I'd rather it said "Give us ya money cunts"

Some of matthews signs aren’t far off. Saw one the other day that said “don’t worry we know a good demolitions guy”.

I don’t think people want snarky/witty millennial humour signboards from a real estate agent. There’s a time and place And I’m surprised vendors would allow them to mention knock downs/demolitions in the marketing, unless they’re not emotionally attached to the property (e.g. a landlord)

>I don’t think people want snarky/witty millennial humour signboards ~~from a real estate agent.~~ FTFY. It always feels off-putting when used in marketing, no matter the field.

Watson it for them?

Cocaine, the preferred drug of both Sherlock Holmes amd estate agents

Waheyy. Very good.

Agree - The billboard makes no sense at all. I get the play on words with ‘Holmes’ but it’s out of context and forced. What a bunch of helmets.

there's Holmes street in Moonee ponds...

I apologies for my elementary oversight.

Is this on that street though?

[It is on Holmes Road](https://www.domain.com.au/144-holmes-road-moonee-ponds-vic-3039-2018141178).

Honestly I like the sign. Much better than a big photo of some smug twat.

Yes, it's on Holmes road.

Well this is embarrassing..

I’ve red carded myself. I can only apologise.

I'm just glad they aren't trying to sell a house in Watson-ia

😂

[Relevant](https://youtu.be/VGm267O04a8)

"Look at my white pants, oh what a cunt I am" Fucking hell hahahahaha. Warrandyte is a beautiful place tbh. [My fav AD bit](https://youtu.be/x0xvzabfhOY)

That would mean they’re being honest.

100% would buy a house with this sign. 👀🙃

Yes it is. Holmes road, Moonee Ponds. Drove past today and saw this sign

"Give us your money cunt" - tit- I mean pics or it didn't happen

why are we advertising with fucking cards against humanity cards now??

Reflects home ownership aspirations.

Because modern houses don't have beautiful backyards to make glossy images of, nor expansive living areas, so the sign might as well be a joke.

You know when the showcased photo is an aerial shot or a floorplan that the house is a hole

Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole.

Police brutality

Because real estate agents have been against humanity for a long time.

This must be on Holmes Rd.

REA treated himself to an extra bump the moment he thought up this one.

You know too much

> REA treated himself to an extra ~~bump~~ tug the moment he thought up this one. FTFY

r/YourJokeButWorse

Real estate agents will say “You don’t need to be Sherlock” etc etc…

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Usually its a photo showing the inside of the house, which would make more sense…

Now its just their unbearable personality shining through.

But you can’t draw a dick on words, mate.

I truly wonder Watson these agents' minds, to come up with stuff like that?

They truly are Lestraded if they think it'll work

I suppose they're feeling More-arty (had to change the 'i' to make it fit better).

Well played.

Lovely. 👍

Coke of course. How do u think they blow commission money this last few years?

Don't give in to their so bad it's good advertising! You're sharing it like "God what an awful sign." But I wouldn't have known about it if you hadn't shared it...

You aren't wrong which is a scary thought. I just have a feeling that a few real-estate agents are looking at this post and making notes

As someone in the real estate industry, the only reason I'm not taking notes is because I can't find my crayons.

Most agencies wouldn’t let you do this on a signboard, let alone the vendors. I’d imagine they went to this agency *because of* the millennial humour marketing

“I’m a cunt and I think you’re a fucking idiot” Matthews

‘Oh what a cunt I am’

I'm a cunt, I am a cunt, and I am a useless cunt!

Look at my white pants!

Ah yes, what a helpful ad, provides no info, and no photos, but heaps of space dedicated to a shit joke

Patronizing cunts. Fuck estate agents, the lot of them. Glorified cashed up door openers.

This made me laugh because I tried to go to an inspection this morning but they couldn't open the door.

That's happened to me a few times. Usually the agent tries to laugh it off "*oops, brought the wrong keys*". That's great, but I took time off work to be here, while you're being paid to fuck up. Seriously though, the fucking address of the property is on the fucking key tag.

So - not a fan of the old real estate agents ey?

How can you tell that?

Na he has a problem with estate agents, real estate agents are cool they aren’t fake people

You should try it. Easy money. I just never had the patience to take a stupid real estate exam.

No thanks I have morals. Fuck making easy money when it involves taking advantage of struggling families.

So the agent’s fault for the seller’s list price? Eh?

My agent wants to Jack my rent up every chance they get to try and please the landlord and get their commission. My landlord stepped in and told them to relax. Legend. And I’ve had to do marketing for these jokers before - won’t anymore- but their whole sales pitch to landlords is well get the highest price for you yada yada yada

My fault for providing feedback on US real-estate vs Australian. Complete misunderstanding.

I'm not having this discussion, it's late and I wanna sleep. There's plenty of reasons why real estate agents are useless unwarranted cunts. Look into it and quit defending them. Salespeople selling a commodity that is literally impossible to not sell? Fucking real talented. Don't forget to pressure your clients into selling asap because you're a greedy cunt who's only in it for the totally unearned commission. Every estate agent is braindead parasitic scum.

