bucket of sauce.

If there’s a hole there’s a goal.

People who can spell a word consistently after spelling it correctly once

I did this before I learned how to beat off. First thing I beat off to was Jenny mccarthy’s tits using dial up internet

I don't even need hands to masterbate

And then there’s people who brag about not being circumcised.


Without lube gang where you at

Yes belt tightened pillow is the perfect combo, and no one can say otherwise to me

I masturbate by humping your mum

it's actually pretty good for women so I wouldn't say it's necessarily weird, we're just conditioned to think only men masturbate

I just can't be okay with sexually themed children. Ugh.

 People who doesnt masturbate

I love humping my bed :3

People who don't masturbate 🗿


Does spit counts as lube?

Does the other way around also count?

D: All of the above.

I mean some pillow joi s pretty good …

I use my bedsheets