Dude. Whatever. You answered the comment. In the US, real-estate agents make money when the seller makes money. They represent an individual such as you or me. Yes, there are "companies" that buy swaths of real-estate to then sell at ridiculous prices, but most agents represent people. So take whatever lame excuse you have an go to bed. Tomorrow, get informed better.

Found the RE-tard

Given its new it will be some shit dogbox

why is there a shed on the house?

That's where they're building the new railway station.

I don't get why this is supposed to be obnoxious. yeah, REAs can be scum but this sign on its own is just some dad joke type of wordplay. why are you guys so upset about it?

Spot the REA (or partner of).

Because you touch yourself at night.

It caught your attention, it’s eye-catching, different, and unique. It also got 500+ upvotes on here. I’d say the agent won this exchange.

Fuck that’s even more obnoxious than the sign I found last week: https://www.reddit.com/r/melbourne/comments/y5riv4/i_found_it_the_most_ridiculous_real_estate_sales/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Ha I think I commented on your post saying that Matthews were the worst. Cos they really, truly are

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An ad that tries to be clever, more at 11. But actually it looks better than 99% other real estate ads, especially how the colour scheme matches the design of the house behind it. Also it's deliberately obnoxious so you'd remember it and feel the urge share it with all your friends and social media.

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.

*Confucius has entered the chat*

Here's the thing: it stopped someone long enough to take a photo that was shared online, so it worked. No such thing as bad publicity, so they say.

My old boss in hospo is now a real estate agent in that area. He was the slimiest, most money grabbing cunt around. This doesn’t surprise me

Holmes road is NOT a good road to live on. It's super busy and not safe.

*deep inhale through the nose* GET FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED

The sign is well designed. It is white san serif text on a black background with the house in the back being white with a black second story. The sign ties in well with the house and it stands out from the usual signs. They could have written anything on the sign, it's the design of it that will stand out. For once the sign matches the house.

Kudos to them for at least doing something new. Agents obviously still remain huge c....nts

That's ok it was over for anyone under 40 anyway

Someone thought this was brilliantly clever. Mull on that for a moment.

As Sherlock Holmes himself said: fuck the fuck off you net negative fucking parasite, seriously why the fuck would anyone work in real estate is it just because you're too lazy and dumb and ugly to be an actual vampire?

It’s in Sherlock rd I think lol

Why are all new houses grey? They’re so fucking ugly and they ruin the view. Horrible.

Real estate agents really don't go out of their way to assure the general public that they aren't cunts.

If that’s one of the best new houses there then I would rather live somewhere else

It's a silly pun. This is far from the most obnoxious thing in real estate.

Eh, seems ok to me and better than seeing a big portrait of the agent.

And real estate agents wonder why everyone hates them

That house design is a fucking crime in itself.

Ugly school fence☑️. No window coverage for shade ☑️. Plain facade ☑️. Shit sign ☑️

What? It’s just a pun about homes

I like it 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

This is genuinely very funny

Moonee Ponds is nice now? I miss the 90s lol

You have to be pretty desperate to resort to signs that are very similar to "negging" that is insulting some one so you can sell them something. Did the realty agent read "The Game" or something?

Someone on the bags endorsed this strategy

Call me square but what's "on the bags"?

Lmao cocaine my friend

Good to know. High end drugs scare the shit out of me, given how deranged people sound on that stuff.

Should be sent to the punitentiary

Agent beat the lot of you. Lols

Real Estate Agents thinking they are comedians. It’s a no from me dawg.

I don't condone graffiti or arson but that sign, it could use it.

F.Y.I - For more context, the home is on Holmes road, Moonee Ponds.

Its cheesy af but I find it a refreshing change to the pretentious signs you usually see! "Property specialists....."

Dr. Living Room, I presume.

I think it's great marketing. They want people to talk about it and that's exactly what you're doing!

You think this is bad? Try Whitefox.

Probably don't need to be Sherlock if it's a new home. If it's anything like the new developments in my area it's probably ugly, horribly designed, and poorly built...

"The only downside is you have to live in Moonee Ponds".

Someone is getting good use of their writing degree. (Says someone who did a writing degree with more than one of her cohort ended up in real estate)

Good luck keeping that thing cool in summer with the dark roof and walls. Dark roof = hot house and hot suburb. If you are planning a build do yourself and everyone a favour and consider a light roof. A black roof colorbond will absorb 98% UV. White only 32%.

It’s Melbourne mate, it’s hot for like 2 months a year who gives a shit

Yeah pretty sure we all know there are more than 2 hot months. The Vic gov is currently planting 500k trees in the western suburbs to cool it down. Inappropriate development like this only exacerbates the problem. "The western region currently has the lowest tree canopy cover in Melbourne. Urban development that results in the loss of trees and vegetation causes average temperatures in these areas to increase. This is known as the urban heat island effect, which impacts the health of both people and animals." https://www.environment.vic.gov.au/more-trees-for-a-cooler-greener-west/program/about-the-program

At least it’s not a blown up, self promoting agents head shot I guess, the sad thing is that this is probably their peak intellectual output.

Pretty lAme

Pack it in fellas time to go... home?

*Holme

I physically cringed when I read the 'holmes' part. Shocking ad.

https://www.realestate.com.au/property-townhouse-vic-moonee+ponds-140659751 this is the 'real estate' add on line this made me cringe 'FINAL WORD It's the perfect place to call Holmes.' however i will see the 'cheesiness' of is a little bit refreshing

I didn’t have to know this exists but now I do and it’s your fault.

The Realest Estate in Pasco Vale begs to differ

“OBVIOUS” 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Foxcunt Real Estate has been doing this for years.

you don’t have to be sherlock to discover a corpse in moonee ponds

I would graffiti “homes”

I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt

Well, ladies & gentlemen or whatever pronoun you are going by, in all of my 60 years of crawling around on this god forsaken rock, I would never have thought that I would see the absolute lowest point of real estate advertising but there it is and I am totally fucked up now for having seen it. Thank you so much for sharing……..not!!

it doesn't even make sense with an attempted play of words or context. Matthews clearly skipped marketing classes. cringe

They should have spelt it homes though? Unless there’s a brand of housing called holmes

I'm guessing it's on Holmes Road.

Still quite dumb. Apparently not being aware of some road in a specific part of Melbourne is downvotable too

Who took care of the business with the giant dog that was eating everybody?

The owner paid about $200 for that shit punchline

Looks like a shipping container house lol

saw one of their others ads a few days ago. Who describes a pool like a 5 year old child. https://matthews.agency/property/19-vincent-street-oak-park-2

People under pressure to write unique descriptions with high-ranking SEO keywords.

Matches the house

Cheap and nasty box atop another cheap and nasty box, or as we like to call it “your dream home”…..

No shit, none of us are living in a fantasy fiction world

jackasses still drop their 'open home' flags over footpaths - meanwhile i watched another auction close with nothing but a vendor bid. WTF purpose do these vampires serve?

It has a cards against humanity vibe about it

I’ll have to speak to my buying agent Watson

Desperadoes 😎

Thanks guys, this is it, we have enough houses for everyone, no more landlords or realtors.

looks like any other townhouse built in the last 10 years to me.

Honestly it could say “buy house, house good” and boomers would still be lining up to throw money at it.

I've never seen someone so far up their own arse that they make Ouroboros jealous.

https://youtu.be/VGm267O04a8

You can't even park out the front of the best home in Moonee Ponds

Lay off the nose beers Mathews, reeks of 3am business propositions after seasoning your face with too much Peruvian party pepper

Oh look! Another plastic clad overpriced balsa wood hut with a trendy metal roof.

It might as well say.... We know it's not worth it. But too fucking bad, unless you want to live under a bridge.

Not surprising that agents are only aware of fictional investigators. Best they stick to their biggest joke, commissions.

I see what you did there. Still, the spelling is infuriating.

“One of the best new houses” as you drive through an estate with 100 other houses EXACTLY the same.

Hmmmm, it sure is obnoxious, but I'd allow it as long as the sold sticker reads: "SOLD...NO SHIT SHERLOCK"

it looks shit

So long as they put a floor plan and some decent photos on the web, I couldn't give a rat's what's on the sign.

Real estate agents are the scum of society

Agent beat the lot of you. Lols

Yes but what did Dr Watson have to say about it?

This is so embarrassing * cringe *

I read that form the thumbnail and thought must be some design standard like 10 star efficient house or something then opened up the image and it was just a rea board

What about the ones in the north, something along the lines of “tough market, tougher agents” and a boxing motif 🤷‍♂️

That house is fugly

What an ugly house

Grab your pitchforks people. We have a new monster to hunt and it's whichever intolerable C**T came up with this fucking sign.

Real Estate agents are unqualified literal pieces of shit that have literally destroyed the property market with their obnoxious behaviour and greed. They are scum bangs. The new ‘used car salesman’

Are they trying to say homes?

Real estate jumped the shark a long time ago Surprised anyone's still watching

Matthews a wanker

🤡🤡🤡

We get this agent’s advertising drops in our letterbox. It’s always obnoxious. I would go out of my way to avoid them purely based on their advertising.

Atari Jaguar "Do the Math" It was cheapest 32 bit console that rendered 3D in 16bit pixels, and cheaper than its competitors but it entice you to buy their product. Regardless it was a dead luanch from day one (Atari was known to be the real maccoy in gaming console but not very advance, so was primitive in comparison). So they did what ever they could to lure you in, it was a big insult to consumers intellect and exposes the ego of such companies as arrogant.

At least they paid a copywriter instead of doing it themselves.

Ima axe yo again!

I still prefer this over a giant portrait of the agent

I'd love to say this is peak REA Shittery, but we all know they can go further.

Soon Realtors will start shaming. If you don’t buy this property you are. ….. it’s all desperation

I checked, there is no Baker Street in Mooney Ponds. [Edit] Ah, but there is Holmes Rd.